L.R. Teague's Blog, page 2

A blabber mouth morning...

I woke up this morning at 6:30am, an hour later than the planned 5:30. But in all fairness, I feel like I have a cold setting in, so I really didn't want to get up at all. However, commitment is commitment. :)

I wanted to start a habit of blogging first thing every morning, as another layer of the more disciplined me God and I are working out. What I found this morning, though, is that I had nothing. I literally was completely blank and, well, anything I'd have thrown on here would have been just for the sake of throwing something on here.

Then I realized... that's okay. Who says that a blog has to be hard-hitting, zeroed in, and focused all the time? That is my goal, but it's not reality. Some days, I'm just not on my A-game. Particularly days when breathing through my nose burns and my eyes are swollen. And that's okay. Really, it is.

The only thing of value I can tell you today is that dark chocolate mint m&ms are delicious and are trying their darndest to ruin my 'getting healthier' goals. I won't let them win the war, but they may win the battle today. I'll let you know how that turns out.

One more thing... from the writer side of me. I am obsessed right now with writing a YA dystopian novel. I've loved dystopian stories for forever, starting way back with Narnia and Lord of the Rings (which I consider dystopian. I mean, technically they're fantasy, but an evil snow queen and a giant eyeball murmuring creepily about seeing you? And both stories end in an uprising and a taking back of the 'way life should be'...Dystopian.), to the more recent books like Hunger Games, Divergent, Marie Lu's Legend Series... even The Selection Series by Kiera Cass. I don't care how gushy or look-alike or...okay, I do have a level when it comes to gore... that moment the protagonist's mental lights come on and they see life as it really is for the first time, and the moment the underdogs rise up with fire in their bellies and fierce relentlessness in their eyes... ya, I choke up. And I usually get a urge to learn Taekwondo or Krav Maga or something. I love the creepy, deserted cities and the drone of the airships and the tension... all of it.



I really am obsessed with writing one and it's probably just a phase. But maybe Lois Lowry was just in a phase too when she wrote The Giver...

Well that's all I have for you today, folks! Thanks for the chat! :-D

5:30am

It's almost 7:00am as I'm typing this, but I started the day at 5:30. Before you go admiring me for being an early riser, let me stop you. I'm not. Even now, an hour and a half in, my eyes keep peering over at the bedroom door and grow heavier with the desire to sleep as they do. I won't go to bed. But I sure want to.

That's the difference, I think. Attitude. Decisiveness. Determination.
You see, I'm changing the way I look at this morning person or not morning person thing. Because I'm finding it's not really about that. It's about WHO I want to be in the great story of my life.
Will it be a great story at all? And what makes it great?

There are people in my life right now that are making a difference. {And I guarantee most of them get up early.} It might be a small difference, or it might be a move to the other side of the world and shake things up difference. There are many of them. And for a long time now - years, really - I've felt that these people are in a different league then me. I've sat on the sidelines in my "mundane" "normal" life and longed to be like them. I've longed to walk beside them and sit in cafes and enthusiastically tell our stories and experiences and adventures and feel a genuine camaraderie with this species of world-changing powerhouse superhuman. I've longed, but that's the extent of it. Because truth be told, I'm by nature a hermit. I'm socially awkward and uncomfortable and it's SO much safer for all of us if I stay shut away at home where I can't generally screw things up and say the absolute wrong thing or get red-faced when I'm greeting someone familiar I bumped into at the store.

Excuse me, but: What a load of crap.

No, Seriously! I have spent YEARS of my adult life now hiding. I have accepted that I am too awkward and that I make other people uncomfortable because of it and that I'm a waste of their valuable time and energy. I genuinely, GENUINELY, believed that.

I do not write that for your pity, so put away the tissues and hugs ;-) I'm writing it because I KNOW I'm not the only one who's ever felt that way.

The only thing that will make our stories great is if we stop letting dumb, stupid, ignorant lies control our ever move. Listen, I'm honestly worked up about this. It gets at me. When you realize how much time you've wasted and how many people you've grown distant from, all because you've let yourself believe you're just not worth it, it should bring up some feelings.

Embrace those feelings! And let them usher in change.

I woke up at 5:30am when I normally wake up closer to 9am as an act of defiance, albeit a little one. And at the same time, an act of surrender.

I am defying the lies. I am waking up hours before my kids so that the first moment they lay eyes on me, it will be a revved up me who's spent time in the power-infusing presence of God and not a defeated me who's dragging herself around and wishing the day would fly by so I can hide in sleep again. I'm defying my own nature and forcing myself to examine who I am and who I want to me.

And I'm surrendering my sleep so I can give God the first hours of my day. So I can change. I'm surrendering all the things I've believed about myself for a really, really, really long time.

Whether or not I'm a "morning person" plays no part in this. Am I existing just to keep myself safe and comfortable? Or am I making every. single. moment. count. for something OTHER than ME.

I raise my glass of Matcha to you, friends. Here's to living on purpose.

The Lego Theory

So those of you with children will {hopefully} understand. Or perhaps hopefully not. Hopefully your kids are the image of obedience, honest to a fault, and never give you reason to lecture. I mean that genuinely. {No sarcasm intended}

Our kids are incredible. They're funny, smart, exceptionally witty and never ever boring. They are also humans. And they mess up. {Shocker! I know!} 
I was sitting in front of our 6 (1/2) year old son and trying to come up with something motivational to say to him to help him make some better choice. His choices as of late have been... well... 
I look over the room and what do I see EVERYWHERE {just waiting until night falls so they can assault my feet}? Legos. 
Ok, I've got this, I think to myself.
Colton, your life is like a giant lego project. Do you know what kind of man you want to be when you grow up? 
I get answers like: BRAVE, A MAN WHO LOVES GOD, A GOOD HUSBAND, A DAD... 
After my heart is done swelling with pride, I tell him this:
Every choice you make from this moment on is like adding another lego to your man. You're building him, you see? You and God together. Only the right legos will build that man you have imagined in your head. Good choices get you closer to being that man, bad choices mean you have to take a bit of it apart and start that section over. 
The truth is, we all have a vision for who we want to be when we grow up. I know I'm not yet who I want to be. I make bad choices. I have to back up and remind myself who I'm trying to become. Now, it's inevitable that we're gonna mess up. We're human. What's important is that we learn from that mistake and become better lego builders... I mean, oh you know what I mean.

This is so very relevant for me right now in my ambitions. As a writer, I'm one step closer to my goals when I sit down and hash out some words or jump on a promotional page and introduce my work. I'm stalling my progress when I rush things and release a work to soon, just to find it riddled with errors, or I procrastinate and watch too much Doctor Who instead of working. {I'd never really do that......}

Life is like a box of legos. You've got to add the right blocks to get the right results. 

Better than life.

As I sit enjoying my Saturday with my children re-enacting Star Wars around me and my husband resting off this virus we've all been fighting this week, I'm - hang on I need to correct my kid.................. - okay, where was I? Oh right. I'm so happy.
Seriously!
The good, the bad, the really bad, the ugly... it's life. It's living. I'm so happy to be living!
I get angry sometimes. I get irritated and rude and out-of-line.
I also get repentant and I get humbled.
I have giggle fests with my family of four after one of our kids says something hilarious - they are the funniest people - or after my hubby tells a ridiculous story.
I get to see people changing and growing and maturing... and sometimes that gets to be me!

Life is, well, all inclusive!
You have to have the good.
You also have to have the bad to enjoy the good. To appreciate it.

This week we were all sick in different increments with a variation of viruses. There were some bad days in there to be sure. Now I'm dealing with a huge spider bite on my leg and a possible torn muscle in my calf. (Same leg, by the way).

But I'm so happy!

My favorite verse for, well forever, has been:

Psalm 63:3
"Because Your love is better than life, my lips will praise You!"

That's the key for me!

God's love surrounds me and fulfills me and corrects me and changes me.

That's the greatest good there is!

Make today a good one!

Always,
Laura :)

Meaning.

What makes life meaningful?

I ask this because it's my birthday and that's what you're supposed to do, right? Reflect?

I haven't shared this very often or to too many people, but it's what keeps popping into my head today, so here goes.

Four years ago, we lost a daughter to a mid-pregnancy miscarriage. Technically it was too late in the pregnancy to be called a miscarriage. It was one of the hardest things my husband and I have been through together. I spent 4 days in the hospital and had my first emergency surgery during that stay. Why in the world would I bring this up on a day like today..my birthday???

Because that was one of the most significant times in my walk with God. There have been several times in my 28 years that I've petitioned for God's peace. I've begged and snotted and cried out for it. But that day, the day I couldn't even muster the strength to ask, He breathed His precious Holy Spirit over me and I didn't even have to. He knew I wasn't strong enough. And like a loving Father, he knew what I needed and just met me where I was. It changed my life. Seriously.

You see, I agree that the beautiful, happy, celebratory moments bring so much joy to life. The moments that we spend cuddling our kids and giggling together bring fullness.

But what brings meaning?

I think what brings the most meaning is the nights I spend nursing my sick kids who are puking and crying and need tummy rubs when my eyes don't want to stay open.

I think what brings meaning is the hug that comes after making up from a big fight with your spouse.

I think meaning is long all-nighters working for your dream and persevering even when you're ready to scream so that one day you see it all come to life before your eyes.

Meaning is spending grueling hours working under the hot sun in a garden, to finally one day reap a harvest.

I think meaning is found when you have a complete mental breakdown over health issues that lasts weeks or months and your parents still look at you with respect and understanding in the years following (true story).

Meaning is discovered when the only way you make it through the day is with a silent "Help me..." prayer and you do, day by day, make it.

And I am still finding so much meaning in the fact that in the moment of our biggest loss, God had me. I was safe, tucked in His love, and He didn't make me beg for comfort. He just knew.

Meaning is so often found in the hardest times. Don't despise your struggles and the things that break you down. Allow the process to play out. If you'll cling to God (and by cling I mean holding on desperately until your knuckles turn white and your finger are aching, but you DON'T LET GO) I PROMISE that somewhere down the road He will help you find the meaning in the pain. Doesn't mean He caused it, it means He was there, rooting for you and loving you, and can cause good to come from what was meant to harm you.

He'll give it meaning.

What is your work really worth?

I've read posts by other creators and artist who say "You have to value your own work, or no one else will..."

When I first pushed 'Publish' on KDP and allowed Amazon to make my first book available to the world (literally), I was nervous. Words are so personal, even in fiction. How will the world receive them? I did a little research on how to price my book and ended up pricing it at the lowest possible price where I could still benefit from the 70% royalties. $2.99. There wasn't any kind of strategy in this. I was simply afraid that if I priced it any higher, no one would buy it.

Over the last couple months, I have uploaded the book again, correcting minor grammatical errors I had missed (self-publishing with no budget also mean self-editing until you have a team of beta readers who agree to do that for you...). My very first review was a 5-star from someone I'd never met. That's when it started to hit me, that perhaps I needed to start believing in my talent and trusting I was on the right path. It was exciting!!!

In June my sales started to plummet. The longest stretch without a single sale happen near the middle of the month. 9 painstaking days without a single sale.

I couldn't figure out what was going on. I had earned 12 reviews (nothing monumental but a great start!), all of which were 4 or 5 stars. I knew people were enjoying the book. So why the drop in sales?

Then I read a blog from a successful KDP author. He did an experiment, slowly raising the price of his book and what he found was a turning point for both him and me.

When you price your work too low, be it books or photography or paintings, people will see how much you value it and will do the same. Just like enthusiasm is contagious, so it the value you place in your art. This author saw an immediate increase in sales simply by pricing his books at the value he believe they deserved.

I did this. I only took a small step, raising my price by $1 to the grand total of $3.99/book. The result was surprising. Where as I only ever had POSSIBLY one book sale a day, now I have multiple sales a day!

Don't be afraid to place a higher value on the work you are doing. Don't sell yourself short because of fear! Be confident in your work and allow others to be as well.

Love always,
L

Oh, the places you'll go! -Dr.Suess

Well it's been a few days since I've been on here!We are busy with life and our evenings with VBS.
I wanted to share some pictures with you today. Here they are!

(Arashiyama, Kyoto, Japan)

(I took this from the top of Iwatayama Monkey Park in Arashiyama, Kyoto, Japan...this guy was chillin..)

(Taken in Mino Park)

 (Also taken in Mino Park. These little ones were EVERYWHERE!  :-) )
My world expanded when my husband and I took a trip to Japan this last April. Before then, I'd only been to Guatemala (at least in the years I'm able to recall the memories. I don't remember being in Germany as a baby...). The trip to Guatemala was equally eye opening!
We forget, I think, that beyond our comfort zone is a huge world that was created by God for us to see, experience, and enjoy. 
There are things that our eyes will never see unless we get on a plane and go somewhere far, far away.

Places I still want to go are:

Israel
Eastern Europe
China
Vietnam
Australia
Canada
Alaska
and
Somewhere really tropical :)


I would challenge you to travel. Whether it's within the borders of your country to places you've never seen,or to a completely different continent to places you never knew existed, PLEASE travel. 
You'll be glad you did :-)
Always in love,L

Value.

In my book To Be Free, Annora addresses her struggle with social anxiety. This is in no small part because it gives a more concrete depth to her reclusiveness and the level of grief and loneliness she feels over the loss of her parents. People who struggle socially tend to grieve more tragically. 
As a teen, I dealt with a hearty dose of social anxiety. It stretched far into my 20's and has been a factor in many relationship struggles, both romantic and in friendships. I tried for years to understand why I had such a hard time with it. In high school I had friends, dated, and went to school functions. I was involved in choir and other activities. But inside, I was absolutely and constantly terrified. Every blunder stayed with me forever. Every awkward moment scarred me. I can still recall them! I spent a lot of time walking fast, trying to look busy, or, on the worst days, hiding in the bathroom until lunch was over because I was too afraid to approach anyone to ask to sit with them. Did people treat me badly? No.Had I done something to shame myself? No.
But for some reason I was always scared. 
Why is it that some people can't seem to loosen up and feel comfortable in their own skin?Why is it that some people, like me and others I've talked to, analyze every word they say and torture themselves over even the smallest inflection?
I'm pushing the big 3-0. I've hit a point in my 20's when I am now seeing it in the distance and realizing that life moves so so fast and I want to grow and be and live. 
In that desire to live fully, I've learned something about myself, and possibly other's who struggle socially. 
While I have always valued the people in my life, I have not always valued my place in their's. 
Let me explain.
If you don't believe you matter to people... If you don't think people really care about you...If you are convinced people just put up with you...If all you do is focus in on what you can't do and ignore what you can:
You will ALWAYS be afraid. 
I realized looking back that my problem wasn't whether or not people cared about me or were genuine friends, ect.. my problem was that I didn't value myself.
I believed myself to be disposable.I believe I was everyone's second choice.I believed I was just making a fool of myself.I believed that once I made a mistake, there was no redemption for me. That the blunder defined me, no matter how small or insignificant it might have been.I couldn't see what I was good at because I was staring at all the things I was terrible at.
I know I'm not the only one who felt like this. I know there are others who feel this way now.
Here's what I would say to you:
You have to believe you are worth knowing. You have to believe that God put you on this earth intentionally,and that that places a value on you that is untouchable.You have to remember that we were all given gifts (talents, abilities) and they MATTER and are NEEDED.You have to remember that because you DO have a purpose, there will be opposition to that and that making you feel insignificant and unworthy is just one tactic to make you QUIT.
Remember who your enemy is. God is your greatest ally and the devil (yes, satan, the devil) is your greatest enemy. There is a spiritual battle being being fought over you. When you give in to feeling insignificant you are laying your purpose down and the enemy just laughs at you and chalks it down as a point in his favor. 
Don't let that happen. 
So, friend, lift your head and wipe off your apprehension. 
Smile and remind yourself that you are important, needed, and here ON PURPOSE. 
Value yourself. What you bring to the world really matters.
We need you.

A Writer's Obligation...

Yesterday evening I spent a couple hours at the library with my laptop and my headphones.I try to do this as often as I can, it's my favorite place to write at the moment.It's hard sometimes because a place will inspire me for a while, then suddenly one day I won't be able to focus there anymore. 
I was sitting by a large window in the corner of the library; the US History section. Directly in front of me was a small round table for the purpose of studying. 
I was about 1000 words in and feeling warm and fuzzy and inspired, when a woman and her son sat at the table. "How sweet." I thought, as I watched him open his book and begin to read."She's going to study with him."
I focus my eyes on my screen again. A minute later - above my music - I hear a loud, irritated voice.I look up to see the mom is on the phone, clearly joining a friend in a fuss over someone, all hand-gestures and accusing eyes and sharp words.I look around to check if anyone else is seeing what I'm seeing or hearing what I'm hearing.The only person around ducks into an aisle, hiding from the disruption in the How To section. 
I do my best to ignore the noise. I do my best to not roll my eyes or huff.I keep my body language under control and, eventually, the annoyance recedes and I just block her out.
Not two minutes later, a no-older-than three year old comes running past me. Thirty seconds later, he runs past again. He's doing laps. Thirty more seconds pass, but this time I heard him coming.He's yelling...no...screaming in glee as he runs. This goes on for at least five minutes.I want to say, "Is this the library?! Can't a girl get some peace and quiet?!" But I don't and I just try my best to block it out. 
Then something hits me and I pause Ellie in my headphones and listen to the noise around me. I look up and discreetly glance up, taking it all in. 
I realize that this is the stuff that makes life interesting. Sure, it's not always pleasant, but it's life and it's being lived right in front of my face. As a writer, I have an obligation to take it in. Not block it out. This is the stuff that makes stories rich and people unique. 
Before long I'm smiling each time the little boy superman's past my chair. I smile at the lady with the cell phone when she gets up to leave. 
Life is being lived by everyone around me and if I pay attention, I get to join in.
Always in love,L  

Be nothing.

You're perfect. You're wonderful.You're doing everything exactly right, don't change a thing.You can do no wrong.
Those sound really nice, don't they?That's what we want to hear, affirmation.
But affirming what?
Affirming our own personal belief that we've arrived, that we have peaked at perfection?
Sometimes phrases like that are important to hear. Women, you are perfectly made by a perfect creator. But does that mean you don't have any room to improve on yourself where your imperfect human nature has done some damage?
Men, you are wonderful. You were made glorious and strong and brave.But does that mean that in your faulted humanity you never fail?
It's OK to receive encouragement.But be careful you aren't purposefully aiming to surround yourself only withthose who will feed your ego.
None of us are perfect. We need people around us who will challenge us and who are committed to our growth just as we are committed to their's. 
Constructive criticism (given with good intentions) is just as important as praise. Without it we never change. We just stay in our muddled state of lack because we can't see ourselves clearly enough to improve. True friends show us the things our own eyes have missed. 
Choose wisely if you want to be something. 
Always in love,L