Daniel Millhouse's Blog, page 5

What I've Learned from Saturday Night Live

Promotional image from NBC's Saturday Night Live
Debuting on October 11, 1975, Saturday Night Live has been a fixture on Saturday night television for 42 seasons and over 800 episodes. It has been guest hosted by a variety of celebrities, from Tom Hanks to George Carlin to even politicians such as Bob Dole. Speaking of politicians, SNL has spawned out a mass amount of stars to go on to bigger and better things including Senator Al Franken.

A show that has been on for so long is bond to accidentally teach a lesson or two to the audience. Believing to have watched all 42 seasons, I will now share with you XXXX lessons I have learned from my years of enjoying the comedy skit show.

1. "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." - Often the lessen given to the audience and the guest of the Stuart Smalley skits performed by now Senator Al Franken, the message was both positive and hilarious at the same time. Smalley would impart his message with those who even didn't necessarily need it (i.e. see Michael Jordan). The character of Smalley is obviously a flawed one (fictionally), but he always tried to see the best side of life anyway by trying his hardest to stay positive.

2. "Consume Mass Quantities!" - Perhaps the worst aliens in disguise as humans, the Remulak natives known as the Coneheads (Dan Aykroyd, Jane Curtain, and Laraine Newman) found themselves stranded on Earth. Trying to blend in, they lived life to fullest. That included drinking a whole six-pack of beer at once and smoking a pack of cigarettes simultaneously. Unfamiliar with their alien biology, I'm sure that this is probably something that doesn't bug them. The family mislead others by claiming they were French, but unlike any European, the Coneheads ability to consume "consumables" was more American than anything else.

3. "Devon? What are you doing here?" - The Californians mock the accent of those who live in the Los Angeles area, but one of the reoccurring themes is that the unexpected is likely to happen. You have to be prepared and not caught off guard like Stuart (not Smalley) is when he see Devon. (Stuart-Fred Armisen; Devon-Bill Hader)

4. "Sorry." - A sincere apology is always appreciated, but when Gilly (Kristen Wiig) gradually ramps up the violence and still gives the same apology, one could surmise that the apology is fake. Some people will do things to get under your skin, but when they say sorry and continue to do it, they don't mean it. Gilly is an extreme example, but there are people out there that will intentionally mess you and try to come off as apologetic the whole time.

5. "I am filled with anticipation, and it is most delicious." - Sometimes the anticipation of an event is more enjoyable than the event itself. Dieter (Michael Myers) from the "Sprockets" skit teaches us that, usually just before dancing to techno music by Kraftwerk. And he's right. Sometimes an event such as a holiday doesn't live up to the build-up of the day itself. That's why it's sometimes better to enjoy the build up to the event than the event itself.

6. "...living in a van down by the river." - Motivational speaker Matt Foley (Chris Farley) is a down-on-his-luck man who famously points out that he lives in a most unfavorable place to reside. Often tasked to scare kids straight, Foley has driven his point home by (accidentally) crashing down on a table while the kids laugh while breaking character. But it does prove that while you might be down, you can help others from meeting a similar fate and still be a positive influence in someone else's life.

7. "We're not worthy!" - Wayne and Garth (Michael Myers and Dana Carvey) praise those that they idolize such as Madonna with the phrase, "We're not worthy!" Now this is not to say that you have to gush over someone in an embarrassing way, but just letting them know that you are appreciative of the work someone has done isn't a bad thing. People, including artists, often doubt whether what they do has a positive impact on other's lives. Finding out that others are appreciative of what you do can not only make their day, but also give them motivation to keep doing what they do.

8. Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey - While there is not a single quote by the Deep Thoughts skits that stand out more than others, it does reveal that you're not the only one with odd and sometimes disturbing thoughts. While you may have grown up thinking you're awkward, others grew up thinking the same thing.

9. "When I see a solar eclipse, like the one I went to last year in Hawaii, I think 'Oh no! Is the moon eating the sun?' I don't know. Because I'm a caveman -- that's the way I think." - Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, Cirroc (Phil Hartman) said things like this while in the courtroom. It reminds us that there are people out there that haven't been able to enjoy the wonders of everyday life that many others have. Don't take life for granted. While you may have witnessed a natural wonder many times, others may have not. Soak up your experiences and don't be afraid to share them with others if you have the chance.

10. "Lambortini" - The Former Porn Star Commercials remind people to always aim higher. I'm not kidding. Even though the former porn stars (Cecily Strong and Vanessa Bayer) aren't the sharpest tools in the shed, they aspire to be something more than just porn stars. In this case, they want to be spokespeople for various brands such as Lamborghini and Swarvoski. They just have trouble pronouncing the brand names. Even with that said, they want to better themselves and that is commendable.

11. "Toonces, no!" - Cats can't be trusted to drive a car. Enough said.

How Captain Jean-Luc Picard Influenced Me

Screencap taken from an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation
There are not too many characters on television that can go multiple seasons and remain a true hero type the entire run. I'm not necessarily talking about super powers when I say hero. Just someone that can remain a role model for every episode during a show's run. Often a protagonist-type of character will have at least some sort of slip up if their television series runs long enough (unless you're in a sitcom).

One character that remained the positive role model type for 178 episodes.

His name was Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

Out of all the main cast members from Star Trek: The Next Generation, Picard was the only one that remained a positive character for every episode. Data turned evil when his brother Lore and the Borg teamed up; Riker fell under the influence of Q for an episode; and even La Forge got in a war of words with Wesley when it came to Crusher's dating life.

You could say that Picard may have been swayed towards the dark side when he became Locutus of the Borg. I would argue that with the nanobots that transformed Picard into a member of the Borg, he was temporarily no longer himself, but a whole separate person.

Now to get to the point of this post. I give you the things that I have learned from Jean-Luc Picard.

1. Earl Grey Tea - I have had tea many times in my life, but it wasn't until Picard would order the replicator to make him Earl Grey tea that I even knew there were other flavors. I only thought tea came in one flavor. Because of Picard, I found out that tea could have a hint of citrus. As I grew older, I found that I actually preferred tea to most non-alcoholic drinks. Not just hot tea, but iced tea as well. This revelation came because of Captain Picard's obsessive ordering of the same flavor of tea.

2. Pulp Fiction - I have always been the bookworm type. It wasn't until Captain Picard entered the holodeck and assumed the role of the private detective known as Dixon Hill before I knew what mid-twentieth century pulp fiction was. It was because of the Dixon Hill character that Picard loved that I became interested in the cheesy but interesting storylines. This eventually led to my love of movies such as LA Confidential. In some way it may have been one of the factors to my current career as both a writer and online investigator.

3. Whiskey - Maybe this isn't a positive aspect I learned from Picard, but his choice of alcohol is Aldebaran whiskey. Obviously I can't try an alien brand of whiskey, but it led me to try whiskey first out of all the hard liquors. Now, out of all the hard liquors out there, I found that I enjoy a nice whiskey the most. The moment Picard shared a shot of whiskey with Scotty from the original series was an awesome moment for me. It connected my favorite character from the original series to one of my favorite characters from the newer series.

4. Never Back Down - In fairness, I've learned this from many different avenues of influence in my life. Picard was just one of those who cemented this thinking into my personality. Even when confronted with malevolent characters with god-like powers such as Q and Ardra, Picard never flinches. From episode one of the Next Generation series, Picard matches wits with characters of undeniable powers and in every case, he defeats them through will and occasionally with his smarts. He even put the Enterprise on the line in a court case against Ardra who claimed to be also known as the devil on Earth. Confident in his abilities in a courtroom setting, Picard held his own.

5. Dealing with Lose - In this, I don't mean dealing with the death of someone close to you. I mean dealing with the fact that no matter what, you will lose at some point in your life. In the episode called "Peak Performance", Picard tells Data, "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life." He was right.

6. Be Yourself - Picard realized that one of the biggest headaches in life is when you try to be someone you're not. It causes problems and could lead to disaster in your social life. From the first episode of the series, Picard said, "If we’re going to be damned, let’s be damned for what we really are.”

6. Silence is Golden - Picard was not written to be the Captain Kirk-type of character. Initially he wasn't the type of captain that would sleep with every alien woman he encountered. He was quiet and did not brag about those he slept with or at least had relationships with. By the time the television series wrapped up and the movies were done being made, Picard had been in the most relationships out of any of the crew members of Enterprise D. I'm not kidding.

Picard started in the academy, pining for a woman with the initials A.F. His feelings for her were strong enough that he carved their initials in groundskeeper's Boothby's prized tree and then failed Organic Chemistry because he couldn't take his mind off her.

He then had a relationship with Jenice Manheim, but chose his career over love. He then moved on to Vash when he vacationed on Risa. The two not only had a physical attraction, but a common love in archeology. Any hope of this relationship was quashed when she ran off with Q.

Picard had a run-in with an empathic metamorph named Kamala (played by Famke Janssen). The two bonded so well that it left a lasting impression on Picard.

Another woman, Nella Daren, took over the Enterprise's Stellar Sciences department. The red-head (a common theme for Picard) became so inseparable from Picard that the rest of the crew noticed. Troi gave her blessing while Dr. Crusher became jealous. Eventually, Picard was forced to make a decision to save lives, putting Daren's life on the line. She survived, but the two knew they couldn't continue to work together.

And then there was Anij, a 300-year-old woman that Picard fell for while saving her people from the Ba'ku. Before leaving, he pledged that he would spend his 318 days of shore leave to visit her.

And then there are those that Picard never hooked up with--or at least not on camera. He had a relationship with Guinan that was said to go beyond friendship. Maybe they hooked up a few times, but decided to be friends. Then there was Lwaxana Troi. She would openly say that she liked the naughty thoughts that he had about her. Even when butting heads with the false god, Arda, she made it known that she wanted Picard to be her own personal love toy and even was willing to morph into the shape of others including Deanna Troi to get him hot.

Finally, there is Dr. Beverly Crusher. Picard has a thing for red-heads and she fits the bill. Despite commanding the mission that led to the death of her husband, Crusher had feelings for Picard for the entire series. In several "future" based stories, it was shown that the two would eventually marry.

Ultimately Picard had the best love life on the Enterprise without bragging about it or using the holodeck to fulfill his fantasies (i.e. Barclay).

108 Things That Have Happened Since the Cubs Won the World Series

With the Chicago Cubs battling it out with the Cleveland Indians for the title of World Series champion this year, one of Major League Baseball's longest droughts will come to an end.

The Cleveland Indians are currently in the middle of the longest drought in the American League having last won in 1948. The Cubs aren't much better. Their last appearance was in 1945, but their last World Series victory was in 1908.

In those 108 years, a lot has happened. Events that changed world history; people that were born or died; and changes in popular culture. So here's a list of 108 events that happened in the 108 years since the Cubs last won a World Series.

1. World War I
2. World War II
3. The creation of the state of Israel
4. Ronald Reagan was born (and died)
5. The Mexican Revolution
6. Lenin's October Revolution
7. The United States adds Arizona, New Mexico, Alaska, and Hawaii to the union
8. Major League Baseball expanded from 16 teams to 30 (Arizona Diamondbacks, Colorado Rockies, Miami Marlins, Tampa Bay Rays, Montreal Expos/Washington Nationals, Seattle Mariners, San Diego Padres, Seattle Pilots/Milwaukee Brewers, Houston Astros, ANAHEIM Angels, Washington Senators/Texas Rangers, New York Mets, Kansas City Royals, Toronto Blue Jays) and 7 teams moved/changed their mascot (Brooklyn/Los Angeles Dodgers, New York/San Francisco Giants, Boston/Atlanta Braves, Philadelphia/Kansas City/Oakland Athletics, St. Louis Browns/Baltimore Orioles, Washington Senators/Minnesota Twins, New York Highlanders/Yankees)
9. The Great Depression
10. The Social Security Act
11. The atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki
12. India and Pakistan become independent countries
13. I Love Lucy airs for the first time
14. Lucille Ball was born (and died)
15. Television is invented
16. Disneyland opens for business
17. Rock'n'Roll is invented
18. Jean Harlow was born (and died)
19. Scientology was formed
20. The NFL formed
21. 19 different American presidents are elected
22. 9 popes take the helm of Catholicism
23. Mount Rushmore is finished
24. The city of Las Vegas, Nevada incorporates
25.  Berlin Wall is constructed (and falls)
26. Medicare and Medicaid created
27. President Lyndon Johnson signs the Voting Rights Act into law
28. The fall of the Ottoman Empire
29. Iraq was created
30. The Titanic sinks
31. Motorized movie cameras replaced hand-cranked cameras
32. The crossword puzzle is invented
33. Life Savers candy is created
34. The modern zipper is invented
35. Bras are invented
36. Charles Jung invents fortune cookies
37. Band Aids are invented
38. Pluto was discovered
39. Velcro is invented
40. The Holocaust
41. Prussia falls
42. Bubble gum is invented
43. The game, Monopoly, is invented
44. Credit cards are invented
45. Yugoslavia forms and falls
46. The Hindenburg disaster
47. The NBA formed
48. Pablo Picasso died
49. Nikola Tesla died
50. Martin Luther King Jr. was born (and assassinated)
51. The hula hoop is invented
52. Superman is created
53. The first handheld calculator invented
54. Wyatt Earp died
55. Women's Suffrage
56. Prohibition
57. The Star Spangled Banner is adopted as the national anthem of the United States
58. The Empire State Building was built
59. The Dust Bowl
60. Mark Twain died
61. The Cold War
62. Bettie Page is born (and died)
63. Mother's Day is nationally recognized
64. The NHL is formed
65. Frank Sinatra is born (and died)
66. The Bloody Mary cocktail is created
67. The Black Sox scandal
68. The first black baseball player plays in the MLB (Jackie Robinson)
69. McDonalds opens up their first restaurant
70. The KKK ran the city of Anaheim, California
71. Thomas Edison died
72. The minimum wage was created in the United States
73. Leo Tolstoy died
74. Sigmund Freud died
75. The first home versions of refrigerators were sold
76. Ranch dressing was created
77. Desegregation of schools
78. Franz Ferdinand was assassinated
79. Snickers candy bars was created
80. Wizard of Oz was released in the theaters
81. Instant coffee was invented
82. D-Day
83. The Roswell incident
84. The rise of AIDS
85. Babe Ruth's whole career
86. The Grand Canyon is declared a National Park
87. Bugs Bunny and the other Warner Brothers cartoons were created
88. Mickey Rooney was born (and died)
89. Amelia Earhart disappeared
90. The CIA was founded
91. HG Wells died
92. The Charleston and Jitterbug dances were created
93. Teddy Roosevelt ran for president under the Bull Moose Party ticket
94. The modern hula-hoop was invented
95. The vaccine to Polio discovered
96. Marie Curie died
97. Japanese attack Pearl Harbor
98. Modern scuba diving invented
99. Al Capone is held at Alcatraz
100. Bonnie and Clyde's crime spree
101. The discovery of King Tut's tomb
102. The Spanish flu killed millions
103. The first talking movie
104. The first radio station goes live
105. The Dust Bowl
106. Penicillin is discovered
107. French fries are introduced to America via soldiers returning home from World War I
108. Christ the Redeemer statue erected in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

And as a bonus...Ford introduced the Model T to the world while the Cubs were playing the last World Series they won.

Patriots Show Disrespect to Bills

Looks like the New England Patriots are at it again. In their last game against rival Buffalo Bills the Patriots ran right through the middle of the Bills' pregame warmups. Is there a specific rule against this? No. It's a matter of respect...or disrespect in this case.

Every year the Patriots find themselves embroiled in a new controversy. Deflategate being one of the most recent ones which led to Tom Brady being suspended for the first four games of this season.

Another being that multiple visiting teams have complained their headsets don't work when they visit Gillette Stadium. It isn't until a referee checks that they magically begin to work again. If a team's headset doesn't work, the other team is supposed to go without their headsets as well to even up the odds. Opposing coaches have complained that they hear the radio broadcast of the game instead of their coordinators.

Somehow, despite constantly pulling things that would dirty the image of any other team, the Patriots seem to be able to shed the dirt and remain a favorite of millions of fans. How? Maybe it's because they win. It would be hard for the NFL to come down on a team that brings them millions of dollars in revenue. Plus Patriots owner Robert Craft and NFL commissioner Roger Goodell are known to be good friends.

Now this...

For whatever reason, the Patriots ran right through the Bills pregame warmups, disrespecting their rival in the process. But why? There was no reason other than the Patriots decided to be punks. It's doubtful that the whole team had an airheaded moment at once and accidentally did this.

These two teams will face each other again this season. The Bills have already publicly said that if the Patriots do this again, retaliation will be a guarantee. And who could blame them? If the Patriots do it again, they deserve to get their butts kicked.

Will it happen again? Who knows.

The 5 Scariest Mainstream Clowns

Screencap from Poltergeist
Coulrophobia...the fear of clowns.

With all the creepy clowns hitting the news these days people are genuinely scared of those who were meant to entertain people originally. Clowns were entertainers that were supposed to cheer up children. Parents would hire clowns to entertain their children at birthday parties. Other clowns such as Bozo would be a daily staple for children in the 1950s.

Now, all has changed. People have genuine phobias about those who don the red nose and colorful clothing. That's why the following list is not the typical happy-go-lucky list of clowns that make you happy.

You won't see DC Comics' Joker on here. While being a very mainstream character these days and having the nickname "The Clown Prince" to live up to, the Joker is thought to be the victim of unforeseen circumstances. Team that up with the "super-sanity" and his crime boss tendencies, the Joker is more mobster than clown.

These are the top 5 scariest clowns in the American mainstream.

1. Pennywise - This should be a give in. Google scary clown and images of Pennywise from Stephen King's It popup everywhere. Every thirty years this shape-shifter comes back to terrorize children. More of a supernatural character than a physical one, Pennywise lived in a realm called deadlights when not scaring and killing people.

2. Pogo - Who is Pogo you ask? Perhaps you know him by his real name...John Wayne Gacy. The serial murder's day job was entertaining children at parties and hospitals. At night he murdered an estimated thirty people at the very least. Nicknamed the Killer Clown after his reign of terror began, Gacy was eventually arrested and put to death by lethal injection in 1994.

3. Poltergeist Clown - This children's toy come to life was one of the scariest aspects of the Poltergeist movie. This toy with an evil smile should have never been allowed to be in the house by the parents. It wouldn't be long before this toy assaulted the child...no shock there. Just the scene of him crawling under the kid's bed was enough to give people nightmares.

4. Twisty - This clown was once the focus of the carnival show that became the focus of the fourth season of American Horror Story. After being accused of pedophilia, Twisty tried to end all by shooting himself in the head with a shotgun. He ended up failing at this, mangling his face by shooting off his jaw. Since then, he remained outside of the circus, kidnapping children and trying to entertain them. Don't worry...he hid the fact that he was missing his jaw by wearing a mask.

5. Ronald McDonald - Perhaps the biggest killer of all the mainstream clowns, Ronald has slowly killed many off by utilizing calories, sugar, and fat in almost all of his fast food. He rebranded his death packages as Happy Meals and millions of Americans would become addicted almost overnight. For those who weren't 100 percent sold on buying one of his death traps...a toy to sway a few more to eat his food while playing with their plastic choking hazards.

2016 Millhouse MLB Awards

Christian Yellich put up a Silver Slugger level season in 2016; photo by Daniel Millhouse
It was definitely a season to remember this season for Major League Baseball. The death of Jose Fernandez was definitely the lowlight of the season and was possibly one of the more tragic stories in all of sports this season. But this year also had many high points. The emergence of one of the best rookie classes in years, Ichiro reaching the 3,000 hit plateau, and David Ortiz putting up one of the best seasons of his career in his final season.

One day the Millhouse MLB Awards will be covered by all sorts of media. Until then, I present to you the award winners for the 2016 Major League Baseball season as picked by Daniel Millhouse.

American League:

MVP: Jose Altuve...This Houston Astros middle infielder won the batting title, played well enough to win the Gold Glove, tied for second in the league in stolen bases, hit a career high 24 homers, had 96 RBI's, and scored 108 runs. He was the total five-tool-player this season despite playing on a team that underperformed this season. Runners-Up...Mookie Betts, Miguel Cabrera, and David Ortiz.
Cy Young: Rick Porcello...If you asked anyone before this season started who the American League Cy Young winner might be, even Porcello himself would have never picked. He was 22-4 this season, was fifth in ERA (3.15), allowed only 32 walks with a 1.01 WHIP, and put up stats that MLB fans would have loved to see from David Price. Runners-Up...Zack Britton, Justin Verlander, and Corey Kluber.
Rookie of the Year: Michael Fullmer...This rookie pitcher stepped up and replaced the roster spot left vacant by Porcello when the latter left for the Red Sox. Fullmer gave the Tigers steady pitching for most of the season, giving Detroit a nice one-two punch with Verlander and Fullmer. The rookie was 11-7 with a 3.06 ERA. This spot almost went to Yankees' catcher Gary Sanchez who was the fastest player to reach 20 homers to begin their career, but it was hard to award a player with barely over 50 games played, the rookie of the year. Runners-Up...Gary Sanchez, Normar Mazara, and Tyler Naquin.
Fireman of the Year: Zack Britton...He was a perfect 47 for 47 in save opportunities and in 67 innings, he only allowed 4 earned runs and a .162 batting average. His ERA was a staggering 0.54 and his WHIP was 0.84. Still think lefties can't be closers? Runners-Up...Alex Colome, Wade Davis, and Roberto Osuna.
Manager of the Year: Jeff Banister...The Texas Rangers' manager led a team that wasn't predicted to ever make the playoffs. Yet, they did. They lost in the playoffs once they made it, but getting that far was an amazing feat considering the players he lost to the disabled list and those that underperformed. Runners-Up...John Gibbons, Buck Showalter, and Brad Ausmus.
Silver Sluggers: Catcher-Stephen Vogt, 1B-Miguel Cabrera, 2B-Jose Altuve, 3B-Josh Donaldson, SS-Xander Bogaerts, OF-Mookie Betts, Mike Trout, Ian Desmond, DH-David Ortiz
American League All Rookie Team: Catcher-Gary Sanchez, 1B-Dae-Ho Lee, 2B-Whit Merrifield, 3B-Ryan Healey, SS-Tim Anderson, OF-Nomar Mazara, Tyler Naquin, and Hyun Soon Kim, P-Michael Fullmer
National League:

MVP: Nolan Arenado...He led the league in homers and RBI's while hitting .294. Arenado also played some of the best defense at any position this season. There wasn't much he couldn't do except for maybe steal a couple of more bases. Runners-Up...Charlie Blackmon, Joey Votto, and Ryan Braun.
Cy Young: Kyle Hendricks...A pitcher that started the season as a free agent in many fantasy leagues, Hendricks took the National League ERA crown, posting a 2.13 ERA. Combine this with a 16-8 record, a 0.98 WHIP, and allowing only 15 homers the whole season, it was clear to see that Hendricks had a dominate season for the Cubs. Runners-Up...Jose Fernandez, Madison Bumgarner, and Jon Lester.
Rookie of the Year: Trea Turner...Playing out of position at centerfield, the Nationals were determined to find a way to get this top rookie into their starting lineup. Normally a shortstop, he still played good defense while hitting .342, stealing 33 bases, and hitting 13 homers. Runners-Up...Corey Seager, Trevor Story, and Seung Hwan Oh.
Fireman of the Year: Mark Melancon...Combining his season on the Pirates and Nationals, Melancon pushed Jonathan Papplebon down to setup man. He had 47 saves with a 1.64 ERA while compiling a 0.90 WHIP. Runners-Up...Kenley Jensen, Seung Hwan Oh, and Kenley Jensen.
Manager of the Year: Joe Maddon...So far it has been a magical season for the Cubs. It would have been even better if this happened last season to prove Back to the Future 2 right, but what can you do? The Cubs won over 100 games this season and there's a chance that they actually make it to the World Series. If they win, they'll break their long drought. Runners-Up...Dusty Baker, Bruce Bochy, and Clint Hurdle.
Silver Sluggers: Catcher-Wilson Ramos, 1B-Joey Votto, 2B-David Murphy, 3B-Nolan Arenado, SS-Jonathan Villar, OF-Ryan Braun, Charlie Blackmon, and Christina Yellich, P-Adam Wainright
National League All Rookie Team: Catcher-Wilson Contreras, 1B-Tommy Joseph, 2B-Jose Peraza, 3B-Brandon Drury, SS-Corey Seager, OF-Trea Turner, Travis Jankowski, and Keon Broxton, P-Seung Hwan Oh

Top 10 Private Investigators in Television and Movies

Promotional Poster from the Marvel series Jessica Jones which airs on Netflix
There are few professions depicted in television shows and in the movies that are portrayed as being as cool as a private investigator. Many times these fictional investigators are often written to be lone-wolf types who often will go as far as risking life and limb to solve their cases...and they almost always solve all the cases they have on their plates. Like a bloodhound, they always seem to find the necessary evidence to turn a case in their client's favor and in the process save a life or two along the way. While being a private investigator in real life can be a rewarding job, it's tough to even come close to the levels that the following fictional P.I.'s have reached.

Here's a top-10 list (in no particular order) of private eyes that can be seen on the silver screen and on the boob tube...

1. Sam Spade of The Maltese Falcon : There are several screen versions of this character, but perhaps the best known iteration of Sam Spade was played by Humphrey Bogart. Spade is a noir-style detective that probably helped kick start the rise in popularity of the American detective novels during the pulp fiction era. He was a cynical character, but still was likeable enough for many fans to wish that Dashiell Hammett wrote more stories for the prototypical movie P.I. The mental image that some people imagine, a handsome man wearing a trench coat and smoking a cigarette, most likely originated from Humphrey Bogart's interpretation of Sam Spade.

2. Thomas Magnum of Magnum P.I.: The 1980's was the decade of television where the starring characters of the various hit dramas lived life in luxury and excess. It was no different for Magnum even though he was an investigator. He lived in a mansion, drove a Ferrari, chugged beers, was surrounded by attractive women that often were victims or were involved with his cases somehow, getting free rides in his buddy's helicopter, working only when he wanted to, and of course, living on the island of Hawaii. Magnum got to enjoy the rich lifestyle without being rich himself. In favor of his technical expertise, famous author Robin Masters let Magnum do anything he wanted. Higgins was the only thing standing in Magnum's way, but the two often found a way to co-exist.

3. The Angels in Charlie's Angels: Not a specific set of characters such as Magnum or Spade, the nickname "Angels" was bestowed on a group of women that work for Charles Townsend's private investigation firm. The first ones were graduates of the police academy that excelled in their training, but were relegated to lackluster roles because of their gender. Seeing the potential they had Charlie hired them and doled out assignments to the girls through Bosley. Every episode the girls would go undercover to solve a case, eventually being thanked by Charlie via speakerphone. The three key girls would often change out for others, but the moniker "Angels" never did change. Almost all the girls remained loyal to Charlie despite never meeting the man in person. That tradition continued even after the show jumped onto the big screen a couple of decades later.

4. Paul Drake of Perry Mason: The right-hand man to the most successful defense attorney in Los Angeles, Drake was the business suit wearing P.I. that would gather the necessary evidence that it would take for Perry Mason to eventually win his cases. He was sort of the stiff type, but managed to find himself dating nearly every single woman that made an appearance on the show...except for one. Della Street. He may not have been flashy like Magnum, but the results he produced were more than enough to prove that he was one of the most successful fictional P.I.'s around.

5. Sherlock Holmes: Guinness Book of World Records recognizes the character of Sherlock Holmes as the "most portrayed character in movie history". The private detective was usually aided by his physician buddy, Dr. Watson who was a genius at solving crimes on his own. With Holmes, the pair nearly solved every case that came their way from Scotland Yard. Sometimes more computer than man, Holmes would find clues that no one else would ever find, sometimes imparting his knowledge on how he solved the case to his best friend. Often depicted in the Victorian era, Sherlock Holmes was moved up into present-day London when he was played by Benedict Cumberbatch. Even in the fictional future, Holmes is a favorite of Data and La Forge in Star Trek: The Next Generation.

6. Hercule Poirot from Agatha Christie's writing: Holmes wasn't the only private detective in England that assisted Scotland Yard. Perhaps Agatha Christie's greatest character, Poirot was a refugee from Belgium who moved to England during World War I. During his time as a detective, he saved the British Prime Minister from abduction, undertook cases for both the British government and civilians alike, and traveled all over the world while sporting a mustache that could go head-to-head with Magnum's. Perhaps Poirot's most widely known case was Murder on the Orient Express in which he had to solve the murder of an American business tycoon on the famous train line.

7. Angel Investigations from Angel: A spinoff of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the vampire with a soul fled Sunnydale, California to get over his broken heart after his breakup with Buffy. Unlike 99 percent of vampires out there, Angel was determined to "help the helpless" by starting his own private investigation firm that specialized in the supernatural. It didn't take long for him to form a team that would eventually take on the ultimate evil, Wolfram & Hart. Angel was the muscle and leader of the team, Wesley was the brains, Cordelia was the heart, Gunn was the street-smart muscle turned ultimate lawyer, and Fred was the science geek. Unlike the villains that Holmes and Poirot faced, Angel and his team would face vampires, demons, and even demigods on a nightly basis and not even blink.

8. Jessica Jones: A recently created Marvel comic book character, Jones was created in 2001 by Brian Michael Bendis and Michael Gaydos. She would go on to star in her own comic book series called Alias. The former high school classmate of Peter Parker (Spider-man) opened up her own private investigation business after her traumatic experience with Zebediah Killgrave. Under the mind control of Killgrave, Jones was depressed that no one knew she was missing for so long while he used her like a puppet. Her hatred for Killgrave was transferred from the comic book to the small screen via Netflix. The streaming service took a chance on Jessica Jones after Daredevil did well and now because of her popularity, Luke Cage (Jones' husband in the comic books) will also get his own series. She is the product of the streets, gritty, dark, and definitely not the positive role model type.

9. Batman: The Dark Knight is the only member of the Justice League that doesn't have super powers. He doesn't need them. He is perhaps the most prepared character in the comic book world and that's due to his investigative abilities. He was shunned for a while by the Justice League when it was revealed that Batman had dossiers on each superhero and knew how to kill each one in case they turned evil. At times, heroes were even surprised to find out that Batman knew their true identities. Batman's transition to television and the big screen was no different. Batman used the ultimate surveillance system, OMAC, to track the Joker down in The Dark Knight movie. Even as a teen in the current show Gotham, Bruce Wayne is using his intuitive skills to track down the evil-doers within Wayne Enterprises. And of course, there is the original Batman series that starred Adam West. That campy-version of Batman could solve any riddle left for him. His skills over the years have saved the world countless times.

10. Jessica Fletcher of Murder, She Wrote : A mystery writer and part-time amateur detective, Fletcher always found herself in the wrong place at the right time. Murder and crime seemed to follow her everywhere. A resident of a small community called Cabot Cove, Fletcher was a retired English teacher that always found herself involved in murder investigations going on in her hometown. The cops would often arrest the wrong suspect, but Fletcher wouldn't rest until she found the real one by utilizing her intuition and her ability to piece the clues together like others couldn't. If the fictional town of Cabot Cove existed in real life, it would top the FBI's crime statistic lists in homicides, but no one in Cabot Cove seemed to notice. There is even a theory out there that believes that Fletcher herself is secretly the killer in most of the episodes and is pining her crimes on others to avoid suspicion and boost her reputation for book sales. Either way, she is easily one of the best detectives on the small or big screen that doesn't have a super power.

Honorable Mentions: Shaft, Jim Rockford, Easy Rawlins, Dixon Hill (the fictional character within the fictional universe of Star Trek: The Next Generation that is played by Jean Luc Picard on the Enterprise holodeck), Tony Rome

7 Celebrity Divorces Out of Leftfield

The announcement of the Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt divorce blindsided the entertainment world. No one saw it coming...well, maybe Jennifer Anniston did. But as far as Hollywood couples went, Brad and Angelina were as close as can be to being king and queen of the cinematic world. The announcement of their divorce came out of left field, but it's not the first time something like this has happened.

So here's a list of seven divorces that surprised the entertainment...

1. Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Teese: In some odd way, this seemed like a match made in Heaven. The gothic shock-rocker and the former fetish model, burlesque queen, and makeup spokesperson...that appeared to be a match. They could share cosmetic tips while tying each other up.

Originally thought to be the rebound girl to Manson's breakup with Rose McGowan, the more people saw the two together the more they saw that they clicked well. Manson strayed away from the shock side of his rock persona and actually started wearing suits that were similar to those worn in the age of burlesque. His image classed up and the pair hit the red carpets with a style that hadn't been seen in decades. They married in 2005 and everything seemed right.

Then on Christmas morning, 2006, Dita left Marilyn. What leaked out was that Marilyn had a side affair with then 19-year-old actress, Evan Rachel Wood. After the divorce, Manson released his 2007 single, "Heart-Shaped Glasses" which starred Wood in the music video. The song was about the first time they met. What wasn't released as a single was the song "If I Was Your Vampire" which was the lead song on Eat Me, Drink Me and was about his breakup with Dita.

Since then Manson has released more albums, acted in shows such as Sons of Anarchy and Californication, and continued his career in art. Dita went on to design her own line of lingerie and clothing while also becoming a spokesperson for MAC.

2. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner: Not unlike Brad and Angelina, Ben and Jennifer became closer on the set of an action movie. At the time of filming Daredevil, Garner and her husband at the time, Scott Foley, split, but Garner did not instantly go after Affleck. Instead she ran into the arms of her Alias co-star, Michael Vartan.

That relationship last a year and Garner found Affleck again. In less than a year, the two married each other in a ceremony officiated by another Alias co-star, Victor Garber. For the next 10 years, the two starred in a number of hit movies. Garner in movies such as Valentine's Day, Juno, Draft Day, and Dallas Buyers Club. Affleck in movies such as Hollywoodland, The Town, and Argo. The two even had three kids together.

Out of nowhere, the two then split. There were rumors of Affleck's affair with the nanny, but Garner said that the two of the separated months before she heard those rumors. The two continue to live in the same residence to this day despite not being married. They have publicly said that this is so they can both be there for their children.

3. Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger: Okay, so they're not entertainment royalty. Actually they're some of the only Canadians that people hate. Kroeger of Nickleback fame found himself working together with Lavigne to write more music that gives Canada a bad name. It didn't take too long for the two to decide that they wanted to be together forever. After a month of dating the two became engaged.

The two married on Canada Day...yes, another fact about the two that just seems to make us hate them a little more. It's like they were trying to prove how Canadian they are.

Within two years Lavigne announced to the world that she was leaving Kroeger in the only way she knew how...via her Instagram account. The only person she can now hookup with that could potentially create a more hated Canadian couple is Justin Bieber. May God have mercy on Canada if they find each other.

4. Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe: This match seemed to be right out of the movies. Although the bad omen might have been that the movie was Cruel Intentions and that Phillippe's character was originally more interested in sleeping with his step-sister played by Sarah Michelle Gellar.

The pair dated while shooting the cult hit and eventually married just two months after it was released. They were both up and coming actors that appealed to the youth demographic. Potentially a Hollywood power couple that could last for years. During their time together, Witherspoon starred in movies such as Legally Blonde, Sweet Home Alabama, and Walk the Line. Phillippe starred in The Way of the Gun and Crash.

The pair had two children and everything seemed perfect...until Witherspoon found herself bored with Philleppe and found herself in the arms of Jake Gyllenhaal. Phillippe and Witherspoon broke up and not too long afterward, Witherspoon and Gyllenhaal also broke up.

5. Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee: Together for only four days, the couple married on a beach and never even told their own family. Anderson's mom found out about their wedding while reading a copy of People magazine. Though it seemed like they rushed into marriage together, something about the two made sense. He, the drummer from Motley Crue and she was the Playboy playmate turned star of movies such as Barb Wire. Both of them were rock stars in their own right.

It didn't take long for their relationship to change the entertainment world. The sex tape from their honeymoon became the first prominent celebrity sex tape to hit the internet, almost making them more famous for their amateurly shot tape than they were for their already A-list careers.

The two partied hard, but burned out quickly. Within three years the two split, occasionally reconciling here and there as time passed. Anderson would find another rock star, Kid Rock, to hook up with, but her A-list career faded out and she would go on to announce that she had contracted Hepatitis C from a shared tattoo needle with Lee.

6. Bruce Willis and Demi Moore: The two married not long after Moore called off her engagement to fellow Bratpacker, Emilio Estevez. Both of their careers were soaring at the time they hooked up and instantly they became a power couple.

Willis ditched the TV career and became a bonafide action star. He starred in hits such as the Die Hard series, Pulp Fiction, The Fifth Element, and Armageddon. Moore would go on to be a sex symbol in movies such as Ghost, Strip Tease, G.I. Jane, Disclosure, and  Indecent Proposal. Together the couple had three kids.

The problem was that they were too powerful. Constantly finding hit movies to star in, neither made the time to spend with each other. This eventually led to Moore calling off the marriage as the two grew apart.

Moore would go on to be a cougar and marry Ashton Kutcher. During their marriage, Willis always found himself around and the three were somewhat oddly close. Willis also married later on, but to a lesser known actress. This didn't stop him from starring in more hit movies such as Sin City, more Die Hard movies, and Looper.

7. Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe: This marriage appeared to be one straight out of a story book. A baseball legend and the prototypical Hollywood starlet. Shortly after being suspended by 20th Century-Fox for refusing to act in the stereotypical role of a dumb blonde-bombshell, Monroe married the Yankee Clipper.

DiMaggio's strength helped her through the time period in her life when she challenged the standard Hollywood studio system that treated actors and actresses like indentured servants. With his support, Monroe formed her own production company with photographer Milton Greene. This was the beginning of the end of the Hollywood studio system.

Monroe starred in River of No Return to get out of her suspension before movie on to hit movies such as The Seven Year Itch and There's No Business Like Show Business.

Determined to become known as a serious actress, Monroe then moved to New York. While there, her affair with playwright Arthur Miller led to the end of her marriage with DiMaggio. She ended up marrying Miller while DiMaggio remained heart broken. He never stopped loving Marilyn.

Even after death, DiMaggio paid for Monroe's funeral and sent flowers on a regular basis to her final resting place until the day he died.

15 Songs Written for Another Artist

Promotional Photo of the Pussycat Dolls
There are many great music artists out there that write their own songs. Since the days when record albums started to gain popularity and purchasing music became a massive retail industry, there have been song writers that write songs for other music artists. More music artists write their own music than ever today, but there still have been some hit songs written by these writers that your average music fan has never heard of.

These songs are often written with a music artist in mind, but things don't always go as planned. Sometimes the artist doesn't like the song or it doesn't fit in with the music they are currently working on. At other times the labels get involved and pitch the song to another artist that they think the song fits better.

Here's a list of songs that most people know because they topped the music charts at some point. What you might not know is that these songs were made into hits by artists that they weren't originally written for.

1. "Disturbia" by Rihanna: One of the songs that solidified Rihanna as one of pop music's heavy hitters, it was originally written for her then boyfriend, Chris Brown. With the rumors of how much hell Chris Brown put Rihanna through, this may have been the best thing he gave her in their time together. The song fits her personality more and combined with the music video, it fit her like a glove.

2. "Telephone" by Lady Gaga featuring Beyonce: This was big hit that featured two of the music industry's biggest female pop stars. What people don't know is that Britney Spears was originally tapped to sing this song. There are even copies of her version that could be heard at such websites such as YouTube. Listening to it you'll probably agree that it was better that it was done by Lady Gaga.

3. "I'm a Slave 4 U" by Britney Spears: A pop hit that Britney Spears did end up releasing was "I'm a Slave 4 U" which was written by the Neptunes (Pharrell Williams and Chad Hugo). The song that helped Britney shed the teen pop princess image was originally written for Janet Jackson who has released songs in the past with kinky undertones. There have also been rumors that the song was offered to Jennifer Lopez before Britney got her hands on it. It is not known why Janet Jackson passed on this song, but Britney benefitted from this decision.  It is Britney's only song to ever chart on Hot R&B/Hip Hop charts.

4. "Rock Your Body" by Justin Timberlake: Another hit song written by Pharrell Williams and Chad Hugo was not originally intended for Britney's famous ex. The song was originally given to Michael Jackson for his Invincible album, but the singer passed up on this song along with other tracks that the Neptunes wrote for him. Two years later they sold the song to Timberlake.

5. "Call Me" by Blondie: Blondie's biggest release ever, it wasn't meant for them originally. The theme song for the movie American Gigolo, it was brought to Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac by the song's writer. Due to a contractual conflict, Nicks was unable to work on the song. The producer then to Debbie Harry. The rest is history.

6. "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith: The biggest hit by the legendary band Aerosmith was the hit soundtrack song for the 1998 hit movie, Armageddon. It was written by Dianne Warren who originally wrote the song for Celine Dion. It's not known why Dion never performed it, but it turned out to be a windfall for Aerosmith.

7. "Umbrella" by Rihanna: The beneficiary of another song that another A-list music artist passed on, Rihanna took this song and made it one of her most successful releases of her career. This song put her on the music map and put her in the eyes of the mainstream media. People don't realize that the song was never written for her. It was written for Britney Spears with the intention of reviving her career while she was going through a tough time in her personal life.

8. "Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls: Originally written by Sir Mix-a-Lot, Busta Rhymes, and CeeLo Green for music artist Tori Alamaze, the song was actually released to little fanfare. Alamaze had conflicts with her record label and signed over the rights to the song to void her contract. The song was then offered to the Sugababes and then to Paris Hilton who was trying to kick off a music career, before it fell into the laps of the Pussycat Dolls.

9. "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson: The lead single on Clarkson's album Breakaway, the song was power-pop song that empowered women all over the country. Little do people know that Clarkson was not the first choice for the song written by Max Martin. It was first offered to Pink, but she turned it down. Then it was offered to Hilary Duff, but Duff was unable to vocally hit the high notes in the song. Finally legendary producer Clive Davis got involved and convinced the writers to offer it to Clarkson. She made it her own when she tailored it to her personality by adding heavier guitars and harder drums.

10. "Holiday" by Madonna: This song was originally written for Phyllis Hyman, then to Mary Wilson of the Supremes fame. Supposed to be an R&B song originally, it was remastered to fit Madonna's debut album, giving the future music legend her first mainstream hit.

11. "Black Widow" by Iggy Azalea: Originally a song intended to be released on Katy Perry's Prism album, the song was axed because she felt it didn't fit in with the other songs. Perry presented the recorded version of the song she wrote to her friend, Iggy. From here, Iggy recorded her own version of the song with the help of Rita Ora. The song became Iggy's first number one hit single.

12. "Miss Independent" by Kelly Clarkson: Fresh off of winning American Idol, Clarkson had a previous hit that was given to her by the producers of the show. "Miss Independent" was her first single from her first album release which boosted her credibility as a pop star. The song was written for Destiny's Child, but the turned it down. Then the song was reworked by Christina Aguilera and originally intended to be released on her album, Stripped. The song was never completed in time and found its way to Kelly Clarkson.

13. "We Found Love" by Rihanna: The hit song written by Calvin Harris was recorded by Rihanna with the help of Harris and hit number one on the pop charts. Although it was never confirmed by Harris, Nicole Scherzinger of Pussycat Dolls fame, claimed that she was offered the song first for her solo career.

14. "Happy" by Pharrell Williams: Ever the overachiever, Pharrell wrote another song for another music artist that eventually became a massive hit. He wrote the song for CeeLo Green, but CeeLo's record label nixed it even though Pharrell thought Ceelo's version of the song was better than even his. Pharrell then released his own version of his song which became the main soundtrack song for Despicable Me 2. The song charted for 47 straight weeks and to this date is Pharrell's best performing song.

15. "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry: This was Perry's first mainstream hit. Before this song, Perry was a semi-known Contemporary Christian singer. No one foresaw that she would break out to be one of the biggest A-list pop stars of the past decade and that her image would go from conservative to the latex dress wearing woman who would go on to top every magazine's sexiest list.

Songs that have Different Meanings than You Thought

Screencap from Lady Gaga's music video "Poker Face"
Ever have a favorite song, memorized the lyrics, and sing it out loud while you're in your car or in your shower. Maybe you even sing that song occasionally in front of an inebriated audience at a local bar's karaoke night. Listening to that song countless times, you may think you're an expert about the meaning of that song.

Well, everything may not be as you thought. Here's a list of some hit songs that many people have heard over and over again, but never knew the real meaning of the song. It may make you think twice when you listen to that song the next time.

1. "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan: The song that everyone associates with the sad, abused dogs commercials now was once a hit song that peaked on the charts when the movie City of Angels hit movie theaters in the late '90s. People associated the song with the angel that gave up his immortality to be with a woman that he cared for. Schools played the song at proms and homecoming dances so couples could waddle back and forth slowly in each other's arms.

What if you found out the song the overdose death of musician? The Smashing Pumpkins' Jonathan Melvoin, a touring keyboardist, overdosed on heroin in 1996 and passed away. He died while Smashing Pumpkins drummer Jimmy Chamberlain tried to revive him, but it didn't work. With ties to Prince, The Wrecking Crew, and the punk band, The Dickies, despite Melvoin passing without much mainstream notice, he was well known within the industry. So much so that McLachlan wrote "Angel" in his memory.

2. "Zombie" by the Cranberries: The hit song released in 1994 was a popular song that helped solidify the Cranberries as one of the top grunge acts. It was so popular that it won "Best Song" at the 1995 MTV Europe Music Awards.

How many times have you listened to this song and thought of the 1916 Easter Rising? The majority of people outside of the United Kingdom probably have no idea what that even was.

In 1916 there were skirmishes between England and those in Northern Ireland who wanted to establish an independent Ireland. Over 500 Irish people were killed and another 2,600 were injured when the British shelled Dublin, leaving the inner part of the major city in ruins.

Almost 90 years later Delores Riordan paid tribute to this historical event by writing "Zombie", not knowing that it would be perhaps the most recognizable song that the successful band released.

3. "Semi-Charmed Life" by Third Eye Blind: This upbeat pop-rock song had tons of teenage girls singing in unison together while hitting parties and driving to the local mall. If those same people knew what the song was really about, they may have thought twice about singing it publicly with their friends.

Stephan Jenkins, the writer of the song and singer for Third Eye Blind told Billboard Magazine, "It's a dirty, filthy song about snorting speed and getting blow jobs." Just the type of song you want your sixteen-year-old singing with her friends.

4. "The One I Love" by R.E.M.: A song that many couples mistook for a love song, Michael Stipe once remarked that it would amaze him when he would perform the song and see couples making out in front of him.

Stipe has said that the song has a darker theme about people using other people and then ditching them when they were no longer needed. The song even uses the line, "a simple prop to occupy my time," which refers to the people that were used.

Stipe told Rollingstone Magazine, "I've always left myself pretty open to interpretation. It's probably better that they just think it's a love song at this point."

5. "Born in the U.S.A." by Bruce Springsteen: Many mistake this as being a patriotic rock song to the point that even President Ronald Reagan requested to use the song during his 1984 campaign.

What many people fail to notice is that the song is about a Vietnam veteran and there mistreatment once they came back home from the war. Many of Springsteen's songs are about the average Joe and in this case, a soldier that did his job and came back home to a country full of people that didn't respect the man.

6. "Like a Virgin" by Madonna: The song that was made infamous when Madonna sung it at the first MTV Music Awards while writing on the floor in a wedding dress, has been most often associated about a woman losing their virginity. Lyrics such as, "touched for the very first time," contributed to this belief.

The song in fact was written by a man named Billy Steinberg who has said that the song is about coming off a bad breakup and starting a new relationship. He also stated that the song was not even originally written for a female singer.

Madonna even added later on, "...how can you be like a virgin?"

7. "Royals" by Lorde: While most people believe the hit song is inspired by British royalty. References to driving Cadillacs and jewelry only solidify this image.

What most people don't know is that the inspiration of the song is a photo that Lorde saw in National Geographic Magazine of Kansas City Royals Hall-of-Famer, George Brett. In this picture he is surrounded by a mass of fans that are holding out items for him to autograph. This image of being adored by the masses inspired Lorde to write her hit song.

8. "Ticket to Ride" by the Beatles: In a seemingly innocent song, people often believe this Beatles hit was about riding on trains in Europe.

Before the Beatles became world famous they toured Germany, practicing their craft and refining their sound. One of the German cities they spent a lot of time in was Hamburg. In the city of Hamburg, prostitutes carry "tickets" or otherwise known as health cards to show that they were STD-free.

9. "Can't Feel My Face" by The Weeknd: A pop song by the man whose hair might go down in the history books along with the Flock of Seagulls haircut, most people believe it's a love song. The lyric, "I can't feel my face when I'm with you, and I love it," leads people to believe this.

In reality, the song is about a cocaine addiction in where the person who is the subject of the song can't feel his face because he's feeling the effects the cocaine is having on his body.

10. "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga: With the catchy, cool title, lyrically it misleads people to believe that it's a song about Gaga hooking up with a guy.

Later Gaga came out and admitted that the song is about her fantasizing about being with a woman while she's hooking up with a guy. The "poker face" reference is about how she hides her true feelings in the middle of having sex with the unsuspecting man. He never knows what she's thinking about because she's hidden it well.