Renee' A. Lee's Blog, page 3
April 17, 2015
Things patients say
CardiacRelative walks up to worker....... asking if he can get an appointment, clerical officer says sure. Which clinic ? relative lady mi nuh know ennuh ..... him sick wid him heart .......suh a mussi heartopedic........ woiiiii
Physiotherapyman seeks direction ....... where are you supposed to be going sir? man responds lady u nuh si mi finga bruk ...... nuh mus fingatheraphy
Gynae Patient seeks information .......Miss is here suh a di Guyanese clinic? EndocrinePatient missed appointment.......... hi young man mi miss mi end-of-crime appointment you can give me anadda one please?
Paedi EndoA mother hunts down a clinic secretary to make a P-U- Endo clinic appointment for her baby....... No sah
Ante-NatalWoman walks up to clerk ....... " can you show me to the antenna clinic please"
PrescriptionPatient to the pharmacist....... how much fi full di description?"
Post MortemImagine the surprise of the clerical officer who was chastised by a patient for losing her post mortem report .. . and the list goes on............I know my colleagues will agree when I say we have been suffering like this for years and we need compensation for the trauma ....
April 16, 2015
In my bed.....
If you are anything like me, sitting in a classroom on a Thursday evening is not an appealing prospect.... but there we were clamoring to absorb what the lecturer was saying.
She must have sensed our distress because she instructed us to get up and form a semi circle.
yeah a deh suh it get noiiiiicee !!!!!!!
instructions for the game .....without stating the company say a slogan you are familiar with . Fairly easy so we started.
a...... have it your way
b....... the bigger better network
c........ size matters
d......... finger licking good
e......... the best a man can get
f......... strong enough for a man made for a woman
g .........boosts you up
h..........gives you wings
I......... be extraordinary
j..... soup it up
by this time the teacher eye full of water ...... we are wondering whats so funny hear di damn teacher now
" ok everybody , we are going around again this time before your slogan you must say
IN MY BED ...... followed by the slogan"
Now everybody start to memba dem slogan and start to pop up
In my bed ....... have it your way
in my bed .... ... the bigger better network
in my bed........ size matters
in my bed ........ finger licking good
in my bed ......... the best a man can get
in my bed .......... strong enough for a man but made for a woman
in my bed.........boosts you up
in my bed ........ gives you wings
in my bed........ be extraordinary
in my bed ......... soup it up
Well played Miss........... Well played
April 13, 2015
The blood of Jesus
Having not slept well Saturday night I was awoken by what could only be described as high pitch screaming ..... I got up and peeped through the bathroom window and saw a man bending over the wall with a knife in his hand calling my neighbor " Di ole demon bitch" to which she responded on top of her voice almost in a song format
" The blood , The blood The blood of Jesus is against you" this continued for the better part of two hours
"Lawd have mercy mi head start ti hat mi "
So you know me jus wait til the sun go down and my neighbor fi calm down fi guh fass.
Would you believe that a connect di bwoy connect on wire pon di oman cable and when she see di movements and accost him him grab up knife.
Him never know she have di blood ..... mi say she just give it to him. She saw bwoy mi nuh fraid because the blood of Jesus is again at you.
August 8, 2014
As we say goodbye
If we knew the exact minute of our demise, would our decisions be different?
Would we treat others differently ?
Our mortality is a issue that we often shy away from. Families lose track if its members and often times it takes a tragedy for members to unite.
As my family mourns the loss of a cornerstone, I cant help but wonder, why do families wait until tragedy strikes to reunite.
Here's to rebuilding family bonds as we say farewell to a daughter, a sister and a mom.
Rest in peace .... Joy Hyacinth Mitchell.
July 18, 2014
Dear Jesus protect us from harm and green arm
Having spent my teenage years in a rural community in Westmoreland I was exposed to a whole host of myths ranging from how to ward off duppy to how to eradicate green arm. Today as I was held hostage on the bus by a man with the greenest of arms I tried to remember what mamma used to say was the sure fire remedy for that affliction. Was it baking soda? Hot potato? Banana leave? Unfortunately my brain decided to pull blanks.
You mean to tell me in modern day Jamaica with running water and cheap soap people still a walk around with " green arm"
Not even the memories from when I used to walk past saw mills as a child with freshly cut cedar tree could compete. The man rere so green and the a/c just circulate the scent I almost passed flat out.
That stomach turning smell need axe, halls,gingerlog, icy mint sweetie inna one fi help soothe the stomach.
Oh lord please protect us from harm and these wicked green arms.
July 15, 2014
Golden Circle Chronicles: The Porter
Now I say Golden Circle is notorious for having a diversified combination of characters as staff members. Some are brilliant, others troubled, some shoulder deep seated self esteem issues , some are psychotic, others vindictive, some loquacious, then there are the oversexed and also the desperately in need it sex.
Its funny, everyday we interact with each other and have no clue how our colleague categorise or perceive us.
While on one my dreaded weekend duties I was drawn into a conversation with a young man who is of the impression that he is the cats pyjamas.
His idea of romancing is to talk a woman to into submission...... Like seriously the young man must have a steady diet of chicken batty fah man nuh spose to chat suh much.
Gentle Jesus him chat till mi haffi just give up and move. I had to say to him .... Mr World women rarely take to men who are as chatty as you.
His response ....... him nuh business wat Oman wah think ..... So obviously him a look fi mate wid a goat because no woman in her right mind will want a man that daily routine have more dialogue that all the day time soap operas combined.
Puppa Jesus if you nuh busy .... Intervene fi mi. Woooiiiiii
After me a tell the fellow fi tone down wid Di mout a massy business him say ... Some people like you come here a wrench up yuh face because you home life miserable and is people like me haffi cheer unnuh up.
Yeah after him say dat mi brain immediately run outta phone card and mi jus hang up.
Just goes to show how people stay inna dem coop and a pree people going on their merry way ... Did damn outta order bwoy .......
Ahhhh sah ..... The chronicles continues.
July 11, 2014
Mass Joe
No sah ..... I get very fraid with my business these last few days... because the scandal business it tun up inna di place. From this week start, people's business has been the source of my unending laughter and to close off the week a conductor crack me up pon di country bus aka (portmore coaster) inna this Friday yah.
Of course if you ever take a country bus aka portmore coaster you know that the driver and the conductor nuh normally have dem mannaz pon dem.
So doh get frisky and try toe to toe wid them or dem will chat you business .... whether it is real or imagined.
Soooooooo...... this slim girl is escorted to the bus by her doting spouse (we assume), who gives her money and hands over her corouches after she is properly seated , he then proceeds to wait until the bus drives off before walking away in the opposite direction.
Woiiiii as di bus cross over the stop light hear di girl inna a very stocious voice.
Ahhhhhhmmmm conductor yuh can let me off please I want to take a 20a instead. Hear di wicked conductor yeah come up wid the fare , is bills from the bus drive off the stand.
Poor girl haffi pay 100 dollar for one minute drive. Hear the conductor after she come off.
Think unnuh Oman easy ..... Hmmmm give di man a big ass pill inna di evening and now she gawn over to Joe. Then he proceeds to ask the women on the bus if any of them know Mass Joe.
Hear him ....Mass Joe annuh easy bwoy ennuh, him specialise inna tekking whey man Oman.
Hahaha no sah
People remember if you have to take a country bus ..... keep the business under wraps because these bus men are like leaky fridge dem nuh play fi leak people business.
July 3, 2014
July 2, 2014
Oh brother why me ?
Leaving school to go to home in the country (aka Portmore) when you don't own a vehicle is no laughing matter but every now and again you will come across an individual that will crack you up.
So..... after fighting and sustaining a few body blows from my fellow county residents I made it into a coaster bus.
Th e driver is a very Rick Ross like ..... And I ain't talking bout just lose a hu n dred pounds skinny Rick Ross . Rick Ross with the Santa Clause gut .
He turned to me and asked
" You married ?"
I replied no I am not married
He say " ohhhhh "
By this time I am curious as to why he would ask this question and then follow up with ohhhhh.
So me tek my nuff self and decide to press him for the answer to my questions.
Bwoy was I wrong I should have just remained curious.
So I asked him why the ohhhhhh ?
His response
"Well mi know you cyah wash and mi know yuh cyah cook and mi know seh you especially cyah do 6:30 "
To which all the women at the front of the bus start cracking up.
What was funny to me is that I don't even think he would know what to do with 6:30 with him oversize self. Cho kmt .
Bwoy me neva know say a suh di married ting tun up. Woooooiiiiiiii guess immo be unmarried for a while if 6:30 is a prerequisite.
Hmmmm guess its true curiosity really does kill the cat.
#lessonlearnt - doh try toe to toe wid bus man.
July 1, 2014
Golden Circle Hospital Chronicles : Unnuh Sick mi stomach
Protect us from evil ohhh lord as we venture to Golden Circle.
Every day we leave the comfort of our homes and come to Golden Circle to endure the abuse. Golden Circle patience are very vilence ennuh and the brunt of the anger is directed to the clerical worker and security personnel.
Typical day @ Golden Circle
Clerical officer : "Come this way ma'am, pass the security then have a seat and wait for your name to be called"
Patient : "Come Babes"
Clerical officer: "No ma'am just you, its patient only."
Patient: "a wah happen to dem dutty people yah man? Annuh bwoy fren dat ennuh lady, dat a husband. Nuff ah unnuh nuh like see oman wid dem man cyah unnuh nuh have none fi unnuh self."
Clerical Officer: "yes man and after all is said and done is just the patient alone can come."
By this time har face thoroughly crease up and har mouth long like swordfish.
Patient: "Security mi husband cyah come eeen?"
Security: "Miss you have to follow the instruction the lady just gave you."
Patient:" Di whole ah unnuh up yah sick mi stomach. "
Ahhhh keep us in unnuh prayers people ....ohhh fah we needs it .
