Pernille Ripp's Blog, page 27

Our Favorite First Week of School Picture Books

For the past many years, our first day of school has included a read-aloud of a picture book.  This central part of our classroom journey starts us off right, inviting students in to share a moment of wonder, of laughter.  It starts discussions and sets the tone for the year to come.  This is why selecting the first picture book to read aloud is such a big deal for me; what tone do I want to set?  Which book will help students gain an ounce of trust when it comes to the experience we are about to embark on?  Usually, I have students choose the book they want me to read aloud to them, sometimes I choose for them, but in case you need a few ideas, here are the picture books I love choosing from.

All Are Welcome by Alexandra Penfold and Suzanna Kaufman

We Don’t Eat Our Classmates by Ryan T. Higgins

I Walk With Vanessa by Kerascoet

Mixed – A Colorful Story by Arree Chung

Drawn Together by Minh Le and Dan Santat

The Day You Begin by Jacqueline Woodson and Rafael Lopez

Dreamers by Yuyi Morales

What if by Samantha Berger and Mike Curato

 

Happy Dreamer by Peter H. Reynolds

Be Kind by Pat Zietlow Miller and Jen Hill

Welcome: A Mo Willems Guide for New Arrivals

You Hold Me Up by Monique Gray Smith and Danielle Daniel

My Teacher is a Monster (No, I am Not) by Peter Brown

After the Fall by Dan Santat

Jabari Jumps by Gaia Cornwall

School’s First Day of School  written by Adam Rex and illustrated by Christian Robinson

Baa Baa Smart Sheep  created by Mark and Rowan Sommerset

 Let Me Finish written by Minh Le illustrated by Isabel Roxas.

 

Ferocious Fluffity  written by Erica S. Perl and illustrated by Henry Cole

A Hungry Lion  or A Dwindling Assortment of Animals by Lucy Ruth Cummins

Unicorn Thinks He’s Pretty Great by Bob Shea

 My Name Is Sangoel by Karen Williams (Author), Khadra Mohammed (Author), Catherine Stock (Illustrator)

 Ballet Cat The Totally Secret Secret by Bob Shea

Elwood Bigfoot Wanted:  Birdie Friends by Jill Esbaum

Pete & Pickles by Berkeley Breathed

Open This Little Book by Jesse Klausmeier

It’s a Book by Lane Smith 

What are your favorite first week of school picture books?  To see all of our favorites, go here

On Not Being a Reader…Yet

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She tells me she doesn’t want to go to first grade.  That she no longer wants to be a first grader.

This child who loves school.

This child who loves her teachers.

This child who has been beaming since the day she realized that after kindergarten came first grade, another year to learn, another year to grow.

And yet, here she is, declaring that for her school is no longer where she wants to be.  So I ask, what changed?  Why not?  And she gets a little quiet, sinks a little bit into my body, snuggles up as if the secret is hard to carry and tells me quietly, “I don’t know how to read…”

Because in her mind, all first graders know how to read.  Because in her mind all first graders know how to look at a book and automatically unlock all of its secrets just like that.  And why shouldn’t she?  Hew twin brother, 21 minutes younger, is already deciphering words, putting letters together to uncover the mystery of the page before him.  Asking me what this word means.  How to spell this word.

And yet she sits in front of a page still working through her letter sounds, trying to remember the foundational blocks before she pieces them together.  She sits in front of a page and instead of seeing opportunity she sees something that she cannot conquer, that she has not conquered, despite now being an almost first grader who supposedly should have conquered it.

I realize that once again, our well-meaning intentions, those benchmarks we put in place to ensure every child is a success has claimed another temporary victim whose self-esteem now relies on a part of her that her brain simply isn’t developmentally ready for.  Because that’s it.  There is nothing wrong with her capabilities.  Nothing wrong with her skills.  Nothing wrong with that smart brain of hers, other than that it is not ready.  Not ready right now, no matter how many district mandates tries to say she should be, but she will be.

And so I wonder how often do we lose kids within our standards?  How often do we add labels because of a rigid system that tells us not only how each child should learn but also when and then lets us decide that a perfectly fine child is now behind.  How often do we, because of outside forces, lose a child’s place in school because a chart, a book, a system, told us that the child was lost.

I will tell you this, much like I told my Ida, she is a reader.  She is a reader who is figuring it out.  She is a reader who is growing.  But more importantly, she is a child.  A child who will read when she is ready.  Who is ready for first grade despite the benchmarks reminders of what she should be able to do.  She is ready and until the first day of school, and for every day after, we will snuggle into bed together with a book, reading the pages together, developing at the pace that was intended.  Not the one dictated by something that will never know the nuances of my child.

If you like what you read here, consider reading my newest book, Passionate Readers – The Art of Reaching and Engaging Every Child.  This book focuses on the five keys we can implement into any reading community to strengthen student reading experiences, even within the 45 minute English block.  If you are looking for solutions and ideas for how to re-engage all of your students consider reading my very first book  Passionate Learners – How to Engage and Empower Your Students.      Also, if you are wondering where I will be in the coming year or would like to have me speak, please see this page.

On Boy Books and Girl Books

I get asked for a lot of book recommendations, I think it comes with the territory when you share the love of books.  And while I love pairing books with potential readers, I have also noticed a pattern that causes me to pause, that should cause all of us to pause.

I get asked for a lot of books featuring male lead characters for male readers.

When I ask why the need for a male lead, I am often told that “they” just don’t think a boy will read a “girl book.”  That a boy will not like a book about feelings.  That a boy only wants books that have action.  That have other boys in it.  That feature characters that look just like them or at the very least think like them.

As if every single boy thinks alike.

When written like this it is easy to see the problem; when we assume that there is such a thing as books for girls and books for boys, we are continuing a tired and sexist narrative that has only furthered the power inequity that already exists within our society.  We are creating a new generation of mansplaining, of groupthink, of toxic masculinity.  Of girls only liking one thing, and boys liking another.  Of men and women being from different planets.  Of readers being shaped more by their assigned gender than their actual interests.

We are furthering the stereotype that boys don’t like to read about girls because they see little value in what girls do.

We are furthering the stereotype that boys don’t like to read about feelings because they are somehow above all of that.

We are furthering the stereotype of what it means to be a boy which translates into what it means to be a man and not seeing the incredible harm in that.

Because what about the boys that love a good tearjerker?  What about the boys that don’t like sports?  What about the boys that love to experience the emotional development of a character?  What about the boys that love a great female lead character?  What about the girls who don’t fit into the opposite boxes?  Do they not deserve to have books suggested to them, no matter the gender of the protagonist?

And I think of my own children, my three girls and one boy, whose reading interests are as varied as their personalities.  Sure there are Minecraft books being read by Oskar, but not until Thea reads them first.  Sure there are unicorn books with pink sparkly covers being read by Augustine but not until Oskar sees if the unicorn gets rescued first.  I would hate for anyone to assume that they knew who they were as readers based only on their gender.

So when we claim that a read-aloud featuring a female protagonist will likely not catch the attention of our boy readers, we have whittled the male reading identity down to practically nothing.  Males – good.  Sports – good.  Action – good. We have diminished what it means to be a reader who develops with the books they read.  We have diminished what it means to identify as male.  We have diminished their chance to learn from a perspective that may at first seem foreign but in the end may just be more similar than they ever thought.  We have effectively boxed our boys in only to then wonder why they may act a certain way.

How often does this thinking then translate into the very books we recommend to the boys we teach?  To the girls?  How often do our assumptions about their needs as a reader surpass what they actually need?  How often does this translate into the read alouds we choose?  The texts we bless by spending our time on them as a community?

And I realize that I don’t get asked the opposite very often.  That often when I am asked for a recommendation for a female reader, the gender of the protagonist is hardly ever brought up.  That instead the most common descriptor is a strong story development, a story that will hold their attention.  Why do our boys not deserve the same?

So I am wondering if we for once and for all, can we all agree that there is no such thing as a girl or a boy book?  That kids need to be exposed to characters that inspire them, no matter their gender.  That kids need to be exposed to characters that will expand their worldviews and invite them into new worlds that they knew little of before, no matter their gender.  That kids need to be exposed to great books, without us adults thinking that they will only read a certain type of book based on what we see in front of us.

We must give them a chance to experience more than what they are.  Books allow us to do just that, but not if they never read them.  Not if we never recommend them.  That’s on us, which means we can change it, so let’s do that starting now.

If you like what you read here, consider reading my newest book, Passionate Readers – The Art of Reaching and Engaging Every Child.  This book focuses on the five keys we can implement into any reading community to strengthen student reading experiences, even within the 45 minute English block.  If you are looking for solutions and ideas for how to re-engage all of your students consider reading my very first book  Passionate Learners – How to Engage and Empower Your Students.      Also, if you are wondering where I will be in the coming year or would like to have me speak, please see this page.

 

 

On the First Day of School

Sitting next to the ocean on vacation with three feverish children has given me a lot of time to think.  To relax.  To lay puzzles.  Read books.  Take walks.  Recharge.  I wish everyone could have a quiet time like this.

In the quiet, the new school year sneaks in.  Thoughts and ideas spring forth, the excitement starts to build.  There are changes this year once again; only three classes to teach, each 90 minutes long.  New focuses brought in.  New ideas to try.  A sense of urgency that cannot be replicated.  I cannot wait.

And so I think about the very first day of school.  Of the experience, we will have.  Of the things, we will do together.  But most importantly, how I want our students to feel after they leave our classroom experience together. How I would love for them to feel at the end of the day.  Hopefully excited, hopefully intrigued.  Hopefully safe.  Hopefully accepted. Hopefully wanting to come back.

Because when we plan for the first day of school, that’s what we should be planning for; how they feel after they leave us.

Not just all of the things we need to do, but the very tone we set.  Not just all we have to cover,  but the beginnings of the relationships we will create.

And so I plan for a picture book read aloud.  I plan for book shopping.  I plan for conversation, for the beginning moments of community.  I plan for laughter.  I plan for fun.

The stuff?  The projects?  The nuts and bolts of our year together?  That will come.  But on that very first day, it is not what is most important; our beginning relationship as a community is.  And so that’s what we focus on.

Everything else can wait.

How do you want your students to feel after the first day of school?

If you like what you read here, consider reading my newest book, Passionate Readers – The Art of Reaching and Engaging Every Child.  This book focuses on the five keys we can implement into any reading community to strengthen student reading experiences, even within the 45 minute English block.  If you are looking for solutions and ideas for how to re-engage all of your students consider reading my very first book  Passionate Learners – How to Engage and Empower Your Students.      Also, if you are wondering where I will be in the coming year or would like to have me speak, please see this page.

How to Easily Do A Book Talk

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One of the pillars of our reading community is the daily book talk.  While I used to do them once in a while, I was spurred on by the wisdom of Penny Kittle to do one every single day, which I have now fully embraced for the past few years.

So in the last few years, I have done a book talk almost every single day right after we finish our independent reading.  It takes less than two minutes and is fairly simple.  I used to plan them out much more but realized that it added another level of work to my already jam-packed day and that it didn’t seem to make a difference to the students whether I did a pre-scripted one or one that was more spur of the moment.  So this is what our book talks look like now.

Preparation:

Pick the text you will book talk – note this can be a chapter book, audiobook, a collection of short stories or whatever you feel like blessing as Linda Gambrell reminds us.
I like to book talk a variety of new books I have read as well as older books that haven’t been discovered yet. One place I look to for inspiration is what my students have recommended in the past.
Decide your angle:  Are you book talking it because you read it and it was amazing?  Because you abandoned it and need someone to prove you wrong?  Because you added it to the library but haven’t read it?
Prepare your visual.  I like to project the cover of the book so that students can easily write down the tile.  I also put any genres abbreviations on the slide and whether or not is a more mature book.
Have the physical book ready to hold up and hand to someone or place on a designated book talk shelf or display.

During the book talk:

Keep it short and sweet.  I tend to say a few sentences about the book and why I liked it/abandoned it/purchased it and then read either the first page, the inside flap or the back cover.  I love these teasers as they are already made for us.
Have the book ready to hand out.  The only time I break this recommendation is when I just finished a book and I want to book talk it to all of my classes.  Then I try to find extra copies beforehand, such as from our school library.
Students should have their to-be-read list out which is located either in their readers’ notebook or using the Goodreads app.  This is a routine expectation we start with the very first week.

Pointers:

Start to transfer ownership of the book talks to students fairly early on, you should not be the only one book talking a book.  I love using the 30-second book talk idea to help students become more comfortable with the format and also ensure that everyone participates.
If I am the one doing the book talk there is only one given, if it is students, then there can be up to three depending on their length.  Again, this is short and sweet, not the actual teaching point of the class.
If many students want to book talk their book, consider making it the teaching point and dedicate a lesson time for it or have them do a speech about their favorite book.
Keep an anchor chart or some sort of visual of which books you have book talked, not only does it provide a reminder to students about the books shared, but it also allows you to ensure that you are providing inclusive book talks that do not just fall under one genre, cultural heritage or some other category.
Place book talked book the same place so that students know where to find them.  We have a book tree that serves as everyone’s place to recommend books so that is where they go.
Check to see if there are book trailers available.  I still think the book trailer for The False Prince by Jennifer A. Nielsen has convinced more students to read the book than I ever have, and I love that book.

I have loved doing daily book talks and also getting them from students and I now see them as a vital component of any thriving reading community.  When we book talk a book it is the invitation into a relationship with that book for all of our students, what a powerful teaching tool that is.

 

My Teacher Lesson Planner

Even though September is still far away, my mind has been on my classroom lately.  How can it not be when I am as excited to meet my new students as I am?  This is also the first year that I get to go back to block teaching, but this time in 7th grade, rather than elementary.  To say my mind is swimming with ideas as I sit by the ocean would be an understatement.

I realized that one of the tools I seem to need every year is a great lesson planner.  I have gone through many iterations, none that I truly loved, and yet, as I looked online I felt a little inspired.  You see, those beautiful lesson planners for sale are truly gorgeous, but…I need different things than what they offer.  I need a place to actually plan the different components of my class, a place to keep student birthdays, a place to put my data in when I have it, and so on.

Rather than purchase one of the very pretty, but perhaps not so needed, teacher lesson planners that I see advertised everywhere, I thought I would just make my own.  While it may not be put together for me, I can put this in a binder, add what I need, change the pages I don’t like, and truly make it work for me.

I figure the money I save by making my own I can use on books and scratch and sniff stickers.

So what are the components of my teacher lesson planner this year?  Feel free to use as your own, as some of these I have created and some I have merely found online.  These are the different tabbed components.

Student Checklist.  I use a very easy table that I simply type up every year with the list of student names.  Once I have done that, I can use the table for all sort of things throughout the year.  It ends up looking something like this.

Year overview calendar.  I like being able to see the year at a glance, so I was thrilled to find this school year calendar offered for printing by Vertex 42.  There are also many others out there that you can simply print.

Monthly overview calendar.  My school functions on a black/orange schedule, and while my day doesn’t change, it helps to know which day it is.  I usually print my own school’s monthly calendar but found this option online as well for 2018 and 2019.  This is also where I plan to place student birthdays on so I can make sure to celebrate them in style.

Weekly planner.  This is the document I am still working on as I continue to tweak my 90-minute schedule.  I will write more about this once the year is underway I bet, but for now, this is my working schedule and my weekly plan template. 

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Data section.  This is where I like to keep my rosters, my reading data, and also any IEP, 504, ESL,  or health notes.

Standards section.  Our standards have been tweaked every year, so I like to keep a printed copy handy rather than have to look it up each time.

Extra section.  Every year, I have a few paper copies of things I need to keep handy but they don’t really fit under a theme.  That’s where the extra section comes in, use it for notes, for copies, numbers, whatever you need.

All of these sections will be placed in some sort of color binder with some sort of tabs.  I know it’s not as much fun as some of the planners I have seen, but you know what, it works for me.

We Send You Our Best

I have shared Thea’s story with school for years.  How our oldest daughter was labeled a struggling reader in kindergarten and has been in intervention ever since.  How she declared that reading was simply too hard in 2nd grade, despite her incredible teachers, but that Dog Man by Dav Pilkey made her believe that she was a reader and that she had always been a reader.

How our oldest daughter was bullied so badly that she asked whether you could survive without friends.  That she ended up changed last year, new pieces of a puzzle that we have yet to figure out how to fit together.

I have shared how we have we searched for answers.  How we have focused on protecting her hope of reading.  Her love of school.  How we have flooded her with books, fought for her right to be safe, and seemingly tried everything we can to make her believe that she has worth.

Thea is a child who tries even when it is hard.  She is our dreams come true.

What I have never shared, fully, is the guilt that comes with having your child identified as someone who hasn’t learned what they should.  The shame in your own parental structures.  The questioning of your own ability to parent successful children who do not need intervention.  Who do not end up being a question mark.

Who do not end up being bullied.  Being the victim of other children’s vicious nature and whims.

Who do not end up being the parents of a child who thinks that she doesn’t deserve friends, because she is lame.

I think of all of those emotions that are tied in with our own children’s journey.  How their journey in school only seems to highlight the failures we have as parents.  As people.  How we blame ourselves when they fail to reach benchmarks.  When they get in trouble.  When they fail to find the community that other children seem to so easily find.  When they make decisions that we seemingly cannot understand and we know that the teachers that teach them may very well think that we are the ones that pushed them in that direction.

How many nights of conversations my husband and I have had about what we were doing wrong.  About what else we could do.  Trying to come up with solutions to a situation we are not sure we understand.  How many nights we have held our tongue and assumed that perhaps a teacher did not see how something affected our child.  How many nights I have cried over how I have failed my own child because of what she has to face.  How I wish I could take her place but that I know that as a parent that is not my role.

I think of how many times I have assumed that a child stood in front of me and acted a certain way because that is how their parents or those at home acted.  That the child in front of me is surely the product of everything those at home failed to do.

I am ashamed of this realization.  Of the judgment, I have so easily passed.  Of the assumptions, I have let shape my decisions in how to work with kids.  In how to work with those at home.  But in shame comes learning.  Comes growth.

Because what Thea has taught me, what all of our children have taught me, is that most parents try their best.  That we send you the very best kid we can.  That we have probably done all of the things that are meant to make our child as successful as they can but it turns out it might just not be enough.

That sometimes even though we follow the rules, take the advice, try all of the tricks, a child, our child, will still confound us.  Will still mystify us.  Will still make us pause as we wonder what else we could have done.

I hope my children’s teachers see us as parents who try.  That they know that sometimes we don’t understand a behavior either.  That we have raised them right but that doesn’t guarantee that they will act right.  That even though we did all the things to raise a reader, our child, who is a reader, may not be able to read well, yet.  That even though we have raised our child to be kind, helpful, and loving, others may not see her as such.

May we all remember how hard it is to send a child to school.  How hard it is to let go and hope that the child that walks through those doors is the child you hoped would show up.  Because we tried.  Because we are trying.  And I hope you see that.  I hope we all remember that.

If you like what you read here, consider reading my newest book, Passionate Readers – The Art of Reaching and Engaging Every Child.  This book focuses on the five keys we can implement into any reading community to strengthen student reading experiences, even within the 45 minute English block.  If you are looking for solutions and ideas for how to re-engage all of your students consider reading my very first book  Passionate Learners – How to Engage and Empower Your Students.      Also, if you are wondering where I will be in the coming year or would like to have me speak, please see this page.

 

On Saying No More

I have realized in the past week that self-care is something I need to plan for. Is something every educator needs to plan for. That no matter what we do, which role we play, we can always feel like we are not enough. Like there is not enough of us. But I have also realized that that is not true.

 There is enough of us but just too much of other things.

 There will always be more coming at us, no matter what we do. There will always be that one thing, that one opportunity, that little thing that someone just would love for us to do and if we could just squeeze it in that would be great.

But I don’t want to squeeze anything in.

I want to be fully present.

To give my best when I am there.

To step away when I am not.

To not apologize for taking care of me.

I have realized that the time you give should be a gift and if whatever you are giving your time to doesn’t feel that way then perhaps you shouldn’t be giving your time to it.

I have been reminded that saying no is not a privilege but a right.

I have been reminded that I am enough, but to stay that way, I need to preserve, reserve, and conserve.

And I have been reminded that too many of us feel the drain, feel the rush, feel the need to be everything for everyone and that we are killing ourselves in the process.

We don’t have to.

We just can’t forget that.

 

On Reader Identity and Its Importance

I was asked recently why the need to focus on reader identity.  Won’t that develop normally if we just focus on skills and all of the things we do within our reading communities?  In the past, I would have said, maybe, perhaps reader identity develops no matter what we do, now, however, my answer would be a little more complicated than that.

Yes, reader identity develops in whichever way with whatever we do in our classrooms.  This is how we end up with the difference in readers.  Those who love to read, those who tolerate it as a means to a purpose, and those who cannot wait to tell us just how much they hate reading.

But to develop a meaningful reader identity, one that goes beyond the obvious questions of are you a reader or not, we have to have teaching opportunities where students can explore what their reading identity is to begin with and then chart a specific course to further explore it and grow.

That means we spend an awful lot of time self-reflecting, discussing and also setting goals so that every child has a chance to answer thoughtfully, who are they as a reader.  So that every child can leave our year together having a fuller sense of what it means for them to be a reader, particularly outside of school and our set reading environments.  This discovery is what creates lifelong readers, but it won’t just happen for all if we don’t make it a point to actually bring it into our teaching.  If we don’t actually plan for the development of all reading identities within our time together.

So where do you start?  Well, I start with a survey (it can be found here or here ) not just so I can get to know the kids but so that they can start getting to know themselves.

Then we confer: what are their reading goals?  No longer do I set the goals for kids, instead they reflect on the relationship and needs they have within reading and then set a goal.  One that is meaningful and personal to their growth.  Some need a lot of help uncovering what that is and others seem to know right away what they need to work on.  We use the 7th-grade reading challenge to help them goal set as we discuss that for some quantity of reading is a great goal, while for others it is much more about habits and developing who they are.

And then we start the work.  The reading, the lessons, the experiences that create our reading community.  Woven throughout all of that though is the need to go back and reflect on the goal they have set and to help them process their own growth.

So every time I confer.

So every time we reflect.

So every chance we get, I ask, “What are you working on as a reader?” and let their answers guide our conversation.

Those who set a goal just to set a goal are quickly helped to try to come up with a goal that is more meaningful to them.  Those who set a goal that doesn’t make sense are quickly prompted to dig deeper.  And those who set a goal that they have little way to reach on their own, well, that’s where our teaching comes in.

It is within the constant conversation always circling back to the question, “Who are you as a reader?” that our students can start to piece together their answer. That they can start to understand the identity that they carry as a reader.   That answer goes beyond their book likes, their reading minutes, their skills.  It speaks to how they handle books, now just how much they read, but when they read, how they select what to read, and what they do with it once they are done.  How they view reading within the broader scope of their lives and who they will be as readers one they leave us.

So whenever I am asked, why bother with student reading identity, I think of the students who started out simply telling me that reading was not for them but left us knowing so much more.  That reading was for them if they found the right book, had the right place and took the time to read.  That reading was for them because they had found meaningful moments within the pages of a book the previous years.  That they perhaps would even consider reading outside of class now.  This is where we see the change.  This is where we do the work.

PS:  Yup, I am still stepping back and doing less.  This post felt like I should write it so I did.  Who knows when the next one will come.

 

i am sorry

This is a personal post.  I won’t be offended if you skip it.  But as always, this little tiny space on the internet, is my place for the thoughts I carry with me and the thoughts I have right now are about this tiny space and the role I play.

Two weeks ago, I was working from home, probably checking email, Twitter, Facebook, or something else that required me to focus on my screen.  My kids were home, doing something, and Oskar, my five-year-old,  walked up to me and said, “Mom, you work a lot.” He then walked away.

For the past two weeks, these words have hit me hard, because he is right. I work a lot. I work all the time.  I work early in the morning, in the car when my husband is driving, late at night after my kids go to bed.   When I check social media, my mood changes.  I withdraw from my family.  I let the words of strangers affect my family as I get caught up in emotions I don’t need to have.  I have lost count of how many times I have had to catch my husband up on something that happened on social media which is now pulling me away from my family.  And if I am not working, I am thinking about work. About everything  I need to take care of online, the comments, the tweets, the posts, the little stuff that comes with doing the work that I have chosen to do.  Not my full-time teaching job, but my self-chosen extra work that has brought me into the lives of many others.

And while I am honored beyond words that anyone chooses to spend any time with any of my words, my ideas, or my projects, I also have no balance.  I have high blood pressure.  I have started having panic attacks.  In fact, I had one earlier today started by an email.

Before all of this, this blog being read by others, this living in a very small public eye, I never had panic attacks.  I didn’t fully understand what it meant to feel like you have disappointed strangers.  I didn’t fully understand what it feels like to be seen as someone who had all of the right answers, or to be seen as someone who should just learn to keep her mouth shut. I never brought my computer with me on vacation.  I didn’t need unlimited data just to keep up with all of the notifications, wants, questions and needs that pile up.  I didn’t look at my to be read shelf as work.

I knew what it meant to be just Pernille, a goofy, introverted, yet outspoken woman who loved her life with all of her heart.   Not Pernille Ripp who somehow has become someone I can’t live up to be.

Last week, I was supposed to speak at ISTE alongside some fantastic colleagues.  I was excited, yet nervous.  Once I got to ISTE though, I was overwhelmed, and not in a good way.  There was personal stuff going on at home, I was not feeling well healthwise, and the panic started to creep in.  How could I possibly live up to people’s expectations when I felt this awful? Then other stuff happened and I made the decision to go home. While it was the only decision I could make personally, it meant that I let others down.  That I broke a professional promise.  I never do this and yet I did it this time.  If you are one of the ones that I let down by not being there, I am so sorry.  If you waited in line, I am so sorry.  If you are one of the ones affected by my decision, I am so sorry.  I hope to make it up to everyone somehow.

But it speaks to my larger reality right now; my priorities are screwed up. I work too much.  I worry too much.  I give too much of myself to have enough left at the end of the day.  And it is only getting worse.  My doctor is telling me to stop and my kids are reminding me to listen.

So it is time for me to step back a bit. To do less work publicly, to share less, to not be so immediately available.  To be just Pernille, the person who doesn’t have all of the answers necessarily.  That only creates something because she cannot help it. That gives all of her when she is in a public space, but then steps back when she is private.

I find so much joy in the work that I get to do with kids, with adults, and I don’t want to lose that.  I want to reclaim the joy.  The experimentation. The carefree.

So if you don’t hear from me for a while, I hope it is ok.  If I don’t take care of your question for a while, I hope it is ok.  I will still be out there, sometimes on the road, sometimes behind my screen, but I can’t keep this up.  I don’t want to keep this up.

Take care of yourself, it is time for me to do the same.

Pernille