Lara Casey's Blog, page 5

What I’ve Learned in Losing My Dad

We’ve often talked about “what matters” together, focusing our lives and actions on what we hope will last. Loss is one of those experiences that shows you clearly—painfully—what actually holds lasting value in our days. I wrote these reflections as my dad was in the hospital, as he transitioned to hospice, and in the moments following his death. I was struck by my own experience and what truly mattered in the end. While everyone’s experience is different—truly—I hope these reflections guide my children and encourage you in grief and in life!

People matter. Love them.

Memories matter. Make them.

Stories matter. Tell them. Relive them. Keep them alive at family visits, at birthdays, at bedtime, on phone calls, and around the dinner table. Stories build family narratives and add up to lasting legacies. Ask for stories to be told. “Tell me a story about the time…” is one of life’s most valuable requests.

Capturing life matters. Photographs, audio recordings, and videos matter. I saved every voicemail my Dad left me. I knew I’d want to hear his voice one day, which proved true. Take a million pictures and videos. You’ll be so grateful you did.

Words matter. Share them. Generous words heal and give hope. The long texts, letters, and words offered in person from friends have continued to be sustaining nourishment in grief.

Checking in matters. Everyone’s grief and circumstances are different when anticipating or experiencing loss. Ask people what they prefer, and err on the side of often, with no reply expectations attached. Friends checking in to see how we were doing or to say they were praying or thinking of us meant the world. For us, it mattered.

Coming over matters. Come over with food. With nothing at all. With just yourself. All a huge gift. Community matters.

Shared grief matters. I am grateful for people who shared their stories of loss with me: friends from childhood, people I had never met before, the mail carrier, the grocery clerk, nurses and doctors, old friends and new, neighbors, and more. Knowing you’re not alone changes how you grieve. We pass courage to each other, and it matters.

Listening matters. Letting a friend process what they are experiencing can be life-changing. Friends did this for me. It was selfless and one of the biggest acts of love. I will never forget their generosity.

Sharing memories matters. People sending stories about my Dad and things they loved about him made a huge difference for us—and him. We read encouraging words from friends and sweet memories to him as he was in hospice. He felt loved. He felt valued. It brought him peace. It mattered.

Making space for grief matters. Our culture doesn’t know how to honor grief, so this is something you have to fight for yourself or help your friend with who is experiencing loss. Talk to a trained counselor or join a grief group and actively process your loss. Journal, take care of yourself, and let yourself experience this safely. You will feel like a mess. You will feel a lot of things. There is no set process for moving through grief. It comes in waves when you least expect it and, over time, it just gets different. Know that God is with you, and ask for what you need. Ask for help and receive it. Grieving matters.

Most of all, this life matters. Life and breath are a gift. Watching my Dad’s breath leave him, I knew—painfully at that moment and in every moment after—that we cannot take the things of this life to heaven with us. All that remains is the legacy we leave and the seeds of faith we plant in the hearts of others.

May we faithfully use the time, talents, and love we’ve been given. Our little-by-little steps add up. My Dad’s life proved this to me once again. It was the small things done in love over time that left his legacy of love and encouragement. You never know how your small seeds of faith will grow long after you are gone. It matters.

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. – Psalm 90:12.

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Our Favorite Christmas Books: Classic and New

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!” – How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss

Ahh, Christmas books. Their words have shaped our families, our culture, and our hearts over many generations. Old and new, great holiday books have a way of illuminating the season and what matters most. And, some of them are just plain fun and nostalgic.

I’ve collected a few of our favorites below and would love to hear your favorites to add to our collection. In no particular order, our favorite Christmas books:

Amazon affiliate links are used in this post! Enjoy!

For the family:
—Then Sings My Soul: Holiday Special Edition. As mentioned yesterday, we use all of Robert Morgan’s hymn books in homeschool and love them. This special edition includes songs for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter as well. Our kids love hearing the history of each holiday song.
—Hallelujah: Cultivating Advent Traditions with Handel’s “Messiah” – Our favorite Advent reading/listening. We started this last year with the kids and it’s perfect for any age. Our oldest (11) understands the readings and musical insights more than our two younger kiddos (6 and 7), but the music itself transcends age. I grew up listening to “Messiah” on my dad’s record player and it definitely influenced my love of classical music.
—Light and Life to All He Brings – My friend Gretchen is a faithful writer. This Advent collection is beautiful and engaging. I ordered the Advent cards for the kids and the In Every Season journal collection and the Grounded in the Gospel Workbook to kick off a fresh new year.
—The Gospels! The story of the Messiah’s birth, the angels, the shepherds – ah, they never cease to leave me in awe. I’ve often thought it would be meaningful to have a Bible just for the holidays where you write Christmas prayers from each family member in the margins, reflections, and notes about what you did or what you are grateful for through the season. What a treasure to come back to year after year. This red ESV journaling Bible would make a lovely family keepsake.

For the kids (and the adults who love to read them aloud, like me!):
—The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey – A beautifully written redemptive narrative for the whole family.
—Apple Tree Christmas – A nostalgic art-filled story with a meaningful gift in the end.
—The Christmas Wish – A Nordic tale with magical photos that ignite the imagination.
—The Nutcracker, Illustrated by Susan Jeffers – Pretty much anything illustrated by Susan Jeffers is a favorite.
—A Christmas Carol and Other Writings by Charles Dickens – A classic!
—Mr. Willowby’s Christmas Tree – Our quest for a tiny tree this year makes this book all the more fun.
—Christmas in the Country – I love stories about simpler times and Cynthia Rylant is a house favorite.
—Christmas Farm – A cozy story of hard work with beautiful watercolor illustrations.
—A Treasury of Christmas Stories and Songs – This collection is great for young readers. It’s a simple collection of short stories, classic Christmas lyrics, and happy illustrations.
—The Christmas Cat – A heartwarming Christmas miracle with Tasha Tudor’s classic illustrations.
—The Jolly Christmas Postman – I don’t know how I discovered this just last year. There are many surprises that come with this unique book.
—Merry Christmas Squirrels – If you know us, you know why this is on the list. Nutty the Squirrel approves!
—The Story of Holly and Ivy – Barbara Cooney’s enchanting illustrations bring this story of Christmas wishes to life. It’s a longer text that would be great for a multi-evening read-aloud.
Robert Frost’s Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, Illustrated by Susan Jeffers is a beautiful combination of writing and art! I have gifted this particular edition to friends, it’s so lovely.
—The Christmas Day Kitten by James Herriot – We love James Herriot! Have you seen the PBS series about his life? Also a favorite! One of the many things I love about great books is that they allow us, and our children, to experience emotions in the safety of a story. They help us understand the struggles of others and shape our character for the realities of life. This story is bittersweet and beautiful – a treasure in our library that has helped our kids see hope in hard things. Lots of humor in this sweet story as well.
—The Hedgehog’s Christmas Tree – If I had another company, I might resurrect out-of-print books, like this one! You can find it used on Amazon or Thrift Books, and it’s one of my very favorites from childhood. The story is simple and the smells and illustrations are magical.
—The Sweet Smell of Christmas – Okay, if I had another company it would be one that made scratch-and-sniff stickers. This is another book from my childhood that I can’t get enough of.
—The Mitten – A Jan Brett classic.
—The Spirit of Christmas: A Giving Tradition – Our younger two were quite inspired by this book, instantly wanting to find gifts for people who needed holiday cheer and love.
—Night Tree by Eve Bunting – This may be my very favorite holiday book. We’ve even contemplated putting our Christmas tree outside and decorating it with birdseed ornaments, dried orange slices, and other wild edibles inspired by this story.

Not exactly Christmas books, but we read them at Christmas:
—The Quiltmaker’s Gift – My all-time favorite about what matters most and generosity!
—Cinders: A Chicken Cinderella – Oh, friends, this Jan Brett book is masterful. A magical winter adaptation of Cinderella – with decadent chickens!

Holiday audio selections we love:
—A Christmas Carol, narrated by Hugh Grant
—Peter Rabbit: Christmas is Coming – a Christmas countdown with a lovely narrator

New for us this year:
I plan to gift these to the kids through the next few weeks. Have you read any of them?
—The Year of the Perfect Christmas Tree: An Appalachian Story
—An Orange for Frankie
—The Story Orchestra: The Nutcracker – We have The Story Orchestra: Vivaldi’s Four Seasons in One Day and love it.

On my Wish List:
—One Great Love: An Advent and Christmas Treasury of Readings, Poems, and Prayers
—A Poem for Every Night of the Year

A tip – set a recurring reminder to reserve new-to-you books at your library right before Thanksgiving. Our library has a huge collection, and they get checked out quickly at the end of November!

Okay, I’m dying to hear your favorites, too! Do tell…

The post Our Favorite Christmas Books: Classic and New appeared first on Lara Casey.

December Goals + How I’m Prepping for 2023

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, goodwill to men!
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Friends, it’s a bittersweet month. I knew it would be. I miss dad of course – he loved Christmas. He loved Handel’s “Messiah.” He loved just being together. December also holds treasured experiences I’ve known for over a quarter of my life with Cultivate. I miss the rhythms I’ve known for 10+ years: helping you prep for the new year ahead, end-of-year planning for Cultivate, our annual team holiday celebration, and all the interactions in between. In all of this, I miss the people most of all. I miss coming together to focus on what matters and looking ahead with hope—together. Nothing quite feels right as we turn the corner to December. I’ve been repeating to myself what we’ve long talked about together: sometimes we have to say no to great things to do what’s best in the big picture. And here I am. Missing it all.

Dad in his famous Christmas antlers.

You’re probably thinking, “Lara, I don’t understand. You chose this new season with Cutivate.” Well, I did and I didn’t. I said yes to what God asked me to do and that also meant taking a leap of faith, not knowing exactly what was ahead. Add my dad’s passing into the mix and I’m on terra incognita. I am so grateful for this new season and yet I often feel, as a friend shared with me the other day, like an eaglet.

An excerpt from Invitation to Love: The Way of Christian Contemplation by Thomas Keating:

“In the book of Deuteronomy, Moses compares God’s training of his people to an eagle training an eaglet to fly. In ancient times it was believed that eaglets learned to fly by being pushed out of the nest, which was usually perched on the edge of a cliff. This is a marvelous image of what we feel is happening to us. God seems to push us into something that we feel totally incapable of doing. We wonder if he still loves us. Or again, he pushes us out of whatever nest we are in. Like the eaglet desperately flapping its wings, we seem to be heading straight for the abyss. But like the mother eagle, God swoops down and catches us just before we hit the rocks. This happens again and again until the eaglet learns to fly. After we have been treated in this fashion a number of times, we too may realize that it is not as dangerous as we first believed. We learn to trust God beyond our psychological experiences.”

Hawks, ospreys, and eagles captivate me. I see one flying over our house and it’s as if the world pauses for a moment as I gaze in wonder. They are free, strong, and live with purpose. They are also carried and created to rely on God’s provision. I’m right there in reliance, surrendering the comfort of the beautiful nest we’ve formed together over many years. I’m learning to trust God in this new open air. I’m gaining strength with each push out of the nest – even though I feel like my weaknesses are being revealed more than my strength most days! I’m learning a new life balance and it feels wild and unknown at the moment. I have not figured it all out, but I have faith that God has.

All of this new ground has me craving time in my new PowerSheets more than ever. I’m planning an at-home PowerSheets retreat for a couple of hours this weekend while Ari takes the kids to various lessons. I plan to write about my goals here on my blog (which I am grateful to have – writing has been such a gift lately!). I look forward to hearing your reflections and goals for the new year too. Stay tuned.

Till then, a few highlights from November before we look ahead at this new month.

We hosted my mom and brother over Thanksgiving, took UTVs out into the wilderness of our friend’s land in Blowing Rock, and got to hike with family and friends. I was proud of my mom for hiking and ever-inspired by my brother for doing so as well. The three of us spent time talking about our grief and missing dad with every step forward. It was good to be together and we’ll host my mom here in North Carolina for Christmas as well. Also in November, Grace turned 11 with a Narnia-themed birthday party at the Honeysuckle Tea House. It was a gift to spend time celebrating with her sweet friends. We all loved her lemon strawberry cake from this wonderful local bakery.

Things I’m loving right now:

My friend Diana got me into the Minimal Mom videos. I love the one about the things they don’t buy anymore.

I’m itching to set up my Season by Season Planner this month in prep for the new year. They are almost sold out for the year, so go grab one while you can.

As mentioned, books! What I read or listened to in November (affiliate links are used throughout!):

Simplicity Parenting – It has taken me way too long to finish this one, mostly because the writing is repetitive. I am probably the last person on earth to read it, but it was worth a read. A favorite quote: “We can provide the kind of stability and security that they will internalize. A basecamp that doesn’t move. This archetypal base camp will be their own strength of character. Their own resiliency.”
Wild and Free Family – I loved The Call all the Wild and Free, and had high hopes for this book. It was valuable, although a little fluffy for my stage of life. It reads like a manifesto in portions, one I champion: “We must become wonder warriors!” I have been a fan of Ainsley’s work for a long time and also recommend the Wild and Free homeschool community.
Swiss Family Robinson – We are almost through the unabridged version with the kids. I recommend this book for ages seven and up. The kids keep asking for it every day! I’ve read reviews about people feeling like the language is a little hard for kids to understand, which I agree with. However, If the reader (me) uses intentional intonation and expression in reading harder texts, the kids tend to understand the meaning—or will stop me to ask because the new words sound interesting. In cases, though, where I’m tripping over the words myself, well-narrated audiobooks are a gift. This narrator’s proper tone juxtaposed with the Robinson family’s wild new life is especially entertaining.
The Power of Showing Up – It’s hard to pick a favorite between this book and the one I’ll share with you next as my top reads for the year. This book was excellent – practical, engaging, and uniquely insightful. The authors cover challenging ground, guiding you to reflect on your own attachment history. Ari and I listened to the audio together, and it changed our parenting. If you haven’t read No Drama Discipline or The Whole Brain Child, The Power of Showing Up summarizes many of the core principles.
The Whole and Healthy Family – Okay, friends! I loved this book. I’ve long-followed Jodi Mockabee’s homeschool journey and have learned from her wisdom over the years. Her faithfulness inspires me. In this, her first book, she takes a deep dive into a variety of topics—the range is wide! From teaching your kids about pornography (I had the talk with them thanks to her guidance and it was easier than I thought!) to natural remedies, generosity, and family fitness, I so enjoyed every page. This book goes down as the one that created the most practical change in our home, igniting a family food overhaul, switching to various non-toxic home products, and a new view on our family culture. It was such a wonderful and practical read. Thank you, Jodi!
Raising Emotionally Strong Boys – Ari and I just started this and are benefitting from it so far. More to come as we finish and implement what we learn.

Homeschool highlights:

We shift slightly to “Christmas School” in December with holiday hymn study and some of the best poetry ever written. I love the richness of this month of school. We are using the Cultivate Advent scripture cards for our morning scripture memory. They are beautiful to hang around our homeschool room as well. Another favorite: Letters from Afar. Whether you homeschool or not, and whether you are a kid or an adult, get thee a subscription to Letters from Afar. This would make an amazing stocking stuffer for anyone who loves travel. These monthly letters are expertly designed and written. We’ve been subscribers for several years and love them all! This is best enjoyed by ages 6 and up. Also, all Christmas books! I have a separate post with our favorites coming tomorrow.

December Goals:

We’re doing the holidays differently this year and already enjoying our more minimal decorations and advent reading. Another book I highly recommend owning for the holidays: Then Sings My Soul: Holiday Special Edition. We use Robert Morgan’s hymn books in school and love them all. This special edition includes songs for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. I bought a copy for each family in our church group as a holiday gift this year (spoiler alert for any of them reading this!).

What are you focusing on in December? I love hearing about your goals.

The post December Goals + How I’m Prepping for 2023 appeared first on Lara Casey.

Holiday Gifts + Our Christmas This Year

Grief is hard, friends! (I know, not your typical way to start a Gift Guide!) Well, it is. I don’t have lovely words to share about it, just what’s true: grief is hard and it hits me out of nowhere when I think I feel perfectly fine. But, as the song say, I get by with a little help from my friends. Many friends have sent meaningful gifts in this season, a few of which I shared in my last post. I have a few more favorites that came to mind for you as you prepare your holiday shopping lists.

First, it’s worth noting we are doing the holidays differently this year. I pulled out all the stops last year with decorations and even won our neighborhood’s holiday lights contest. I surprised even myself with this win! Our kids were elated and it was great fun.

I don’t have the energy for all the lights and set up this year, though. My friend Shunta sent me a surprise box in the mail last week: this mug that reads “Honoring the Season I’m In.” Yes. Yes, I am. I am trying every day, and failing a lot, but trying nonetheless.

This episode of my friend Emily’s podcast resonated with me so deeply, I listened to it twice. This year we’re getting a smaller tree than usual and I’m going out on a limb with a new way of decorating, inspired by a story from our Advent reading last year. We’re going to try adding one ornament a day through December until we’ve hung just our favorites. When you go through significant loss (this could just be me), it makes you question why you do everything and choose to be more intentional.

We loved the Advent reading/listening we did last year and I can’t wait to do it again. The Messiah was my dad’s favorite, so this feels extra meaningful. We’re keeping decorations minimal: mistletoe in the kitchen, stockings, and our front door wreath. My brain and heart need space to acknowledge this hole without Dad here and without the usual things I’ve done as the new year approaches with work. We’ll still read our favorite holiday books (I will share a list with you soon) and listen to music, but I’m not making ornaments or cookies. I’m not making gift baskets or taking our kids to all the holiday things. We’re not traveling and I’m not making many plans in general. We’re keeping this time open and focused on connection. Most of my holiday boxes will stay tucked in the attic for a future year.

For gifts, we’re doing things differently, too. The kids want to make a small gift for each member of the family. This took little convincing somehow after losing my dad. It just felt right. We saw how much stuff we had to sort through and how what mattered most remained: love and memories. It may not be what we do forever, but it felt right for right now and everyone is dreaming and crafting. Making art is therapy in itself, and I’m excited about this myself.

“Making” a gift could mean cooking, singing, writing, painting, or any number of creative avenues. Since none of my kids use the internet, I can tell you what I’m planning: a puppet theatre. Ari is going to write a little play for the puppets, which will be fun. As for the kids, Josh wants a wood-whittling kit to make something for Grace. He and Grace decided secretly this morning that they are going to put together a Lego set for Sarah from the various Legos we have, complete with an instruction book and a box with a picture of their imagined creation on the top. Sarah is making storybooks for her siblings and Grace wants to make Josh a sword. You get the idea. They are all at ages where this is a satisfying endeavor.

I’m still purchasing traditional stocking stuffers (I love from this cute Etsy shop!) for everyone and Ari and I have some experience gifts for the kids like theater tickets and lessons. For my list of friends and other family members, my entrepreneur friends have made gifting easy with pre-packaged boxes, wrapping included, or lovely packaging. Some of these favorites will be familiar from Cultivate or Southern Weddings’ roots. I hope this helps you find what you’re looking for and honor the season you’re in:

You already know how much I love Shunta’s mug. She’ll help you honor the season you’re in with all of her intentional tools and community, too.

I told you about my friend Maaden’s new shop, Love Goods Co. I ordered all of the kids’ tutors and teachers holiday gift boxes and loved splurging on these for them. It’s a joy to support my friends and these gift boxes are well-deserved. Best of all, they are already in beautiful packaging. I’ll add a holiday card and voila!

Val’s Prayer Journals have been a long-time favorite to make each season more prayerful. If you’re hunting for a meaningful gift to help make prayer more consistent, you’ve found what you’re looking for. I’ve known Val since the first Making Things Happen Conference in 2009 and have been blessed by her friendship and real-life prayer. She practices what she preaches.

Another friend of both of ours, Gretchen, prayed me through so much of my dad’s last days and passing. Her wisdom and care are reflected in everything she makes. Her book is a treasure as well in any season. Gretchen and I share a love for zinnias and I have to mention Erin’s seeds. They aren’t on sale yet for the season, but get on Erin’s newsletter so you know when they are!

Ruth has said these truths to me more than once and I need these reminders always. Her art, her heart, and her generous love for people shine in the beautiful products she creates. Don’t miss her holiday ornaments!

I went to the Cultivate pop-up shop last weekend and purchased two of these for friends. I also bought a few sets of PowerSheets on launch day for friends, our babysitter, and an extra copy for each of my kiddos as a keepsake, since this was the last full collection I got to create. They are beautiful and I am excited to start mine soon.

Matching with Emily one day

My former coworkers gifted me a meaningful and beautiful pair of shoes when Cultivate was acquired back in July. With this generous gift came a note I will cherish forever along with Isaiah 52:7. The maker of these shoes is also a former coworker and editor from Southern Weddings, Lisa Kirk. Lisa following her dreams has been so encouraging to see and made this gift all the more meaningful. Any pair would make a special group gift or splurge for someone.

Speaking of Cultivate friends, Kaylee just launched a new collection with another Cultivate friend, Mackenzie. I got two pairs of earrings for friends and can’t wait to gift them.

I mentioned my love for Persnickety in my last post and succeeded in finishing my stocking stuffer hunt thanks to a couple more Cultivate friends, Irene and Julie!

I’m thankful to know such creative and loving women who pour their hearts into all they do. I’m also thankful they help me love others well in the process with these beautiful gifts. I’m sure I’m forgetting some, but I’ll call this a win for my first gift guide.

I’m cheering you on as you honor the season you’re in—doing decorations, gifts, and traditions in whatever way is meaningful for you this year. I’ll keep you posted on how our crafting goes!

What are you gifting this year? How are you doing the holidays? I’d love to hear.

The post Holiday Gifts + Our Christmas This Year appeared first on Lara Casey.

November Goals

Our twilight month November is,
The evening of the year.
The brilliant summer noontide left
A pallor soft and clear.
Dame Winter brings with quiet grace
Her curtains all of snow,
And pins them deftly into place
With boughs of mistletoe.
– Ruby Archer

Hello, November. Hello, brilliant leaves. Hello, change. Hello, healing.

October was good for the soul: we finished our fall garden planting, took a trip to the state fair (the agriculture and livestock are our favorite parts!), watched the leaves turn, and had our first-ever camping trip with our church. It was awesome. Some of our crew decided to go sans-tent and slept under the stars. What great memories our kids made. I also completed a goal last month, finishing the Old Testament in Two Years reading plan I started with friends (and Ari!) in 2020. We choose a slow pace this time around and it was so good. We’ll continue with the New Testament in a Year plan on Thanksgiving together.

I always loved the talking flowers in the 1951 version of Alice in Wonderland. This dahlia I found on my grief retreat walk reminded me of Dad’s happy spirit. If it could talk, it would say, “Bye, bye, blues!”

I closed October with a much-needed grief retreat. It was one night away and just what I needed. I felt so burdened the last weeks. The weight of grief was often unexpected. I felt frustrated, angry, and unable to do the things I’ve always loved to do without getting overwhelmed. Seemingly simple things like cooking dinner each night became unusually difficult. Between work and my dad, I’ve experienced a lot of change in a short time. With a backlog of things unprocessed each day, I felt sensory overload in the kitchen, driving, at church, at soccer practice, and even out in the garden.

I’ve learned so much in this process and continue to. There are no magic answers to healing from loss and no set process. Everyone’s grief is different. For me, these three things have helped lately:

1. Setting the right expectations for myself. Simply put, setting them very low.
2. Asking for what I need.
3. Taking time away. Letting my grief have a more significant space than just the moments between homeschooling and chores was so helpful.

At the pumpkin patch circa 1981. Look at those great cars behind us!

Ari kept encouraging me to take a day away and I didn’t feel mentally ready at first. It takes strength to be still and acknowledge where you are and what you’ve lost. When you feel that strength depleted, as I did, there’s only one other way forward: faith. I had to trust God to carry me and take dedicated time to process what has happened. Other cultures know well how to honor grief and help people through it – I have been learning from this. I took one night away, just down the street at a local inn, and God provided such clarity and healing. I prayed, listened to God, wrote, cried, prayed some more, walked several miles through changing leaves and fields, journaled through a set of grief prompts from a hospice resource, read (I’ve been reading so many books lately), talked to God, talked to myself, and eventually talked with my therapist, Cathy, to finish my time. I brought pictures of my dad with me and a note he wrote me. I bought a new journal at a local shop specifically for this time. And I kept praying, “Lord, lead me. And help me follow wherever you want me to go.” It was hard work and it was needed.

Now, I’ve described to you much of what I did, but not what I experienced. Psalm 147:3 is sufficient: He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. God is faithful. Grief will continue, but it changes and I am changing with it. I am thankful to be learning so much. Time may not heal all wounds, but it does help us make space for us to reap the gifts of healing anew. As always, Psalm 90:12 has been at the forefront of my mind.

A favorite spot on my retreat walk with the ducks and a sweet couple happily feeding them.

Things I’m loving right now:

My friend Kimberly sent me a Memorialight. It’s so beautiful and extra meaningful. My dad was an eye doctor and used prisms every day to help people see. One of the few things I have from his office is a full set of ophthalmic prisms. I remember him keeping them in his pockets and letting me hold them up to the light to see rainbows. This beautiful crystal prism with multiple facets makes the light dance across the house. It’s so subtle and makes me stop, think of dad, and smile every time. I hung it right above my dad’s favorite chair in our living room.

Many friends have given me guidance for navigating the holidays. I.e. have a plan, expect it will be hard the first year, give space to your grief, and do something meaningful in honor of your dad, etc. Most of all though, take the pressure off. In continuing to set expectations well (lower than I think I need to!), my plan is to focus on our most meaningful holiday traditions and keep gifts as simple as possible. My former co-workers, Irene and Julie, started Persnickety Gifts and I am already a very happy customer! I love these women and getting to laugh and learn from them with their blog and newsletter. They are launching Done-For-You Stockings on November 10th. Thank you, friends. I will be first in line.

As mentioned, I have been a book lover as of late. What I’ve been reading and some thoughts on each are forthcoming. Till then, I am grateful to share one of the books I’ve read (and had the honor of writing the forward for!), Intentional Pursuit: Practical Rhythms to Activate Your Faith. My friend Stephanie Huxter has written a beautiful and practical guide for flourishing faith. It’s so so good. I am saving a copy for my children! It was a joy to write the forward as I’ve known Stephanie’s life and heart for the Lord for a very long time. I’ve seen what she shares in this book in action and experienced her gift of hospitality. Get your copy of this self-published gem here.

I have been collecting my thoughts for a post about several significant things I’ve learned in the death of my dad—things I want my children to hold onto in their own future grief and in helping others with loss. One of those things is the gift of being present with people in their loss. It doesn’t take much but I was surprised by what made a huge difference and what stayed with me. So many friends showed up for me in this season—in ways that have been extraordinary and sacred. One of those dear friends just launched Love Goods Co., and it’s 100% a reflection of her generous heart. I love all of the curated boxes and can’t wait to send these meaningful gifts to friends.

Poetry and good words. Always. We went on a little poetry spree at the library recently and found the most wonderful anthologies! Two of our favorite library finds: Julie Andrews’ Treasury for All Seasons and A Family of Poems. (Amazon affiliate links are used here for the books.)

November goals:

I brought my PowerSheets with me on my grief retreat and I’m so glad I captured my thoughts when they were fresh. When what matters is clear, it can be easier to know what to do about that clarity. Little by little steps add up.

What are you focusing on in November? I love hearing about your goals.

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October Goals

I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.
L. M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

The turning of each month gives us the chance to reflect and be renewed for what’s here and ahead. Last month was … I’m not sure I have the words. We buried my dad last month and I miss his positive spirit every day. There are many moments I have the instinct to call him, and then I remember. I look back at September and wonder how we did it: the first weeks of grief, arranging his funeral and all that entails, and doing our best to love each other well. The answer is we did it together.

We came home two days after dad’s funeral to start the new school year. Homeschool has been a gift in all of this. I’ve been refreshed by the books we’ve read aloud, and new discoveries in our learning – many of them mine! Most of all, though, I’ve been grateful just to have time together. Favorites from September: poetry (always), finishing the first two Narnia books (the audio with Kenneth Branagh is masterful), the history of the horse, and introducing the kids to an old familiar friend, Shakespeare, starting with Henry V.

I caught my breath at moments during the last weeks through the Jewish holidays, which I love. Ari and I spent Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah together at services. Rosh Hashanah, the new year, gave us a moment to exhale from all we’ve been through the last months and listen. There’s something about the call of the shofar, the ram’s horn that’s blown, that awakens us to what matters and our present reality. As the sound echoed through the room, I thought about dad and the whole of this year. I’ve learned so much in it all, and the most significant thing right now is the gift of grief acknowledged. It was particularly moving for us to stand with others who had recently lost loved ones as they sang the mourner’s prayer. A new year, for me, doesn’t mean I leave all of these hard things behind. It means I recognize them as a way forward—a gift of connection to the Lord and others. Blessed are those who mourn; through the loss, I feel that blessing, day by day, hour by hour.

Wildflowers from Grace in a moment I was missing Dad.

October started with helping to make warm pumpkin soup at church and planting our fall garden. They say that gardening is cheaper than therapy and you get tomatoes. I still appreciate therapy, and I’ve processed a whole lot through pulling weeds, getting my hands dirty, and taking leaps of faith to plant new things too. I found a multi-color kale mix at my favorite garden center called “Kaleabration.” How fun is that? In addition to the kale party, we put in collards, pansies, tulip bulbs for spring, and a couple of blue-point junipers in the front yard. The most thoughtful and generous Cultivate ladies also gave me a gift card to For Garden’s Sake to get a tree in honor of dad. I’m praying about what and where to plant this generous gift.

My PowerSheets goals for October are focused on this new season in front of me, all action steps from my 2022 goals. I’m eager to dig into the new 2023 PowerSheets, too. (Get yours here!) I am thinking I’ll start in a couple of weeks when I take a night away for a grief retreat Ari has encouraged me to take. I’m just going down the street, but I’m hoping this short time will give me dedicated space to reflect and pray. I wish you all a wonderful month filled with what matters most to you. A reminder for both of us: the small things are the big things that add up over time; no perfection required.

What are you focusing on this month? I’d love to hear.

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Cultivating What Matters: A New Season

Dear Friends, it is my joy to share that Cultivate What Matters was acquired by Daily Grace Enterprises in June. I am grateful for this new season for Cultivate and a new chapter alongside my family.

This was not an easy decision and is the culmination of years of discernment and prayer. I’ve known for many years that God wanted me with my family more, and I’ve done my best to balance that alongside leading a growing company. I love making beautiful and meaningful things. I love helping people cultivate what matters, and God has asked me to do that here with my family by hanging up my entrepreneurial hat—especially now. I’m grateful that this transition has already allowed me to honor my mother and father for the last few months and to be fully present by my dad’s side as he took his last breath. No expression of gratitude feels big enough to say thank you for the gift of time I’ve had with them and our children.

If you know my joy in the work God gave me to do with Cultivate, you know, alongside my gratitude for this new season, how difficult it has been to take this step of faith. It has taken years of prayer and counsel, pruning, learning, praying on my knees, and waiting on the Lord. Psalm 90:12, about numbering our days, has come to mind often as I’ve sought His wisdom. Saying yes to God’s plans often means letting go of our plans, and two words that mean more to me now than they ever did: having faith.

We all hold seeds: dreams, goals, prayers, words to write, meaningful things to make, love to give. There’s a moment, as a gardener, when you take a leap of faith. For a seed to grow, you must first release it from your hand to plant it. You faithfully place the seed in the nutrient-rich soil and trust the Lord to help it do what it was created to do.

Growing a company has never been my aim, although it’s happened despite my shortcomings and desire to stay small. Helping people live out what matters has been, and will always be, my heart. This is my life’s work—whether with Cultivate, our children, dear friends, neighbors, or my mom and brother in this new grief we’re walking through together.

If I could summarize the last 20 years as an entrepreneur in a couple of words, it’s daily grace. I’ve felt unequipped, desperate for God’s wisdom, and humbled at every turn. God has poured out His grace in allowing me to be a part of Cultivate and Southern Weddings. For this and the many memories, I am profoundly grateful. Most of all, though, I’m thankful for the people with whom I’ve shared this journey. One of the greatest honors of my life has been working alongside Team Cultivate and watching God change lives—mine included. I am not the same person I was when this journey began. In case you ever doubt, God’s grace is a real thing, and it changes everything. I do not deserve to have spent my days with such incredible women, but… grace. Thank you, Team Cultivate, for your love. I can confidently say I had the best team in the world. I consider my entrepreneurial journey to have finished on a high note because of the women I worked with and learned from each day.

You can likely see by now this is not my announcement. I can’t take credit for Cultivate or anything good we’ve grown; it’s the sum of the hearts that have tended to it over many years—yours included. We made something good together, friends, and I’m grateful to see it continue to grow from here.

I’ll still be here to cheer the team on and help where I can. I hope to be live sometime during launch week to say hello and look forward to doing something during PowerSheets Prep Week for 2023. Emily and I poured our hearts and souls into writing this year’s PowerSheets earlier this spring, and I can’t wait to use them myself in this new season.

Thank you, Kristin and Jeremy Schmucker, for your commitment to continuing the mission of Cultivate. Thank you for working hard to get these tools and truths into the hands of women who will hopefully find what we’ve found: a way to see what matters in the big picture and live it out, little by little—no perfection required. May the Lord bless you with His wisdom and joy in this torch (or garden trowel?) passing. I’m grateful for the story that led us here.

Thank you, Cultivate community, for sharing your lives with me over these years. I’ve connected personally with many of you and long felt honored to hear your stories through Cultivate and Southern Weddings. Living out what matters alongside you continues to be a gift. May all your paths be filled with flowers—and I hope our paths meet for an in-person hug soon.

Thank you to my husband, who tirelessly and faithfully endured the ups and downs of entrepreneurship alongside me over these years (with a few rap videos in between to encourage us!), especially this last year of experiencing this acquisition and transition. What a journey. Ari prayed for our team, community, and the path here for many years. Many of the Cultimates have as well.

Thank you to John Thomas, Brandon Kloess, John Armstrong, Rob and Beth Ayer, and all of our team’s gents, moms, dads, kiddos, aunts, mothers-in-law, grandparents, roommates, and friends who generously supported us and joined us in this work and in celebrating many milestones. You have been just as much a part of this journey as we have. One of my favorite memories over the years has been each team dinner, where we enjoyed our usual tradition: going around the table to share what we’re grateful for and looking forward to. I’ve savored these times together.

This change is bittersweet. There is so much good and I’m also at a loss for words in much of this—a time of double grief, many close friends have told me. The depth of sadness felt in this change is in direct proportion to the joy shared over many years. What a gift to have experienced all of this with so many incredible people. I often miss my time with the professionals who helped us do our best work for so many years—vendors who became friends as we worked hard for what matters each day: Stephanie, Rebecca, Jessica, and the team at Steadfast Bookkeeping; Stephanie at 100 Degrees; Gary and the team at CODRA; Allen, Garrett, and the Givingtons team; my C12 group that I was a part of since 2017 and who has cheered me on at every step; Sherpa Collaborative; Annette Stepanian; Catapult; Gina Zeidler, Traci and every photographer we’ve had the joy of creating with; every mail carrier(!) who has hand-delivered happy boxes to our customers and so many more.

To my close friends, many of whom are also faithful leaders of their own companies, you have buoyed my journey with prayer and generosity. You know who you are. I am cheering you on as you continue to make much of the Lord in the work He has entrusted you with.

I’m thankful for this blog and for many of you who have shared this space with me for the 15 years I’ve written it. Sharing my goals each month and my big-picture goals each year has been a joy. I hope to continue this and love hearing what you’re up to each month as we goal get ’em together.

And a special thank you to Emily Thomas and Marissa Kloess for trusting me to be their “boss” for 13 years and teaching me each day. I put “boss” in quotes because I never loved the word; I’ve genuinely worked alongside these women, learning from them and savoring the gift of their love and leadership. We’ve known each other through engagements, weddings, southern doin’s, Southern Living, eight babies, 11 years of PowerSheets, 10 beautiful annual launch parties, thousands of prayers said together, approximately 239 moves for Marissa, and all the life in between. I treasure our time making beautiful things for others with your wisdom and heart, EAT + MAK.

My cup overflows with gratitude. Thank you, all. This has been the journey of a lifetime.

So, now, what’s next?

You may wonder if Cultivate will change without me there. Likely. There’s so much good ahead and, as you can see, Cultivate has never been just me. It has been a reflection of my story, my garden, and God’s grace in my life, but I’m just one of the many reflections you see. It has never been one woman (except when it was just me and my cat making a magazine in my tiny apartment – that was a brief and hilarious season!). The women of Team Cultivate and the community are what has made it what it is. The truths we teach don’t exist because of a brand or a person; they exist because they’re true. They will exist long after all of us:

Good things grow little by little.
Small things are the big things. They add up.
Legacies grow from one small seed planted in faith.
And, among many, this truth: We can’t do it all and do it well, but we can choose to cultivate what matters each season.

Many people ask me, “What’s next for you?” My answer is two-fold: I’m living what’s next already, and I also don’t know. All I can think about is my dad right now. Making this announcement took every last bit of energy, but I’m grateful to share it with you now. I’m taking it one day at a time and trusting the Lord to lead me. I’m doing the work of grief while continuing to homeschool my kids, which I love. The hymn we’re studying this month is “He Leadeth Me.” I’ve felt led these last years, and God’s mercy has covered the many times I’ve tried to go my own way. I am grateful to be right here, trusting His lead.

I’m sure I forgot something in what I’ve shared, and I also trust I’ll have the energy to share more of this story in the months ahead. For now, know that your support and love mean the world.

My dad had a motto for life, and his own business of 50 years, from Galatians that I shared in his eulogy: ‘Do not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.’

Have faith, friends. Keep growing good things. Take steps of faith for what matters most. Know that your small steps add up over time—even with many missteps along the way. My dad’s life displayed this truth to me so clearly. The little things done in love over time were the big things in the end. They were the things we all remember most — the things we want to take with us to help cultivate our own lives: the little traditions, notes of encouragement, words of love, funny things done in joy, quiet kindnesses, and steps of faith taken. They matter. They add up to a legacy.

May the Lord bless you as you take leaps of faith as well—and may He give you joy as you cultivate what matters right where you are.

Photo by Gina Zeidler

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Dear Dad + September Goals

“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” – Winnie the Pooh

My dad went to be with the Lord on Sunday.

He made the journey to home hospice 11 days before his homecoming – 10 more days than we thought we’d have with him. He held on till right after his 87th birthday, where he was surrounded by family and friends and joy — just what he wanted. I’ve had treasured time with him the last months, singing with him in the hospital (all his favorite jazz and classic musicals, of course) and talking about seeing the Lord soon. God is faithful. Dad came to faith just a decade ago, at the age of 77. If you knew him, you know he was your biggest cheerleader. He believed in you and your dreams. Dad gave us vision to see what matters most and how to love people well.

It was a beautiful day in Gulf Breeze—a “perfect 10,” as dad would say. His breathing changed, and we knew his time was nearing. We spent a long time with him together, telling him how much we love him. Mom poured out love and devotion. Stephen cared for him just as he would have wanted. Dad settled for a bit, and I stayed so they could rest for a moment. I sang two of dad’s favorites – “This Little Light of Mine” by Sam Cooke and “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley – and God decided it would be me there for his last breath. I assured him that his faith was about to become sight. I’ve never walked someone home before, and to be there for my dad leaves me without words. I called Stephen in the other room. He came in just as dad went home.

And now life is different. When the gentlemen from the funeral home came, the hospice nurse held me and said, “This will be hard. One day, you’ll be able to come into this room without your heart aching, but not for a long while. It won’t go away. It will change, but it will always be there.” Those words were what I needed to hear. The degree of our sadness and grief is directly proportional to the amount of love we shared. We will always have that.

Dad finished every phone call and visit with me for the last decade with these words I now cherish: “Bye, bye, blues!” No more sadness or tears or pain—the blues are gone away, indeed, Dad. We love you and miss you terribly.

A favorite memory, picking dewberries with Dad on the beach to make jam.

Friends, thank you. I’ve been given comfort in this grief by the love of many friends. I’ve held tight to so many generous words. I’ve written them in my journal, read them many times over, repeated them to Ari as I’ve grieved, shared them with my mom and brother, and listened to messages from friends in the many times I have the urge to call dad and I remember. I’ve read cards slowly and with praise in my heart for the Lord. I’ve smelled flowers sent to us more deeply than before. They smell like love. Thank you, friends. Your words and kindness mean the world. They matter more than I can tell you—and they’ve taught me how to do the same for others in the future.

One of the many encouragements that has stayed close with me: Till you meet your dad in heaven again may you cherish every memory and pass the legacy to your children. We do not grieve as those with no hope.

Dear Dad, may I live with faith, love, and humility as you did. May my life be a reflection of the reality of God’s transforming grace as yours was. May my faith become sight, as yours has. I love you, Lala.

I’ve been writing what I’ve learned in this experience and will share that soon. Till then, here’s what’s on my Tending List for August, a reflection of this new time of life.

Friends, may this new month be filled with what matters most. Our little by little moments add up to a lifetime—and a legacy. No perfection required. What goals are you tending to in September?

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July Progress and August PowerSheets Goals

When August days are hot an’ dry,
When burning copper is the sky,
I’d rather fish than feast or fly
In airy realms serene and high.
– Paul Laurence Dunbar

I do love to fish and have to say this was fun, too! We’ve had our heads in the clouds lately, kicking off three weeks of sabbatical by parasailing with Grace. It was, indeed, serene. We saw dolphins from the sky and Grace loved every minute of it. From time with my parents in Florida to an RV trip to Colonial Williamsburg this past weekend, this sabbatical has already been a time of renewed perspective—seeing things from a different view.

Here’s what’s on my Tending List for August—all action steps from my 2022 Goals.

What goals are you tending to in August? I’d love to hear!

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June Progress and July PowerSheets Goals

That beautiful season, the Summer!
Filled was the air with a dreamy and magical light;
And the landscape lay as if new created in all the freshness of childhood.
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I didn’t plant these zinnias, friends! In fact, most of the seeds I planted this year decided not to grow. 90% of my zinnias this year are volunteers and they are glorious. God is good. No matter my shortcoming or poor seeding efforts, He always surprises me!

June was a big month. We traveled to see my parents in Florida, hiked in Tennessee, and marveled at the Lord’s plans. In July, we’re celebrating my dad’s retirement after over 50 years of helping people to see. My dad has always been a dear encouragement to me and I’m so proud of him. Also in July, a 2022 goal will be realized thanks to our wonderful team. I’m taking three weeks away from my desk for a sabbatical. As you know, I’ve been praying about this for several years. I am grateful to get to have this time to be revived anew. Here’s what’s on my Tending List for June above—all action steps from my 2022 Goals.

I love this month: the fireflies, picking blueberries, and tomatoes beginning to ripen! What goals are you tending to in July? I’d love to hear!

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