Kyell Gold's Blog, page 23

Coming Out, Then and Now (and Later!)

Take five minutes today and listen to a couple gay Ellens talk about their coming-out experiences. Ellen Page came out very recently; Ellen DeGeneres, of course, came out nearly twenty years ago.

Two things I took away from this clip: one, Page thanks DeGeneres for coming out when she did, which made it easier for everyone who came after her. Think about that for a moment, about the people in your life who came out before you and have made it easier, and about the people who will come after and be inspired by your example (if you’ve come out).

For me, it was a mixed bag. I came out to my friends before Ellen was out, and none of our friends was gay at the time. But I trusted them enough to know that they would be okay with it. And in my office at the time, my manager had come out to me, which made it easier for me to come out to her, later. (That story is kind of funny, actually: she and I were on an orientation trip together as the new people in the office, and she bought a souvenir for someone whose gender remained mysterious. Then she got roses in the office, and finally I felt comfortable enough to ask her about her partner, and she felt comfortable enough to tell me. Years later, in a new workplace, the roles were reversed with another of my managers, who noticed my evasive gender-hiding around Kit and figured it out.) So there were people who’d come out before me and had made me feel more confident about revealing that part of myself to them. And of course, the furry fandom was a huge part in my confidence about coming out. I was out to furries before I was out to anyone else I knew, and the casual acceptance of everyone’s sexuality was (and is) one of the extraordinary things about the fandom (cue plug for Keovi’s and my OJST comic .

Most of us don’t get a single coming-out moment, like the Ellens did and like Dev does in “Out of Position.” Most of us come out over and over again to different groups of people. I came out to my friends probably about a decade before coming out to my family, and then again to co-workers, other friends, other relatives.

And now, like Ellen Page, the position I’m in has allowed many many young people to open up to me about the struggles they’re having with their sexuality. Many of the letters are joyful to read, about people who have overcome their fears to have a better life; some of the letters are heart-rending, written by people who feel trapped in their life and just need someone to be that person who’s gone before. I try to respond to every one, because as Ellen says, it is a real privilege to be able to share these moments with people, and honestly it’s one I’d never expected to have. I just thought I was going to write a few sexy books and that the letters I’d get would mostly be detailing how often people had whacked off to them (I get those, too). But the stories I’ve written have led me to so many more, and I’m grateful to everyone who’s had the courage to write me for sharing their stories with me.

So yeah. If you’ve come out, then you’ve done a great thing for your friends and family and maybe future friends and family who will be a little more secure because you’re out. If you’re not out yet, then courage. Someday you’ll make it. And if you’re straight, I’m going to assume you’re an ally because hey, you’re reading this gay fox blog, so thank you for making your gay friends and family comfortable with who they are. You might not realize how immense of a gift that is, but I think Ellen (DeGeneres) says it best when she says, “We all have secrets.” Giving someone the confidence to share their secret with you is a wonderful gift, and it pays forward in ways you may never even know.

 

 

 

OOP Shipping

Some of my friends have told me about pairings they would like to see in the OOP universe that are not currently in the stories. And then occasionally I get one out of left field (you know who you are . So I’m curious: how many of you out there imagine character relationships that aren’t in the book, and what are they? It can be just a hot one-night stand, or two characters you think are perfect for each other…

Divisions Bonus Story

As longtime readers of this blog and my work will know, whenever I sell a thousand copies of a book in a year, I write a bonus story for that book and post it online for free. So far that has happened for only three books: Out of Position, Isolation Play, and now Divisions.

The story is from Lee’s father’s point of view and is called “Getting To Sleep.” You can read it on either FurAffinity or SoFurry.

It will be included in the hardcover version of “Uncovered,” coming this summer at AnthroCon and thereafter from Sofawolf online later in July, and also with the e-book of “Uncovered” whenever that is released.

As always, thank you guys for your fervent support of Dev and Lee! This story exists because you went out and bought the book, and I am so very grateful to have an audience and fans who are so passionate about the stories I’ve created.

Novel Progress

So I’m at that point in OOP#5 where the novel is boring and WHY AM I EVEN WRITING THIS and the good news is that at this point that is more a roadmark than a roadblock, kind of like passing the grim and fragrant stockyards of Harris Ranch on the way to or from SoCal. Yes, it’s depressing, but don’t give up hope.

(Although I did give up beef. But not because of Harris Ranch. But that did nothing to make me reconsider.)\

Anyway, that point has happened in just about every novel I’ve written, not counting “Uncovered” I guess because that was the second part of a ginormous novel and I was already past that point when I started writing what would become “Uncovered.” But seriously, when you reach that point, the most important thing is not to pull over to the side of the road and cry, but keep going. You’re making progress and you’ll be done soon.

Heads Down

This month is a lot of very heads-down writing on OOP#5, which is going along quite well, right around 60,000 words as you read this. I’m also working on the two cop stories you guys commissioned and expect to have the first one up soonish. Also working on Secret Project things and one unexpected story that will probably end up in a Firebirds-themed anthology sometime after OOP#5 comes out.

Also I am going to be taking Black Angel to a novel workshop in June, so I am preparing for that (one reason I want to get the OOP#5 draft done ASAP). But mostly I’m enjoying being home for an entire month and I’m writing my foxy tail off. So if I’m not super-responsive on e-mail or Twitter, that’s why. Amazingly, I get more writing done if I shut off everything else.

Food Stamps and Gay Marriage

Recently I watched the extremely entertaining and rage-inducing Daily Show response to the Fox News response to the Daily Show piece on Fox News’s obsession with people who are enjoying life on food stamps a little too much. Go watch the whole thing; it’s worth it. Short version: apparently it’s a terrible injustice against the world when people on food stamps use them to buy something nicer than bread and water (and also there’s this one guy who totally abuses the system), or who maybe use the rules to get the maximum number of food stamps available. (But, Stewart goes on to show, when corporations use the rules of income tax to avoid paying any, that’s just good business–we would all do that.)

Anyway, I thought about that and why people are so angry that these poor people on food stamps are, one, trying to survive the best they can, and two, maybe trying to make their lives a little less grim. And it reminded me a bit of the opposition to gay marriage. One of the big cries, you will remember, was that gay marriage would ruin straight marriage, which was incomprehensible to those of us who have no intention of stealing already-married straight spouses to gay marry. I think it’s related, though.

We have this sort of entitlement complex that in its simplest form manifests as getting angry when someone cuts in front of us in line. A line is a very simple system: those who have been waiting the longest get in next. But when someone cuts in line, they’re not playing by the rules. They’ll get in ahead of someone who waited longer, and that’s not fair(*).

*You know, unless they had a friend saving a spot for them, in which case it’s maybe okay, as long as it’s not like one person letting in six more.

Similarly, a lot of the Fox News demographic sees their lifestyle as tied to their worth as a person. They have jobs, they work hard, they get to buy lobster. Seeing some unemployed person who has to get food stamps to survive standing with them in the lobster line makes their lobster feel less valuable. Hey, if you can get lobster by just telling the government you’re poor, why am I busting my ass every day at this job? Similarly, because certain straight (or straight-acting, let’s be honest) people feel that they are more virtuous than gay people because they’re following God’s word (or, in some cases, denying their own same-sex attractions), and marriage is one of the rewards they get for that. So what use is it being a good person if these gay people can just go ahead and get married too? It’s also, incidentally, why people resent rich people who were born into their money. I work every day just to scrape by and this guy never did a day’s work in his life.

Here’s the thing: outside of the tiny, ephemeral closed system of a line, you can’t base your opinion of yourself and your lifestyle on what other people do. Trying to compare dinner menus or marriage licenses outside of the context of a person’s life is pointless. Sure, you can find examples of gay (and straight) people who should definitely not be married. You can find examples of poor (and rich) people who exploit government largesse. But you know what? Those people aren’t your problem. You are your problem. And for every person who abuses a system or institution, there are dozens, maybe hundreds, who are trying to live as best they can. So don’t think you know who someone is because of what they’re buying with their food stamps. Don’t let someone else’s enjoyment of life affect your own. You work hard for what you do, or you don’t. You’re happy with who you are, or you’re not. Work on that. Enjoy your life.

I have a quotation on my desk, or, more accurately, a paraphrased quotation from William Faulkner. It’s about writing but can also apply to so many other things: “Don’t bother being better than others. Be better than yourself.”

Except for people who cut in line. Be better than those people, because they’re assholes.

 

Another First

Derrick Gordon, a guard at the University of Massachusetts, came out today as the first openly gay basketball player in college’s Division I (that’s the best division). Read the article and look at the picture and try not to get a little choked up.

The story is becoming familiar: athlete comes out to supportive coach and team, then to the world. It’s not surprising that the young are leading the way on this one: they are way more happy with who they are, more likely to question “the way it’s always been done.” They will go into the professional leagues with their future teammates and coaches knowing who they are, with no questions about them and, as Gordon says on Instagram, “No more HIDING!!!”

Go look at that smile again. It made my day.

Waterways e-book updated

[EDIT: Waterways and Giles are both live on Google now.]

I fixed the ellipses issue and then stared at the ugly straight quotes all through the book and thought “I can fix that maybe.” So I spent hours last night changing the straight quotes to curly all through both Kindle and epub versions and also found a couple places where the paragraph breaks were STILL wonky and the table of contents wasn’t consistent (“Aquifers” and “STREAMS”) and then had to fix all the SINGLE quotes which is harder than the double quotes (because you have to fix not only “I’m” but also ” ’til” and “words ‘quoted’ inside double quotes).

ANYWAY it is on Kindle now and also on NOOK and maybe on Google–I uploaded it there but who knows when they’ll replace it. It is NOT on Kobo because they would not upload the file (?) and it is not on iTunes because (as previously Tweeted) iTunes broke their latest release of Producer so badly that it will not even let me start posting anything before it just hangs. Good if you like the rainbow spinning wheel; bad if you like accomplishing things.

Maybe I’ll put it on Smashwords too, if they allow me to upload ePubs now.

Oh, and “The Mysterious Affair of Giles” is up on all those sites except (of course) iTunes now. If you’ve liked it and feel like telling people about it, reviews are very helpful.

Brief Thoughts on Mozilla CEO

Brendan Eich resigned yesterday as CEO of Mozilla, mostly due to a $1,000 donation he made to support Prop 8 (that’s the anti-gay marriage prop from 2008, for those of you new to the blog).

On Tuesday I’d written a long post with my thoughts on his appointment. My initial reaction on Twitter was that the backlash against him was a bit overblown; I deleted those tweets while I read more reactions and tried to put together a longer, more thoughtful post.

And now that’s irrelevant. But here’s the bit that I think still matters: “Me, I think people can change. I have no idea whether he regrets the donation on more than a political level…” I was all for giving him the benefit of the doubt; I don’t believe people should have to wear a scarlet ’8′ around for the rest of their lives because of a donation six years ago. But in this interview he gave on the 1st, he repeatedly refuses to address the issue and it’s clear that his stance hasn’t changed. How hard would it have been for him to say, “Six years ago I wasn’t as educated as I am now and my views are evolving thanks to the wonderful diverse workplace I now lead.”? How hard would it be for him to make some gesture of support to the gay community?

Apparently harder than resigning. He’s made a choice, and there are already right-wing screech machines out there crying about how this good man was forced to resign by the gay political correctness police (or the “Obama IRS”–never mind that this donation was actually publicized two years ago and was made public five years ago by California law). But Eich had ample opportunity to discuss his views once it was clear that they were important to the community, and he kept hiding behind the shield of privacy. Read that Guardian interview, and the picture you get is not of someone who might have changed his mind, but someone who insists that everyone else is wrong about his beliefs being irrelevant.

Here’s the thing: I do believe that in most cases, your political beliefs and personal political actions should be irrelevant to your job. But there was a very real worry raised in this case that his stewardship would threaten Mozilla’s culture of inclusiveness, and when your personal beliefs conflict so strongly and visibly with the company you’re leading, you need to address it. You can’t just hide behind “it’s a personal matter.”

I wish he’d been able to make some sort of gesture. I’m actually kind of sad that he resigned, because all that’s doing is polarizing sides again. I think the way to approach the anti-gay-marriage losers (they lost, at least in California) is by changing their minds through dialogue and showing them that their world can include gay marriage. It works in some cases.

But if they’re not open to that, then fuck ‘em. Good riddance.

The Mysterious Affair of Giles is on Amazon now

… in case you are interested in mysteries, or weasels, or rabbits, or murders. Or gay foxes. There might be one in this book.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JGAW9YK