P.T. Phronk's Blog, page 2

I Got Injected Where the Pigs Poop and It’s Filling Me With Hope for the Future

I got my second COVID vaccine yesterday, so this post might be a literal fever dream. Sorry.

It’s become almost cliché to say this, but do you ever snap back to reality and realize how weird things have become? Yesterday, I went to the place where London’s annual Western Fair is usually held. I passed the grounds where I’d normally be eating a deep-fried-bacon-wrapped-Snickers bar then letting rickety carnival rides spin me around until I barf it out. I entered the “agriplex,” where I’d normally be watching chicks hatching from eggs, smelling pig shit, and letting scorpions crawl on me at the bug exhibit.
Except now, there hasn’t been a fair in two years because a different sort of critter caused a deadly pandemic, which still makes gathering in large crowds a bad idea. No greasy foods, no rides, and the building that was previously full of chickens, pigs, and creepy-crawlies has been converted into a mass vaccination center.
In the exact place where I came face to face with the biggest horse I’d ever seen, a doctor injected a snippet of genetic material into my arm, where it will hijack my cells to create harmless replicas of the deadly virus, so that my other cells can recognize it and fight it if they ever come across the real thing. This is happening inside of me right now, and giving me a nasty headache, but it’s a good sort of hurt, like feeling pleasantly queasy after surviving a few flips through the air in a carnival ride. Totally worth it.
I hope the whirlwind of 2020 and 2021 will act as a vaccine for humanity. It seems to be happening slowly here in the middle of it, but I think history will show that 2-ish years is a pretty good pace for upending how we interact with each other and developing entirely new technology to inject into our arms and (hopefully) eliminate COVID as a worldwide threat. We learned that we are capable of fighting this one. Bigger threats are coming, as this summer’s extreme weather, floods, and wildfires are giving us a taste of, but with this vaccine swimming in my aching body, I have a bit more hope that humanity’s immune system will be able to face them.


This was originally posted on July 12 at Across the Board.

It's Hard to Make Art In a Messed-Up World

I originally posted this on Across the Board back in June, but it's Black History Month, and we're just getting over a second lockdown around here, so I thought I'd re-share it here.

I have a confession: I haven’t finished writing anything in months. During those same months, a pandemic has wreaked havoc across the globe, and marches to protect the lives of Black people have been met with inaction and/or police violence. It’s a bit of a mess out there.

But wait, wait, isn’t turmoil supposed to breed great art? So we should be in the middle of a perfect storm for creativity, right? There is so much to say, and we can say it with insightful art fuelled by the anxiety and dread that keeps every tortured artist going.

I remember when Bush Jr. became president of the U.S. in 2001, musicians explicitly said stuff like “at least there’s an upside, because great music is born out of rebellion.”

Yet I’ve gotten nothing done in the last few months. WTF.

I’m a brain scientist in my day job, so I usually seek answers in science first. A quick review of the literature shows that, actually, happy people tend to be the most creative. Depression, stress, and anxiety either have no effect, or actively harm creativity.

The tortured artist: fake news
More anecdotally, in hindsight we can see that Bush’s reign led to a lot of war and turmoil, but did musicians create their best work? Some of the top songs during the later part of his term:
Thnks fr th MmrsBuy U a DrankSexyBackThis is Why I’m HotCrank That (Soulja Boy)
All perfectly fine songs, but not exactly a Renaissance for rebellion music that will be remembered for centuries (for centuriiies (sorry, I actually really like Fall Out Boy)).
Even individual artists don’t create their best work when grieving for unique personal reasons, according to this study.
As anyone who has completed a creative pursuit knows, it takes a lot of hard work. Anything that distracts from that work isn't really helping—it's not like complicated, tumultuous emotions can just pop out of your head and take form as a profound work of art. Turmoil may inform art, or inspire art, but you still have to put fingers to keyboard, pick to guitar, brush to canvas, whatever, and it's difficult to do that when you're curled in a ball with tears in your eyes and a pain in your gut from stress-eating another tub of ice cream to briefly distract yourself from the day's latest round of Twitter-fueled fuckery.
Which is to say … we need to keep fighting. Worrying that your mom will die of a horrible respiratory disease won’t create the next Mona Lisa. Continued systemic racism won’t be responsible for the next Prince (after all, George Floyd was a musician). Let’s eradicate this virus and eradicate white supremacy, because there is no artistic upside to this shit.

2020 In Review

Well, that was a year.

As you may have heard, a deadly pandemic sort of ruined the world in 2020. Vaccines are starting to roll out, so it may be less than a year before this all seems like a hazy dream. I guess that makes it important for me to write down how this affected me, because this period is deeply weird right now, but may fade to a trivial “wow 2020 was kind of crazy” blip in my memory if I don't preserve it.

Personally, I was in a best-case scenario for a pandemic to hit. I already worked from home for a company that was well set up to thrive in a world where everyone stays home. Much of the time, I actually like staying home, and having excuses to avoid social situations. We adopted a perfect dog, Pepper, just before the great dog shortage of 2020, who has made my life so much better, and allowed the part of my heart reserved for furry best friends to open up again.

So, 2020 was, for me, strangely fine?

That’s not to say there was no suffering. Even those in a best-case scenario suffered. Meg briefly lost her job (twice) due to effects of the pandemic, which turned out to be more than okay, but the uncertainty sucked. More importantly, people I know lost family members directly to the virus, and I feel terrible for them, as well as angry at the monsters who still (still, after nearly a year of this) think it’s “just the flu,” or a tool of government control, or that wearing a mask for 15 minutes is too much discomfort to literally save someone’s fucking life. My grandma died this year. Her death wasn’t due to COVID-19, but the fact that she couldn’t have a proper funeral with her geographically-dispersed family was.

I don’t need / want constant parties or hugs from acquaintances, but a funeral would have been at least normal. I also miss just going to the coffee shop and getting a coffee and drinking that coffee there in the coffee shop. Maybe running into someone I know and chatting for a maximum of 5 minutes. That stuff is nice and I hope it comes back soon.

That was my life in 2020. Before I go on to my usual yearly review of music, movies, TV, and games, remember, I’ve started writing at the group blog Across the Board, so you can find more of my stuff there. It’s mostly focused on writing, even though I didn’t write much in 2020. I don’t know why, but it’s like a switch flipped as soon as lockdowns started, and I went into “just get through the day” mode. Since writing isn’t my primary source of income, it faded away, and free time got taken up by activities that take as little thought as possible, like movies and video games. Writing is fun for me, but it’s not an escape; in many ways, it’s the opposite—an intense dive into the struggles of what it means to be human. Maybe I couldn’t handle that in 2020. Maybe it wasn’t healthy to avoid it. But I got through each day.

MusicAs usual, this is just an uncurated list of the top 20 albums I listened to most, courtesy of Last.FM.
First, some honourable mentions for albums that came out late in the year or didn’t make it on the list for other reasons:Doves - The Universal WantJARV IS... - Beyond the PaleKiesza - CravePoppy - I DisagreeThe Dears - Lovers RockMetallica - S&M 2Miley Cyrus - Plastic Hearts
And the top 20:
20. BTS - Map of the Soul: 7
19. Phoebe Bridgers - Punisher
18. Pearl Jam - Gigaton
17. Cults - Host
16. Five Seconds of Summer - CALM
15. Taylor Swift - folklore
14. Thundercat - It Is What It Is
13. Glass Animals - Dreamland
12. Selena Gomez - Rare
11. Ellie Goulding - Brightest Blue
10. The Weeknd - After Hours
9. Dua Lipa - Future Nostalgia
8. Yves Tumor - Heaven to a Tortured Mind
7. Hayley Williams - Petals for Armor
6. Carly Rae Jensen - Dedicated Side B
5. Tame Impala - The Slow Rush (I've started taking baths and listening to music this year, which lends itself to deeper indie music that can be slowly pondered, like Tame Impala's reflections on the passage of time)
4. Lady Gaga - Chromatica (Not her best, but decent)

3. Ozzy Osbourne - Ordinary Man (This album gives off the vibes of a much less subtle Blackstar, and if this is indeed Ozzy’s last album, he went out on a high note)
2. In This Moment - Mother (They are always on this list; just can't get enough of this cheesy heavy shit)
1. Halsey - Manic (This is probably on top of the list because Halsey is on every radio station and playlist non-stop, but it is a good album too)


Television
I liked these shows:
The CircleCobra KaiConnectedDoom PatrolThe Haunting of Bly ManorHow To With John WilsonLocke and KeyLong Way UpLove is BlindThe MandalorianMoonbase 8Murder on Middle BeachOzarkPicardThe Queen's GambitSong ExploderTiger KingToo Hot to HandleThe Umbrella AcademyUploadYears and Years (I'm cheating because this didn't come out in 2020, but I loved this show a lot)
MoviesThese are the best movies I saw in 2019. They may not have come out in 2019, who cares. I'm just listing recent-ish movies I rated 4+ stars on Letterboxd, so go there for full reviews.1917American Murder: The Family Next DoorArcticThe Art of Self DefenceBlack BearBlood QuantumColor Out of SpaceCome to DaddyCrawlEscape RoomFeels Good ManGuns AkimboHail Satan?HostHubie HalloweenI'm Thinking of Ending ThingsIn FabricThe Invisible ManJokerJust Another ChristmasKnives OutThe LighthouseThe LodgeOne Cut of the DeadPalm SpringsParasiteThe Peanut Butter FalconTell Me Who I AmTreadUncut GemsUpgradeVivarium
GamesThis was an active year for video games, after barely playing any in 2019.
I got an Oculus Quest, which is an affordable standalone virtual reality system. That really renewed my interest in games, but also in doing things in 3D electronic form that would have previously been done in person, like going to the gym and socializing. 
I also got an Xbox Series X, which is a nice upgrade to the Xbox One. I don't know if I can go back to 30fps games now.
Here are the games I played and liked. Add me on Xbox Live or Nintendo or Oculus to play with me.
Xbox:Assassin's Creed Valhalla - After ignoring this series for years, I got really into this game. Like, playing it for over 100 hours into it.Watch Dogs: Legion - Everyone's talking about Cyberpunk as the unplayably glitchy sci-fi game of this year, but let's remember there's another buggy mess in Watch Dogs: Legion. I enjoy it, even if it's still hard to play with all the issues due to the rushed pandemic-time next gen..Borderlands 3A Plague Tale: InnocenceDead CellsCarrionOvercooked 2Alan Wake - Which is ancient now, but I've been playing it off and on for 10 years, and finally finished it.Overwatch - Still.
Nintendo Switch:Hades - Just got this yesterday for the Switch, and loving it so far.Animal Crossing: New Horizons - As usual with games like this, I played it every day for a few weeks, then suddenly stopped, with no interest in every playing again.
Oculus Quest and Mac:Supernatural - Not really a "game," but a workout app that's gotten me moving in virtual reality on the Oculus Quest.Population OnePistol WhipThe Walking Dead: Saints and Sinners The Jackbox Party Pack - Essential for Zoom hangouts with friends.
Okay, that's the year. I hope the next one is better, for me and for you and for everyone. Later.

A Book Cannot Be Murdered

Hi! I haven't blogged here much lately, but I have been writing over on a shared blog with some other writers. Check out Across the Board for some of my new stuff, mostly focused on writing. I'll also start gradually re-posting that stuff here whenever I get a chance, like this post.

This tweet made the rounds on Twitter earlier this year:

Many readers and writers were angry with the book murderer:

I have opinions on this debacle, as both a reader and as a writer.
First, as a reader, I can relate. I've never cut a book in half, but many of my longer books are worn to hell, mostly because I bought them used in the first place, then they spent a long time bouncing around in backpacks before I was done with them. Here are just a few of the books off my shelf from one of the masters of very long books:


Well-worn  is well-loved. It marks the passage of time spent with the books, sometimes over multiple decades, if read more than once. I can still remember finding a private corner of my high school to avoid people and wear out that particular copy of It.
I like signs of book assault from other people, too. I'm reading a used biology book right now, and there are seemingly random words underlined throughout. Like someone before me thought "ah, yes, zygote, good word, gotta get out my pencil and underline that one so I can bring it up at a party later." It's a nice little connection with a stranger, because someone else didn't consider book mutilation a crime.
Tearing books in half is on a whole other level, but I can relate with that too. Especially as an adult, I have limited time for reading, and it can be daunting to see a thick wad of pages past my bookmark. If dividing it into two parts can make it easier to get through, then fine, be a book murderer. Lately, I just gravitate toward shorter books, but maybe next time a long book seems worth it, I'll consider introducing it to my scissors.
What about as a writer? How would I feel if somebody took a blade to my hard-won collection of ideas, which I so carefully printed onto pages and wrapped in a lovingly designed cover?
Honestly … fine. As long as you're reading my books, I don't care how you're transferring those ideas from my brain to yours.
Treat them like precious artifacts if you want. But also cut them up, highlight your favourite passages, dog-ear your favourite pages, stick them on an e-reader, listen to them as an audiobook, borrow them from a library, lend them, steal them, slice them in half.
Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew.
A book is not the physical pages it's printed on—it's the ideas the pages only echo, and the cool thing about ideas is that they can never be murdered.

Why I���m Cutting Down on Artificial Sweeteners

I may have been wrong about artificial sweeteners. I���ve always been a big fan of them, because I love stuffing sweet things in my mouth, but also try to keep my daily calorie count somewhat reasonable.Sweeteners also have an ideological draw���I love artificial things. I���m typing this on an artificial iPad, powered by artificial electricity, basking in artificial heat, under an artificial roof. So when I see people react with hostility to anything that isn���t ���natural��� (whatever that even means), I push back. You think artificial sweeteners are poison because Splenda packets aren���t plucked from the ground like potatoes? Well, then I���m gonna put Splenda on everything! I���ll sprinkle it on beef I don���t even care. Take that, hippy!And in theory, my pettiness should be supported by science. If controlling weight is the goal, then all that matters is calories in and calories out, right? Sweeteners lead to fewer calories in, so they help control weight in a world where calories are frickin��� everywhere. That���s the theory.The thing is, the best theory in the world is worthless without data. More and more data are coming out about artificial sweeteners, and the results often differ from what theory would predict.


Most data aren't conclusive. When you look at the whole population, people who use artificial sweeteners tend to be overweight. That���s just a correlation���maybe bigger people are trying to lose weight with sweeteners. It���s not evidence that sweeteners don���t work, but it���s a lack of evidence that sweeteners do work.True experiments, in which people changed their intake of artificial sweeteners, would be more definitive if they showed an effect. Here���s a recent meta-analysis reviewing studies on artificial sweeteners, including randomized controlled trials. The researchers concluded:

Evidence from [randomized controlled trials] does not clearly support the intended benefits of nonnutritive sweeteners for weight management.

So again, not evidence that they cause weight increases, or poison you, or have any negative effects. But also not evidence that they do have their intended effect: weight loss.I���ve seen speculation and emerging research on why the theory doesn���t match up with the data. Some people think it���s a psychological thing���the classic ���I had a Diet Coke, so I can order two Baconators instead of one��� phenomenon. Some think it���s more biological, with sweeteners mixing up the critters in our guts so they suck at dealing with the calories we do consume.Whatever the case, there���s simply a lack of evidence that artificial sweeteners help with weight loss, or have any other positive effects. When it comes to translating research into actual behavior, here���s where I���ve come down, personally, for now:Artificial sweeteners won���t kill me, so I won���t avoid them. I���ll use up the packets and syrups that we have around the house.But there���s no evidence that they���ll help me, either. That puts them on the same scientific level as any other bullshit health intervention, like eating organic food, fad diets, or acupuncture. I wouldn���t do those things, so why continue slurping down Splenda?Therefore, I���ll reduce my intake of artificial sweeteners. I���ll use sugar when I need it, or better yet, just have fewer sweeter things overall. If I have the will power for that, it���ll almost certainly lead to fewer calories in, with no mysterious counteracting force.That���s where I currently stand, but I���m a scientist, so I���ll keep updating my opinions and behaviour as new evidence comes out.For now, I���m cutting down on artificial sweeteners.

This was originally posted on Medium.com, where I sometimes post serious stuff.

Why I’m Cutting Down on Artificial Sweeteners

I may have been wrong about artificial sweeteners. I’ve always been a big fan of them, because I love stuffing sweet things in my mouth, but also try to keep my daily calorie count somewhat reasonable.Sweeteners also have an ideological draw—I love artificial things. I’m typing this on an artificial iPad, powered by artificial electricity, basking in artificial heat, under an artificial roof. So when I see people react with hostility to anything that isn’t “natural” (whatever that even means), I push back. You think artificial sweeteners are poison because Splenda packets aren’t plucked from the ground like potatoes? Well, then I’m gonna put Splenda on everything! I’ll sprinkle it on beef I don’t even care. Take that, hippy!And in theory, my pettiness should be supported by science. If controlling weight is the goal, then all that matters is calories in and calories out, right? Sweeteners lead to fewer calories in, so they help control weight in a world where calories are frickin’ everywhere. That’s the theory.The thing is, the best theory in the world is worthless without data. More and more data are coming out about artificial sweeteners, and the results often differ from what theory would predict.


Most data aren't conclusive. When you look at the whole population, people who use artificial sweeteners tend to be overweight. That’s just a correlation—maybe bigger people are trying to lose weight with sweeteners. It’s not evidence that sweeteners don’t work, but it’s a lack of evidence that sweeteners do work.True experiments, in which people changed their intake of artificial sweeteners, would be more definitive if they showed an effect. Here’s a recent meta-analysis reviewing studies on artificial sweeteners, including randomized controlled trials. The researchers concluded:

Evidence from [randomized controlled trials] does not clearly support the intended benefits of nonnutritive sweeteners for weight management.

So again, not evidence that they cause weight increases, or poison you, or have any negative effects. But also not evidence that they do have their intended effect: weight loss.I’ve seen speculation and emerging research on why the theory doesn’t match up with the data. Some people think it’s a psychological thing—the classic “I had a Diet Coke, so I can order two Baconators instead of one” phenomenon. Some think it’s more biological, with sweeteners mixing up the critters in our guts so they suck at dealing with the calories we do consume.Whatever the case, there’s simply a lack of evidence that artificial sweeteners help with weight loss, or have any other positive effects. When it comes to translating research into actual behavior, here’s where I’ve come down, personally, for now:Artificial sweeteners won’t kill me, so I won’t avoid them. I’ll use up the packets and syrups that we have around the house.But there’s no evidence that they’ll help me, either. That puts them on the same scientific level as any other bullshit health intervention, like eating organic food, fad diets, or acupuncture. I wouldn’t do those things, so why continue slurping down Splenda?Therefore, I’ll reduce my intake of artificial sweeteners. I’ll use sugar when I need it, or better yet, just have fewer sweeter things overall. If I have the will power for that, it’ll almost certainly lead to fewer calories in, with no mysterious counteracting force.That’s where I currently stand, but I’m a scientist, so I’ll keep updating my opinions and behaviour as new evidence comes out.For now, I’m cutting down on artificial sweeteners.

This was originally posted on Medium.com, where I sometimes post serious stuff.

2019 In Review

Another year, another complete failure to blog.

That's not entirely true. I occasionally write over on Medium, and have good intentions to copy the posts over here to my main blog sometime, but then forget. My micro-press Forest City Pulp also gets occasional updates. Oh and I've started writing at the group blog Across the Board, where a bunch of other writers write.

But this is my personal blog, so let's get personal. This year was fine for me. The political and environmental turmoil in the world only highlights how incredibly lucky I am to have had a year to hold stead and stay comfortable.

Not that I accomplished nothing. Early in the year, I released Three Incidents at Foster Manor, which has been my most successful novel yet. I'm hoping to put something out in early 2020, but, you know, having a day job takes up a lot of time. That's been going well too though, and the company I've been doing brain science for is almost growing beyond the "startup" label. Cool. Cool cool.

My personal highlight of the year was our trip to Calgary and the Pacific Northwest, visiting real friends and also Bigfoot.







Oh, and I got a nice bike! I've become one of those bike guys, semi-obsessed with getting around on two wheels and giving cars the stink-eye. It does feel so much better to go places on a bike though, both because it makes me healthier and because it's just fun. More bike lanes in London please thanks bye.



Anyway, this is the time of year when I review all the stuff I liked in 2019. Here's what I spent my time and money on; maybe you'll find some stuff you missed, but probably not (I'm pretty much a normie).

Music
As usual, this is just an uncurated list of the top 20 albums I listened to most, courtesy of Last.FM.

20. Deerhunter - Why Hasn't Everything Already Disappeared?
19. Silversun Pickups - Widow's Weeds
18. Lana Del Rey - Norman Fucking Rockwell
17. Bring Me the Horizon - amo
16. Orville Peck - Pony

15. Hozier - Wasteland, Baby!
14. Cage the Elephant - Social Cues
13. Backstreet Boys - DNA
12. Taylor Swift - Lover
11. half•alive - Now, Not Yet

10. Tool - Fear Inoculum - I first listened to this on headphones riding the Amtrak between Seattle and Portland, and it was a transcendent experience.
9. The Black Keys - "Let's Rock" - I cannot resist a David Lynch reference.
8. Mitski - Be the Cowboy - Ok I'll be the cowboy sounds good.
7. Billie Eilish - WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? - William Eyelash.
6. Vampire Weekend - Father of the Bride - Did you know there was a character with a named pronounced like Phronk in the movie Father of the Bride? That's not where I got it though.

5. Alice Merton - MINT - As you may have noticed, albums by solo women were sort of my thing this year.
4. Ed Sheeran - No. 6 Collaborations Project - I listened to and tracked a lot of pop playlists on Spotify this year, and I suspect this album is only high on this list because each individual song was played endlessly on pop stations.
3. Flying Lotus - Flamagra - I don't actually remember much of this, but I guess I liked it? I think there is a track with David Lynch on this so maybe that's why it's here.
2. Puppy - The Goat - Sort of a metal Weezer, which I dig.
1. (Tie) Jade Bird - Jade Bird - omg I love her.
1. (Tie) Carly Rae Jepsen - Dedicated - If she comes out with an album, it's a safe bet it'll be high on this list.


Television
I liked these shows:
The BoysBroad CityChernobylCurb Your EnthusiasmThe Dark Crystal: Age of ResistanceDoom PatrolExplainedGame of ThronesI Think You Should LeaveThe MandalorianOur PlanetPerfumeRussian DollSchitt's CreekSilicon ValleyServantStranger ThingsSuccessionThe Umbrella AcademyUnnatural SelectionThe Walking DeadWatchmen
MoviesThese are the best movies I saw in 2019. They may not have come out in 2019, big whoop. I'm just listing the movies I rated 4+ stars on Letterboxd, so go there for full reviews.Avengers: EndgameEl CaminoExtremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and VileFree SoloHolidaysHorror NoireThe IrishmanJurassic World: Fallen KingdomLords of ChaosLove, Death and RobotsMarriage StoryMidsommarMom and DadPaddletonThe PerfectionSorry to Bother YouSpider-Man: Far From HomeStarfishStar Wars: The Rise of SkywalkerUnder the Silver LakeUsVenomWilding
GamesThese are the games I played and liked. Add me on Xbox Live or Nintendo to play with me. I couldn't get too into many new games this year. I think Xbox Game Pass has kinda ruined me—I usually try out a game for an hour or two, then, because I didn't pay extra for it, I don't feel the need to stick with it if I don't enjoy it enough to want to play it more than yet another game of Overwatch.
Baba Is YouDead CellsFallout 76The Outer WorldsOverwatchRing Fit AdventureVoid Bastards
That's it! That's the year! 

2018 in Review

Looks like time has chewed away another year from my life.

I had the typical "there were plenty of highs and lows" type of year. I find that at this age (late thirties), both the highs and lows are more profound. For example, people in my age cohort not only have children, but have children that are growing up into actual people. On the flip side, people around me are worn down by time or outright erased from existence with increasing vigour. I suppose those lows can make me appreciate the highs even more, in a way that could only be abstractly understood in earlier years.

More specific to 2018, I've continued to be lucky and privileged enough that the world's political turmoil has continued to avoid devastating my life directly. I do what I can to fight the creeping spread of anti-human powers, but aside from a plummeting retirement fund, I'm fine. For now.

Anyway. For anyone still paying attention, here's my yearly wrap-up of the stuff I enjoyed this year.

Music

As usual, this is just an uncurated list of the albums I listened to most, courtesy of Last.FM.

20. Slaves - Beautiful Death
19. Dear Rouge - Phases
18. Franz Ferdinand - Always Ascending
17. Sofi Tukker - Treehouse
16. Lucero - Among the Ghosts
15. Bebe Rexha - Expectations
14. The Glitch Mob - See Without Eyes
13. The Wombats - Beautiful People Will Ruin Your Life
12. Teenage Wrist - Chrome Neon Jesus
11. Moby - Everything Was Beautiful, and Nothing Hurt
10. Let's Eat Grandma - I'm All Ears
9. Rhye - Blood
8. CHVRCHES - Love is Dead
7. Bahamas - Earthtones
6. A Perfect Circle - Eat the Elephant
5. K.Flay - Every Where is Some Where (this came out in 2017, but I only discovered it in 2018, when it seemed to really take off)
4. Thirty Seconds to Mars - America
3. Years & Years - Palo Santo
2. Ghost - Prequelle
1. Janelle Monáe - Dirty Computer

TV

These are the shows I liked the most.

Black MirrorChannel ZeroDaredevilDarkDisenchantmentThe End of the Fucking WorldExplainedEvil GeniusThe Good PlaceThe Haunting of Hill HouseIron FistKim's ConvenienceThe Last Man on EarthManiacOzarkRiverdaleTrailer Park Boys
Movies

I spent most of my limited entertainment time on TV this year, so I missed a lot of the big movies. But here are the ones I did see and like. Connect with me on Letterboxd for more.
AnnihilationApostleBird BoxBlack PantherCamDeadpool 2The EndlessHereditaryHold the DarkInfinity WarThe Killing of a Sacred DeerMandyA Quiet PlaceRampageThe RitualSolo: A Star Wars StorySuper Dark TimesTerrifier
Games

A new category! I don't get to play video games as much as I'd like, but here's what I played this year. Connect with me on Xbox Live for more.

Forza Horizon 4Mad Max (an older game, but I just got to it this year, and it's totally underrated)No Man's SkyOverwatchRed Dead Redemption 2 (I'm totally blown away by the amount of stuff in this game. I've played for a few dozen hours and still haven't even finished the main story)Sea of ThievesState of Decay 2SubnauticaSuper Mario Odyssey Biggest disappointment award: Fallout 76. What an awful launch and an awful game. Hopefully it gets better with updates, but I'd rather be holding my breath to protect against actual radioactive clouds.WTF award: Fortnite. I get why people play it—it's a fun little tech demo of a game. But I don't get why people keep playing it. It's aggressively shallow, and if kids are growing up thinking this is what a game should be, I'm worried they'll miss out on all the deep, satisfying, artistic games that we've been working toward for the past few decades.
Books

I read really slow, so it's rare for me to read a book in the same year it came out. Here are my favourites that I read in 2018, but didn't necessarily come out in 2018. Connect with me on Goodreads for more.

Algorithms to Live By - Brian Christian & tom GriffithsThe Atrocities - Jeremy ShippBird Box - Josh MalermanDead Dog on Morningside - cal chayceThe Drive-In - Joe LansdaleEvery Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes - Carlton Mellick IIIWe Have Always Lived in the Castle - Shirley Jackson

It's over! See you next year, hopefully.

2017 in Review

2017 is generally regarded as a bad year, but for me, it was fine. Time moved on from last year's celebrity death apocalypse to threats of actual apocalypse, but personally, I managed to avoid any direct effects. I can't pretend that Canada is immune from the growing evil in the United States, yet it hasn't manifested in ruining my life in any significant ways. My first full year as a science writer has been good fun, and I somehow managed to get a novel out too. None of my close family or friends died. I'm healthy.

It's easy to focus on the negative things, especially when you're searching the whole world for them, but the fundamental things that make my life unique have all been good in 2017.

Here's a recap of stuff I liked this year. I'm not sure anyone cares, but I have an obsession with keeping track of things, because it's nice to think that everything I do matters. Something's gotta matter, right? Anyway, this list enables that craziness. Thanks for being an enabler. Thanks a lot. Maybe you'll find something new here that you end up liking.


Music I Liked in 2017

I get these stats from Last.fm, which keeps track of everything I listen to. One negative thing in 2017 is that I started using Apple Music, but it's difficult to integrate it with Last.fm, especially on mobile devices. Spotify integrates, but I ran into a ridiculous 10,000 song limit (even with a paid account), so it's unusable. Anyway, I managed to find workarounds, so this captures most of what I listened to.
20. Halsey - hopeless fountain kingdom
19. Queens of the Stone Age - Villains
18. Whitehorse - Panther in the Dollhouse
17. Gorillaz - Humanz
16. Beck - Colors
15. Ed Sheeran - ÷. His appearance on Game of Thrones could qualify for worst thing of the year, but this album is actually pretty good.

14. Ke$ha - Rainbow
13. Serena Ryder - Utopia
12. Spoon - Hot Thoughts
11. deadmau5 - stuff I used to do
10. Lana Del Rey - Lust for Life
9. Lights - Skin & Earth
8. Portugal. The Man - Woodstock
7. The Killers - Wonderful Wonderful. I used to love The Killers, then I got bored with them for a few albums, but this one caught my attention again.
6. Frank Carter & The Rattlesnakes - Modern Ruin
5. Nothing More - The Stories We Tell Ourselves.
4. Thundercat - Drunk. Nothing else sounds like this.
3. Nothing But Thieves - Broken Machines. They were #1 last year, and while this album took longer to grow on me, grow it did.
2. Lorde - Melodrama. Pop music was mostly a disappointment in 2017, but not this. Not Lorde. Lorde Lorde Lorde, I am Lorde.
1. In This Moment - Ritual. I still can't get enough of these guys, for whatever reason.

Pretty good list this year! If I'd consciously chosen a top 20, I'm not sure I would have done better.

Shows I Liked in 2017

Off the top of my head, in no order, here are the shows I've enjoyed recently:Twin PeaksThe Handmaid's TaleHalt & Catch FireStranger ThingsThe PunisherMaster of NoneGame of ThronesBlack MirrorTrailer Park BoysOzarkThe Walking DeadThe Expanse
Movies I Liked in 2017

TV is so good that I don't watch many movies any more. But, again with zero thought, here are the movies I did see that come to mind:Get OutBlade Runner 2049LoganItGuardians of the Galaxy 2The Devil's CandyBetter Watch OutI Don't Feel at Home in This World Any MoreThe Void
Books I Liked in 2017

These didn't necessarily come out in 2017, but I read them this year, so just ... just shut up and enjoy them. God.Greg Sestero & Tom Bissell - The Disaster Artist. Nothing is more inspiring to me than books about unusual people finding success in their own unusual ways.Cory Doctorow - Walkaway. I was lucky enough to be invited to an early look at this book, and wrote this blog post on Tor.com about it: Cory Doctorow's Walkaway and the Power of Small Ideas.Elizabeth Hand - Wylding HallStephen Graham Jones - MongrelsStephen Kozeniewski - The HematophagesJeff VanderMeer - Acceptance
Video Games I Liked in 2017ZeldaMarioUniversal PaperclipsOverwatchResident Evil 7
That's it. I haven't blogged much lately, since pretty much everything else I do in life involves writing that people pay for, but I'll at least see you at the end of 2018—as long as Nazis don't make blogging illegal, and/or blow up the world. 

A Deep Exploration of the Terrifying Stained Glass Windows at a Run-Down Children’s Museum

The London Regional Children’s Museum has seen better days, but I have fond memories of going there as a kid. A highlight is when a traveling Jim Henson exhibit was set up there, and I got to see the actual muppets from my favourite movie at the time (okay, still), Labyrinth.

There’s a story about how one of the animatronic muppets from Labyrinth, Hoggle, was later neglected, misplaced, and eventually found in an airline’s unclaimed baggage department looking like this:


I feel like the entire Children’s Museum has followed a similar path as Hoggle. The building has been sold, but remains open while the owners figure out what to do with it, and when I visited recently, many of the exhibits were missing pieces or otherwise marred by age. In the room educating kids about outer space, a mysterious purple drawer has a sign reading “What’s in here?” It evokes my sense of childhood wonder—if they bothered putting a sign up, it must be something exciting and/or educational! What will I learn today?! I hastily yank the drawer open, only to find … nothing. It’s completely empty.
Perhaps a lesson about how vast and barren the vacuum of space is? Who knows.
Nearby, a dead astronaut hangs from the ceiling.

A tribute to David Bowie? Unlikely.
But the oddest area is the music room. It’s a large room, but like the empty drawer, it’s mostly dead space. There is no furniture—just instruments scattered across the floor. Most of them are fully or partially destroyed. Drums have tears across their leathery membranes, so that banging the splintered drumsticks against them sounds no different than banging them against anything else. A wooden contraption makes clicking sounds when I shake it, but it’s not any instrument I’ve encountered in this reality. There are children here, unsupervised, eyes vacant as they try to wrestle music out of the wreckage. 
Where are their parents? Do they even have parents? Or have they always been here? Perhaps.
To distract myself from the racket, I look up, and this is what I see:


I recoil in fear from the kid in the middle, staring directly at me like I’ve interrupted … whatever he’s doing. But then I can’t tear my gaze from the stained glass window on the right. Can it be anything other than the wailing ghost of a dead child?
No. No. I’m a scientist, a man of reason—there must be some rational explanation for this. I turn to research for the cold comfort of knowledge, but unfortunately, there is nothing to put my mind at ease. It only gets stranger from here.

You Know, For Kids

The windows were created by Roy Edward Suhr, a local glazier, and installed in 1907 at Riverview Public School, which was later transformed into the Children’s Museum. (Source)
There were other windows, as well. Jack and Jill and The Big Bad Wolf lived at the school, but were removed for renovations, misplaced, then later found elsewhere. Sort of like Hoggle. Another one, The Pie Man, was used as the cover for a poetry book called Rat Jelly:


As has hopefully become clear, each window is based on an old nursery rhyme. The three still in the museum are Little Miss Muffet, Ride a Cockhorse to Banberry Cross, and Little Tommy Tucker.Wait, cockhorse?
And who’s Tommy Tucker? Apparently he’s the dead kid on the right. The nursery rhyme goes like this:

Little Tom Tucker

Sings for his supper.

What shall we give him?

White bread and butter.

How shall he cut it

Without a knife?

How will he be married

Without a wife?

So I guess he’s singing for his supper, not educating kids about the wailing of the damned. And he’s given bread without a knife … and prematurely considering marriage. For some reason.
I wasn’t aware of Tommy Tucker, but he is big in pop culture, according to his Wikipedia page.


Wait, squirrel?

Tommy Tucker (Squirrel)

This is the squirrel named after the dead child at the Children’s Museum:


He, too, has his own Wikipedia page, because he falls into the (presumably small) category of famous cross-dressing squirrels.
Tommy Tucker (squirrel) toured the United States in the 1940s, wearing women’s fashions, doing tricks, and selling war bonds. He’s described as unusually docile, but did occasionally bite people, which makes me concerned about how often squirrels usually bite people.
After World War II, Tommy settled down and married another squirrel named Buzzy. But unfortunately, Tommy died in 1949. Whoever wrote the Wikipedia article seems to suspect foul play, saying he ostensibly died of a heart attack due to old age, then pointing out that squirrels usually live for more than ten years in captivity. Was it murder? Did Buzzy do it? Or did the spirit of Tommy Tucker appear to him in the dead of night, this time not wailing for his bread, but for the soul of the squirrel who stole his name?
The squirrel’s body was stuffed and mounted. He was passed along, and ended up in the possession of an old woman, who died in 2005. She thought Tommy should be in a museum, and bequeathed him to the Smithsonian. (Source)
The Smithsonian didn’t want him.
Now he’s encased in plexiglass inside a cardboard box in the office of that old woman’s lawyer. The glass case is there because moths were starting to eat away at him.
It appears that Tommy, like the other windows in the museum, like the museum itself, followed the path of Hoggle. He lived his life, then when the world couldn’t use him any more, he was forgotten, passed from person to person, eaten by wriggling things and the passage of time.
There’s always hope, though. After the startling discovery of Hoggle’s mangled muppet corpse, he was purchased by the Unclaimed Baggage Center, a museum/store in a small city in Alabama, and restored to, well, something vaguely resembling his former glory:


Everything dies, nothing lasts, but if you’re lucky, you’ll end up stuffed, preserved behind glass, scaring children in a museum. I find an odd sort of comfort in that.

See also: A Deep Exploration of a Weird Doll From a Sketchy Second-Hand Store


This was originally posted on Medium: A Deep Exploration of the Terrifying Stained Glass Windows at a Run-Down Children's Museum. I've started posting a few things there before I put them here, because I like what Medium is doing—basically paying content creators directly when subscribers like what they do. It's a big improvement over the advertising-infected world of much of the rest of the web. Anyway, go follow me on Medium if you like that sort of thing.