Morag Barrett's Blog, page 3

You are Awesome!

In my book, I focus on the importance of cultivating winning relationships with others, but have you ever stopped to consider that the most important Ally relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself?
In my experience, personal and professional, being an Ally to ourselves, and reducing our self-sabotaging behavior is vital.  In Cultivate the Power of Winning Relationships you will learn about self-talk and what I refer to as the  the “trashtalk rollercoaster.”
It goes something like this:


This is AWESOME!


This is harder than I expected.


This is awful!


I am awful.


This is barely OK.


This is AWESOME.


The really scary thing? It can take nano-seconds to go from number 1 to number 4. It can take considerably longer to get from 4 to 6.
And most people STOP at number 4.
Order your copy of Cultivate and learn the strategies and tactics that ensure you are having an AWESOME ride in your career!

 

How to Say “No” Without Ruining Relationships

There are any number of reasons when you should say “no” to a client or coworker. However knowing you should say “no” and having the courage to do so are very different.
A little advance preparation ensures you are ready to say “no” when the time is right AND retain, if not strengthen, the relationship!
When saying no:


Listen to the request, don’t interrupt.


Be polite, be clear, be concise, don’t feel you have to offer an explanation each time.


Saying “no” does not make you a bad person. Don’t feel guilty!


When and how to say no:


An event you can’t (or don’t want to) attend: “I’m sorry I am not available / I have another commitment.” – if you are too busy then simply say so. Don’t feel obliged to explain, if you do, keep it short and simple. (Over-explaining can raise doubts about your sincerity)


Last minute requests: “I really want to ensure the project receives the care and attention needed.  I can’t do it this week, how about next week?”


Scope creep: “I’m sorry, my concern is that the quality will be impacted if we do x. What if we were to do y?” – explore alternatives


Put on the spot to estimate cost, project status, etc.: “Let me check and get back to you [insert time-frame]. I want to provide you with an informed answer.” Just because you are asked on the spot does not mean you have to reply on the spot, especially to casual or unexpected requests for information or commitments.


A request that isn’t your expertise: “Thank you for asking me, this is not something I specialize in. Have you considered using x?” Use this as an opportunity to strengthen your network by making referrals and recommendations


“Do you have a minute?”: This is the perennial Can I pick your brain? situation. “I have to finish this project in the next hour. Can you come by at 2pm?” Defer, if it’s important they will be back at a time when you can focus on their needs.


“Can we have coffee?”: for many business leaders the free consulting and never ending coffee meetings can distract from the things you should be doing. Try being direct “I am focused on a key project right now, are you interested in becoming a client or did you have a quick question?”


The most important tip in being able to say “no” is to contract for this at the beginning.
When you are starting the relationship or project, don’t be afraid to talk about how you will handle and raise concerns. Most relationships fail when we don’t articulate the rules of engagement. Take a few minutes to agree on how you will work together.
You may just find that saying “no” will strengthen the relationship!

 

Composting or Cultivating?

Five Ways Business Relationships Turn Sour
A winning workplace relationship doesn’t just “happen” by chance – and neither does an ineffective one. Relationships turn sour or breakdown when we:
Forget to be present
The most common frustration I hear about relationship-building involves multitasking. We are all guilty of it, checking email while we are on the phone, not actively listening during a conversation. These all send the clear message: “You are not important.”
If you want to avoid any possibility of this, switch off the computer screen, turn away from the distractions, or if necessary, signal the fact that you are in the middle of something and schedule time when you can focus. Email can wait, people can’t.
A short message along the lines of

“I can see this is important to you and want to ensure you have my full attention. Right now I have to finish this report / go to a meeting in 5 minutes / reply to this urgent customer email. Please can we meet at 2.00pm?”
This sends a powerful message of commitment to the relationship. Often, instead of taking the lead and signaling our needs, we allow the unexpected interruption, while continuing to think about the work at hand. Nobody wins.
Break commitments
Things will crop up and get in the way of genuine commitments, in which case, pick up the phone, or walk over to the desk, and let the parties know you need an extension, or are no longer able to assist. If you let your coworker down, you could spend months rebuilding trust, all for the lack of a quick conversation.
Fail to apologize, quickly and sincerely
You are going to make mistakes. When you do, step up quickly and apologize sincerely. Ignore the temptation to tell white lies or minimize the impact you’ve had on others. Mistakes can sometimes be an opportunity to turn a relationship around!
Selectively build relationships
If you are focused only on the ‘right’ connections, your style will come across as inauthentic. We’ve worked with many leaders who, when they analyze their 360° relationship map, discover their relationships are skewed in one direction (usually up) and are not representative across the organization. They put a lot of energy in cultivating relationships with those with the right title and seniority, but spend less attention on those elsewhere. Building an effective network requires a 360° perspective, within your industry – and outside of it!
Make conflict personal
Disagreements are to be expected, if not encouraged in a healthy team. Effective conflict increases candor and debate – highlighting potential risks and increasing understanding. When the conflict becomes personal, value is destroyed and learning stops.
Reality check
Not all relationships will start (or finish) as mutually positive (an “Ally” as I describe them in my book). In effecting change in your relationships you should expect the unexpected.
There will be times when things transform quickly; there will also be times that a relationship which seems to be making progress, suddenly takes a step backwards. It is at these times you will need to apply your relationship cultivation skills, and be resilient.
Stay in the game, and if necessary, change your game. There is so much at stake – for you and your team.

Entreprenuers: 6 Reasons We Need to Cultivate Relationships

1.       Business is personal. The quality of your workplace relationships determines the success of your company.
2.       As an entrepreneur myself, I’ve seen how the “care and feeding” of relationships produces real financial returns. In fact, there’s plenty of research that bears this out.
3.       It’s a small world – and an even smaller business world. Bad news about you and your company travels faster than good news. As has always been the case, the “who knows you” trumps “who you know.” In today’s hyper-connected world, this is even more pertinent!
4.       I’ve worked with entrepreneurs on four continents, seen amazing technologies and brilliant marketing plans. But the secret of success has been an awareness of relationship-building skills. Whether you lead a team of hundreds, or are a solo-preneur, you depend on others for success.
5.       Gut reactions to “people problems” are usually wrong. Modern business culture often fosters a me-first approach, and emotions can distort our view. We need to learn new skills to really hear what people are saying, and apply new skills in our own communications.
6.       Entrepreneurs often assume their intentions and communications are being understood clearly. In fact, the very things that makes them a visionary, often hinder the development of “people skills.” Goals and “rules of engagement” are often assumed to be understood – which causes many initiatives to fail.
(I also have real-world stories to highlight each of these – which you’ll read about in Cultivate! )

Don’t Forget the Four Questions

To cultivate winning relationships, and assess the health of our working relationships, we must ask ourselves these questions about each person we rely on for success:

Can I count on you?
Can I depend on you?
Do I care about you?
Do I trust you?

Lose sight of these questions about colleagues and the health of your working relationships will decline. And if you really want to start growing personally and professionally, imagine how others would answer those questions about YOU!

Recognize that not all relationships will start (or finish) well. There will be times when things transform quickly; there will also be times that a relationship suddenly takes a step backwards. It is at these times you will need to apply your relational cultivation skills (which I lay out in the book) and be resilient.

Stay in the game, keep asking yourself the four questions, and when necessary, change your game!

Avoiding Earthquakes in our Business Relationships

Have you ever felt blindsided by the actions of a co-worker?
In most cases, there were early warning signs – but we need to be tuned into them to avoid impending problems.
Actions or attitudes on our part can contribute to the negative situation.
As the saying goes – If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.

Cultivating winning relationships is all about being proactive – in your workplace and career!
The early warning signs that you may need to speak up, can include the following:

 

You are surprised by someone else’s action or inaction.


Your conscience is bugging you, and you know an apology or alternative action is necessary to come back from your own misstep.


You find yourself acting it out—drumming your fingers in frustration, rolling your eyes when certain individuals speak, approaching each interaction by taking an offensive position (fight) or defensive approach (flight).


You consistently complain to others about a colleague’s shortcomings rather than talk to the person directly.


Accountability for self and others disappears— “When they change then I will change.”


Assumptions are made about others’ intent or motives (usually negative assumptions). Blame and finger pointing is commonplace (rather than listening and constructive dialogue).


The focus becomes one of “winning at all costs” rather than finding a mutually acceptable solution.


Others are no longer being consulted in critical meetings or discussions.



Take a moment and consider the challenging business relationships you’re dealing with right now. Do you see any of the attitudes or behaviors in the list above?
Own them. You’ll avoid earthquakes, and start to see a path to move the relationship in a positive direction!

Foreword by Keith Ferrazzi

[Note from Morag: I’m honored to post this foreword, fresh from Keith – the author of bestsellers, Who’s Got Your Back and Never Eat Alone, and CEO of PocketCoach, Inc.]

 

I’m humbled to be asked to write this foreword. Cultivate: The Power of Winning Relationships by Morag Barrett is a comprehensive tour of the most powerful insights about business relationships. We’ve heard many of them before, if not all in one place, but with this unique and clear perspective on why it matters: “Managers spend between 70% and 90% of their time working with others…a wasted opportunity if it is not coupled with deliberate attention to developing relationships.”

Morag builds on the teachings of relationship mavens and on her own experience coaching teams to define what that deliberate attention should be.

A survey of that much relationship landscape—from emotional intelligence to a nicely articulated view of my own generosity, intimacy, candor, and accountability mindsets with abundance as the frame for mutual success—could be dizzying in lesser hands.

But Morag pulls it all together in a Relationship Ecosystem Model that helps the reader think about relationships in the context of both interpersonal skills and the broader dynamics of organizational culture.

The book gets very practical with Morag’s Speaking Up: Four Strategies, a model for framing conversations designed to transform relationships. The reader comes away with the necessary tools for diagnosing relationship issues and fixing them with specific conversational practices. The result, once you make those practices your habit? Greater success for both you and your organization.

Using Morag’s own terminology, some might think of us as Rivals, but we’re natural Allies. I look forward to a discussion about how, together, we might help people cultivate relationships using her best practices on the front lines of business to drive even more success than this new book surely will.

– Keith Ferrazzi

Author, Who’s Got Your Back and Never Eat Alone and CEO of PocketCoach, Inc.