Deirdre Riordan Hall's Blog, page 8

Anti-Bullying Everyday

Did you know...
One out of every four students (22%) report being bullied during the school year (National Center for Educational Statistics, 2015).
19.6% of high school students in the US report being bullied at school in the past year. 14.8% reported being bullied online (Center for Disease Control, 2014).
64 percent of children who were bullied did not report it; only 36 percent reported the bullying (Petrosina, Guckenburg, DeVoe, and Hanson, 2010).
More than half of bullying situations (57 percent) stop when a peer intervenes on behalf of the student being bullied (Hawkins, Pepler, and Craig, 2001). 
The reasons for being bullied reported most often by students were looks (55%), body shape (37%), and race (16%) (Davis and Nixon, 2010).
Stats sources here http://www.pacer.org/bullying/newsletter/

October is national anti-bullying month, a time to raise awareness and participate in programs for prevention. In this spirit, I gave a presentation at an all-girls high school in NYC talking about my novel SUGAR, using our voices, and how sometimes the loudest bullies are in our heads, telling us we're too much or not enough. 
Here, I wanted to share an excerpt from my talk: 
"...This brings me to another point that's integral to Sugar's story. It's a variation on the voice I've been talking about. I think so many times, myself included, there's another voice that can be louder than the soul-voice deep inside. The one I've been talking about is the unique, sparkling, brilliant inner-voice that truly belongs to you. Sometimes it's hard for us to really hear our own voice, to see all the great pieces of who we are because of what we've heard, what we've been told, or what we've digested and tell ourselves. This was Sugar's experience. Mama, Skunk, kids at school, and in the community drowned her voice in an incongruent message about food and self-image, by bullying, through belittling comments and laughter about her size. And when that happened, those voices GOT louder than her soul-deep voice. She internalized those other voices as her own. 
This has happened to me as well. Maybe some of you too.
Sometimes the cruelest, harshest, and most hurtful voice is that other-voice, creeping in when we catch our reflection in a shop window, when seated next to a friend whose thighs are smaller or larger, or when scrolling through our Instagram feed where there's just so much bronzed skin.
For a long time, there was a LOUD other-bully-voice in my ears."
If this is true for you, we can shift the internal voice of the bully. 
HOW? 
Close your eyes. 
Have a look around—inside. 
What do you see? What do you feel? 
Your goodness? Strength? Resilience? Fortitude? Compassion? 
Pick a positive quality.  
Are you a kindness ninja? Careful listener-unicorn? Friendly dragon? 
Keep that. 
Open your eyes. 
Those same traits that make you don't stop on the surface. 
Eyes open, this time have a look around? What do you see? What do you feel? Stay focused on you because if I've learned anything about this life it's that: 
Comparison is a trap.
Instead of the shoulds, the criticism, the body judgments and the booty judgements and the eyes, nose, mouth judgments—instead of focusing on all of the things that we think we don't like, what if we listed and told "that other voice—the bully that has the mic" things we do like about ourselves? 
Are your eyes stunning? Are your toes adorable? What about those dimples? That smile? Those strong hips? 

Fill in the blank: Today I am _______.
One day at a time, one body-positive compliment at a time, push back against the inner-bully. You shine on the inside so tell that bullying critic that you shine on the outside and what you're really made of...some pretty outstanding stuff!  

I encourage readers to to check out PACER http://www.pacer.org/bullying/newsletter/ and participate in the events in October and all year long. 

Book Promo 365 Release

Confetti image courtesy of The Confetti BarIt's my debut non-fiction book birthday! Hooray! Let's celebrate.

*Toots horn and showers the room with confetti!
Have a look at what it's about


Not only am I hoping you'll check BP365 out, learn how you can better target your audience and reach readers, I'm also giving away three prizes to three lucky winners to celebrate:
1. Paperback copy of Book Promo 365, including confetti.
2. Digital copy of Book Promo 365
3. An Amazon gift card for $5.00
All you have to do is follow enter using the Rafflecopter  below. Easy-peasy.
*Apologies, open to US residents only.a Rafflecopter giveawayWhen you give it a read, I'd love to know what worked for you. You can connect with me here or on social (use #BP365)If you know a writer or an author who might benefit from learning more about themselves as a promoter and how they can best get their work into the hands of readers, please share the following on Twitter and/or Facebook.
TWITTER: 

Check out the new release // Book Promotion 365: How to reach readers and share your work with the world by @deirdrespark #BP365 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY8WDENF... out the new release // Book Promotion 365: How to reach readers and share your work with the world by Deirdre Riordan Hall. You wrote a book, now what? There's no magic formula for success, but if you're ready to be your own promo fairy, consider this book your wand. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY8WDEN
Don't want to gamble on winning? One-click your digital copy now, for just .99¢Thank you!
Peace, love and promotion,  

Book Promo 365 Cover Reveal!

Here it is! The cover reveal for my debut non-fiction Book Promotion 365: How to reach readers and share your work with the world
You wrote and published a book, now what? How do you reach readers?

With so many books filling the digital marketplace and bookstore shelf space, it's often not quite enough to put forth our best work and launch, hoping we'll see our name on the bestseller list. More often than not, it falls to the author to take action and steadily build an audience. Your novels didn't write itself, nor will it land in the hands of readers without some effort. 

Book Promotion 365 is about making daily choices to build your dreams into reality. You'll dig down and identify whom you are as a writer, your goals, and create a plan to move forward as a self-published or traditionally published author of fiction in the digital age. The book promotion practices presented will also help you connect with readers and transform your writing life. 

You'll learn how to best serve your readership and promote your book with authenticity, make meaningful connections, and generously add value by forming new ways of thinking about promotion that will set you up to reach readers over time. There's no magic formula for success, but if you're ready to share your work with the world and be your own promo fairy, consider this book your wand.

It releases on Tuesday, October 11 for a limited time price of .99¢! •Preorder your copy for Kindle or print now!

Non-Fiction Announcement

   Readers, writers, friends! In case you haven't heard, I'm very, very excited to share the news that my debut non-fiction, BOOK PROMOTION 365: How to reach readers and share your work with the world comes out later this month!What's it about? Have a look at the blurb.You wrote and published a book, now what? How do you reach readers? With so many books filling the digital marketplace and bookstore shelf space, it's often not quite enough to put forth our best work and launch, hoping we'll see our name on the bestseller list. More often than not, it falls to the author to take action and steadily build an audience. Our novel didn't write itself, nor will it land in the hands of readers without some effort. Book Promotion 365 is about making daily choices to build your dreams into reality. You'll dig down and identify whom you are as a writer, your goals, and create a plan to move forward whether you write fiction, non-fiction, poetry, cookbooks, or another format entirely. The book promotion practices presented will also help you connect with readers and transform your writing life. You'll learn how to best serve your readership and promote your book with authenticity, make meaningful connections, and generously add value by forming new ways of thinking about promotion that will set you up to reach readers over time. There's no magic formula for success, but if you're ready to share your work with the world and be your own promo fairy, consider this book your wand.
Why did I write this book? If you know me at all, I'm passionate about planning. (Click the link to see what I did there. He he.) I like to map out my road ahead (leaving some flexibility for detours, of course). I've always valued a helping hand to guide me when I'm doing something new. I find it incredibly beneficial to ponder the answers to big life questions like, why am I doing this—whatever it may be. In the context of storytelling, the questions I come back to include, Why do I write? What story do I want to tell? How do I want to connect with readers? Why do I want to publish? I'm also a list maker. BP365 is essentially a long list—make no mistake, there are three-hundred-sixty-five tips in this book. After pursuing self-publishing and my experience in traditional publishing, I realized I was more or less figuring out what comes after the launch as I went along. Being a pioneer is great, but so many of us have multiple irons in the fire—including the desire to write more, so I figured it would be helpful to lay everything I learned out so other authors would have a reference for how to promote their work without the hassle of quite so much trial and error.One of the questions I ask myself regularly is how can I be of service to others? I thought long and hard about how I might be able to share what I learned with other authors like me. (Actually, I was in traffic—my top three brainstorming spots are: traffic, running, and the shower, in no particular order.) The obvious answer is to share what I've learned, tried, and had success with in a book, because duh, I'm a writer. I love books. End of equation. And if I know anything about our sort of book-lovin' folks, it's that we read, a lot. Tangent: I recently (finally!) read Stephen King's On Writing. (If you haven't picked it up, I strongly recommend—the latter half of the book is invaluable! (The first half gives the reader a glimpse into King's early life.) I found some of my writing practices affirmed, learned new approaches, and his wisdom gave me a lot to think about...anyway…) 

King posits that reading is a requirement for writers. It's part of the job description. This has three upsides as I see it. 1) Reading is fun! It's entertaining, instructive, and a nice way to relax and/or escape. 2) All those books we buy can potentially be used for tax deduction purposes—research! *Of course, check with your tax prep professional, because I'm not the person to give advice about those kinds of things, but still, cool, right? 3) Our writing can only be strengthened by studying what works, doesn't work, what appeals to us, what doesn't, what makes us laugh, cry, etc. In sum, writers—read! Okay, getting back to Book Promo 365. I combined all of the things I'd been thinking about related to promotion, targeting audiences, boosting sales, connecting with readers and distilled it into three-hundred-sixty-five practices for authors to try. Now, to some, that number may seem daunting. THREE HUNDRED-SIXTY-FIVE??? That's an entire year. Yup. Chances are it took you at least that long to get your story from the seed of an idea to print. As I say, your book didn't write itself; it's not going to promote itself. It's our job, as authors, to seek an audience and connect with them, especially those of us who're independent/self-published. But not to worry, you won't be spending an entire year knocking on doors, spamming everyone and their brother, sister, mother, father, cousin seven times removed to BUY YOUR BOOK! Nope. I have a no spam rule—canned or otherwise.  BP365 can be used in multiple ways—I'm all about making life as simple and as stress free as possible. The book promo practices I discuss require outreach, but there are many that involve turning inward, learning more about who you are as a writer so you can focus on how to best be a promoter for your work. You'll also pinpoint goals and create a map to get from here to there—using the tools in the book as your compass. Whether you try one new method of reaching readers per week, a handful, or go full-on three-sixty-five, I feel confident you'll find yourself with a clearer understanding of yourself, what it is to promote your work, and in new and wonderful relationships with the people who read your books.If you're an author with multiple books out, a writer brand new to the scene who's hoping to see their name on the spine of a bound book soon, or if you simply have one title listed on Amazon and feel like you're playing to an empty theater, I encourage you to check out BP365. And let me know if you do, after all, I want to connect with you too. 


You can preorder a Kindle copy now! 
The cover reveal is coming soon! Woo hoo!

What's On My Desk

Hej! As William Faulkner said, "Don't be a writer, be writing." To be writing all I need is my computer or at the very least a good spiral notebook and a pencil. While I make it a goal to get words down every day, there are a few items I find helpful to have on hand to keep me organized and because, well, they're fun. *Note the above photo was taken in my pre-Passion Planner days. However, the system is much the same.
The Passion Planner. This helps me stay on track with my day to day activities and the long term goals I want to achieve. Read all about staying #Goalden here.

My "office" is smack in the middle of the living room. A 10x10 carpet designates my official space and here's my desk, complete with ergonomic laptop stand. And yes, my lappy is ancient, but I love the old gal. 


Here are some of my books...just some of them. It's the untidiest of bookshelves. Sorry/not sorry. 

But the Emotion Thesaurus is a favorite! 


Okay, so this isn't an "office" item, but I keep the fridge stocked with San Pellegrino for when I need some fizz.

My writer friend Cheyanne Young got me hooked on awarding myself with a star when I meet my daily writing goals.

Speaking of sticky, fun tape for taping things and stuff.

Post-its! Enough said.

And colorful pens! I don't have a color-coding system or anything, but these colors pop in my Passion Planner. 

I keep my business cards handy. Yes, they double as bookmarks.

The BASKET! I have a large basket filled with writerly stuff: ARCs, author copies, bookmarks, tissues paper, and confetti! 


Writer fuel! Yes, they're from In-N-Out.
Do you write? What's on your desk? What are your writing essentials? Are you a reader? Are there things you like to surround yourself before you lose yourself in the pages? If you have any questions about the writing life or posts you'd like to see, please leave them in in the comments below.

PEARL Playlist

While music plays prominently in PEARL, after all the eponymous main character's mother is the singer-guitarist in the Shrapnels, I listened to tunes in heavy rotation in between writing and drafting. 

Mostly, I don't listen to music while I'm writing the first draft of a manuscript, but since my "office" is in the living room, sometimes I need a distraction. Usually, I'll play an album or listen to a live recording of a band I know well, one I could sing along to every song if I saw them in concert. I also play music loud in the car if I'm driving solo and fall into the groove of a scene, character, or sticky point I'm trying to work through. 
Here's but one playlist I made for PEARL. 

Did you make it through all 18 songs? I wish some of them had official videos or that the live versions were better, but yanno, I worked with what was available. 
Have you read PEARL? Any songs that I should add?

A few of my favorite things. Summer 2016.

Summer 2016 a few of my favorite things by deirdrespark featuring pink home decor

Is there a theme here? Pink much? I am thinking pink this summer with bows, polka dots, sprinkles, sunnies, rhinestones, ice cream, strawberries, and all the glossy, shiny, and super fun things! 

I used to be kinda anti-pink, but have fully embraced it now that, well, I don't know what the change could have been except that I'm no longer a card carrying member of the jaded brigade. My membership was revoked a while back. Dunno why? It may have been all of the glitter and confetti.

Summer is my fah-aye-fav-ah-rit. Seriously. So it wasn't hard to come up with more than a few items that I'd like to put see in brown paper packages and tie up with string—or on the beach. 

What summer style do you have going on? Please share below. 

Oh, and check out my previous summer post in this series here, but don't worry, if pink isn't your thing, you'll find plenty of nautical blues and whites.

On Self-Worth

Here are some of my thoughts on bullying and body image…and how we can rise above self-doubt, comparison, and learn to value ourselves and each other.
Sometimes the cruelest, harshest, and most hurtful voice is a quiet one, creeping in when we catch our reflection in a shop window, when seated next to a friend whose thighs are smaller/larger, or flipping through our Instagram feed where there's just so much bronzed skin to scroll past.
For a long time "the voice" was LOUD in my ears.
At times, it sounded like my parents:
"Fat head." "Stand up straighter.""Your hair is so oily."
I heard that I wasn't good enough, didn't measure up, and had to be better.
Other times it sounded like my friends:
"I wish I had thighs like that." "If only my nose were smaller.""What did you eat today?"
If they thought these things about themselves, then surely my thighs needed slimming, along with my nose, and possibly every other part of me.
It also sounded like celebrities on the TV screen, made up and decked out by a team of stylists. It morphed from an image in a magazine to a paper doll of what I should look like. It came on strong when in crowds of people, gatherings with friends, swimming pools, the beach, anywhere and everywhere (*Except, interestingly, I realize as I reread this, when I was/am reading fiction.) It fed me a constant message of inadequacies: too big, too little, too flat, too round, too bumpy, too smooth, not enough, too much, and on and on and on.
AHHHH.
Girls hear it. Boys hear it. Young and old, fat and thin, black and white, and everyone in between and along the seams.
Close your eyes. Listen.
Do you hear it? I hope you don't. But if there is a pernicious voice telling you that your arms are too skinny, that your ankles are too fat, that your hair isn't shiny enough, that you're too short, too tall, too freckled, your hair isn't straight enough…
Take a moment. Take a breath.
How do you feel? Crappy? Lousy? Inadequate?
Listen again; really hear it this time. Is the voice an octave too high or low? Are the -ing's are missing or are they there to begin with? Is it husky or shrill?
What you're hearing isn't your voice. It's a bully. A "perfection pusher." A liar and a thief, stealing moments away when you could be splashing in the pool, showing up at the party wearing that dress, enjoying a cupcake because it tastes good. When you could be thinking up the next big thing, writing your song, creating your dreams. It robs us of the truth of who we are.
We can blame the media and companies for perpetuating the model perfect body, for telling us we need longer lashes, fuller lips, and silkier hair. We can blame our parents, our friends, strangers on the street…
We can ask ourselves why. Why do I want to look like her with those wide eyes, the guy on the football team with the big pecs, or the girl who can get away with wearing anything?
We can hire therapists, doctors, a team of people to poke and prod and figure out why. Sometimes that's necessary. It has been for me. It might be for you and that's okay.
We can search for approval, seek likes, favorites, and followers. We can insult others. We can change ourselves: new clothes, less food, more exercise, self-tanner, extensions, make up. But the high is temporary. The voice comes back. More, more, more. Or as the case may be, less, less, less.
Over the years, I've listed the accused and the reasons I've struggled with food and my figure and how it's associated with my self-worth and how looking in the mirror is an exercise in deflecting criticism. I've listened to the voice; I've told it to shut up and told it where to go; I've ignored it. In my experience, it only mutes the voice temporarily. The bully came back. The messages kept coming, some days louder than others. I've written about my relationship to my body/self-worth publically and privately. I've dug deep and then deeper trying to understand why and what and where.
And one truth has emerged…
Comparison is a trap.
I'm me. I have thisbody. This brain, heart, lungs…skin, hair, fingers, chin, tummy…This brain that helps me create worlds on paper, this heart that is so full of love, these lungs that move me through every day. My skin that holds it all together, my hair that is, despite my attempts to make it otherwise, greasy, a chin that is sweetly round, and a tummy, well, that too. And if I took any of that away, even just one part of it, somehow I wouldn't look like me anymore, and worse, I wouldn't feellike me.
So what do we do?
Instead of the shoulds, the criticism, the body judgments and the booty judgements and the eyes, nose, mouth judgments—instead of focusing on all of the things that we think we don't like, what if we listed and told "the voice" what we do like?
Close your eyes. Pick one thing. I like my fingernails.
How did that feel?
Try again. I like my wrists.
Keep going. My elbows are pretty cool. I have nice eyes. My neck is lovely. My backside is a top-notch cushion, baby.
Try for one more. Maybe two. Do this again in an hour. Again, next time you hear the voice of comparison, the bully, the harsh critic. Tomorrow and the next day. Keep going. You can say the same things over and over. Then, if you're feeling brave, do it in the mirror. Look at that gorgeous, buxom, slender, athletic, brave reflection of yours. You can do it. You, my darling, are worth it. You're worth the effort to change the sound of that voice, one syllable,—that becomes a word that is strung into a sentence—one compliment at a time, until it's tuned to the same pitch of your own voice, reminding you that you are beautiful, just as you are.
And you might say, but my nose IS big. I AM fat. My arms ARE short. And I say to you, compared to who? Surely, not compared to you, the only measurement that matters, because you are imperfectly, perfectly you already, no changes necessary.
Why is this important? Because you were put here for reasons, big, small, and in-between, amazing reasons. You have a gift, a voice other than the sound of the bully. And that voice is meant to be heard. You may be meant to sing, or have fingers that were meant to sew, or a brain that can figure out something so mind boggling no one else can perceive it yet. Or you'll mend broken arms, or help other girls or boys who look in the mirror and see someone other than gorgeous, or write a book, a play, a song. You are unique, inside and out, and they are related, interconnected to how you see yourself—the big and intimate picture of you, and when we shortchange one, we spite the other.
The truth is, we deserve better than a bully. We've got this vessel, this body, our gifts, secret talents—whatever they are and whenever they emerge, now or in ten years—and it is up to each of us to be a super hero, whether we wear our capes in a quiet gray or boldly with sequins and streamers.
I hope there's a quiet whistling, a raucous applause whenever you walk into the room and not because you’ve whittled your waistline, or lifted your booty, or fit your form into someone else's mold. But that voice in your head, in your own unique tone, who isn't a bully, but a best friend.
I'm here to tell you that you're beautiful. As you are. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow. You're beautiful because you're you. There isn't anyone on the planet exactly like you, inside or out. So what if. What if instead of comparing, criticizing, and listening to the voice that tells us to—fill in the blank—we accept ourselves, where we are, now.
So what if?
A revolution, I suspect. Be the change, the revolutionary, because your self-worth matters.
Over to you. How do you practice self-love? How do you stop the body shaming? How can we, together, lift each other up? And thanks again, Jackie and everyone who's read this far. <3





 *Portions of this post originally appeared at No Bent Spines during Self-Worth Week.

Summer Reading 2016

Summer Reading 2016 by deirdrespark featuring a pin brooch

There are twelve weeks in the summer and I'm rationing two weeks per book, for a total of six. I wish I were a super accelerated reader, attempting a hundred books this year, but time is at a premium so these are my picks. 
I'm excited to lay on the beach and read, lounge in bed in the morning, the hammock in the afternoon, and lose myself in these stories. (But who am I kidding. I'll probably cram pages between running the kiddos here and there and everywhere.) 

Some of them are old classics that I read long ago, others new to me, and a couple I chose to conclude a series. I can't wait for the slower pace of these precious months to dive into fiction! 
What are you reading this summer? I'm open to reccos, so please share below!

Pearl on Pinterest

SourceLittle known fact number one: the original title for PEARL was Girl on the Edge. I've always used Pinterest as a tool to gather representations of the imagery I have in mind as I'm writing (e.g. SUGAR) and the early drafts of PEARL/G.O.T.E were no exception. 

For me, PEARL embodies a gritty, 90's kick-ass aesthetic, but cut with glitter and the kinds of sun-kissed flowers Frida Kahlo painted. 

There's an abundance of ripped denim, hair-dye, smoke, mirrors, and best friends causing trouble and making memories. 

Even with finger flipping and sass-talking recklessness, little known fact number two is this: PEARL is a story about not giving up. Never giving up.

Visually, it's the epitome of young, wild, and free. But there's also consequence and creativity and loss. It's real life and it sometimes presents us with ugliness and challenge, but it's also big and beautiful and worth every heart-stopping, gut-wrenching, soul-shining moment. 

This brings me to little known fact number three: Once published, a story also belongs to the reader. PEARL is about all these things and none of these things and the very personal and universal things the words invoke in you. 
PEARL Pinterest Board
But if you're curious, I invite you to check out my PEARL Pinterest board. Please share in the comments below how you envision the book, the characters, and scenes.