Brandon Graham's Blog, page 73

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Alejandra got new earrings today

Alejandra got new earrings today

Moving forward.

I’m aware that I have a pattern of getting upset and lashing out.

When I made the recent 5 page comic, it was an attempt to push people away and at least control the narrative. If I was going to be a villain it would at least be on my own terms.

I am aware this isn’t a healthy way to react, and is something I’m working on with a therapist. I have an amazing girlfriend who wants me to do better, so I wanted to write this with her.

It’s important that I be clear that nothing of what I said was an attempt to attack anyone’s race or gender. (The character Stanley, from 1994’s a Troll in Central park is in no way a depiction of a black person, but it was also a shitty thing to do.) I took it down after speaking to a peer about how I shouldn’t treat other people in such an aggressive way because of how i felt i was being treated. It was punching down and it was mean for the sake of being mean. I am sorry for how I expressed myself.

This is no way an attempt to redeem myself, ask for pity or paint myself as anything other than a flawed person who would ideally like to do better. 

The last few years have been rough in my personal life – to put it mildly – personal stuff followed by public professional failures that I was in no good position to handle with tact. These aren’t excuses, I just want to be honest about where my head has been at.

If I had to do it over again I would’ve directly reached out to the woman who had made the initial accusation against me. but I found it to be so insulting and dramatic that I didn’t feel like it left me with any middle ground to meet on.  I can say with certainty and self-awareness that I’m not a predator or a serial harasser, I’ve been with a few trans women over the years  but to call that a pattern of abuse that I’m lying about is overreaching as well as dismissive to the agency of the women I’ve seen. –

Regardless, I didn’t handle it well and would do things differently.  

When me and Alejandra talked about writing this a big part of it was in both of our frustration in how she has been depicted as an victim or a child.

I feel like anyone who has ever spoken to her would be well aware than neither are the case– she has been through so much in her life and has managed to grow from rough experiences into a stronger and better person, something that I admire in her and hope to learn from myself.

- Brandon

And Alejandra wanted to type somethings for herself:  

I asked Brandon to let me write something on here, I felt it was important and necessary after the conversation being opened by him in not the best way to leave it. Before I get painted as being used as a human shield, I wanna say that it was my suggestion that he write this and that I shared some of my thoughts. I’m not even trying to defend Brandon either, rather express things in this situation in a more positive and honest way. We had a serious conversation about the way he handled this recent situation, how upset it made me and how poor his judgement was. I gave my perspective on what I see as unresolved anger issues (not an excuse but a cause, I suppose). Brandon and I have been together for a year or so, and living together for almost a full year as well, I wasn’t around when he had past public tantrums (we had only started hanging out when the Chaykin cover situation happened), and not for nothing, but I’ve got a good head on my shoulders (it’s usually the place I like to keep it) and me being around has made him see things from different perspectives that he might’ve been blind to in the past. I guess what I’m trying to say is we’re working on it.

It was very important to me to make it clear that this isn’t trying to ~put fires out~ or fix anything or change peoples’ feelings or anything other than be honest. I want to change the default mode from reactive to proactive, at least introspectively. Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes, we need to learn from them.

I wanna address quickly how gross I find the messages I’ve gotten about this. I love Brandon dearly, and I’m by his side on everything, but I’m also my own human being and I don’t think I deserve to be attacked for things I’ve not done (but hey that’s just me).

I also wanted to talk about some things that have been bothering me about the way I’m included in this overall conversation. Firstly in relation to the original accusations that were made in regards to Brandon, a lot of the talk around it was using me as ammunition (and that’s even if I was being considered at all), which is not only insulting but also poor judgement as I am partly involved in the situation that sparked it. Secondly, I wanna reiterate that I am not a victim, I’ve seen a few people the past days mention my name in very condescending ways that are honestly hurtful and erasing my agency in my relationship. I am a very good judge of character, as I’ve had to learn to be and I don’t expect people who don’t know me to know my life but I’d consider it respectful to treat me like I know what I’m doing and what’s happening around me. I also got some messages asking me if he was “keeping me quiet” or “forcing me to stay with him”, I’m very upset about that. Lastly, age is something that’s been brought up ever since Brandon and I started dating, I even made a comic about it once. We have a considerable age gap, but again I’d appreciate the benefit of the doubt in that I am a smart, capable adult. The dynamics of our relationship and circumstances of our courtship are honestly nobody’s business, but it’s never been anything other than two people who met and liked each other enough to start dating and fall in love. Our careers are not connected by anything other than him retweeting my work online, so I find it insulting the implication that that’s what this is about or that my (few) career opportunities are because we sleep in the same bed.

That’s all I wanted to say.

- Alejandra.

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Is a diss track valid if no one responds to it? The cool part of rap beefs and diss tracks is that it goes both ways, are you inviting specific other people to create counter-diss comics? I think that would be pretty rad if it happened. But if no one respo

I was wondering if anyone would make a comic response. I think that would be a more more positive reaction than any angry typing this has sparked today . and I certainly understand your conflicted feelings. I dunno what I would think of this if I was outside of it. 

And as far as allies left (from the 2nd message you sent)– I made it feeling pretty abandoned by people who I’d trusted in the past,- Sooo I’m way beyond playing politics or trying to win anyone over. I would hope that people could choose to enjoy my work based on the work.

As far as the socially conservative fans– I’m still a dude in love with a Colombian trans woman – so I suspect some of that support is just them enjoying seeing me shit on people they don’t like. but I also don’t expect everyone who enjoys my work to have the same world view as me. 

the comicsgate stuff is still a bummer, and even the people I was shitting on in that comic deserve to make their work in an environment that doesn’t attack their gender, sexuality etc. I hope I was clear in going after just their actions and not who they are. 

My hot new diss track.

My hot new diss track. 

I got a quote on INSIDE MOEBIUS part 2 that Dark Horse comics is...

I got a quote on INSIDE MOEBIUS part 2 that Dark Horse comics is putting out. 

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Emotional distress and avoidance diary comic.

Emotional distress and avoidance diary comic.