Brigham Vaughn's Blog, page 13

LET'S TALK ... EATING DISORDERS

CW: eating disorders, anorexia, binge eating, bulimia

So many of you reached out to me while you were reading The Husband Game to tell me how much you loved reading Charlie’s story and his struggles with anorexia. Many of you told me of your own stories of disorder eating.

Like you, like Charlie, I struggle too.

In my case, it isn’t anorexia. It’s binge eating.

Two years ago, I would have been too ashamed to talk about it. When I wrote Unwritten Rules and Charlie first appeared, I knew I’d tell Charlie’s story but I had no plans to tell my own.

But Charlie’s journey and mine were more intertwined than I realized.

In many ways, my struggles with food come from a very different place than Charlie’s.

I love food. I love preparing it. I love eating it. I love the way it makes me feel.

But like Charlie, it wasn’t always something I had an easy relationship with.

My breaking point wasn’t nearly as dramatic as Charlie’s. There was certainly no Olympic medal and I didn’t end up hospitalized.

I was working a day job and writing full time. I was in an unhappy marriage and exhausted and struggling to cope. I felt out of control in my own life. And food made me feel better. It was a coping mechanism.

I’d eat until my stomach hurt. I’d eat until I felt sick, then eat more.

I never purged but I thought about it. Honestly, if I had longer fingers and a touchier gag reflex, I might have, despite the risks.

Instead, I ate. And I ate. And I felt worse and worse.

And then, I decided to raze my life to the ground and start from scratch.

I ended my marriage. I quit my day job. I decided to write full-time. And I told myself it was time to get my eating under control.

I read a lot. I saw a therapist. I tried to root out all of the possible causes for the binge eating. I tried to find all of the triggers.

I learned more about intuitive eating. I developed a healthier relationship with exercise.

I stopped dieting. I did a lot of work to improve my body image and my relationship with food.

And yet, sometimes, I slipped up. And I was filled with shame every time I binged.

Better, but still struggling. And I didn’t know why.

My ADHD diagnosis was a game-changer for me.

Learning that binge eating disorder is very common in people with ADHD was huge.

There are multiple reasons for it.

People with ADHD are constantly seeking the dopamine we naturally lack and food is a quick, easy source of it.

We’re more likely to be impulsive and have a harder time reading our body cues and emotional states.

We can become hyper-focused on what we’re doing and forget to eat for hours, which leads to eating too much when we do have food in front of us.

We’re more likely to eat with too many distractions around us and struggle with stress and anxiety.

So many of these rang true for me.

And many of the answers I’d been searching for clicked into place.

I finally understood why no matter how hard I tried to control how much I ate, I struggled.

There are other factors, of course. Society and diet culture. The way so many of us are raised.

Knowing has been incredible for me.

Do I still have days where I struggle? Definitely.

Do I have work still to do? Absolutely.

But like Charlie, I’m taking it one day at a time.

“I’m never going to magically be cured, Taylor.”

He winced. “I know.”

“I mean, I wish there was a magic fix for an eating disorder but there isn’t. Only continuing to work at it. And I hope someday I can be at peace with food and my body but that doesn’t mean the disorder will be gone. Not completely. I will always need to be aware of it. But this setback was better than the last one. And that one was better than the time before that. I’m not failing again. I’m making progress.”

Several of the resources I found helpful in my own journey can be found here:

Books/Workbooks:

Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Anti-Diet Approach by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch

The Intuitive Eating Workbook: Ten Principles for Nourishing a Healthy Relationship with Food

Instagram Accounts:

@eating.with.kindness

@adhd.dietition

@adhd.nutritionist

THE WAIT IS OVER

Toronto Fisher Cats ice hockey captain Dustin Fowler attended the NHL awards and came home with more than the Ted Lindsay Award ...

A cryptic social media post from the hockey forward himself revealed that he was wed in a secret ceremony in Las Vegas this past weekend.

His caption stating, “Sorry, ladies, Toronto’s most eligible bachelor just went off the market. I married my kitten tonight and I’ve never been happier,” sent tongues wagging across the league.

But who is “Kitten”?

Without verification from either the team’s head office or the new groom, rumors swirl about exactly who Fowler’s partner is.

A credible source from within the organization suggests that “Kitten” is none other than retired men’s figure skating champion Charlie Monaghan.

We here at JockGossip would like to offer our warmest congratulations to the newlyweds.

The Husband Game is now available in ebook, paperback, and kindle unlimited!

I hope you love Dustin & Charlie's story as much as I do. Happy Reading!

WIP WEDNESDAY - THE HUSBAND GAME

We are getting SO CLOSE to release date, just a little over a week to go! So this will be the last WIP Wednesday teaser I share.

“Gotta go.” With a groan, Dustin shifted, tumbling them onto their sides on the bed as he tried to extricate himself from Charlie’s surprisingly strong grip.

He managed to stand but Charlie grabbed the front of his sweatshirt and hauled him in until their noses touched. “Just one more.”

“You’re insatiable.” Dustin braced himself on the bed to keep from tipping over. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“You didn’t fuck me last night,” he said with a pout. “I’m feeling needy.”

“I don’t have sex with people who are on the verge of passing out. Even if I am married to them.”

“Did I ever tell you your thoughtfulness makes me horny?”

“You did.” Dustin pressed another kiss to Charlie’s lips. “And I’m delighted. But hold that thought. I promise I’ll take care of you tonight after we beat the Otters.”

Charlie smirked. “Maybe I’ll take care of myself before then.”

“Please do,” Dustin said hoarsely. “And feel free to send me pictures and/or video.”

“I don’t think Kate would approve.” But Charlie’s eyes sparkled.

“She’s dealt with worse. Seriously though, I’ve gotta go. I promise, I’ll score a goal for you tonight, then give you the best org*sm you’ve ever had.”

“Only one?”

Dustin wasn’t entirely sure if he was talking about goals or orgasms. “You’re greedy but I’ll see what I can do.”

“Greedy for you.”

Dustin kissed him one last time, then finally extricated himself from Charlie’s grasp. “I can live with that.”

WIP WEDNESDAY - THE HUSBAND GAME

Charlie shut the door in Nico’s face and Dustin turned, laughing, to face him. “Sorry about them.”

Charlie shrugged, his eyes sparkling. “They’re fun.”

“They’re something,” Dustin grumbled. He reached out, grasping Charlie’s hip to tug him forward. “Hey. Did you mean what you said?”

“Yes. I don’t care how hot Nico is, he’s not joining us.”

Dustin’s heart felt like it stopped and started several times as he tried to process it all. “No, that wasn’t what I meant.”

“I know.” Charlie bit his lip. “And I … I really do want to get down on my knees right now, Dustin. I do. And I feel like a horrible tease but …”

“But you’re not sure it’s a good idea,” Dustin finished, growing serious.

Charlie nodded. “Yeah.”

Dustin sighed but he nodded, reaching out to brush his thumb across Charlie’s lower lip. “Then take your time. I want you to be sure. The next time I’m inside you, I don’t want it to be because we’re drunk or because we got carried away trying to pretend like this relationship is real. I want it to be because you want me more than you’ve ever wanted anyone else.”

Charlie let out a little gasp, his fingers flying to his mouth. “Dustin, I …”

Dustin brushed his lips across Charlie’s temple, breathing in his scent. “Take your time, kitten. I’m not going anywhere. If and when you’re ready, I’ll be here.”

Is it just me or these two HOT?? *fans self*

WIP WEDNESDAY - THE HUSBAND GAME

Dustin reached for his wallet. “In fact, you should buy yourself something pretty for the event.”

“I already have a few things I could wear.”

Dustin shrugged and pulled out a card. “Treat yourself. Buy several cute things if you want. Cocktail and black tie appropriate. You’ve seen the event schedule Kate sent us for the upcoming season so you might as well be prepared.”

“Are you really suggesting I go on a shopping spree with your card?” Charlie asked, sounding a little skeptical. “I’ve hardly touched the spending money you already gave me.”

“Think of this as a thank you for doing so well with social media posts. If you didn’t already have a job, I think Kate would snap you up in a minute for the team’s PR department.”

Charlie grinned. “Honestly, I find it kind of fun.”

“Well good. But I mean it, I am incredibly grateful to you for everything you’ve done to keep this from becoming a messy scandal. It means more to me than you’ll ever know.” Dustin’s tone was earnest.

“I am glad it’s working for both of us,” Charlie said lightly. “And if you insist on sending me on a shopping spree, I suppose I can manage that.”

“I insist. Clothing. Shoes. Bags. All of the Anastasia Beverly Hills Eyeshadow palettes you want. Whatever your little heart desires.”

“Do I have a spending limit?” Charlie tipped his head back to look up at Dustin with a pretty wide-eyed expression.

He smirked. “I don’t think even you could bankrupt me. Though you certainly do have exquisite taste in diamonds and platinum.”

Charlie grinned down at his wedding rings, then glanced up again. “I am sure there are casinos somewhere around here.”

Dustin’s smirk became a wide grin as he tapped Charlie on the nose with the card. “No diamond solitaires. No gambling with my money. Otherwise, enjoy your shopping spree, kitten.”

Charlie filched the card from Dustin’s hand and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks, sugar bear.”

MAY 26 - NATIONAL ROAD TRIP DAY

Today is national road trip day and I knew I had to do a little spotlight on my road trip story, Push & Pull!

It's the second book in The Midwest Series and features a former hockey player and a bossy twink who take a road trip around Lake Michigan.

I grew up in Michigan and found it so fun to explore all of those areas I was so familiar with and learn more about places I had never been.

The book starts off with some snarky banter but on their trip around the lake, they begin to discover they have a lot in common.

Take one recently out of the closet jock who keeps putting his foot in his mouth. Add in a snarky twink with a heart of gold. Throw them in together on a summer road trip.

What do you get? True love.

And don't forget to let me know what your favorite road trip book is!

COVER REVEAL - THE HUSBAND GAME

I wrapped up the final couple of chapters of ,The Husband Game this past weekend!

The book has been a real struggle. Charlie and Dustin did not make my life easy but I truly do love the way the story has come together and they really are an amazing couple and I can't WAIT to share their story with you.

The book is currently with beta readers and will be off to my editor next week, which means we're on schedule for the release on June 30th!

I hope you enjoy the excerpt below and the official cover reveal. The minute I saw Jennings Brower, I knew he was the perfect Dustin.

Charlie was not pleased to wake up married to him. I don't know about you but I sure wouldn't complain if I did!

“You’re amazing,” Dustin said earnestly, slowing to a stop.

Charlie stilled too, looking up at him through his lashes. “You mean that?”

“I’ve never meant anything more in my life.”

Charlie wet his lips and Dustin leaned in a little, wondering if he was reading Charlie’s body language right.

God, he was dying to kiss Charlie. Maybe it was all for show but damn it, Dustin didn’t care. With a greedy fierceness that took him by surprise, he realized how much he wanted this marriage to be real.

“Oh dear, it’s much worse than I feared.”

The dry tone behind them made Dustin straighten and he turned to face Kate Foster.

She was average height for a woman but that was about the only thing about her that could be called average. She was one of the most formidable people Dustin had ever encountered in his life and he’d faced down his share of grizzled NHL veterans.

“Worse?” he asked with a lift of his eyebrow.

“You’re completely smitten.”

Dustin grinned.

“Guilty. Kate, this is my husband, Charlie Monaghan.” He settled his hand on Charlie’s back. “Charlie, this is Kate Foster. She’s the head of the PR department for the Toronto Fisher Cats.”

“Nice to finally meet the woman behind all of the sternly worded emails,” Charlie said in a pleasant tone as he shook her hand.

Her blue eyes were coolly assessing as she raked her gaze across Charlie. “Well, I see you’re no shrinking violet.”

Charlie laughed. “Oh, I’m quite sure you had that pegged about twenty minutes after you found out my name.”

Her grin widened. “You had quite the reputation in the skating world for flouting the rules.”

“Oh, trust me, I held back most of the time when I was skating.” Charlie’s smile was sweet but there was something in his tone that made Dustin step a little closer, silently offering his support.

Dustin liked Kate a great deal but she hadn’t gotten a position like this by being a shrinking violet either and she was formidable to go up against. Dustin was usually on her good side so they rarely butted heads but he wasn’t going to let her try to push Charlie around either.

Charlie could handle her but Dustin never wanted him to feel like he’d have to do it alone.

Now, Charlie and Kate reminded Dustin of hockey players silently circling each other on the ice, gloves off, ready to duke it out at the first sign of encouragement.

But he’d underestimated Charlie.

He patted Dustin’s stomach, the diamond on his finger glinting in the light. “I can feel you getting all worried from here, dearest, but don’t fret. Kate just needs to be sure I’m good enough for you.”

“Of course you are!” Dustin protested.

Kate laughed and shook her head, her blond hair swishing as it tumbled over her shoulder, her polite smile melting into something more genuine.

“I can see you two are going to be fun to deal with.” Her tone was very dry again and she turned on her spiky heel, gesturing for them to follow. “Well, come along then.”

WELCOME BACK!

It's been a looong time since I updated my blog but the good news is, I have some plans for semi regular posts.

Social media can be unreliable about showing posts and sometimes newsletters get lost but if you ever want to check out the latest news from me, this is the place to do it!

I hope you'll stop by again to see what I have to say!

FEBRUARY 4 - CULINARY REDEMPTION

After the previous day's abysmal cooking, I was glad to see I still had the touch. I made a breakfast of scrambled eggs with green onion, bacon, and brown bread with marmalade.

Oh, and tea of course. It's funny, I usually drink a cup of coffee every morning but lately I've been alternating between coffee and tea and it's quite nice. I still can't do more than two caffeinated drinks per day or I feel terrible. All of the Irish people I know seem to drink tea ALL day and well into the evening.

I'm half convinced they're going to kick me out for not drinking anything caffeinated after 2 pm but so far, they haven't come after me yet. Hopefully my luck will hold?

I spent the day working on the next book in my Rules of the Game universe and I'm loving Gabriel and Lance's story.

It's taken me a little while to get back in the groove with my writing while I'm traveling but the past few days have been great and like I said in the previous blog post, the story is really beginning to come together.

Gabriel Theriault is a hot-headed French-Canadian player who has let a promising career as an NHL defenseman go down the toilet. Lance Tate is a coach for the team Gabriel was just traded to, the Evanston Otters.

Here's a little teaser from Changing the Rules:

“It’s been a rough few years but I want to be here,” Gabriel said. “I need this second chance and I’ll do whatever it takes.”

He glanced over at Tate, meeting his gaze. His eyes were very blue. Darker than Noah’s. Still as concerned though.

“Your tests have been consistently clean.”

“I’ve never been into drugs,” Gabriel said shortly. “The thing that’s been fucking up my game is personal, and I don’t want to talk about it but it’s not that. It never has been.”

“I believe you.”

That meant more than it ought to have, coming from a virtual stranger. Even Noah, with all of their years of closeness, had doubted him at times.

Not that Gabriel could blame him. Why wouldn’t people leap to that conclusion when his behavior had been erratic as hell?

“I love the game,” Gabriel said, staring across the nearly empty parking lot. “I really do.”

“Good.” Tate settled a hand on Gabriel’s shoulder, his hand warm, even through Gabriel’s sun-warmed shirt.

“Welcome to the team.”

Want to pre-order it? You can grab it here.

After a hard day of work, I decided to go for a short walk. It was a crisp, cold evening and there was a sliver of moon low in the sky. Absolutely gorgeous. After my walk, I picked up takeout from a restaurant around the corner.

I got Greek salad and garlic chilli prawns. They were so delicious but the only thing missing was good crusty bread to mop up the sauce.

I couldn't resist the tiramisu because I've been craving it for weeks and I'm so glad I got it. It's some of the best tiramisu I've ever eaten.

It took all of my willpower to not eat the whole container! I will definitely be getting more of it before this trip is over.

FEBRUARY 3 - THEY CAN'T ALL BE WINNERS

Today was mostly writing. I'm making progress on the next hockey book.

Gabriel is definitely an interesting character and I think the story is starting to come together. Finally! Sometimes my character do like to drive me crazy. I feel like this story might be a bit of a fight to get it to behave but those are usually the ones that wind up being very satisfying so I am sure I'll love it when it's done.

I did take a break and go out for a short walk in the afternoon. I found a little shop where I picked up a few gifts for people at home which made me happy.

On the way back, I stumbled across this little (stream? part of the canal?) I dunno what it is but it was pretty and running water also makes me happy. And I love that I never know what I am going to discover around the next corner.

I also had a video chat with my best friend. They got 10-12" of snow at home and her kids were home for a snow day so I got to see them which made me happy. R noped out pretty fast but it was nice to see his face and G was a chatter box. I'm definitely planning to bring chocolate back for them but I am going to have to think of some other good gift ideas.

After some more work, I made dinner. I think by now you probably know I'm a pretty good cook. I enjoy it and things usually turn out well.

This dinner looked nice and was edible but that was about the best that could be said about it.

A stir fry with chicken, peapods, mushrooms, and green onion in a soy ginger sauce over brown rice shouldn't have been difficult but it was... Not great. Lol

I cooked the brown rice for an hour and a half and I couldn't get it to soften. I also managed to waaay over-salt the dish so it was unpleasantly salty.

And because the rice took forever to cook, the chicken wound up a bit dry and the vegetables were soggy. *sighs*

Ahh well. They can't all be a win, I guess.