Christopher L. Hedges's Blog, page 8

My Domino Effect (10/30/14)

Have you ever thought about where you would be if you removed just one of your life’s dominoes from the game? Do you think it’s even remotely possible that you would find yourself in the same place you are currently at? For some of us that might be a good thing and for others it might be quite the opposite.

I had checked in with the family just after getting to Vegas and found out that one of my dominoes had been plucked from the board. Dr Bill LaTorre was one of the many medical practitioners that I had worked with over the years. He opened doors for me that might not have otherwise been opened. I was admitted to Moffitt Cancer Center as an emergency case over a holiday weekend in less than three hours after he made one phone call. Later that same year he introduced me to someone that helped me work through my long standing issues with depression.

With all of the help that he provided me with over the years I never even realized he had problems of his own until I got an email saying that he had shot himself in his office one October morning. Dr LaTorre’s passing was just another sad example of how you never truly know what is going on under the surface in a person’s day to day reality.

What I saw was a man that was always positive and in good spirits. Dr LaTorre was trying to make the world a better place one person at a time. However, behind the sun shine and rainbow facade Bill was dealing with some powerful demons, and they finally got the best of him.

When I think of all that Dr LaTorre did for me I could very easily have found myself in his shoes had he not come into my life. However, it’s Bill’s body of work that makes this the greater tragedy. He didn’t impact one or two people. Dr LaTorre impacted thousands. There were the lives of the people who he treated that got got better, but by extension the lives of of his patients families improved also.

Any premature death is tragic, but the world lost a good one when Dr LaTorre chose to check out. He won’t be there to help the next patient, or make that emergency phone call that opens the door to a problem’s potential solution. So if you are having a rough go at it, find someone to talk to. If you think someone you know is having problems, talk with them. Whatever you do, don’t let a domino be pulled off the board prematurely because you’ll never know how that might impact someone else’s game.

R.I.P. my friend.

I’ve had Better Days (10/29/30)

“Based on our investigation we feel that you have no disability. At this point in time we will be terminating your disability coverage. Since you have been away your position has been eliminated at your employer. Your only options are to reapply for a new position at your employer or look for a new job.”

“Thank you, but at this point in time this conversation is over. It is evident to me that you don’t have my best interest at heart. So any further communication you need to have with me will have to run through my legal counsel.”

“Excuse me?!?!…..”

My disability insurance was canceled leaving me stuck between The Rock and a hard place. I had to track down an Attorney who specialized in the kind of lawsuit that my case fell under, sue my disability insurer, and pray. It turns out that my insurance company was playing chicken. They were playing the odds that I would fold and not seek legal counsel, and boy were they wrong. My condition hasn’t changed from the day I was originally put on disability to the present other than the fact that I have run out of traditional treatment avenues to pursue.

I was taken off chemo by my oncologist because my bone marrow was at a point of permanently destabilizing, I didn’t undergo radiation because it was ineffective in every similar case I read about, and surgery is what got me into my current dilemma. So because I wasn’t receiving treatment in the disability insurer’s eyes I was healthy. The truth is I still only sleep about four and a half hours a night due to pain, eat on average one meal a day (two if I’m lucky), and consume enough prescription medication to be considered intoxicated at all times. However none of that mattered.

That minimum wage associate could have cared less if I killed someone on my way to work because I passed out behind the wheel of my car as a result of a lack of sleep, hypoglycemia and/or intoxication. All he was concerned about was following his script and trying to protect the bottom line.

I have dealt with all of the issues I told that acne scared first year associate recent college graduate I would have to deal with if I went back to work. On several instances on this book tour I found myself drifting off to sleep behind the wheel as a result of a lack of food and sleep. On October 23rd I had to cancel a speaking engagement because I had a minor bowl blockage that took me five days to resolve.

Honestly there are very few limits a human being can’t overcome if he is willing to commit to overcoming them. I know on three separate occasions I worked a complete shift with a 103 degree fever before checking myself into the Emergency Room. However, if you aren’t going to look after my best interests don’t expect me to go out of my way for yours.

That’s all I could think of on October 23rd when I couldn’t drag myself out of my hotel bed.

You Really had to do That? (10/28/14)

There is so much to see, and not enough time to see it all. That lesson has been made abundantly clear as I worked my way across the country. In most of the cities I have visited I had just enough time to get into town, get settled in my hotel room, and then I was out the door and on my way. However, there were a few cities here and there that I had a couple of days to get out and look around. Salt Lake City just happened to be one of those cities.

I stayed with my friend Crystal while I was in town for a few days and she provided me with some recommendations of things to do. On that list was to take a drive over to Big Cottonwood Canyon. It really wasn’t anything more than a scenic drive down a two lane road through a mountain pass, but it was beautiful country. I even took the time to to stop at at a little rest stop and climb to the top of a little plateau to snap a few quick shots to remember my day.

Then when I turned around to to climb back down the side of the mountain I saw this. Who in their right mind finds it necessary to deface a picturesque landscape like this.

The person who chose to deface this scenic view for their own selfish needs is the problem with society today. At no point in time did this person consider what he was about to do. It was all about his personal needs and to Hell with everyone else.

You may not think that it’s that big of a deal to stake your claim by putting a little spray paint on the side of a mountain, but I think it is. It’s the gradual erosion of morals, and values like this that is destroying the fabric of society. This person who felt it necessary to deface this mountain is the same person who thinks he is entitled just for showing up. We should all cater to him, just because. This is the person who checks into work because he has to, does the bare minimum, and just fumbles through the motions.

The problem is we tolerate this attitude in society today. We excuse this bad attitude and worse yet we condone it by not demanding more out of each other. In this era of Progressivism we don’t dare call out another person or exhibit any backbone in the form of candid dialogue. No, we censor ourselves in fear that someone who doesn’t agree with us or like what we have to say will label us in a negative light.

Personally I think it’s high time that we stop empowering the bullies that would like to censor valid dialogue because they happen to oppose the view point.

The Things That Keep You Moving Forward (10/27/14)

I followed the advice of a friend of mine as I prepared for this road trip. “Measure twice, and before you cut measure again.”

I guess you could say that I’m a little O.C.D.. I wouldn’t say it’s the result of an underlying phobia, but rather my hatred for inefficiency. I despise having to redo work!

So being slightly O.C.D. I had the first two months of my road trip setup before I even had it financed; there was no backing out of the book tour.That preparation became a godsend when it came time to set out for Portland, Maine because I had no desire to go.

Fast-forward two months and you would find me doing my first and possibly my only book signing 2,069 miles from home in Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada. It really seems implausible to me, but I honestly think that 99% of all bookstores are hell-bent on initiating their own self destruction.

McNally Robinson’s is a part of the diminishing 1% of bookstores that gets it. If you want to survive in this dog eat dog bottom-line mentality society you have to be different. McNally’s does just that. Besides doing everything humanly possible to add value for their customers, the good folks at McNally’s do the same thing for aspiring authors. The bookstore shelves aren’t cluttered with this month’s new release from the likes of James Patterson. They quite literally only stock no name authors like me.

That experience at McNally’s was a much needed shot of adrenaline at the midway point of my book tour’s northern swing. However, meeting Clare was the most important thing that happened that day in the bookstore.

Clare had a health condition that confined her to a wheelchair. She wasn’t even able to read my book, but she stopped by and told her father she wanted a copy of Average Joe’s Story. We talked for a while before Clare and her father left to enjoy the remainder of their Sunday.

It’s interactions like that one with Clare which makes crawling through all the rivers of crap worthwhile. That connection you make with a person, where for one fleeting moment, you brighten their day is addictive. That interaction is no different than any other drug that leaves you scavenging  for your next hit.

Clare, Thank you for inspiring me to push forward.

The Tribe of Scribes (10/24/14)

The Tribe of Scribes may be one of the most generous communities I have ever been a part of. Granted I haven’t met any big name main stream authors at this point in my career, but we Average Joes, that are trying to build a following, are a supportive bunch. I think we are so willing to give back to our community  because we have the shared experience of frantically treading water trying to figure out this profession called writing .

Whether it be music, acting or any other creative avenue, in order to have any sort of success you must be willing to put yourself out there for the world to see. That level of vulnerability is tough for anyone. It’s like living a life where all of your insecurities are magnified by the Hubble Telescope. To make a difficult situation worse, up pop the trolls. These are malicious creatures that hide in the obscurity of anonymity and ferociously attack anyone  that would dare strive for greatness.

Between our inferiority complexes and the abusive troll assaults it’s a wonder that anyone would attempt to be creative. I guess you would have to say creatives have masochistic tendencies or we have learned one important lesson, a single twig is weak and breaks, but a bundle of twigs is strong (Tecumseh). The authors I have met have not appeared to have forgotten that lesson. I think that is why they are always willing to be a part of someone else’s  bundle.

Nothing ever seems to dull the blow from the snide remarks and cheap shots, but the community makes them tolerable. If you haven’t found yours yet I highly recommend you find your bundle of stick to become a part of.

Oh, the Places You’ll Go…Thank you Dr Seuss (10/23/14)

Do you remember reading the words of one of the greatest minds of our generation? “Oh the places you’ll go…” Dr Seuss was sharing words of wisdom with kids that they could carry with them for a lifetime.

I guess the real questions then become were you listening and did you take Dr Seuss’ messages to heart?

“Do you like green eggs and ham? I do not like them, Sam-I-am. I do not like green eggs and ham… Sam! If you will let me be, I will try them… I do so like green eggs and ham! Thank you! Thank you, Sam-I-am.” Don’t rush to judgement on preconceived notions.

“Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, But the Grinch who lived just North of Whoville did not! The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason… He puzzled and puzzed till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more! And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say. That the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day!” Everyone has the capacity to change, even a cold hearted Grinch.

There are hundreds of lessons weaved into those pages between the colorful artwork, and I just happened to dumb-luck my way into following the lessons of Oh, the Places You’ll Go!.

One of the places I went was Minneapolis-St Paul, Minnesota and by doing so I met Melody. I found Melody to be a fabulous person to talk with because of how interesting she was. She had a slew of unconventional beliefs and as a result most people might simply dismiss her as being lost somewhere in left field.

However, if I hadn’t dumb lucked my way of following Dr Seuss’ advice I never would have connected with Melody on a random Wednesday morning in Minnesota. So, where will you go today? Who will you meet? What will you learn? Most importantly, what experiences will you gain to talk about later? I’m looking forward to hearing your stories in Whoville sometime.

Just One More Correction (10/22/14)

“Welcome to Winnipeg. We have two seasons here, Winter and Construction.”

That was the way I was greeted when I checked into my hotel in Winnipeg, and it was absolutely perfect. I had been on the road for a little over three hours, and was just shy of strip searched at the boarder an hour or so earlier.

Honestly I had to laugh because based on the never ending construction projects I saw as I weaved my way through Winnipeg the receptionist at the Hotel’s front desk wasn’t kidding. The other thing that made me laugh was the fact that I left a two season location in Florida less than two months earlier, Summer and Less Summer.

To tell you the truth I was excited to be in town for Winnipeg’s Construction season. I was stoked to trade 1300 degrees and 9000% humidity for the brisk 43 degree nights of the soon to be frozen tundra. However, it wasn’t too long ago I was thrilled to be exchanging the tepid temperatures of Northern Europe for the sunny skies of South Beach.

I learned early on that that no matter where you look the grass is always going to be greener on the other side. There simply is no such thing as perfection. The best you can honestly hope for is the least flawed opportunity available. I know that may come off sounding very negative and cynical, but it’s an important lesson to take to heart. The minute you come to terms with the fact that nothing and no one is perfect you’ll get a lot more accomplished in life. You won’t find yourself waiting on the sidelines watching as everyone else competes in the game of life while you find yourself to be an idle bystander.

The most common example I seem to hear of lately is that of everyone who is working on a book. I need to edit just one more time before I look for an editor. I need to redo the ending for the thirteenth time before I submit my manuscript to a publisher because it isn’t just right. It will never be just right because there will always be room for improvement. Perfection becomes a safety line that you tether yourself to that logically seems like it is there for your own protection, but in reality it is a growth killer.

Don’t be afraid to to take a chance on something that isn’t “perfect” because if you do you could end up living to regret it.

A State of Balance (10/21/14)

Do you ever wonder why opposites attract? I was asking myself that question while I was eating lunch at a McDonald’s in Detroit. I was grabbing a quick bite to eat after spending an afternoon with the Skillmaster Toastmaster Club when I met Michael.

“Excuse me sir. I don’t mean to bother you, but I was wondering if you could help me get something to eat?”

Michael was confined to a wheelchair because he was missing both of his legs. Hanging from the back of his wheelchair was a collection of medical bag with tubes of fluid that were pumping who knows what into Michael. I don’t know if I walked up to the counter to get Michael something to eat because I felt sorry for him, or because if I found myself in a similar situation I would hope a stranger would do the same for me.

“Here’s your cup, and you’re number 190.”

“Can you get me a coke?”

So I handed Michael his ticket, and walked over to get him a Coke. The fountain was a little high, and would have been awkward for him to fill the glass so I thought sure why not. I walked back with Micheal’s Coke, and as soon as I picked up my sandwich to finally take a bite order 190 was called.

“Hey they just called the number….”

I went and picked up Micheal’s lunch that I paid for, delivered it to him, and finally got to sit down and eat my now cold food. I spent a lot of time reflecting on that interaction with Micheal. Was he born with a birth defect, and had he learned how to use his condition to manipulate people? Did he loses his legs as a result of an accident, and was he suffering from depression as a result? I don’t know Micheal’s story, but he sure plays the role of a victim exceptionally well. Micheal easily could have rolled himself up to the counter to pick up his own food. He also could have made an attempt to fill his own drink. However, instead of even trying Micheal played the pity card to get someone else do everything for him at every opportunity. He went so far as to get another patron to push him down the street once he was done eating.

I think what bothered me most about my experience with Micheal was how diametrically opposed he was to the members of Skillmasters. The members of that club had everything working against them. They had to cram the equivalent of an hour to an hour and a half meeting into a forty five minute time frame because their members are on a very strict work schedule. However, those members see and create so much value in the time that they have together that they find a way to make the meeting work. It would be easy for them to just say this is to tough to do, and walk away.

It may appear that I’m comparing apples to oranges, but I don’t see it that way. Are they different scenarios? Absolutely, but they are both scenarios of attitude and character confronted by adversity. Micheal represented the glass half empty, and the Skillmasters represented the glass half full. I think life was letting me see how the Universe maintains balance. Like magnets, for every negative there is a balancing positive. So when opposites attract it’s nothing more than the Universe trying to maintain a constant state of balance.

What is a Good Teacher? (10/20/14)

How do you judge the quality of a teacher? My friend Robin moved down to Florida from Grand Blanc, Michigan a few years back so she gave her old Toastmasters club a call to facilitate an introduction for me while I was in town on the book tour. It was great! I had the opportunity to speak, but more importantly I got to connect with a group of new people I may have otherwise never have met. I sold a couple of copies of Average Joe’s Story: Quest for Confidence, and I got a change of scenery from my hotel room that was somewhere just outside of Detroit.

What I hadn’t anticipated was the fact that I would get a little bit of free press in the local media. When I got up the next morning I had an email in my inbox from Robin. After I attended the Grand Blanc Area Toastmasters Club the club’s Vice President of Public Relations used the opportunity of having a guest speaker, and author from out of town to get their name out to the local media. The club and I both got some free press, but I was tickled pink because they did all the work.

I have listened to Robin talk to people about PR all the time on both a personal and professional level. Without fail the two points she will always bring up are never waste an opportunity and your PR initiative is a continuous campaign. Three years later Grand Blanc Area Toastmasters still adheres to Robin’s words of wisdom. They had a guest from out of town pop in from out of the blue so they used that unexpected event as a part of their ongoing PR campaign.

I see Robin as an example of what a good teacher looks like. A good teacher is someone that teaches a lesson, and the lesson catches hold. The lesson of a good teacher doesn’t fade away once the teacher is out of sight, out of mind. When a good teacher enters your life a little piece of them remains with you with every lesson they teach. Undoubtedly Robin taught many a lesson to her old club back in Michigan, and based on the actions taken by the club in her absence, she was a good teacher.

I bring this up because so far in my travels I have come to see the importance that good teachers have not just on people, but communities. They make a difference of not simply in the lives of the people they teach, but by extension anyone those people come into contact with. So if you have something to share with the world, are you sharing it? If not…why not?

Going Forward as a Commodity? (10/17/14)

Time out on the road is inefficient, but to tell you the truth there is very little FREE Time. I lose hours getting stuck in traffic and commuting from place to place. I spend a good deal of time in bed recovering from poor eating, sleeping, and general lifestyle habits while bouncing around the country. However, when I do get out in a city I try and make the most of time there. I like to learn a little bit about the city I’m visiting, people in general, and myself.

One area where I try to make sure that I invest some of my free time is with my friend James. At first glance James and I couldn’t appear more different. He’s a retired professional football player that came from a rough side of town in Alabama. I grew up in a world of privilege. Black vs White. However, when you strip away all of the labels we’re actually very similar, but because of our different life experiences we have an amazing opportunity to learn from one another.

Shortly after meeting James he told me that he walked away from football early in his career because he didn’t like being treated like a commodity. He turned his back on all of the hard work he put into making it to the NFL. I was able to understand what James told me, but it wasn’t until recently I was able to honestly empathize with him.

There are all sorts of people that get treated like commodities and are eventually discard like waste when they have no more value. Sorry for the stereotypes, but think rich guy who loses all of his wealth and beautiful girl leaves him in the dumps or the inverse rich guy kicking his girlfriend to the curb for a new younger model. You can really see this phenomenon anywhere if you’re willing to look for it. So I understood what James was talking about, but I got to experience it at a Barnes & Noble in Michigan.

I visited the store to see if I could find a copy of Average Joe’s Story: Quest for Confidence on the store shelves. Surprise, surprise there wasn’t one to be found, but that really didn’t bother me too much after I looked around to see what the patrons were doing. Just outside of the in store Starbucks a woman had three books she had collected to read. She was reading one, and using one as a coaster for her venti frappuccino concoction. At no point did she consider how her actions and the minor damage from sweat ring would affect other people. I won’t buy a book that looks used let alone one that exhibits any sign of damage. So when that book doesn’t sell because people don’t want to buy a used book it gets sent back to the publisher, is basically destroyed, and the author and publisher eat the cost.

Another group of young ladies also had a stack of books in the coffee shop. A diligent employ who was cleaning up around the store stopped by and asked, ” Are you still using these?” That may have been a subconscious slip of the tongue, but that statement inferred that it was okay to treat the books sitting on the shelves for sale as if they were library books. That group of ladies could have purchased that stack of 25 books, but the employee’s statement connoted that it was just fine for them to use them then leave. I felt enraged and my book wasn’t even in the Barnes & Noble Library. Of all of those books in that store the average author might be lucky enough to see a dollar per book. That doesn’t even take into consideration what the authors could get charged for the returns to the publisher.

My body never took the physical punishment that James’ did, but I can now honestly say I empathize with the way he felt back then. That’s why if I choose to go forward with writing a second book there will be some changes that are made to the contracts I use. However, the way I see things currently I probably will not write a follow up to Average Joe’s Story.