Jeremy McLean's Blog, page 7
January 25, 2014
The Mask of Maturity
Masks seem to be a word synonymous with personality and barriers.
'They' say that people put on masks to cover their true self, and only take off the mask in front of those they trust. Some may take off certain masks for certain people, and put on different masks for different people as well.
So, is maturity a mask as well? When we grow older, do we don a mask as we change, adding layer after layer until what we are is the person we once were? Covering it up until that person we once were is almost non-existent?
I like to think about it differently. I think we only have one mask from birth.
(As with most of these posts, I'm only articulating these thoughts on the spot, so it may not come out exactly as I feel. Please bear with me.)
As we grow, even without our knowing, the mask changes, it cracks, it becomes discoloured. But, like the ship of Theseus, we repair it, we fix the cracks, we put the colour back in as best we can. It never returns to the way it once was though, and so when we notice the one untarnished spot on our mask we guard it jealously from everyone and everything that could harm it.
As we stand our metaphorical vigil to protect that part of the mask, we may only show parts of the mask to certain people. "Here, you get to see the part on the top right, I've dealt with ones like you and if I show you this part you'll ignore the rest." Or: "You can't see the top right of my mask, but maybe the bottom left and middle because it's like you."
We show different facets of our personality depending on the person, but each facet we show is still part of the same whole, still shades of what we are now.
When we let people in closer, we gradually let them see more of the mask, more of what makes us us, and that person gets closer to the unharmed portion of the mask.
I prefer to think of myself as whole, rather than in layers. Layers, or constantly taking off and putting on different masks, make it seem like we are creating a façade, a fake personality to suit the situation, rather than showing a true part of who we are.
A bit of the truth sounds better than all of a lie, wouldn't you say?
'They' say that people put on masks to cover their true self, and only take off the mask in front of those they trust. Some may take off certain masks for certain people, and put on different masks for different people as well.
So, is maturity a mask as well? When we grow older, do we don a mask as we change, adding layer after layer until what we are is the person we once were? Covering it up until that person we once were is almost non-existent?
I like to think about it differently. I think we only have one mask from birth.
(As with most of these posts, I'm only articulating these thoughts on the spot, so it may not come out exactly as I feel. Please bear with me.)
As we grow, even without our knowing, the mask changes, it cracks, it becomes discoloured. But, like the ship of Theseus, we repair it, we fix the cracks, we put the colour back in as best we can. It never returns to the way it once was though, and so when we notice the one untarnished spot on our mask we guard it jealously from everyone and everything that could harm it.
As we stand our metaphorical vigil to protect that part of the mask, we may only show parts of the mask to certain people. "Here, you get to see the part on the top right, I've dealt with ones like you and if I show you this part you'll ignore the rest." Or: "You can't see the top right of my mask, but maybe the bottom left and middle because it's like you."
We show different facets of our personality depending on the person, but each facet we show is still part of the same whole, still shades of what we are now.
When we let people in closer, we gradually let them see more of the mask, more of what makes us us, and that person gets closer to the unharmed portion of the mask.
I prefer to think of myself as whole, rather than in layers. Layers, or constantly taking off and putting on different masks, make it seem like we are creating a façade, a fake personality to suit the situation, rather than showing a true part of who we are.
A bit of the truth sounds better than all of a lie, wouldn't you say?
January 23, 2014
Voyages of Queen Anne's Revenge - Book 2 Teaser Chapter
I'm getting closer to releasing my next novel, still a ways away to be sure, but far closer than I was a year ago. In light of that, I will be releasing some teaser chapters as I make my way through my own editing.
These are very raw, however, and may be a bit different than the final version. So, please, remember that any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors are hopefully going to be fixed before release.
If you haven't read the first novel, I urge you to do so, or not continue reading, as it contains spoilers. There's a link to my first novel on the right side of the blog, or for convenience, right here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0094QU1U0
This is the opening chapter, the Prologue, but despite the name may not necessarily take place before the events of the novel. It could be before, or in the middle somewhere, it's up to the reader to decide based on other events.
Without further delay, here it is:
Prologue
The sun sent it's gift of heat and light down in waves upon the open sea through the clouds. The only reprieve from the scorching were the storm clouds coming from the east and the light wind gaining speed.
"Cap'n, there be a storm brewin'" The helmsman said over his shoulder.
A tall, well built man walked up beside the helmsman. There was a distinctive snap as he thrust his one wooden leg to the lumber of the ship when he stepped. He had a pipe in his mouth and blew great puffs of smoke into the air, carried off by the rising winds. His dark, grungy, salt and pepper hair, held in place by a tricorn hat, covered his wrinkled, piercing eyes. However, the hair did not cloud his vision as he peered at the clouds and let the air into his nostrils with an almost animal ferocity.
"Aye, but she be a storm of man, not the Lord." After taking another puff of the weed and eyeing the east he turned his attention to the crew. "Hoist the sails! We have a guest comin' and he's not the type to be left waitin'"
None questioned the peculiar message from their captain. The crew was fully aware of his perception and long since past wondering how he knew what he did. And, as if to reward their blind faith, a ship approached them from the east.
The ship flew no flag, no mark of distinction to any country or man, though it was a second rate ship according to the British Navy's standards. Nearly one hundred guns over three decks and with a crew of just over seven hundred souls made it fearsome to behold. A ship that size would normally be pressed to maneuver delicately, but it's crew managed it as deftly and gracefully as a swan in a pond. They sailed next to the first ship so close they could almost look as one from afar.
If the second ship moved like a swan, then the captain was a falcon. He looked almost to glide across the railings of each ship. As he passed, the crew of the first ship showed him signs of respect in the taking off of their caps or the bending of their knees. The second captain paid them no heed and headed straight to the helm where the first captain still stood.
"Leave us Bertram. These old sods need to have a conversation." The first captain ordered to the helmsman.
"Aye, Captain." Bertram said as he locked the helm into place and left.
The second captain threw the first a bottle of aged scotch. "You come bearing gifts?" The first captain said, as he walked to the middle of the deck and took a long swig of the scotch. "So am I in the presence of the Lord of Gifts today? Or is it Stormbringer?" He said, gesturing around him. "Benjamin perhaps, or Albert? The Red Hand, or the Golden Horn?"
The second captain raised his eyes for the first time, showing his aged face. "Can't it be in the presence of a friend?" The man smiled, showing more wrinkles. He was well groomed and had short hair with only a few grey hairs showing. His eyes, though softened in the presence of one whom he entitled a friend, were just as piercing, if not more so.
The first laughed heartily. "Of course!" He grabbed the second man and they hugged each other tightly. The first eventually pulled away and held the second at arms length. "You are always a friend, and always welcome."
The two sat on the deck leisurely and passed the scotch and weed back and forth. Once the introduction was complete, the crews lost their formal and reserved nature and mingled together swapping stories and alcohol like best friends reunited.
When the weed was spent and the scotch, like the stories, nearly depleted, the first captain decided to start business. "So, Benjamin, what brings ye here? Not playing dog today are ye?"
Benjamin laughed bitterly. "No, not today. I've come to ask a favour if I may be so presumptuous."
"Speak and it shall be done. You know I can never refuse the Golden Horns will."
"Even if that Gold is tarnished?" Benjamin said, his eyes cast to the deck.
"Tarnished Gold is still Gold, is it not?" The captain said with a laugh hoarse from age and too much pipe.
Benjamins smile from the comment was melancholic. "I suppose so." He took another swig of the scotch and passed it back to the captain. "Have you heard news of my successor?"
At that word, despite the din of the two crews, despite the storm which now surrounded the horizon, despite all the noise, that one word uttered by Benjamin caused a hush to spread over the two boats. Those drunk instantly sobered, those laughing became silent, all eyes turned, and all ears perked towards the two captains.
"You've gone and said it now. I never thought I would see the day." The captain opened the scotch bottle and finished the remainder in one great gulp.
"You know of whom I speak?"
"Aye, I heard 'bout that fledgling youngster. Already causin' a stir in the New World and Old. Need me to show him how things were done in our age?"
"No, I've got him running errands myself right now. I need him to remain unspoiled before he's ready to hatch though, and my sources tell me the Black Plague is moving on him as we speak."
At the mention of that title the first captain held fast for a moment before setting the empty bottle solemnly on the deck with a clang. "That is bad news. The egg is liable to be broken if the Plague ain't stopped."
"Yes, and that is why I am asking you to stop him. I am asking you, William Kidd, the Tsunami, to do this for me." Benjamin said nonchalantly.
The crews, mainly silent until then, began to whisper amongst each other on the events unfolding.
"You're askin' for a lot." Kidd replied.
"I would not ask anything of you that I thought you could not accomplish."
"Aye, even at yer boldest you be reasonable." Kidd rose and walked to the edge of the deck, overlooking the crew. "Ready yerselves boys! Soon we see if a Tsunami can stop the Plague. By the Sound of the Golden Horn!"
“By the Sound of the Golden Horn!” The crews repeated, raising their glasses and bottles before drinking. The old hymn was the battle cry from the olden days when all the worlds best pirates followed Benjamin Hornigold, and it meant Kidd’s crew approved of the deal struck.
The two crews separated soon after, knowing full well that a great battle would take place between William Kidd, one of the Pirate Warlords who fought in the War of the Horns, and Edward Russell, one of the Immortal Seven, the Admiral of the Black.
These are very raw, however, and may be a bit different than the final version. So, please, remember that any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors are hopefully going to be fixed before release.
If you haven't read the first novel, I urge you to do so, or not continue reading, as it contains spoilers. There's a link to my first novel on the right side of the blog, or for convenience, right here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0094QU1U0
This is the opening chapter, the Prologue, but despite the name may not necessarily take place before the events of the novel. It could be before, or in the middle somewhere, it's up to the reader to decide based on other events.
Without further delay, here it is:
Prologue
The sun sent it's gift of heat and light down in waves upon the open sea through the clouds. The only reprieve from the scorching were the storm clouds coming from the east and the light wind gaining speed.
"Cap'n, there be a storm brewin'" The helmsman said over his shoulder.
A tall, well built man walked up beside the helmsman. There was a distinctive snap as he thrust his one wooden leg to the lumber of the ship when he stepped. He had a pipe in his mouth and blew great puffs of smoke into the air, carried off by the rising winds. His dark, grungy, salt and pepper hair, held in place by a tricorn hat, covered his wrinkled, piercing eyes. However, the hair did not cloud his vision as he peered at the clouds and let the air into his nostrils with an almost animal ferocity.
"Aye, but she be a storm of man, not the Lord." After taking another puff of the weed and eyeing the east he turned his attention to the crew. "Hoist the sails! We have a guest comin' and he's not the type to be left waitin'"
None questioned the peculiar message from their captain. The crew was fully aware of his perception and long since past wondering how he knew what he did. And, as if to reward their blind faith, a ship approached them from the east.
The ship flew no flag, no mark of distinction to any country or man, though it was a second rate ship according to the British Navy's standards. Nearly one hundred guns over three decks and with a crew of just over seven hundred souls made it fearsome to behold. A ship that size would normally be pressed to maneuver delicately, but it's crew managed it as deftly and gracefully as a swan in a pond. They sailed next to the first ship so close they could almost look as one from afar.
If the second ship moved like a swan, then the captain was a falcon. He looked almost to glide across the railings of each ship. As he passed, the crew of the first ship showed him signs of respect in the taking off of their caps or the bending of their knees. The second captain paid them no heed and headed straight to the helm where the first captain still stood.
"Leave us Bertram. These old sods need to have a conversation." The first captain ordered to the helmsman.
"Aye, Captain." Bertram said as he locked the helm into place and left.
The second captain threw the first a bottle of aged scotch. "You come bearing gifts?" The first captain said, as he walked to the middle of the deck and took a long swig of the scotch. "So am I in the presence of the Lord of Gifts today? Or is it Stormbringer?" He said, gesturing around him. "Benjamin perhaps, or Albert? The Red Hand, or the Golden Horn?"
The second captain raised his eyes for the first time, showing his aged face. "Can't it be in the presence of a friend?" The man smiled, showing more wrinkles. He was well groomed and had short hair with only a few grey hairs showing. His eyes, though softened in the presence of one whom he entitled a friend, were just as piercing, if not more so.
The first laughed heartily. "Of course!" He grabbed the second man and they hugged each other tightly. The first eventually pulled away and held the second at arms length. "You are always a friend, and always welcome."
The two sat on the deck leisurely and passed the scotch and weed back and forth. Once the introduction was complete, the crews lost their formal and reserved nature and mingled together swapping stories and alcohol like best friends reunited.
When the weed was spent and the scotch, like the stories, nearly depleted, the first captain decided to start business. "So, Benjamin, what brings ye here? Not playing dog today are ye?"
Benjamin laughed bitterly. "No, not today. I've come to ask a favour if I may be so presumptuous."
"Speak and it shall be done. You know I can never refuse the Golden Horns will."
"Even if that Gold is tarnished?" Benjamin said, his eyes cast to the deck.
"Tarnished Gold is still Gold, is it not?" The captain said with a laugh hoarse from age and too much pipe.
Benjamins smile from the comment was melancholic. "I suppose so." He took another swig of the scotch and passed it back to the captain. "Have you heard news of my successor?"
At that word, despite the din of the two crews, despite the storm which now surrounded the horizon, despite all the noise, that one word uttered by Benjamin caused a hush to spread over the two boats. Those drunk instantly sobered, those laughing became silent, all eyes turned, and all ears perked towards the two captains.
"You've gone and said it now. I never thought I would see the day." The captain opened the scotch bottle and finished the remainder in one great gulp.
"You know of whom I speak?"
"Aye, I heard 'bout that fledgling youngster. Already causin' a stir in the New World and Old. Need me to show him how things were done in our age?"
"No, I've got him running errands myself right now. I need him to remain unspoiled before he's ready to hatch though, and my sources tell me the Black Plague is moving on him as we speak."
At the mention of that title the first captain held fast for a moment before setting the empty bottle solemnly on the deck with a clang. "That is bad news. The egg is liable to be broken if the Plague ain't stopped."
"Yes, and that is why I am asking you to stop him. I am asking you, William Kidd, the Tsunami, to do this for me." Benjamin said nonchalantly.
The crews, mainly silent until then, began to whisper amongst each other on the events unfolding.
"You're askin' for a lot." Kidd replied.
"I would not ask anything of you that I thought you could not accomplish."
"Aye, even at yer boldest you be reasonable." Kidd rose and walked to the edge of the deck, overlooking the crew. "Ready yerselves boys! Soon we see if a Tsunami can stop the Plague. By the Sound of the Golden Horn!"
“By the Sound of the Golden Horn!” The crews repeated, raising their glasses and bottles before drinking. The old hymn was the battle cry from the olden days when all the worlds best pirates followed Benjamin Hornigold, and it meant Kidd’s crew approved of the deal struck.
The two crews separated soon after, knowing full well that a great battle would take place between William Kidd, one of the Pirate Warlords who fought in the War of the Horns, and Edward Russell, one of the Immortal Seven, the Admiral of the Black.
January 21, 2014
Early Edition Needs A Reboot
Does anyone remember this show?
I remember watching this with my family. It was one of our things, the bonding moments we had together. Our family didn't talk much, we watched tv. Some may find that sad, but I don't. It was more about being together and sharing enjoyment in something. I feel that we knew each other more because of that, rather than the other way around. Don't they always say that actions speak louder than words?
Anyway, Early Edition for those who haven't seen it, is about a man who receives a newspaper the day before it's actually supposed to be there. Meaning, he sees tomorrow's headlines today. I think that might have been the tagline of the show, or at least in the opening.
With the knowledge of tomorrow he goes out and tries to stop accidents or murders from happening. I only remember bits and pieces of the actual episodes, but I remember liking it and thinking it was interesting.
Thinking about it now though, it makes me wonder how a person like that would think and why they would start doing things like saving people instead of playing the stock market and making millions. Why did he choose to focus on being altruistic rather than greedy? Come to think of it, I don't remember how he made money when he spent his time trying to save people, so maybe they did play with that idea and I just don't recall.
It would be interesting to see how it would have played out in todays world, or even if the series just kept going and had a crazy cult following keeping it alive until now. Like, what if the paper he got went out of business because of the prevalence of cell phones, so instead it started happening in different ways, like twitter or facebook posts.
It ended in 2000, what would have happened if it went on for just one more year? How would they have dealt with 9/11 in the story? Was he in New York? Would he try to have the buildings evacuate, only to fail? What if it became an alternate look at history? Take a break for a year, see how things happened in the world, the main character stops 9/11 and makes the world a better place. No war, no rash of terrorism taking over the news.
Or what if it didn't really change anything? There was no way he could have stopped both planes from hitting, only save the people in the twin towers. It would still be tragic and the need to beef up security on airplanes would still be needed, so maybe if the planes hit it would still spark a war.
What about the Boston Bombings, how would the show have dealt with that?
Even if there was a full on reboot of the show, maybe the character is completely different. With shows like Dexter, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad etc, characters are becoming more grey, rather than the black and white of the 90s.
What if the person who got the paper, or the news feeds on his cell phone, a day prior used it to play the stocks, or used it to his own gain? Or what if he took the news of serial killers or rapists and instead of letting them get caught by police he kills them instead?
They could still do it like it was in the old series though, and have the character completely selfless, but make it believable by adding a wish-fulfilment fantasy to it. Have the character don a mask and try to be a superhero, being slightly detached from reality. Then as he goes along risking his life, he starts to take martial arts and self defence classes to bulk up and be better, realising that it's not as easy as in the comics, and also helping him grow as a person.
It would be interesting if they reboot the series, and I would love to see which road they took it in.
I remember watching this with my family. It was one of our things, the bonding moments we had together. Our family didn't talk much, we watched tv. Some may find that sad, but I don't. It was more about being together and sharing enjoyment in something. I feel that we knew each other more because of that, rather than the other way around. Don't they always say that actions speak louder than words?
Anyway, Early Edition for those who haven't seen it, is about a man who receives a newspaper the day before it's actually supposed to be there. Meaning, he sees tomorrow's headlines today. I think that might have been the tagline of the show, or at least in the opening.
With the knowledge of tomorrow he goes out and tries to stop accidents or murders from happening. I only remember bits and pieces of the actual episodes, but I remember liking it and thinking it was interesting.
Thinking about it now though, it makes me wonder how a person like that would think and why they would start doing things like saving people instead of playing the stock market and making millions. Why did he choose to focus on being altruistic rather than greedy? Come to think of it, I don't remember how he made money when he spent his time trying to save people, so maybe they did play with that idea and I just don't recall.
It would be interesting to see how it would have played out in todays world, or even if the series just kept going and had a crazy cult following keeping it alive until now. Like, what if the paper he got went out of business because of the prevalence of cell phones, so instead it started happening in different ways, like twitter or facebook posts.
It ended in 2000, what would have happened if it went on for just one more year? How would they have dealt with 9/11 in the story? Was he in New York? Would he try to have the buildings evacuate, only to fail? What if it became an alternate look at history? Take a break for a year, see how things happened in the world, the main character stops 9/11 and makes the world a better place. No war, no rash of terrorism taking over the news.
Or what if it didn't really change anything? There was no way he could have stopped both planes from hitting, only save the people in the twin towers. It would still be tragic and the need to beef up security on airplanes would still be needed, so maybe if the planes hit it would still spark a war.
What about the Boston Bombings, how would the show have dealt with that?
Even if there was a full on reboot of the show, maybe the character is completely different. With shows like Dexter, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad etc, characters are becoming more grey, rather than the black and white of the 90s.
What if the person who got the paper, or the news feeds on his cell phone, a day prior used it to play the stocks, or used it to his own gain? Or what if he took the news of serial killers or rapists and instead of letting them get caught by police he kills them instead?
They could still do it like it was in the old series though, and have the character completely selfless, but make it believable by adding a wish-fulfilment fantasy to it. Have the character don a mask and try to be a superhero, being slightly detached from reality. Then as he goes along risking his life, he starts to take martial arts and self defence classes to bulk up and be better, realising that it's not as easy as in the comics, and also helping him grow as a person.
It would be interesting if they reboot the series, and I would love to see which road they took it in.
June 20, 2013
The Unimportance of Being Earnest
Irony is never one of my strong suits, sorry Mr. Wilde.
Perhaps a newer reference can set the tone for this discussion and my re-entry into the blogosphere: "Why so serious?"
I've been reading a lot of things on the internet about serious subjects lately. Rape culture, transgender dissension, homophobia, sexism and hate against feminists. People getting attacked for making comments wanting equal rights, and others, who might genuinely not think they are saying anything wrong and just need education, receiving hateful comments from the side who apparently are the forward thinkers.
I don't get it really.
I've always had a problem with the way people go about things when they want their voice to be heard, sometimes. The people against homosexuals protest and make hateful comments, such as the age old "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" schtick, but then the people, who may not even necessarily be homosexual themselves yet proclaim to be forward thinkers, make hateful comments against those protesters choice in religion.
Not everyone is like this, I'm not blind, but as with anything on the internet, the more vocal ones are generally the ones who are guilty of this.
Did no one ever learn the moral of taking the high road, "turning the other cheek" as it were? Are these people so blinded by their rage against someone who has different beliefs that they just can't help the comments they make?
That seems ironic, isn't it? (I really can't tell)
Both sides just need to breathe and maybe think about what they're saying. Does everything need to be taken so gravely? Or at least not so seriously that it makes you angry enough to become like what you are so upset over.
I think dialogue is much better than yelling. And if the haters and fools just keep yelling, just laugh it off, be the bigger person and in the end intelligence will prevail. It may take longer, but force-feeding equality isn't the way is it?
I'm not saying that it wouldn't have been a bajillion times better if slavery never existed, or female equality was never in question, or people were allowed to love whomever they love from the beginning, but a lesson is never learned by hitting someone over the head with it, or on the religion side of the coin "Bible thumping" never works. (Unless brain washing is your game)
So, please, everyone, the so called forward thinkers and the religious people alike, breathe and talk. There is never a need to be that serious about something.
But, unlike my quote above, perhaps the Joker from the Batman movies isn't the best role model.
Maybe that's the irony?
Perhaps a newer reference can set the tone for this discussion and my re-entry into the blogosphere: "Why so serious?"
I've been reading a lot of things on the internet about serious subjects lately. Rape culture, transgender dissension, homophobia, sexism and hate against feminists. People getting attacked for making comments wanting equal rights, and others, who might genuinely not think they are saying anything wrong and just need education, receiving hateful comments from the side who apparently are the forward thinkers.
I don't get it really.
I've always had a problem with the way people go about things when they want their voice to be heard, sometimes. The people against homosexuals protest and make hateful comments, such as the age old "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" schtick, but then the people, who may not even necessarily be homosexual themselves yet proclaim to be forward thinkers, make hateful comments against those protesters choice in religion.
Not everyone is like this, I'm not blind, but as with anything on the internet, the more vocal ones are generally the ones who are guilty of this.
Did no one ever learn the moral of taking the high road, "turning the other cheek" as it were? Are these people so blinded by their rage against someone who has different beliefs that they just can't help the comments they make?
That seems ironic, isn't it? (I really can't tell)
Both sides just need to breathe and maybe think about what they're saying. Does everything need to be taken so gravely? Or at least not so seriously that it makes you angry enough to become like what you are so upset over.
I think dialogue is much better than yelling. And if the haters and fools just keep yelling, just laugh it off, be the bigger person and in the end intelligence will prevail. It may take longer, but force-feeding equality isn't the way is it?
I'm not saying that it wouldn't have been a bajillion times better if slavery never existed, or female equality was never in question, or people were allowed to love whomever they love from the beginning, but a lesson is never learned by hitting someone over the head with it, or on the religion side of the coin "Bible thumping" never works. (Unless brain washing is your game)
So, please, everyone, the so called forward thinkers and the religious people alike, breathe and talk. There is never a need to be that serious about something.
But, unlike my quote above, perhaps the Joker from the Batman movies isn't the best role model.
Maybe that's the irony?
January 13, 2013
Fight For Me & I'll Fight For You
(This post doesn't really apply to my current friends, this is all about people in the past and more of a introspection.)
I find more and more, as I grow older, that I don't have time for bullshit. I don't want meaningless friendships, nor do I want people in my life who I feel could replace me easily.
I don't think it's selfish to want to be wanted, is it?
In any relationship I start, whether it's just friends or something I want to develop into more, I don't want to be the only one trying. If I have to jump through hoops to spend time with someone, when they don't seem to be taking the effort to make time for me, then I get tired. It makes me feel like I'm wasting time and the person is too "nice" to say they just don't want to hang out with me.
I honestly would rather be told to lay off. Sure I might be hurt, but it would make me less annoyed in the end.
Don't get me wrong, as the title says I'm willing to fight, and before I stop trying I give it a good go to try and rekindle whatever it was that started, but if in the end I feel like I'm the only one fighting, then what's the point?
If I'm important, or you want me to be an important person in your life, then show me that I'm worth the effort.
I find more and more, as I grow older, that I don't have time for bullshit. I don't want meaningless friendships, nor do I want people in my life who I feel could replace me easily.
I don't think it's selfish to want to be wanted, is it?
In any relationship I start, whether it's just friends or something I want to develop into more, I don't want to be the only one trying. If I have to jump through hoops to spend time with someone, when they don't seem to be taking the effort to make time for me, then I get tired. It makes me feel like I'm wasting time and the person is too "nice" to say they just don't want to hang out with me.
I honestly would rather be told to lay off. Sure I might be hurt, but it would make me less annoyed in the end.
Don't get me wrong, as the title says I'm willing to fight, and before I stop trying I give it a good go to try and rekindle whatever it was that started, but if in the end I feel like I'm the only one fighting, then what's the point?
If I'm important, or you want me to be an important person in your life, then show me that I'm worth the effort.
December 9, 2012
Transcending Oneself
I had an interesting discussion with a friend recently about the justice system and whether it is truly just. We both disagreed, and I shared my thoughts on why that is: because the judge, jury, everyone involved is not impartial because of personal bias.
No matter who the person, as long as they are human there will be some amount of personal judgement before any fact are heard or evidence shown. It's an unfortunate byproduct of human nature and how our brains and bodies work. Scientists say that we create first impressions within the first eighteen seconds of meeting someone. Whether conscious or unconscious we've already made our mind up about them, of course only in broad strokes as it were, but we've still made a judgement based on factors that truly mean nothing. Appearance, smell, body language, all factors that are input within a matter of seconds and then fed back to us before the person even says a word.
So what about when personal prejudice comes into the mix? Wouldn't that also factor in on that first impression, but on a conscious level even? What if a judge, or members of the jury, are racist? How will that affect the outcome of the trial? In a perfect world it wouldn't. (Technically, in a perfect world those prejudices wouldn't exist in the first place.)
The problem stems from humanity's inability to look objectively at all sides of the argument and putting aside any preconceived notions that should have no bearing on the task at hand.
I may be using the example of a trial, but this would of course apply to many things. In relationships we only have words to get the point across, and if one person takes those words the wrong way than intended it could be disastrous. However, with things like interpersonal relationships it is certainly less important.
Specifically in positions of power, like a judge, specifically appointed jury, police, politician, there is a need to transcend oneself and look beyond the petty trivialities that we build our lives upon. When dealing with upholding the law, or holding another's livelihood in your hands there is a need to elevate yourself above your own personal stature.
Too bad that doesn't seem to be something you can learn so easily, if at all.
No matter who the person, as long as they are human there will be some amount of personal judgement before any fact are heard or evidence shown. It's an unfortunate byproduct of human nature and how our brains and bodies work. Scientists say that we create first impressions within the first eighteen seconds of meeting someone. Whether conscious or unconscious we've already made our mind up about them, of course only in broad strokes as it were, but we've still made a judgement based on factors that truly mean nothing. Appearance, smell, body language, all factors that are input within a matter of seconds and then fed back to us before the person even says a word.
So what about when personal prejudice comes into the mix? Wouldn't that also factor in on that first impression, but on a conscious level even? What if a judge, or members of the jury, are racist? How will that affect the outcome of the trial? In a perfect world it wouldn't. (Technically, in a perfect world those prejudices wouldn't exist in the first place.)
The problem stems from humanity's inability to look objectively at all sides of the argument and putting aside any preconceived notions that should have no bearing on the task at hand.
I may be using the example of a trial, but this would of course apply to many things. In relationships we only have words to get the point across, and if one person takes those words the wrong way than intended it could be disastrous. However, with things like interpersonal relationships it is certainly less important.
Specifically in positions of power, like a judge, specifically appointed jury, police, politician, there is a need to transcend oneself and look beyond the petty trivialities that we build our lives upon. When dealing with upholding the law, or holding another's livelihood in your hands there is a need to elevate yourself above your own personal stature.
Too bad that doesn't seem to be something you can learn so easily, if at all.
November 28, 2012
Why The 1% Aren't The 99%
"In order to make money, you have to spend money." Everyone has heard this adage before, but there's another that, when coupled with the first, makes it all the more poignant. "Everything in moderation."
A lot of people, myself included, spend too much on entertainment and the little luxuries in life. So much so that it is to the detriment of ourselves. Many have the mentality that instant gratification is the way to happiness without realizing that doing so is the whole reason for their misery.
The more you spend on entertainment the less you have to invest. As you pay more and more on the things you want, new tv, video games, movies, car, debt piles up in the background because of a lack of savings.
The 1% are the ones who best knew how to apply the two quotes above. They have self control against entertainment spending (at least they must have in the beginning) and were able to use either their debt or their own savings to get the most gain. By moderating their spending in the interim they were able to gradually increase their assets and cash.
I'm going to take the two quotes and combine them: "In order to make money, you have to spend money in the right places." A little bit more specific and relevant don't you think?
Now, I just have to get rid of my debt so I can start investing.
A lot of people, myself included, spend too much on entertainment and the little luxuries in life. So much so that it is to the detriment of ourselves. Many have the mentality that instant gratification is the way to happiness without realizing that doing so is the whole reason for their misery.
The more you spend on entertainment the less you have to invest. As you pay more and more on the things you want, new tv, video games, movies, car, debt piles up in the background because of a lack of savings.
The 1% are the ones who best knew how to apply the two quotes above. They have self control against entertainment spending (at least they must have in the beginning) and were able to use either their debt or their own savings to get the most gain. By moderating their spending in the interim they were able to gradually increase their assets and cash.
I'm going to take the two quotes and combine them: "In order to make money, you have to spend money in the right places." A little bit more specific and relevant don't you think?
Now, I just have to get rid of my debt so I can start investing.
November 16, 2012
Virtues Last Reward Review
Let me start off by saying that I love this game and it deserves a sequel. From my last post, if you've read it, you already know that I was enjoying the game and getting very involved in it. As such, instead of just an overview of the story and what I liked I'll approach this in more of a straightforward manner.
Here is a brief synopsis for the story though, so that there is some context: The main character, who you control, is named Sigma. Sigma is a young man who one day was knocked out by a mysterious man or woman named Zero and brought to an abandoned warehouse to play a game of life, death, trust and betrayal.
Throughout the game Sigma and the other eight people trapped with him must go through a series of rooms with puzzles in them, and then play a game with the partner they had in the room. In the game you have to choose to ally or betray that partner to gain points. When you have enough points the game is complete and you can escape. Lose too many points though, and you die.
Each decision makes an impact on the story, and it plays out like a choose your own adventure novel with long sequences of text with voice acting to move the plot along, and then the puzzle rooms. You have access to a flowchart of the branching paths so if you make one decision and follow it to the end you can easily go back and see what happens down the other branch.
There are multiple endings, and so you have to go through the different branches to get the most out of the overall story and get the best ending.
Story 10/10
As stated above in the synopsis, the story is a mystery. Not just a mystery about why the nine people are playing the game, or how they are tied to one another, but also about the characters themselves. They each keep secrets and know a little bit more than they're willing to let on, and so even as you learn more there are always questions unanswered.
The game genre is called a "visual novel" and with good reason. As you go through the game it's more like reading an incredibly well written novel or a really suspenseful (albeit long) movie. The writer/director of this series is brilliant and he must have either done a lot of research or had a background in science because a lot of scientific theory is woven into the narrative. I won't say that I'm the person to talk to about science, but for a layman it is an eye-opener to certain theories and speculative fiction.
There are many twists in the story, especially as you get to the end and have seen some of the endings. It doesn't really wrap things up neatly at least in the traditional sense (I won't provide details, but it leaves it open for a sequel.), but every bit of it is intriguing and makes you want to know more. It's the type of ending that fans will talk about to no end, like Sopranos rather open-ended fade to black, there will be debates. (Don't worry, that wasn't a spoiler, just an example)
If you love stories, then this is a good gateway game if you aren't a gamer. It has only like game elements, and while the puzzles can be hard there is an easy mode where the characters will give you hints if you need them.
The story is the main reason why I would recommend this game, and it's where it truly shines.
Gameplay 8/10
This is the only detriment, but not by much. As I stated above the puzzles can be hard, and often it was very convoluted to find the solutions to some of them. I didn't want to go into the easy mode simply because in order to get the best ending you need to finish it on hard. As such, I often went to a guide for how to proceed in certain areas.
This is on the 3DS, so in the puzzle spots you use the touch screen to examine the environment and find clues on how to escape the room. There are certain puzzles which require you to touch certain areas to pick up something, but it's obscured or in a corner so it's easy to miss with the poor camera controls.
It is a relatively minor gripe against an otherwise great game. The only other problem in this regard is that there are certain notes which give extra information, and on some of them the text wasn't adjusted so it runs off the screen and there's no way to scroll, but it's not important to the game to read so once again, minor.
The only major problem in the 3DS version is a game crashing bug which will corrupt the save file if you save in a certain puzzle room. It is rather inexcusable to have this sort of thing left in there, especially when we're talking about a 30 hour adventure that could be ruined in one stroke.
Graphics 9/10
The graphics are vibrant and colorful and unlike the previous game it has 3D character models so the range of motion and expressions are more detailed than before. The characters are varied and there's no way that you could mistake one for another. Different hair styles and colors, odd clothing and characteristics help bring life to them.
The rooms are detailed and also assorted enough that you could easily distinguish which room is which without any help.
The only problem I had was when I upgraded to a 3DS XL (A larger size screen than the normal one.) I really noticed how much clearer the expressions of the characters were with the larger screen. They maybe could have had the character models a little closer, but then that would have also created issues when more than one was on the screen at once. I would always recommend the XL over the regular 3DS anyway, and that is a prime example why.
Audio 10/10
This is another area where I find the game shines. The characters are all voice acted, save for the main one who you are playing as. All the actors do a wonderful job of displaying emotion and subtlety to the characters. Each one fits well and a line never feels out of place whether the character is displaying anger, curiosity, or kindness.
The music is phenomenal and another reason why the story grips me so well. Some of the music is re-hashed from the previous game, but this is not a bad thing. In fact it may have become the authors intent to drive a Pavlovian style response into those who played the first. Every time something bad happens there is a loud bang of a drum and then an eerie music plays with a sense of urgency and mystery behind it.
This is the one that comes to mind most for me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6ZBoqbupyc&feature=plcp
It's taken straight from the first game, but that only means that it's more effective in eliciting a response in the second. This music is what makes me fear the night, not you Batman.
Total Score 9/10
This game is near perfect for me, but I felt that it could have used just a bit more polish in the final release. If you want a trippy story full of awesome voice acting, writing, and mystery, then this game is for you.
Here is a brief synopsis for the story though, so that there is some context: The main character, who you control, is named Sigma. Sigma is a young man who one day was knocked out by a mysterious man or woman named Zero and brought to an abandoned warehouse to play a game of life, death, trust and betrayal.
Throughout the game Sigma and the other eight people trapped with him must go through a series of rooms with puzzles in them, and then play a game with the partner they had in the room. In the game you have to choose to ally or betray that partner to gain points. When you have enough points the game is complete and you can escape. Lose too many points though, and you die.
Each decision makes an impact on the story, and it plays out like a choose your own adventure novel with long sequences of text with voice acting to move the plot along, and then the puzzle rooms. You have access to a flowchart of the branching paths so if you make one decision and follow it to the end you can easily go back and see what happens down the other branch.
There are multiple endings, and so you have to go through the different branches to get the most out of the overall story and get the best ending.
Story 10/10
As stated above in the synopsis, the story is a mystery. Not just a mystery about why the nine people are playing the game, or how they are tied to one another, but also about the characters themselves. They each keep secrets and know a little bit more than they're willing to let on, and so even as you learn more there are always questions unanswered.
The game genre is called a "visual novel" and with good reason. As you go through the game it's more like reading an incredibly well written novel or a really suspenseful (albeit long) movie. The writer/director of this series is brilliant and he must have either done a lot of research or had a background in science because a lot of scientific theory is woven into the narrative. I won't say that I'm the person to talk to about science, but for a layman it is an eye-opener to certain theories and speculative fiction.
There are many twists in the story, especially as you get to the end and have seen some of the endings. It doesn't really wrap things up neatly at least in the traditional sense (I won't provide details, but it leaves it open for a sequel.), but every bit of it is intriguing and makes you want to know more. It's the type of ending that fans will talk about to no end, like Sopranos rather open-ended fade to black, there will be debates. (Don't worry, that wasn't a spoiler, just an example)
If you love stories, then this is a good gateway game if you aren't a gamer. It has only like game elements, and while the puzzles can be hard there is an easy mode where the characters will give you hints if you need them.
The story is the main reason why I would recommend this game, and it's where it truly shines.
Gameplay 8/10
This is the only detriment, but not by much. As I stated above the puzzles can be hard, and often it was very convoluted to find the solutions to some of them. I didn't want to go into the easy mode simply because in order to get the best ending you need to finish it on hard. As such, I often went to a guide for how to proceed in certain areas.
This is on the 3DS, so in the puzzle spots you use the touch screen to examine the environment and find clues on how to escape the room. There are certain puzzles which require you to touch certain areas to pick up something, but it's obscured or in a corner so it's easy to miss with the poor camera controls.
It is a relatively minor gripe against an otherwise great game. The only other problem in this regard is that there are certain notes which give extra information, and on some of them the text wasn't adjusted so it runs off the screen and there's no way to scroll, but it's not important to the game to read so once again, minor.
The only major problem in the 3DS version is a game crashing bug which will corrupt the save file if you save in a certain puzzle room. It is rather inexcusable to have this sort of thing left in there, especially when we're talking about a 30 hour adventure that could be ruined in one stroke.
Graphics 9/10
The graphics are vibrant and colorful and unlike the previous game it has 3D character models so the range of motion and expressions are more detailed than before. The characters are varied and there's no way that you could mistake one for another. Different hair styles and colors, odd clothing and characteristics help bring life to them.
The rooms are detailed and also assorted enough that you could easily distinguish which room is which without any help.
The only problem I had was when I upgraded to a 3DS XL (A larger size screen than the normal one.) I really noticed how much clearer the expressions of the characters were with the larger screen. They maybe could have had the character models a little closer, but then that would have also created issues when more than one was on the screen at once. I would always recommend the XL over the regular 3DS anyway, and that is a prime example why.
Audio 10/10
This is another area where I find the game shines. The characters are all voice acted, save for the main one who you are playing as. All the actors do a wonderful job of displaying emotion and subtlety to the characters. Each one fits well and a line never feels out of place whether the character is displaying anger, curiosity, or kindness.
The music is phenomenal and another reason why the story grips me so well. Some of the music is re-hashed from the previous game, but this is not a bad thing. In fact it may have become the authors intent to drive a Pavlovian style response into those who played the first. Every time something bad happens there is a loud bang of a drum and then an eerie music plays with a sense of urgency and mystery behind it.
This is the one that comes to mind most for me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6ZBoqbupyc&feature=plcp
It's taken straight from the first game, but that only means that it's more effective in eliciting a response in the second. This music is what makes me fear the night, not you Batman.
Total Score 9/10
This game is near perfect for me, but I felt that it could have used just a bit more polish in the final release. If you want a trippy story full of awesome voice acting, writing, and mystery, then this game is for you.
October 27, 2012
Virtue's Last Reward Makes Me Afraid of the Dark
A while back, I posted a review of a game that I absolutely loved. It was the only review that I've done on my blog, and the reason for it was because I had to. It was so amazing that I couldn't let it go without giving it the justice of a glowing recommendation.
Here is the link if you want to read it: http://jeremymab.blogspot.ca/2011/01/9-hours-9-persons-9-doors-review.html
The sequel came out recently, and once more I find myself staying up late playing the game into the wee hours of the morning and not realising hour many hours have passed.
I'm also scared to turn off the lights after I'm done playing the game.
The story, for those of you not initiated, is about nine people who are kidnapped and put in a secret location to play a game called "The Nonary Game." Similar to the first game, it revolves around the number nine. The goal relies in the bracelets that the players have. Each has a number on the face, and the goal is to get that number up to 9 so that that person can escape.
The way to get more points is by playing another game within the game called "Ambidex." The ambidex game forces pairs of the players to choose to 'ally' or 'betray' the other person in their group. If both partners ally, then they both gain points. If both betray, no one gains points. But, if one person allys, and the other betrays, then the one who betrayed gains points while the one who allied loses points.
I know what you're thinking: "Well, so what if you lose points, you'll gain them back later." I say to thee, losing points is the worst thing that can happen, as if you reach zero points, you die. Trust is an important factor in the game.
Now you're probably thinking "Why is it so hard to trust everyone? They're all stuck in the game together, so why not everyone choose ally?"
It's because of two factors: One: the person who kidnapped everyone, aptly named Zero like the first game, is amongst those playing the game. Someone in the group is the person who kidnapped everyone and put them in the game of death they're playing. And Two: There's a killer on the loose, who may not be Zero, nor anyone participating in the game. The person you pair with could be out to kill you, and if you ally while they betray, then you'll be put in a position where you could die.
The killer on the loose is what is so far getting me. I've played a few hours so far, and gotten a few of the bad endings. People have started to die, and not as part of the game rules where their bracelet went to zero points. Someone's going around and stabbing people.
The music changes when people start dying, and because some of the music is recycled from the previous game it makes all those old feelings come back. I get tense when the music changes, I frown when something happens that confuses me, and when the players are in a room examining bodies I can't help but think that the killer could be right behind them and is going to stab them in the back when they're not looking.
The feeling of tension and like something is just around the corner is better than any horror movie I've seen. I'm two steps away from jumping at shadows, and I swear if someone opened my door randomly while I was playing the game my heart might leap out of my chest from fright.
It's that good at pulling you in. Or at least me.
I'm not finished the game, so this isn't the review of it, it's just a retelling of the feelings I have so far. I'll do a full review after I'm done, and since I've explained a little bit of the gameplay already I won't have to with it.
For now I'm going to enjoy a game that truly scares the shit out of me.
Here is the link if you want to read it: http://jeremymab.blogspot.ca/2011/01/9-hours-9-persons-9-doors-review.html
The sequel came out recently, and once more I find myself staying up late playing the game into the wee hours of the morning and not realising hour many hours have passed.
I'm also scared to turn off the lights after I'm done playing the game.
The story, for those of you not initiated, is about nine people who are kidnapped and put in a secret location to play a game called "The Nonary Game." Similar to the first game, it revolves around the number nine. The goal relies in the bracelets that the players have. Each has a number on the face, and the goal is to get that number up to 9 so that that person can escape.
The way to get more points is by playing another game within the game called "Ambidex." The ambidex game forces pairs of the players to choose to 'ally' or 'betray' the other person in their group. If both partners ally, then they both gain points. If both betray, no one gains points. But, if one person allys, and the other betrays, then the one who betrayed gains points while the one who allied loses points.
I know what you're thinking: "Well, so what if you lose points, you'll gain them back later." I say to thee, losing points is the worst thing that can happen, as if you reach zero points, you die. Trust is an important factor in the game.
Now you're probably thinking "Why is it so hard to trust everyone? They're all stuck in the game together, so why not everyone choose ally?"
It's because of two factors: One: the person who kidnapped everyone, aptly named Zero like the first game, is amongst those playing the game. Someone in the group is the person who kidnapped everyone and put them in the game of death they're playing. And Two: There's a killer on the loose, who may not be Zero, nor anyone participating in the game. The person you pair with could be out to kill you, and if you ally while they betray, then you'll be put in a position where you could die.
The killer on the loose is what is so far getting me. I've played a few hours so far, and gotten a few of the bad endings. People have started to die, and not as part of the game rules where their bracelet went to zero points. Someone's going around and stabbing people.
The music changes when people start dying, and because some of the music is recycled from the previous game it makes all those old feelings come back. I get tense when the music changes, I frown when something happens that confuses me, and when the players are in a room examining bodies I can't help but think that the killer could be right behind them and is going to stab them in the back when they're not looking.
The feeling of tension and like something is just around the corner is better than any horror movie I've seen. I'm two steps away from jumping at shadows, and I swear if someone opened my door randomly while I was playing the game my heart might leap out of my chest from fright.
It's that good at pulling you in. Or at least me.
I'm not finished the game, so this isn't the review of it, it's just a retelling of the feelings I have so far. I'll do a full review after I'm done, and since I've explained a little bit of the gameplay already I won't have to with it.
For now I'm going to enjoy a game that truly scares the shit out of me.
