Ellen Bryant Lloyd's Blog, page 4

Touch the Sand

On a recent vacation with my family, I noticed a little girl playing on the beach.  She was adorable, with bright eyes and a permanent smile.  Her mom told me that she had just turned one, and was all about exploring the world.  Several days later, I watched the little girl as she walked down the beach holding her father's hand.  She walked along the water's edge, squealing each time the water gently lapped her feet.

As they walked, I noticed that the little girl constantly reached down and tried to touch the sand.  Each time she came close, but her father, unaware of her efforts, gently pulled her little body upright and continued their walk.  Determined, the little girl continued to reach, each time being pulled away.  Two things struck me with this scenario. First, the little girl kept that sweet smile on her face the entire time, and second, she never gave up trying.  She was curious and wanted to touch the sand.  Her dad, however, was oblivious to her intentions, and continued along with the walk.  He never looked down at her to see what she was pulling towards.

When the two returned to their beach chairs, the dad dropped his daughter's hand and joined the rest of his family in conversation.  I watched as the little girl instantly dropped her body so her hands could finally delve deep into the sand that she had so diligently tried to touch.  Within seconds she was squealing with delight, and playing with the sand as though it was the most exciting experience she had ever had.  Still, the father or any other adult around her never noticed.

This  reminded me of how the world viewed through our children's eyes is much different from our own adult perspective.  Children recognize the beauty and excitement of the simplest things.  They aren't deterred by a simple "no" when they are drawn by their curiosity to explore or experience something new.  They are naturally filled with joy and appreciation for the world around them.  How quickly we, as adults, fail to realize this and pull them back into our "real world" and on to the next task.

My takeaway from this was to step back and allow my children to touch the sand, literally and figuratively.  If we all did this, maybe we could also have a permanent smile on our faces and live a more joyful life.  Let's all try to view the world, if just for a few moments a day, through the eyes of a child.

Raising our Children to Strive for Greatness like MLK

Today is Martin Luther King Day.  My husband has always considered Dr. King one of his heroes, and admired all that he did for our country.  I didn't know this about him until our first year of marriage.  First thing in the morning on Martin Luther King Day, my husband emerged from the home office with a book and began reciting, in full theatrical mode, the "I Have a Dream" speech.  After being momentarily perplexed, I listened.  Although I had heard it many times before, to hear it in this manner definitely gave it a different perspective.

After my husband's presentation, we discussed Martin Luther King, Jr. and his thoughts on how King impacted our nation.  Although I had always admired the man and what he stood for, I had an even better appreciation for him after adding my husband's insights as well.  Each year since then, we laugh about my husband's annual oratory, but all of us listen and inevitably a good discussion ensues.

Today as I anticipate my husband's presentation, I think about Dr. King and the true impact he made on our society.  His life was short by today's measures of time, but the difference he made was equivalent to those twice his age.  I also think about how I can truly make a difference in this world, and how I can instill in my children the desire to do so as well.

As a parent, I feel if I can raise happy, healthy, moral children that have strong values, treat others well, and strive to do good things in this world, then I will be a success.

On Twitter this morning, I read a tweet from Education.com that had a link to ideas of things to do with children to help celebrate the life of Martin Luther King, Jr..  I invite you to take a look at them  http://bit.ly/gvlgIt .  Who knows, maybe you are raising a son or daughter that will one day make as much of an impact on our world as Dr. King.

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Resolutions

The first day of the new year almost always brings resolutions, or at least the talk of them.  As an adult I have never been much of a resolution person, mainly because I never keep them.  Even as a child I would make a long list of things I wanted to do or do differently for the new year, but as most people, the list would be forgotten a few days or weeks into the new year.  I finally decided in my early 20′s that I would no longer attempt resolutions, then I wouldn't feel bad if/when I didn't keep them.

I saw a Facebook post from one of my childhood friends regarding her 5 year old son's New Year's resolution to go to bed earlier.  She commented on the fact that her son was so excited that no one else in his class had this same resolution.  Too cute.   Later she posted that it was January 6, and he, like most adults,  had already forgotten about his resolution.

I did make a "kinda" resolution on January 1, but didn't call it that.  I tweeted to encourage people to make a resolution to spend more time with their children, and be truly present with them.  My intention was to also do this myself.  I hope that I do this more than not, but I realize that the busyness of life sometimes prevents me from doing it as often as I would like.

Since my "resolution" tweet, I have spent a lot of good time with my children, and I feel like I have been more present, meaning I wasn't doing two other things when I was with them (I live the multi-tasking stereotype of moms at times).  We have played lots of games, watched many family movies, and read together.

We had a "big" snow of 3 inches the other day, and my children went sledding down the little hill in our front yard.  They appeared to be having a good time, but then I asked if I could join in with the extra sled (aka plastic saucer).  They both gave me a resounding, "YES!"  I noted that as I made my runs down the hill, both children seemed to be more animated and enjoying the outdoor fun much more than they were before I joined in.  They engaged me in races and other creative ways of going down the short hill, often ending in one, then both children "falling" on me in a group tumble/hug.  My daughter said that she was having the most fun ever, now that I was out there with them.

Sometimes I think my children don't want me around as much the older they get.  I think this snow experience redirected my thinking.  While they do need space to spread their ever-growing wings, they still like playing and having me engaged in activity with them.  This confirms to me that my "resolution" for 2011 is a good one.  Here's to a great 2011, full of fun with my children!

Priceless.

My son spent last week at an outdoor classroom along with the rest of his middle school classmates. For four days they camped in shelters made by the children and learned valuable lessons of living in community with each other.  The large group was divided into three different tribes, and each child was assigned certain jobs for their tribe.  My son, a member of the Otter tribe,  told me that his first choice was to be responsible for fire.  He got this job, and was thrilled.  He actually looked forward to waking each morning at 4:30 am to gather firewood with the other "fire" people.  No adult woke them.  They were responsible for getting themselves up and out, and having the fires, both for warmth and food, ready to go by the time the other Otters woke for the day.

He loved his time at the land, and was especially proud of his fire making ability.  He spent most of the way home telling me about making fire and all the stories surrounding each fire.  I had decided earlier that day to purchase a portable fire pit, and shared this with him on the way home.  To say he was excited was an understatement.

He immediately asked if he could make the fire, and could we please have s'mores, too.  His sister chimed in and thought it was a great idea, and asked if she could help make the fire.  We purchased the fire pit, pulled into the garage, and both children dashed out of the car and ran to the backyard.  When I asked them what they were doing, they said, "Well, we have to gather firewood, you know, if we are going to have a fire."  A few minutes later, I observed them in the back patio area breaking up sticks and talking about how to build a fire.

Later, after the fire pit was ably assembled by my husband, assisted by  me, our children went to work on the fire.  My son took over the construction of the fire, arranging the sticks in a particular pattern.  He explained that he had learned this technique from an older tribe member.  He also shared why it was effective, and what he needed to do to really get a good fire going and keep it going.

A half hour later, the four of us were gathered around the new fire pit, roasting marshmallows for s'mores, and having a great family moment.  My son was beaming over the success of his fire, and of course, loving the s'mores.

Portable fire pit $29, ingredients for s'mores $9, evening outside with kids: priceless. Enjoy the Fall and your children.

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OK to Dream the Impossible Dream?

Do we let children keep hope of having the impossible happen, or "prepare" them by telling them that it won't?  I asked myself this question the other day as my daughter anticipated the posting of the cast list for our local ballet's production of the Nutcracker.  This was the first year she was eligible to audition, and she was beyond excited.

While driving to the audition, I told her to do her best and have fun.  I also reminded her that if it didn't work out this year, that it would be great experience just to audition.  She said, "Don't worry Mom, I will be fine.  It will work out.  I just know it."

At the end of the audition time, I was met at the door by a steady stream of  young girls, all with smiles on their faces.  A good sign!  My daughter's  first words to me were, "I auditioned for Clara!"  Clara?  Clara is a main role in the production.  I had never heard of an eight year old being cast as Clara.

At home, she asked if she could re-enact her audition for us.  We assembled into our family room and watched our daughter perform each part of her audition.  At last, she asked, "Do you want me to show you how I tried out for Clara?"  We said, "Sure!"

Although we thought she did a marvelous job,  I couldn't imagine they would cast her as Clara, and wondered why they let all the younger girls try out for this role.  I asked my daughter if she thought that Clara should be played by someone older that danced en pointe, to which she replied, "They said that a child would be Clara this year, and you never know who might be the best for the part.  They said we could audition if we wanted to, so most of us did.  I might be Clara, Mom, you  never know!"

Was she right?  I knew that there was a less than slim chance that she would get the part of Clara, but would it be wrong of me to "prepare" her by telling her that an older girl would most likely get the part?  Should I allow her to dream of the possibilities, and not give her a dose of the real world?  This posed a real dilemma for me as a parent.  In the end, my husband and I decided to not "squash" her hope, and allowed her to keep dreaming of being cast in any role.

Right before finding out the cast list, my daughter said she didn't care what part she got, she would be excited to have any part.  She also said that since she was starting so young, maybe one day she might be good enough to be chosen to play Clara.

I realized then that I didn't need to "prepare" her after all.  She already knew all that she needed to know, and dreaming the seemingly impossible dream was really okay.

By the way, she was cast as one of the little soldiers.  She has been walking around as an excited little soldier ever since!

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