Phil Sanderson's Blog, page 4

The Pranks of Errol Flynn!

Many of those in today’s generation have never heard of Errol Flynn simply because they do not have nor have ever had an appreciation of the truest film classics made back in the Golden Age of movie making! ��But those who do are almost certain to have heard of him. ��They will likely know that he was the first — and in my humble opinion GREATEST — Robin Hood on film as well as perhaps the greatest on-screen Swashbuckler.

But his truest fans know that he acted most — if not all — of his own stunts and was actually a true-life adventurer (with experience battling head-hunters [not the corporate type who try to find people for jobs!] and actually took a spear through one of his ankles!) prior to taking up the acting mantle. ��But even more amusing, most have probably never known that in addition to women, food, and drink, one of his favorite pastimes was playing pranks and enjoying a good laugh with his most cherished friends!

So, here, I have detailed some of his most legendary pranks which may or may not be true (but most likely are!).

Duck, Duck, Goose! ��The earliest prank that he played as a child may or may not have been as much a prank as it was a strange fascination with the digestive system of a goose. ��But Errol Flynn described it in his autobiography, My Wicked, Wicked Ways. ��His father was a professor while they were living in Tasmania as Errol was but a lad. ��While the old man was away, Errol decided to tie one end of an extremely long string to a piece of bread and feed it to one of several geese. ��Knowing that the bread would come back out the other end relatively quickly, he waited for the string to reveal itself. ��So — yet again — he tied another piece of bread to the same end and fed it to another goose. ��After retrieving the end once more, he kept repeating this sequence until he had several geese on one string and eventually tied the two ends together finishing up with a literal ring of living geese flapping around quite crazily. ��He wrote that his dad was so pissed when he got home that he smacked the boy on the head with his umbrella calling him something like a “little devil”.
Corrupting��the Children! ������ Errol was close friends with Lou Costello��(one half of the ever-so-famous comedy acting duo Abbott and Costello). ��The chubby comedian was famous for his generous nature toward the community which included letting children come to his home and watch cartoon footage on a film projector. ��However, he got in a little bit of trouble with some parents after the witty Errol Flynn replaced one of the reels with stag footage!
Weekend at Bernies? ��One rumored prank of Errol’s involved a dead party guest at poolside at Flynn’s lavish mansion. ��Apparently, the actor made his rounds and came to what appeared to be a drunk, passed out guest. ��But when the late actor shrugged him, checked his pulse, and discovered he was dead, the Aussie actor decided to have a little fun with the body prior to calling the authorities. ��When a swarm of gorgeous women came up, throwing themselves at him, he asked them for a favor in “cheering up one of his drunk buddies”. ��They naturally obliged but eventually evacuated��the premises scarred for life after having chummed up so closely to a corpse.
Bottoming Bette! ��Also detailed in his autobiography was a prank he played on Bette Davis that was immortalized in a movie they did together called The Private Lives of Elisabeth and Essex. ��It all started when the actress, known for being very snobbish, uppity, and demanding, struck Errol several times with a hand loaded down with costume jewelry in a scene that called for her to do so. ��Apparently, the director, Michael Curtiz, wasn’t convinced or maybe just enjoyed watching the surely��actor getting his ass handed to him by the petite legendary actress. ��But after several takes, he had finally called for a break. ��During this break, Flynn went to her dressing room and suggested that she feign the strike, not really hitting him, but doing so at a convincing angle for the cameras. ��Supposedly, the actress replied to him, telling him that she was a professional actress and she would do it “her” way. ��Flynn departed angrily and commenced to becoming nauseated in his upset state. ��Decisively, he stormed back to her dressing room and threatened that if she hit him again he would pretty much turn her into her own red carpet. ��When it was time to redo the scene the actress did as Flynn had suggested and the director had been fully satisfied with it and decided to keep the scene. ��The prank he played on her did not come until they shot the ending sequence, which was only supposed to show the two of them together in a happy moment. ��But Errol Flynn overrode the script by raising his massive hand in the air and bringing it down hard and quick on Bette’s million-dollar ass! ��The impact was so great that it lifted her off the ground! ��The director, to Bette Davis’s dismay, also decided to keep that scene the way it was. ��So when you watch the end of the film, you can see that vengeful prank in all its full glory!

Certainly, there were many more of these pranks. ��But these were certainly the most legendary, with one possible exception…one where Errol Flynn himself was the hapless victim.

Errol Flynn had been mentored by the late, great John Barrymore. ��And it only stands to reason that he was deeply saddened by the elder actor’s passing. ��Several of his buddies decided to acquire the famous��actor’s body for perhaps the greatest prank played in Hollywood, if not the sickest. ��They set up the actor’s body in Flynn’s study prior to his coming back home after a long night of drinking. ��Unfortunately, Flynn was traumatized upon his arrival, even though the prank was highly successfully played out.

How to Get 250 Pounds of Shit into a 10-Pound Bag!

Some people need to be really honest with themselves.

…really, really, really, REALLY, REALLY honest with themselves.

I have nothing against people being overweight. ��After all, I am more than 50 pounds overweight myself. ��I have sense enough to know that I cannot fit into the same clothes I used to fit into when I was 25 years younger, and a studly Marine at that! ��The image I would convey in that clothing would be laughable at best…just like the picture I have posted above.

I shared this picture on my personal Facebook page (philsanderson1967 for those of you who wish to befriend me on Facebook); and some of the most hilarious comments started rolling in. ��The purpose of this article is to share the humor. ��And if you happen to be the poor, ignorant soul in the above picture, please forgive me for having a little fun at your expense. ��But you kinda brought this one on yourself when you literally squeezed miraculously into those hootchy shorts.

I originally posted: ����Oh! So THAT’S how to get 200 pounds of shit into a 10-pound bag.

My wife posted: ��Omg! And I was about to eat breakfast! Barf!

I replied: ��How can I maintain my composure as I helplessly shake that image of that poor example of poor fashion — tramp-stamp and all! — out of my poor noggin’?

My friend, Jason, stated: ��That took a lot of butter to get those shorts on.

My friend, Mike, simply posted a pic that couldn’t have conveyed his feelings.

My friend and loyal reader, Pam, commented: ��I would have had to called the police for indecent exposure. That is just nasty. Some people need mirrors that will tell them not no but hell no!

My friend, Robert, typed, “Ha” and posted the following picture:

My friend, Sean, posted: ��Dang…. one good fart and those shorts are gone!!!!!

As you can see, this post managed to gather some pretty interesting remarks from a bunch of Facebook friends who clearly were not impressed at all by the lack of fashion sense of our unknowing customer. ��My wife also posted the same photo and got quite a bit more remarks, too many to actually list here. ��Here are some of the funnier ones:

And to think she’s ordering food.
Those poor shorts.
You mean, this doesn’t make you want a muffin?

Walking behind her should warrant hazardous duty.
It’s a commercial for the world’s strongest zipper!!!! Or button!!!

So if you are a person of questionable fashion capability, please keep all these comments in mind before you show more of your body than you REALLY need to.

Note: ��No cotton was utterly destroyed during the writing of this article; though it most certainly wished it had never come into being! ��

Understanding is Not ‘ASS’epting

How many of you work with people that you have to listen to? ��And of these people that you have to listen to, how many of them think they know what they are doing but simply just don’t have a clue?

Nothing is more irritating than failing because the people responsible over you simply will not LISTEN to you.

In my humble opinion, one of the top 10 best books ever written is the late Dr. Stephen R. Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. ��Please notice the habit that I have highlighted out of the entire list:

Habit One: ��Be Proactive

Habit Two: ��Begin with the End in Mind

Habit Three: ��Keep First Things First

Habit Four: ��Think Win – Win

Habit Five: ��Seek First to Understand, Then Be Understood

Habit Six: ��Synergize

Habit Seven: ��Sharpen the Saw

Maybe one of these days, I will post about all 7 Habits, keeping it brief enough that you don’t bust your laptop up with your head after having fallen asleep next to that cup of coffee you may not have finished along with such a long article. ��But right now, I simply highlight this��particular habit, because it is one that many of those leaders — legendary in their own minds — somehow miss the bus on.

I’ll give you a perfect example. ��I have worked for leaders who have watched me fail over and over again at the same task. ��I’ve asked for their help in obtaining training to improve the specific task, and they pretend that I never even bothered to ask. ��Then, eventually, I end up getting written up for poor work performance in that task.

First of all, and foremost, a REAL leader CARES about and RESPECTS his people. ��Caring and respecting, in my humble opinion, means taking the time to get to know each and every one of your fellow workers. ��If something seems to be bothering one of them, simply ask them if everything is okay. ��And when they answer, don’t allow yourself to become sidetracked by your own personal thoughts and concerns. ��FOCUS on THEM. ��Don’t just PRETEND to care…REALLY CARE! ��Find a way to alleviate their concerns. ��If they are having family problems, suggest they take some time off from work if they can afford to do so. ��BE supportive to the VERY BEST of your ability.

Some of us, by nature, may be selfish; but if we exercise this level of care, time, and attention to others time and time again, our efforts will eventually become legitimate, transforming us from a self-centered brat into something much more meaningful in the lives of others, not just our own minds as is the case with many ineffective leaders in the professional world.

You have some who are simply too old school to understand this. ��They fool themselves into thinking: ��If they are terrified of me, they will perform their jobs and tasks out of fear of punishment that may even include termination of employment. ��They simply do not see the forest for all the trees. ��They fail to see that, even if these people — simply trying to survive to feed their families and make a fair wage — end up getting fired, there are other employers who are more fair and��will hire them, succeeding in tapping the very resources that these other ass-hats were too dumb and inconsiderate��to fully access.

Dr. Covey also directed attention to a philosophical thinker named Goethe who said: �����If you treat an individual as he is, he will remain how he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.���

If these idiots would take the time to extract their heads from their over-stretched asses, then they would actually realize that all of this makes PERFECT sense. ��If they would stop TERRORIZING their subordinates and instead start EMPATHIZING with them, then they would reap so much more from them! ��Most important of all, they will have earned the best thing from them that even money cannot buy: ��THEIR DEEPEST AND MOST SINCERE RESPECT!

Raw, Raving Review: Taken 3

[Spoiler Warning!]

Age does not seem to be stopping Liam Neeson from kicking on-screen booty! ��If anything, it seems as if it adds to his teen angst and serves to make any male viewer even think once about ever crossing the actor.

The plot for this particular sequel is a bit of a downer as the main character, Bryan Mills, ends up losing his ex-wife, Lenore (Famke Janssen), in a bizarre murder in which he had been framed. ��The two of them, throughout the series, have had a roller coaster of feelings for each other, so the scene plays out really tragically.

As a result, the police — led by Franck Dotzler (Forest Whitaker) — are on his heels throughout the entire first part of the film. ��But Mills remains one step ahead and only gets captured when he wants to be.

Maggie Grace returns once again to reprise her roll as Mill’s daughter, Kim, who is now pregnant and very terrified, not only because of her new life situation but also dealing with the tragedy of her mom.

There are also a host of baddies in this one. ��Dougray Scott portrays Stuart St. John, Lenore’s husband who actually had the cahones to request that our dark hero stop having any type of contact with his wife due to the couple’s marital difficulties. ��But the viewers can easily see that Bryan and Lenore clearly still loved each other before they died.

This movie has a nice plot, complete with a twist that — even though it was quite predictable — seemed to create a cool sort of tension and anxiety for all viewers to enjoy.

There were some parts of the film that moved a bit slowly; but this was expected, due to the tragic nature of the story. ��The only thing I wasn’t completely happy with about this sequel was the ending. ��To me, I did not feel at all satisfied. ��But I can understand, because they left it open for yet another sequel. ��No one can really fault the producers for chalking one up for job security, can they? ��After all, we live in a world where nothing is certain except death and taxes. ��And it appears that Mr. Neeson is fully capable of delivering both on and off screen.

January Piece Uncovered: Girl on the Highway Cover Reveal

For more information on Phil Sanderson’s An Interstate Ghost Story: The Girl on the Highway, visit the author’s Official Website.

In a Perfect World…

In a perfect world, we would all be in good health and working in perfect jobs! ��I, for one, would be a bestselling author on the New York Times list and would be a poster board of perfect mental health.

My case has always been very tricky. ��I am an adult living with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. ��I have had an average of no less than one job a year, since I got my first job in 1985. ��And when I have tried to get understanding about my fine mess I’m in, I’ve been told several times: ��“Phil, you cannot use A.D.H.D. as a crutch.” ��The truth of the matter is that if I had been using it as a crutch, I would have shoved it so far up their asses that no other crutch would ever help them to walk again!

Chief among my problems are inability to concentrate for long periods of time; I also tend to be very impulsive (in one case it got me fired!); I am extremely forgetful; I tend to misplace things (and this makes me look very irresponsible when serving as a manager!); I also tend to misread my work schedules, and one time failed to show up as scheduled; and most tragically, most of the time��when a supervisor gives me instructions, I somehow end up not comprehending all of it and totally butchering the whole task. ��All of this, in combination really serves to make me look like an unprofessional idiot.

Some people talk so fast that I think to myself — SLOW DOWN, I’M NOT GETTING ANY OF THIS! ��Social situations are awkward for me when I see someone I’ve recently met. ��Because I cannot remember their names, I am unable to make an introduction. ��So I instead say to my wife or daughter: ��“I’d love to introduce you to that person over there, but I cannot remember his name.”

All of these are common symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. ��And sure as bird-shit on a windshield wiper, I HAVE IT, DAMMIT!

In two most recent cases, I’ve had a doctor at the Veterans Affairs hospital in Montgomery, Alabama and one of my bosses��both tell me: ��“Phil, you are able to write books; you do not have any real problems.”

Saying that I do not have ADHD, is like someone saying that Beethoven��wasn’t really deaf, since he continued to compose music after becoming so. ��It’s, without a doubt, sheer stupidity, ignorance, and severe lack of empathy for those less fortunate. ��People with conditions and disabilities learn to adapt to their situation. ��But they are still at a severe disadvantage even after doing so.

Sure, I wrote a book! ��But even to this day, I can find sentences that I could have written better. ��It took me several drafts before I finally got it write (which is not totally uncommon for most writers, since none of us are perfect). ��But at one point in my plot line for 2018: An Uncivil War, I forgot a minor detail that caused me a major amount of revision that took a couple of weeks to straighten out. ��Another key difference between succeeding in a normal day-by-day job and writing a book is that — as a new writer who is not making much at all off my��writing — a book does not possess the ability to fire me, taking away whatever key source of income I��have coming into my��household. ��A book is a lot more flexible. ��I can reread it, and change it as necessary. ��When I make a major mistake at work, it is not as easy to correct. ��And bosses have a much better memory than the books I write. ��So all I can do is try to do the best I can in spite of myself.

Sure! ��I have many different coping mechanisms. ��For example, I habitually try to keep��things I use frequently in the same place at all times when I am not using them. ��When I first meet a person, I try to repeat their names several times when talking to them in hopes that it will stick in my head and come to me when I see their face again in the future. ��Sometimes, if something is important enough, I may put a shoe in my bathroom sink to remind me that I have to address it. ��And sometimes I have to make myself finish a task before moving on to something else.

Basically, being a person with this condition is like being a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.

I can take medication to eliminate much of this static; Vyvanse works the best for me, by far. ��But even then, there will still be one or two symptoms that will manage to slip in to rear their ugly heads once more.

So, if you are responsible for or to someone — maybe a worker or a family member — with any type of attention deficit disorder, please don’t accuse them of using it as a crutch. ��Life already sucks enough for them because of this condition; no need to add insult to injury. ��Instead, try to be more understanding and accommodating. ��If you do so, I truly believe God will bless you for it in the end.

2014 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,600 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 43 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Free Pirates Theme Pack!

The pirates of legend have always been a very interesting lot, unlike those clowns in Somalia…they are only wanna-be’s!  The new year also happens to see the second season of a television show of which I am very fond:  Black Sails!

Celebrate the New Year with this new Pirates Theme pack I have just created for Windows 8 and 8.1!  You can download it here:

http://tinyurl.com/k9rdfnr

Christmas Tradition Sanderson-Style!

Well Christmas of 2014 is finally upon us!  I can only imagine that most of you probably feel the same way as me about the energy of Christmas.  It always seemed to be more fun as a kid.

I have a 13-year-old daughter who — of course — no longer believes in the physical existence of Santa Claus.  So I never sneak aroundf placing gifts under or around the tree as she sleeps during the early hours of Christmas mornings.  I no longer take a couple of bites of the cookie that used to be left for Santa on a saucer next to a glass of milk that I would usually end up pouring down the drain (since room-temperature milk just simply does not seem that great!).  And we no longer take her to see Santa in the malls.  No, Isabella is a bit too old for that.

I guess I used to do these things for her and my step-daughters because they were things that I used to enjoy as a kid.  Part of me did it all because I wanted to give them the same sense of Christmas enjoyment that I used to get from my parents.  The other part of me feels the obligation to do so as part of a family tradition.  And I hope that my daughter and step-daughters end up following suit as well.

But the fun I derived as a parent could not compare to what it was as a child.  I remember my Mom rushing me off to bed.  Sometimes, I would wake up in the middle of the night and try to bust Santa putting the gifts under the tree.  But it would all be the same as it had been before I went to bed.  Sometime after I returned to bed and later woke up, my mother would have worked her Christmas magic of adding all of “Santa’s gifts” to those that were already under the tree.

I also remember huge family gatherings with not only my grandparents, but also aunts, uncles, and cousins!  Massive amounts of food (turkey and dressing, jellied cranberry, ham, black-eyed peas, mashed potatoes and gravy, green-bean casserole, broiled cabbage, sweet potatos, and other such fine fixings!) would be spread about the center of my grandmother’s large, cherry-wood table.  Chairs would be brought in from other rooms and sometimes other homes.  We kids would always sit in the living room on the floor, eating at the coffee table.  The sounds of Elvis’s Christmas music would be playing in the background.  My grandmother was a HUGE Elvis fan as we all lived in Memphis at the time.  My personal favorite was Blue Christmas.

My cousins and I would joke around.  I remember one time making fun of my grandfather behind his back (he tended to always be a grumpy stick in the mud).  His teeth had fallen out; when he would eat Christmas dinner, it was funny to watch his lower jawbone almost go completely up into his sinal cavity!  I pointed it out to my big brother and sister and my cousins before I started imitating it myself.  We all laughed and were quite merry at these events, the way we were supposed to be.

I remember some of my all-time favorite toys I got for Christmas as a kid, all of them now misplaced and gone.  A Star Trek transporter and the Captain Kirk and Mister Spock action figures that came with it that would fit in the transport chamber; a Back-Trac remote controlled futuristic tank; a die-cast replica of James Bond’s Aston Martin DB-V, complete with gadgets like the bullet-proof pop-up shield, front-mounted machine guns,  and a working ejector seat (complete with the Korean fellow who always flew out of the top of it!); a Merlin electronic toy that allowed me to play memory games, tick-tack-toe, and a bunch of other cool activities.  I remember the joy of handing the gifts out to each family member to whom it was tagged; and most importantly, I remember opening my own gifts!

I also remember riding my new bike around the neighborhood with my friends as we all enjoyed celebrating the daytime hours afterward.  I would go over to their house, see what all they got; and they would do the same with me.

Yes, Christmas was always much more fun as a kid.  But as I got older, I suddenly realized that Santa was not the reason for Christmas; it’s Jesus!  It was all about honoring his birth — the fact that he was born to a virgin mother only to be crucified when he reached his 30s…all so that sinners like you and me could be forgiven our sins by God and accepted into Heaven.

In my eyes, there is nothing wrong with getting caught up in the fun of Christmas; but let’s not remember the TRUE reason for CHRISTmas.

The Saint Who Stole Christmas: Children’s Edition

For good, clean fun in reading this Christmas, please check out “The Saint Who Stole Christmas: Children’s Edition”. http://ow.ly/GehO3 For more information, please visit http://ow.ly/GehTK