Reba Linker's Blog, page 14
April 23, 2015
Manifesting Magic
When I released The Little Book of Manifesting Big! about a year ago, a dear friend wrote to me so full of excitement that her words practically danced off the page: “This is so awesome, Reba! I just put in my order [to the universe] for [this amount] by [this date], in order to pay […]
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March 19, 2015
Author Reba Linker To Offer No Charge Copies Of Her Latest Inspirational Book For Women, ‘The Little Book Of Manifesting Big’
woo hoo – The Little Book of Manifesting Big! is in the news! “Author Reba Linker has announced she will be giving away copies of her latest inspirational book for women, ‘The Little Book Of Manifesting Big’…Reba Linker puts forth the timeless message that it is of utmost importance to ‘trust yourself, know yourself and […]
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I’m Here!
HELLO! I have been gone for months and it has felt like a lifetime. It has been a long, long, long (get the idea?) saga of revamping my website. It seemed like an easy enough project, but then it took on a life of its own, with a rhythm of its own. Anyone here know […]
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August 19, 2014
The Fruits of Summer 2014
Let’s fill up on the fruits of summer! Here’s what I’ve been up to:
I am soooo excited to be creating my first course: “IMAGINE! 30 Days of Self Love.” There will be a daily video with an inspirational quote from Follow the Yarn, as well as a daily journaling and put-it-into-practice exercises. It will be both an e-course and a live, participatory course, and I am so looking forward to going through the course with you.
With that, I have been scaling a steep learning curve over how to technically deliver the course. It is funny to be in such a people-oriented profession, and yet spend so much time learning technical tools. Life is full of surprises.
I am thrilled to announce that my new book, Happiness is a Habit, is in its (I hope) final revising stage. My first beta-reader will be giving me feedback tomorrow – wow! I am excited, grateful, and my heart is in my mouth! Our creative projects are indeed like our babies. I hope to give birth, er, publish in January 2015.
I have been cultivating peace at home, and peace within my own heart. My teacher Shanta once said that wisdom is sometimes simply being too tired to fight, and that is what is happening to me. I just do not have any energy for strife, and that is a good thing. Still, knowing how challenging it can be to walk away from an argument or find a peaceful solution, my heart goes out to those all over the world who are struggling with conflict under much more dire circumstances. I wish them the courage that true peace requires and, mostly, I wish them peace.
The photos are the fruits of my little NYC garden. It has been a good year for cherries, peaches, raspberries and blackberries, and the pears are just ripening.
I hope you are also enjoying the fruits of summer! Tell me about your summer – was there a theme or a trend that you noticed? Was it what you hoped for? Was it planned, or did you roll along with the season or get swept up in life events? Taking time to pause and look at where we have been will sometimes help us move forward. Post comments below, and I will post the question on FB at Reba Linker, Author/Coach as well – as always, I love to hear from you!
Love & Gratitude, Reba
August 7, 2014
The Story Snatchers
I had this ‘aha moment’: narcissists are story snatchers!
Often, narcissists are described in psychological terms as ‘self-involved.’ What was so electrifying about my insight is it depicts the action and impact of what a narcissist does.
Granted, living with someone self-involved, particularly for a child, can be lonely, frustrating and difficult. Yet, it seems to me, narcissists are far more active than that. While a self-involved parent might not give a child the time and attention she needs, a story snatcher impacts and impinges on the child’s space. The child’s very self-hood gets usurped and redirected towards the narcissist.
Narcissists are story-snatchers. Those around them exist only as secondary players in their drama. The roles they offer their offspring – failure or golden child – are less than fully human; both must sacrifice their authentic experience and instead ‘perform’ the parent’s script in order to try to ‘win’ the parent’s ‘love.’
As the child grows, she becomes an unwitting accomplice in her own dis-empowerment by continuing – as she was so well taught – to place inappropriate emphasis upon the needs and drama of the parent. She will follow the parent’s script as long as she lives – unless she reclaims ownership of her story. Only in this way can she take back her power.
Without our story, life is but a play of shadows, inauthentic and unsatisfying.
Adopting someone else’s version of the truth is like treading our way through a dark, unfriendly forest: no landmark is secure, no tree looks fully familiar, even the earth does not feel wholly stable. All is made strange by looking at life through the narcissist’s lens.
Narcissists are story-snatchers – and this is what makes living with them so devastating. It is a secret crime. No one outside the relationship will ever know or believe that a crime has taken place, but it has, at the deepest level. The crime: Grand Theft Story. It is a crime that jails the victim, placing her within the confines of a narrative that does not fit her authentic self.
Reclaiming ownership of our stories is like stepping out of the shadows and into the sunlight. Everything has the potential to make sense in a new way. The hurt and struggle of the past can be transmuted into a source of power, freedom and pride.
Why do I write about this? I lived it, and I found a way out of the forest.
My story is mine, not theirs. The ugliness of my story is no longer a source of shame, but rather, of dignity. On the ‘other side’ of this journey, I can feel gratitude for the experiences that make me, me – harsh though they were, and as ongoing as the process of healing will be.
The pain of living without my authentic story taught me its worth. As only a prisoner can know the value of freedom, I know the nature of self-hood – what an all-important thing it is – both my own, and, by extension, each of ours. This is a gift beyond price, which I bring both to myself and to everyone whose life I touch.
We can learn to peel off the strange lens that warped our view of our selves and our lives. Reclaiming our experience and taking back ownership of our stories offers a way out of the forest and into the sunlight, where the landmarks feel true and the ground we walk on feels, maybe for the first time, real.
Want to learn more about rewriting your story and finding more happiness? Visit http://rebalinker.com/rebal/classes-coaching/
This post is based on an excerpt from my new book, Happiness is a Habit, due out later this year. For another excerpt of material from the book, click here to get your FREE copy of The Little Book of Manifesting BIG!
Reba Linker, coach and author specializing in inspirational books for women and ‘stories that heal.’ Her coaching encourages others to ‘follow their own yarns,’ live their best lives, tell their stories, and discover their authentic voice.
Download a free excerpt of Reba’s book, Follow the Yarn, when you sign up for the newsletter in the upper right corner of this website.
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