Matt Fradd's Blog, page 60

Internet Accountability. Why It’s Essential.

Covenant Eyes invented accountability software. They’re the best in the biz. This 9 minute video is a fantastic introduction to what it’s all about:

https://vimeo.com/88064707

Look What My Wife And I Are Giving Up For Lent!

If  you’re like me, Lent catches you off guard every single year. Can you believe it’s only 5 days until lent?

A few weeks back I was chatting with my good friend, Mark Hart (who is so disgustingly insightful and funny that you ought to follow him) who shared with me something that friends of his did one year for Lent.

I thought the idea was fantastic and have now talked my wife into it.

Sometime between now and Ash Wednesday (the beginning of Lent), my wife and I are going to go and purchase 40 bottles of good red wine.

We’ll probably need to buy a wine rack (or two) also.

We’re then going set them somewhere semi-prominent, and then fast from alcohol for the entirely of lent.

This is going to be quite the sacrifice. But hey, that’s what Lent’s about.

Why The 40 bottles?

So why are we buying 40 bottles of wine? Two reasons, first to remind us of Easter. Every night.. While we eat dinner… Drinking water….

secondly, so that we can better celebrate the Easter season! Once easter comes, we’re going to commit to sitting down each night (or as many as possible—I travel like a crazy person!…do crazy people travel a great deal? Never mind. #BackOnDecaf) and drinking wine. The Easter season is 50 days…40 bottles of wine. Totally doable. Right?

What Are You Giving Up For Lent?

No seriously, I’m actually asking you. Comment below.

The Economics of Sex

The Austin Institute for the study of family and culture has recently produced a visually stimulating and thought-provoking little video on the economics of sex.

So, what do you think?

Duke University’s Porn Star

You’ve probably heard the news: A freshman at Duke University is doing porn. Word got out that she was a “porn star” and so she decided to defend her decision by giving an interview to Duke’s student newspaper.

You’re Shocked, Why?

Why, exactly, are people shocked at this? We live in a pornographic culture; one that glorifies fornication, pushes contraception, and justifies (celebrates?) abortion.

And now it’s come to light that one woman at university is doing what many other women are doing at university with one, maybe two, distinctions: 1) There’s a camera rolling; 2) she’s getting paid.

Why is she doing porn?

The answer is actually quite simple. I couldn’t afford $60,000 in tuition, my family has undergone significant financial burden, and I saw a way to graduate from my dream school free of debt, doing something I absolutely love. Because to be clear: My experience in porn has been nothing but supportive, exciting, thrilling and empowering.

How We Should Respond

Many people who oppose pornography cling to the belief that the only reason a woman would do porn is because 1) she experienced some sort of trauma (sexual or otherwise) as a child, 2) she’s desperate for money but really doesn’t want to be doing it, and/or 3) she’s been manipulated into it somehow.

This isn’t always the case and so it isn’t all that helpful to argue in the following way:

1. Most porn stars have been abused.

2. Many porn stars have been coerced or manipulated into doing porn.

3. Therefore porn is wrong.

Someone could rightly retort, “but what about the one’s who, like this girl at Duke, find it fun and empowering?” That’s a good objection; a devastating one to the argument above.

It’s helpful, I think, to distinguish between the motivations and consequences of an certain action, and the action itself.

A thing isn’t necessarily right or wrong because of what motivated a person to do it (perhaps a woman’s past abuse is what motivates her to reach out to and help sex workers!). Nor is a thing necessarily wrong because of it’s consequences (if the oral contraceptive pill one day becomes as healthy and natural as a vitamin supplement, Catholics would still oppose it, even though it no longer had any negative consequences).

Porn is wrong, in part, because it removes sexual intimacy from the partners and displays it to the public in order to arouse lust, an inappropriate/warped desire. It, as I’ve said many times, is reductive. It reduces a person to the lowest common denominator and says, “that’ll do me fine.” A quote often attributed to (soon to be saint) John Paul II (though I’ve never been able to track it down) is “pornography isn’t wrong because it shows too much. It’s wrong because it shows too little of the human person.”

But how should we respond to porn stars who say they enjoy making porn? Not by telling them they’re lying (unless you’re a mind reader you probably don’t have access to that information). Instead we might pose a question: Does a woman’s inability to perceive her own dignity give you or me the right to take from her whatever she’s willing to give? If a woman forget’s her intrinsic worth, or, if she refuses to accept it, or mistakenly thinks that porn is an exercise of her freedom, does that give you or me the right to objectify her?

Is this what masculinity amounts to? So long as we don’t rape her we’re technically being good boys?

Abuse and the Performer

I do think it’s true, however, that many women who end up in the sex industry did experience some kind of abuse or neglect (that’s at least been my experience in conversing with those in the industry). Even popular porn performers like J. Jameson admit to this. In her autobiography she concedes that she would lie to interviewers (Howard Stern in this case) about having been abused as a younger girl because she didn’t want anyone to think that she got into the industry as a “victim.” Her story brought me to tears. As she was walking home one day she was offered a ride by some football players. They drove her out into the desert, beat her in the head with a rock and gang-raped her (Hail Mary…). And this she says had absolutely nothing to do with her future career choice. Well, perhaps it didn’t, but I’m doubtful.

The women that I know who used to be in the industry tell me two things: 1) they’d never admit that they were abused, and 2) they all lied about loving sex while they were in the industry. One former performer explains why:

I used to brag endlessly to fans and pornographers about my extreme “Italian” sex drive and how I loved making porn movies. I would go on and on about how I needed more and more to fulfill my insatiable appetite. I lied 100% of the time to 100% of the people. Lying is the native language of porn stars because they can’t afford to tell you the truth. Not only would it ruin the fantasy for their fans but more importantly, it would ruin the amount of their paychecks. Don’t believe porn actresses when they proudly proclaim they enjoy making porn movies. They’re ACTING.

What would you expect them to say? “I really hate this job, the men I perform with make me sick. I resent you for purchasing the porn that allows me to the live the sort of lifestyle I’ve become accustomed to (or, allows me to feed my family and me).”

Let’s pray for Lauren and all those who objectify her. Hail Mary…

ps If you study at Duke, let me know so I can send you a couple of boxes of my latest book, Delivered.

Shattering The Myths of Pornography!

Ignatius Press recently contacted me about writing a book on pornography.

The angle we decided to take was one that exposes common myths about the pornography. In order to make this book the best it can be I decided to seek the help of a friend of mine who was once a “porn star.” Together we will write this book, and I have high hopes for it!

Just as Truman (from The Truman Show) was only motivated to break free from his fantasy world when he finally discovered it to be such, so too, I think, people will be motivated to break free from “ the illusion of a fantasy world” (CCC 2354) porn has immersed them in if they are given the facts behind the fantasy of porn.

And boy are the facts startling!

My coauthor has asked me to seek your help in compiling a list of as many myths pertaining to the porn star and the porn industry as you’re able.

So, please help us! What are things that people commonly believe about porn stars or the porn industry? Please do your best to read others comments so we don’t get a lot of repeat answers.

If you think of a myth that we haven’t, and that we decide is worth using, I’ll send you a free copy of my talk, The Ugly Truth

Thank you for your help, and please keep this book in your prayers!

 

 

100 Book GiveAway! #FoReals

If you want your book to be a best seller, give it away: Leave it in stores; leave it on windshields; give it to your grandma; give it to priests to give to penitents—just give it away!

And that’s what we’ve done. At the end of 2014, Delivered shouldn’t be called a best-seller, it should be called a best-successful-awkward-giveaway…or something.

Ten Thousand Copies

We’ve now sold (and have given away) well over 10,000 copies of Delivered; we’ve just printed 10,000 more, and we’ve just been contacted by a publishing house in Poland who hope to translate it into Polish. Dostarczone, I think that’s Polish for Delivered (I have no idea how to pronounce that. I imagine it involves something like regurgitating.)

100 book Giveaway!

I’d like to give away 100 copies of my book, Delivered, to 10 different people (put your calculator away, I’ll just tell you; 10 books each) for free. Free. We’ll even pay the postage.

But! This isn’t an ordinary giveaway. In order to be in the running, you have to agree to the following:

1. Place books (one or more at a time) in random locations (Gas stations; Old-folks homes; outside strip clubs—be creative!)

2. Take photo of the book in that random location

3. Tweet that photo. That you took. In that random location with a clever one-liner AND (that’s me being emphatic) the hashtag: #mattfradddelivereddotcom

Here are some of the places I’ve placed the book:

Alright? You got it?

Thank You, Covenant Eyes!

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “But Matt, how ever will you afford to give away 100 copies of your book?” Good question. Two words: Covenant Eyes. Covenant Eyes, in case you don’t know, invented internet accountability (yep, I used the word “invented”). They are, in my (totally biased) opinion, the best internet accountability/filtering software available. They have agreed to not only pay for the books but to pay for the shipping also. Now, be awesome and learn more about them, Ok?

You can also download a free ebook of theirs about how porn affects the brain. Just sayin’.

What Wouldn’t Be Cool

1. It wouldn’t be cool if you entered to win these 10 books (we’ll let you keep one if you’d like), and then not give them away/take photos/tweet about it.

That’s it. Most other things would be cool. Well. Not most other things … #BackOnDecaf.

What Would Be Cool

1. You bought a case of Delivered regardless of whether you win this contest or not. You can by them for $2 each (1 case = 20 books).

2. You pray for the success of this book. I have entrusted it entirely to the Holy Mother of God. Please join me in praying for those who will read it, and for all men and women struggling to be delivered from porn. Hail Mary . . .

3. You downloaded this free ebook from Covenant Eyes about how porn affects the brain. Just sayin’.

THE WINNER

In four weeks (from when the books are sent out) we will select the most creative image, you know, the one that you took in that random location and then tweeted about (not forgetting to include: #mattfradddelivereddotcom), and send that person three gifts (again, totally free—because we’re awesome):

1) A box of Delivered: True Stories of Men and Women Who Turned From Porn To Purity (I guess we’re giving away 120 books!).

 

2. Pure of Heart: Breaking From Porn (5 CD’s worth of audio).

 

3. The Ugly Truth: Two Former Insiders Expose The Reality Behind The Porn Industry (Two separate interviews: The first with a former porn star, the second with a former playboy producer).

 

How To Enter

Leave a comment below. Tell us one place you’d leave a copy of Delivered, along with your twitter handle (we need to know that you’re a real person with a real twitter account).

* We can only send books to addresses in the States. That’s lame, I know. Sorry.

Jesus: Lord, Liar, Lunatic, or Legend?

The credibility of Jesus Christ is central to the Christian faith. If he is credible then we can trust what he said about God—including, for example, that God is a Trinity of three persons: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

It all comes down to the credibility of Jesus.

Some have tried to portray Jesus as merely a good teacher, someone who proposed wise moral teachings. Others have viewed him as a prophet or a mystic. But Jesus claimed more than this.

He claimed, as one of the three Persons of the Blessed Trinity, to be God himself.

This is a striking claim, and it is either true or false. If it is true then he is, indeed, the Lord of the universe and the Christian faith is true.

So what are the alternatives?

He was a liar, a religious charlatan who knowingly made false claims.
He was a lunatic, someone who was sincere but deluded.
He was a  mere legend and didn’t exist at all.

Let us look at each of these.

The Liar Hypothesis

If Jesus was a liar then it follows that he was a bad man, for it is not a good thing to intentionally deceive people regarding your identity, causing them leave everything to follow you (Luke 5:11), and encouraging them to worship you (Matthew 28:17).

The problem with this option, however, is that no one who reads the life of Christ believes him to be a bad man. “Christ says that He is  ‘humble and meek,’ says Lewis, “and we believe Him; not noticing that, if He were merely a man, humility and meekness are the very last characteristics we could attribute to some of His sayings.”

The Lunatic Hypothesis

What about the second option? Perhaps Jesus sincerely but erroneously believed himself to be God.

After all, lots of people claim to be God. Insane asylums are full of such people.

The problem with this option is by and large the same as the accusing Jesus of being a bad man – his character. Those who knew him and those who read of his life believe him to be wise and enlightened.

Indeed, his moral teachings—such as on love even for one’s enemies—are regarded as classics and as being among the loftiest articulations of moral values in history.

Read the words of Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5 :1-10 and ask yourself, could these really be the words of an insane man?

The Legend Hypothesis

Some have claimed that Jesus never existed, that he is a mere legend, or that if he did exist, so much legend has grown up around him that we cannot trust the New Testament documents that describe his life and teachings.

I will briefly outline three reasons why this is not true:

1. The Reliability of the New Testament Documents

The New Testament was written within the first generation after the death of Christ, while the eye witnesses were still alive. We therefore have better sources for Jesus than we do for most of the major figures of history. Our earliest biographies of Alexander the Great were written by Arrian and Plutarch, 400 years after his death, but historians don’t doubt that Alexander the Great existed or that we have a basic knowledge of his life.

Furthermore, the New Testament documents are better attested than any other works of antiquity. We have five hundred manuscripts that are dated earlier than a.d. 500. The next best attested ancient text we have is Homer’s epic poem The Iliad, of which we have only fifty copies that date within 500 years of its origin. The multiplicity of New Testament manuscripts that we have enable us to check them against each other and ensure that they have been reliably transmitted to us, with very few variant readings. This means that they reliably communicate their original message and are not a conglomeration of legends that built up slowly over time.

2. Extra-Biblica Sources

You can read about Jesus of Nazareth, Pontius Pilate, and even John the Baptist from non-Biblical sources of the period, such as the writings of the Jewish historian Flavius Josephus (AD 37-c. 100). Other early authors who make reference to Jesus and the early Christian community include the Roman official Pliny the Younger (AD 61 – c. AD 112) and the Roman historians Tacitus (AD 56 – AD 117), and Suetonius (AD c. 69 –c. 122).

3. Martyrdom of Apostles

To say that the apostles made up the story of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection, you must also be willing to say that they endured horribly painful deaths, including being flayed alive, crucified, stoned, and beheaded for what they knew to be a myth.

These, and many other reasons, make it clear why, according to eminent historian Michael Grant, “no serious scholar has ventured to postulate the non-historicity of Jesus’—or at any rate very few, and they have not succeeded in disposing of the much stronger, indeed very abundant, evidence to the contrary.”

But if Jesus was not a liar, a lunatic, or a legendary figure, then we must be prepared to accept him as what he claimed to be—the Lord of the universe.

“You must make your choice,” Lewis wrote. “Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.” - C.S Lewis, Mere Christianity

So, what choice have you made?

Start Thinking About Sex!

We live in a sexualized culture. We all know that, right?

Then again, perhaps we only think we know that. Perhaps it’s sorta become like the story of the fish who said to his mother, “Where’s the ocean everyone’s talking about?”

It’s simply all around us.

Case in point (not really sure what that phrase means), a couple years back when I bought a new car, a coworker of mine (not gonna say who, let’s just call him Patrick Coffin) said, “Dude, that is a sexy car!” Sexy? It was a minivan! there’s nothing sexy about a minivan. I think that’s their motto, isn’t it? “All of the convenience, none of the sex appeal”?

Don’t Think About It!

Battling with temptations against chastity is something we all have to face, and at times, the advice we’re given isn’t very helpful. Sometimes you’ll hear someone say—or perhaps you remember someone saying— “have you tried not thinking about it?”That’s terrible advice, isn’t it? Unless you’re goal was to turn neurotic, in which case I suppose it would be spectacularly helpful.

Try this, you ready?:

Don’t think about a red elephant. If you are thinking about a red elephant, then stop thinking about a red elephant.

I am a figment of your imagination

See? Doesn’t work, does it? The intensity with which you’re trying not to think about it has probably led you to mistakenly believe that there is a red elephant on this webpage. Tsk, tsk.

Alright, enough of the elephant, back to the topic at hand.

Thinking About Sex

We ought to think about sex. Yep,  you read that right. I’d argue that the mess our culture is in with regard to sex is a consequence of not thinking about it.

Frank Sheed (who was Australian and therefore awesome) explains it well:

The typical modern man practically never thinks about sex. He dreams of it, of course, by day and by night; he craves for it; he pictures it, is stimulated or depressed by it, slavers over it.

But this frothing, steaming activity is not thinking. Slavering is not thinking, picturing is not thinking, craving is not thinking, dreaming is not thinking.

Thinking means bringing the power of the mind to bear: thinking about sex means striving to see sex in its innermost reality and in the function it is meant to serve.

So, start thinking about sex. Here’s a great place to start!

How I got my book into Barnes & Noble

 

7 Spiritual Weapons to Battle Pornography

In this post I would like to suggest seven spiritual weapons that have great effects in the battle against pornography. Here they are, not in any particular order:

1. The Eucharist

My bishop once told me of a conversation he had with a Protestant minister.

“Do you really believe that the Eucharist is Jesus,” asked the minister, “and not simply a symbol?”

“That’s right,” Said my Bishop, “you don’t?”

“No, I think it’s just a symbol. But I’ll tell you one thing, if I did believe that, I’d crawl over broken glass daily to receive him.”

That story has always stuck with me. I confess with my lips that the Eucharist is truly the body, blood, soul and divinity of Jesus Christ, but do I confess that truth with my actions? Do you?

Fourth century Church Father St. John Chrysostom once wrote that “the Eucharist is a fire that inflames us, that, like lions breathing fire, we may retire from the altar being made terrible to the devil.” Let us take advantage of that!

In addition to receiving the Eucharist at Mass, begin to spend time before our Blessed Lord in adoration. Instead of staring upon the flesh of pornography, begin staring upon the flesh of God that was crucified to redeem you.

I’ve said elsewhere that lack of time is a poor excuse, let’s be honest, we always find time for that which we love. You probably found time to waste it on social media today. I certainly found time to line up at my favorite coffee shop.

Blessed Mother Teresa once wrote, “Jesus has made Himself the Bread of Life to give us life. Night and day, He is there. If you really want to grow in love, come back to the Eucharist, come back to that Adoration.”

 

 2. Confession

Our blessed Lord gave his apostles—the first priests and Bishops of the Catholic Church—the ability to forgive sins (John 20:21-23). That charism still resides with our priests today. In the sacrament of confession, not only are we cleansed of our sins, but we are given the grace to resist those sins in the future.

Confession is St. Faustina had to say about this powerful Sacrament:

Tell souls where they are to look for solace; that is, in the Tribunal of Mercy. There the greatest miracles take place [and] are incessantly repeated. . . . Were a soul like a decaying corpse so that from a human standpoint, there would be no [hope of ] restoration and everything would already be lost, it is not so with God. The miracle of Divine Mercy restores that soul in full. Oh, how miserable are those who do not take advantage of the miracle of God’s mercy! You will call out in vain, but it will be too late. (1448)

Though the Church only requires us to receive this sacrament once a year, many Popes and saints have advised us to go more often. The purpose of frequenting this sacrament isn’t to become scrupulous and guild-ridden, (scrupulosity is not a cross the Lord calls us to carry but a scourge of Satan he commands us to renounce!) but, by turning our eyes away from ourselves and toward his mercy, to live in the freedom of God’s children (Romans 8:21)

 

 

3. The Rosary

You’d be hard pressed to find a devotion which, after adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, has been so frequently and persistently advocated by the saints. Pope Pius IX, for example wrote, “Among all the devotions approved by the Church none has been so favored by so many miracles as the devotion of the Most Holy Rosary.”

Sister Lucia dos Santos (one of three children at Fatima who claimed to have witnessed  and conversed with the virgin Mary) said,  ”The Most Holy Virgin in these last times in which we live has given a new efficacy to the recitation of the Rosary to such an extent that there is no problem, no matter how difficult it is, whether temporal or above all spiritual, in the personal life of each one of us [or] of our families…that cannot be solved by the Rosary. There is no problem, I tell you, no matter how difficult it is, that we cannot resolve by the prayer of the Holy Rosary.”

So What is the Rosary? Simply put, and in the words of Blessed John Paul II, it “is nothing other than to contemplate with Mary the face of Christ.”

To commit to praying the rosary, perhaps even daily, is to commit to spending fifteen to twenty minutes in quiet contemplation. Often those who use pornography habitually say they experience an inner disquiet that can make contemplation seem almost impossible. The rosary is a practical and beautiful way to reverse that problem, to begin quieting our minds and our passions.

The famous words of one bishop, Hugh Doyle, are appropriate here: “No one can live continually in sin and continue to say the Rosary: either they will give up sin or they will give up the rosary.”

4. Fasting

 

 

In my book, Delivered, I wrote:

In the battle of the flesh, fasting can also be a powerful way to pray. You could say that prayer without fasting is like boxing with one hand tied behind your back, and that fasting without prayer is, well, dieting.

To achieve purity both are needed. “If you are able to fast,” writes St. Francis de Sales, “you will do well to observe some days beyond what are ordered by the Church, for besides the ordinary effect of fasting in raising the mind, subduing the flesh, confirming goodness, and obtaining a heavenly reward, it is also a great matter to be able to control greediness, and to keep the sensual appetites and the whole body subject to the law of the Spirit.”

The vice that often leads to sexual sin is a lack of self-mastery. Fasting from legitimate pleasures, even small ones, builds up that virtue within us. When I get a plate of hot fries I may choose to deny myself salt. When I pour myself a cup of coffee I may choose to deny myself cream or sugar. The regular habit of denying us good things gives us the inner strength to avoid bad ones.

Put it this way: If we can’t say no to a cookie or another slice of pizza, how will we ever say no to the temptation to look at pornography?

You might consider joining E5 men, an online community of thousands of men (and women) who fast once a month for their wives (or their future wives). Another idea might be to fast for the men and women we have objectified by using pornography.

 

 5. St. Joseph Cord

The St. Joseph cord (or cincture), like the one priests wear at Mass, is a sign of chastity, and has been since the Church’s beginning—and before. Old Testament priests wore cinctures, consecrated Virgins and religious wear cinctures, and the wearing of cinctures in honor of a particular Saint is ancient, first spoken of in the life of St. Monica, the mother of St. Augustine.

The Cord itself is simply a white cord of thread or cotton, knotted in 7 places—one knot for each of the 7 Sorrows of St. Joseph and their related Joys, they being:

Each day one is to recite seven Gloria’s (Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.) while meditating upon the seven sorrows and joys of St. Joseph, and then offer this prayer: 

Guardian of virgins, and holy father Joseph, to whose faithful custody Christ Jesus, Innocence itself, and Mary, Virgin of virgins, were committed; I pray and beseech thee, by these dear pledges, Jesus and Mary, that, being preserved from all uncleanness, I may with spotless mind, pure heart, and chaste body, ever serve Jesus and Mary most chastely all the days of my life. Amen.

You can purchase a St. Joseph Cord .

6. Sacred Scripture

The Word of God is, as Hebrews 4:12 tells us, “living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword.” Memorizing Scripture verses that pertain to purity can be of great help in moments of temptation. Here are over twenty Scripture verses for you to look up, reflect upon and memorize:

7. Holy Water

Another spiritual weapon you might use in the fight against pornography is holy water. First let me reiterate my great joy in being Catholic. I love how the Church’s sacramentals validate and reinforce the goodness of matter.

What a comfort it is to dip your finger into holy water and trace the cross of Christ across your body. How is this not something that our Protestant brothers and sisters have adopted (or reinstated). In her autobiography St.Teresa of Avila writes of how holy water is great weapon against Satan and his devils.

 

“From long experience I have learned that there is nothing like holy water to put devils to flight and prevent them from coming back again. They also flee from the Cross, but return; so holy water must have great virtue. . . .  One night . . . I thought the devils were stifling me; and when the nuns had sprinkled a great deal of holy water about I saw a huge crowd of them running away as quickly as though they were about to fling themselves down a steep place.

Let’s be honest; if it’s good enough for Teresa of Avila…

One More Thing

In addition to taking advantage of the Church’s sacraments and sacramentals, it’s vital that we educate ourselves about the destructive nature of pornography. One way pornography affects us is neurologically. I highly recommend this free ebook, Your Brain On Porn, written by my friend and coworker, Luke Gilkerson

Join The Discussion

What are some spiritual weapons you have found helpful?