Devon McCormack's Blog, page 5

Ab Ripper X and Six Packs

I hate to provide free publicity to big money-sucking companies, but I'm gonna be doing that for Ab Ripper X, because it's what I do two days a week, and I have a few comments on this program, specifically because it's been on my mind since I did it a whole five minutes ago.

Does it work? Um...that's like asking if a sledgehammer works at smashing an egg. Yes, of course it does. You wanna know a great secret to losing weight? Don't eat ever again. That's my not-so-subtle way of stressing how convulsed I think programs like Ab Ripper X are. Largely, I think they do more to discourage people who are at their less-than-ideal body weight than they do to encourage those who want six packs to get them. In all honesty, I think I could get results just as good by doing simple, less stressful ab exercises. The only reason I even decided to do the program was because it's 15 minutes and the douche that's yelling at you the whole time really motivates me. I don't know if anyone else is like this, but there's something about people yelling at me that motivates me. At the gym, I'll usually berate myself into doing an extra set or a few too many reps at the bench press. Healthy? No. Effective? I guess so. Destructive to my self-esteem? Absolutely. All that aside, my only comment about that guy who yells at me is, "Fuck you!" That's what I was thinking through the whole video, and that's what's still on my mind. "Fuck you, asshole!"

Moving on, you might be asking yourself, "So...if it works, do you have a six pack?" Um...kind of. I mean, if I flex you can see it, but it's not really that meth-head six-pack that some people go for. I enjoy eating too much to achieve that fantasy figure, but perhaps one day when I take up and eating disorder, I'll have a different story about that.

Six packs aside (which is a funny statement, because who's actually gonna push one of those to the side - not me), I'm exhausted and need a shower. So I'm off. I'll keep you posted on other nonsensical things that you have no reason to know later. For those of you thinking, what the fuck was this post about, I'll just direct your attention to the pic at the top of the post, and say, "Really? What the fuck are you complaining about? You're welcome."

Okay. Finally, on my E-book

Since I forgot to plug my e-book in my initial posts, as I was overwhelmed with excitement for American Horror Story's season premiere, I will now give my book a little show-and-tell.

Clipped is a m/m erotic novel. Rather than re-paraphrasing the story, I'll give you the synop that I've gone through over and over again:

After the fallen spy Kinzer's cover is blown, one of God’s gangs, The Raze, clips his wings and murders his angel lover. He escapes and sets out to warn his allies about a mole in their midst, but along the way, he discovers that his friends have located the Antichrist, whom Satan has created to stop God’s second Christ from destroying the world. Now, Kinzer is on a mission to protect the Antichrist and avenge his lover’s death.

To be clear, this is not erotic romance. Though there is a romantic storyline, the story is about sex: the good and the bad. It depicts the light-hearted, playful moments of intercourse as well as the darker, perverse sides of rape. All too often, I see books that exclusively represent sex as this wonderful, magical thing or strictly as this sadistic, cruel act. I don't really find either of those representations to be accurate. I see sex as being a combination of the two, and this is what I tried to depict in Clipped. Sex isn't all fun, and it isn't all bad. Like life, it's a complex dance between inexplicable pleasure and excruciating pain, neither possible without the other.

Anyway, I hope if you get the chance, you'll give my book a read and a review (or at least drop me an email or a comment to let me know what you think). You can find free copies all over the net, but specifically on Google Books or Scribd. For those who just want a little taste before committing to the book, check out this scene between two of my supporting characters: Treycore and Kid.

American Horror Story Awesomeness (spoilers)

As I should have expected, AHS impressed me yet again with a premiere filled with "what the fuck?!" and "Jesus fucking Christ!" moments. It's got it all. Kathy Bates covers her face in pancreas blood. Jessica Lange sucks the youth out of a young doctor-man (but so would I, if I could). And Precious star Gabourey Sidibe, a human voodoo doll who can stab herself to hurt other people, sneaks food at night.

The episode was packed with witty one-liners, like when Precious asks Emma Roberts (who plays a movie star) when she made her last movie--a question most viewers have been asking about Precious. It also gives fans a flash back to the romance between Evan Peters and Taissa Farmiga--a romance that I was certainly not missing, but I'm sure some die-hard fans are super-excited to see this again.

So...to recap last nights episode, these are the things it taught me:


1) Angela Bassett is gorgeous.

I've always thought she was beautiful, but that was back when she was relevant...in the 90s. But she's still hot. Super hot. I thought about switching a few times throughout the episode, which wasn't hard because there wasn't any good man-candy anyway. I'm sorry, but Evan Peters does nothing for me.

2) Jessica Lange should wear heels always.

She's no Angela Bassett, but she's still hot. And did you see her feet when she stepped out of the car? Yes. Wear them as much as possible JL.

3) Ryan Murphy has decided to do a season of AHS as X-Men with witches.

I might be understating this, but it's true. The show opens with that girl from Season 1 (Taissa whatever) pulling a Rogue by killing her boyfriend with her "touch" (she actually killed him with her twat, but same difference, right?). Sarah Paulson, the headmistress of the boarding school, is Professor X. Jessica Lange is Magneto. Kathy Bates, as a friend of mine pointed out, is Apocalypse.
 
Do I blame Ryan Murphy for stealing X-Men to create Season 3 of AHS? Hell, no. X-Men is awesome and so was this episode. If the season promises to be anything like the first episode, I'm completely on board.

So, X-Men-plagiarism considered, here's a quick overview of the characters' powers:

Sarah Paulson - potions wiz. Apparently, she's gonna show us all that she is super-powerful at some point, but she's got a bit of a Jean Grey thing going on, where she isn't willing to exercise her powers to their full ability.

Jessica Lange - everything except feeling youth and vitality.

Precious - human voodoo doll (as mentioned previously).

The down girl from Season 1 - clairvoyant, and she's gonna be obnoxious about it. It's that old, "I know what your future is, and I'm gonna tell you, so watch out Julius Caesar!"

Angela Basset - voodoo queen (is that a power?).

Kathy Bates - must have the power that Jessica Lange doesn't have, cause she doesn't age when Lange digs her up from the street.

Emma Roberts - telekinetic. She flips a bus at one point. But for being an actress, she isn't much into dramatics. The bus had several guys that had raped her on it, and she just tosses it upside-down. If I wanted to punish my rapists, I would want to brutally torture them. Am I wrong here?

Girl from Season 1 - murdering vagina (initially I wrote boy-killing vagina, but I don't think it has a preference).

4) Few things are more satisfying than watching Emma Roberts get train banged by assholes.

I don't know. I'm not a big fan. And it's not something you see a lot on TV, so there was something cathartic about it...perhaps just because I'm a horrible person.

So...that's a wrap for the first episode, but the second looks like it's gonna be just as jaw-dropping, so I'm eager to see where the season goes. If this season is anything like the last two, the moment I think things are going in one direction, they'll change and move in a completely different one.

Blog Start-up and American Horror Story Excitement

Hey all,

I'm starting this blog to promote my new ebook, Clipped, which is now available in its entirety for free on Scribd and Google Books. But that's the only mention I'm going to have for that right now, since I am far more eager to talk about the new season of American Horror Story: Coven, which premieres tonight.

Me and my two good friends get together to watch Sons of Anarchy every Tuesday, and FX has been teasing us with some awesome TV spots:



If I've done my math correctly, it looks something like:
Jessica Lange + Angela Bassett + Kathy Bates + Sarah Paulson =  Awesome.
And in case you missed it, last night, the teaser had a man being dragged into a swamp by a crocodile! Sold. For those of you who aren't fans of American Horror Story, I suggest you become fans. It feels like the show's creators just sit around trying to think of what will make me go "What the fuck?!" That's all that it takes to keep me watching a show, so if the season is anything like the teaser, I'm going to be on the edge of my seat till new episodes air.
For those of you who are already fans of the series, here's a present that I hope will brighten up your day, as it always does mine: