Eric E. Wright's Blog, page 11

Jesus Anguish in the Garden of Gethsemane

Portuguese traders following Vasco da Gama settled at Macau, on the south coast of China and there build a massive Cathedral overlooking the harbour. But in the eighteenth century a violent typhoon destroyed the cathedral. All that remained was the front façade and a great brass cross.

In 1825, Sir John Bowring, governor of Hong Kong visited Macau. He was so impressed he wrote the famous hymn;

In the Cross of Christ I glory,

Towering o’er the wrecks of time,

All the light of sacred story

Gathers round its head sublime

We glory in the cross, but before he went to the cross, Jesus agonized in the Garden of Gethsemane. He took three disciples, had them sit and pray and then went off a little distance to pray himself. He said, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death…Abba, Father, ‘He said’ everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will” (Mk 14:34-36). Luke writes, “being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground” (Luke 22:44). A

As we prepare for Good Friday and Easter, we need to remind ourselves why this cup brought such anguish to his soul.

It was a CUP OF ACCUSATION. He who was the Truth was called by the religious authorities a liar, an imposter, a blasphemer.

It was a CUP OF MOCKING. We read of the soldiers commissioned with his crucifixion that “And when they had mocked him they took the purple off him, put His own clothes on Him, and led Him out to crucify Him.” (Mark 14:20) They made fun of him by clothing him in purple, twisting a crown of thorns, saluting him as King of the Jews, striking his head, spitting on him, bowing the knee, and pretending to worship him.

It was a CUP OF SHAME. Romans were so repulsed by the cross as a form of execution that they agitated for it never to be used on Roman citizens. But Jesus hung naked between two thieves. Paul explains, “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us. For it is written: ‘Cursed in everyone who is hung on a tree’” (Gal. 3:13).

It was a CUP OF PAIN. Crucifixion was one of the most agonizing methods of dying that mankind has invented. He had been beaten, thorns pressed into his scalp, then nails driven through his wrists and feet followed by agonizing thirst. Isaiah in prophetic vision sees “his appearance disfigured…his form marred beyond human likeness” (Isiah 52:14).

It was a CUP OF SIN. Jesus, the holy, harmless, undefiled, and righteous Son of God took upon himself our sins; our self-righteousness, indifference, hatred, our pride, our immorality—all of our evil including the worst wickedness of mankind. “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Cor. 5:21). Centuries earlier Isaiah had proclaimed; “He was pierced for our transgressions” (Is. 53:5).

It was a CUP OF WRATH.  The Son of God who from all eternity had enjoyed the love of the Father and the Spirit now becomes the object of divine wrath. Our iniquity on him aroused God’s wrath to be poured out on the cross. The sun even darkens to hide this terrible event.

It was a CUP OF SEPARATION. “In the ninth hour, Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying “Eloi, Eloi, My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?” (Mark 15:34).Imagine. The loving union, the unimaginable fellowship he had enjoyed with the Father from all eternity is cut off. He was abandoned by his disciples who fled. He was denied by Peter.

It was a CUP OF DEATH. He who is the source of life, in his incarnation as the man Christ Jesus, is to die. How can this be? How can we understand such love for us? “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). He shed his blood for us.  

Restless and unable to sleep, the swimming instructor in a large college decided to go for a nighttime swim. He was ready to dive into the pool when he saw the light of the moon through the glass roof silhouetting him on the wall in the form of a cross.

As an unsaved man, he pondered the image of the cross. Something compelled him to come down from the board and walk along the pool side to the steps. He walked down the steps only to discover there was no water. The pool had been drained. The image of the cross saved him from death. He knelt there and confessed his sins and asked Christ to save him.

On the cross, Christ drained the cup for you and me. Have you, like this unbelieving swimming instructor asked Jesus Christ to save you from your sins?

A Ruined Cathedral and a Man Saved From Death

Portuguese traders following Vasco da Gama settled at Macau, on the south coast of China and there build a massive Cathedral overlooking the harbour. But in the eighteenth century a violent typhoon destroyed the cathedral. All that remained was the front façade and a great brass cross.

In 1825, Sir John Bowring, governor of Hong Kong visited Macau. He was so impressed he wrote the famous hymn;

In the Cross of Christ I glory,

Towering o’er the wrecks of time,

All the light of sacred story

Gathers round its head sublime

We glory in the cross, but before he went to the cross, Jesus agonized in the Garden of Gethsemane. He took three disciples, had them sit and pray and then went off a little distance to pray himself. He said, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death…Abba, Father, ‘He said’ everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will” (Mk 14:34-36). Luke writes, “being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground” (Luke 22:44). A

As we prepare for Good Friday and Easter, we need to remind ourselves why this cup brought such anguish to his soul.

It was a CUP OF ACCUSATION. He who was the Truth was called by the religious authorities a liar, an imposter, a blasphemer.

It was a CUP OF MOCKING. We read of the soldiers commissioned with his crucifixion that “And when they had mocked him they took the purple off him, put His own clothes on Him, and led Him out to crucify Him.” (Mark 14:20) They made fun of him by clothing him in purple, twisting a crown of thorns, saluting him as King of the Jews, striking his head, spitting on him, bowing the knee, and pretending to worship him.

It was a CUP OF SHAME. Romans were so repulsed by the cross as a form of execution that they agitated for it never to be used on Roman citizens. But Jesus hung naked between two thieves. Paul explains, “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us. For it is written: ‘Cursed in everyone who is hung on a tree’” (Gal. 3:13).

It was a CUP OF PAIN. Crucifixion was one of the most agonizing methods of dying that mankind has invented. He had been beaten, thorns pressed into his scalp, then nails driven through his wrists and feet followed by agonizing thirst. Isaiah in prophetic vision sees “his appearance disfigured…his form marred beyond human likeness” (Isiah 52:14).

It was a CUP OF SIN. Jesus, the holy, harmless, undefiled, and righteous Son of God took upon himself our sins; our self-righteousness, indifference, hatred, our pride, our immorality—all of our evil including the worst wickedness of mankind. “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Cor. 5:21). Centuries earlier Isaiah had proclaimed; “He was pierced for our transgressions” (Is. 53:5).

It was a CUP OF WRATH.  The Son of God who from all eternity had enjoyed the love of the Father and the Spirit now becomes the object of divine wrath. Our iniquity on him aroused God’s wrath to be poured out on the cross. The sun even darkens to hide this terrible event.

It was a CUP OF SEPARATION. “In the ninth hour, Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying “Eloi, Eloi, My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?” (Mark 15:34).Imagine. The loving union, the unimaginable fellowship he had enjoyed with the Father from all eternity is cut off. He was abandoned by his disciples who fled. He was denied by Peter.

It was a CUP OF DEATH. He who is the source of life, in his incarnation as the man Christ Jesus, is to die. How can this be? How can we understand such love for us? “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). He shed his blood for us.  

Restless and unable to sleep, the swimming instructor in a large college decided to go for a nighttime swim. He was ready to dive into the pool when he saw the light of the moon through the glass roof silhouetting him on the wall in the form of a cross.

As an unsaved man, he pondered the image of the cross. Something compelled him to come down from the board and walk along the pool side to the steps. He walked down the steps only to discover there was no water. The pool had been drained. The image of the cross saved him from death. He knelt there and confessed his sins and asked Christ to save him.

On the cross, Christ drained the cup for you and me. Have you, like this unbelieving swimming instructor asked Jesus Christ to save you from your sins?

THE WAITING SEASON-Acquiring patience in unsettled weather

Some months should be accepted as months dedicated to acquiring patience. In northern climes, during March and April we wait—often impatiently. We wait for winter to leave and for the temperature to climb. The sun shines brightly for a few days, then snow flurries come again, as they have today. Our crocuses and snowdrops valiantly try to bloom. This year has tried the patience of most of us.

November and part of December are waiting months too. Waiting for winter, the real winter with snow. Waiting. Whether in the early spring or late fall we are often found waiting for perfect weather. Fortunately, we have the Easter holidays to distract us in the spring and Christmas to look forward to in the late fall. Otherwise, there’s not much to do outside in these shoulder seasons.

However, if we approach these prolonged in-between seasons with the right kind of attitude, we may come out of them with a healthy dose of patience! And without patience and perseverance we’ll spend much of our lives being frustrated. Consider how much we need these qualities: waiting for a bus, driving through traffic, bringing up children, getting through school, finding a job, developing a strong marriage, writing a book, painting a picture, or playing monopoly. We’ll never succeed in completing tedious and detail-oriented tasks without buckets of the stuff. Nor will we live a meaningful life.

No wonder the biblical writers say a lot about this character quality. In the parable of the sower and the soils, “the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop”(Luke 8:15).

Jesus urges believers during the chaos coming near the end of the age; “in patience possess your souls” (Luke 21:19, KJV). This implies that without patience our souls are like unmanageable animals—wild mustangs who know nothing of saddle and bridle.

Both Romans 5 and James 1 affirm that, under the hand of God, suffering and tribulation help us develop the perseverance and patience we need to live victorious and fruitful lives. (See Rom 5:1-5; James 1:2-5). The writer of Hebrews urges us to “run with patience the race that is set before us”(Heb. 12:1).

The Scriptures were written “so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope”(Rom. 15:4). It is interesting to note here that the wisdom and encouragement we acquire from the Scriptures enables us to endure unpleasant circumstances productively. The Scriptures give us the big picture, the long view. Without them we might find both the present and the future dark and foreboding.

Sitting still and lamenting our situation—or the weather—will not create the patience we need to press ahead with life. “We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.”(Heb. 6:12). An active lifestyle helps to banish discouragement and depression.

I’ve gone far afield from talking about the uncertainty of April weather. And yet, I contend that there seems to be a relationship between cheerfully accepting whatever weather comes our way, and developing the patience and hope we need to live satisfying and productive lives.

Meditations of a Jesus Follower, #28 – The Attitude We Need Amidst Chaos, God’s Sovereignty

Do you like a mystery? How the teensy-weensy hummingbird can fly to South America and back to the same feeder in Canada? Which brings up the mystery of bird migration. Or ponder how the Aztecs moved and shaped those enormous stones? What are black holes? In this series on the attributes of God, we have faced many revelations about God that have stretched our minds beyond what we can comprehend. Can we grasp infinity, or eternity, or omnipotence? Can we even grasp the love of God? Yet we depend on it everyday for any sense of grace and forgiveness and support.

We are soon going to ponder a mystery rejected by more than one seventh of the world, the mystery of the Trinity. But first we will consider a mystery that troubles many Christians and has led to many theological fights. Is God sovereign ruler of the universe? If so why suffering?

Before we approach what God has said about these truths, we need to pause and check our attitude. Which do we trust more, the Scriptures or our intellect? Are our minds open to the possibility, indeed the certainty, that there are truths beyond our comprehension? That what seems like a paradox may only be resolved in some mysterious place far, far beyond our experience?

We need to ensure that our attitude is like that of Job after God asked him, “Who is this who darkens my counsel with words without knowledge…where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? (Job 38:2,4)? After God gave him an extensive review of his acts of power and wisdom, Job responded; “I know that you can do all things…Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me…I repent in dust and ashes” (Job 42: 2,3,6) Job learned humility.  

Genuine humility is an accurate view of ourselves in the face of reality. God is reality. And Isaiah quotes God as saying; “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than yours and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8,9).

Paul writes, “Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God. How unsearchable his judgements and his paths beyond tracing out” (Romans 11:33).

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD” (Jer. 17:7) However, does our trust extend as far as to believe that God is in control of all that happens?

We live in a scary time that seems to portend a chaotic future. Is the global Covid-19 crisis over or is there another pandemic on the horizon? Climate change alarmists predict doom. They say oceans will rise, terrible storms will come, temperatures will rise, and either drought or flood will be our fate unless we radically reduce CO2 emissions. We might also ask ourselves if we will personally face cancer or Alzheimer’s? Are the wars and revolutions currently occurring in places as distant as Ukraine, Peru, Nigeria, the Congo, South Sudan, and Haiti going to spread? Are we going to face a new cold war? Is China going to overwhelm Asia and beyond? Is freedom itself under threat? Is democracy declining?

What is a Christian to do? Hide his or her head in the sand? No, but we need to understand that Jesus has predicted a future of intense persecution for believers that leads up to his return to judge the world and make all things new. Meanwhile, we are to spread the good news of the gospel, which is also the message of the kingdom of God. We are to show mercy, pursue justice, and commit ourselves to radical discipleship. Although we may live in a time of chaos, we must realize that God is in control, overruling chaos to further his purposes. And his purposes are to ultimately manifest his kingship visibly over the whole renewed earth. Instead of living in a state of worry and uncertainty, someone has said, “I rest my soul on the soft pillow of God’s sovereignty.” But what is meant by sovereignty?

According to the Gospel Coalition, “The sovereignty of God is the fact that he is the Lord over creation; as sovereign, he exercises his rule. This rule is exercised through God’s authority as king, his control over all things, and his presence with his covenantal people and throughout his creation. The divine name, Yahweh, expresses this sovereign rule over against the claims of human kings, such as Pharaoh (Exod. 3:14). Because God is tri-personal, however, his sovereign control is not impersonal or mechanical, but is the loving and gracious oversight of the king of creation and redemption.”

The whole Old Testament shows that seemingly chaotic, apparently random, and even hurtful events occur because of God’s sovereign control of history. Events in Egypt under Pharaoh as mentioned above, along with the rise and fall of Assyria, Babylon, Persia, Greece and Rome occurred as part of God’s sovereign control and plan. We must not think that events in China or Russia or the US or Europe are outside God’s sovereignty. We can’t know what is clear to God, but we can know that God is in control. The future is moving toward that day when Christ will return, judge the world, renew heaven and earth where he will rule through his redeemed children. We need to live with end time events in mind. We can never know for sure, but events in our days may herald the return of Christ.

Throughout the Bible God’s sovereign kingship is repeatedly taught. “The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all” (Psalm 103:19). “The Lord does whatever pleases him in the heavens and on the earth” (Ps. 135:6). “He rules over the nations” (Ps 22:28). (See Daniel 4:34,35) “The God who made the world and everything in it…he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live…in him we live and move and have our being” (See Acts 17:24-28).

As sovereign King of the universe, things don’t just happen randomly. He has a plan. It is his decree. Nothing that happens occurs outside of his decree. “In Ephesians 1:3-14 Paul explains clearly that every facet of our redemption is according to “his pleasure and will…the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure which he purposed in Christ…predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will” (vs. 5,9,11). (See also Romans 8:28ff.)

Another way of expressing his sovereignty is to describe events as providential, ordered by Providence. If you are a Christian, you can be confident that everything that happens to you occurs through God’s kind providence. “

The exercise of His sovereignty among humans is often described by unpopular words such as ordination, and predestination. As born-again Christians, we may ask how God could predestine us to be saved without forcing us to act contrary to our will, without making us into puppets? [That he does, see above and Ephesians 1.] We know he doesn’t force us to believe but moves us to repent and believe. How? A mystery. At the beginning of this post, I described how any attempt to understand God ends in mystery. (See Isaiah 55:8-11; Romans 11:33-36, Job) We must accept mystery. Instead of rejecting hard-to-understand truths, we need to accept what God has revealed about his workings in Scripture and trust God for what is beyond our understanding.

Everyone believes in some kind of ordination or predestination. Evolutionists believe in the predestination of all things due to the influence of the environment in which there is an impersonal force of progress moves lower and simpler things to become higher and more complicated through the survival of the fittest. Animism believes in ordination through the whim of spirits. Hinduism believes in the predestination of people due to their karma, which is determined by their actions in a past life. Islam believes in ordination by the arbitrary will of Allah. Atheists generally believe in ordination by blind fate. Communism believes in the inevitable triumph of the proletariat due to its historic struggle in societies. At the root of many philosophies of government is hidden a belief in allowing the elite, not people generally, to ordain policies. Take your choice!

Ultimately our choice becomes either belief in ordination by a personal and loving Father who sent his Son to save us or blind & arbitrary forces such as fate, karma, nature, Allah or capricious spirits.

(Let me know your thoughts on this subject. If you appreciate this blog, please pass it on. Further articles, books, and stories at:  Facebook: Eric E Wright Twitter: @EricEWright1 LinkedIn: Eric Wright ; Eric’s books are available at: https://www.amazon.com/Eric-E.-Wright/e/B00355HPKK%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share)

Florida Road Trip, #4, the Birds

One of the delights of a visit to Florida during the winter is not only the lush foliage but the huge variety of bird life. I was especially taken by the water birds, many of whom later migrate to Canada but are much harder to spot due to our vast geography and the separation between fresh water lakes and seacoast.

The Wren – A Parable

The wren Mary Helen and I found singing its heart out one day, is to me a parable. The wren is a tiny bird and quite ordinary in its plumage. Yet its song sweetens the whole atmosphere around it, even on a hot, dry day. Have you ever noticed that it’s often the inconspicuous and quiet people who bless a family or gathering. Not flashy, or overly demonstrative, or pushy, they are often the strong, stable types who provide the ballast for society.

As Paul wrote, “not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, …the week…the base…and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence” (1 Cor. 1:26-29) Or as Christ taught, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 5:3).

Lord help us to be meek without being afraid to act decisively for the kingdom. Help our lives to be an encouragement to others. Help us to be stable and faithful without being ostentatious. Help us to be happy to sing like the wren even if we can’t be an opera singer or crack the hall of fame. (The image below is a sparrow, equally non-descript. I don’t have a picture of the wren.)

God is Truth in a Time of Idolatry – Essential Beliefs, # 27

We live in a time of rampant idolatry. I’m not talking about the worship of Hindu or Buddhist gods, although they are all for sale on Amazon. According to popular wisdom, we are encouraged to worship them or anything else if we want, since that which is said to be true is whatever is true to you as an individual.

As a result, we rub shoulders with idols every day. What do I mean? We live in a world with billions of people who idolize themselves through believing that what is true is whatever they think/choose to be true. If I think I am a woman, though biologically I am male, then I am a woman. If I think good sex is having sex with whoever I want to have sex with, then that is truth for me. Even my promises can be broken if they become inconvenient to me. I am the ultimate arbiter of truth.

Popular wisdom—moral relativism—encourages us to believe in ourselves and our choices irrespective of any moral code. It’s as if we can go into a values supermarket and pick and choose whatever beliefs or practices suit our fancy. We worship ourselves. We become our own idol.

According to moral relativism which is today’s popular religion, that what is moral hinges on where a person is situated, and the context in which the person lives. In other words, what you consider to be moral, or true, depends entirely on who you are and the cultural context in which you were raised. If you’re a Muslim or Jew, eating pork is immoral for you. If you are a Hindu, eating beef is immoral to you. If you’re an American or Canadian, since sleeping around is accepted, then it is okay for you.

As a result of this kind of relativism, logic and reason along with absolute truth is banished. Truth about the universe even struggles to raise its head in supposed scientific circles. Clearly, we need to return to sanity and true truth.  

I affirm what all Jesus followers must affirm. God is truth. He is the source of all truth. “Your word [Scripture] is truth” (John 17:17). God alone defines what is morally true, as he has in the ten commandments. The first two remind us that idolatry is worshipping a lie. “You shall have no other gods before me, …nor make an idol…nor worship them” (See Exodus 20:2-6). “For all the gods of the nations are idols” (Psalm 96:5). “I am the First and I am the Last, apart from me there is no God” (Is 44:6). Isaiah lampoons idol-making as taking some wood, first to cook a meal and some to fashion an idols and some more to burn to keep warm with. He would lampoon other images today. (See Isaiah 44.) Worshipping your own view of reality is as much idolatry as worshipping a golden image.

What does God think of relativism? “The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness” (Romans 1:18). Notice how wickedness is synonymous with godlessness and suppressing the truth. To uncover this godlessness God sent his son who is “the way, the truth and the life” (John 1:12). Jesus taught truth and he died for truth on the cross as the atonement for our wicked idolatry. Those who became his followers testified; “We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth” (John 1:1,14).

It’s time for a rejection of nonsense and a revival of revealed truth. God, the creator of all things, established the law of consistency, reason, and moral holiness. Nonsense is not truth. Imagination is not truth. Saying something is true for me or a Muslim or a Hindu or an American does not make it true.

God is true, his word is true, all his promises are true; he is the faithful God. So let’s jettison idolatry and embrace God is truth.

Florida Road Trip, #3 – Marie Selby Botanical Gardens

FLORIDA ROAD TRIP #3 – Marie Selby Botanical Gardens

One of the delights of a visit to Sarasota, Florida is the lush landscaping throughout the city and especially a visit to the Marie Selby Botanical Gardens in the downtown. The Marie Selby Botanical Gardens is a 15-acre botanical garden located at 900 South Palm Avenue in Sarasota, Florida. The Gardens are located on the grounds of the former home of Marie and William Selby. 

I was quite taken by all the wide avenues with lands separated by stately palms and tropical plantings. (Unfortunately, I didn’t think to take pictures of these avenues.) Why does not Canada with such abundant land not demand that all new feeder roads be avenues with lanes separated by beautiful plantings. Where are our city planners? Melbourne Australia impressed me for the same reason

A Florida Road Trip

BEACH LIFE and SUNSETS

During my trip to Florida I experienced the beach life, visits to the Everglades with their gators, an Airboat ride through a mangrove swamp, exciting views of birds, wanders through markets, a visit to a wonderful botanical garden, a road trip on the Keys, and a glorious sunset.

I am thankful to my family for overcoming my extreme reticence to take such a trip and especially to Debbie and Brian for hosting me in their condo. I’m also grateful to Stephen for interrupting his business to drive me through the Everglades and along the Keys, and take me on an airboat tour of the everglades. Then there was my grandson Luke and his girlfriend Marie who drove my car down while I flew south so that we could share driving on the return trip to Canada.  

God is good—all the time.

Let me share some of my impressions by first giving you a glimpse of beach life, collecting shells, and a wonderful sunset evening.

2 – AIRBOATS AND GATERS

No visit to Florida would be complete without venturing beyond the beaches into the Everglades for an up-close visit with alligators and an airboat ride. Fortunately, Stephen, my oldest son, interrupted his business to make sure I had experiences in Florida’s wild side. First we visited a thriving church in Naples then drove along highway 41 through the Everglades to Florida City which became our base for two days. One day we had a leisurely drive along the Keys and the next day returned to Sarasota along Alligator Alley (highway 75). But before we left the Everglades we had a thrilling airboat ride through a mangrove swamp. Here are a few pictures of the gators, birds we saw, and the airboat ride. The pilot stopped in a narrow channel through the mangrove swamp to regale us with stories, including about giant pythons thriving in the swamps, 5 of which he has killed.

These posts will continue.

(Let me know your thoughts on this subject. If you appreciate this blog, please pass it on. Further articles, books, and stories at:  Facebook: Eric E Wright Twitter: @EricEWright1 LinkedIn: Eric Wright ; Eric’s books are available at: https://www.amazon.com/Eric-E.-Wright/e/B00355HPKK%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share)

Navigating the Anniversary of Mary Helen’s Home-going – A Man’s Journey Through Grief, #32

A year has passed. I intend this to the be the last post in which I describe rather candidly my journey through grief. To some these laments have been in poor taste. To you I apologize. Writing had helped me handle the profound sense of loss I have felt in the death of my wife of 61 years. And it has also been my hope that these musings, especially for men, have either helped them in their own loss or prepared them for what may inevitably come. I have tried to be transparent and candid.

Many who have experienced grief have warned me that anniversaries will be extremely hard. As I approached the anniversary of Mary Helen’s home going, I was concerned about how it might affect me.

Yet, during the weeks leading up to that February 17th date, I was fairly stable emotionally. I had a neighbour over for coffee. I was able to get on with life without plunging into overt grief. I could even look at Mary Helen’s pictures and rejoice at the life we had together. My week was organized. I was making progress with a couple of writing projects, posting on Facebook, and scheduling some exercise.

But. There was a big but. I was fighting deep seated loneliness. It’s not that there were many tears. I just felt like a fifth wheel, even at church. Returning home from some event, the condo would echo with emptiness. It wasn’t that I was inactive. Rather I kept myself busy, but as I looked off into the future it was very hard to dispel a sense of gloom. I asked myself if this was the way it was going to be for the years I had left down here. A few special events, a few fun activities, a day here, a day there when I could keep myself distracted, perhaps a road trip or two. Only to return to my solo life.

I tend to be somewhat pessimistic. I should have been bubbling over with thankfulness for all that God had continued to do through 61 years. Probably, those who are more gregarious than I will find this grief-process less difficult.

I was mulling this over one day when my crazy phone shattered my carefully constructed demeanor. I had hit some random key and suddenly it was parading a series of photos and videos of Mary Helen. I lost it. They reminded me again about her gentle sweetness and the patient and thoughtful person she was. Her strong faith. The one who had always been there beside me, smiling, talking, listening, forgiving, loving. Like a blow it hit me that I was severed from the comfort of her presence for the rest of my natural life.

Probably sensing the approach of renewed grief during the days around the anniversary of Mary Helen’s death, my family took steps to surround me with their love. John, our youngest, invited me to join his family for a week-end up north in a rented cottage. The whole family urged me to accept Debbie and Brian’s invitation to join them at their condo for a two-week vacation in Florida. I was very reticent to go; checking that my passport was valid, booking a flight, and getting health insurance. One of my grandsons and his girl friend even offered to drive my car down and return with me.

The family was very wise. My time in Florida turned into a memorable vacation. I reveled in the tropical flowers and trees, the abundant birds, and sunsets on the beach. Stephen, our oldest son, took me on a great road trip through the everglades, on an airboat run through a mangrove swamp, and a drive through the Keys. The trip home with Luke and Marie, added to the whole Florida experience, has now joined other special times in my memory bank.

Although I returned to piles of snow, I realize that my Florida road trip did much to occupy my thoughts during what could have been a traumatic few weeks. And as I look back over the past year, I see progress. God has used family and friends to take the sharp edge off my grief. I’m once again joining the guys as we dive into the Scriptures. I’m collating all the pictures I have taken. And for the first time, I’ve been able to look at some of the videos we took during Mary Helen’s long decline in health.

As expected, tears still come as I think of her. Even today, the glimpse of a couple of her dresses that I have not passed on brought on a deep sense of loss.

Let me admit something I haven’t mentioned in previous posts. I’m extremely lonely for Mary Helen. I’m a one-woman man; there’s no doubt about that. But I wonder if part of my intense sense of isolation is due to the importance women have always had in my life. My mother. My daughter. Friends we made through Mary Helen, many of them women. Ever since I’ve been widowed, I’ve had to keep a distance from former female friends. That is wise because I have been in a very vulnerable position as a lonely man.

Many widowers, much younger than me, have, after a reasonable time, found romance. I know that I am well beyond the age when romance is possible. But I do wonder if the lack of female conversation is part of my problem. I often talk with the men I know. We have rapport on the subjects men talk about. But life is not just a male thing. Women often contribute a more sensitive perspective on suffering, relationships, family, and even biblical discipleship. Perhaps I am longing for platonic relationships with women where romance is off the table but friendship that includes real rapport and support comes to the fore. Are platonic relationships with women possible? Doesn’t the Bible say we are to treat other women as sisters? I don’t know if such is possible.

On another front, I need to balance my sense of loneliness with a realistic sense of how fortunate I am to be able to carry on an independent lifestyle in our own condo. I clearly need to remind myself daily about the benefits I enjoy as a self-directed man who is able to organize my own life. That life includes a good mixture of social gatherings for Bible study and worship. It includes coffee with friends and lively discussions at book clubs. It includes an ongoing ministry on social media which, in some limited sense, must take the place of the preaching and teaching that occupied me for many decades. I love to write about the great biblical themes. I love to blog. That must continue.

A year on since Mary Helen was called home, my grief has moderated. It will never disappear completely. My life continues to be a work in progress. Most important, during this last year, I have drawn closer to the Lord. I have a deeper relationship with Him. I talk to him throughout the day. He understands and comforts me in my loss.

As I foresee concluding these episodes in my journey through grief, I know that the future is bright. After all, there is no end to the future. At his appointed time, it will continue in heaven where I will see Jesus in his glory, and, along with Mary Helen and all our redeemed friends, we will celebrate redemption. “I’ll understand it better by and by.”

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