Ipsita Banerjee's Blog, page 15

Things they do not tell you...

We women never have it easy....after we are married, barely have we settled down that well-meaning relatives and friends urge us to have babies. It's like a conspiracy, they get together and drop broad hints that  are designed to make us feel incomplete just because we have not started a family. Yet.
I was married in 1996. In 1998 my father-in-law moved to Andhra Pradesh. Obviously, we visited often, and would often meet his colleagues and their families. I clearly remember the look of disappointment in the faces of the ladies when they heard I had been married for two years but had, as yet, failed to produce any children. There was sorrow, pity even, writ large on their faces.
It's not that we did not want children, it's just that we were in no tearing hurry either.
All in good time.
So that's how it was. In good time, my daughters were born: one after the other, in fact they are just about 13 months apart.
So, do the Math, for about three years continuously, I was either pregnant or lactating. My husband forgot what it was like to drive fast, we were constantly careful and holidays, if we dared take one, were planned with great deliberation.
Besides that, once the older child was born, I realised there are a good many things that well-meaning relatives, aunts and other mothers do not tell you.

They don't tell you that for the next few months you will be running about with your hair standing on end, smelling of curdled milk and poo and wish you could just go to sleep anywhere, anytime.
They do not tell you that for the rest of your life you will forget what it was like when it was just you and your husband and you used to come home from a party and pull the curtains just as the birds began to sing outside.
They do not tell you that the mere thought of any harm coming to your child would keep you sitting bolt upright. Every night.
They do not tell you that your toddler will open your eyes with two grubby fingers when you are finally getting that nap and ask, "are you awake?"
They certainly do not tell you that hence forth your life is not your own and anything that can go wrong will do so, specially when you are in the loo.
They don't tell you that once in a while you will actually lock yourself in the loo and pray for peace and quiet!
They don't tell you that there will be a time when going out to buy Pediasure will be the high point of your week!
They don't tell you that your heart will break into a million pieces each time your child is hurt or has fever and clings to you and you are helpless to stop it.

Yes, a few years have passed. My daughters are now 14 and 15. Well on their way to becoming mature young adults, did you say?
Ha.

They don't tell you that being a mother is a full time job that does not have a retirement age.
They don't tell you that once you've gotten past the potty training, there is always a new challenge coming up.
They don't tell you that you will now lie awake, sleepless worrying about the studies that they are not doing because they have no idea of what the real world rat race is like.
They don't tell you that you will feel guilty when they do not do well in their studies because you will feel somehow responsible.
They don't tell you that if ever anyone praises your child you will feel like you just started floating on air and will start beaming like the stadium lights.
They do not tell you that you will worry about the boys they meet in tuition class and the men on the road as they go out and you will want to follow them everywhere.
They do not tell you that it will take every ounce of self restraint and courage that you have to NOT follow them everywhere.
They do not tell you how, on Mother's Day they will buy you a gift you do not need with money taken from you and then run loose in your kitchen and you will do your best to be happy about it.
They don't tell you how relieved you will be that Mother's Day only comes once a year!
They do not tell you how tears spring to your eyes each time you sense they are hurt or upset.
Most of all they do not tell you how lonely the house feels when the children are not home and you worry that all too soon they will fly the nest and your heart will fly with them.

For they never, never tell you that from the day you become a mother till the day you die your heart will belong to your children and you will forever be wearing it on your sleeve.

(This was written for a contest entry. The original post is here:  http://www.mycity4kids.com/parenting/... )

The A to Z Reflections Post

Ah. So it's time to reflect on the past month. Let's see now, what do I have to say?

I took up this challenge for the first time last year. I was ill prepared, to say the least. Every morning found be frantically banging away at my computer trying to find thoughts to match the word I had chosen.
This year, I decided I was going to be more organised. So I chose myself a theme: Food. Something I am comfortable about as I quite fancy myself as a home cook. So there it was; A theme staring me in the face.
Also, April was a busy month: we had visitors and we had a lot of long weekends which meant I would not be able to put in that much time in front of the PC. So I tried to schedule some of my posts. Some came naturally, some seemed forced. And sometimes I'd wake up in the morning with an idea rattling in my head and decide I did not like my scheduled post at all... then I'd be at the computer typing away for all I am worth to get to the post and change it before the scheduled time!
The spouse, frankly thought I've finally lost it all, all at once!

Oh yes, It's been fun.
Would I do it again!
You bet!

'Z' is for Ziti ... . A to Z Challenge Day 26.

When I got married, my nephew was all of three and my niece almost two. They were the first children I had seen at close quarters. They quite easily wormed their ways into my heart and I took to taking them out with me all over the place: be it shopping, loafing about or swimming. Yes, swimming was the high point in all our lives!

Then, a few years later came my own two daughters, born a year apart. They were followed by another niece and then a few years later, another nephew. The latest additions to our family are three month old twins: a boy and a girl. As a result I am now a proud 'parent' of eight children, whose ages range from 22 to 3 months!!!! Two of them have left home. One lives in Canada and visits annually. The older niece is in Bangalore but currently at home on vacation. 
And I love to take them swimming. In fact that's one thing we all love to do. Right from the time they were small we had these outings when we would go to the club, have a leisurely swim and lunch...
"So what has all this got to do with ziti or even food?" you ask. 
Thing is, and I will never understand why, on each and every one of these outings someone or the other always, but always, orders the Club Macaroni and Cheese. In fact even the fussiest eater of the day (and that crown moves around) cannot say no to Mac and Cheese. I have tried it sometimes, its the same horrible bland taste every time. So the other day I said I'd make them Mac and Cheese at home. The youngest one, all of five, piped up. "But it won't be like this one here!" True. *Sigh*
So the other day at the store, I found a packet of Ziti. I've decided I'm going to make a nice meat sauce with bacon and sausages and I'm going to bake it with cheese.... And I'll call my children over for dinner!!!

And since this is the last day of the challenge I leave you with a happy picture of me and 6 of my kids.... just after a satisfying meal that had a lot of Mac and Cheese! 

"Y" for Yours. A to Z Challenge Day 25.

There's no one quite like your mother.
Or anyone who cooks like her.
Or anyone who can take the place of your father.
Or the time he spent teaching a little girl to poach eggs
All the times you tried to cook and failed
Or the times you were sure you screwed up up but didn't.
Or the joy you felt when your meal was praised
Or the way you squirmed when the salt was too much
There's that kitchen you call your very own
A five-star affair...or is it a hole in the wall?
Too small, too big, just about right...
Where you conjure dishes day and night
That oven, that old pan with the loose handle
That measuring cup that has seen better days
That old cooker that was a wedding gift
Those serving dishes you use with care...

All that...every moment
you spend cooking
spreading smiles
sharing love
are special
are all YOURS!

"X" is for Xacuti. A to Z Challenge Day 24.

Xacuti is a Goan curry. You can make it with fish or mutton or chicken but the recipe I want to share today is with prawn. If you like Indian curries, this will certainly be a favourite. Just adjust the cooking time if you are using chicken or meat.

INGREDIENTS:

Prawns (medium size) 1 cup tossed gently with a little salt and pepper.Onions (large) 1 chopped finely.Coconut grated 3/4 cupNutmeg powder 1/2 tspCoriander seeds 3/4/tspCumin seeds 1/2 tspTamarind paste 1/2 tspPoppy seeds 1/2 tspFennel seeds 1/2 tspDried red chillies : 3/4Star Anise 2/3 (optional)Cinnamon 1 (1 inch) pieceCloves 2/3Oil: 1 tbspSalt: to tasteMETHOD:
Dry roast the coconut till it turns lightly brown. Keep aside.Dry roast the coriander seeds, cumin seeds, poppy seeds, fennel, cloves, cinnamon, dried chillies and star anise, if using till a nice aroma comes out. Do not burn. I usually do this in a tawa over a low flame once the tawa is hot, Gring the dry roasted seeds with the coconut into a smooth paste. Add as little water as possible. Heat oil and fry the chopped onion. When it starts to brown, add the masala and fry till the oil separates. Add the prawn and fry for about 3/4 minutes mixing the prawns in the masala nicely. Add some water and cook till prawns are done. Do not over cook as the prawns will turn rubbery and hard. Add nutmeg powder, tamarind and cook for 2 minutes till blended. This is lovely with rice or roti but it's really special with local paos (buns)!  

"W" is for Wednesday Dinners. A to Z Challenge Day 23.

Growing up, my Mom was a Librarian at our school. We had a lady who used to take care of us. She seemed to have been around forever, Pramilla was her name. Most of our childhood memories have Pramilla there somewhere.
Now this Pramilla used to have a evening off every week. Every Wednesday after we returned from school in the afternoon, Pramilla would take off to be with her family and not return until the next day.
Hence, on Wednesday nights, without fail, my mother cooked dinner.

And Ma never made rice and daal and boring stuff. Often it was roast mutton. Or chicken. Sometimes Moussaka. Or Shammi kababs. Caramel custard. Lamb chops cooked to perfection, chicken shaslik, grilled fish, meat loaf..... the whole house was infused with delicious aromas emanating from the kitchen. We'd help in whatever way we could but Mom was happy and cheerful those evenings although the utensils piled up in the sink. After the cooking was over, my Mom would have a shower, wear some perfume and dress up nicely and wait for my father to return.

I never could figure it out. Then. It made no sense.
But, oh yes, we all loved Wednesdays, specially at dinnertime! 

"V" is for Vindaloo. A to Z Challenge, Day 22.

In college we were a hungry lot.
(I've already said that.)
In any case, days before we were coming home for our holidays, we used to be dreaming of all the delicious goodies we would eat when we got home!
Those were the days of the snail mail. Long distance phone calls were a luxury I could ill-afford. So six weeks before I was due to go home I would start penning the menu that should be waiting for me from the day I reached home. I still remember my favourite orders: Aam Shoal (a fish spiced with raw mangoes), dahi vada (no one still makes it like my mother!) Mangshor jhol (mutton curry) Moussaka (we all know what that is!) and on and on it went, the list was endless.

As they say, all good things come to an end. So it was with our vacations. I don't know what made us more sad, the fact that we were leaving home or the fact that we would not be getting all the good food we got while at home... For me I am sure it was the latter.
So my mother devised a way I would not miss home food for a few more days even as I was away from home.
She made vindaloo.

The train journey from my city to a place called Kalyan, took 36 hours. After a two hour wait we boarded another train which took four hours to reach our final destination, Pune. This was provided the trains all ran on time and there were no delays or mishaps on the way. Often, these journeys across India were taken in the fiercest heat; as a college student I never travelled by air conditioned coach.

So what is Vindaloo?
Vindaloo is Goan dish made with mutton or pork or even chicken (My mom made it with mutton for me to take to college.) It is marinated in garlic and  ginger and other spices and cooked with vinegar. It is almost pickled and hence stays for a few days so it would survive the journey to college... That's when I learnt that if there is onion  and/or water in a recipe it will spoil fast. Same with potato.
Whatever.
But there I was.... miles, days away from home;

Savouring, little by little, my mother's cooking!

'U' for Ugh. A to Z Challenge Day 21.

Let's face it. Not everyone can cook. Although some people have the best of intentions and spare no effort or expense in doing it. If fact there have been times when even the best home cooks do screw up. I've done it: experimented with something, tasted it and gone "UGH. That cannot be how it is supposed to be!"
So every once in a while you may be invited for dinner or given something to eat and although it looks presentable enough, when you taste it your heart sinks. "Ugh," you think!
So what do you do then?
Here's what I do.
I calmly finish the food, as much as I can anyway, find something on the menu that's half edible, (like the salad, maybe?), set down the plate and profusely thank the host and tell them what a wonderful meal it has been.
That's manners!

And then there are some things that make you go ugh anyway and you wouldn't touch it for the world. It may be the smell, the texture, the taste. After all, we all have our preferences.
For me, it's the smell of Bombay Duck as it's cooking.
It's the mild fish curry cooked at home day in day out. Smells too fishy, I never touch it.
It's plain boiled okra with it's slimy texture.
It's the yolk of fried egg sunny side up... could never stand it, either the taste or the texture though I know people who would kill for it. Well, almost.
It's idli and vada after more than a month of having it day in and day out at the hospital canteen. Thankfully that was temporary.

The list goes on.
So tell me, what are the food that make YOU go "ugh!"?

'T' for Toad-in-the-hole. A to Z Challenge Day 20.

Let's talk about toad in the hole.
Nope, it''s not about a big fat warty toad in a muddy hole.
It's an odd name for a dish, isn't it?
A dish made with yummy sausages and batter?
With gravy on the side....

So.
Do you like sausages?
Did I hear you say yes?
Go on then, try having a toad in the hole.

It's easy.
And.
Your kids will love it.

Here's how:

HERE"S WHAT YOU NEED:

 100g plain flour1/2 tsp mustard powder1 egg300ml milk8 plain pork sausages (okay, chicken...if you must)2 tbsp oil (canola/sunflower)2 onions, sliced. 1 tsp brown sugar500 ml chicken or beef stock HERE"S HOW YOU DO IT: Make the batter: Heat oven to 220 degrees C. Take flour in a large mixing bowl and stir in the mustard powder with a good pinch of salt. Make a well in the centre, crack in the egg, then pour in a little milk. Stir gradually adding the flour and milk until you have a smooth batter and all the milk and flour has been mixed together.The batter should be smooth and lump-free and the consistency of double cream.Keep it in a jug for easier pouring later on. Use scissors to snip the links between the sausages and drop them into a 20 x 30cm roasting tin. Add 1 tbsp of the oil, tossing the sausages in it to thoroughly coat the base of the tin and  roast in the oven for 15 mins.Cook the batter: Take the hot tray from the oven, then quickly pour in the batter – it should sizzle and bubble a little when it first hits the hot pan. Put it back into the oven, then bake for 40 mins until the batter is cooked through, well risen and crisp. If you poke the tip of a knife into the batter in the middle of the tray it should be set, not sticky or runny.Make the gravy: Soften the onions with the remaining oil in a large nonstick frying pan for about 20 mins, stirring often, until they are golden brown. Sprinkle in the sugar for the final 5 mins. Add a spoonful of flour to a little bit of stock till smooth. Add it to the onions and stir. Gradually pour in the stock, stirring well to make a smooth sauce. Bubble for 4-5 mins to thicken and season with salt and pepper. Cut the toad in the hole into large wedges and serve with the gravy spooned over.Do please let me know how the kids (or even the spouse!) reacted when you said you're serving a toad in the hole!!! 

'S" is for Sunflower Seeds. A to Z Challenge Day 19.

In college I was introduced to sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds and the like. We jokingly called them "bird-feed". They were eaten by the Arab friends of our who got packets and packets of the stuff. They were  not shelled, roasted and salted and we took to munching them and spitting out the shells. It was quite an art to do it without using your finger to shell the seed!

Cut to many years later. We were travelling in the UK with our girls who were then 4 and 5. Impressionable and sweet, they hung onto every word I said. This was their first trip Westwards. I was constantly on the alert to ensure that the knife was in the right hand, the mouth was closed while chewing, the Ps and the Qs came out at the appropriate time, the shoe laces were tied, etc etc etc. It was quite a crazy holiday!

In London, we stayed at this apartment on Queensway. It was lovely and only a short walk to Hyde's Park where we took the girls to run around. Inside the Park I let them be, I did not have to worry about table manners and, luckily, they have never been the screeching type! On one such occasion, on the way to Hyde Park, we stopped at a store to buy some juices and stuff. There I spotted a packet of sunflower seeds, the same seedless salted stuff! Nostalgic, I bought a pack,

Once inside Hyde Park, I taught them how to shell and eat the seeds... Intrigued, they tried it for some time till they got bored.
Walking back, they asked me, "what will happen if we eat those seeds?
Inspired, I replied, "why, you'll have sunflowers growing in your tummy!"

The rest of the holiday saw them munching sunflower seeds, running up to me, opening their mouths wide and asking me, "do you see the sunflowers, Ma?"
I always did.

Those were the days, were they not?