Barnabas Piper's Blog, page 81

My Dad’s Foreword to The Pastor’s Kid

The Pastor’s Kid: Finding Your Own Faith and Identity released three years ago. My dad, John Piper, was kind enough to write the foreword for it. It was a kindness because he was willing to lend his name and reputation to the work, but even more because of the first two lines he wrote, as you will see. Yet he did it any how. Here is that foreword.

 

You will ask, “Was it painful for me to read this book?”

The answer is yes. For at least three reasons.

First, it exposes sins and weaknesses and imperfections in me.

Second, it is not always clear which of its criticisms attach to me and the church I love.

Third, this is my son, and he is writing out of his own sorrows.

Writing this book has been hard. Maybe it’s more accurate to say that a lot of hardship went into writing this book, some of it in my own family and some of it through the pain of other PKs I connected with along the way. So many PKs carry so much pain and anger and sorrow with them. Some of them have fallen into bitterness, and others are rightly doing the hard work of trust in Jesus to help them through.

I am overwhelmingly thankful that Barnabas is in that last category. It took trust and courage to write this book. The road has been hard. And sometimes, as he says, “We need to pour out what is boiling in us.” When that happens, pressure is relieved and people get burned.

But Barnabas is not out to burn. Not me or any pastor. His aim is healing. “That is part of why I wrote this book,” he says, “to help PKs make sense of, sort through, and express those bottled-up frustrations and pains.” Frustrations built up from carrying an “anvil-like weight,” of being the most “watched”—“the best known and the least known people in the church.”

But the boiling over does burn. “I have been hard on pastors throughout this book. I have pointed out weaknesses and tendencies and failures. I have prodded and demanded and pushed them to be different, to change, to become aware.” My suggestion for the reader is that, if it gets too hot in the boiler room, you take a break from the heat and jump in the pool of chapter eight.

There is a stream of grace that runs through this book. You taste it along the way. But it becomes a pool at the end. A soothing. Barnabas is honest about his own struggles and failures. He has drunk deeply at the fountain of grace. He knows from experience the ultimate solution for all of us:

I desire to point to Jesus as the turner of hearts and the lifter of all burdens. . . . Grace, the undeserved favor of God, through Jesus, is the source of life and personhood and identity. . . . It is in the freedom of Jesus’ overwhelming love that the PK can break out of false expectations and see what it is that makes Jesus happy.

As it turns out, when the boiling is over, and the burns begin to heal, there is hope for PKs and pastors and churches.

“It’s not all bad news for PKs.” Through it all they have been unwitting, and sometimes unwilling, apprentices. They have seen—and many have benefited from—the bad and the good.

We have seen the pleasures of ministry. . . . Helping mend a broken marriage, praying with a heartbroken widow, serving the destitute man who knocks at the door . . . the close fellowship of a united church staff or . . . the deep, humbling satisfaction of seeing God use faithful ministry over time to right a sinking ship of a church.

Boiling over because of painful experiences may be unavoidable at some point, but Barnabas beckons his fellow PKs not to “wallow and bemoan them. Rather we must own what responsibilities are ours: to honor Jesus, to honor our fathers and mothers, to love and support the church, and to go about our lives not as victims but as the redeemed. Grace is here for all of us.”

And that includes the sinful and wounded pastors. “No man is adequate to be a pastor . . . That is a job no person is up for, not alone, not without profound grace. And that is the key to all this: grace.” And, of course, it is true for the wife and mother, watching, with tears, the drama play out between her son and husband, or bearing the weight of her daughter’s rejection.

And finally there is grace for the church. “The church is our family, it’s the family that God gave us, so don’t give up on it. There isn’t a better place out there to be restored.”

When I received the manuscript of this book and read it, I gave a copy to our seventeen year-old daughter. “Would you read this, and then talk to me about how I can be a better dad?” She did. It was a good talk. It’s not over. I suspect she will have ideas about that when she is 30 and I am 80. I hope she will be spared some sorrows because of her big brother’s book. Of course, most of that hangs on me. And, as we have seen, on grace. Which is why I appreciated Barnabas’s encouraging conclusion:

But now I want to express thanks. I want to say that PKs are blessed to have parents who devote their lives to serving Jesus. . . . So thank you, pastors (and spouses). You have given your lives to serving Jesus and His church , and that is a blessing.

He Reads Truth – The Call of Abram

I have the privilege of contributing to He Reads Truth, a website of whose purpose is “To help men become who we were made to be, by doing what we were made to do, by the power and provision that God has given us to do it, for the glory of Jesus Christ.” They do this by providing scripture reading plans accompanied by reflections that can be accessed for free online or purchased as print books. For those of you looking to engage scripture in a fresh way – either because you are dried up or have been away from it, these studies/plans will refresh your soul and engage your mind.

What follows is one of the pieces I wrote on the book of Genesis. You can find the full plan HERE.

Genesis 12:1-20, Genesis 13:1-4, Matthew 1:1-2

Faith is risky and risks are hard. It’s tough stepping out into the unknown to follow what you believe God is calling you to do.

A few years ago I lived in the suburbs of Chicago and had a decent job, when an opportunity came along for a different position in a different state that seemed like a better fit for the coming years. So I prayed, and I thought, and I followed (that’s what faith looks like most of the time) —all the way down I-65 through two intervening states to the strange and foreign southern land of Nashville. It was scary. Exhilarating and hopeful, but scary.

Abram received a much clearer and much more frightening call than I did when God told him to move from his home in Ur to some place called Canaan, away from his family ties and all that was familiar. God called him to the unknown but blessed Abram on his way, even telling Abram he would be a blessing to all nations. So Abram followed with his wife and livestock and servants. He acted in faith (Genesis 12).

Sometimes the risk of faith looks to be too much, especially when we face challenges. We realize we’re walking in the dark, that we’re in an unknown place. Yes, we followed God’s leading to get here, but what now?

Abram felt that too. There he was in Canaan, trying to make a go of things, when famine hit. For a nomadic herdsman, that was deadly. He could lose everything, even his life. What was he to do? God called him to this place, but now this? So Abram left the land God led him to and fled to Egypt, where he promptly lied about the identity of his wife to protect himself—though in the process he put her at great risk.

This is the kind of thing we do when we lose sight of the One leading us, when we forget the prompting that got us to where we are. When we forget the promise and the call, we go our own way and we inevitably fall. We stumble in the dark. We make rash decisions.

Abram’s waffling and stumbling isn’t remarkable; it’s completely normal. What’s remarkable is God’s faithfulness. God called a man to a faraway place, blessed him not just on his journey but for all time, protected him in spite of his failings, and established him in that blessing. Abram later became Abraham, and through Abraham all the nations of the world have been blessed because from Abraham came Jesus Christ, the true and living blessing (Matthew 1:1-2).

Abram isn’t so much our example of action as he is our example of hope. Is there a step of faith you need to take? Have you taken a step and fallen? Take hope; the blessing that God gave Abram is a promise we can trust no matter the risk or the stumble.

New Happy Rant: Acts 29 Goes Gala, Bucket List Items, and More

In this episode of The Happy Rant Ted, Ronnie, and Barnabas do what they always do – taken the quirks and oddities of evangelicalism and culture.

Acts 29, famous for aggressive manly preachers and faux lumberjacks hosted a gala at a nice hotel
Why do Pastor’s need special retreats and vacations?
What are our personal bucket list items?

Visit HappyRantPodcast.com to get your Happy Rant signature roast coffee from Lagares s Roasters AND to sign up for Live in Louisville, coming this October. It’s really happening, and we’d love to see you there!

To listen you can:

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Episode #152

What Does "Know Your Audience" Even Mean?

One of the most popular pieces of advice for communicators these days is “know your audience”. This is sage advice. It’s also nearly useless. It’s such an open ended piece of counsel that all meaning as has escaped. What does it mean, and if it has a meaning, how do you do it?

THE WHAT
1) Determine if you have an audience.

This is so obvious that it often gets over looked. Is your subject matter of interest to people other than yourself?  Determining this is especially important if you are seeking to sell your work (e.g. get published or get advertisers on your site). If you want people to invest time and money in your product you must first make sure there are people who will do so.

2) Determine who the prospective audience is.

This is a demographic and the more specific the better. It could be “writers”, but “fiction writers” would be even better. It could be “women” but “young professional women” would be better. Sometimes this is determined very clearly by subject, for example Moody Publishers released a book recently called First Time Dad. Guess who the audience is for that one? Other times it is a broad audience, like with many fiction works. In this case using works similar to yours to position it will help you and the reader understand what this is supposed to be. Regardless of the subject, a project should not be undertaken or pitched until there is a clear understanding of who is the targeted recipient.

3) Determine what this audience wants and needs to hear.

Many authors misguidedly start here. They have an interest in something and so they write the assumption others will be interested as well . Writing your own interests is fine if you are writing for you, but if your aim is to help others or to get published it can’t be sole determining factor.  You must find the pulse of the audiences desires and needs (they’re often not the same thing).

THE HOW

How you go about doing these things is not neatly defined. It will depend on if you start with an idea or a group of people. Let’s look at these individually.

1) Starting with an idea

If you have an idea that you want to write about then you go through the three steps above. As laid out. You do so by reading widely and surveying readers on what they have read. It is enormously helpful to find objective reviewers of your idea and your writing (emphasis on objective, those who will object to bad ideas or poor writing). As you read and survey and get feedback you will begin to find a patterns that tell you if you have an audience and specifically who they are. The last things to consider are these.

A) What has the audience already heard?

B) How was it communicated to them?

C) Is your writing different in content and/or style?

2) Starting with an audience

My sense is that this more rare, but it’s not uncommon (business books, books for soldiers, books for moms, etc.). But starting with a defined audience can be really helpful because it nullifies numbers 1 and 2 above. It puts all the emphasis on to number 3, determining what the audience wants and needs to hear. The same three questions must be asked here just as they were previously.

A) What has the audience already heard?

B) How was it communicated to them?

C) Is your writing different in content and/or style?

Knowing your audience is the most effective way to communicate with them. It is vitally important. It can also be a tremendous amount of work. But the pay-off is there because it will give you direction, give you a goal, and shape your writing into something useful.

New Happy Rant: Eugene Peterson and What Are People Even Doing?

In this episode of the Happy Rant Podcast Ted, Ronnie, and Barnabas exhibit their breadth and depth of ranting ability by tackling the week’s most pressing topic and a few that are rather mundane too.

Eugene Peterson and the Merritt-orious interview
Why do people insist on just writing him off?
What are People Even doing wearing pajamas on planes and eating like toddlers at dinner parties.

Visit HappyRantPodcast.com to get your Happy Rant signature roast coffee from Lagares s Roasters AND to sign up for Live in Louisville, coming this October. It’s really happening, and we’d love to see you there!

To listen you can:

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Episode #151

7 Rules For When You Meet a PK

I am a PK (pastor’s kid). With that comes a certain set of expectations, especially from people in the church or who know my parents. Since my dad is fairly well-known, the awareness and expectations are heightened, but really they’re the same for every PK in their individual context. Expectations make for awkward interactions and introductions. Any PK will know what I’m referring to. For the rest of you, here are seven simple rules to follow when you meet a PK.

1. Do not ask us “What is it like to be the son or daughter of ____?”

How are we supposed to answer that question? Could you easily describe being the child of your parents? Unless you’ve had multiple sets of parents you don’t really have a point of comparison which makes this a tricky one. Remember, PKs are normal people with a different upbringing than you. Please treat us that way. We think of our parents as parents, nothing more.

2. Do not quote our dads to us.

This is really and truly annoying because it comes across as one of two things. Either you are proving your piousness by being so aware of the utterances of the beloved pastor, or you are being condescending and holding our parents’ words over our heads. Three points for you for remembering the sermon! It is neither impressive nor appreciated.

3. Do not ask us anything personal you would not ask of anyone else.

If, perchance, you have gained some knowledge of a PK through a sermon illustration or book or hearsay, it is best to keep it to yourself. We don’t want to talk to you about prom dates, football games, fishing trips, car wrecks, or anything else if we don’t know you. To ask a question based on knowledge that you gained in an impersonal manner makes you look like either a stalker or a reporter. Both are creepy.

4. Do not ask us anything about our dads’ positions on anything.

“What does your dad think about ____?” is a question no PK wants to answer – not about politics, the roles of women in the church, predestination, the use of drums in the worship service, spiritual gifts, race, the latest Justin Bieber incident, or anything else. We have opinions and beliefs, though. And we like to converse. So you could ask us what we think, like a normal person.

5. Do not assume you can gain audience with the pastor through us.

That’s what the church secretary or the pastor’s assistant is for. Please let us be his children. We usually don’t have the ability to make a meeting happen, and we almost never want to. We don’t get paid enough.

6. Do not assume that we agree with all the utterances of our fathers.

I know it’s hard to believe that any child could grow up to disagree with her parents, shocking even, but it does happen. It is not kind or safe to assume that our parents’ positions are ours. And when you find out we don’t agree, please refrain from being shocked or offended. We’ll let you disagree with your parents if you let us do the same.

7. Get to know us.

This is a good rule for anyone, but it especially pertains to PKs. Just as you want people to value your opinions, personality, and character quirks, so do we. More often than not you will get a surprise. Wow, that PK actually has a sense of humor! Who knew PKs could be so fun? Wait, he said what? Leave your assumptions at the door and let us be us. You’ll probably like what you find.

This is an excerpt from my book, The Pastor’s Kid: Finding Your Own Faith and Identity. If you prefer listening to reading you can get the audiobook too. 

New Happy Rant: Patriotic Church, Paul Giamatti, Celebrity Encounters, and Camping

In this episode of the Happy Rant Ted, Ronnie, and Barnabas overcome the challenges of worldwide and domestic travel to bring you the typical ranty goodness.

Churches and patriotic church services
The reformed church tradition of anti-patriotism
Barnabas holding the door for Paul Giamatti
Other celebrity encounters
Ronnie’s first camping experience in 23 years

Visit HappyRantPodcast.com to get your Happy Rant signature roast coffee from Lagares s Roasters AND to sign up for Live in Louisville, coming this October. It’s really happening, and we’d love to see you there!

To listen you can:

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Leave us a rating in iTunes (it only takes 1 click and it really helps us).
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Episode #150

He Reads Truth – Mercy Triumphs Over Judgement

I have the privilege of contributing to He Reads Truth, a website of whose purpose is “To help men become who we were made to be, by doing what we were made to do, by the power and provision that God has given us to do it, for the glory of Jesus Christ.” They do this by providing scripture reading plans accompanied by reflections that can be accessed for free online or purchased as print books. For those of you looking to engage scripture in a fresh way – either because you are dried up or have been away from it, these studies/plans will refresh your soul and engage your mind.

What follows is one of the pieces I wrote on the book of James. You can find the full plan HERE.

James 2:1-13, Zechariah 7:9-10, Matthew 7:1-5, Romans 13:8-10

Most of us aren’t murderers or thieves or adulterers. Those sins are the “worst” of sins, the extra-double-plus bad ones. Those are the sins that clearly break God’s law. We don’t do those things. (I mean, unless you count bitterness, coveting, lust, or pornography. Moving on quickly, though.)

Yet we’re all law-breakers in one overarching way: we lack love. Wait, what? Yes, a lack of love and a lack of mercy not only break God’s law, but this is where all law breaking comes from.

James brings this to our attention by describing favoritism in the church. A wealthy person receives honor while a poor person is ignored and pushed to the fringes. The richly attired person is moved front and center while the shabby person is asked to sit in the back. In our context today, this kind of attitude and behavior dons other garments—racial favoritism, gender favoritism, generational favoritism, and cultural favoritism. We are all inclined to favor one kind of person over another. And in so doing, we fail to love as Christ loved.

We think of “love your neighbor as yourself” as the Golden Rule. That’s a cute, shiny phrase, but it undersells what Jesus calls one of the two greatest commandments. This must mean love is deeper and broader than we normally think of it—more active and big and robust and committed, not simply romantic or feely. Love must be an attitude and a perspective, even a lifestyle. It must be a shaping, defining force.

When we lack love, we judge, whether or not we are in any position to do so. We judge others more harshly than we would like to be judged and for the very things we fail at daily. We forget we will be held to the very standard by which we judge others. We are blinded by the log in our own eye while we make much of the sawdust in someone else’s.

We are all law-breakers because we lack love. For this reason, we deserve judgment and we need mercy. We need it foremost from Jesus, and we have it.

Christ’s mercy has already triumphed over judgment. But has it done so in our lives? Do we share that mercy forward and do we receive it from others? Are we shaped by it or by the desire to judge others in order to position ourselves as something we are not?

New Happy Rant: Therapy, Ben Sasse, and Adult Gamers

In this episode of The Happy Rant podcast the hosts are all back together again for a delightful reunion. They find their stride and get right back to discussing pressing topics like the following:

LIVE IN LOUISVILLE IS HAPPENING
What’s with the therapy episodes (as per a former host)?
Why do reformed folks LOVE Ben Sasse so much?
Our favorite old school video games
Adult gamers

Visit HappyRantPodcast.com to get your Happy Rant signature roast coffee AAAAAAAaaaaaand to sign up for Live in Louisville, coming this October.

To listen you can:

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Episode #149

When Evil is Good

Most parents seek to protect their children from evil. We don’t want our children to be frightened, harmed, or attracted by it. But is a parent’s protective instinct always right? Is there a time we should expose our children to evil for their good?

Imagine Frodo on his quest to reach Mount Doom but without orcs, Gollum, ring Wraiths, or Sauron’s eye. That’s not a quest. It’s a business trip.

Imagine the Pevensie children entering Narnia and meeting Aslan except without Edmund’s betrayal, the stabbing on the stone table, and the battle with the White Witch. Aslan would be a nice kitty, and it would end with a happy picnic.

Imagine Harry Potter heading off to Hogwarts to learn wizardry but never encountering Voldemort or any of his minions. We’d have ended up with seven books about pubescent crushes, mythical creatures, and quidditch. Come to think of it, that sounds a lot like Twilight on broomsticks

In the greatest stories it is evil that crystalizes and congeals the good. Only in the face of evil does character, quality, and morality step forth and play the hero. Without evil we are left with nebulous characters of ambiguous depth and uncertain morals. Without evil there is no real decision to be made as to which character we resonate with and which we would want to be.

A child ought to be scared of the scary, horrified at the horror, saddened by the tragic, but most of all delighted by the delightful and gladdened by the good. If we keep evil, the safe kind, the story kind, from our children then the good loses its luster. Evil is the backdrop against which good shines brightest, whether it be courage, sacrifice, fidelity, friendship, love, perseverance or any other truly good quality.

What is more, if we remove the evil, the good might cease to exist altogether. Without evil Frodo never would have left the Shire, the stone table never would have broken, and Harry never would have had the fortitude to sacrifice himself for the greater good. And this is true in every great story, including the greatest one. What need would there have been for a savior without a serpent?

Our children need evil. Without it they may miss the truly good.