Barnabas Piper's Blog, page 46

New Happy Rant: Aging, Wise, and Bespoke

In this episode of The Happy Rant Ted, Ronnie, and Barnabas do what they always do and wander to and fro through various topics:

Ronnie turns 50
Perspectives on aging – realism, enjoyment, and expectations
What do we get excited about
Becoming “the old guy”
Fight the powers that be
Done with “bespoke”

BARNABAS’S FORTHCOMING BOOK

[image error]As discussed in today’s episode, Barnabas has a new book releasing later this year, Hoping For Happiness: Turning Life’s Most Elusive Feeling into Lasting Reality. This book seeks to throw off both the unrealistic expectations that end in disappointment and the guilty sense that Christians are not meant to have fun. He shows how having a clear view of the reality of the fall and the promise of redemption frees us to live a life that’s grounded, hopeful, and genuinely happy.

3 Things Pastors’ Kids Need From Their Churches

Everyone in church notices the pastor’s kids. People don’t think about noticing them, it just happens. I grew up as a PK, the son of John Piper, and even I notice PKs. It’s almost impossible to avoid. They’re like the first children of the church.

Don’t think you notice them? Here’s what it looks like.

You know things about their personal lives you don’t know about any other kid in the church: where they’re going to college, who they took to prom, that they just got braces, that they got pulled over for speeding last week. You make comments about their behavior to them or to anyone else. “Did you see his new tattoo?” “You can’t talk like that; you’re the pastor’s kid.” “Can you believe she wore that to church?” “Pastors’ kids should know better than to run in church.” You expect them to speak out in Sunday school, to pray, to lead. You have a tacit standard for them as PKs. You hold them to a higher standard than their peers in church, and you’re not even trying to do so.

What you might not realize is how this makes PKs feel.

They feel like people are always watching. The fact that you know personal things about them makes them hyper aware of you watching, listening, knowing.

They feel like there is no room for mistakes. People watch them. People tell them how to act. People have a standard for them. What pressure! They know they’re going to screw up, but how can they with everyone watching?

They feel as if they have to have it all together, to have a firm faith and a solid family life. No room for questions or doubts. No chance to wonder or wander. No struggles allowed. And really, who could they ask any way?

But you can help them. You can encourage PKs. Here are three ways.

1) Let PKs be themselves.

For better and worse, let PKs be themselves. One of the hardest parts of being a PK is being what others expect you to be without ever being able to find out who you are. Remember how you came to faith? Remember how you’ve grown in faith? I bet it was through struggles, through mistakes, through seeing the profound grace of God when you needed it most. I bet it came when you connected with Jesus in the deeply personal way instead of trying to be perfect or live up to someone else’s expectations. That’s exactly what PKs need—the room to connect with Jesus like that. And it might be a winding road with mistakes along the way, in fact it probably will be. But that’s OK.

2) Don’t ask anything of a PK you wouldn’t ask of anyone else.

One of the hardest things about being a PK is being known of by so many people you don’t know. It’s compounded when you interact as if you’re friends even though they can’t even remember your name. When you delve into their personal life, it doesn’t feel like friends talking; it feels like an invasion of privacy. Even more so when you demand that they act a certain way. When seven boys are sprinting around the church lobby, why stop the PK? When all the high school girls are dressing a certain way, why call out the PK? Step back and realize that you might be unwittingly piling expectations and scrutiny on them even though your motives are pure.

3) Befriend them as a friend, not as a novelty.

PKs need friends they can trust, friends who care nothing about their last name and everything about their personhood. They need friends who will love them for who they are not because of their daddy’s position in the church. They need friends who will help them, push them, listen to them and not judge them. These kinds of friends are the ones around whom PKs can begin to figure out who they really are, who God really is, and what it means to love Jesus in a personal way, not just a way that meets expectations.

[image error]For more on serving pastors’ kids (and their families) well and the challenges they face check out my book The Pastor’s Kid: What It’s Like and How to Help.

This post was originally published at ChurchLeaders.com

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Published on June 12, 2020 03:42

Pastor’s Kids, If I Knew Then What I Know Now . . .

I wouldn’t worry so much about what other people think.

People’s opinions are only that—opinions. They shouldn’t dictate what I do or don’t do, especially when it comes to my lifestyle. I still struggle with this as a grown man with my own family. Once upon a time it was what kind of music I listened to or what words I used. Now it’s more like how I spend my money or raise my kids.

I’ve only been able to get comfortable looking directly to the Bible for a standard within the last few years, realizing there are lots of things church people freak out about that God doesn’t. If I had found peace living up to God’s standards instead of people’s standards, I would have been a whole lot happier and avoided a mess of trouble I got myself into.

I’d dig into God’s Word with the purpose of knowing God better.

The Bible is a great story, not just a Sunday school curriculum. And it’s alive! I was so used to hearing about and being surrounded by Scripture that I missed its wonder. It took a major breakdown before I could come back to the Bible and see that it’s so much more than lessons, theology, and morals. It’s a narrative of God’s redeeming power and love. It’s a revelation of His character and work, and the Holy Spirit speaks into the fiber of our hearts if we’re willing. The Bible was a burden before I realized this; now it’s life!

I’d dream big and not feel guilty about it.

It’s ok to do something “secular” with your life. Secular is a distinction that church people made up to protect the sanctity of the church. What it really did was create a hierarchy between “Christian” work and “unchristian” work.

What matters is whether you are able to do what you do in a way that honors God. Do you have a mind for business? Go to Wall Street. Are you an artist? Paint a picture of something beautiful (and it doesn’t have to be Jesus). Love journalism? Get that gig with the New York Times or The Atlantic.

God gave you gifts and passions so you could maximize them and He would get the glory from you, his beautiful created child.

I’d bask in God’s undivided attention and affection for me.

God likes you. I’m sure you’ve been told that God loves you, but do you realizes that He likes you? I didn’t. In my world, the theology was so big and heady that I was often amazed by God and in wonder of Him, but not close to Him.

You may have come from a background where God was talked about mostly as a judge, so you fear Him or fear displeasing Him. But God really likes you. He enjoys you as a child.

I have two little girls, and they’re much more than my responsibility. I don’t just provide for them and keep them in line. I enjoy them. They make me really happy. And I want them to know it. And God feels like that toward His children, except to infinity and with perfection.

I wouldn’t even think of giving up on the church.

No matter how much it hurt you, church is worth sticking with. Maybe it’s not the church you grew up in, but finding one where you can be honest with your struggles and hurt is worth it. Finding one that will embrace you is worth it.

Just make sure it’s a church that puts Jesus first and not you or anyone else. You can’t afford to leave the church. You need it and it needs you. Your soul was made to be part of a community of souls, not solo. Stand by the church. The Bible call’s it Jesus’ Bride, and I have a suspicion He cares an awful lot about her. So should we.

[image error]For more on serving pastors’ kids (and their families) well and the challenges they face check out my book The Pastor’s Kid: What It’s Like and How to Help.

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Published on June 10, 2020 04:23

New Happy Rant: Solving America

In this episode of The Happy Rant Ted, Ronnie, and Barnabas sort of do what they always do and wander to and fro through a few select topics:

What is there to be hopeful about in America?
Eschatology and the end of America
What is the upside of all this upheaval?
What are our fears?
Hypocrisy and Bravery online

Sponsors

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Order Your Coffee

WE ARE COFFEE MOGULS AGAIN. We’ve joined forces with Redbud Coffee, based out of Auburn IL, to bring you deliciously roasted and beautifully packaged coffee. Check out their variety of roasts and be sure to use the code HappyRant at checkout to get a 10% discount off your purchase.

Be sure to visit HappyRantPodcast.com where you can:

Order your Redbud coffee
Connect with Ted, Ronnie, or Barnabas to speak for your church, organization, or event
Support the podcast through our Patreon page . This helps us cover production and hosting costs so we can keep this thing rolling

To listen you can:

Subscribe in iTunes.
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Listen using the player below.

Episode #299

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Published on June 10, 2020 03:54

7 Traits of Meaningful Authenticity in a Small Group

What do blind dates, your first meeting with a therapist, and joining a small group have in common?

They all feel like complete gambles. You walk in, meet strangers, and try to figure out how to be the kind of honest that develops a relationship but not the kind that makes you sound crazy.

The difference between a small group and the other two scenarios is that this is happening between eight or 12 or 20 people, not just two.

Developing the kind of honest authenticity (as opposed to internet influencer “authenticity”) that makes small groups meaningful can be scary, takes intentionality, and is always a gift from God.

Here are seven traits of true authenticity in a group.

1. Willingness to take a risk

Vulnerability is scary between two people, so opening up about something shameful, scary, or deeply personal in a group can be terrifying.

It’s also the only way for a group to be truly honest with one another. Someone needs to go first. Then someone needs to go second. Then it needs to happen with increasing regularity.

Once will make people feel a little weird. Regular honesty will draw people together.

2. Responding with grace

When someone cuts open their life and reveals the difficult or the ugly aspects to the group, nothing is louder than silence. A response of spoken grace—something like “thank you for telling us, that took guts”—allows them to breathe again.

Following that up with caring questions and immediate prayer shows the whole group that it’s safe to be honest and that all struggles are taken to Jesus’ feet first.

3. Asking bold questions

“How are you?” is a fine question—if you mean it.

Do you really want to know how the other person is? Are you prepared for an honest answer? It’s even better to ask detailed questions about things they’ve mentioned previously, and this means listening and remembering.

You don’t need to remember everything about everyone in your group, but grab hold of a couple needs and ask about them.

4. Answering questions honestly

If people are going to ask boldly then you must answer honestly. “How are you?” can’t have a canned “fine” as a response.

It’s an open door for authenticity, so take it. Tell people if you’re really struggling or it’s been a garbage week or your kids are on your last nerve.

Yes, this feels risky, but it’s a risk with the potential reward of encouragement, prayer, help, and deeper friendships in the Lord.

All you get by saying “fine” is more time carrying your burden by yourself.

5. No euphemisms

Authenticity doesn’t hide behind opaque phrases.

If you’re on the verge of divorce you’re not “having some struggles in your marriage.” If you’re addicted to porn you aren’t “battling some sexual sin” and if you’re battling deep depression you’re not “having a down week.”

Authenticity doesn’t go for shock value; it speaks truth. It calls sin “sin,” fear “fear,” and need “need.” Conversely, it praises and thanks and honors for specific answers to prayer and to people by name.

6. Asking for help

If vulnerability is an all-in gamble, asking for help feels like betting money we don’t even have.

That’s because in a sense, it is. We’re all lacking. We’re not able to be Christians, spouses, parents, employees, bosses, ministers, friends, or just about anything else on our own.

Yet we’re loath to simply say, “I need help.” In a group marked by honesty, people learn to express need and ask for help in real, specific ways—even when it shows weakness or makes them look bad.

Ray Ortlund, the founding pastor of Immanuel Church in Nashville where I serve, often said, “You can be impressive or you can be known, but you can’t be both.”

Asking for help really makes us known, and, while that is scary, it’s also the best.

7. Sacrificial help

In a group marked by God’s grace a person asking for help is simply a glimpse into a mirror. We know our own needs. We know our weakness. Jesus said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

So when someone else reveals their need we don’t scoff or judge or distance ourselves. We love as Jesus loved, sacrificially and readily. Their need becomes our need because we are one body.

The net effect of these traits is a group of people deeply aware of each other’s needs and struggles, prone to pray first for any problem, and willing to welcome in a new person at a moment’s notice.

This is because true honesty and authenticity stem from humility before God. They aren’t sustainable by techniques and efforts but only by a constant awareness of our own need and Christ’s great mercy.

When we have that, the risk and sacrifice are worth it every time and over time.

This Article was originally published at Facts & Trends and is used with permission.

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Published on June 09, 2020 03:09

My Dad’s Foreword to The Pastor’s Kid

[image error]You will ask, “Was it painful for me to read this book?”

The answer is yes. For at least three reasons.

First, it exposes sins and weaknesses and imperfections in me.

Second, it is not always clear which of its criticisms attach to me and the church I love.

Third, this is my son, and he is writing out of his own sorrows.

Writing this book has been hard. Maybe it’s more accurate to say that a lot of hardship went into writing this book, some of it in my own family and some of it through the pain of other PKs I connected with along the way. So many PKs carry so much pain and anger and sorrow with them. Some of them have fallen into bitterness, and others are rightly doing the hard work of trust in Jesus to help them through.

I am overwhelmingly thankful that Barnabas is in that last category. It took trust and courage to write this book. The road has been hard. And sometimes, as he says, “We need to pour out what is boiling in us.” When that happens, pressure is relieved and people get burned.

But Barnabas is not out to burn. Not me or any pastor. His aim is healing. “That is part of why I wrote this book,” he says, “to help PKs make sense of, sort through, and express those bottled-up frustrations and pains.” Frustrations built up from carrying an “anvil-like weight,” of being the most “watched”—“the best known and the least known people in the church.”

But the boiling over does burn. “I have been hard on pastors throughout this book. I have pointed out weaknesses and tendencies and failures. I have prodded and demanded and pushed them to be different, to change, to become aware.” My suggestion for the reader is that, if it gets too hot in the boiler room, you take a break from the heat and jump in the pool of chapter eight.

There is a stream of grace that runs through this book. You taste it along the way. But it becomes a pool at the end. A soothing. Barnabas is honest about his own struggles and failures. He has drunk deeply at the fountain of grace. He knows from experience the ultimate solution for all of us:

I desire to point to Jesus as the turner of hearts and the lifter of all burdens. . . . Grace, the undeserved favor of God, through Jesus, is the source of life and personhood and identity. . . . It is in the freedom of Jesus’ overwhelming love that the PK can break out of false expectations and see what it is that makes Jesus happy.

As it turns out, when the boiling is over, and the burns begin to heal, there is hope for PKs and pastors and churches.

“It’s not all bad news for PKs.” Through it all they have been unwitting, and sometimes unwilling, apprentices. They have seen—and many have benefited from—the bad and the good.

We have seen the pleasures of ministry. . . . Helping mend a broken marriage, praying with a heartbroken widow, serving the destitute man who knocks at the door . . . the close fellowship of a united church staff or . . . the deep, humbling satisfaction of seeing God use faithful ministry over time to right a sinking ship of a church.

Boiling over because of painful experiences may be unavoidable at some point, but Barnabas beckons his fellow PKs not to “wallow and bemoan them. Rather we must own what responsibilities are ours: to honor Jesus, to honor our fathers and mothers, to love and support the church, and to go about our lives not as victims but as the redeemed. Grace is here for all of us.”

And that includes the sinful and wounded pastors. “No man is adequate to be a pastor . . . That is a job no person is up for, not alone, not without profound grace. And that is the key to all this: grace.” And, of course, it is true for the wife and mother, watching, with tears, the drama play out between her son and husband, or bearing the weight of her daughter’s rejection.

And finally there is grace for the church. “The church is our family, it’s the family that God gave us, so don’t give up on it. There isn’t a better place out there to be restored.”

When I received the manuscript of this book and read it, I gave a copy to our seventeen year-old daughter. “Would you read this, and then talk to me about how I can be a better dad?” She did. It was a good talk. It’s not over. I suspect she will have ideas about that when she is 30 and I am 80. I hope she will be spared some sorrows because of her big brother’s book. Of course, most of that hangs on me. And, as we have seen, on grace. Which is why I appreciated Barnabas’s encouraging conclusion:

But now I want to express thanks. I want to say that PKs are blessed to have parents who devote their lives to serving Jesus. . . . So thank you, pastors (and spouses). You have given your lives to serving Jesus and His church , and that is a blessing.

– John Piper

I’m grateful for my dad’s honest words and consistent love and support for me throughout my entire life.

And I’m grateful that he read this foreword for the forthcoming audio book too. Keep an eye out for it.

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Published on June 01, 2020 04:08

Some thoughts on Race, America, and Christian Response

How did the overwhelming tragedy in Minneapolis happen?

(Feel free to substitute Baltimore or Ferguson or Louisville or, or, or . . .)

The sinfulness of mankind

Born out over hundreds of years

As one group of people oppresses another

For the color of their skin or their country of origin

And it is not limited to our southern states

Nor to the distant past

Remember, the Civil Rights movement didn’t end in victory

It ended with assassinations, lynchings with guns.

So rage and fear and despair build in that people

For what is their crime but being what God made them?

Until one day an officer harms, no, kills a black man

For the uncountedth time

And the fuse is lit

On the pressurized explosive incendiary device

Of an oppressed and unheard people

So they explode in protests and riots

The language of the unheard

But then, as is so often the case, sin finds a way

The riots become the story,

Those “thugs” and law-breakers become the headlines

And the fuse is forgotten

And centuries are forgotten

And oppression and injustice are ignored

Again and again and again

As George Floyd (or Breonna Taylor, or Michael Brown, or Freddie Gray, or, or, or . . .)

Fades into the background

And political posturing

And cultural white washing opportunism moves to the front

The riots that began with pure rage aged in despair

Become anger infused with greed

By some who simply want to destroy and wreak havoc

And very likely smear a bad name and spray a rotten stench

On all who are protesting peaceably with cause

There’s a time for war and a time for peace

A time to speak and a time to be silent

But for our black brothers and sisters

It seems it is always the time for peace and silence

Never the time to demonstrate or speak

Or protest or fight

But what choice have we left them?

We ask for peace but do not protect it

We demand it but do not honor it or provide it.

The burden of peace in America

Lies on the oppressed and the downtrodden

They must uphold the ease of the oppressors

Now a word to my fellow white Christians:

To call this a “sin issue” or a “gospel issue” is true

Profoundly true, and more than we are ready to recognize

Unless you intend to hide behind those phrases

And use them as a get-out-conflict-free ticket

Or foist the blame for unrest on the oppressed

This tragedy, this unrest, is a sin issue

The gospel is the ultimate resolution to it

The good news of Jesus is the peace the world needs

And the promise of His return is our hope

When our cities are burning

And our leaders are absent

But those are not life boats to escape the Titanic

Of racial and societal upheaval

They are a summons, a call, a command

On our lives to follow Christ and be He was

To lay down our lives for others

To love our enemies

To see that in Christ there is no Jew or gentile

But that we are one

It is your brother who was killed when his neck was kneeled on

And your brother who killed him

And your sisters and mothers who mourn him

And your sons who rage with bricks in hand

And your sons adorned in riot gear and wielding weapons

Christ loves sinners.

Christ loves justice.

Christ loves the oppressed.

Christ loves black.

Christ loves white.

So we do not get to choose a side

We do not get to choose whether to love

Or care or be involved

If we are in Christ

Then we must be as Christ.

We cannot overcome 400 years of sordid history

with blog posts and tweets

or even with a sermon or a vote

but neither can we overcome it without those.

We cannot right the wrongs in our society

in a day or year or a decade

but if we take the next day and year and decade

we can see change happen

Listen to the voices of our black neighbors

Seek them out and sit at their feet

to hear their stories and see the world through their eyes

and recognize that what they see and say will look and sound

very little like the world you inhabit

and the life you’ve lived

even though you share your neighborhood or job or church.

When we can learn to walk a mile in their shoes

we might learn to feel their tiredness

their blisters

and the rutted road we have sent them on.

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Published on May 29, 2020 08:24

New Happy Rant: Judas, That Was Mediocre

In this episode of The Happy Rant Ted, Ronnie, and Barnabas do what they always do and wander to and fro through a variety of topics:

Ronnie’s computer situation
Lying about church size
Hipster nurseries
How to Reconvene as a church well
Reopening church reactions by Enneagram number

TED’S NEW BOOK

[image error]Ted Kluck has released a new book, The Outstanding Life of an Awkward Theater Kid: God, I’ll Do Anything―Just Don’t Let Me Fail. In his typical insightful, humorous, genuine manner Ted tells a story that will resonate with your nostalgia and your children’s present life. It is funny, heart warming, and truly encouraging. You will love it and your kids will too.

Things Have Changed a Bit: A PKs Reflection on Entering Ministry

[image error]The Pastor’s Kid is the first book I wrote, and when it released in 2014 I had no idea what to expect. I simply hoped and prayed it would land in the hands of the PKs who needed it most and in the hands of pastors who needed it, whether they thought they did or not. I wanted it to be a help to pastors’ families and to churches.

In the six-plus years since it first came out God has answered that prayer in ways I never would have or could have predicted. I’ve heard from PKs on every continent except Antarctica. I’ve heard from PKs ranging from adolescent to octogenarian. I’ve heard from pastors who don’t yet have children and from others whose children are grown. I am blown away by how God has used these words.

God has done other unexpected things too. I mention in the book how surprising it was to me the number of PKs who end up in church ministry. Well, in 2019 I joined their ranks – a move I never quite swore wouldn’t happen but that I did my best to avoid for all the reasons described in the pages of this book. I avoided it, that is, until God made it unavoidable.

This move, this calling, has made the words of this book that much more poignant to me. As I considered full time ministry, I had to weigh the reality of my calling and the realities it would introduce for my own kids. I needed to take my own words into account, my own experiences, my own struggles. My biggest concern, aside from my own worthiness to serve at my church, was how it would affect my kids. And that was scary.

But it was hopeful too. On the one hand nobody is prepared for vocational ministry, but on the other hand God had uniquely prepared me for it. . . just like He does so many other PKs. My experiences and struggles – our experiences and struggles – were a training ground that I had no desire to be on. But God knew they would ready me to serve and lead my church and my children better.

It’s one thing to write a book about ministry families as a sort of neutral bystander, where I was in 2014. There is safety in that distance and freedom to write and say pointed things with little blow back or cost. But I lost that safety when I stepped into a ministry role, and I think that is a good thing. I have to live my words now, to follow my own instructions, to be the sort of parent I call other pastors to be. That’s a bit terrifying.

It’s also exciting and encouraging. When I feel lost or like I’ve blown it as a minister-father I have my own words, my own standards, to revisit in order to find my way. My own words can hold me accountable and set a standard for me. My own pointed assertions are now pointed at me. I need that. And my kids need that from me too.

I hope you’ve enjoyed (or at least appreciated) listening to this book. I still hope and pray it lands in the hands of the PKs who need it most and in the hands of pastors who need it, whether you think you do or not. But now I am one of you, both groups, so the message of this book means more to me and now and hits closer to home than it ever has.

The Pastor’s Kid: What It’s Like and How You Can Help releases from The Good Book Company on June 1. This article is the new afterword that will be included in the audio book when it releases later in the summer.

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Published on May 25, 2020 01:05

New Happy Rant: Joint Facebook Accounts, Pastors and Tech, and Book Deals

In this episode of The Happy Rant Ted, Ronnie, and Barnabas do what they always do and suss out a variety of topics:

Piper went on an Enneagram podcast
Joint Facebook Accounts
Doing church outside
Online church shopping
Pastors and technology
rejecting endorsement requests
Ted’s new book
Ronnie’s pending book deal
Conference friends

TED’S NEW BOOK

[image error]Ted Kluck has released a new book, The Outstanding Life of an Awkward Theater Kid: God, I’ll Do Anything―Just Don’t Let Me Fail. In his typical insightful, humorous, genuine manner Ted tells a story that will resonate with your nostalgia and your children’s present life. It is funny, heart warming, and truly encouraging. You will love it and your kids will too.