L.A. Kelley's Blog, page 24
July 20, 2014
Book Review: How to Survive a Sharknado by Andrew Shaffer
Life is full of hidden perils. Some you can see coming; smog, rabid dogs, visits by your in-laws. Some you can’t; El Nino, UV radiation, and the Hanta virus. Some you don’t expect at all. Thank goodness for Andrew Shaffer and his handy guide to threats you never even knew existed. Why bother breaking a sweat over global warming or Thanksgiving with Uncle Dwayne when a greater danger lies in wait from a sharknado? For those not in the know a sharknado is a tornado that forms over the ocean. Its whirling fury sucks up several hundred sharks and then flings them out in a random pattern over the nearest city. Needless to say, this agitates the sharks and causes them to chomp away on people with happy abandon. SyFy Channel movies have been warning us to duck and cover for years, but no. You wouldn’t listen, would you? Now sharks are falling from the skies and you have no idea what to do.
Luckily Andrew Shaffer does. He has put all this useful information together in one place to give us poor terrified victims of unnatural catastrophes the best chance of survival. The book is divided into two sections; unnatural disasters and monsters. Each part covers a multitude of dangers humans may have to face. The simple layout makes it easy to thumb through as you’re running for your life. Running, by the way, rarely works when death is hot on your heels. What does work is rapid threat assessment followed by an adequate supply of guns, rockets loaded with dry ice, bombers dropping glaciers, dynamite, the occasional nuclear warhead, and a jewel called The Eye of Medusa (The last is only effective against a basilisk.)
Tips and Treats Along with survival tips Shaffer also adds additional snippets of information on surviving the unnatural catastrophe. Making your last line of defense against a sharknado is not the time to figure out how to wield a chainsaw. Study the instructions first. Also useful to know are the melting points of various manmade objects. The St. Louis Gateway Arch is stainless steel and at 2600 degrees Fahrenheit is much more durable in the face of a firenado (tornado made of fire) than is the Statue of Liberty at a paltry 1984 degrees. Avid cooks will appreciate the recipe for fried gatoroid. After all, once you’ve disposed of something as big as a Greyhound bus it would be a crying shame to let all that good meat go to waste.
Stocking Stuffer Do you have a crazed survivalist hiding in the basement? Or, better yet, a Boy Scout or Girl Scout in your family? Forget those silly Red Cross first aid manuals for Christmas. All they really need is How to Survive a Sharknado stuffed into their stocking in order to laugh in the face of death (or perhaps earn some really keen merit badges).
I received this book for free from Blogging for Books for this review.L.A.K.
July 15, 2014
Where Have All the Villains Gone?
It’s tough to find a good villain nowadays. I blame it on psychology, muddying the waters with motivational and emotional issues to explain away actions. Enough of that nonsense. I want my villain to be bad all the way through. Discovering Voldemort was an abused child named Tom Riddle tainted his death at the end. I’ll even admit to a cheer when Dumbledore plummeted out the window. With Tom’s tragic past evident, Dumbledore became an arrogant ass who should have been banned from being around children decades before. After all, he had also allowed Harry to be raised by tormenting sadists who kept him in a closet. If only he had gotten Tom counseling at the start, none of the resulting mayhem would have happened. Frankly, I would gladly have pushed Dumbledore out the window myself.
I don’t want my villains redeemed, either. They should be bad all the way through. Once redeemed, they evoke sympathy and teeter on becoming a hero. If they’re punished, I don’t get that gleeful feeling of righteous satisfaction anymore. I love that feeling. One of my favorite childhood villains was the Wicked Witch of the West. What can be more evil than someone bent on destroying a ten year-old child? Did I cry when she melted? Hell no. Recent writers have delved into a fictional past to explain away her evilness. Pah! I don’t care. Be rotten. Stay rotten. That’s my motto.
Tut, tut, you say. A purely evil villain is only for children’s stories. In order for an adult to enjoy a book, one must understand the character’s motivation. What makes them tick? What is their background? Their psychological imperative? Hell no. Exceptional villains abound in fiction; Count Dracula, Professor Moriarty, the White Witch from the Chronicles of Narnia, Sauron from The Lord of the Rings, Shakespeare’s Richard III. You’ll note, some were written specifically for children, but some are for adults. All are great fun.
In my opinion, one of the most compelling scenes in all literature is the meeting between Richard III and Lady Anne. She’s a grieving widow and hates him—I mean really, really hates him. After all, Richard is responsible for the death of her husband and father. No way will she have anything to do with the conniving hunchback, but as his charming lies unfold, he wins her over with pleas of love and repentance. After she leaves, Richard gleefully admits in his soliloquy he’s going to drop her like a hot rock as soon as gets what he wants. What a scumbag. I adore him.
Keep your psychological explanations. Enjoy your philosophical discussions of right and wrong without me. I want my villains to get their due comeuppance at the end and feel satisfaction as they meet their doom. (I insist on doom, too.) My favorite villain from the movies was Hans Gruber in Die Hard; handsome, charming, debonair, and one nasty son of a bitch at heart. He was not just bad. He was gleefully bad. Maybe because Mummy never made his favorite pudding and Daddy wouldn’t buy him a puppy. I don’t know. I don’t care. Every time Hans plummets to his death at the end of the movie my heart sings. Take that Anakin Skywalker and your wussy abandonment issues. Take that.
I don’t want my villains redeemed, either. They should be bad all the way through. Once redeemed, they evoke sympathy and teeter on becoming a hero. If they’re punished, I don’t get that gleeful feeling of righteous satisfaction anymore. I love that feeling. One of my favorite childhood villains was the Wicked Witch of the West. What can be more evil than someone bent on destroying a ten year-old child? Did I cry when she melted? Hell no. Recent writers have delved into a fictional past to explain away her evilness. Pah! I don’t care. Be rotten. Stay rotten. That’s my motto.
Tut, tut, you say. A purely evil villain is only for children’s stories. In order for an adult to enjoy a book, one must understand the character’s motivation. What makes them tick? What is their background? Their psychological imperative? Hell no. Exceptional villains abound in fiction; Count Dracula, Professor Moriarty, the White Witch from the Chronicles of Narnia, Sauron from The Lord of the Rings, Shakespeare’s Richard III. You’ll note, some were written specifically for children, but some are for adults. All are great fun.
In my opinion, one of the most compelling scenes in all literature is the meeting between Richard III and Lady Anne. She’s a grieving widow and hates him—I mean really, really hates him. After all, Richard is responsible for the death of her husband and father. No way will she have anything to do with the conniving hunchback, but as his charming lies unfold, he wins her over with pleas of love and repentance. After she leaves, Richard gleefully admits in his soliloquy he’s going to drop her like a hot rock as soon as gets what he wants. What a scumbag. I adore him.
Keep your psychological explanations. Enjoy your philosophical discussions of right and wrong without me. I want my villains to get their due comeuppance at the end and feel satisfaction as they meet their doom. (I insist on doom, too.) My favorite villain from the movies was Hans Gruber in Die Hard; handsome, charming, debonair, and one nasty son of a bitch at heart. He was not just bad. He was gleefully bad. Maybe because Mummy never made his favorite pudding and Daddy wouldn’t buy him a puppy. I don’t know. I don’t care. Every time Hans plummets to his death at the end of the movie my heart sings. Take that Anakin Skywalker and your wussy abandonment issues. Take that.
July 6, 2014
Book Review of Here is Where: Discovering America's Great Forgotten History by Andrew Carroll
Pity the poor suffering student trapped in a stuffy classroom with an aging professor droning away about white guys fighting. For most students that depressing scenario constitutes a history class; dates, a succession of wars, and who is trying to kill whom. If only they had Andrew Carroll. Under his skillful storytelling, forgotten history unfolds as a fascinating journey into the past.History becomes more that a succession of place names and battles. Carroll explores not only how these forgotten places forged our identity as Americans, but why they have been forgotten in the in first place. Women and minorities are often shortchanged in history books, but many previously forgotten accomplishments are enthusiastically set forth.
The details are fascinating, but part of the appeal is the author also journeyed to these sites and often met with eye witnesses or direct descendants to add another layer of interest. One story leads whimsically to another. Some are amusing. Richard Hart, a federal agent who fought bootleggers was Al Capone’s brother. Some are chilling. Madison Grant was a fervent conservationist who saved the buffalo from extinction and the redwoods from the lumberman’s axe. He was also a die-hard racist whose writings influenced Adolf Hitler.
Well-written history should read like well-written fiction and this certainly does. Be warned. After reading this book, you will have a difficult time passing a historical marker.
Here is Where Buy Link
May 12, 2014
Dumb Rule Day
Visit at http://lakelleythenaughtylist.blogspo...
Between blog, websites, creative writing classes, workshops, and other writers, a tsunami of advice threatens to swamp a writer’s creative process. Even people with the best intentions can champion hoary old chestnuts that stifle creativity. Every now and then I come across a rule that cries out for revision.
Old Rule: Write what you know
Fiction is a made up world. The author creates a new reality and populates it with imaginary characters and places. If I wrote what I knew my stories would be about the fascinating world of curriculum and instructional standards. Nobody wants to read that mess. Asimov didn’t know what it was like to be a robot. Stephen King didn’t know what it was like to be a deranged clown. They used their imagination to draw on experience and flesh out characters and situations. A writer doesn’t need to have a personal experience to write. The fun part of fiction is making crap up. Grant yourself the freedom to play.
New rule: Write what you feel.
Between blog, websites, creative writing classes, workshops, and other writers, a tsunami of advice threatens to swamp a writer’s creative process. Even people with the best intentions can champion hoary old chestnuts that stifle creativity. Every now and then I come across a rule that cries out for revision.
Old Rule: Write what you know
Fiction is a made up world. The author creates a new reality and populates it with imaginary characters and places. If I wrote what I knew my stories would be about the fascinating world of curriculum and instructional standards. Nobody wants to read that mess. Asimov didn’t know what it was like to be a robot. Stephen King didn’t know what it was like to be a deranged clown. They used their imagination to draw on experience and flesh out characters and situations. A writer doesn’t need to have a personal experience to write. The fun part of fiction is making crap up. Grant yourself the freedom to play.
New rule: Write what you feel.
May 11, 2014
Dumb Rule Day
Between blog, websites, creative writing classes, workshops, and other writers, a tsunami of advice threatens to swamp a writer’s creative process. Even people with the best intentions can champion hoary old chestnuts that stifle creativity. Every now and then I come across a rule that cries out for revision.
Old Rule: Write what you know Fiction is a made up world. The author creates a new reality and populates it with imaginary characters and places. If I wrote what I knew my stories would be about the fascinating world of curriculum and instructional standards. Nobody wants to read that mess. Asimov didn’t know what it was like to be a robot. Stephen King didn’t know what it was like to be a deranged clown. They used their imagination to draw on experience and flesh out characters and situations. A writer doesn’t need to have a personal experience to write. The fun part of fiction is making crap up. Grant yourself the freedom to play. New rule: Write what you feel.
Old Rule: Write what you know Fiction is a made up world. The author creates a new reality and populates it with imaginary characters and places. If I wrote what I knew my stories would be about the fascinating world of curriculum and instructional standards. Nobody wants to read that mess. Asimov didn’t know what it was like to be a robot. Stephen King didn’t know what it was like to be a deranged clown. They used their imagination to draw on experience and flesh out characters and situations. A writer doesn’t need to have a personal experience to write. The fun part of fiction is making crap up. Grant yourself the freedom to play. New rule: Write what you feel.
April 16, 2014
March 1, 2014
Tweaking Twilight
Giveaway runs March 1-31. Click on the Rafflecopter for a chance to win an autographed copy of The Naughty List and then click on the link for the Fool for Love Giveaway for many more prizes.
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Ever feel the ending of a book just didn't cut it?
Tweaking Twilight
The instant Edward changed Bella into a vampire he sensed something had gone awry. “Are you feeling all right, my love?” he asked with tender concern. “You seem tense.”
“I suppose your change went perfectly,” she sneered, “because you are so goddamn special.”
“The change can be disorienting at first,” he said lovingly, although a trifle confused at her attitude. “Perhaps, if you sipped a little blood…”
“Don’t tell me what to do!” she shrieked. “You’re always telling me what to do. And stop sparkling in my face. It’s so @#%&$ annoying.”
“My love, you know I can’t help it—”
“You’re doing it on purpose,” she sobbed. “You never listen to me.”
A sinking feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. Oh, no. It couldn’t be. “Bella…my love…how close are you to your period?”
“That’s your answer to everything, isn’t it?”
Edward swallowed hard and forced a smile. “Bella…?”
“Okay, fine,” she snapped. “I have a little PMS. It will be gone in few days. Deal with it.”
Edward turned paler than usual. His sparkle died. “Bella, you have been gifted with immortality. Nothing about you will ever change.”
Bella’s eyes narrowed. Her nostrils flared. “You mean,” she hissed, “I’ll have PMS forever?”
“I explained all this before. Why do you think Victoria was such a bitch?” Edward regretted the sharpness of his tone as soon as the words left his lips.
Bella picked up a letter opener on the desk. She ran her thumb along the edge. “You’re saying it’s my fault.”
“No, no.” One of Edward’s facial muscles twitched uncontrollably as he backed toward the door. “Of course not.” Using superspeed he bolted across the threshold an instant before the letter opener imbedded in the wall.
“Burn in hell, you pasty-faced twerk,” Bella screeched.
**** People in Forks still remark on the strange day when two blurs raced through the center street of town and then disappeared into the woods. Some say on moonless nights, you can still hear the echoes of a girl shriek, “Sparkle this, asshole!”
January 16, 2014
Reviews from an Author's POV
Not long ago Jessi wrote a very interesting and enlightening blog on being a reviewer. Here’s the author’s point of view.
Imagine you are a parent preparing your precious darling for the first day of school. You have fussed over her appearance, dressed her in Sunday best. Now your eyes fill with pride. She’s everything you ever dreamed; witty and charming, possessor of an adventurous spirit and an intriguing backstory—all your friends have said so. Really, you can’t see a thing that needs fixing. With a kiss for luck you send her out the door to strangers.
Soon there comes a knock. The principal is on the stoop. He hands back your child. “Take her,” he says with a frowny face. “She’s awful.”
You gape at him in horror. “How can that be? I’ve worked so hard to make her perfect.”
He rolls his eyes. “Oh please. Her character is lifeless. Her dialog is stilted and…” He eyes you severely. “Her middle drags. I suspect her genre is crossed.”
“But…but…I love her just the way she is.”
“I don’t. If you have any others, don’t send them to us. As a matter of fact, do the world a favor and don’t produce again.”
Sending a book out for review generates a mixture of pride and abject terror. It’s not easy to allow your creation to be judged. Frankly, it’s less painful to hear criticism of a real child. After all, you can always blame her faults on the other parent’s defective gene pool, but if someone hates your book you have nowhere to pass the buck. That great steamy pile of manure is all your own doing.
Marketing Tools
If reviews are such painful processes why bother? For authors it’s a marketing tool. The hope is that a good review will generate enough interest to make a few more sales. Does it work? Some, but with 3500 new books published a day (yes, that’s right, a day) a lot of competition exists. You have to do something or get buried under the avalanche.
Some authors seem to think reviews from review sites are better, but Amazon and Goodreads don’t distinguish in their rankings. Raters are judged the same. When a new book is released, people who have a lot of friends and family who owe them favors are at a distinct advantage. However, review sites can give the author more exposure and, hopefully, level the playing field.
Getting someone to accept your book for review is damn difficult. Simply tracking down a site that fits your genre is a giant time suck. Some sites are open to all, but others have only specific categories. Let’s say, you write paranormal romance. Some sites want a lot of sex in their books. Some don’t. Some love the vampire or werewolf thing. Some are sick of them. Some will take a self-published author, some won’t. Some reviewers won’t accept a book unless it already has a minimum number of 4 and 5 star reviews. I’ve seen sites that want at least twenty ratings already before you submit a request.
Once you decided on the sites, then you cross your fingers and hope someone will agree to read your book. Reviewers are inundated. Many turn down more than they accept. I contacted approximately fifty sites and got three acceptances. I was extremely grateful to get those. I know plenty of authors who haven’t been able to snag any.
Even if a site accepts your book, you may still not get a review because no one connected with the site had an interest in the story. The author won’t be informed why. I understand. Most of these sites are run by either a single individual or, at best, a handful of people, all with other responsibilities. They lack time and manpower. So your book ends up in review limbo and its back to square one. It’s simply another frustration with which an author must deal.
Some sites request a book still with no guarantee of review. Now you must decide if the chance of a review is worth the cost. Will it generate at least enough in sales to offset what you shelled out? Authors don’t get unlimited free copies of their books. (I suppose Steven King doesn’t have to pony up, but the rest of us do.) My publisher allows me 1 free paperback and 10 uses of a PDF. Anything else comes out of my pocket. I receive an author discount, but costs add up fast. Besides reviews you must weigh other marketing options. Do I send a book to this contest and pay a $50 entry fee or I send a book to this site and hope for a review. Should I do an author give-away here or try for another review there? What will generate the most sales? Will anything? Damned if I know. The whole marketing process is one giant pain in the ass. I resent everything about it, including the time taken from my writing. Marketing is like swimming against a powerful current. No matter how desperately your arms flail about, you feel frustratingly rooted in place.
Kindle Select
Another reason for reviews is the Kindle Select program. Many of us who are with small publishing houses are in it. Kindle Select requires the author or publisher to list exclusively with Amazon for three months after the book’s release. In return Amazon delegates a certain number of days for the book to be offered free and then at a sale price to generate interest. Does it? Yeah, sure. On free days, your Amazon rating skyrockets if you get the word out. (You also made no money, because you didn’t make a sale.) How do you get the word out? By listing on Kindle free day sites. Surprise! The best free ones require multiple 4 and 5 star reviews before they’ll feature your book. Many others charge fees to get a guaranteed listing.
Now did free days generate more sales for me after the free days ended? A few, but the real value was that the book went into the hands of many more readers. My hope is the people who read my first book for free will be more likely to pay for a second if I’m able to score another contract. Are you beginning to feel all this is a giant crap shoot? Join the club.
Critique versus Criticism
Another reason for reviews is for the critique itself. Not all writers strive for critiques, but I believe all should. (Even J. K. Rowling used a pen name to publish her last book, because she wanted impartial comments.) Unbiased, objective criticism is the only way to improve your writing. Trust me, bad reviews are like a knife in the heart. Your mama loves you. She’ll never admit your book has problems or tell you what they are. A good reviewer will.
When I send a book for review I cross my fingers and hope for critique versus criticism. What’s the difference? A criticism is something like this: “The book is stupid. The author is stupid. Her face is stupid. I hated this stupid book.” Now, maybe the book is stupid and the author’s face is stupid, but knowing that will not improve future writing.
An honest critique discusses the books strengths and weakness in a manner that has value to both the author and the reader. The review should detail in clear language what was liked (I felt the heroine’s pain when she discovered her lover’s body.) and disliked (The hero’s secret was obvious and should have been evident to all by the end of Chapter Three.) Problems with plotting, characterization, or grammar should be duly noted. Suggestions can be offered either pro (“Hope a sequel about John is in the works.”) or con (“Deleting excessive detail would be helpful in moving the plot along.) Above all, if you loved a book so much it made your heart sing, let the author know. It’s the only thing that makes us believe all the marketing crap is worthwhile.
Meanwhile, the author must realize, a bad review doesn’t necessarily mean the book is bad. Not everybody will like everything. That’s another reason to get objective reviews. With each one you get a truer sense of the impact on your intended audience.
Writing a good review is easy, writing a bad one is hard. You know the author will have hurt feelings. My only advice is to keep it as technical as possible and perhaps the author will learn something as a result. Finally, in a perfect world a reviewer would keep personal prejudices out of the equation, but what the hell. We’re all human. If a writer pisses off the reviewer by an unprofessional attitude, than I’m not going to shake my finger and say, “Remember you’re reviewing a book, not a personality.” Arrogant author jerks beware. You reap what you sow.
Imagine you are a parent preparing your precious darling for the first day of school. You have fussed over her appearance, dressed her in Sunday best. Now your eyes fill with pride. She’s everything you ever dreamed; witty and charming, possessor of an adventurous spirit and an intriguing backstory—all your friends have said so. Really, you can’t see a thing that needs fixing. With a kiss for luck you send her out the door to strangers.
Soon there comes a knock. The principal is on the stoop. He hands back your child. “Take her,” he says with a frowny face. “She’s awful.”
You gape at him in horror. “How can that be? I’ve worked so hard to make her perfect.”
He rolls his eyes. “Oh please. Her character is lifeless. Her dialog is stilted and…” He eyes you severely. “Her middle drags. I suspect her genre is crossed.”
“But…but…I love her just the way she is.”
“I don’t. If you have any others, don’t send them to us. As a matter of fact, do the world a favor and don’t produce again.”
Sending a book out for review generates a mixture of pride and abject terror. It’s not easy to allow your creation to be judged. Frankly, it’s less painful to hear criticism of a real child. After all, you can always blame her faults on the other parent’s defective gene pool, but if someone hates your book you have nowhere to pass the buck. That great steamy pile of manure is all your own doing.
Marketing Tools
If reviews are such painful processes why bother? For authors it’s a marketing tool. The hope is that a good review will generate enough interest to make a few more sales. Does it work? Some, but with 3500 new books published a day (yes, that’s right, a day) a lot of competition exists. You have to do something or get buried under the avalanche.
Some authors seem to think reviews from review sites are better, but Amazon and Goodreads don’t distinguish in their rankings. Raters are judged the same. When a new book is released, people who have a lot of friends and family who owe them favors are at a distinct advantage. However, review sites can give the author more exposure and, hopefully, level the playing field.
Getting someone to accept your book for review is damn difficult. Simply tracking down a site that fits your genre is a giant time suck. Some sites are open to all, but others have only specific categories. Let’s say, you write paranormal romance. Some sites want a lot of sex in their books. Some don’t. Some love the vampire or werewolf thing. Some are sick of them. Some will take a self-published author, some won’t. Some reviewers won’t accept a book unless it already has a minimum number of 4 and 5 star reviews. I’ve seen sites that want at least twenty ratings already before you submit a request.
Once you decided on the sites, then you cross your fingers and hope someone will agree to read your book. Reviewers are inundated. Many turn down more than they accept. I contacted approximately fifty sites and got three acceptances. I was extremely grateful to get those. I know plenty of authors who haven’t been able to snag any.
Even if a site accepts your book, you may still not get a review because no one connected with the site had an interest in the story. The author won’t be informed why. I understand. Most of these sites are run by either a single individual or, at best, a handful of people, all with other responsibilities. They lack time and manpower. So your book ends up in review limbo and its back to square one. It’s simply another frustration with which an author must deal.
Some sites request a book still with no guarantee of review. Now you must decide if the chance of a review is worth the cost. Will it generate at least enough in sales to offset what you shelled out? Authors don’t get unlimited free copies of their books. (I suppose Steven King doesn’t have to pony up, but the rest of us do.) My publisher allows me 1 free paperback and 10 uses of a PDF. Anything else comes out of my pocket. I receive an author discount, but costs add up fast. Besides reviews you must weigh other marketing options. Do I send a book to this contest and pay a $50 entry fee or I send a book to this site and hope for a review. Should I do an author give-away here or try for another review there? What will generate the most sales? Will anything? Damned if I know. The whole marketing process is one giant pain in the ass. I resent everything about it, including the time taken from my writing. Marketing is like swimming against a powerful current. No matter how desperately your arms flail about, you feel frustratingly rooted in place.
Kindle Select
Another reason for reviews is the Kindle Select program. Many of us who are with small publishing houses are in it. Kindle Select requires the author or publisher to list exclusively with Amazon for three months after the book’s release. In return Amazon delegates a certain number of days for the book to be offered free and then at a sale price to generate interest. Does it? Yeah, sure. On free days, your Amazon rating skyrockets if you get the word out. (You also made no money, because you didn’t make a sale.) How do you get the word out? By listing on Kindle free day sites. Surprise! The best free ones require multiple 4 and 5 star reviews before they’ll feature your book. Many others charge fees to get a guaranteed listing.
Now did free days generate more sales for me after the free days ended? A few, but the real value was that the book went into the hands of many more readers. My hope is the people who read my first book for free will be more likely to pay for a second if I’m able to score another contract. Are you beginning to feel all this is a giant crap shoot? Join the club.
Critique versus Criticism
Another reason for reviews is for the critique itself. Not all writers strive for critiques, but I believe all should. (Even J. K. Rowling used a pen name to publish her last book, because she wanted impartial comments.) Unbiased, objective criticism is the only way to improve your writing. Trust me, bad reviews are like a knife in the heart. Your mama loves you. She’ll never admit your book has problems or tell you what they are. A good reviewer will.
When I send a book for review I cross my fingers and hope for critique versus criticism. What’s the difference? A criticism is something like this: “The book is stupid. The author is stupid. Her face is stupid. I hated this stupid book.” Now, maybe the book is stupid and the author’s face is stupid, but knowing that will not improve future writing.
An honest critique discusses the books strengths and weakness in a manner that has value to both the author and the reader. The review should detail in clear language what was liked (I felt the heroine’s pain when she discovered her lover’s body.) and disliked (The hero’s secret was obvious and should have been evident to all by the end of Chapter Three.) Problems with plotting, characterization, or grammar should be duly noted. Suggestions can be offered either pro (“Hope a sequel about John is in the works.”) or con (“Deleting excessive detail would be helpful in moving the plot along.) Above all, if you loved a book so much it made your heart sing, let the author know. It’s the only thing that makes us believe all the marketing crap is worthwhile.
Meanwhile, the author must realize, a bad review doesn’t necessarily mean the book is bad. Not everybody will like everything. That’s another reason to get objective reviews. With each one you get a truer sense of the impact on your intended audience.
Writing a good review is easy, writing a bad one is hard. You know the author will have hurt feelings. My only advice is to keep it as technical as possible and perhaps the author will learn something as a result. Finally, in a perfect world a reviewer would keep personal prejudices out of the equation, but what the hell. We’re all human. If a writer pisses off the reviewer by an unprofessional attitude, than I’m not going to shake my finger and say, “Remember you’re reviewing a book, not a personality.” Arrogant author jerks beware. You reap what you sow.
January 14, 2014
Reviews from an Author's POV
Blogging at The Book Cove:
http://www.thebookcove.com/
Imagine you are a parent preparing your precious darling for the first day of school. You have fussed over her appearance, dressed her in Sunday best. Now your eyes fill with pride. She’s everything you ever dreamed; witty and charming, possessor of an adventurous spirit and an intriguing backstory—all your friends have said so. Really, you can’t see a thing that needs fixing. With a kiss for luck you send her out the door to strangers.
Soon there comes a knock. The principal is on the stoop. He hands back your child. “Take her,” he says with a frowny face. “She’s awful.” You gape at him in horror. “How can that be? I’ve worked so hard to make her perfect.” He rolls his eyes. “Oh please. Her character is lifeless. Her dialog is stilted and…” He eyes you severely. “Her middle drags. I suspect her genre is crossed.” “But…but…I love her just the way she is.” “I don’t. If you have any others, don’t send them to us. As a matter of fact, do the world a favor and don’t produce again.” Sending a book out for review generates a mixture of pride and abject terror. It’s not easy to allow your creation to be judged. Frankly, it’s less painful to hear criticism of a real child. After all, you can always blame her faults on the other parent’s defective gene pool, but if someone hates your book you have nowhere to pass the buck. That great steamy pile of manure is all your own doing.
Marketing Tools If reviews are such painful processes why bother? For authors it’s a marketing tool. The hope is that a good review will generate enough interest to make a few more sales. Does it work? Some, but with 3500 new books published a day (yes, that’s right, a day) a lot of competition exists. You have to do something or get buried under the avalanche. Some authors seem to think reviews from review sites are better, but Amazon and Goodreads don’t distinguish in their rankings. Raters are judged the same. When a new book is released, people who have a lot of friends and family who owe them favors are at a distinct advantage. However, review sites can give the author more exposure and, hopefully, level the playing field. Getting someone to accept your book for review is damn difficult. Simply tracking down a site that fits your genre is a giant time suck. Some sites are open to all, but others have only specific categories. Let’s say, you write paranormal romance. Some sites want a lot of sex in their books. Some don’t. Some love the vampire or werewolf thing. Some are sick of them. Some will take a self-published author, some won’t. Some reviewers won’t accept a book unless it already has a minimum number of 4 and 5 star reviews. I’ve seen sites that want at least twenty ratings already before you submit a request. Once you decided on the sites, then you cross your fingers and hope someone will agree to read your book. Reviewers are inundated. Many turn down more than they accept. I contacted approximately fifty sites and got three acceptances. I was extremely grateful to get those. I know plenty of authors who haven’t been able to snag any. Even if a site accepts your book, you may still not get a review because no one connected with the site had an interest in the story. The author won’t be informed why. I understand. Most of these sites are run by either a single individual or, at best, a handful of people, all with other responsibilities. They lack time and manpower. So your book ends up in review limbo and its back to square one. It’s simply another frustration with which an author must deal. Some sites request a book still with no guarantee of review. Now you must decide if the chance of a review is worth the cost. Will it generate at least enough in sales to offset what you shelled out? Authors don’t get unlimited free copies of their books. (I suppose Steven King doesn’t have to pony up, but the rest of us do.) My publisher allows me 1 free paperback and 10 uses of a PDF. Anything else comes out of my pocket. I receive an author discount, but costs add up fast. Besides reviews you must weigh other marketing options. Do I send a book to this contest and pay a $50 entry fee or I send a book to this site and hope for a review. Should I do an author give-away here or try for another review there? What will generate the most sales? Will anything? Damned if I know. The whole marketing process is one giant pain in the ass. I resent everything about it, including the time taken from my writing. Marketing is like swimming against a powerful current. No matter how desperately your arms flail about, you feel frustratingly rooted in place.
Kindle Select Another reason for reviews is the Kindle Select program. Many of us who are with small publishing houses are in it. Kindle Select requires the author or publisher to list exclusively with Amazon for three months after the book’s release. In return Amazon delegates a certain number of days for the book to be offered free and then at a sale price to generate interest. Does it? Yeah, sure. On free days, your Amazon rating skyrockets if you get the word out. (You also made no money, because you didn’t make a sale.) How do you get the word out? By listing on Kindle free day sites. Surprise! The best free ones require multiple 4 and 5 star reviews before they’ll feature your book. Many others charge fees to get a guaranteed listing. Now did free days generate more sales for me after the free days ended? A few, but the real value was that the book went into the hands of many more readers. My hope is the people who read my first book for free will be more likely to pay for a second if I’m able to score another contract. Are you beginning to feel all this is a giant crap shoot? Join the club.
Critique versus Criticism Another reason for reviews is for the critique itself. Not all writers strive for critiques, but I believe all should. (Even J. K. Rowling used a pen name to publish her last book, because she wanted impartial comments.) Unbiased, objective criticism is the only way to improve your writing. Trust me, bad reviews are like a knife in the heart. Your mama loves you. She’ll never admit your book has problems or tell you what they are. A good reviewer will. When I send a book for review I cross my fingers and hope for critique versus criticism. What’s the difference? A criticism is something like this: “The book is stupid. The author is stupid. Her face is stupid. I hated this stupid book.” Now, maybe the book is stupid and the author’s face is stupid, but knowing that will not improve future writing. An honest critique discusses the books strengths and weakness in a manner that has value to both the author and the reader. The review should detail in clear language what was liked (I felt the heroine’s pain when she discovered her lover’s body.) and disliked (The hero’s secret was obvious and should have been evident to all by the end of Chapter Three.) Problems with plotting, characterization, or grammar should be duly noted. Suggestions can be offered either pro (“Hope a sequel about John is in the works.”) or con (“Deleting excessive detail would be helpful in moving the plot along.) Above all, if you loved a book so much it made your heart sing, let the author know. It’s the only thing that makes us believe all the marketing crap is worthwhile. Meanwhile, the author must realize, a bad review doesn’t necessarily mean the book is bad. Not everybody will like everything. That’s another reason to get objective reviews. With each one you get a truer sense of the impact on your intended audience. Writing a good review is easy, writing a bad one is hard. You know the author will have hurt feelings. My only advice is to keep it as technical as possible and perhaps the author will learn something as a result. Finally, in a perfect world a reviewer would keep personal prejudices out of the equation, but what the hell. We’re all human. If a writer pisses off the reviewer by an unprofessional attitude, than I’m not going to shake my finger and say, “Remember you’re reviewing a book, not a personality.” Arrogant author jerks beware. You reap what you sow.
Imagine you are a parent preparing your precious darling for the first day of school. You have fussed over her appearance, dressed her in Sunday best. Now your eyes fill with pride. She’s everything you ever dreamed; witty and charming, possessor of an adventurous spirit and an intriguing backstory—all your friends have said so. Really, you can’t see a thing that needs fixing. With a kiss for luck you send her out the door to strangers.
Soon there comes a knock. The principal is on the stoop. He hands back your child. “Take her,” he says with a frowny face. “She’s awful.” You gape at him in horror. “How can that be? I’ve worked so hard to make her perfect.” He rolls his eyes. “Oh please. Her character is lifeless. Her dialog is stilted and…” He eyes you severely. “Her middle drags. I suspect her genre is crossed.” “But…but…I love her just the way she is.” “I don’t. If you have any others, don’t send them to us. As a matter of fact, do the world a favor and don’t produce again.” Sending a book out for review generates a mixture of pride and abject terror. It’s not easy to allow your creation to be judged. Frankly, it’s less painful to hear criticism of a real child. After all, you can always blame her faults on the other parent’s defective gene pool, but if someone hates your book you have nowhere to pass the buck. That great steamy pile of manure is all your own doing.
Marketing Tools If reviews are such painful processes why bother? For authors it’s a marketing tool. The hope is that a good review will generate enough interest to make a few more sales. Does it work? Some, but with 3500 new books published a day (yes, that’s right, a day) a lot of competition exists. You have to do something or get buried under the avalanche. Some authors seem to think reviews from review sites are better, but Amazon and Goodreads don’t distinguish in their rankings. Raters are judged the same. When a new book is released, people who have a lot of friends and family who owe them favors are at a distinct advantage. However, review sites can give the author more exposure and, hopefully, level the playing field. Getting someone to accept your book for review is damn difficult. Simply tracking down a site that fits your genre is a giant time suck. Some sites are open to all, but others have only specific categories. Let’s say, you write paranormal romance. Some sites want a lot of sex in their books. Some don’t. Some love the vampire or werewolf thing. Some are sick of them. Some will take a self-published author, some won’t. Some reviewers won’t accept a book unless it already has a minimum number of 4 and 5 star reviews. I’ve seen sites that want at least twenty ratings already before you submit a request. Once you decided on the sites, then you cross your fingers and hope someone will agree to read your book. Reviewers are inundated. Many turn down more than they accept. I contacted approximately fifty sites and got three acceptances. I was extremely grateful to get those. I know plenty of authors who haven’t been able to snag any. Even if a site accepts your book, you may still not get a review because no one connected with the site had an interest in the story. The author won’t be informed why. I understand. Most of these sites are run by either a single individual or, at best, a handful of people, all with other responsibilities. They lack time and manpower. So your book ends up in review limbo and its back to square one. It’s simply another frustration with which an author must deal. Some sites request a book still with no guarantee of review. Now you must decide if the chance of a review is worth the cost. Will it generate at least enough in sales to offset what you shelled out? Authors don’t get unlimited free copies of their books. (I suppose Steven King doesn’t have to pony up, but the rest of us do.) My publisher allows me 1 free paperback and 10 uses of a PDF. Anything else comes out of my pocket. I receive an author discount, but costs add up fast. Besides reviews you must weigh other marketing options. Do I send a book to this contest and pay a $50 entry fee or I send a book to this site and hope for a review. Should I do an author give-away here or try for another review there? What will generate the most sales? Will anything? Damned if I know. The whole marketing process is one giant pain in the ass. I resent everything about it, including the time taken from my writing. Marketing is like swimming against a powerful current. No matter how desperately your arms flail about, you feel frustratingly rooted in place.
Kindle Select Another reason for reviews is the Kindle Select program. Many of us who are with small publishing houses are in it. Kindle Select requires the author or publisher to list exclusively with Amazon for three months after the book’s release. In return Amazon delegates a certain number of days for the book to be offered free and then at a sale price to generate interest. Does it? Yeah, sure. On free days, your Amazon rating skyrockets if you get the word out. (You also made no money, because you didn’t make a sale.) How do you get the word out? By listing on Kindle free day sites. Surprise! The best free ones require multiple 4 and 5 star reviews before they’ll feature your book. Many others charge fees to get a guaranteed listing. Now did free days generate more sales for me after the free days ended? A few, but the real value was that the book went into the hands of many more readers. My hope is the people who read my first book for free will be more likely to pay for a second if I’m able to score another contract. Are you beginning to feel all this is a giant crap shoot? Join the club.
Critique versus Criticism Another reason for reviews is for the critique itself. Not all writers strive for critiques, but I believe all should. (Even J. K. Rowling used a pen name to publish her last book, because she wanted impartial comments.) Unbiased, objective criticism is the only way to improve your writing. Trust me, bad reviews are like a knife in the heart. Your mama loves you. She’ll never admit your book has problems or tell you what they are. A good reviewer will. When I send a book for review I cross my fingers and hope for critique versus criticism. What’s the difference? A criticism is something like this: “The book is stupid. The author is stupid. Her face is stupid. I hated this stupid book.” Now, maybe the book is stupid and the author’s face is stupid, but knowing that will not improve future writing. An honest critique discusses the books strengths and weakness in a manner that has value to both the author and the reader. The review should detail in clear language what was liked (I felt the heroine’s pain when she discovered her lover’s body.) and disliked (The hero’s secret was obvious and should have been evident to all by the end of Chapter Three.) Problems with plotting, characterization, or grammar should be duly noted. Suggestions can be offered either pro (“Hope a sequel about John is in the works.”) or con (“Deleting excessive detail would be helpful in moving the plot along.) Above all, if you loved a book so much it made your heart sing, let the author know. It’s the only thing that makes us believe all the marketing crap is worthwhile. Meanwhile, the author must realize, a bad review doesn’t necessarily mean the book is bad. Not everybody will like everything. That’s another reason to get objective reviews. With each one you get a truer sense of the impact on your intended audience. Writing a good review is easy, writing a bad one is hard. You know the author will have hurt feelings. My only advice is to keep it as technical as possible and perhaps the author will learn something as a result. Finally, in a perfect world a reviewer would keep personal prejudices out of the equation, but what the hell. We’re all human. If a writer pisses off the reviewer by an unprofessional attitude, than I’m not going to shake my finger and say, “Remember you’re reviewing a book, not a personality.” Arrogant author jerks beware. You reap what you sow.
January 1, 2014
End of the Year Book Round-up
I love to discover a good book. It’s like getting on the scale and finding you dropped a few pounds without even trying. You feel all warm and fuzzy inside and want to tell everyone. Here are two of my favorite e-books from this past year.
My cookbook library was lacking until I found The Science of Good Cooking by The Editors’ of America’s Test Kitchen and Guy Crosby, Ph.D. At last, a cookbook for geeks! Chock full of recipes, the authors also explain the science behind what happens in the kitchen. It’s written for the layman and easy to understand. The maple orange ham glaze was particularly tasty.
At over twenty dollars it was pricey for a Kindle book, but I had a gift card so what the hell. (Can I add a short grouse—publishers have some nerve charging huge bucks for an ebook. Who’s getting rich on these things? Not the authors. Grrr.)
I’ve been fascinated by codes and secret writing ever since I learned how to make invisible ink in the second grade and wrote Tommy is a Poophead all over my brother’s homework. He never found out and I was hooked. The Code Book: The Science of Secrecy from Ancient Egypt to Quantum Cryptography by Simon Singh gives a fascinating overview of code makers and breakers from ancient times to modern and how they affected war and politics. Makes you wonder how any secret ever remains hidden. (P. S. Tommy is still a poophead.) Happy reading! Hope you find lots of good books in 2014.
