Sally Ember's Blog, page 90
December 11, 2014
Read Tuesday Stats
Thanks so much, Chris and everyone who participated. FYI: MY #ReadTuesday sale continues through 1/2/15! http://sallyember.com/2014/12/07/smashwords-read-tuesday-12914-and-beyond-ebooks-sale/ for details!
Originally posted on ReadTuesday:
STATS
In case you missed it, Read Tuesday is an annual Black Friday type of event for book lovers on the second Tuesday of December. (Some of the books may still be on sale. Browse the catalog and check the end dates.)
The big questions are:
Was the event successful?
Is it worth doing again?
I’ve heard from multiple authors who saw a significant boost in sales on Read Tuesday.
I’ve heard from a couple of readers who shopped for books on Read Tuesday (including a really cool comment on Facebook). I bought several books myself.
It seems to be the nature of book sales that a small percentage get lucky and sell several copies, while a larger percentage get little or no attention. That’s true on Amazon, Kobo, B&N, and just about anywhere that books are sold, so no doubt the same principle applies to Read Tuesday. The difference…
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Filed under: Writing
TEN Ways to Encourage #Victims of Any Age to #Report #Sexual and Other #Abuse
Because of the uproar over the continually surfacing reports of sexual assault perpetrated by Bill Cosby on now-adult (or then-adult) women, these topics are now front-and-center in the media and, I hope, in private as well. Why do people refrain from reporting right after having been assaulted? Many reasons.
Let’s NOT give them reasons to keep silent any more!
Here are TEN Ways to Encourage #Victims of Any Age to #Report #Sexual and Other #Abuse. Learn, use them, SHARE!
ONE
Believe what they tell you until you’re sure one way or the other. This is the one situation in which the accused should be considered guilty until proven innocent, especially when children are the victims. It is hard enough to come forward with a report of an assault, especially after a long time has passed. The likelihood that this report is false is very low.
TWO
Be outraged on their behalf. Consider that this IS true and this DID happen: aren’t you incensed? This is NOT the time to be doubting or dismissive. If, in the very rare cases that it occurs, this turns out not to be an accurate report or did not happen, you have lost nothing but some time and your trust in this person.
If, however, it is TRUE—a report of assault usually is—this crime or repeated crimes occurred. If you do not respond as an advocate, you will regret it for the rest of your life. It will do irreparable harm to the victim, to you and to your relationship for you to have doubted him/her in a time of great need. If you had been in a position to prevent or protect and you did not succeed prior to this, you are especially culpable. By not believing, you will have doubly failed him/her in a way that is usually unforgivable. If you do not actively support ending the crimes against him/her by continuing to fail to protect, you may actually be liable.
In some states, knowing of assault crimes and not preventing, reporting or otherwise behaving in ways that protect future victimization makes you a criminal: you are seen as a collaborator, an accessory, by knowing what you now know and keeping silent. This makes you potentially likely to be prosecuted yourself.
THREE
Allow your protective, compassionate aspects to prevail. You may feel very intense emotions as you listen to this report of a crime that hurt this person very badly: angry, helpless, scared, worried, anxious. However, this is NOT your time to vent. It is inappropriate to behave in such a way that the attention refocuses on YOU and your “hard time.” Be there for the victim right now, even if you were somehow involved or feel guilty. Control your emotions enough so that you can vent some other time, with someone else.
NOTE: If you know the perpetrator, especially if the perpetrator is someone you are related to by family or friendship, is a workplace or school peer, is someone you live near or have to see often, protect yourself.
DO NOT CONFRONT the perpetrator by yourself unless you are sure you are safe to do so. There are authorities, support groups, other friends or family members who can accompany you or do the confronting. Let them do it.
FOUR
Ignore any past dishonesty, prevarication, or other “reasons” to doubt the reporter or the report. The “rape shield” law is there for many reasons, and this is the major one: the VICTIM’s past behaviors, character or misdeeds DO NOT MATTER here.
The only person responsible for an assault is the perpetrator. Period. No one “made” him/her do it. It doesn’t matter what the perpetrator claims were “causes,” particularly if the perpetrator tries to turn it back on the victim. “She asked for it,” “He liked it,” “We’ve been close like that plenty of times before” are all excuses and do not absolve the perpetrator from criminal charges if an assault occurred. “No” means “No.”
FIVE
Treat sexual assault, abuse of children, rape, child molestation as the CRIMES that they are. Assault is not an “accident,” a “misunderstanding,” a “joke,” a “one-time thing,” “just the way things are.” We each have the right NOT to be violated by another person. Period.
Also, DO NOT AGREE to keep this a “secret,” even if the victim begs you not to tell. Maintaining secrecy is NOT doing any favors for this victim. Really.
If the victim is a legal adult, you can discuss how, when, to whom this report should be made, and ways you can support the further reporting. However, if s/he won’t agree to tell anyone else, you should not promise to maintain this secret. The perpetrator WILL NOT STOP until s/he is forced to stop. Usually, stopping happens only when the criminal is arrested and incarcerated.
Remind him/her: potential future victims could be protected—saved—by this victim’s report because every report helps lead to subsequent arrest, prosecution and imprisonment of the perpetrator.
Reporting is empowering and liberating. Keeping the crime a secret is neither of those.
Some people who are members of religious, cultural or family groups are victimized repeatedly but group sanctions prevent reporting. YOU CAN HELP by following these guidelines and being sensitive to the extra barriers for victims in these groups.
image from a Board on Pinterest called “Anti-Rape and Feminism” http://www.pinterest.com/allysuperbee/anti-rape-and-feminism/
For more about reporting requirements when USA adult women are the victims: http://goo.gl/eT2lA2
The National Center for the Prosecution of Violence Against Women
American Prosecutors Research Institute
1-703-549-9222
For more information about male victims of violence in the USA: http://www.ncadv.org/files/MaleVictims.pdf
from The Public Policy Office of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
(NCADV)
NOTE: If you are listening to a report from a minor, a child, and you are an adult, in many states ALL adults are “mandatory reporters.” This means you MUST take notes and call or send in your notes to authorities when you hear of child victimization, even if you’re uncertain as to the veracity of the claim. You are a mandatory reporter and MUST report if you work or volunteer in certain occupations in most states. Find your county, province, parish or state’s reporting phone number or email and USE IT.
Ethically, legally, morally, you SHOULD report in order to stop crimes by this perpetrator from recurring and to protect the victim from future assaults. You must try to make sure the child is safe going forward. HOWEVER, if you are NOT a mandatory reporter, not in social services, not a family member, get some advice and support.
SIX
Keep any shame, guilt, humiliation or other baggage of yours or from his/her past OUT of this conversation. Whatever they said/did not say, wore, did/did not do, wherever they were located, however he/she conducted his/her life, THIS IS NOT THE VICTIM’s FAULT.
Rapists rape. Child molesters molest. Assaulters assault. Criminals commit crimes. Period.
Also, use the correct language: language is powerful. Calling someone a “pedophile” doesn’t even sound as bad as “child molester,” so use “child molester” or “perpetrator of sexual assault on a minor child.” Both are accurate and give appropriate weight to the crimes. “Sexual harassment” is NOT the same as “rape,” but they are both crimes. Learn what each of those circumstances includes.
“Date rape,” “acquaintance rape” or “dating violence” labels reduce the significance of the assault by positioning familiarity as the main label. Don’t downgrade the importance and don’t minimize the impact in these ways, because studies have shown that victims who knew their perpetrators suffered longer and more intensely.
Why? Because victims who knew their assaulters were not just physically assaulted, they were often emotionally terrorized prior to and after the assault, devastated by the breach of trust, intimidated and threatened by the perpetrator to prevent reporting, and forced to continue to be in the presence of the perpetrator after the assault occurred or while assaults continued.
image from http://www.reachofmaconcounty.org
SEVEN
Recognize and honor the trust this person is putting in you by revealing this information. THANK THEM for telling you. Become his/her advocate. Guide him/her to understand that secrecy only protects the perpetrator. Strongly, kindly encourage him/her to tell more people, especially police or other legal officials, even if the statute of limitations prevents arrest or prosecution.
NOTE: Almost ALL perpetrators have more than one victim, over many years. Every accusation publicly recorded helps police follow the perpetrator’s trail to a newer victim so that arrest and prosecution CAN occur.
EIGHT
Acknowledge the courage it took for them to come forward, regardless of how long it took them to do so. It doesn’t matter if the assault occurred twenty minutes or twenty years ago: right now, the violation and injury are “current” for the victim. Consider that while they are telling you about their pain, fear, sorrow, confusion, hurt, anger.
NINE
DO NOT ASK them what they were doing, “how it happened,” or any other victim-blaming questions. There will be plenty of time to get the “whole story.” While they talk, you LISTEN. When they are finished talking, help him/her decide what to do next. Speak soothingly. Hold them while they cry. Offer tissues. You are not the prosecutor. It is NOT your role to cross-examine or overly question them at this time. Be kind. Remember your relationship.
image from https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/rapists-cause-rape
TEN
Encourage them to go/go with them to a hospital if the assault happened within the last 24-48 hours. This is the critical time to collect evidence, get examined, be treated, etc. If the victim has not yet bathed or showered, convince him/her not to do that until after the forensic and medical exams. Take charge. Drive/accompany him/her.
There are many resources available to educate yourself and others with more than these ten recommendations. Here is a great one, The Pennsylvania Coaltion Against Rape (PCAR): http://www.pcar.org/blog/common-victim-behaviors-survivors-sexual-abuse
Here are some more resources:
USA “hotline” reporting phone numbers:
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE
National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE
National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD
For more information and to report assault of USA women (applies to men as well): Rape and Sexual Assault Reporting Laws, from The National Center for the Prosecution of Violence Against Women (NCPVAW) http://www.ndaa.org/pdf/the_voice_vol_1_no_3_2006.pdf
and, the USA White House’s January, 2014, Rape and Sexual Assault: A Renewed Call to Action, for assaults against women and girls (applies to males as well): http://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/docs/sexual_assault_report_1-21-14.pdf
For more information and to understand the laws about reporting crimes against USA children/youth:
Child Help USA (for victims, offenders and parents) 800-4-A-CHILD or (800-422-4453)
Help for USA youth victims:
National Youth Crisis Home (a referral hotline for youth in crisis)
1-800-HIT- HOME (800-448-4663)
I hope this post helps you and future victims experience better receptivity, support and aid. SHARE.
Filed under: Life lessons, Opinions, Personal stories, Support for Good Causes Tagged: Child Abuse, Child Molestation, feminism, pedophilia, Rape, Report, Reporting, Sexual Abuse, Survivors, Victims, women
December 10, 2014
Non-Reciprocity Leads to Less Selfishness
Lost the “love of my life” because he didn’t love me reciprocally. Memory, hearing, home, community, intimacy, mobility, health, financial independence, friends, family, jobs: gone in the last several years; some won’t return. Maintaining meditation practice and being less self-centered are key.
image from http://www.thesun.co.uk
entry for Yeah, Writes weekly micro challenge.
http://yeahwrite.me/nonfiction-writing-challenge-191
http://yeahwrite.me/nonfiction-writing-challenge-191/
http://sallyember.com/2014/12/08/what-do-we-have-to-lose/
Filed under: Yeah Writes challenges Tagged: loss, love, meditation
December 9, 2014
No Wasted Ink Writer’s Links
AND if you want to get to know Wendy van Camp better, watch for our conversation on *CHANGES*, Wed., 10 AM EST USA, 1/7/15, first of the new year! http://sallyember.com/changes-videocasts-by-sally-ember-ed-d/ will have URLs for that and all Episodes as they are ready. Watch conversations with my previous *CHANGES* guests any time: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPbfKicwk4dFdeVSAY1tfhtjaEY_clmfq
Originally posted on No Wasted Ink:
Welcome back for another Monday of writerly links here at No Wasted Ink. This week I found a hodgepodge of general writer’s links, plus a recounting of Ursula Le Guin’s speech at the National Book Awards. Enjoy!
How to take charge of your plot, writing a story from beginning to end
“we will need writers who can remember freedom”: ursula k le guin at the national book awards
A Better Way to Think About the Genre Debate
5 Things About Writing I Wish I’d Known 20 Years Ago
Ebook Publishing Gets More Difficult from Here – Here’s How to Succeed
How To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done – 5 Expert Tips
Will our kids’ kids use commas?
Science Shows Something Surprising About People Who Still Read Fiction
Straight & Narrow vs Zigzag Helter-Skelter: Which Character Arc is your Protagonist on?
Filed under: Writing
Waiting For Your Boyfriend to Marry You
My response to this post: Hi, I know you’ll probably want to ignore me because I’m so much older than you, but I’m going to comment, anyway, because your post really bothers me on so many levels. 1) Why are you “waiting” for anything? If your current lover does not want to get married, or want to marry you, you have many choices besides “finding someone else who is willing to take the change of marriage” with you. You could decide that marriage isn’t a goal, isn’t necessary, isn’t a badge of honor, stamp of approval, guarantee of anything or “life goal.”
In our current culture, marriage is a ZIPPER: people get in, get out. Like jobs. Like homes. Almost NO ONE commits “for life” anymore, to anything or anyone. You are either incredibly naive or inconsolably self-centered if your idea of marriage is forever when you can just look around, especially with people around YOUR age, and see that it is NOT.
2) You are NOT just now finishing “one-quarter” of your life, any way you do the math. Most USA women live to be in their late 70s, now, and if you’re lucky by the time you get there, late 80s. By that reckoning, you are PAST 1/4. However, you have been an “adult” for only about 7 years, or 4, depending on how you start “adult” attainment. You have only lived about 1/8 of your adult life, unless your life is unexpectedly cut short. So, relax.
3) When you want to have a child, have one. Many people do and marriage has nothing to do with that. It can, but it does not have to be a part of your decision to be a parent.
4) It is unconscionable and something you will ultimately regret that you are putting so much power into your boyfriend’s hands and NONE into yours. Marriage should be a partnership. You are not a Princess waiting to be rescued by the Prince. You are an adult woman with a good mind and body, with options, with ideas. If you want to propose, do it. If you want to be single, be it. If you want to continue the way you are, do it and stop whining about “waiting.”
Stop “waiting” for a “lifetime partnership,” which marriage probably won’t provide, anyway, to become the adult you want to be. Just be that woman, NOW.
Best to you,
Sally (age 60, partnered with several but never married, parent of one adult son)
Originally posted on Chapter TK:
For all my talk of avoiding young marriage, I’m fast reaching an age where that remains irrelevant to my situation. Next year, I will turn 25, effectively completing a fourth of my life. Saying I’m avoiding young marriage is hard to say when you’re not that young anymore. So why do I remain unmarried, especially after being with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years? How can I remain unbothered when I really do wish to be married some day?
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Filed under: Writing
#Crowdfunding with #Patreon: Sally Ember’s Campaign Needs Your Support!
#Crowdfunding with #Patreon: Sally Ember’s Campaign Needs Your Support!
If you are in the “giving” mood this month, as many are, or any time after December, 2014, please consider becoming a Patreon member (free) and supporter of creative people? You could help us to achieve particular goals, complete projects, and acquire enough general financial support to keep being creative.
Sally Ember, Ed.D.
What’s unique about Patreon‘s site and its campaigns is that donors and creative petitioners have the chance to interact via messages and also by the recipient’s offer of “rewards” as “thank-you” gifts, services, or products.
Sally (I) put on this campaign’s “rewards” page several options based on amounts of donations (first starts with a donation as low as $4.00), which include free ebooks, editing/proofreading services of increasing size for increasing donations, and other rewards in the future.
THE PITCH VIDEO:
http://youtu.be/f8nYsfjm_aU?list=UUqnZuobf0YTCiP6silDDL2w
Please visit, watch the pitch video, share, and consider becoming a Patreon patron.
Help fund a book cover, sound equipment upgrade and conversion of videos to podcasts, conversion of ebooks to print books and becoming available as Print-On-Demand (POD) books and/or provide any size donation to go towards the general financial support of a working #writer, CHANGES Google+ Hangout On Air (#HOA) talk show host and blogger who supports other #indie #authors.
Thanks, Happy Holidays, happy creating and happy reading!
THE PATREON PAGE:
http://www.patreon.com/sallyember
Filed under: CHANGES Episodes, G+ HOAs, Google HOAs, Support for Good Causes, The Spanners, Writing Tagged: authors, book covers, crowdfunding, Goals, Patreon, POD, Podcasts, Print-On-Demand, projects, Sally Ember, unemployment, Writers
December 8, 2014
Any Volunteers for a Debut Announcement?
Mazel Tov to you, Charles. I’m reblogging and reminding people to watch our great conversation on Episode 9 of *CHANGES* as they rev up to read your latest addition to the *Windemere* fantasy series! https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPbfKicwk4dFdeVSAY1tfhtjaEY_clmfq
Authors: learn more about and get yourself on or recommend someone to be scheduled as a guest: *CHANGES* G+ HOA http://sallyember.com/changes-videoca...
Originally posted on Legends of Windemere:
The Newsman from The Muppet Show
After a successful Cover Reveal, I was content to let things coast until the debut of:
Curse of the Dark Wind on December 12th!
Then I realized, I should probably do something on the day of the debut. Yet I didn’t want to organize a blog tour because those are a lot of work and haven’t had any payoff the last two times. Besides, people are coming to the holiday time and that’s when scheduling things enters a realm of ‘hit, miss, and oops’. So what did I come up with while I was painting, eating pizza, and cursing at my GPS?
First, I really should update the maps on the GPS.
Second, I’m going to make another call for volunteers for a BlOG BLAST! It’s really simple this time. Here are the steps:
Say you’ll help.
I post the ‘CURSE OF THE DARK…
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Filed under: Writing
California Department of Education Lies, Does Not Investigate LGBTQ Bullying
This is shameful. If you live in CA, DO SOMETHING! Your tax dollars are NOT at work!
Originally posted on Raising My Rainbow:
Ronin Shimizu
Like my son, Ronin Shimizu was a young boy living in California. He was a cheerleader, like my son hopes to be one day. Ronin is described as positive and happy, like my son is often described. He endured bullying because he liked something that some people is “only for girls.” Sadly, my son knows exactly how that feels.
Last week, 12-year-old Ronin decided to end the bullying by ending his life.
I worry every day that my son will have this too in common with Ronin. Because the group of kids like Ronin and my son have the highest rate of suicide attempts in the world.
The articles about Ronin’s death report that in the years leading up to his suicide, Ronin’s parents made multiple complaints to his school about the homophobic and gender-based bullying their son was experiencing. The school’s response was inadequate and the bullying…
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Filed under: Writing
Check out the Read Tuesday Catalog for Black Friday Book Deals in December
Both #TheSpannersSeries ebooks are in this catalog! #READTUESDAY is tomorrow! BUY #BOOKS! Some are #free, too! Thanks, Chris, for organizing this and all your hard work to make it happen!
Originally posted on ReadTuesday:
READ TUESDAY CATALOG
It’s the second annual Read Tuesday—a Black Friday type of event just for book lovers on Tuesday, December 9, 2014.
Several of the participating books are already on sale.
The Read Tuesday catalog is now up.
We have both print books and e-books participating. (Did you know that e-books can be gifted? Learn how here.)
Choose one of the following pages, depending on your interests:
(1) Kindle Deals
These Kindle e-books are on sale. Find several low-priced deals (even freebies):
http://readtuesday.com/countdown-deals
(2) Buy the Print Book, Get the Kindle Edition Free (Great Gift Option)
These books take advantage of Amazon’s MatchBook tool, setting the MatchBook offer to free. First purchase the print edition at Amazon, then get the Kindle edition for free. Read the instructions at the top of this catalog (click the following link) to learn more (it includes pictures to help make sure that…
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Filed under: Writing
Part III: Letter to my Earlier Self about #Preorders, Guest Blogger Post on The Book Cove Reviews
Part III: Letter to my Earlier Self about #Preorders, Guest Blogger Post on The Book Cove Reviews
This is Letter Three of Four of my “open letter to my earlier self” series that appears on The Book Cove Reviews, http://www.thebookcove.com/2014/12/author-sally-ember-edd-letter-to-my.html, late November – December, 2014, on consecutive Mondays. Letter One appeared 11/24/14; Letter Two on 12/1/14; Letter Four will appear on 12/15/14. This same series will repost on my own site, http://www.sallyember.com 3/26/15 – 4/18/15, on consecutive Mondays as well
Filed under: Blogging and others' content, Indie or Self-Publishing, Life lessons, Marketing, Personal stories, The Spanners, This Changes Everything, This Changes My Family and My Life Forever, Volume I of The Spanners, Volume II of The Spanners, Writing Tagged: Amazon, author platform, book marketing, iBooks, iTunes, KOBO, nook, pre-orders, Preorders, Sally Ember, Smashwords, The Book Cove Reviews
