Jake C. Wallace's Blog, page 11

Tease Me Thursday! Excerpt from Dare To Love Forever release date June1!

Welcome to another week of Tease Me Thursday! Here we show you 7 - seven words, seven sentences, or seven paragraphs. Read my snippet and then check out the other authors on the hop!
In celebration of my novel Dare To Love Forever coming out on June 1st from Amber Allure Publishing, I give you a larger preview!


Available June 1st from Amber Allure
Just as Doc was about to shock Carson’s dead heart, his eyes popped open in a wide unseeing gaze, his pupils dilated. Everyone jumped back. Carson’s chest heaved in a breath, and then another. The machines started to beep like crazy, the EEG machine measuring his brain waves spit out paper with colorful, scribbled peaks. His heart rate topped out over two hundred beats per minute. Shit, he was going to have a heart attack.
“Carson? Can you hear me? Carson!” Doc yelled. “Ten milligrams lorazepam, stat!”
The nurse scrambled to a cart and prepped a syringe, then pushed the medication into the IV. Thirty seconds and nothing changed. “Another ten milligrams.”
Lincoln’s fear rose, destroying any attempts to remain calm. He clenched his teeth, as a rush of blood pushed into his head and brought on his panic. “Do something, Doc!”
Doc gave him a sideways glance. “What the fuck do you think I’m doing?”
The door flew open. Max rushed in, eyes wide. “What the hell is going on? Alarms are going off everywhere.”
He looked from Carson to Lincoln and gasped. Lincoln was sure his face displayed pure terror. He tried to say something…anything…to Max, tried to move, but he couldn’t.
As Max rushed toward Lincoln, Carson turned his head, eyes focused and filled with awareness, and fixed on Lincoln. His chest continued to heave and his pants were barely audible over the alarms. A perplexed look crossed his face, his eyebrows furrowed, and then his eyes went wide.
A scream unlike Lincoln had ever heard came from deep within Carson’s chest. Everyone clamped their hands over their ears. The screams continued and Carson’s body started to convulse and buck harder as his eyes closed. His skin turned a scarlet red, mimicking a severe sunburn, and veins in his neck and arms popped out. Machines went haywire and many stopped working altogether.
“Don’t touch him! Get back!” Doc bellowed.
Max grabbed Lincoln and yanked him away from the bed as Carson’s endless screams tormented every cell in Lincoln’s body. An overwhelming need suffused his skin, his muscles, winding its way into his organs. He needed Carson, he needed him and what he had feared, what was against the odds, was happening—the bond was forming except…this reaction was wrong. Something was tearing Carson apart, and Lincoln could only stand back helplessly and watch. Tears stung at Lincoln’s eyes as Max held onto him, a strong arm wrapped around Lincoln’s chest.
“I have to go to him!” Lincoln yelled but he didn’t struggle against Max. “It’s killing him. It’s my fault!”
No one responded. Every wide eye in the room was on the young man on the bed, screaming, and no one could do anything but gawk and wait.
“What the hell is that?” Casey yelled.
Along Carson’s torso and arms, black marks surfaced on his skin. Gasps filled the room as words and symbols formed and solidified like tattoos, covering Carson’s arms and chest.
As quickly as the onslaught had begun, Carson’s body stilled. He was silent, and even though he’d stopped screaming, the phantom noise still rang in Lincoln’s ears.Carson’s chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm, the redness in his skin faded, his body went slack, and his muscles, that moments ago had been rigid, were relaxed. He appeared to be sleeping. Lincoln couldn’t tear his eyes from the indecipherable words and symbols decorating his skin.
The room was filled with vampires imitating statues. No one spoke for several minutes until the door flew open and Wright and Dennison rushed in.
“What the hell? We were locked out of the building,” Wright said, then stopped short, no doubt seeing Carson. “Oh, my gods.”
Dennison approached the bed. “Well, that’s interesting.”
In his awe, Max dropped his arm from Lincoln, but Lincoln remained where he was. In his mind, Lincoln recalled that Dennison was supposed to be home on suspension, but Lincoln couldn’t have cared less at the moment.
Apparently gaining his senses, Doc rushed to the bed. “Get me some new machines in here. I want a full workup and a CAT scan and an MRI and anything else we’ve fucking got. Yeah, and get me a shaman, cause I have no clue what this shit is!”
That got the nurse and Casey moving.
“What language is that?” Max asked.
Lincoln shook his head, but didn’t answer. Conversations ensued around him, but he blocked them out. He took a step forward, the pull to be near Carson too great to give him a choice. Bonded. He closed his eyes as the implications assaulted him, then he neared the bed. The bonding only occurred when Sanatore vampires shared blood with another vampire, and the actual chances of bonding, a physical and mental coupling, were extremely rare.
He reached out to touch the newly tattooed skin on Carson’s arm. He already knew how the touch would feel but as his fingertips ran over Carson’s skin, the foreign, black writing glowed a fiery red and appeared to hover above Carson’s skin, as if in 3D.Lincoln snatched his hand back and cradled it to his chest.
“What the fuck did you do?” Dennison asked in an accusatory tone.
Lincoln looked up to the stares of disbelief and suspicion. “I-I just touched him.”
“You’re bonded, aren’t you?” Casey asked with an exasperated sigh.
Max stepped up to Lincoln. “Even if they are, this—” He waved a hand at Carson. “This doesn’t have anything to do with bonding.”
Dennison stepped up to the bed and pointed a finger at Lincoln. “Are you fucking crazy? You bonded with him! A fucking Tabula Rosa. Wasn’t the chaos you caused last time enough? What happens when he rejects you and you lose it—again?”
“I didn’t think that this would happen again,” Lincoln growled, the lie passing his lips easily. He tried to pass Max to get to Dennison. “Doc said it wouldn’t.”
Max pushed back against Lincoln to keep him separated from Dennison.
“I said the odds were astronomically high that it would happen again. Not that it couldn’t. But you’re all missing the important shit here. Bonding is the least of our worries.”
Lincoln knew what they were staring at was some strange ass shit, but he wasn’t going to let Dennison come in here and tell him what he should or shouldn’t have done.
“You’re a fucking idiot!” Dennison yelled.
“Get the fuck out of here! You’re supposed to be on suspension!” Lincoln was going to kill the lieutenant with his bare hands.
Wright grabbed Dennison’s arms and yanked him toward the door. “Let’s go, John, and cool down.” He yanked his arm from her grip and tried to lunge at Lincoln. Wright grabbed him again and held him back.
As Lincoln struggled against Max to get to Dennison, a voice saying Lincoln’s name caught his attention.
“Lincoln? What’s going on?”
Lincoln turned to see Carson staring at him, a mask of fear covering his face.
“Oh, shit,” Lincoln muttered.
The irises of Carson’s eyes were blood red.

Wednesday Briefs #6: The Hollow: Soul Seekers

Copyright 2014  JC Wallace
Each Week a group of authors participate weekly in Wednesday Briefs Flash Fiction. Each installment is 500-1000 words long and is posted to our blogs each week. After you read the latest in my story, click on the link at the end to visit the other flashers.
Welcome my new weekly flash story The Hollow: Soul Seekers. My previous story Diventando: Becoming has been pulled so I can prep it for publication. I will let you know in the future a date of publication.


Levi could scarcely appreciate the magnitude of the force growing from some primitive pit deep within his mind. It – whatever it was – was coming, ready or not.He had to get out. Running was his only solution, the only thing that made sense.  A break with one’s psyche had to be messy and definitely nothing a room full of his fellow students deserved to witness. It sounded like nasty business.
“Hey,” Gia said, from behind him setting a hand on Levi’s shoulder. “You okay?”
Unprecedented pressure crowded Levi’s mind, and, like an over extended balloon, something eventually had to give. Terrifying visions of his grey and white brain matter splattering across student’s faces, on pages of open textbooks—expensive textbooks, Mr. Cobbert and that hideous tie covered with statistical equations invaded his mind. Levi wondered just how long he had before his head exploded.Gia’s hand on his shoulder shot pain into his bone and it was more than he could stand. Levi jerked away. 
“Levi?” Concern colored Gia’s voice.
Fumbling to gather what remained on his desk and his messenger bag, Levi bolted for the door. What was happening to him? God, anywhere but here. The electric heat rushing through him spiked, and he swayed to balance the load in his arms. A large black blur startled him as it rushed past the window of the door. Taken back a bit, Levi hesitated and he grabbed for the metal door handle and started to pull it open when a painful spark of static electricity crackled at his fingertips. Instinctively, Levi pulled his hand back. Don’t let the door close. Lifting his leg, Levi caught the metal monstrosity and squeezed through as it slammed behind him.
Which way?His car. It was in the front parking lot. To the right. The hallway was empty. As he ran down the hallway, the unrelenting cranial pressure doubled him over in agony. Stumbling to remain upright, Levi steadied his palm against the wall and pushed off, propelling himself forward. Thoughts were vacant from his head. He was in pure survival mode, true fight-or-flight, however something was wrong. No. Something was missing – the fear.
The front doors. Blinding sunlight. Colored figures rushed past him, pushing and knocking into him.
So much pressure!
“Hey, watch it!” a male voice yelled as Levi bounced off his chest.
When his vision came into focus, Levi was well into the parking lot, dodging moving and parked cars.  A blur of black passed nearby but he ignored it. His only objective—find his car and fast.
Again, he doubled over as the pain escalated, this time accompanied with a roil of nausea.  Where was his damned car?
Digging deep into his front pocket, Levi fought to free his keys. Just as he reasoned the piece of shit must have been stolen, there it was. He had never been so relieved to find the old rusting heap of steel. Juggling the keys, Levi managed to hit the button on the key fob, grateful for access to the locked car.
Dropping into the driver seat, another wave of mind-numbing pain knocked into him. Not again. His hands went to his head. Maybe if he squeezed hard enough the counter-pressure would relieve the pain, or maybe it would simply crush his skull. The act was enough of a reprieve from the pain and Levi revved the four-cylinder to life. Without hesitation, he backed out of the space then slammed the gearshift to “D”, fleeing, as if he were being chased by every scary monster in the history of scary monsters.
On Main Street, he took a left, even though the route home was to the right. Barreling through town on autopilot, he took the left onto Howson then the left onto Lakeview, which ran along to the east side of Lake George. The pressure that had threatened to explode from his head was backing off. The further he traveled on the paved road, which eventually turned to hardpan, the further the force shrank. Dazzling pops of electric shocks still invaded his hands and went up to his elbows. Not numbing but alive and dancing. He watched as his hands twitched and jumped on the steering wheel making it hard to hold on.
Levi turned his attention back to the road. Large lakefront homes with well-manicured lawns lining the left side of the road became further and far between. Smaller camps peeked out from overgrown brush and evergreen trees on the sides of the road, which narrowed even further into one lane. His rusted Ford creaked and moaned as it bounced over large holes and ruts in the neglected road. Levi’s escape hadn’t been as aimless as it had first appeared, but why the hell he’d chosen to come here, he couldn’t fathom.
Levi was no stranger to Lakeview Road or this southern corner of Lake George. Childhood summers were spent at a small camp that had belonged to his paternal uncle, Ray and his wife Aunt Helen. Hot and hazy summer days had been filled with hiking, swimming, fishing, and boating. Uncle Ray had died suddenly about ten years ago. After that, Aunt Helen pretty much had disowned their entire family for reasons Levi could only guess. Now, exactly which camp it was, eluded his memory. Anxiety tended to turn his memories into Swiss cheese.
Reaching the end of the road, Levi slowed and pulled into the large dirt area cleared for the sole purpose of parking. SUVs and trucks were parked at various angles, parked without care. Their occupants were either hiking the extensive trails that circled the unpopulated areas of the mountains, or were at the state campground two miles down the lake. The only access to those areas was by boat or the well-marked state trails.
Parking at the furthest end of the lot, Levi hoped no one would notice his car, but then, who would know to look for him here? Levi had an urgent desire to breathe fresh air and exited the car. Quiet rushed at him. A beautiful requiem.

Something, in those few seconds, told him that he should stop to allow reason to creep back in—a moment to ponder his flight to this location. But no. Levi locked his car and jogged to a nearby path, failing to consider just where he was going. 
##
Check out the other flashers:

Kazy ReedJon KeysMA ChurchChris T. KatGrace Duncan  TC CollinsLM BrownCia NordwellSarah HayesRob ColtonAndrew Q. GordonJim DunawayJulie Lynn Hayes

Tease Me Thusday! Dare To Love Forever!

Welcome to another week of Tease Me Thursday! Here we show you 7 - seven words, seven sentences, or seven paragraphs. Read my snippet and then check out the other authors on the hop!

This is a snippet from my story Dare To Love Forever coming out on June 1st from Amber Allure Publishing! 



Ignoring the dangerousness of his mission, Carson grasped the door handle. What he feared would be locked opened freely. Inside the VBM, the refrigerated cases hummed. The air was cooler than in the hallway. Carson’s mouth watered and his empty stomach clenched tight. Rushing to the first case, he pulled open the door. He grabbed the closest opaque white container and ripped the top off. Just as he lifted the container with the lifesaving liquid to his lips, the lights came on and a voice shouted, “Freeze!”
Carson dropped the container and gasped. His heart pushed into overdrive, his breaths barely escaped his throat. He gaped at the three men and two women dressed in black uniforms pointing guns at him. Carson tried to remain still but his feet moved backward without thought.

“Freeze or we’ll shoot!” A man with short black hair, who was larger than a truck, leveled a gun at Carson’s head. The man could end all of Carson’s pain. The fear, the hunger, the uncertainty, the agony of losing his family. Just charge at the giant—or slip his hand into his pocket as if he had a gun—and the bullets would do the rest. But as he ran into the wall behind him, his muscles seized. He was going to die no matter what he did. 

Down on your knees and hands on your head!"

Without thought, Carson went down hard on his knees and rested his hands on his head. His head swam from hunger, and his legs shook. It was all he could do to remain upright. Carson closed his eyes and thought of his younger brother, Caden, and his mom. He just wanted this to be over quick.

“Strip him,” he heard the gruff voice say.
Carson's chest locked up as hands grabbed him...

##
Check out the other author's participating in Tease Me Thursday!

Wednesday Briefs #5: The Hollow: Soul Seekers

Copyright 2014  JC Wallace
Each Week a group of authors participate weekly in Wednesday Briefs Flash Fiction. Each installment is 500-1000 words long and is posted to our blogs each week. After you read the latest in my story, click on the link at the end to visit the other flashers.

Welcome my new weekly flash story The Hollow: Soul Seekers. My previous story Diventando: Becoming has been pulled so I can prep it for publication. I will let you know in the future a date of publication.



 Levi hit the snooze button three times before he rolled out of bed after 7AM. The previous day was a blur of memories but the panic and fear were fresh in his mind. Jumping into the shower, he hoped the water would wake up his groggy mind. Despite his lack of sleep, Levi moved quicker than usual, remembering he’d agreed to meet his friend, Gia, in the coffee shop at school to review notes before stats class. Out in the driveway his father’s truck was already gone as was usual. Logan’s black Ford F150 was still parked on the lawn by the garage. At least he was able to sleep in after Levi’s nonsense last night. Even though Logan would never admit it, Levi’s constant anxiety had to be draining even if his panic attacks had become sporadic over the last few years, well until he’d gone away to college.
Yesterday’s attack had definitely been a result of Levi stopping his medication.  During his teens, the panic had been under control through medication and counseling. However, not a day passed without some level of anxiety. Irrational fears thrived beneath the surface as a menacing presence in an unrelenting state of readiness. His tolerance for low level of anxiety was probably higher than what most people could endure over the long term. Life could progress relatively uneventful at a lower intensity - a nagging uneasiness, apprehension, disquiet. Problems arose when the menace found cracks in his barrier.
Dr. Ross had helped Levi visualize his “dam” in an effort to contain the unyielding troublemaker. Given the enormity of his anxiety, a dam seemed like the intelligent choice. Wasn’t a dam designed to hold back massive lakes of water, thousands of cubic feet of pressure with steel reinforced concrete? Now, the pressure against Levi’s dam was gaining as the fear grew stronger. Fissures had formed, weakening the structure. Patching the holes was creating an enormous amount of mental strain and taking precious energy. It wasn’t just because he had stopped his medication. Tiny cracks over the years had grown larger, branching out. And his experiment of terminating his medication had produced a major panic attack but the long term outcome remained to be seen.
Levi pulled into the closest parking spot he could find behind North Country Community College. This small school close to home was Levi’s consolation prize after having to leave Plattsburgh State in northern NY before the end of his first semester. Another dream stolen by the monster.
As he exited the car, his cell phone rang. Struggling to free it from the front pocket of his jeans, he sprinted across the parking lot to the Annex.
“I’m here,” he yelled into the phone as he skirted through the front door. To the left was the Cyber Café, where Gia waved frantically from a table in the rear. Levi pushed through the bodies and slid into the chair at the small round table already covered with books, a laptop and two large Caramel Macchiato Espressos.
“Hey, Levi. About time. I’d just about given you up for dead. Was already planning my vengeance,” Gia said, sarcastically.
Her bright red lips were a stark contrast to her alabaster skin and darker-than-black hair. Italian from head to toe, hairy and raised on revenge, she’d informed Levi when they’d first met in ninth grade. Levi had paused, unsure if he should have laughed or been mortified. Italians are very hairy people. I’ve been getting electrolysis since the age of five, Gia had explained. And yes, cross me or someone I care about and they’ll never find the body. Four-foot, eleven of pure uncensored Italian.  Disarming to some with her forthright manner, Levi had grown accustomed to what Gia labeled her Dark Side. People for the most part were boring entities. Gia brought color to the world.
 “Rough night. Running on about six hours of sleep,” he confessed, but left it there.
Gia had some knowledge of Levi’s anxiety issues but not the magnitude of the iceberg beneath the surface. Not even Logan knew how behemoth it truly was.
“That’s what happens when you’re up all night having sex with random guys,” Gia said, total deadpan. 
“Especially ones that scratch,” she said alluding to the self-inflicted red marks on Levi’s throat.
Levi’s hand automatically went to his throat and the scratches he’d create during the panic attack. His fingertips stung the raw spots. Quickly, he tried to remove the focus from him. “Ha! Sex. What’s that?” A quiver in his voice threatened to betray him.
“It’s this nifty little thing that your virgin ass needs more of.”
“Says you,” Levi muttered, regretful he’d brought up the subject at all. 
Gia’s perpetual purpose on the planet was to “get” Levi some. Levi had bigger demons to fight than relationships and thoughts of groping and frotting and blowjobs and anal sex. When you’re a hollow husk of nothing, sex tends to take a back seat. Gay sex especially because that shit comes with a whole other set of issues.
Gratefully, Gia dropped Levi’s taboo subject and moved onto statistics. In an hour, they were seated in Mr. Cobbert’s class as he droned on endlessly at the board. Levi fought the profound weight of him eyelids. He craned his neck to whisper to Gia. “Keep me awake.”
Gia snorted at the likelihood of that. Levi leaned his elbow against the desk and supported his chin with his palm, closing his eyes for a moment. Just a moment.
As sleep overtook him, Levi startled and caught his head from rolling off his palm then righted himself. Eyes still closed, Levi mused at past memories of watching fellow classmates fight to doze with their heads upright.  How many were currently entertained with his struggle? Let them watch, he thought descending further from Mr. Cobbert’s monotone murmuring until words were no longer discernible. A low octave hum followed into him subconscious.
Just as he entered deep sleep, Levi’s psyche smashed into a barrier with the equivalence of hitting a wall at eighty miles per hour. The crash rattled every fiber of his being. With the magnitude of a vocal cry, a guttural scream penetrated his subconscious, ripping Levi from sleep and into consciousness. Disoriented to his location, he startled and gripped the sides of his desk, the force dumping his books onto the floor. The resounding boom echoed into every corner of the room. Heads spun around and dozens of pairs of eyes stared at him relentlessly. Levi could only grit his teeth as a roar filled his ears. Not the familiar roar of rushing blood, but of something coming. Something huge.



Check out the other flashers this week here.

Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia! May17 - 24th

Welcome to the Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia!

Welcome! On this first day of the blog hop the focus is on transphobia. Thanks for stopping by! 
After reading the blog, leave a comment between 5/17 and 5/24 and be entered into a drawing to win your choice of one of the following ebooks: 
Curiosity Killed Shaney or Dare To Love Forever (coming in June)

What causes transphobia?Lack of informationand stereotypesportrayed by the media. The most proactive thing you can do about transphobia is to arm yourself with information and educate others.
Facts:
Nearly one million adults in the US identity of transgender.
According to a recent Pew poll, 90% of Americans say they personally know someone who is lesbian, gay, or bisexual. However only 8% of Americans say they personally know someone who is transgender.
The National Transgender Discrimination Survey, the largest study of transgender people’s experiences, found that 41 percent of transgender and gender non-conforming people have attempted suicide, a rate far higher than the national average of 4.6 percent.

What does transgender mean?
Transgender is a term for people whose gender identity differs from what is typically associated with the sex they were assigned at birth. For transgender people, the sex they were assigned at birth and their own internal gender identity do not match.

What’s the difference between sex and gender?Sex refers to the designation of a person at birth as either "male" or "female" based on their anatomy (e.g. reproductive organs) and/or their biology (e.g. hormones).
Gender refers to the traditional or stereotypical roles, behaviors, activities and attributes that a given society consider appropriate for men and women.
Gender identity is someone's internal, personal sense of being a man or a woman.
Keep in mind that gender identity is not sexual orientation. Sexual orientation refers to whom you are attracted, so trans people can be gay, bisexual, straight, asexual, pansexual, etc., just like cisgender individuals.

What is Gender Identity Disorder?
Gender identity disorder is a condition in which a male or female feels a strong identification with the opposite sex.
“Gender Dysphoria is an intense, psychologically painful and anxiety laden state which can intensify over time to the point of being intolerable.  Gender is our first and most intimate identity, and to have that be wrong in some way is deeply disturbing.  I have had many people say some form of:  “there is no choice, it’s either this or I kill myself”.  Furthermore, transitioning is a process of becoming who one authentically is.” — Ami B. Kaplan, LCSW

Does everyone who is transgender “transition” physically?
Many transgender people seek to bring their bodiesmore into alignment with their gender identity. While some Transgender people may alter their bodies with hormones and/or surgery, many do not.
Medical procedures don’t define someone as transgender. The gender they identify with in their minds does.

What is the correct way to refer to someone who is transgender?
Remember: Transgender is not a noun but an adjective. And transgender never needs an "-ed" at the end.
Incorrect: “Jake is a transgender."
Correct: Jake is a transgender person."

What is the difference between “coming out” lesbian, gay or bi and “coming out” transgender?
"Coming out" to other people as lesbian, gay, or bisexual is typically seen as revealing a "truth" that allows others to know your authentic self. The LGB community places great importance and value on the idea of being "out" in order to be happy and whole.
When a transgender person has transitioned and is living as their authentic gender - that is their "truth." The world is now seeing them as their true selves. Unfortunately, a person is transgender may no longer be seen as a "real" man or woman - and it can feel disempowering for a transgender person to have that experience.
A transgender person does not need to be "out" to everyone in order to feel happy and whole.

What do the initials FTM and MTF stand for?
FTM stands for female-to-male and refers to someone who was designated female at birth but identifies and expresses himself as a man. Many FTM transgender people prefer the term "trans man" to describe themselves.
MTF stands for male-to-female and refers to someone who was designated male at birth but who identifies and expresses herself as a woman. Many MTF transgender people prefer the term "trans woman" to describe themselves.

How do I know which pronouns to use?
Transgender people should be identified with their preferred pronoun. Often this is the pronoun that corresponds to the gender with which they identify. Not sure? It’s appropriate to respectfully ask their name and which pronouns they’d prefer. Some transgender people do not believe in a gender binary and prefer not to use pronouns typically associated with men (e.g. him) and women (e.g. her). Instead, they would prefer if people simply used their names or used a non-gendered pronoun such as “hir” or “they.”

Learn more about the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia

To visit other blogs following the hop click here.

Transgender ResourcesNational Center for Transgender EqualityHuman Rights CampaignImpact ProgramSusan’s Place Transgender ResourcesGLAADGender Talk

Wednesday Briefs #4: The Hollow: Soul Seekers

Copyright 2014  JC Wallace
Each Week a group of authors participate weekly in Wednesday Briefs Flash Fiction. Each installment is 500-1000 words long and is posted to our blogs each week. After you read the latest in my story, click on the link at the end to visit the other flashers.

Welcome my new weekly flash story The Hollow: Soul Seekers. My previous story Diventando: Becoming has been pulled so I can prep it for publication. I will let you know in the future a date of publication. 



Logan’s stood and turned away from Levi. Beneath his thin white T-shirt, the muscles in his back rippled and Levi knew he was trying to control his anger. Anger for me. A painful stab hit Levi in the heart.
Suddenly, Logan spun to face him. “You stopped taking your meds?” Confusion quickly morphed into irritation and then into anger. “Do you know how awful it was watching you? You should’ve seen the look on your face. It was as if you were about to be murdered by some monster – a monster that doesn’t exist, of course. I felt so damned helpless. If fear could truly kill a person, you would be dead right now. That’s how scared you looked.” Logan shook his head violently, as if trying to rid his mind of a horrible image.
Levi drew back a bit. Logan had never expressed such angry with him. Not once about Levi’s irrational fears, or his strange rituals to avoid the panic, or his late nights filled with dread, or for being a major drain on his life.  Not once had Logan indicated that his little brother’s mental illness bothered him or was an undue burden.
Now Logan was saying all but saying that and Levi thought he knew why.
Levi had always gone along with whatever his parent and experts said would help him to get better; numerous therapies and counseling, medications, exercise, eating right. Until now, Levi had been a helpless victim. Now Logan looked at Levi as if he were an accomplice or something worse. He looked so disappointed.
“Don’t be mad, Logan. I can explain.” Levi’s eyes were gritty, as if filled with sand. Rubbing them didn’t help. He squinted. Is it getting brighter in here?
Logan folded his arms over his large chest. His body posture was a warning that Levi’s explanation had better be a good one. Levi couldn’t stand how Logan glowered down at him and tried to halt his impending tears. But they were inevitable and burned him eyes.
You never, ever cry. Stop it.
Lowering his head, Levi hoped to stall long enough for his eyes to dry. The moment necessitated strength and great will. He didn’t need his deep-seated, innate weakness to be pulled further into the light.
A blink and a single tear left a moist trail as it rolled along the side of his nose. Before he could capture the wayward drop, it rolled over the top of his lip and fell, splattering on his hand.
Damn. Betrayed by a tear.
“Are you crying?” Logan asked and Levi could hear the innuendo in his brother’s voice.
Poor pitiful Levi. So fragile. Don’t get him upset. He’s so scared all of the time, unable to keep it together long enough to go away to school or keep a job. Whatever will we do with him? Just pathetic.
God, he waspathetic and weak. That thought was enough to stop his tears and replace them with disgust. Who in the world lived like he did? Who lived in an empty shell where they rarely experienced any emotions except fear? Levi had fear down pat, from low-level anxiety to full-blown, debilitating, scared-to-death fear. He was an expert at fear. But all of those other emotions that actually made a person human—like happiness, sadness, lust, love, anger—well, those emotions and sensations merely echoed about Levi’s insides, never taking root, never growing in intensity. He was never totally pissed off or ecstatic or lust-driven or deliriously happy or any other extreme. On rare occasions, though, he’d experienced the intensity of certain emotions, almost like a real boy. Those had been attached to life changing events with hit-you-head-on emotions like when his Nana had died suddenly (punch to the stomach grief), or when he’d accidentally stabbed Stevie Haskins in the foot when trying to juggle knives (big time remorse), or when he’d crashed his bike into a car, breaking his leg in two places and missing summer camp (bitter anger), or when Logan had crashed his snowmobile, flying helmetless into a tree and nearly dying (big time fear but at least there was actually something to fear that time).
That pity in Logan’s eyes energized Levi’s disgust, threatening his long-standing resolve that he could never, not in million years, do anything to hurt his older brother. But fuck if that anger wasn’t stretching out and filling him up. Being an unfeeling shell, Levi’s ability to deal with emotions when they occurred hovered around an “F” minus. Intense emotions rarely entered his world and when they did invade, they took total control and called all of the shots.
Levi bolted to his feet, towering over Logan who still kneeled on the floor. The motion nearly knocked Logan off balance and he struggled to stand. Levi’s pointed a finger into Logan’s chest before his brother could regain his senses.
“I’m so sick and tired of people feeling sorry for me. The way you look at me so full of sympathy and pity is sickening. You wanted to know why I didn’t come to you? That’s it, right there. That look,” Levi sneered, poking his finger up into Logan’s face. Logan looked down his nose at the finger and then back at Levi’s face, the surprised expression melting away. Logan’s eyebrows furrowed and his jaw clenched, but he remained silent.
Red heat flushed Levi’s cheeks. “And Dad with his disappointing glance over his reading glasses whenever I fail to meet his expectations like his golden boy, Logan, and telling me I just have to stop being afraid as if it’s all that easy. Or Mom whispering to Aunt Joanie on the phone how I am just not right and to pray to the great Lord any girl I find will understand my ‘condition,’” he said, adding the air quotes, ”lest I will live life alone.”  And he would live alone if girls were his only choice.
“And everyone else in my life who can’t understand why I sometimes miss classes, or rarely leave the house or go for coffee or to the movies, or go on Spring Break or whatever else normal people do.” He took in a deep breath unable to cease his rambling. He was a prisoner with unattainable freedom dangled in front of his face daily and he was sick of it.
Logan shifted his weight then returned to his inanimate stature.
“Excuses,” he confessed, raising him arms and letting them drop to him sides. “That is the sum of my entire life. Excuses to make up for my inborn weaknesses, my innate inability to understand there really is nothing to be afraid of. Excuses carefully designed to spare myself long winded explanations of what is exactly wrong with me and evade puzzled, incredulous looks when they realize there really is nothing wrong with me because it’s not like I have cancer or some chronic physical aliment. And if there’s nothing really wrong with me then why should I tolerate meds that make me numb, spacey, and unable to concentrate. That make me feel like I live in an alternate universe parallel to this one. I want to feel something, anything real. I can’t live like this anymore. I’m…I’m…emotionally retarded.”
Levi desperately wanted to avoid Logan’s stare, but he stiffened his spine and met Logan’s eyes with an icy glare. Don’t back down Levi. Now shut up!
The momentary pardon from his previous exhaustion ended and he swayed a bit, desiring nothing more than to collapse onto him bed, crawl under the covers and shut out the world. The intense emotion evaporated faster than snow on black pavement under the spring sun. Logan took a long moment and studied Levi’s face. He cocked an eyebrow. What conclusion would he reach about Levi’s ranting? He hadn’t been privy to many of Levi’s emotional overdoses, first because they were rare, and second because the last one occurred when Logan had been in a coma for two weeks. Lucky him.
Levi was about to break the awful silence when Logan’s face relaxed from his irritation and a smile curled at the corners of his lips. “Are you done?” He rocked back and then forward on his heels, his smile appearing. “I mean, far be it from me to impinge on your pity party since apparently I’m the one who invited it with my piteous leering.”
Levi frowned. “Piteous? Really Logan?”
Logan returned the frown. “Golden boy? Really Levi?”
The door to Levi’s room flew open. Levi spun around, his hand coming to his chest. Again, his heart shifted in overdrive. Art Reed stood in the doorway in his white v-neck T-shirt and white tighty-whiteys, his t-shirt tucked into his underwear, which Levi had always found just odd.
“What the hell is going on in here?” their father growled. His salt and pepper hair disheveled, he blinked his eyes as they adjusted to the sudden brightness of the room. Apparently, he’d come straight from bed the minute his feet the floor. “I can hear you two numb-skulls all the way in my room.”
“Sorry Dad. We were just talking and got a little loud. We’ll be quieter.” The sincerity in Logan’s tone had an immediate calming effect on their father.
“You’d better,” their father said, pointing his warning finger. “Some of us have to get up early tomorrow.” The door to the room slammed shut as abruptly as it had opened. Footsteps faded down the hall and a door slammed shut.
Levi turned back to Logan, still trying to recover from his father’s surprise entrance. Logan’s smile faded and his expression returned to that of a worried older brother.

After twenty-five minutes of persuasion, Levi finally convinced Logan he’d be okay and Logan left. Levi finally flopped into bed at 1AM, more than exhausted. Morning would come quickly and his statistics class started at 9AM. He sucked at statistics.
##

Check out the other flashers this week:
Kazy ReedJon KeysNephylimMA ChurchChris T. KatGrace Duncan  JohayanCia NordwellJim DunawayTali SpencerShelly SchulzAndrew Q. GordonJulie Lynn Hayes

Dare to Love Forever Cover Reveal!

Coming from Amber Allure at the beginning of June!
Carson Locke is a Tabula Rosa vampire—a dangerous rarity in the world of vampires. With one bite, he can wipe clean a vampire's mind, turning them into mindless drones. Because of this, Carson has spent his entire twenty-three years sheltered at home. All that changed with the murder of his family. Now on the run and near death, Carson meets Lieutenant Lincoln Samuels, a beautiful vampire who tries to heal him and in doing so turns Carson into something no one has ever seen before.
Lincoln is a Sanatore Vampire and a lieutenant in the New Vampire Justice police force in Utica, NY. Late one night, he is called to a local Vampire Blood Market where he finds a starving Tabula Rosa vampire ready to be executed by one of his officers. Feeling a strong connection to Carson, he wants to heal the broken man despite knowing the risks he takes in doing so. Healing Carson might mean destroying himself. Lincoln must overcome past fears of loss or he may lose himself as well as Carson.
Can these two vampires who have loved and painfully lost in the past, learn to trust one another, defeat the evil rising against them, and dare to love forever?

Wednesday Briefs #3: The Hollow: Soul Seekers

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Copyright 2014  JC Wallace
Each Week a group of authors participate weekly in Wednesday Briefs Flash Fiction. Each installment is 500-1000 words long and is posted to our blogs each week. After you read the latest in my story, click on the link at the end to visit the other flashers.

Welcome my new weekly flash story The Hollow: Soul Seekers #1 . My previous story Diventando: Becoming has been pulled so I can prep it for publication. I will let you know in the future a date of publication. 




“Hey,” Logan said, finally breaking the silence. “Over?”
Unable to stall any longer, Levi slowly rose until he was almost sitting erect and nodded. Wisps of dizziness still spun in his brain. The heavy weight of the upper half of his body almost knocked him back over. He rested his elbows on his knees and nestled his head in his hands. His legs shook under the weight.
Logan’s gently touched Levi’s shoulder and the shock waves reverberated into the core of his chest. Damned over-developed startle response.
“Levi.” A noiseless pause. “Say something.”
A simple request but his mouth felt as though it had been welded shut. Prying his tongue from the roof of his mouth, Levi managed a dry, hoarse, “Thirsty.”
Before his words made their way around the room, Logan had leapt from the bed rushing to Levi’s bathroom and quickly returning with a paper cup of water. A relieved smile replaced the harsh line that had been Logan’s mouth only minutes earlier. A spark lightened his blue eyes beneath the darkness cast from the lid of his favorite ball cap. Curls of dark blonde hair – a bit darker than Levi’s – peaked from under the back of the cap.  The scar from an accident a few years ago came from beneath the ball cap and ended just beneath Logan’s left eye. Still pronounced, the scar always made Levi gasp quietly when he really focused on the deep red jagged line.
“Here.” Logan pushed the cup into Levi’s weakened hand.
Levi grabbed at the cup awkwardly with both hands and juggled the lip of the cup to his mouth, slopping some of the clear liquid onto his shirt. At first, he sipped the water then, after the first cool drop hit his parched tongue, he emptied the cup of every drop.
“Whoa,” Logan said with a chuckle. “More?”
Levi nodded and emptied another cup when Logan had returned. Logan trashed the cup and settled onto the bed next to Levi. Logan’s weight displaced Levi and he had to steady himself. Fatigue was turning into exhaustion, overtaking Levi’s mind with a ferocity that equaled the fear. Sleep would be his refuge but not yet.
“I’m sorry, Logan.” The words were barely audible.
“For what?” There was a hint of surprise in Logan’s question.
For being a man reduced to the fears and functioning of a toddler.
“I’m not the one who just battled the demon,” Logan said, failing to lighten the mood. He punctuated this sentence with a light punch in Levi’s arm.
Levi straightened up a bit. Recognition brought a bit of a sneer to his lip. “You hit me.”
“What? Can’t take a little punch from your big brother?” he teased. Teasing Levi was one of Logan’s favorite past times.
He raised his hand to his left cheek and tried not to glare too harshly at his brother. “You. Hit. Me.”
Logan flinched as if he had felt the slap against his own face. Anguish colored his eyes and he averted his stare. Silence. Logan’s eyes scanned the room as if searching for the words or possibly an escape. When he returned his gaze to Levi, his eyes swam with so many emotions, too many to pin them all down. Levi was sure fear was one of them.Logan straightened where he sat, a move definitely to increase his courage. 
“You were so...” He paused before blurting out, “gone. It was like you weren’t even there no matter what I said or did.” He pulled off his ball cap and held it in one hand and raked the other hand nervously, through his golden mane, setting his curls free. “The fear on your face was sheer panic.” He stared pointedly at Levi probably intent on getting his point across. “I was scared Levi - about two minutes from waking Mom and Dad or calling 911.” 
His shoulder rounded and Levi could see this attack had taken a toll on his protector as well. Logan’s reaction reiterated how bad Levi’s panic attack had been. More times than he could count, Logan had sat with Levi, talking him through the panic and mind-altering fear. As long as Levi could remember, Logan had done whatever was necessary to assure Levi felt safe and connected to the real world. Logan’s world wasn’t Levi’s world. Levi’s world had been created within the real world. An invisible barrier prevented him from truly living life as others knew it, always an arm’s lengths away. He dwelled in a realm built on anxiety, dread, feelings of unreality, and invisible threats from a faceless enemy. Dulled emotions, the need to feel something - anything – had dominated his nineteen years. He was different from his family and friends, and had always known that fact to be true. 
He nodded, ignoring the imminent shut down of his weary brain. “Yeah. It was bad.”
“Why didn’t you come and get me earlier? And why this one was so bad? I can’t remember the last time you had a full blown panic attack?” Logan’s questions rolled out one after another then the one question Levi had been dreading. “Did you forget your meds today or something?”
Out of the corner of his eye, Levi glanced at the small black zippered bag that rested on his nightstand next to his bed. Even at school earlier in the day, the contents of that bag had reached out to him, calling with promises of relief.  Logan’s eyes searched Levi’s face for any answer other than the one he had.
He’d quit taking his meds over a week ago.

##


Check out the other flashers this week:
MA ChurchChris T. Kat Jon KeysLM BrownNephylim Lily Sawyer MC Houle Shelly SchulzGrace Duncan  TC CollinsLarry BenjaminJohayanCia NordwellRob ColtonJim DunawayRenee Stevens Victoria AdamsAndrew Q. GordonTali SpencerE.S.  JC WallaceJulie Lynn Hayes

Wednesday Briefs #2: The Hollow: Soul Seekers

##Copyright JC Wallace 2014
Each week a group of authors participate weekly in Wednesday Briefs Flash Fiction. Each installment is 500-1000 words long and is posted to our blogs each week. After you read the latest in my story, click on the link at the end to visit other flashers. 
Welcome my new weekly flash story The Hollow: Soul Seekers #1 . My previous story Diventando: Becoming has been pulled so I can prep it for publication. I will let you know in the future a date of publication. 



Logan gripped him firmly by each shoulder. Levi could barely feel the pressure. Floating…I feel like I am floating.
Blackness pushed into the edges of his vision.  Beneath him, his legs threatened to buckle and send him crashing to floor.
“Levi?” Logan’s voice wafted away on an undetectable breeze. When Levi didn’t answer, Logan gently shook his shoulder and put more authority behind his name. “Levi!" Look at me,” he demanded.
Levi’s chin rested upon his chest, his eyes stared into nothingness. His head was heavy. The warmth of his brother’s hand beneath his chin caused Levi to lift his head. Forcing his eyes to work together, he focused on his brother’s face. Rigid hard lines and narrowed eyes, masked slightly by the shadow of his ball cap, spoke to the seriousness of his demand.
“I…I…c-can’t. The dam broke,” Levi barely managed as wave after wave of panic ceaselessly beat against him. He was losing the fight, the will to continue.
Logan nodded at his comment. “Listen. You’re breathing as if you just ran five miles. Slow it down.” Logan grasped Levi’s hand from where his fingers had been digging at his throat. Logan placed Levi’s palm against the center of his own chest. “Focus on my breathing.” Logan exaggerated the movement of his chest. “In…out…slow it down…in…out. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Nothing’s going to hurt you.”
Despite Logan’s coaching, Levi had lost all control of his body, which was now the domain his primal fear. Shortly, he would be evicted from his mind, thrown into the ether.
“Levi, you need to help me here,” Logan said tersely, annoyance edging in. Logan raised a hand to Levi’s cheek and lightly slapped Levi’s face. The slap echoed though Levi’s cheek bone, into his skull and cleared enough of the fog squeezing his brain to direct his attention. He tried to slow his breathing, but he was terrified something awful was happening to him and couldn’t slow it down.
“This isn’t working,” Logan muttered. “I think I’d better wake Da—”
“No!” Levi exclaimed. That thought brought a new wave of fear, one from an actual source. “Don’t…tell…Dad,” he begged breathlessly.
“Okay. Sit.” Logan guided Levi back to sit on the bed. Tenderly, Logan placed his palm on the back of Levi’s neck and pushed his head down. “Put your head between your knees.”
The action took stopped the rush of blood to Levi’s head and the roar faded in his ears.
“You’re okay,” Logan crooned softy as if Levi were a small child. “Remember, nothing can hurt you while I’m here.” Logan’s soothing tones entered Levi’s mind, seeking out the panic as if it were an antidote to Levi’s fear. “You’re strong. You can fight this. Focus on my voice.” Logan reached up and rubbed Levi’s shoulder. “Focus on my touch. We’ve done this before, Levi. You’re the one in control. You’re the one who built the dam. You’re the one who can put the fear back where it belongs.”
Levi’s shallow, rapid breathing slowed. Logan’s voice filled his head, but he doubted his strength to corral the fear threatening him. Levi couldn’t remember the last time the fear had fully escaped its enclosure. Levi shook his head slightly, doubting he could stop this panic attack any time soon.
“Yes, you can, Levi.”
The muscles in Levi’s chest relaxed minutely, and the feeling that he was suffocating receded slightly. A surge of hope came with that small victory, a surprising rise of strength. Logan reached across and placed his hand on Levi’s knee. Levi rested his cheek against the warmth of his skin. The fear and panic waned, their retreat like dark grey smoke slowly being sucked from a room.
“That’s it. You’re winning.” Logan whispered then sighed heavily, continuing to rub Levi’s back.
Breathing was easier and more purposefully. Replacing the terror was an overwhelming fatigue, rushing through every muscle of Levi’s body. The nerve endings in Levi’s arms, hands, legs and feet screamed their discomfort, assaulted with tiny electric shocks from the influx of oxygen from hyperventilating. No matter how hard Levi struggled, the muscles of his hands resisted making a fist, weak and useless.
Patiently waiting beside him, Logan was silent. Replacing Levi’s dread from the unknown fear was the dread of now having to face Logan. Not that Logan hadn’t helped him with his anxiety and panic in the past. His older brother had never questioned Levi’s irrational fears or their origin. He’d never made Levi think he was as crazy as he believed himself to be. He’d never let Levi down. But a nineteen-year-old man shouldn’t be scared to death of nothing. A nineteen-year-old gay man should be more afraid of stepping out of the closet. Unfortunately, Levi’s panic kept him in a very different kind of closet all together. If he ever broke free of his current closet, he’d be stepping into an entirely new one.  
##

Check out the other flashers this week:
Shelly SchulzAndrew Q. GordonGrace Duncan  Jon KeysMA ChurchSarah HayesJim DunawayLily Sawyer JC WallaceTC CollinsCia Nordwell Victoria AdamsTali SpencerJulie Lynn Hayes

Wednesday Briefs #1: The Hollow: Soul Seekers

##Copyright JC Wallace 2014
Each week a group of authors participate weekly in Wednesday Briefs Flash Fiction. Each installment is 500-1000 words long and is posted to our blogs each week. After you read the latest in my story, click on the link at the end to visit other flashers. 
Welcome to the first installment of The Hollow: Soul Seekers #1 . My previous story Diventando: Becoming has been pulled so I can prep it for publication. I will let you know in the future a date of publication. 


#1
Levi Reed paced his bedroom, frantically shaking his hands. Like a caged animal yearning for escape, he wore the same tread across the blue shag rug repeatedly. Waves of fear lashed out, tearing into his mind, forcing his attention. He paused pacing, stopping momentarily to jump up and down, as if the action were enough to shake the icy grip of panic. No such luck and he resumed pacing. The terror threatened to drown him beneath suffocating waves. Since that morning, the menace had been growing from a deep crevice within his mind. At first, it was just a small grain, barely detectable. By midday, that small grain had coalesced into the familiar companion that had accompanied him for his nineteen years of life, which rarely resting.
“Think,” he commanded, the sound of his voice doing little to settle his nerves. The time for tricks of distraction and deception had past. He was well into the throws of this nightmare. Fear, greater than any human should ever know, threatened his sanity. He cursed his ingrained weakness. Too weak for a man.
“You’re safe,” he said aloud, repeating the mantra several times, but the words were a hollow attempt at self-reassurance. “Come on Levi. Cut this shit out.”
Grasping his icy hands together and rubbing, he fought to to formulate a plan. Yes, a plan, he thought, but the adrenalin pumping through his veins forced thoughts to whirl about quickly. Clamping his eyes shut, he bent at the waist until his eyes were level with his knees. The action accentuated the racing beats of his heart, clamped beneath the ever-tightening muscles of his chest. The tighter they squeezed, the faster and harder his heart muscle pumped. Any minute, he imagined his heart would win and shatter his ribs into a million sharp, bony pieces.
Will-power was the only weapon he had against this enemy—sheer determination to keep up his defenses. Achingly, his mind continued to battle the ever-surging breakwaters threatening to overcome their dam. A dam he’d built in mind just to contain the fear, which, if allowed to overcome him, would shred his sanity into tiny reflective bits that would echo who he once was. His psyche had yet to smash but did bore endless, jagged cracks that had weakened its structure. Just a matter of time.
Not now. Not this time! His mind screamed at the unseen adversary.
“Focus! Breathe!”
Steadying himself, Levi gripped his knees with his hands, digging his nails into his skin through his sweatpants, the pain faint and distance. Crushing pain seared his chest as he forced a deep breath into his lungs and held it. “One…two…,” he muttered, fighting to keep the air from escaping prematurely, “three.” With strained control, he steadily allowed the air to escape. Quickly, he drew in another breath and repeated the pattern several times. His attention focused solely on this one last act to stop the panic, but he was interrupted by a noise.
A closing door. Footsteps in the hallway. The thin hollow core door to his room was the only barrier. Levi bolted upright. The walls of the room slanted and tipped. A surge of dizziness threatened to topple him. The footsteps pausing at his door brought reality crashing down. Everyone should be asleep. The distraction was the only pause his panic needed.
With unnerving ferocity, the fear breached his mental dam, forcing itself through fractures within the blockade. Panic pushed the release of adrenalin higher. His heart froze momentarily in his chest as the hormone invaded. Levi gasped and slapped his palm against his sternum. “No!” he cried.  The absence of the familiar thud pushed his fear past the edge of reason. Just as he thought his heart would never beat again, it exploded into beats faster than he could count. Numbness crept into the nerves of his right arm and leg. The sound of rushing blood roared in his ears.
Levi spun around as the door to his room opened. “Please, no,” he managed to utter.
Levi’s brother entered casually, looking down to kick something blocking the door. A blue NY Giants ball cap shielded his eyes from the overhead light. “I saw the light on and knocked but you didn’t…” As Logan raised his head, the last word caught in his throat. “Levi?”  Alarm replaced the relaxed smile on his face. 
Quickly, quietly, he closed the door behind him, his eyes never wavering from Levi. “It’s bad this time?” Part question but mostly a statement.
The twist of fear and panic on Levi’s face was a dead giveaway.
The sight of his brother rushing around the bed towards him, the determination of his stride, the familiar mask of worry on his older brother’s face took any fight Levi had left. Surrender was his only option now. Clawing at his throat, Levi could barely manage to whisper, “I…can’t…breathe!”
The tightening in Levi's chest rose to envelop his windpipe. Air was everywhere but none of the oxygen seemed to reach his screaming lungs.

I’m dying, he rationalized, or worse.
# #
Check out the other flashers below!
TC CollinsMA ChurchChris T. KatSarah HayesShelly SchulzJim DunawayAndrew Q. GordonTali SpencerJon KeysCia's StoriesNephy’s WorldJulie Lynn Hayes