Darren Endymion's Blog, page 16

W = Willy Wonka, A to Z Blog Challenge

Willy Wonka was a delightful lunatic. He was a genius, a fat pusher, a sarcastic jerk, a terrorizer of children, a monument to creativity, and someone that every child wanted to meet.

We are here to discuss the GOOD movie, not the lamentable Johnny Depp vehicle that was foisted on the world in 2005. Johnny Depp is an actor unlike any we have at the moment — relentlessly quirky, undeniably talented, and dedicated to his art. Tim Burton, who directed this version, is a treasure and one of my favorite directors. This time, the collaboration didn’t work for me. At least, not in comparison to the 1971 version.

This terror, like the forceful mating of Satan and Caesar Flickerman, is probably why.

The version we all grew up with starred the incomparable Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka, a man we all thought we could convince that we would be the best heirs to the chocolate empire he built. We all thought we were Charlie Bucket, and I’m sure nobody thought they were that nasty (but wildly entertaining) brat Veruca Salt, the gluttonous Augustus Gloop, the media zombie Mike Teevee, or the rude gum fanatic Violet Beauregard. We all know the story, but let’s skip down that lane, shall we?

Willy Wonka is the best chocolate and candy maker in the world, and he suddenly offers a lifetime supply of chocolate to the five finders of a golden ticket, which he has hidden in five of his chocolate bars throughout the world (yet strangely, only little white kids find them).

V = Valkyrie Profile, A to Z Blog Challenge

Now we finally get to one of my favorite games ever. Sure, there are old favorites like the early Final Fantasy games, Dragon Warrior/Quest, Jeanne d’ Arc (if you have a PSP or a Vita, get it.), Etrian Odyssey (if I’m feeling masochistic), X-men Legends, Disgaea, and on and on. However, one stands above most of these.

There are two versions of the original and two sequels. Nothing beats the original.

Though these pretty cut scenes do add something shiny to the PSP version.

The story involves Norse mythology, specifically that of Ragnarok, the end of the world. Odin and Freya (a kick ass murderer when you get her in your party) summon Lenneth, one of the three sisters of the Valkyrie, sort of mingling the Fates from Greek/Roman mythology. The sisters are Hrist (another bad ass bitch), Lenneth, and Silmeria, each with her own strengths. In this one you hear about Silmeria, see and fight Hrist, and play as Lenneth. Silmeria eventually got her own game, but poor Hrist has been shafted and will likely never get her moment in the spotlight.

You see, the end of the world is coming, called Ragnarok, and the gods, the Aesir, are fighting the Vanir and need some help. That’s where Lenneth comes in. As a Valkyrie, she goes to Earth (Midgard) and collects the souls of dying warriors so that she can train them and send them to Valhalla to help fight for the gods.

This gorgeous art, attributed to “Daisy” on http://www.zerochan.net/673409, shows many of the wonderful characters.

This is where the first game has an emotional advantage over all the other games in the series…and where things can bog down. Lenneth searches for these soon-to-be-lost souls and flies down to collect them…and you witness their deaths. Some are very tragic, some are brief, some are long, and others will actually make you feel something (Yumei the child mermaid always makes me sad).

After this, the newly dead soul joins you, and you fight. You train up your einherjar (warriors) before sending them up to Valhalla. You gain an attachment to them. However, if you send them under leveled and with terrible armor, they will die in Valhalla, where you go between periods and get status updates on the battles (and your characters) from Freya. If they die there, you won’t get them back at the end of the game.

Battle scene. Remember, this is PSone.

One thing to be mentioned here is that this game was released in 1999, and there just weren’t as many strong female protagonists who weren’t Lara Croft or Jill Valentine. In role playing games, most women were sorceresses and kicked ass in their own ways, but were rarely the main protagonists. Lenneth was a warrior, and the main character, and she kicked so much ass that it was insane.

Every character has a weapon specialty and a special attack (almost like a limit break that can potentially be activated several times in a battle, or big and dramatic magic for the sorcerers). Lenneth Valkyie’s attack is called Nibelung Valesti. She would fly up in the middle of battle, spread her wings, materialize a spear, and send it toward her enemy in the shape of a blue phoenix-looking, fiery lance of force.

“Divine assult! Nibelung Valesti!” I need to be able to do this.

Eventually, you can be a good soldier, send all your recruits, go on to fight several epic battles, and get a good ending. However, by being rebellious, by defying Odin’s patriarchal hand, by being a little more flexible, you can get the best ending (and it is the BEST ending). You will almost assuredly never, ever stumble on this ending on your own, so you will have to use a strategy guide or GameFAQs.com. It’s worth the intricate manipulation of the game to get this ending (which is only available during the Normal and Hard settings).

Awesome drawn art within the game. Every character has one.

The game is amazing, a cult classic, and new PSone copies can still go for almost $500. Beat up, old-ass used copies can go for the same price the game commanded when it came out in 1999. I have a very good copy of it, the PSP version, part 2, and the DS game…and I’m never selling. *mad cackle*

If you can get a copy, play this game. If you can’t, try to get one. If you have one…why not bust it out and play a little? *poking you*

Alternate letter considerations: Vixen, vipers, vulture

U = Ursula, A to Z Blog Challenge

This sucks. I wrote out an entire blog entry and went to save it…and my document decided to take a dump on me. I lost the whole thing. It did the auto recovery, but then my computer itself totally crapped out and restarted. This will be nothing like it was, but I assembled some pretty cool pictures, so I’ll try to use them.

I started out saying that Ursula seems to me to be the point where the Disney villains went from evil to evil-lite. We started with Maleficent and the Evil Queen and the Queen of Hearts, gruesome, terrible fairy tale and literature villains. One wished death on an infant for not being invited to a party, another wanted her stepdaughter’s heart cut out and put in a box just because she was prettier, and another was a raving lunatic who beheaded anyone who annoyed her, putting even Henry VIII to shame.

I think a good comparison would be motivations. The Evil Queen and Gothel from Tangled were motivated by the same thing — vanity. Yet think of the differences in villainy. Cut out her heart or put her in a tower? In the original Rapunzel, Gothel banished Rapunzel’s love to the desert after cutting out his eyes with thorns. Rapunzel was also banished and her tears cured the Prince. Sure, Eugene died in Tangled, and that was sad, awful, but it seemed to lack the evil of the early villains, and it shows that Disney watered down the evil of the antagonists.

Ursula seemed to be that tipping point when Disney villains went from evil to comic. Where they did terrible things, but weren’t intrinsically evil. She wanted power and revenge. She actually apologizes to Ariel, saying she wanted something more.

Ursula was banished from Atlantica for…something. Trying to take over the kingdom, eating the entire sea, magicking evil, whatever. She was bad. “Banished and wasted and practically staaaaaarving.”

But she fortunately knows a little magic. This allows her to eke out a living of pointless vengeance and trickery. Her motivations for her dealings with the other merpeople gives a more subtle indication of her evil. She uses her magic to give them what they ask for, but she gets something in return, and if Ariel’s sacrifice is any indication, Ursula’s magic didn’t come cheap. So, she likely gets more than she gives.

This face might be an indication that you were about to be tentacle raped by a sea witch.

Why? It didn’t get her closer to the throne or to being back in Atlantica. What was Ursula’s motivation? Was she just a petty bitch? Possibly, but I prefer to think that she was gathering enough essences and magicks to eventually try to take over or challenge King Triton. And that’s another thing. Did anyone else notice just how many spermy things came out of her castle at the end? Did nobody in the ocean notice? Were there no missing persons report, no police, no army, no loved ones reporting the missing? How did that many disappearances go unpunished or unnoticed? Was King Triton asleep at the helm? Why didn’t he stop his sister?

Oh, didn’t you know? According to the commentary on the Little Mermaid blu-ray, Ursula was supposed to be Triton’s sister. So, if Triton was suddenly gone, Ursula would have had a claim to the throne. Yeah, it should have gone to his descendants, but it has been done before where a dead king’s brother screwed over his nieces and nephews in order to take power, sometimes even killing them or claiming they were bastards using a thin, frail “logic” and bullying others into accepting it. (I’m looking at your scoliosis-having ass, Richard III.)

The resemblance is striking, wouldn’t you say?

Ursula was a subtle evil, she was funny, and she was sexy, too. She was a great villain, and one of the legendary ones. With that body, how could she not be?

Bootylicious.

There have been good, evil villains since then. Gaston was a douchebag xenophobic hunter and a misogynist. He did terrible things, but he wasn’t more than a testosterone fueled, egomaniacal, steroidal ape. Frollo…well, he’s the exception. He was pure, lustful evil in the guise of a saint and a godly man. His song “Hellfire” was actually scary, and one of the darker things Disney has ever done — he was singing about lust and actually says “…she will be mine or she will burn.” He is prepared to burn all of Paris and burn the object of his lust if she doesn’t return his feelings. Everything about the invaders in Pocahontas was evil, but in a more nebulous way.

Ursula was evil and vengeful, and in the end it was her own power and rage that killed her. Had she not created that whirlpool or roiled the sky in her anger, the ship couldn’t have been steered to impale her and she wouldn’t have been hit by her own lightning, thus scaring the hell out of any child in the audience.

And rendering her into charred chum.

Post Entry confession — I have to apologize for this entry (for anyone reading). My heart just isn’t in it after I lost all that first attempt…and it was pretty good, too. I considered trying harder to reconstruct it, but just to post an entry that so few will read and nobody will pay attention to? I had the fun of writing it only to watch it go down in Ursula’s writing tentacles. At least I’ll have the memories, right?

Ursula wants the attention I gave her originally. And some Xanax. And Visine, apparently.

Alternate letter considerations: Uganda, uvula, ugly, utopia

T = Terror Bird, A to Z Blog Challenge

Technically known as Phorusrhacidae or Titanis, “Terror Bird” has a much nicer ring to it. It has a very distinct feel to it, and if that feel is very SyFy channel, well who cares? It got your attention, didn’t it?

As this would, were it chasing after your car as this picture would suggest.

They grew to almost 7 feet tall and lived about 50 million years ago, just as the dinosaurs were dying out (though they are said to be related to the formidable, prodigious Tyrannosaurus Rex) and mammals were dominating the land. Some estimates put them between 3.5 feet tall all the way up to almost 10 feet tall. Based on their build, they were very fast and agile, possessed a sharp beak, and had a powerful neck with which to power said curved beak. However, it probably went after the smaller creatures, as it could not chew, but rather gulped its prey whole or in chunks that it could rip off. Even with this, it is said to have dominated the South American continent, the first time a bird is known to have been an apex predator. Some scientists now think there is a possibility that Terror Bird was a vegetarian, but not all are convinced.

Which is good, because this looks too cool to be a terrorizer of beets and palm fronds.

The beak of the Terror Bird (possibly also known as Satan’s cockatoo) is said to have been its main weapon. It would sprint up to something, rear its head back, and stab the prey with the sharp tip of its beak, stunning and often injuring it beyond repair. It was probably reasonably intelligent and had excellent hearing. It was also very, very fast. Scientists think that it could run up to 45 miles per hour. Thankfully, they had vestigial wings (like its relative the T. Rex’s arms?) and could not fly. We luckily missed out on these ostriches from hell, because they would have certainly been able to kill us without an issue.

I’m assuming this is a tall man and not a Pygmy.

There are several on display, however, so that we can properly appreciate the power and size of the Terror Bird. If you would like more information on the Terror Bird, including some lunatics who built a mechanical one, try to catch Discovery channel’s specials Monsters Resurrected. All of the roughly 45 minute segments are interesting, but the first one on the Terror Bird may be my favorite (relatively cheesy CGI notwithstanding).

For those geeks out there, these things look like meaner versions of chocobos from Final Fantasy, don’t they? Sure, they look cute and cuddly, but if you look at them, they could probably do some serious damage.

Go ahead and snuggle up and ride it while you can. Because after midnight, it’s coming for you. Terror Chocobo!

Alternate letter considerations: Telepathy, time travel, The Tub (an absolutely foul method of torture)

S = Super Heroes, A to Z Blog Challenge

Okay, this I could go on and on about. However, I will stick to my top three favorite powers. Since I am first and foremost an X-men geek, it’s no surprise that the powers I would choose would all be X-men characters. Then again, in that universe there is a woman who has control over her mass and can make herself as fat or at thin as she wants. Not impressive.

I present you with Big Bertha. Yes, that is actually her name.

All that aside, you won’t believe how I actually got into super powers and super heroes. Give up? Stephen King. Yep, he frequently dealt with psychic powers in his early books, and they hooked me in like nothing else. Carrie and Firestarter were the worst (best?) for getting my imagination going, but we also had The Shining and The Dead Zone. Add to that my uncle, who was a geek and collected comics, introduced me to the Marvel Universe through the X-men. Having read Stephen King’s books over and over (especially Carrie and Firestarter), I was ready for those comics.

You would think from that pyrokinesis — the ability to create fires by force of will and mind alone — would be a favorite power of mine because of Firestarter (which had the most awesome early cover which I picked up from the library…they have never made a better cover for that book), but the novel was a cautionary tale. Also, pyrokinesis is only destructive. Sure, you would light a campfire, but other than that you’re pretty much a weapon. In Mercedes Lackey’s novel, Brightly Burning as well as early on in her Arrows series, her characters acknowledge this by saying that one born with this power means that some shit is going to go down and the pyrokinesis is needed. I recently listened to the audio book for Firestarter again, and I just wouldn’t want that power, even with full control over it. Well…if I had to I would take it, but I wouldn’t be held responsible for the crisps I left in my wake.

The best Firestarter cover ever.

What powers would I want? If I had to pick? Well, the list is long. Storm, Blink (my lord…the places I would go…if I had a fourth power to pick…), Poison Ivy, Sandman/Dust, Magneto, and on and on. But I’ve narrowed it down to three.

3) Morphing. Specifically, I would want Mystique’s powers. To turn into anyone, anytime, anywhere? It would be difficult to not be unscrupulous, but I would definitely be hot, let me tell you. And her strength and agility? She’s like the Black Widow with transformation powers. And a healing factor. And she ages slowly. However, I’m not the most physical person, and my aspirations don’t lie in that arena…normally. That’s why she’s number three on my top list.

2) Telepathy. I’m talking about muthafukin Psylocke. Again, we have her ninja powers which are learned rather than inherent, but I’d take them. Before her weirdo transformation, she was a gentle British telepath. Eventually she was body swapped (which I never understood…if mutations are in a person’s DNA, how did she take her mutant powers to her hot new Asian ninja body?) and lives the rest of her days as a ninja telepath. The White Queen and Professor Xavier almost took this spot since they are all telepaths, but Psylocke has something they don’t have — psychic blades. As she is fond of saying, they are the focused totality of her telepathy and their powers can range from killing to unconsciousness and so many other things. She’s also a strong telepath. She can go in your mind and fix things. Or ruin them. I would actually be a good telepath, I think. But I would be something like Andy in Firestarter with The Push. Gently (or not) nudging people into doing what I want them to do. As Andy used his power for good (slimming fat women, saving his daughter, giving confidence to others), I would probably do the same with telepathy. But the psychic blades!

Psylocke before and after ethnic reassignment.

1) Telekinesis. If I had to pick only one power from this list, it would be TK. Always and forever telekinesis. I blame the book Carrie, which I have read more times than I can count, and Jean Grey (of course). I don’t need to be Phoenix or Dark Phoenix. Just strong ass Jean Grey. Or Carrie.

Try to cut me off in the crosswalk? I pick up your car and put at the back of the line. Pointlessly rude and evil? A gentle tumble against the wall or to the floor. Attacking someone? Thrown up against a wall or held in midair until the police come. The power to wreck and destroy are equal to the constructive potential. If you were strong like Jean, moving from one home to another would be a cinch. Flight? Watch me. Embarrass me at prom? You’ll get it…but maybe not like Carrie. Most people I wouldn’t want to kill. Not outright, anyway.

I could do so much with telekinesis. I NEED telekinesis. I would be a super hero…or someone like Catwoman who walks on the line. But I would be good.

Mostly.

Alternate letter considerations: She-Ra, Simpsons, Sydney funnel-web spider, sink holes

R = Redback Spider, A to Z Blog Challenge

These things are terrifying. They are like mutant black widow spiders, but they live in Australia, so they are 9,000 times more poisonous, disturbing, and terrifying than they need to be. They aren’t even an inch long, but they live in untidy webs in warm, sheltered locations. Where are those locations? Human residences.

Tiny evil.

They kill their prey through a horrifying manner (of course), injecting venom then wrapping the prey…to suck out its liquefied insides. This bears repeating. The venom liquefies its victims’ insides and then sucks them out.

You would think that it only attacks small bugs, right?

Wrong.

The venom in a human starts with pain around the bite site which becomes agonizing and travels and lingers for 24 hours. You sweat, get nauseated, vomit, get headaches, and agitation (likely from being bitten by Satan’s Arachnid). Fortunately, since these are the most common spider bites in Australia, there has been an anti-venom since 1956, and there have been no more reported deaths since then. BORING!

First aid time.

This, of course, means that I cannot really use them in my plots for world domination or evil, evil revenge. I suppose I could just scour more of Australia to find something terrible. *sigh*

Incidentally, just to freak you out, the females eat their mates like the black widows, and they have about 250 babies at once. Hopefully someone comes and kills the egg sac with fire, holy water, and the warrior spirit of Joan of Arc.

Alternate letter considerations: The rack, rat torture, revenant

Q = Quicksand, A to Z Blog Challenge

First and foremost, my individual story is now up for sale, should anyone be interested. Here are the two links:

Torquere: http://www.torquerebooks.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=79_93&products_id=4470

Amazon: http://www.torquerebooks.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=79_93&products_id=4470

So, moving on to quicksand. I would like to know how many people out there are still pretending you do not have a list of jerks you would like to see nipple deep in quicksand. (Those people are lying, I assure you.) I’m all about being sane and wishing everyone well, and hoping that the world is happy. That’s great, but it’s not reality, and that’s why the gods gave us quicksand, karma, and cyanide.

*shove*

Where was I?

Oh, yes, using nature to smite the wicked and immature. Since I’m not Storm from the X-men, I can only hope for a fissure to open and quicksand to aid karma. However, quicksand is very dangerous, but it’s not the 20 second killer we were lead to believe as kids (which changes my evil nature plans from karmic destruction of the wicked to merely making their shoes dirty).

Quicksand is caused by water and sand in which the water cannot escape. Unfortunately for my evil machinations, objects sink only so much, so a human would typically step in and maybe sink to waist deep. Of course, one could hope that he or she was alone and would thereby starve or at least get a really bad sunburn, because it’s apparently quite difficult to get out of quicksand.

Science stuff.

Still, quicksand is dangerous, but not as dangerous as one would like when plotting terrible, terrible revenge upon those deserving. Perhaps different methods. Like the picture below, where someone seems to have hidden the Eye of Sauron in quicksand.

Surprise, bitches! Give me the Ring!

Alternate letter considerations: Quarantine, Quaker, quagmire, quetzal

P = Pimping, A to Z Blog Challenge

Today is the release day of the new anthology I am part of, Mythologically Torqued volume 2, specifically the story Threads of Discord. Therefore, at the suggestion of my very dear friend, I am pimping myself out and promoting myself. (This date landing on the P day for this exercise is totally coincidental, but I’d like to give my subconscious credit, however much of a lie it would be).

I don’t see that the individual stories have been uploaded, so I may have to inquire, but in the meantime, here are two links for buying the entire anthology:

Torquere’s web site:

http://www.torquerebooks.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=200&products_id=4452

And Amazon.com.

http://www.amazon.com/Mythologically-Torqued-Volume-II-Tortuga-ebook/dp/B013V0CG7U/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top?ie=UTF8

There are others out there, and surely any you prefer will have it available, so feel free to go for it. The anthology is full of male on male and female on female stories, many erotic, many very good. I did mine on Greek mythology and mixed in the current day. Others did different legends.

It looks like mine is around the center and the longest beast they have in there. The owner of the publisher and my editor gave me leeway to continue, and it was almost its own release, but we decided to scale it back and include it in the anthology. I like that thought, honestly, and encourage people to check it out.

Here is the two line blurb meant to get you interested enough to click further:

At a crossroads of destiny, Riley must choose between two potential loves. As he sets to make his choice the gods intervene, and their battle will shake both Olympus and Earth.

And here is the full marketing blurb:

The Fates discover a Thread of Life whose choice in romance will shape his future as well as the potential future of mankind. Consulting Athena, the Fates are joined by several other gods, and a battle for candidates ensues, alternatingly peaceful, devious, and vicious. Meanwhile on Earth, Riley is unsure of his growing attachment to the hunky surfer Dylan when the enigmatic and gorgeous Evo comes into his life. He casually dates both men, his internal tension mounting, until the battle of gods and human desire explodes in a climax whose outcome could mean everything.

And here is an excerpt:

All the gods gasped as Eros’ golden arrow of love was rendered in two.

Ares’ great sword glowed red with the flames of war and chaos. Eros’ arrow burned with these flames and fell into the Pool, dissolving into nothing.

Athena whirled, her shield in her hand, and struck Ares in the face with it. There was a great clanging as Ares flew back, striking the marble lip of a nearby planter. He rebounded, landing on his feet, his lip bleeding. He was laughing.

“How dare you?” Athena said, her sword in her hand. “It is not our place to interfere…”

“Nice hit, sister,” Ares said. “But I beg to differ with you — it is our place. Is that not why we are here?”

“It is why I am here,” she said, her body pulsing with controlled wrath. The owl Nycti appeared and flapped to her shoulder, ready for battle. “It is why the Fates are here. It is NOT why you are here.”

“Apollo mentioned that Riley is one of his,” Ares said, walking forward. He pointed his flaming sword at the Pool. It showed Dylan, the tall, handsome, blond male who had been involved with Riley in the past. “Dylan is one of mine. And I will fight for him, sister.”

“We are not measuring the situation properly,” Lachesis said, stepping forward. “This is for the good of the Web of Life. This is to shape Riley into the best that he can be. This is not about who we favor.”

“I like the strong one,” Aphrodite said, smiling. She frowned at Eros. “And who told you to shoot that arrow?”

Eros bowed. “It is not for either of us to decide. The arrows tell me. The Universe tells me.”

“I’m with Aphrodite,” Artemis said, shocking them all.

Apollo looked at his sister in disgust. “Since when do you like strong men? Or men at all?”

Artemis scowled at him and tossed the forgotten apple at his head. Apollo caught it in his mouth, took a bite, and raised his eyebrows at her.

 

Enjoy everyone! I hope you like it enough to get the anthology!

Alternate letter considerations: Pluto (the original intended subject), Pokemon, Pern

O = Octopus (Blue-Ringed), A to Z Blog Challenge

Ack! Tomorrow I will be making two entries: one for the A-Z thing — which I’m really enjoying, even if nobody else cares — and another about my new short story, Threads of Discord, which comes out as part of the Mythologically Torqued vol. 2 anthology. My story will be available within the anthology as well as separately. I’ll have more then.

Also, tonight I made an abrupt about face with my blog decision. I always planned to do octopuses (don’t let anyone tell you that “octopi” is proper. It’s one of those things that is so overused that it has become part of the language, despite no etymological basis) but the sheer amount of data is overwhelming. I have researched them quite a bit as part of a shelved story idea and a more recent and active one, and they are fascinating, wonderful, crafty, incredibly intelligent animals.

They use tools, and that alone speaks to their intelligence. Few creatures, and fewer non-mammals, do this. They form attachments, showing obvious affection for certain handlers (caressing and swimming to them) while disliking others (throwing things, inking, scuttling away). Octopuses are the ninjas of the sea, and when you think of them in that context, they gain infinite awesomeness and sea-cred. They can fit almost anywhere, they are sneaky, they can run on land, they change color at will to blend in for cover or predation, and the list goes on. Basically, if Ursula the Sea Witch wasn’t so fat and lazy, she would have been an amazing, deadly magic-ninja.

This octopus is one of many who have been discovered using coconut shells for concealment and protection.

Octopuses are tragic parents, though. A mother will look after her eggs, starving herself literally to death to look after them. The males almost invariably die a few months after mating. For octopuses, the abstinence plan is really something they should look into.

However, there is one octopus species that especially fascinates me — the blue-ringed octopus. All octopuses are poisonous, though most are only mildly so (See?! Ninjas of the sea!) Not the blue-ringed octopus. This kid is lethal.

Pretty, but it will kill you.

The blue-ringed octopus is one of the world’s most venomous marine animals. They are only 5-8 inches and pretty easy going, but should never be bothered or handled, as there is some evidence that trace amounts of venom can penetrate through mere contact with the octopus.

Like this dumbass is doing.

When they are pissed off, threatened, or agitated, their coloring gets darker and their blue rings become iridescent. At that point, you should shoot out of the water, levitate above it, and hover-sprint to dry land. One blue-ringed octopus carries enough venom to kill about 25 adult humans. Remember the ninja thing I’ve been talking about? Their bites are small and often painless, with the victim often not even realizing he/she had been bitten until respiratory depression and paralysis set in. There can also be nausea, heart failure, blindness, and paralysis. Some victims have reported being unable to move or respond but being aware. The main component of their toxin, tetrodotoxin, is 1,200 more toxic than cyanide.

When they put up signs, it’s no freakin’ joke.

There is no anti-venom. First aid and artificial respiration are the best bets, since the venom kills mostly through paralysis. Since the victim may not be able to respond, and will sometimes appear clinically dead (dilated and fixed pupils). Artificial breathing for the victim is essential until the paralysis wears off and he/she can breathe alone.

It might be mentioned that (according to M.W. Cheng and R.L. Caldwell) they will “attempt copulation…regardless of sex or size” thus making them venomous, bisexual, sea-ninjas. Look out. Seriously. And where are they located usually? Primarily New South Wales and (where else) Australia!

Alternate letter considerations: Orcas, opera, oracles, opiate abuse

N = Narnia, A to Z Blog Challenge

First of all, I have been completely remiss with my self-promotion lately. I’ve never been very good with that, honestly.

However, I have a new short story coming out this Wednesday (August 19th) under Torquere, under the Mythologically Torqued volume 2 anthology. My story, Threads of Discord, (likely the longest in the anthology) will be on sale separately as well as with the full anthology. Also, since the anthology hit the prerequisite word count, the entire anthology will be going to print (which is a pretty big deal for this publisher). I will likely do a separate entry on Wednesday when you can get it, should you be so inclined, but you can also preorder the thing now.

By way of a terrible segue, I will mention that as a young gay male (who writes non-erotic gay fiction currently), reading the Chronicles of Narnia, with their religious allegory and overt symbolism, actually tore me up. I loved them unequivocally when young, but as I pulled away from the dogma instilled into me as early as the ovum stage of growth, I started to reject what was very good fantasy indeed. I’m pretty much over all that angsty religious crap now, and can appreciate them for what they are — fantasy and good for all that. My tastes have aged and I’m more inclined to enjoy the Chronicles of Prydain for a kid’s/YA reread, but I can’t deny the colossal impact Narnia had on me as a young imaginer of stories and later while I struggle to take on the dubious mantle of writer.

Fantasy is my preferred genre, I think, and as I get older I can read the classics of fantasy to the dregs of imagination to the punny (I’m looking right at Xanth, Mr. Piers Anthony), but one thing sticks out is the creatures. Dryads and gorgons and hipogriffs and griffins and chimera…how do they live in these worlds? How do they interact with man? Or eat them? What of those with human intelligence? How are their societies?  What would they be like in battle?

And that harkens back to my early days in Narnia as well as in Xanth (especially Castle Roogna and Night Mare), and not a little with my days playing Dragon Quest and Final Fantasy. I always wanted to create a world with these fantasy creatures, well used and well loved, but make them unique, to explore their psyche, to have a dryad or mermaid come to the human tavern or visit the local market. And I plan to. Am, in fact, in my new writing stuff.

And I owe this to Narnia. That’s where this all started. I wanted to check out every closet I came to. When I was very young, I was very naïve and very wrapped up in my books, and I believed that I could potentially get to Narnia through my closet. When I got older, I bundled up that truth and that hope and protected it, stored it away in my mind, nurtured it. It became a wild imagination and it still hits me sometimes.

I was on a walk with a friend this past weekend and there was a random, torn off door propped against a brick wall. Do you know that every bit of my mind screamed at me to try to go through it? It was such a child-like urge, straight out of that part of my mind that still believes I can get to Narnia or Oz or Xanth or Prydain or Hogwarts by stepping too far into my closet. Or turning the right corner. Or going over a small bridge over a tinkling brook or stream.

Or looking behind a random, ugly, old door propped for no discernible reason against a brick wall. Carelessly discarded junk, or a missed ticket to Narnia? Unfortunately, I’ll never know. Or fortunately? Either way, that not knowing keeps that part of my imagination alive, helps it believe that anything is possible. And that allows me to believe in almost anything. Even Narnia.

Alternate letter considerations: Neck torture, nudity in media (male, duh…and it’s lack thereof), Nox