Sara Dobie Bauer's Blog, page 5
June 26, 2018
The Chicken Incident, Ohio, or why raccoons are evil
At 2 AM last night, I woke to the sound of chickens screaming. I’m pretty sure my husband could sleep through an atomic bomb, so of course, he heard nothing. Because I apparently have not seen enough horror movies, I ran outside in my pajamas (no bra) with a flashlight, deserving to be killed by Leatherface.
As I neared our chicken coop, I at first saw nothing out of the ordinary. Then, I got closer. I saw what appeared to be a bloody stump of a chicken leg hanging halfway out the closed doo...
May 22, 2018
Dear Mr. Chalamet: When I was 22 …
I wasn’t going to say anything, but … I’ve been cheating on Benedict Cumberbatch with a 22-year-old since January. THE SHAME! And, seriously, I wasn’t going to say anything, but there’s been an abundance of irrationality surrounding said 22-year-old recently, and I can’t keep my mouth shut.
If you’ve seen Call Me By Your Name (or paid attention at all to the previous award season), you know the name Timothee Chalamet. No? Well, here he is:
He’s freaking beautiful, okay? And intelligent and e...
May 10, 2018
Am I a slut?
One of my favorite Sex and the City episodes is “Are We Sluts?” In it, heroine Carrie Bradshaw (and her three crazy friends) come to question their own sexual prowess based on strange bedfellows, a burglary, and an STD. I’m not getting into the details here, because you should really just watch the episode. It’s fabulous. I’m more addressing this question to myself: am I a slut?
Now, I realize that sounds sort of crazy. One, I’m married, so if anything, I’m a monogamous slut—which, in my opi...
May 2, 2018
I watch horror movies when I’m sad
There’s something so soothing about cannibalism. While recently watching the brilliant French film Raw, I totally spaced out on bloody images of a nice girl chewing on human flesh. With the addition of a well-mixed Cosmopolitan (it’s not a during-dinner movie), I put my kicks up and relaxed. Something I’ve done very little of lately.
As a writer, we all have bad days. I’ve had a bad month. Granted, I have so far spent much of 2018 creating. By end of March, I was burnt out. I thought going t...
April 28, 2018
The Unexpected Infatuation: Sexy short story out today!
Obsessed with this gorgeous cover by Rue Volley.
He caught my gaze. “Do you realize how much you watch me?”
I frowned. “Of course I watch you. You’re handling what you call national treasures.”
He blinked his large, dark eyes and continued to work without further comment until he discovered a book he must have considered of particular import, because he shouted with excitement and ran to me. Papers ruffled as he threw a dusty tome on my desk, but instead of recounting its prominence, he leane...
April 16, 2018
Bite Somebody is FREE!!
Thanks to the magic of Instafreebie, you can read the first eleven chapters of my bestselling vampire rom-com for free starting right now! (Let’s face it; you didn’t actually want to work today, did you?)
About Bite Somebody:“Do you want to be perfect?”
That’s what Danny asked Celia the night he turned her into a vampire. Three months have passed since, and immortality didn’t transform her into the glamorous, sexy vamp she was expecting but left her awkward, lonely, and working at a Florida...
April 11, 2018
The Naked Photo Shoot
It’s not what you think … Back in January, I visited family out in Tucson, Arizona. My brother and I hit up the gay bar, and I got a little wild (as one is wont to do at the gay bar). In the hungover morning, I posted a silly selfie wrapped in a sheet. Photographer Bill Thornhill, who’s obviously quite mad, messaged me immediately and said, “I want to shoot you like THAT.”
What he meant was: shoot me with almost no makeup, no hairstyling, and pretty much just out of bed at my house. Consideri...
April 3, 2018
Saying goodbye: The end of Enchanted
“I should have told you about the paintings,” Cyan said. “Earlier.”
Liam chuckled and shook his head. “No. I think working up to that was probably a good idea. It’s kind of offputting when a girl you don’t know has, like, fifty paintings of your face.”
“Do you feel like you know me now?”
“Of course I know you. I might need therapy for the rest of my life because of it, but I know you.”
Cyan sipped her tea and held tightly to the small cup as if it might protect her. “Do you think you could e...
March 14, 2018
Am I on fire or just burning out?
Photo by Chris Loomis.
Best friend, writer, and editor Trysh Thompson has been warning me for months about “burnout.” When a creative person creates too much, we crash.
Over the past three months, I wrote the final 30K word segment of the Escape Trilogy. I wrote the Bite Somebody screenplay. I wrote a 10K word Sherlock fan fiction. I have so far celebrated the release of parts one and two of the Enchanted Series in January and February (the third coming in April). And as of Friday, I rewrote...
March 2, 2018
I don’t usually tell sad stories, but …
Watching my grandparents grow older, grow sicker, and eventually die is that hardest thing I’ve ever done. The memory of their loss haunts me to this day. One night, I was lucky enough to have them visit my dreams. Well, I thought I was lucky.
The dream became a nightmare in which I had to watch them die all over again, trapped inside “the old homestead” where I spent every childhood Christmas and which now belongs to a whole other family. (I can’t even drive by the house in my hometown with...
