Corey Aaron Burkes's Blog, page 3

Thinking Back: Only One Regret

I’m sitting here needing to write four scripts in record time for ‘Self-Rising Flower‘ — plus storytelling for the ‘Rachel’s Journal‘ work that promotes ‘Social Challenge‘ and I’m more-or-less breezing through it after setting up my usual blueprints and story patterns. Doing all of this with an effortless amount of speed that some average writers probably wish they could. This without ChatGPT or any other handicap tools. Just from years upon years of practice and routine writing kung fu that can’t be taught. Story development, for me, is easy for me.

Then I look at the camera shots I committed to in ‘Predawn‘ and ‘The Social Challenge‘ and cringe every single day. Story is fine but the execution of what I wanted cinematographically needs to be much better on each. I should have storyboarded better. On and on and on. The usual self-critical things.

But you know why both storytelling and cinematography are out of sync?

Because I did not commit to ‘filmmaking’ — actually behind a camera — over the years as much as I have been behind a pen and paper.

It’s my fault. Listened to too many people in an era where options on filmmaking equipment was either too expensive or of poor quality. Listening to too many people who said “You can’t shoot a film on Super 8, VHS, or webcam, or whatever was the cheap medium of the time between late 80’s and late 90’s.”

I should have shut them out of my head, told them all to kiss my ass, and practiced with the same dedication I did behind a piece of paper.

Now, you can shoot a film on an iPhone and get selected at festivals.

It’s not too late for me. At fifty-five years old, I have a classically trained skill that Hollywood is starving for apparently: something original.

I just need more behind the camera time.

And I’ve got an idea to get it. Me and my two cameras in my possession.

And no. It has nothing to do with working with anyone else. This is a private skill/vision quest. Fucking didn’t need anyone else to figure out how to write a paragraph, that’s for damn sure.

First, I hope whomever is reading this is encouraged that it’s not about ‘winning or being part of the industry’. This is all about sharpening and training a skillset you’ll need to achieve any of your goals.  For me, Predawn and Social Challenge could have been shot better. I cannot accept them as the ‘done’ of my talents. I’m got to raise the bar higher than what I did. I should have shot more film regularly over the years.

That’s the thing. If you are distracted over the years from practicing those skills to be better, it’s your own fault for letting those distractions get to you.

Once you recognize you’ve been distracted — and that could be anything from getting into relationships instead of focusing on your craft to being an alcoholic to just being a lazy bastard that would rather play video games instead of creating or listening to assholes tell you what you can’t do — you’re ready to make changes and that’s a good thing.

Never too late.

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Reminder

I really love MidJourney. Why the HELL would I pay for stock pictures every again? Just for a quick blog post? GTFOH.

The prompt I used to create this feature photo: ‘A tall man, cold in the snow. The weather is bad. We see the rear of this man looking up at a movie theater with the words “PREDAWN” in the marquee. Snow is piling up in the streets –v 6.0 –style raw –s 250

January was an exciting month of a string of selections and a few wins that I couldn’t believe.

Followed sharply by a few back to back ‘not selected‘ and losses that brought the whole system back to reality.

The Atlanta Film Festival was a little more devastating to me than expected. I’m like, ‘dang’…my own hometown? Really?

Fortunately, I stuck by and stand by ‘every festival is our first’ frame of mind and I have been grateful for every selection. Every win.

Along the way, I started a new chain of thinking that I don’t believe was very healthy: ‘maybe if I did something different’. ‘What do I have to do to get accepted to XYZ festival next year’. That sort of processing.

Thinking like this ruins and steps on the original value of what ‘is’ — the talents involved, the time and efforts that was already contributed.

You might not agree with this, but in my opinion, this creative film work isn’t a sport or a competition. I don’t have to go back to the coach and train differently to make sure I get to the Super Bowl. But I totally understand that’s how a lot of people in the industry can get caught in that. Suddenly, you start developing stories exclusively to just get the attention of a festival and win awards. You don’t think I started tweaking future stories to match ‘what Sundance’ wants to see? Tooling around with storytelling just to gratify a select subsection of people so they can say ‘yes’.

Don’t get me wrong. Being someone that never wins things, to see ‘winner’ against something I produced stirs feels I never felt before.

But what kind of asshole would I be to say ‘I should have done this or that better in order to get an award’ when Wynter J. Davis (first time actress), Madison Geiger, Izzy Miller and the whole cast and crew gave me their all. That would be insulting their work and I couldn’t ask for a better grouping of cast and crew. I cannot. Predawn is done and that says more than a lot of people who are still trying to get a film off the ground.

In prior years, not winning things had me in a unique position of creating for the purity of it all. If you’re not a winner of things, you only develop, create and produce for advancement of the story itself. Instead of developing to entice the one or two gatekeepers, I’ve consistently created original material.

Consistently. Un-bent by focus groups.

The downside: people don’t get it today. But they will tomorrow. Do you even understand how many concepts I’ve developed years ago that found it’s way to be told today? Such is life.

That tomorrow sometimes irks me when I have bills to pay today.

But I needed a reminder why I’m doing this: for my kids.

Cause when I’m gone — what’s left is the stuff I produced for their tomorrow.

So the festivals are a tool for me today. I said it before. I’ll say it again: getting selected is the win! Gives me the chance to be seen/heard/etc.

I’ll be at the Maryland Black Film Festival March…. Queens Film Festival in April. Letting everyone know about Predawn, Self-Rising Flower and The Social Challenge.

Just keep telling interesting stories for the sake of the art itself and staying focused.

Create, wash, rinse, repeat.

Loss is an excellent reminder.

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[Predawn] “What’s Going on at DesktopEpics Lately?”

A lot is going on. Most of it hard to keep up. These are the things I am clearly aware of…

Every festival is our first!On that, we are always on thankful and grateful for every opportunity. We are keenly aware these great festivals could have rejected us.Personally, I have more years of understanding rejection than I do being accepted — these days are unusual for me.

Winning “Best Trailer” at the New York Tri-State International Film Festival also marked a turning point. Never a person who played sports or did exceptionally well in school, I have zero awards and trophies in my closet or on my shelves. But today, for the one thing I have a passion for (storytelling), after fifty-five years of life, I have my very first award.

I popped open a bottle of Sprite that I have been saving for this day to celebrate (I don’t drink anything harder). Unfortunately, I don’t recommend saving and drinking old bottles of Sprite since 1977.  Currently on way to the hospital to get my stomach pumped. But please…continue the celebration! Reach out to the cast and crew and congratulate them!

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DesktopEpics 2024 – “Get On Your Mark …”

2023 was an exciting year and very educational. Very — very — educational.

Somehow, we got away with shooting two films, publish a paperback related to one of those films and started pre-production for an 8-part audio drama next summer. Along the way, I’ve come across really great people. Really not so great people and learned I set the tone day one no matter what I’m doing.

Everything we did in 2023 set us up for back to back recognition throughout 2024 and then some. I mean, I set the goals like I usually do. I have loads of goals. Not that any of them usually come to fruition.

But Predawn is, actually causing me to take a step back and say… “Huh? What?”

We have been honored by being accepted to the Maryland Black Film Festival and the New York Tri-State Film Festival. We were also selected for the Queens Underground International Film Festival but that official laurel hasn’t been sent yet. Three Film Festivals. I’m speechless about it and still not properly wrapping my head around being accepted anywhere. That sort of thing, until recently, doesn’t commonly happen in my world space. I have no trophies. Never won anything in my life. Well, maybe a couple of bucks at the casino here and there.

Now, I’m focused on ‘what to do when we get to a festival’. How do we support the film and the festival in equal harmony. How do we do things I’ve only read about in articles about OTHER people’s films. These are exciting times.

The Social Challenge is in the can, as they say. I’ve been editing slowly because of multitasking the DesktopEpics Slate, lol. The little bit I have looks great and I can’t wait to get that into the festival circuit. Ideally, I want a rough draft finished before we start recording Self-Rising Flower.

What I’m trying to do next is make sure everything we do in 2024 is promoted along the way in a handshaking manner. About the only thing scheduled to be produced in 2024 will be “Self-Rising Flower” and since there is a Patreon/Sponsorship end to it, much of the first six months is promoting toward some goals. In itself, the story is incredibly heartwarming and, if I say so myself, inspiring. It’s wrapped with an outer layer of documentary-style tales of real small business eateries and their stories to rise above adversity.

It brings me back to my ‘audio theater’ roots but differently. Audio dramas are still trying to push just science fiction and fantasy as if its the ONLY way to tell an audio story; forgetting the rich history of the original soap operas. Soap operas are still huge on TV. Telenovelas are big internationally on TV. People still like dramas and, in the bigger scheme of things, this is easy to do. Plus, the world of podcasting has an infrastructure that better supports my ideas than when I first started out: just a website and a link to listen.

A few friends asked what would be the next ‘film’ project. I think I got the process down excellently. I’m no longer fearful of ‘how am I going to pull a film off’. The execution of producing a film is encoded deeply into my psyche. Maybe my methods can be considered ‘too focused’. But I have two films —- you can’t tell me shit (smile).

After the audio drama, if the money and availability is right, it will definitely be an anthology of short stories to make one large feature film. When I sat back thinking about it last year, I had enough short film concepts to put them together for a good show. That’s the only other film(s) I see DesktopEpics working on after summer 2024.

But anything could happen. Plenty of other film festivals coming up. DesktopEpics is suddenly, slowly, becoming a part of some sort of conversation out there.

The directive has not changed: Keep telling stories you can feel.

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[Predawn] Official Selection | Maryland Black Film Festival

OFFICIAL SELECTION – Maryland Black Film Festival

Our first film festival. Officially selected for the March 2024 Maryland Black Film Festival. I am deeply honored.

For me personally, it’s accomplishment that can’t be expressed without writing a long book of emotions so I’ll just say “I’m grateful beyond words.”

2024 already looks brighter than a thousand suns.

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A Good Year: The Sum of 2023

The Short Read (for the lazy bastard)

I’m merrily, joyously broke and in debt. But the investment in ME is about to pay off.

I’ll have TWO films in the can before the end of 2023.

My leadership and project executional skills are proven solid – TWICE

Vet and weed out people that waste your time early.

The Actual Read (for the person who wants wisdom)

This was a good year.

Looking back, I have to compress both 2022 and 2023 together because everything started over a year ago to setup the stage I’m standing on today: Predawn finished (with a little bit of editing to do) and the absurd decision to do a second film, The Social Challenge, about to shoot another weekend. I say it’s absurd and a touch crazy because, quite frankly, I didn’t even pay off the last one yet, I totally disrupted my and my family’s life getting Predawn finished and here we are doing another one with a little bit more disruption. And the number one reason it’s crazy to do another film so soon is because I don’t even know how the first one is going to do in film festivals. I could be setting myself up for not just one, but TWO disappointments.

Festival Entries as of November 11th 2023

I don’t truly believe that last part: I strongly believe Predawn is going to have it’s place somewhere. I’m speaking as unbiased as possible. If you know anything about me, my self-confidence has never been on the top charts and I’m extremely critical of my own work. However, when I take a step back and review Predawn at every generation closer to the finished product, It feels like something I did not work on, if that makes any sense. Like someone else produced this and I’m looking at it and saying, “Nice job. For your first film, pretty cool.”

It’s that unspoken inner confidence, to just be sure I know what I’m doing, and then just plan to do it, that led me to wake up one day and say, “You know what? I have to do another film. Like, ‘now!'” Well, a few things triggered it: other people’s botched projects, the taste of successfully executional blood and my day job.

Other People’s Projects

I’m not even close to Hollywood yet, and the moment Predawn was finished, I was asked, invited, presented and conferenced in on multiple film projects by other people. Now I see how people just end up working constantly bouncing from one project to the next. Depending on your success rate, you become this ‘gravity well’ and people and projects suddenly shift into your orbit like a huge planet just appearing. Then you start saying ‘yes’ because, well, you need the money and you feel if you pulled one rabbit out the hat, you most definitely can pull another one.

But it’s really the money part. I would just love to pay down the debt on Predawn right about now.

So, you get involved with other people’s projects to help them get off the ground or create some sort of organizational structure that was successful for yourself and you end up dealing with straight fucking idiots.

Let me repeat, and I’m not ever walking this line back, or editing it: Straight. Fucking. Idiots.

Look people, I’ve said in the first blog post here: my biggest problem in the past was execution issues. I would start a project all day long, but the process of getting it done to finish was always my problem. I have a history of dead unfinished projects. I get it. I understand it. I lived it. So, you’re saying right now: “Well, Corey Aaron Burkes. If you understand that, you should show mercy on the other fools that can’t get their shit off the ground.”

I did! I provide advice, multi-step reports and fixes. Develop a plan to get them straight and, essentially, I get ‘Fuck you, Corey. I’m doing it my way.’

Have I ever told anyone in my past, and not in these exact words, ‘fuck you, I’m doing it my way.’? Of course! I was the quintessential asshole in my time. My way or the highway.

The difference now is: ‘The RIGHT way that WON’T WASTE OUR TIME or the highway.”

Repeat that to yourself again and realize there’s a supreme difference between ‘MY WAY’ and ‘RIGHT WAY THAT WON’T WASTE TIME’. Notice I didn’t even just say ‘RIGHT WAY’. There are a billion ‘right ways’ based on perspective, timing and a host of other realities. However, I’ve come to understand, when it comes to managing groups of people, there is only a ‘right way to do things that won’t waste time’ to get a job done and finished.

I’ve discovered this is my martial art. My Kung Fu is exact and, like any new master coming across his new martial art, I had to step away from the other schools I’m defeating and open another dojo (The Social Challenge) to prove my technique is like water (lol). We shoot next Saturday and Sunday.

Successful Executional Blood

With one film in the can, there was this overwhelming feeling that there was more filmmaking skills I had to sharpen. Not so much ‘more I had to say’, because as a storyteller since birth, there are a lot of cheaper ways to tell a story then trying to get a bunch of folks together to shoot a film. Remember, Orson Wells ‘Terribly expensive paint box’ quote.

I suppose this goes back to my ‘martial arts’ analogy. I needed to perfect a bunch of things. I wanted tighter shots. Be able to create various senses of feelings. I wanted to do a few things I don’t think I captured in Predawn and sitting around saying to myself ‘I wish I did this and did that’ wasn’t cutting it. It’s like masturbation. It was fun to get the initial edge off, but you really need to get into some pussy to perfect the skills otherwise you’re just jerking off.

Right? Wasn’t that deep?

With the first film finished, I recently turned 55 years old, tomorrow isn’t promised. I know what the fuck I’m doing to get a project off the ground.

Why the fuck not? And here we are.

My Day Job

I’ve been at a lot of jobs in my lifetime. This one has to be the best of them all.

Pays great. Great benefits and flexibility. As any human being, I can always use more money like the greedy ungrateful bastard I can be, but honestly, almost everyday I say I am eternally appreciative that I’m here and able to cover life’s expenses and work with really good people. You can tell I recently turned ‘adult’. My usual ‘fuck the day job’ routine is long gone. I think it had to do with finding the right day-survival job.

If I were to silent any film aspirations, I could see myself at this job with the bulk of the folks pulling 30-40 year stints. Some guys are still working here well into their 80’s. I know! Crazy!

So, right after Predawn, I was trying to find ways to get more money to pay shit off and I looked to my job for different positions and such. Long story short, I had to fill out new applications and prepare a new resume and on and on and on and on … while I am sitting on a film I just finished and was editing and that old itch of ‘The fuck you’re doing? Going back down that rabbit hole of needing a day job to be happy? You fucking idiot! You just finished your first film and it’s actually good! Get back in that ring and win!‘

Obviously I didn’t quit, and I’ll be the first to tell you that your day job should be looked at as your prime financier to your projects. But, for the time being, I felt doing more than I am currently doing at the day job would interfere with focusing a little more on the potential of having a growing film career. I was even considering looking into a second job, but if I did that, I would not be able to shoot The Social Challenge. I’d be too tired to do anything else (remember, I’m ’55’). Not getting any younger, I felt ‘fuck it’, let me get this out of my system now before I’m too old to do another one. I can be a supervisor at the day job and do all the time consuming non-film projects they need next year.

As a matter of fact, I did look into working on film projects for the day job as well. But the problem is I started feeling like I was back in high school and just part of the A/V Squad. Roll in a monitor and press play on the VCR. Still got to do your regular job, though.

No. I want my own. Under conditions I control.

This year. 2023. Proved I can make it happen.

How to Succeed – an ultra brief summary

For me, this has been a banner year: my family is in great health. No major issues. No major drama. I’m employed. Two films done by December 1st PLUS, surprise surprise, a finished novel! I’m considering this the best year of my life, even though I’m like the government and had to raise my debt ceiling to just about lunar level. Fuck it. It was worth it.

That’s my definition of success, for me. Something I can say looking backwards. During the middle of it, I was a worrying wreck. I wasn’t 100% confident things were going to pull off until they did. I just spent a lot of time through the year trusting that voice in my head that kept saying ‘keep moving forward’, a whole lot of prayer asking for guidance and blessings and hindsight allows me to see everything worked out. So, me being a man of patterns, I just plan to repeat all the steps for the rest of my life!

The thing to consider is: life is prescribed just for you. Like medicine, you cannot take my prescription and hope to get the same results. Tylenol that works for me could have no affect on you … maybe even kill you. This is the most important thing you MUST understand before you put value in anything I say, or that ‘How to make millions selling teddy bears’ book and follow ‘easy steps’ by some guy pictured on a yacht trying to sell you his ‘how to succeed in life’ process.

From the moment you are born to the day you die, the life you have is yours and it’s weaved specifically to you. My interactions with people and yours are two different galaxies, so I need to do things and say things that works in harmony with how my universe operates. For instance, I am NOT a social person. I can portray and fake a gregarious person within a small gathering — but I’ll tell you right now, I’d rather always be at home playing video games with my children, writing a story and getting laid often and well. Drinking, partying, going from club to club was never my thing.

Networking and meeting people is and never will be my thing. In your head, you’re saying ‘You’ll never have children, therefore never gotten laid, if you don’t go out and meet people.’ But here I am married with children. I worked my way of life over the years where I still got what I wanted without compromising who I was. There is no “You have to be this way” or “That way” … there is just the question: ‘What is YOUR way and how do you get similar results of others.’

So, the first step to any success is answering that question: What is YOUR way of doing things?

Don’t like meeting people? That’s fine. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Don’t go to fucking seminars and therapy to be something your whole body tells you that you aren’t. You can hire people who know how to do that and sell whatever you’re trying to do. It’s when you try jamming what isn’t YOU into someone else’s square hole of ‘this is how it should be done’ is where you get depressed when the results don’t come out.

I found, for me, I am at my best getting a project off the ground when I govern ‘flexo-Autocratically’.

Right. So what does that mean?

It means I lead autocratically, centralized-decision making starting and ending with me, but flexible autonomy to those I’ve vetted and trusted.

How many times have I said, ‘I am not a TEAM player’. All my life. I stand by it. I hate teams. I don’t like sports. I tried to cram my life into teams and results vary with mostly failure and hurt feelings. This was me trying to fit into a square peg all my life and people mad at me because I was getting with a fucked up program.

Maybe it’s the 55 in me, but I don’t give a fuck now.

I don’t do teams. Fuck you if you’re not hearing me and I’ll gladly say it louder.

What I do is either lead … or follow. Those two things I’m good at.

I’m an excellent soldier.

Give me my marching orders, I’ll get it done. But don’t ask me for advice because YOU are supposed to be the leader. Do your fucking job. I don’t believe in debating over a decision. If you make the decision, and it doesnt get me killed, I’ll follow it. If I make the decision, shut the fuck up. One or the other. Especially if I don’t know or trust you.

I am an excellent leader.

I’ll make sure the job gets done and make sure YOU, who is supposed to be part of this ‘team’ gets the job done. But I’m not sharing points of view and asking for your fucking advice. I’m in control. Do what you are assigned or hired to do and do your best at it. I’ll leave you alone to do your great work and I’ll organize a healthy schedule to get it done.

But ‘lets put our heads together’ will receive a kiss my ass reflex reaction as we sit in a room together trying to ‘share’ ideas. Fuckouttahere.

But that’s me but no matter how you blanched at what I just said, I’ve still done the team thing but in my way of doing it.

Maybe teamwork works for you — have at it. Wake me when the projects over.

That was the first step to success, if you were paying attention: know who the fuck you are and act accordingly. You’ll find, when you work with YOU, the universe acts serendipitously and instead of climbing uphill to be something/someone/perform in ways you are not, things work out. They do.

I can’t emphasize that enough.

It’s not hard to do to figure YOU out.  Just make a list of the things that you are comfortable and easily gravitate to doing and stay with those things as you mix it into the life you want to achieve. Like I said, ‘don’t like meeting people?’, there’s someone else out there that does and you’ll just have to pay them to network and talk for you. But guess what, it’s worth it and you will genuinely be doing the things that work instead of looking/feeling fake doing it.

Oh, look at that. Figuring out YOU is the first step toward weeding and vetting people that waste your time. You will find, doing the stupid things that you can’t/don’t feel comfortable doing in order to harmonize with society creates yourself as the biggest waste of time ever. Once you kill that ugly fake beast and become YOU…. suddenly, quite miraculously, you will look around you and say … ‘Holy shit! Look at all these good for nothing bastards!’

Classic example: This is my journal. I write whatever the fuck I want. I’m not interested in your sensitivity to harsh language. Having said that, I am writing freely and with resolute honesty and feel great every word I type. If I had to run through and erase every curse word it would upset the flow of the message I’m conveying and it would come out sanitized. Fake. Edited.

I’m not saying ‘don’t read the room’. Don’t walk into a church and tell everyone to kiss your Black/White/Asian/Latino/LGBTQ ass because ‘you’re just being real’. That’s stupid. You’re just being an asshole and you know it. This journal is my room. I can be free. Anywhere else, I am either not there in the first place… or just keeping my mouth shut.

Sure as hell, if I’m quiet in a room of people, you can place good money I’m thinking someone needs to kiss my ass. That’s a solid winning bet. The odds are in your favor.

Vetting and Clearing

Working in film, you will come across assholes. It’s guaranteed. You won’t avoid it.

It’s a ‘group efforted’ art form meaning you need more than one person to get it done in the majority of cases.

It’s a ‘privileged’ art form meaning no matter how you spin it, this is a disposable cash flow art.

You can’t wake up one day, needing to feed your family, put gas in the car, pay your rent/mortgage and say ‘You know what, I’m going to get a job making movies’ and expect to have a regular paycheck. Yeah, smart ass, even in porn. Check how your body looks before you die on that hill.

Since 2022, I’ve come across ripe, sloppy assholes that could have scuttled everything I was trying to do to finish Predawn and, to this very day, I’m still witnessing assholes saying they can do one thing and don’t act accordingly to their word. Even with deposits and agreements made.

Fuck! This is the kicker: I’m offering to pay people and they still come up as Asshole Supremes. Doesn’t make any sense.

What is true about this industry is you end up fostering relationships of trust and you stick with those people because, once again, people are assholes.

I’m working with the same set of people from Predawn because I trust them. I would work with the whole 20+ set of the cast and crew members if I could afford them and this project was larger.

Liam, Sharon, Monroe, Donna, Tiffany, Diron, Madison, Theresa, Jarid … these are people I trust with my eyes closed because they came through back in May and I can’t give them enough. In fact, these are the people I listen to and trust to be given advice. I hear them, they can tell me I’m fucking up and I adjust accordingly.

So, when I look to hire someone on for the crew, and I don’t get responses to emails, agreements that should have been signed are ignored, questions aren’t asked to make sure we have a battle plan BEFORE the actual shoot, and people just up and disappear — when they are damn well around to get a deposit almost every day in my emails up to that point — well, I start putting on my ‘go fuck yourself’ hat and start cutting losses before the day of a shoot because I won’t trust those people to show up on time.

Happened before Predawn shot. Happened after. Happening now before The Social Challenge is shot. I now factor in the ‘Asshole Equation’ to prevent future screwups. The equation is simple: P=I’m paying you + X=(you can’t do simple communication) * Y=(you always have an excuse) = getthefuckouttahere2

If you can’t fucking sign an agreement to do a job, or answer an email in a timely manner, or meet with me to go over necessary things to plan, how the fuck can I trust you to show up on a call time ON the day of a shoot?

If you’re spending any amount of money, do not be afraid to call a spade an asshole before you lose any or more money and cut your losses early. Remember, it’s about YOUR comfort and the moment you feel you can’t trust someone to do the small things, damn well be sure they can’t do the big things no matter how much they big talk what they can do. Fuck ’em. Start early … give them little things they have to do on time and if its a consistent amount of vanishing or excuses, then get rid of them.

Oh? What’s that? You’re getting the ‘Oh, I had a family crisis. I had this problem and that problem and I couldn’t get back to you but I’ll be ready on that day. I promise.”

Fuck ’em. No. The whining bitch will likely have a family problem or their mama’dem dying on the day of your shoot.

Not your fucking problem.

Always have a plan b in place for everything and everyone, but cut loose all people that have excuses.

No sympathy. It’s too expensive.

Not saying do not be empathetic. Extend your sorry for their troubles … but you still have to cut them loose.

You might not want to be like me, though. Once I cut you loose, you’re dead to me.

No matter how much I’m going to bold face lie to you and say we’ll work again in the future. That person can kiss my ass for future reference.

I may sound cruel. I know that. But do yourself a favor and take out $10 and put it on the table in front of you.

Look at it. Now, think about giving $8.00 of that to a person that doesn’t respond to you, already shows they come late to things, and you have that eerie feeling you’re not going to get your $8.00 back. That’s the ONLY $10 in front of you. Still feel like being gentle about who gets your money?

Time Wasters

In place of money on the table, your TIME is equally expensive.

These same assholes in the industry like to waste it with plenty of ‘I know this person’ and ‘I know that person’ and I’m a big deal this and that’.

Oh my god it’s maddening how many people out there are hustling shit talkers.

I’m hearing of people (and it seems like all these MOFO’s out here suddenly know Tyler Perry) who allegedly know and work with the man, and when I see the scripts they are working on, you know it’s bullshit if you know the history of Tyler Perry productions. It’s like oil and water. Will Tyler Perry really fund and produce your shit script about gangs with gold teeth, thugs and prison life? Is that his consistent flow of storytelling? It’s like me saying, “I got this great porn idea that Martin Scorsese is going to produce. I know him! We go way back!”

Fuckouttahere.

Let me say this: I know no one but the cast and crew of Predawn and the Social Challenge. Those are the only celebrities that matter to me. They influence my soul and I am very VERY guarded about who I connect them with.

Each of them are extremely talented people and I constantly thank God for meeting them. But if your project is shit, I will tell them immediately ‘fuck this guys project. Don’t waste your time’. Yeah, they can make the assessment themselves but I love these guys. I’m very protective of all of them, especially the kids: Wynter, Izzy and Madison.

Don’t make me come find your shitty production and stab you because you fucked with my people.

I wish I was kidding.

Those two things are important and crucial to your success and getting anything off the ground. There is a lot more: mostly organizational methods that work. Steps that would seem more ‘day job’ managerial, but they work. I remember reading on Facebook one day; a posting by a director/producer looking for crew members. She said “I run a fast and loose production so if you’re uptight, don’t come over here.”

Haven’t heard of her loose production since, but I bet it was a shit Tubi video that crashed and burned every step of the way like a lot of people out here trying to get a film done. These people talk a lot of shit, nothing organized and they start sooner without planning anything except believing ‘God will see them through’.

My relationship with God, remember I said how life is prescribed to us individually, is I am under strict orders to plan my ass to the finest DNA level, pray on it and plan some more. It works for me.

I have proven results.

What I am noticing is a lot of people don’t even see that their project isn’t working and it’s an enormous shit show. That ‘blindness’ to keep pushing forward when your just running on fumes is part of that era of thinking: ‘No matter what, keep pushing!’.

I agree: keep pushing, but here’s the rest of the line they all forget: ‘Keep pushing a solid and practical plan’.

If the plan is failing, ran out of money sooner than expected, people didn’t show up, on and on…. stop and reassess.

You got people out here still trying to get a film off the ground with hopes and dreams of funding that isn’t even guaranteed, working on scripts that, on paper, look like the budget should be more than they have out of pocket. Promises of deferred payments left and right. People quitting because they too see the disorganization, emails constantly being sent about whatever the fuck without any definite schedule …. or if there is a schedule, they’ve missed it six months in a row. Kid actors promised to be in a film are getting older and aging out. Nobody knows whats going on. Producers holding onto their cast with promises and lies of ‘one day my ship will come in’, shit talking people who keep bringing up ‘who they know’ because they aren’t shit without their passing association with a named star.

Folks … I am out. None of that is for me.

After a year of accomplishing goals I set for myself, and keeping a distance from the shit shows out in the horizon, the more I am quite positive my ‘thing’ with existing in the film industry is going to be 100% Hayao Miyazaki-style of production: You and your TFOT (That Film Over There) stay over there. WAY over there.

Let me put it this way: I happen to know of a total of six people that started their projects either before I did, or roughly around the same time back in May 2023.

I am the ONLY one that finished our short film and, with my cocky-ass, working on a second one. No, you can’t tell me nothing. lololol.

Joking. Truthfully, I like what works for me so I can afford to shut out the bullshit around me that doesn’t work.

Simple math. Simple living. I’m taking what life prescribed to me and following those instructions. It would have to be a lot of money upfront and in the end for me to work on anyone’s project and follow their ways of doing things. You have to pay my ass lovely to submit to that cluster fuck.

I’ve got my own thing that I comfortably, privately grow over here — with a studio on a farm somewhere with a small group of hand selected talented people and we come out with A24-level winners when we feel like it and at ease. There it is. That’s who I am and plan to be. That I am manifesting. It’s always been in mind, but now it’s officially in the universe. Private, personal storytelling carefully hand crafted with a good, small reliable team and we split the profits, sit back and chill to do another one.

So — who are you?

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A Filmmaking Journey: From Challenges to Sundance Submission

It’s been a while since I last penned my thoughts. The journey of creating “Predawn,” a 34-minute horror-comedy, has been transformative. While initially envisioned as a horror, it leans more towards a suspenseful comedy.

The Evolution of “Predawn”

The editing process has been a whirlwind of fluent changes. The script of “Predawn” has evolved since its inception in 2022. But do I regret the changes? Absolutely not. My filmmaking journey, especially with “Predawn,” has been about adaptation and resilience. Whether it’s scenes left un-shot or the absence of certain equipment and crew, I’ve learned to make the best of what I have.

In my younger days, I often felt frustrated with the stagnation of my film career. But life’s challenges, like financial struggles or personal losses, while seemingly unrelated to filmmaking, have shaped my approach to it. These experiences have taught me resilience, adaptability, and the importance of perspective.

The Road to Sundance Film Festival

With “Predawn” nearing completion, I took the leap and submitted it to the Sundance Film Festival. Sundance has always been a dream destination for me. Their emphasis on independent filmmaking resonates with the essence of “Predawn” – a true indie gem. While the odds might be long, I believe in the age-old saying: you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

Behind the Scenes: Editing and More

The feedback on “Predawn” has been positive, with many wanting for more of its story. As the film undergoes its final edits, I’m also working on an eBook titled “The Turning of Enoch Balthazar Wilde.” This novella goes into events 300 years before “Predawn.” For editing, tools like ChatGPT and Claude.AI have been invaluable, ensuring a smooth read.

On this website, I’ve also shared resources for fellow producers. However, I’ve chosen to steer clear of video tutorials, preferring written guides. My first tutorials will focus on editing with Davinci Resolve, a tool I’ve extensively used for the short film.

The Future of Filmmaking and Embracing the Journey

Post-September, my focus will shift to new projects as “Predawn” moves onto its festival journey. The essence of a film career isn’t just about successes but the experiences and lessons along the way. It’s about diving in, taking risks, and learning from every setback.

To all aspiring filmmakers and writers: Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Dive in, start now, and embrace every challenge as a lesson tailored just for you.

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5 Days in May: Predawn Production Wraps

For someone speechless, I am about to share a whole bunch of words.

It’s 12:36 EST. For five days, we’ve been shooting ‘Predawn’ in Covington GA as planned and we finally wrapped at exactly 4:44 PM 5/24/23. Funny thing about that time. You ever look at the time, or wake up at the same time so frequently that it just didn’t make sense?

For the past year, I’ve been waking up at 3:33 AM or 4:44 AM. Not every day, but often enough to notice it. Or when driving, I would catch a gas station with the current gas price of $3.33. Throughout the day, the same thing from 1:11 straight up to 12:12 or variations of it. Even took a picture of it a few times. Mentioned it to my daughter and even she thought it was weird. See the pictures below. These are screenshots from my phone. Me waking up in the middle morning and one day later in the middle of the afternoon when I remembered to catch it. Last year.

I’ve come to understand and associate these coincidental observations with moments of time that I was doing something, or thinking about something right. I know — it sounds like I’m crazy. You have to walk with me through my life to get why wrapping at exactly 4:44 PM – the very last shot of the film — after the whirlwind year I’ve had to prepare for this shoot — means to me. Think the end of ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’. The bell jingling in the last shot of the film.

Wings were gained somewhere.

This blog post is not about time. Then again it is.

It’s also about listening and when you have the right combination of souls, you can let go. This comes from a profound introvert that will be the first to decry his disapproval of teamwork. All my life I couldn’t understand the terms ‘teamwork makes the dream work’ or ‘there is no I in team’. Never could get it when people have, and always, disappointed me.

This was my first ‘real’ film. Executed with perfection that only could only be seen in hindsight. Only after I learned to shut up and let the universe — let God — work the magic.

I think I mentioned at some point that I know God was not in the business of ‘movie making’. I totally got that all my praying for a successful film wasn’t directly connected to world peace and the almighty doesn’t take a section of his time just to make sure my call sheets were in order.

However, I have come to understand the things we do individually are for the benefit of thinking, teaching, helping, and showing others’ ‘a difference’, which puts those people we interact with in motion to think, teach, help, and show others a difference as well. And so on, and so on, and so on. Thus, if all concerned are thinking, teaching, helping, and showing to each other, the project and ambitions of that group form the right ‘team’ to accomplish the ‘work’. It’s not aout just throwing random people together and forcing them to work together. It’s more about natural, gravitational perfection. People who are supposed to be there doing what they were supposed to do at the right time.

To get there, you have to have the right ears and insight to sort out who works for the project. You can’t sort out who you can work with and who needs to go by your own ego. Nope. It won’t work. Imagine this: a guy needs to pick a team of people to climb a mountain. He picks only people that he thinks look good for the covers of magazines when he promotes his team to climb Mount Everest. Then when most of them don’t come back from the climb, you would think it was about him not selecting experienced climbers.

I’ve come to understand it’s not just about whether or not he selected sexier climbers versus experienced climbers. I am convinced God allows us to hear who we should connect with and who we shouldn’t. The wrong experienced climber could have messed him up as well. For instance, let’s say he selected the beautiful blond experienced climber, but that person continued to fail to come to meetings and always had a situation for not showing up to important safety processes. But the lead climber continued to keep that blond on the team straight up until that same blond caused a disaster.

You can look at that scenario and say ‘Well, obviously the blond was going to be a disaster’. I say to you, it’s never that obvious in the middle of your ego.

You can be determined to keep a person or a plan no matter how often the signs are telling you to divert or let that person or plan go. We get into this ‘do or die’ thing to reach our goals when, maybe, we are being told to shift gears and people before it’s too late.

A real-time example: Predawn had a five-day shoot. For four of those five days, it did nothing but rain. We were delayed often and had to shift gears when to shoot scenes and totally cut a sequence in another location. I could have been adamant about packing us all up and driving to Union City in the middle of the night to get that perfect shot. Some cast members were even willing to do it. But I took a moment away from everyone, prayed privately. Not for an answer, because I already saw the answer was not to go. It was more like: ‘Allow me to continue to hear he answer’.

As a result, I received some new ideas when I slept that night. We shot a bunch of new sequences the next day that not only worked but worked better.

And just like that, I just described the entire Predawn experience. However, it comes from the perspective of learning to have ears and insight.

Let me address the elephant in the room: I NEVER had the right ears and insight until maybe these past few years. I picked up on what prayer and doing ‘what I am ordered to do’ since maybe 2020 when we landed in our first home during the pandemic. I challenged myself to repeat the lessons learned to do the unthinkable, as far as I was concerned: actually finish a film.

Somewhere in this blog, Game of Chess: The Building Blocks of a Good Film I have mentioned that my biggest challenge, over the many years trying to get a film project off the ground, was never the story. Writing stories is water to my fish. I dream about concepts all the time. The problem was always the execution. The processes needed from A to Z to accomplish a project.

Up until 5/24/2023, at 4:44 PM, I have never ‘wrapped’ a film in my life. Short or otherwise. There was always some problem. Something incomplete.

When it did happen, I was centered among the greatest cast and crew members ever. People that will carry on to do even greater things.

To think, it all really started with a failed attempt to get a casting director. She ignored me and my calls. I stopped chasing her — then the perfect cast and crew found me.

This film was ONLY made possible …

‘say again last’

ONLY made possible

by the amazing talents of this specific cast and crew:

Diron Jones

Wynter J. Davis

Ashley Johnson

Po Yen

Josh Schaffrin

Vasudha Krishnamoorthy

Gray Campbell

Madison Geiger

Izzy Miller

Kaycee Fillbright

Joshua Alford

Judith Aaron

and Stacy Dori!

Introducing Co-Director Angie Lynch of Iris Faction Media. She expanded the vision of this film in directions I just never would have thought of. I was blessed to meet her and she is a prime example of me keeping quiet and allowing the universe to move the chess pieces. Thank you, partner. It only goes up from here.

Liam Bradbury – Music Composer whom I’ve been working with practically since day #1. Just wait till you hear his soundtrack!

Jarid Coronado – Sound and all-around ‘save my ass’ perfect crew member. He pointed me in the right direction more times than I can count. Thank you, sir. If I’m not working with you on the next film, I might just have to wait until you’re available. That’s just the way it has to be. Thank you so much.

Javanshir Shukurov – Computer Graphic Artist who helped set the ambitious tone Predawn was going to go in.

Allen Mitchell of KIG Films – Drone Operator that made Predawn look like it had a bigger budget than it has with his aerial footage. Thank you, brother.

My Wife Donna Burkes, on-set Nurse – She provided daily safety meetings and a laundry list of support when I was losing my mind and self-confidence an hour before the cast and crew call.

Peter McKenzie for providing some of his incredibly talented soundtracks to the picture.

Franklin Mross – For animal Wrangling (i.e., potential snakes) and a fantastic education.

Monroe and Sharon Osborne for the intended use of their location. Too much rain prevented us from using it but I’m reading a universal directive that we weren’t supposed to be there. Because right after we adapted and changed the story, it stopped raining. I accept that and love you both for opening your home to the production regardless.

The mothers of Izzy, Madison, and Wynter: Jamie Davis, Theresa Matos, and Nicole Miller. Thank you for sharing your bright and extraordinarily talented children with this project and our home. Extra special thank you to my little sister Wynter. You see, this was her first film project and this was mine also. I told her we had to stick together because everyone here had more experience than us. She was to be my little sister through all of this. When I was struggling every night with self-esteem issues and lack of confidence that I can do this film, Wynter came in every day and performed her lines — even new ones — like a seasoned confident professional. I needed her to be my North star. If my little sister was able to get the job done, I knew I would too.

It’s now 3:21 AM.

It usually doesn’t take me this long to write a blog post. With all the light edits and tears, I’m a little delayed.

The house is uncomfortably silent. I miss my Predawn Family.

Still, I think I told them the resolution to that empty feeling I’m having right now is to just do another film!

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Interview on The Atlanta Call Sheet

A really great interview on The Atlanta Call Sheet. You can read it here.

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A Short Film on Track

Two months to go.

Principal photography is scheduled for Saturday, May 20th to Wednesday, May 24th.

We’re having a table read Saturday, April 29th.

As of this day/date, everything is moving exactly as earlier planned from last year July 2022 through December 2022. That includes financing.

Frankly, I’m shocked. Though not looking to jinx anything, it feels like this is going to be a flawless shoot. I have to contribute its momentum to four things:

God’s grace – cause I’ve experienced things NOT approved by his hand.A touch of paranoid personal micro-management.Long game planning.Maturity.

I have said, in the past, it’s never the ideas that have a problem. Storytelling, writing scripts, and having ideas for films were never the problem. It was always the execution that scuttled past projects. Not enough of this. Not enough of that. Not just money, but other resources. Lack of money tends to be the stab in the heart that breaks the whole tower of ideas.

Last year around now, the idea for Predawn started as a treatment after another idea didn’t materialize. An animation project. I couldn’t stand the quality of it and when it comes to animation, it has to be solid for the story to be told right. As much as I love animation, no matter how long I’ve labored over it, I just never came to grips with liking my output of work. So, once and for all, I put it down.

That left a hole in the ‘what was I doing creatively in 2022’. Predawn was conceived and the pre-PRE-production began with a different approach than trying to pull off a short animation.

First of all, I didn’t have to rely on a skill set I didn’t like. Imagine you love playing the guitar. You practice and work at it for years and you’re still no better than day one. Now, that’s an opinion you give yourself, rest assured. You are your own worst critic, they say. You have to be. If you just push out the crap you can’t feel, it’ll be hard to justify its existence. You spend more time undercutting what you put out there.

It can be said, once you produce something, you should just let it go and move on to the next thing WITHOUT critiquing yourself. I agree with that only AFTER you’re certain your personal critique has approved its quality. With animation, I’ve never liked anything I’ve worked on.

Writing stories, however…

I can freestyle a story in my sleep. I literally generate stories out of dreams; waking up with something new. The adventure has always been ‘how to get what’s in my head onto the screen.’

Back in early 2022, I was on a precipice.

Keep working on some animation that I won’t like and end up trashing it … again?

Work on a short film instead, but with a track record of minor success, why even bother?

That was easily answered because the stories just keep flowing. Semi-painfully.

Do you know, it gets so bad I have to take Tylenol frequently to suppress headaches? Or spend hours banging out a treatment just to stop the noise.

It works.

As long as it’s on paper/Microsoft Word, things quiet down. I’m totally into sensory deprivation in order to stop the ideas, story structures, character development, etc, etc just to get some sleep.

It’s been like this since I was five years old.

All the ideas in the world won’t help you get a film off the ground if you don’t execute it right. And that was the bone-crushing defeat of it all.

Until now, that is.

It’s like I know the assignment. I set up weekly ‘to do’ lists that I MUST see getting scratched out at every step of the way. Because I started WAY early, considering the screenplay is likely going to be under 45 minutes, in one 1/2 locations and a small cast/crew, I had time to breathe.

I’m not rushing.

I’m not pressed for time.

Everyone on the cast/crew is notified early enough, to give them ample time to live their lives and still come for arranged dates.

For my end, I put the majority onus of work on myself so I can look at and address the things I do have control of:

Study and use of the Blackmagic Pocket Cinema 4kUnderstanding the right lenses I needCreating the overall storyline of Predawn and what comes before it and what will come after it.Solidified financing.Scheduling and updating the cast and crew in a timely mannerPurchasing props and preparing the scenes.Preparing for the festivals and each of their requirements.Creating a marketing strategy that helps us before and after we get selected.Developing practical and digital special effects within off-the-shelf reasonability.Writing a blog posting from time to time to keep the ‘Predawn’ search engine appearance relevant. Especially by the time of festivals.Planning the screening at a theater for the cast, crew, family, and friends in July, two months after we wrap.

With each passing day, as we get closer to shooting Predawn, my heart is lifting.

Not just for these five days in May and finally accomplishing a festival-quality film.

It’s that I’m getting closer to shooting each of the PLENTY of other stories I need to tell on screen, big or small. You gotta start with one. One of ‘something’ to continue walking the path. Predawn is my ‘something’ to make a statement that I exist. Backed by my weekly acting classes (by the way, are fantastic), I’m learning what it means to be a director to actors.

All I have to do is keep us on track for another two months. After that, edit peacefully, screen with everybody, and submit to festivals.

No pressure at all after that.

Because that’s when I put Predawn out there and leave it to others to critique.

Yeah. This one.

I’m nearly ready to wrap up and move on to the next project because this … Predawn … it’s doing what it’s supposed to do and I love it.

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