Averil Dean's Blog, page 7

January 6

In the late afternoon,the beginning of darkness, finally aloneafter doing some outlandish thing—fucking an old friend, for instance,or marching on authority with ambiguous intent,and feeling yourselfat one with the pack, howling, hurling yourself at windows,falling through the chimneyand into the third pig's stew—evening shuts the door and covers the debris,and you trudge back to your pickup truck or bus,lower to the ground than transport ought to be,arriving home to find the arm...

Bareback

The day before yesterday, I got my second COVID shot. This one hit a little harder than the first, so after struggling though a few hours at work, I drove home and put on a pair of pajamas, laid a heating pad in the bed and crawled on top. Rarely have I stalled out this way. My body seemed pressed by a heavy weight, flattened to the bed, while my mind remained in a curious state during which the act of moving seemed quaint, as if walking across the room were an activity from a bygone era. At the...

Last Gleaming

Happy birthday, America.

I have to say, the mood is less than celebratory this year. We have upwards of 50,000 new cases of COVID-19 every day, and we’ve lost more than 130,000 mothers and fathers, sisters, brothers, and children. There is no end in sight, since the President’s ego and cowardice are running the show. With his usual stunning gift for irony, he’s also trying one more time to dismantle Obama’s healthcare plan; apparently mid-pandemic, when millions of people are out of work thr...

Gift Horse

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I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be white in America. For me, personally; your mileage may vary. I’m a suburban hetero mother of three, no religious affiliation, no particular attachment to geography. I don’t know where my family hails from. In school, I was taught about the history of people who look like me, so I assume many of my ancestors were European. I’ve lived and worked with people of many ethnicities, of course, but most of them h...

Look

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This week has been rough. The world is hurting in so many ways. I’ve spent this time making the head space to take on a burden my neighbors have been carrying for far too long on their own. I’ve been trying to listen and learn while this conversation about race, police brutality, white privilege, and repeated trauma has been going on around the world. And can I tell you, I have a shit-ton of learning to do.

We all have our faults. One of mine is the te...

Neighbors

Whatever your faith, let your spirits be lifted by the spirits of others, and remember this, the truest thing I know:

Until you can love thy neighbor, you will never know love at all.

This

Forecast

Henry and Oliver. Henry’s ear is inside-out again. I’ve told him it looks ridiculous, but he said it’s important that he remain vigilant for the crinkle of a treat bag.

No rain today, according to forecasts. The trails are open again and the buddies are ready to go. They know all the signs: Mom’s opening the sock drawer. She’s getting the right pair of shoes, and the earbuds, and the keys. Is she, is she? She IS! She’s going for the leashes! This is the best thing that has EVER HAPPENED!

...

Pros

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What to do, what to do. The book is with my agent and a few beta readers, and in the meantime I’m trying to figure out how or whether to publish it. I’ve been wading through the pros and cons of traditionally publishing versus self-publishing versus reaching out to a small indie press. This is a new genre for me and I’ve never written a series, so it’s hard to know.

If I had a bigger budget, it would be a no-brainer. There are wonderful cover designers and ...

Compass

Apparently the President is now taking hydroxychloroquine. That’s what he says, at any rate, and when has the guy ever told a lie? The drug is not a proven prophylactic for COVID-19 and can cause deadly heart arrhythmias, so for once I’m one hundred percent onboard with his strategy. Carry on, fearless leader. Carry on.

Like many of us, I’m conducting an ongoing post-mortem during the mortem, wondering how the actual fuck we got to be so stupid in this country. Mostly I blame Fox News and th...