Manuela Cardiga's Blog, page 73
April 28, 2014
April 25, 2014
NEW on AMAZON!!! And funny too...
The Romans were very much like us: incurably curious, talkative, malicious gossips.
However, there were no gossip-mags back then, or Twitter, or exposés on National TV...
The only vehicle the Romans had to feed their voracious appetite for their neighbour’s private life were graffiti, and so they scribbled their tell-alls on the insula walls.
This is a little collection of salacious, vicious and delicious graffito featuring all our old favourites: Tiberius, Julius, Valerius, Caligula, and oh so many other bad mad Romans we so love to still gossip about!
http://www.amazon.com/Graffiti-Collec...
April 23, 2014
Coming SOON! NEW! By Manuela Cardiga...
The Romans were very much like us: incurably curious, talkative, malicious gossips. However, there were no gossip mags back then, or Twitter, or exposés on National TV. The only vehicle the Romans had to feed their voracious appetite for their neighbour’s private life were graffito, and so they scribbled their tell-alls on the insula walls… This is a little collection of salacious, vicious and delicious graffito featuring all our old favourites: Tiberius, Julius, Valerius, Caligula, and oh so many other bad mad Romans we so love to bad mouth...
Look for Graffiti Collected in a Tome from the Streets of Ancient RomeBy Manuela Cardiga
April 17, 2014
New Poetry Book!
Ok people!
I'm going to put together a book of comic poems?
So please suggest the one you thought the funniest! (or your personal favourite)
Also would love a suggestion for the title?
Winner of the best title sees their words immortalised on the cover AND gets the dubious honour of getting the book dedicated to them...
If in doubt, rumage through the blog they are all here.
send sugestions to:
manuelacardiga.guiltypleasures@gmail.com
Thank you!
I'm going to put together a book of comic poems?
So please suggest the one you thought the funniest! (or your personal favourite)
Also would love a suggestion for the title?
Winner of the best title sees their words immortalised on the cover AND gets the dubious honour of getting the book dedicated to them...
If in doubt, rumage through the blog they are all here.
send sugestions to:
manuelacardiga.guiltypleasures@gmail.com
Thank you!
April 14, 2014
The Silver Lining
My friends, we all know how important the power of positive thinking can be.How many times have we been told to look on the bright side? Every cloud has a silver lining, or so they say…
So let’s ask ourselves: what is the silver lining to Writers Block; that dread bane of the author, that monstrous devourer of creative writing and academic output alike?Easy.Emotional blackmail.That is RIGHT! Take that Writer Block Bitch and make her work for her room and board!So you ask yourself… Why should I do it? How do I do this? Is it ethical to this?To all these I add one more question: WHY NOT DO IT??
So..Question 1: Why should I do it?First: because it’s fun.
Secondly: it costs nothing. If you are your average author you are strapped for cash and cannot afford to drink seriously, delve into a haze of fashionable drugs, or have a wild unfettered fling with a nubile member of whatever sex you fancy.
Third: It could be very useful as research into manipulative, deviant behavior by a sociopathic personality type. Don’t forget, even if you are not writing you can be doing research, stocking up those lovely little details that add depth and flavor to your writing; and this could be too good an opportunity to pass up!
Fourth: because you are having Writer’s Block and that leaves you lots of mental free-time. Idle minds do the Devil’s work…
Question 2: How do I do this? Watch any competent 4 year-old for hints on superior emotional blackmail and manipulation of friends and loved ones.
Begin by LETTING PEOPLE KNOW.Stop hiding and suffering on your own. Come out of the closet.Go to the loved one of your choice and pour out your anger, your anguish and frustration. YOUR PAIN!Share, cry, moan…be absolutely pathetic. I know it’s not very dignified but it will pay off dividends BIG TIME.Sob, a tear in time will get them to forgive you any crime, I always says.
After you have established your status as Blocked Writer - and let me tell you, it is soooo prestigious (Writer’ Block somehow garners you more credibility than a dozen published novels)- you work on the image.The judicious application of subtle non-shimmer eye-shadow under the eyes will give you that sleepless haunted look. Tousle your hair; try to look interestingly pale and drawn.Allow your lower lip to tremble, and a tear to hang glistening on your lashes.Don’t actually CRY- guys take note, you don’t want to smudge the make-up.Work on that posture too, slight shoulder slump, head up, with a brave good-bye-cruel-world look.
Then you start to work…You ask for stuff.For example at Sunday lunch there is one last slice of your favorite Chocolate Fudge Cake with Hot Chocolate-Rum Sauce and your chocoholic beloved has his or her eye on it.Say: “Darling…can I have that last slice, you see I read some where that chocolate is actually an antidote to depression… (lip wobble) and you see….I-HAVE–WRITER’S-BLOCK…”
Or your skinny teen reaches for that that drumstick you’ve been coveting?“Oh…you…You want that? Of course…you are growing, and I, I only have WRITER’S-BLOCK, after all…”
Another battlefield you can dominate is THE REMOTE CONTROL…a quiet subdued sob, and the use of the magic phrase and it is yours!
Have you any odd little fantasies your better half has always baulked at as a tad too kinky?Pout and whine “Oh babe…but I-HAVE–WRITER’S-BLOCK, and maybe that would cure me…”
Hint that any kind of rejection will send you spinning into the endless void because…say it with me…I-HAVE–WRITER’S-BLOCK
These are just a few suggestions. Think about it. The possibilities are endless.
Question 3: Is it ethical to do this?Of course not! Don’t be ridiculous. Better yet, don’t be a wimp!Drop the fake morality and stand revealed in the full glory of your sleazy, sneaky little writer’s ego.Isn’t that why we write? Cause we love the sound of our own voice and worship at the feet of our own genius…
Since we can’t write, let’s do something that makes us feel almost as good.Let’s take full advantage of our superior wits and other people’s good nature: let’s manipulate!
I close with the final question, which is also the first question:Why not do it?Go on…try it… You will love it.
I do…
So let’s ask ourselves: what is the silver lining to Writers Block; that dread bane of the author, that monstrous devourer of creative writing and academic output alike?Easy.Emotional blackmail.That is RIGHT! Take that Writer Block Bitch and make her work for her room and board!So you ask yourself… Why should I do it? How do I do this? Is it ethical to this?To all these I add one more question: WHY NOT DO IT??
So..Question 1: Why should I do it?First: because it’s fun.
Secondly: it costs nothing. If you are your average author you are strapped for cash and cannot afford to drink seriously, delve into a haze of fashionable drugs, or have a wild unfettered fling with a nubile member of whatever sex you fancy.
Third: It could be very useful as research into manipulative, deviant behavior by a sociopathic personality type. Don’t forget, even if you are not writing you can be doing research, stocking up those lovely little details that add depth and flavor to your writing; and this could be too good an opportunity to pass up!
Fourth: because you are having Writer’s Block and that leaves you lots of mental free-time. Idle minds do the Devil’s work…
Question 2: How do I do this? Watch any competent 4 year-old for hints on superior emotional blackmail and manipulation of friends and loved ones.
Begin by LETTING PEOPLE KNOW.Stop hiding and suffering on your own. Come out of the closet.Go to the loved one of your choice and pour out your anger, your anguish and frustration. YOUR PAIN!Share, cry, moan…be absolutely pathetic. I know it’s not very dignified but it will pay off dividends BIG TIME.Sob, a tear in time will get them to forgive you any crime, I always says.
After you have established your status as Blocked Writer - and let me tell you, it is soooo prestigious (Writer’ Block somehow garners you more credibility than a dozen published novels)- you work on the image.The judicious application of subtle non-shimmer eye-shadow under the eyes will give you that sleepless haunted look. Tousle your hair; try to look interestingly pale and drawn.Allow your lower lip to tremble, and a tear to hang glistening on your lashes.Don’t actually CRY- guys take note, you don’t want to smudge the make-up.Work on that posture too, slight shoulder slump, head up, with a brave good-bye-cruel-world look.
Then you start to work…You ask for stuff.For example at Sunday lunch there is one last slice of your favorite Chocolate Fudge Cake with Hot Chocolate-Rum Sauce and your chocoholic beloved has his or her eye on it.Say: “Darling…can I have that last slice, you see I read some where that chocolate is actually an antidote to depression… (lip wobble) and you see….I-HAVE–WRITER’S-BLOCK…”
Or your skinny teen reaches for that that drumstick you’ve been coveting?“Oh…you…You want that? Of course…you are growing, and I, I only have WRITER’S-BLOCK, after all…”
Another battlefield you can dominate is THE REMOTE CONTROL…a quiet subdued sob, and the use of the magic phrase and it is yours!
Have you any odd little fantasies your better half has always baulked at as a tad too kinky?Pout and whine “Oh babe…but I-HAVE–WRITER’S-BLOCK, and maybe that would cure me…”
Hint that any kind of rejection will send you spinning into the endless void because…say it with me…I-HAVE–WRITER’S-BLOCK
These are just a few suggestions. Think about it. The possibilities are endless.
Question 3: Is it ethical to do this?Of course not! Don’t be ridiculous. Better yet, don’t be a wimp!Drop the fake morality and stand revealed in the full glory of your sleazy, sneaky little writer’s ego.Isn’t that why we write? Cause we love the sound of our own voice and worship at the feet of our own genius…
Since we can’t write, let’s do something that makes us feel almost as good.Let’s take full advantage of our superior wits and other people’s good nature: let’s manipulate!
I close with the final question, which is also the first question:Why not do it?Go on…try it… You will love it.
I do…
April 6, 2014
Spring is for Desire...Get a taste here...
Download "Desire's Detective" by Manuela Cardiga and Desirée Cronson FREE
A special gift download just until the 15th of April!http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/...
Enjoy!
A special gift download just until the 15th of April!http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/...
Enjoy!
April 4, 2014
Coming soon..."The Sarah and Hagar Consensus" by Manuela Cardiga
If you want to start a fire, or end a war, you tell a story...
Coming soon..."The Hagar and Sarah Consensus" by Manuela Cardiga
If you want to start a fire, or end a war, you tell a story...
March 24, 2014
"Guilty Pleasures" Contest! WIN an E-BOOK!
Answer three EASY QUESTIONS about Manuela Cardiga's delicious Cock and Cook Comedy "GUILTY PLEASURES - The Food and Fornication Fables" and win a download of "Desire's Detective" a divinely raunchy historical satire by Manuela Cardiga and Desireé Cronson.
1. What is Lance Packhard's real name?
2. Where was Serge born?
3. What is Millie's dog called?
Send your answers to
manuelacardiga.guiltypleasures@gmail.com
and WIN
1. What is Lance Packhard's real name?
2. Where was Serge born?
3. What is Millie's dog called?
Send your answers to
manuelacardiga.guiltypleasures@gmail.com
and WIN
"Guilty Pleasures" Contest! WIN a FREE e-book!
Answer three EASY QUESTIONS about Manuela Cardiga's delicious Cock and Cook Comedy "GUILTY PLEASURES - The Food and Fornication Fables" and win a FREE download of "Desire's Detective" a divinely raunchy historical satire by Manuela Cardiga and Desireé Cronson.
1. What is Lance Packhard's real name?
2. Where was Serge born?
3. What is Millie's dog called?
Send your answers to
manuelacardiga.guiltypleasures@gmail.com
and WIN
1. What is Lance Packhard's real name?
2. Where was Serge born?
3. What is Millie's dog called?
Send your answers to
manuelacardiga.guiltypleasures@gmail.com
and WIN
