Tyler Yoder's Blog, page 20
June 30, 2014
Post the Sixty Ninth: AN EXPLOSION OF PRIDE
Thank you, Gentle Reader, for bearing with an entire month of LGBTQIA content! We’ll be back to the adventures soon enough. Today? Today, as last year, I am likely hungover on a bus, traveling back to my house post-Pride.
CARPE YOLO
Wednesday and Friday, you’ll get to hear all about it. For now, a recap of June’s Posts!
Poetic Interlude LX - Allen Ginsburg’s Footnote to Howl.
Post the Fifty-Seventh: In Which We Go Over The Rainbow – A summary of what, exactly, the colors in the Pride Flag actually mean, and why the rainbow is an LGBTQIA symbol.
Post the Fifty-Eighth: The Stonewall Riots - In which I explain why, precisely, Pride parades are a thing, what they mean, and how they started.
Post the Fifty-Ninth: Song with Queer Themes – A yearly tradition, in which I share explicitly queer music that I’ve found.
Poetic Interlude LXI – Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese.
Post the Sixtieth: How to Do Ally Right: A Primer – In which I gently mention some ways to better support one’s QUILTBAG friends.
Post the Sixty-First: A Recap of Pride 2013: Part I – a rerun from last year, dealing with last year’s Pride. Duh.
Post the Sixty-Second: A Recap of Pride 2013: Part II – Part two of the same. Likewise, duh.
Poetic Interlude LXII – Audre Lord’s Love Poem.
Post the Sixty-Third: We’re Here, We’re Queer, and No One Cares: Why LGBTQIA Visibility Still Matters – Exactly what it says on the tin.
Post the Sixty-Fourth: The Gay Nineties – In which I talk about how naive we were, and how much progress we made, in the 1990′s.
Post the Sixty-Fifth: In Which We Think Of The Children - How “defending” children from queers hurts LGBT and straight children alike.
Poetic Interlude LXIII – A video of Ivan Coyote and Rae Spoon performing part of their slam-poetry show, Gender Failure
Post the Sixty-Sixth: In Which We Pass – Passing Privilege is mentioned in passing, and I talk about how I don’t wanna Pass for straight.
Post the Sixty-Seventh: In Which We Face The Law - an extensively researched resource of what the law precisely is, in each of the 80-something countries where homosexuality is still illegal, with the ones that still put queers to death highlighted in bold.
Post the Sixty-Eighth: In Which We’re Coming Out – my personal coming out story, for what it’s worth.
Poetic Interlude LXIV – Hilda Doolittle’s Lethe.
I hope you enjoyed this month’s festivities, and are filled with the sense of the sea of diverse humanity surging all about you. HAPPY PRIDE, Y’ALL!
And, just because you’ve been so patient to get to this point, a song:
Tagged: LGBT, LGBTQIA, Pride, Pride Month, Queer, QUILTBAG, Tyler J. Yoder, Whimsical Adventures of the Reverend Doctor
June 29, 2014
Poetic Interlude LXIV
We finish our spotlight on queer poets during Pride Month -
- with a piece by H. D.*
Lethe
NOR skin nor hide nor fleece
Shall cover you,
Nor curtain of crimson nor fine
Shelter of cedar-wood be over you,
Nor the fir-tree
Nor the pine.
Nor sight of whin nor gorse
Nor river-yew,
Nor fragrance of flowering bush,
Nor wailing of reed-bird to waken you,
Nor of linnet,
Nor of thrush.
Nor word nor touch nor sight
Of lover, you
Shall long through the night but for this:
The roll of the full tide to cover you
Without question,
Without kiss.
*********
*H. D. had been known as Hilda Doolittle in her youth, once nearly married Ezra Pound, and was flagrantly, unapologetically, bisexual in the early twentieth century. Her work was rediscovered in the 1970′s, when she became iconic to both the QUILTBAG and Feminist movements.
Tagged: Bisexual, Bisexual Poet, H. D., Hilda Doolittle, Lethe, LGBT, Queer Poetry, QUILTBAG Poetry
June 27, 2014
Post the Sixty-Eighth: In Which We’re Coming Out.
My mothers eyes, rimmed with tears, looked up at me, in the grassy verge beside the road. “Is it true? What Hannah said? Are you -”
I cut her off with a prepared statement. “Yes, Ma. I’m gayer than a Victorian lady on a picnic.”
She didn’t laugh.
Cue Diana Ross, Gentle Reader.
*********
I’d come out at school about six months after my dear personal friend Mr. C. W. L. Darling. I’d been very careful up to that point – I wore only beige, and whenever anyone asked me if I was gay (at least twice a week) I had carefully answered “no.” But the time had come: One brave grey morning, exactly like any other in the fog around the buses, I told my best friends my biggest secret: “Emily, Christopher, I’m gay.”
Of course, the whole school knew by noon.
This was a shame, because I’d hand-written coming-out letters to most of the class of 2003.
Well, time passed, and I hadn’t said a word to my folks. I carried extra clothes in my backpack so that I could queer it up on the bus, after I’d left the house. At one point, I had visiting cards made up.
And then, over the next few months, I grew complacent. I was terrified of telling my family, but I was completely out at school. Things grew comfortable.
Somehow, word had gotten to my mother’s friend’s 12-year-old daughter. We were visiting for some reason or another, and she came running in – she scooped up a seat at the table, listened intently to the talk, and when a break in conversation presented itself, said something that changed my life forever.
“Tyler, are you gay?”
I didn’t answer properly. I blushed, stammered, said “NO!” loudly, and then it was time to go. All sixteen years of me were shaken.
And now we’re back at the start of this post, Gentle Reader!
I begged my mother not to tell anyone. I was certain that my father would kick me out of the house – though a gentle, kind man, he had a darkness within him. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone at all.
But my MOTHER was!
Every second-cousin thrice-removed was soon getting a friendly phone call. Though I’d begged her to keep it to herself, Maman decided that she didn’t want anyone who couldn’t handle homosexuality in her life. I was mortified; all agency had been removed from my hands – a moment had been robbed from me.
Plus, my father vanished when he heard the news. He packed a suitcase and left.
That was that; there was no going back.
At school? Things were mostly okay. I’d get called faggot, occasionally, but I never got into a physical fight.
My grandparents pretended that nothing had happened.
My mother joined PFLAG, and, frankly, made my coming-out all about her.
My dad came back home after a week or so, and we never spoke of that again.
All in all? Things turned out for the best. Even so, I feel as if I was robbed of something, all those years ago.
Happy Pride, Gentle Reader!
Tagged: Coming Out, Coming Out Stories, Gay, Gay Youth, Gayer Than A Victorian Lady On A Picnic, Gossip, LGBT, LGBTQIA, Pride, Queer, Queer Youth, QUILTBAG, Victorian Ladies On Picnics, Wanton Sex Goddess
June 25, 2014
Post the Sixty-Seventh: In Which We Face The Law
I’m afraid today’s post won’t be so rosy, Gentle Reader. If you want something uplifting, you might want to go re-read In Praise of the Femme. We’re about to get a little bit serious.
In Yemen, Iran, Mauritania, Nigeria, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Somalia, and Sudan, homosexual acts are punishable by death. In Iraq* and the United Arab Emirates, laws are more ambiguous, but LGBTQIA folks have still been recently been put to death by the courts. At the end of this post, I’ll have a list of countries where homosexuality is merely illegal, but in these countries you can still be put to death.
Be glad I decided to stay away from graphic imagery in this post. I threw up twice looking for suitable photos.
This isn’t to say that these are the most dangerous countries in which to be gay. Mob “justice”, mauling, and flat-out murder are carried out all over the world, regardless of what laws are on the books. We all know about Uganda for example, and Russia doesn’t actually have a law prohibiting homosexuality at all – just gay “propaganda”. Naturally, this doesn’t prevent roving gangs of thugs from robbing people of their lives, nor does it prevent people from being imprisoned indefinitely. It’s merely a polite fiction.
Seriously: Fuck you, Putin
If you google which countries are the most homophobic, or which are the most dangerous for LGBT travelers, or which have the highest rate of hate crimes, you’ll wind up with several different lists that in no way coincide. Information is supressed, distorted, erased. Your best bet, if you want to stay safe, is to hide who you are and conform as much as possible – particularly in regards to gender presentation. Even if you can’t possibly fool anyone, you have to try – your life may depend on it.
But that’s all just common sense; what can we actually do about these laws?
Precious little. Spread awareness, get people talking – hope, if you’re not too cynical. Pray, if you pray. Not much beyond that. But people need to know.
A List of Countries In Which Homosexuality Is Illegal:
I’ve taken the time to find links on the specific laws in each country, and in cases where the laws are in the process of being challenged, or changed, such as Malawi, I’ve done my best to find the most up-to-date information. I hope that this isn’t a resource that many need to use, but for what it’s worth, it’s here.
Afghanistan
Algeria
Angola
Antigua & Barbuda
Bangladesh
Barbados
Belize
Bhutan
Botswana
Brunei
Burundi
Cameroon
Comoros
Cook Islands
Dominica
Egypt
Eritrea
Ethiopia
Gambia
Ghana
Grenada
Guinea
Guyana
India†
Iran
Indonesia
Jamaica
Kenya
Kiribati
Kuwait
Kyrgyzstan‡
Lesotho
Liberia
Libya
Malaysia
Malawi
Maldives
Mauritania
Mauritius
Moldova‡
Morocco
Mozambique
Myanmar
Namibia
Nigeria
Nauru
Oman
Pakistan
Palau
Palestine/Gaza Strip
Papua New Guinea
Qatar
Russia‡
Samoa
Sao Tome
Saudi Arabia
Senegal
Seychelles
Sierra Leone
Singapore
Solomon Islands
Somalia
South Sudan
Sri Lanka
St. Kitts & Nevis
St. Lucia
St. Vincent & The Grenadines
Sudan
Swaziland
Syria
Tanzania
Togo
Tonga
Trinidad & Tobago
Tunisia
Turkmenistan
Tuvalu
Uganda
Ukraine‡
United Arab Emirates
Uzbekistan
Yemen
Zambia
Zimbabwe
For more specifics, though not for all the countries listed, you can check out a BuzzFeed article that’s … actually useful.
*********
*Um, obviously the situation in Iraq is very tricky right now. The laws are ambiguous at the moment, in light of the recent situation. Apparently, there is no official law against homosexuality, but sharia judges have been condemning people to death.
†India repealed its anti-gay laws in 2013, but if I’m not mistaken, things are tied up in court and the current situation is confusing.
‡ These countries had, have, or are considering laws that, while not outright banning homosexuality, will ban it in effect - à la Rousse, if you will.
Tagged: Countries Where Being Gay Is Illegal, Homosexuality Punishable By Death, LGBT, LGBT rights worldwide, LGBTQIA, Queer, QUILTBAG 
June 23, 2014
Post the Sixty-Sixth: In Which We Pass
These days, Gentle Reader, I wear my identity on my sleeve. Even the most severely restrained outfit is – at the very least – adorned by a modest brooch. I take my wardrobe very seriously, and though my unique sense of style isn’t to everyone’s taste, it leaves no doubt in anyone’s mind that I am very, very gay.
Gayer than a Victorian lady on a picnic.
This has not always been the case.
There’s a concept known as “passing privilege” – it’s when a member of a disadvantaged or marginalized group “passes” as one of the dominant majority, and uses this protective camouflage to conceal themselves. This can be a problem – it’s one of the many reasons that bisexual erasure’s a thing – but it can be a distinct advantage. It can save lives.
I worked in concrete for a number of years. Unsurprisingly, construction sites are a super-butch environment. On the job, I had to completely bury myself – erase my identity, be one of the boys. I had to pretend to like beer, boobs, and ballgames, and try to out-macho any cocksucker I came across.
I wasn’t very good at it. I gave it my best shot – I swaggered, I swore, I studied straight boys in the wild, and aped their behavior to no avail. Something would always give me away – I wouldn’t notice the hot chick walking by, or I’d use the wrong word – something like lavender or splendid. I’d forget details about my made-up girlfriend. In short, I was back in the closet at work, and no one was even fooled. I like to think they appreciated the effort.
Why would I do something like that – why would I try to pass as straight? Safety. Straight guys – straight-acting guys – don’t get killed in the men’s room for, um, being in the men’s room. Straight guys don’t have to constantly analyze their speech, their unconscious manners and mannerisms, to try to figure out why that dude is sneering and oh god he’s coming over and -
There are all different sorts of passing, though, and most confer a certain security – we just can’t all attain that imagined ideal.
Well, one *does* want a hint of color.
I, for one, am glad I can’t pass. I spent far too long making far too much effort to fail at something I’m not particularly interested in. I’d far rather be exactly who I am, at all times, and if anybody tries anything, whip out my inner irate duchess.
My battle face, Gentlefolk.
No, I don’t pass, Gentle Reader – and I don’t want to.
Tagged: Bisexual Erasure, Gay Men, Gay Pride, Gender Non-Conforming, LGBT, LGBTQIA, Passing Privilege, Pride, Queer Passing, Queer Pride, QUILTBAG, Straight-Acting Guys
June 22, 2014
Poetic Interlude LXIII
I don’t normally post videos for the Poetic Interlude, Gentle Reader, but this piece demands to be heard. In continuation of our Pride Month festivities -
-I present Ivan Coyote and Rae Spoon.
Tagged: Gender Failure, Ivan Coyote, Language, LGBT Poetry, Queer Poems, QUILTBAG Poetry, Rae Spoon, Trans* Poetry
June 20, 2014
Post the Sixty-Fifth: In Which We Think Of The Children
Time and again, Gentle Reader, a tired old line is trotted out to object to LGBTQIA relationships and lives.
Bingo.
It’s usually trotted out right before or right after something outrageously offensive or ridiculous, like “How will I explain gay people to my kids?”
This is how. You’re welcome.
Basically, they think that acknowledging the existence of LGBTQIA individuals will destroy their child’s innocence. Does the constant exposure to heteronormative relationships make a child straight? Please.
STOP FLAUNTING YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY
Most of these arguments are safely battled out by talking heads in the media, or else over holiday meals with elderly relatives. What people forget, when they invoke the spectre of the children -
Did someone say Spectre?
- is that children can hear what you’re saying, and they can be harmed by what you’re saying. Just think – either you’re teaching your child to fear anyone who isn’t exactly like them, or, if your child is part of the LGBTQIA family, you’re teaching them to hate themselves.
“No child of mine could possibly be one of those filthy queers!” I hear you angrily froth in my mind. You have no way of knowing that. That’s not up to you – if you have an LGBT child, you had better change your tune.
What if your child is queer, and closeted, and they hear you spouting your hateful claptrap? Do you have any idea what kind of a childhood that is?
You’re the reason that 40% of homeless youth are LGBT, even though we’re only 5-10% of the general population. You’re the reason that queer teens kill themselves! And you have the gall to tell me you’re concerned about the children?
*ahem*
You’re the reason that kids are terrified to come out.
You’re the reason that kids lie to themselves and everyone around them, thinking that something terrible is wrong with them that they can’t fix no matter what they do.
You’re the reason that queer parents across this country can’t offer the same protections to their families that you have.
You’re the reason that straight kids feel like that can bully queer kids and gay bash. THEY THINK THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH IT, THEY THINK THAT THEY’RE DEFENDING MORALITY, BECAUSE YOU’VE TAUGHT THEM TO FEAR AND HATE QUEER PEOPLE.
Don’t you dare tell me you’re concerned about the welfare of the children.
Tagged: Homeless Queer Youth, LGBT, LGBTQIA, Pride Month, Queer Anger, QUILTBAG, Won't Somebody Think of the Children
June 18, 2014
Post the Sixty-Fourth: The Gay Nineties
Oh, Gentle Reader – do you remember the ’90′s? They were great – no, really!
They were! – especially when it comes to advances in the way the LGBTQIA* Gay and Lesbian community was viewed. Who can forget the hilarious jokes that we finally felt comfortable making – for instance, about the Gay Agenda?
I cannot POSSIBLY track down the original source for this. It’s been floating around the Internet since the ’90′s.
Everyone knows that you take your long, relaxing brunch AFTER the political shenanigans. Please, honey.
Speaking of mincing about using feminizing pet-names, what about Will and Grace? A show focusing on typical homosexual life? Strictly within the quarantined confines of New York City.
Remember the cross-over episode with Sex and the City?
Not to mention that time that Ellen DeGeneres came out of the closet on television in 1997, causing all sorts of controversy.
What else caused all sorts of controversy, Gentle Reader? Why, the growing number of states decriminalizing homosexual acts. That’s right! Whereas now we’re watching states light up with the right to marry a partner of the same sex, in those days, we were watching states decide whether or not we should go to jail for not being celibate! Fun Fact: There were 14 states that didn’t decriminalize until 2003, when Lawrence v. Texas made it all the way to the Supreme court. But that’s a little outside our purview; in the ’90′s, you could still go to jail in the Land of the Free for making sweet, sweet, love to your sweetie.
But it wasn’t all bad news for the gays! Our smooth-jazz playing president, Mr. Bill Clinton, signed what was considered an extremely progressive bill into law! Can you guess what bill that was, children?
That’s right! Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell! It was widely hailed as a victory, at the time, because before that you were dishonorably discharged when they found out you were gay, regardless of how discrete or butch you’d been. Under DADT, you were officially allowed to be gay! You just couldn’t talk about it. Progress.
In the Nineties, straight people realized that AIDS wasn’t strictly a gay problem.In the Nineties, work began on the AIDS quilt.
In the Nineties, radical queers reclaimed the word queer, and tried very hard to reclaim “F*ggot” and “D*ke” as well†.
In the Nineties, Matthew Shepard was killed. Eventually, this would result in federal hate-crime legislation protecting gays and lesbians, but not until 2009. His death also resulted in The Laramie Project, which continues to raise awareness and fight hate crimes all over the U. S.
All of this, Gentle Reader? The tip of the iceberg. The ’90′s weren’t so very long ago. We’ve come a long way – and when we look back at the decade, we laugh! We thought we’d made such progress back then - I can only hope we’ll have made as much progress two decades from now, and can look back and laugh at the teens.
*********
*Nope, not QUILTBAG‡, not LGBTQIA‡, rarely even LGBT‡ until the end of the decade. Those things happened later.
†Is this problematic? We all know what words I’m using, despite the asterisks. Shit. I’m trying? I don’t think they were successfully reclaimed, and even if they were, I’d have no right to use the D-word. Sorry, Lesbian Friends.
‡Also, I told a fib. All three of those and more were in use by at least ’96, as near as I can pin it. The first two still aren’t in especially wide usage, though, so I’m counting it.
Tagged: DADT, Decriminalizing Homosexuality, Don't ask don't tell, Hate Crime Legislation, I Love The Nineties, Lawrence V. Texas, LGBT History, LGBTQIA History, Matthew Shepard, Queer History, QUILTBAG history, The '90's, The Gay '90's, The Gay Nineties, The Homosexual Agenda, The Laramie Project, The Nineties, Will and Grace
June 16, 2014
Post the Sixty-Third: We’re Here, We’re Queer, and No One Cares: Why LGBTQIA Visibility Still Matters
Note: This originally aired in late February, in response to Michael Sam’s coming out. Having revised this piece several times, this is the version I’m most comfortable with. Enjoy.
Over the last week, articles, interviews, and sound bites having been flying fast, loudly wondering why anyone should care when a celebrity comes out of the closet. Coming out is over, right? I mean, marriage equality across the country is a matter of time, QUILTBAG people are everywhere, and everyone’s used to it. Sure, there are little pockets of resistance here and there, but in America, we’ve mostly moved on – it’s the twenty-first century, after all! Get over it!
The first openly gay NFL hopeful risking his career isn’t news? If you think the players and coaches are shrugging over this, you haven’t been paying attention. You don’t see how it matters that an actress publicly admits to what amounts to an open secret? There’s hardly any risk in Liberal Hollywood – why does it matter? They’re the same as everyone else; it’s not news.
I will not get over it, and I will not go away. I am not the same as you, and I won’t pretend to be. This angry queer will not be shoved into a closet of comfortable conformity again. Do you know what all this “same” crap says to me? “I don’t mind if you’re gay, so long as you don’t act like it.” I spent enough time not acting like it when I shoved myself back into the closet to work construction, and it’s bullshit. I’ll take equality, but I do not need to behave the way you do to deserve it. You do not have to be the same to be equal. That’s just basic math.
At the risk of alienating any allies reading this, I don’t want tolerance, I want acceptance, everywhere, not just the ghettos and gayborhoods. I don’t have to flaunt my queerness, but damn it, if I want to I should be able to. The more Mom and Pop Ohio have queer faces shoved in theirs, the more used to it they’ll get; the more used to it they get, the less likely they’ll be to spit on their son, their cousin, their neighbor, a stranger. These things haven’t stopped being true, just because there’s a celebrity coming-out story every week. It hasn’t stopped changing the country, just because it’s not the most exciting headline. It’s still essential work. As much as it might feel passé in this day and age, the fight isn’t over. Until the very act of being visibly queer isn’t an act of defiance in itself, until a simple scarf or hairstyle isn’t subversive, there will be a need for LGBT visibility – everywhere, all the time, not just during Pride.
Each of these coming out stories is a triumph, impossible just ten years ago, but I’d argue that there aren’t enough of them, that they don’t go far enough. Almost all out celebrities toe a heteronormative line – with broad strokes of equality and victory, the QUILTBAG community has been whitewashed, except during Pride. It gets better? For whom, precisely? For those of us neatly paired off, bow tie to bow tie and pearl to pearl? If we don’t fit that neat little pattern planned by the Mattachine society all those years ago, are we still accepted, still safe? Don’t be naïve.
Alright, I’ll admit, it is better than it used to be, but it’s important that celebrities keep coming out, especially in new spaces, new venues traditionally denied to us, to ensure that it keeps getting better. Even if you’re femme or confused or still trying to figure out your identity or not neatly defined – but you have to work to make it better; it doesn’t magically get that way on its own. We need to be seen having careers, living all sorts of varied lives, to exist at all outside of our safely queer enclaves. Seeing yourself represented in the world around you is essential to accepting yourself, to coming to terms with the fact that you’re not just like everyone else, that you never will be, and that you will have to cope with that for the rest of your life. Seeing that you’re not alone, when you feel like a unique specimen – the only freak of nature in a hundred miles – it continues to be important, internet communities aside. We still need to come out of the closets and into the streets, and we always will, even if we’re straight-acting or can pass – not everyone can, and we have to stand up for each other, because despite the strides we’ve made, there’s an overwhelming ocean left out there that doesn’t draw those subtle distinctions.
There will be a need to be out, to be in public and enraged, as long as an assumption of heterosexuality, of being cisgender is the norm. As long as those are the default expectations, there will be a need for celebrities to come out; there will be a need for individuals to come out, to be seen, unashamed. Even in that far-off distant day, we should have the option to be highly visible, to be represented on the world stage. We’re not going away, and we’re not shutting up.
In a way, I’m glad of this dismissive attitude that seems so widespread. It’s meant to show that the LGBT community has arrived, that we’re fully integrated. It’s meant to show that we no longer have anything to fear, or worry about, or that any separate concerns we might have about our tenuous position in society are relevant. After all, we’re free to marry in a rapidly increasing number of states, and our straight allies generously assert that we’re the same as them. What more could we ask for? The right to continue to be seen and heard seems like a good place to start.
Tagged: Angry Queer Voices, LGBT, LGBT Visibility, LGBT Youth, LGBTQIA, Pride, Queer, Queer Visibility, QUILTBAG, Rants
June 15, 2014
Poetic Interlude LXII
Gentle Reader, today’s featured poet is Audre Lorde*, in our continuing celebration of queer poetry for Pride Month 2014.
Love Poem
Speak earth and bless me with what is richest
make sky flow honey out of my hips
rigis mountains
spread over a valley
carved out by the mouth of rain.
And I knew when I entered her I was
high wind in her forests hollow
fingers whispering sound
honey flowed
from the split cup
impaled on a lance of tongues
on the tips of her breasts on her navel
and my breath
howling into her entrances
through lungs of pain.
Greedy as herring-gulls
or a child
I swing out over the earth
over and over
again.
*********
Audre Lorde described herself as “black, lesbian, mother, warrior, poet,” and was a celebrated activist for the bulk of her life. She never stopped fighting for her own rights and for others, and I am entirely certain that I cannot do her justice. Go. Look her up. She’s an amazing woman.
Tagged: Audre Lorde, LGBT, Poetic Interludes, Poetry, Queer Poetry, Queer Poets, QUILTBAG Poetry
