Stephanie Baumgartner's Blog, page 3

I Think We’ve All Been a Little Hard On Anna…

Okay, I’m totally on board the ‘Frozen’ bandwagon. I’m also a total KristAnna shipper. I just want to put that out there before I venture any further in this article.

I’ve seen a lot of people (including Elsa) mock Anna’s impetuous and ill-fated decision to “marry a man she just met.” Maybe I’m overly-optimistic, or maybe I’m partial to Anna because I could see a lot of myself in her, but I don’t think it’s fair to mock her for falling for Hans so quickly:

“Anna should have been wiser.”

“Anna should have gotten to know him better.”

“Anna shouldn’t have wanted to fall in love so quickly.”

I’m sorry, but when I first watched the movie, my first thought wasn’t “Anna is being too impulsive!” No. My first thought upon meeting charming, deceptive Hans was “I know that guy.”

Been there, girlfriend.

No, I’ve never fallen in love with a prince, and no, I never had a guy plot my death so he could inherit my kingdom. I have, however, experienced being too emotionally invested in a relationship only to have my heart ripped out at the end. Like Anna, I only ever wanted to discover my true love and be one-half of a whole great romance.

Falling in love and marrying “the perfect guy” after knowing him a day doesn’t usually make for an interesting story in the fictional realm (though, ironically, it does in real-life because of the risks involved). Moving so hastily is looked down upon and especially unwise this day and age. It’s not like it used to be when my grandmother was growing up, where boys feared their girlfriend’s father and brothers, therefore honored boundaries and treated their sweetheart with respect (generally, of course). Let’s be honest: marrying the first person you ever dated wouldn’t be a bad thing if people could be relied upon to be good.

Imagine knowing beyond any doubt that this man you met after a day had truly fallen for you. Imagine knowing his intentions were sincere and honorable. Imagine knowing that it didn’t matter what lay ahead or how the two of you might change from that day forward, because you have always been committed to getting through it. That’s the stereotypical fairytale love so many ridicule and doubt the existence of.

Some people–fictional princesses, a handful of fortunate real-life people–are lucky enough to find a lifelong stable relationship on the very first try. The rest of us have to navigate through a flurry of Hanses and Kristoffs that aren’t meant to be ours first. Some of us have to carry our broken pieces alone until we find someone who is willing to ride his reindeer at full-speed to give us a life-changing kiss.

So don’t beat yourself up, Anna, for falling in love so quickly. There is nothing wrong with you; you are exactly who you’re supposed to be. It was Hans who wasn’t who he was supposed to be. It was Hans who pretended to be everything you ever dreamed of just so he could manipulate you to meet his own ends. Just don’t make the mistake of thinking all guys are the same, and don’t fail to notice the fixer-upper you keep comfortably in the friendzone.

Ok, so that doesn’t apply to everyone, but you get my point. Your very own Kristoff is out there. Don’t give up, and never let anyone make you ashamed of your innocent, open, loving heart.

Are You Drowning?

This is kind of a different post than what I usually go for, but God laid this on my heart and I felt I had to write about it, so I did.

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I have been thinking a lot about some things and God has really been convicting my heart with some hard truths lately. We all have sin in our lives, everyday, (and if you say you don’t, I’m sorry, but you’re in denial). We use excuses like “That’s just who I am; that’s just what I do.”

 

But the truth is, whatever it is you are saying that about, you are making that particular thing a god in your life. And by saying, “It can’t be changed,” you are saying that God doesn’t have the ability to change that area of your life. We imagine worship or serving another god as chanting chants, presenting offerings to items made out of gold—but that’s not always what serving an idol is.

 

Sometimes, an idol is a part of yourself you refuse to let go of.

 

Sometimes, an idol is clinging to the lingering effects of something that was done to you.

 

Sometimes, an idol is something you have, whether that be material objects, an illness, or even another person—perhaps even yourself.

 

Sometimes, it’s not blood or objects that are sacrificed to an idol. Sometimes, you serve an idol by sacrificing time with someone who loves you. Sometimes, you serve an idol by refusing to stop something that is bad for you, or bad for someone you love. Sometimes, serving an idol is you making excuses for your behavior to avoid accountability.

Dreamstime

You know what your idol is. You are thinking of it right now, either acknowledging what it is, or rationalizing why what you’re doing is okay. By doing that, you aren’t serving The Lord—Yahweh, the God of David, the God of Paul. You’re serving another god.

 

Let that sink in for a moment: You are serving another god.

 

It’s not about choosing how something may be perceived by others as right or wrong; it’s not about discerning what’s easiest and what’s most difficult to change; it’s not about what you are capable of and what you aren’t capable of; it’s about looking at your options and choosing the one that will GLORIFY GOD THE MOST, even if no one else is meant to notice. It’s as simple as that.

 

I’m not specifically calling anyone out, here. I have had so many people tell me—ME, of all people!—that, they look at me and think I have it “all together”. I don’t; I have some very, very sick places in my heart that require a medicine only Jesus can offer. I struggle everyday, and sometimes I am filled with so much shame and disappointment in myself that I pray and hope God sees something I don’t. So know this is not coming from a place of judgment toward anyone. As far as I am concerned, we are all in this together, seeking and serving a God who has the power to break the chains that bind us to our sin, if we will only acknowledge it.

Playlists and New Character Bios!

I wanted to share my playlists for those of you who are enjoying Sophia’s story, as well as introduce some new characters on my Character Bio page! Check them out!

Sophia’s War Playlist

Your Next Favorite Book Characters: Sophia’s War

Why You Should Read Sophia’s War

Fur-baby, New baby and Family.

The first picture I ever saw of Lucy.

You came to us as a helpless, roly-poly ball of fur.

Someone had left you in a ditch on the side of the road. You weighed just a pound; hadn’t even reached the age of being weaned yet. A kind person spotted you and took you to a lady who rescued strays like you. That nice lady heard through an acquaintance that I was looking for a puppy, and once you were old enough, you were brought from New Jersey to Florida to become mine.

You came to us only months into our marriage, which made us a perfect fit, because you were also getting a new beginning. You were such a fragile, dainty, beautiful little puppy (and still are), and we wondered how anyone could have just abandoned you; how anyone could have set you down, knowing it was a death sentence for a dog as tiny as you.

One of Lucy’s first pictures with us.

We bonded over you, fawning over how you couldn’t sleep unless you were nuzzled up with one of us. You followed me around wherever I went in our small, one-bedroom apartment, your little toy body tumbling over your clumsy legs. We laughed at the way you growled at your squeaky toys, rolling over and kicking them with your back feet. You hated being alone in your crate at night, and it wasn’t long before we decided it was okay to let you sleep on our bed with us. It calmed you, and though you loved both of us, you became especially attached to me. If I slept in, you stayed by my side under the covers, and if I got up early for work, you’d get up, too, keeping me company on lonely mornings. You were the first to teach us mutual responsibility for a being who was fully dependent on us.

We moved across the country for new opportunities, and even when we had to move in with relatives, you came with us, because you were a part of our family.

You were so loving and intelligent, eager to meet new people (and new dogs). Old ladies at the park wanted a chance to pet you and gush over you and your permanent puppy-like appearance. Little kids would stop their parents and ask for permission to pet you on the sidewalk. We were proud of how sweet and darling you were, telling them your story and how blessed we were to be the owners to such an amiable little dog. You were my baby—my fur-baby—spoiled and treated like the princess of a lapdog that you were.

Lucy :)

One of my many monthly pregnancy photos, where Lucy was always a guest star :)

When I got pregnant, we read all the books and heard all the warnings that everything was about to change; not just for us, but for you, too. With either strong-willed optimism or ignorant naïveté, I didn’t see how things would change all that much for you. You’d been my only baby for years. I couldn’t fathom that anyone, even my own child, could make me love you less. My heart was going to be big enough for the both of you.

But before the baby was even born, you began to act differently. Maybe you sensed the imminent change that lay ahead. You became nervous, yapping at every unusual and familiar sound. You became possessive of me, barking and charging at anyone who came near me. You began to panic when we left you alone, making messes while we were gone. It was frustrating, but we did what we could to bear with you, knowing these kinds of things were to be expected. We read about and implemented all the suggestions, preparing you for the day a new little person would be entering our home. You responded well, and despite the new quirks you were developing, we knew you were still a good-hearted little dog.

You were curious about her when we brought her home, your triangle ears against your head as you eagerly touched her with your cold, wet nose. We waited for any signs of aggression or jealousy, but you just wagged your tail, happily sharing the space in my lap with the new peculiar creature in my arms.

Lucy meeting our daughter for the first time.

If only life as new parents with an old dog were that easy.

The first few months of learning to be a mom was hard for me. I was tired—constantly. I spent my days trying to master the natural way to feed my baby, bawling in the floor while she slept because I was failing at it. I spent my nights trying to get her used to sleeping in a bassinet, frustrated that she kept waking up within minutes of me laying her down, debating whether it was worth even trying to sleep when I was just going to have to be up in an hour to feed her. Lack of sleep, lack of confidence in my capabilities, feeling overstretched in all of my roles—new and old—caused my patience to be thin.

Our sweet Lucy-Goosey.

So it’s not fair to say that you changed. Because the truth is, I changed, too.

The way you used to run to the door, greeting Daddy with joyous barks stopped being cute. We scolded you, afraid it would wake or scare the baby.

The way you used to nestle into my lap was no longer convenient, and I would push you away, getting up to care for the baby or simply because I just needed a moment to myself.

The way you used to follow me around was no longer endearing; you were just in the way, and I was either stepping on you and hurting you, or stumbling over you with an infant in my arms.

Your accidents on the floor were no longer just unfortunate. Spending the day in baby diapers and spit up made cleaning up your messes just one extra, unnecessary step in my soiled day.

I remember the first time the thought entered my mind, but I stifled it, thinking it was merely borne out of frustration. But the further into parenthood we explored, and the more you kept up your new, exasperating habits, I couldn’t deny it any longer. I remember holding you, your soft fur soaking up my tears as I began to wonder if giving you a new home would be best for both of us. Maybe I wasn’t paying you enough attention anymore. Maybe my heart wasn’t big enough after all, because every day, I was realizing my daughter was filling most of it. You still had a place, but it was different.

I felt so ashamed. I cried many times over the following months whenever I acknowledged this thought I never dreamed I’d have. Somedays, after working a full shift and coming home to my other full-time job as a mother, it would have been easier to come home without a mess to clean; it would have been easier not to worry about you jumping on the couch and walking over the baby; with my husband (or as he is called now, ‘Daddy’), and I working varying shifts, it would have been easier not to worry about your high-pitched barking waking one or all of us at any hour of the day; it would have been easier not to worry about people coming over and warning them not to touch you since you usually tinkled from the excitement. Somedays, it was just too much.

And yet, in spite of my perspective sometimes being clouded by feeling overwhelmed, in spite of the way I stopped viewing you as my baby and now just as the dog, in spite of the way I wondered if I should give up on you, giving up on me never crossed your mind.

Every time I pushed you away, you’d watch me from a distance, waiting for a better moment to try again. You’d crawl into my lap or curl up at my side again later, as if I wouldn’t notice. No matter where I went or what I was doing, you were happy to sit and wait as long as it meant you could be in the same room with me.

On the days I feel like I haven’t had a minute to myself—or the five minutes they say I’m supposed to spend with you to keep you from getting jealous of the baby—you approach me with no other expectation other than my company. All you expect from me is a lap to curl up in and a couple strokes on the head. There are days when I fail God, when I fail my husband, when I fail my daughter…

There are even days when I fail you…

But just like them, you still show me unconditional love. You still love me, even on the days I don’t deserve it.

No, you aren’t the perfect dog.

But I’m not perfect, either. In fact, these days, I feel like a hopeless, anxious mess more than anything else.

I guess that’s what makes the two of us a perfect pair. I guess it’s also proof that I need you as much as you need me. There are days I look forward to—no, need—an eager cuddle from my understanding, patient dog. There are days I need to cry but don’t want to talk about why, and you’re okay with that. There are days that I’m glad you bark at everything, because despite your itty-bitty size, it makes me feel safe.

I don’t want to be like the person who left you on the side of the road as a defenseless little puppy. I got to be your second chance. You became a part of our newly formed family, and being a part of a family means having people who don’t give up on you.

So we won’t give up on each other. We will forgive the day’s mistakes and be grateful for moments of quiet companionship that only a master and his or her dog understands.

Thank you for being my sweet Lucy.

Lucy waiting while surrounded by a bunch of baby toys…as she usually is, these days. :)

A recent picture of Lucy and our little girl.

Letters to My Daughter: On Your Dreams and Never Giving Up

I have been curious and eager since the day you were born to see what you will become. I can’t wait to see what that one thing is that will make your eyes light up when you talk about it; that one thing that you will spend hours that feel like minutes perfecting and exploring; that one thing that you can’t wait to share with other people. Right now, that thing is food, being read to, watching Toy Story, drawing with crayons and waking up from naptime, but someday, it will be something much more; something that will become part of your identity. Maybe you’ll be a songwriter, writing songs with profound lyrics or catchy choruses. Maybe you’ll pick up an instrument, getting lost in the tones you can create with your fingertips, creating a beautiful outlet for all the things that make you happy and all the things that make you sad. Maybe you’ll find a sport you enjoy, constantly carrying a ball or a tool of the sport with you so you can practice in every spare minute you have, dreaming of representing the US in the Olympics someday.

I watch you all the time, waiting, knowing someday you’re going to stumble across something that makes you feel alive, that gives you so much joy that you can’t wait to share it with us—Mommy and Daddy—and when you’re ready, with the rest of the world. I can’t wait to tell you how proud I am of you and how dedicated you are, no matter the initial quality of your attempts, because I know it’s just a matter of time before someone tells you that you aren’t good enough.

Daddy and I are not going to be the type of parents who won’t give you structure out of fear that it will “inhibit your creativity.” I had Granddad and Granny for parents, both of whom are proud Marines to the core. I had a structured, sometimes strict upbringing and I’m the most creative person in the family. Daddy and I also do not believe in showering only praise and omitting constructive criticism; this would create an elevated sense of accomplishment in you, distort your self-perception and make taking judgment on your abilities nearly impossible. We believe in honesty; granting applause when it’s due as well as making suggestions for improvement, when applicable.

My ventures (individually) as a singer and a writer haven’t been easy. They’ve been exciting, given me focus, given me joy and ways to serve God, but it’s not always been rainbows and unicorns along the way. I’ve had some hard truths spoken to me over the years, from people who are much more knowledgable and wiser than I am. I’ve been given insincere compliments that meant well, but wound up doing more damage than helping in the end. I’ve also had some cruel things said about myself and my abilities from people who didn’t know better at all.

Regardless of what your heart someday chooses to pursue, I want you to know that I’ve been there, too, and here is what I will tell you.

Strive to Be Your Best, But Don’t Expect to Be The Best.

One of the most difficult things for a person to reconcile with is being told by someone who loves you that you are the very best at what you do, then losing a competition—sometimes not even placing. You expect what Mommy and Daddy speaks to be truth, so if we convince you that no one is better at something than you, you may assume you were somehow judged unfairly. It could give you the impression that you are superior to another person (or people) and this can generate resentment and jealousy, neither of which are ever a good thing. It’s not a bad thing for you to know that we think you’re the best; what’s bad is if we make you believe everyone else should think so, too.

Don’t Do It to Be Famous; Do It Because It’s What You Love to Do.

Looking back on my life, one of the most destructive things ever spoken to me was, “Well, you could be famous already if you wanted it bad enough.” Imagine giving something everything you’ve got and hearing this. It should never be about fame; what a superficial, meaningless goal to have. Saying that to someone is the same as saying, “Your best wasn’t good enough, because it’s not making you famous.” It shifts your focus from using your talents to help others and serve God to prestige for yourself; it stops being about the joy derived from doing something you love and becomes about who knows your name and who thinks you’re great. If someone someday wants to pay you to do the thing you love, awesome. That is fantastic! But sometimes, it’s not in God’s plan for you to make money that way. Maybe it’s just something to help you cope with life; something for you and those you love to enjoy.

It’s Not Always Your Talent That Will Make You a Success; It’s Your Level of Dedication.

Some people have an inherent skill that it seems like they don’t even have to work for—they were just born with it. They win talent shows, outshine everyone else on a stage, win championships and competitions just by showing up. They may sometimes be awarded less than first place, but not often, simply because they are just naturally gifted at what they do.

And then there are some people who have a smaller degree of talent—but talent, nonetheless—and a surplus of persistence and commitment. It doesn’t matter to people like this if they’re the best or not; they just love what they do. Placing fourth is like placing first to them, and if they don’t place at all, it’s an experience they learn from that makes them even better next time. They don’t view people who rank higher as a threat and don’t believe they’ve been unfairly judged. These people persevere because they are the best at what they do in a quiet, less celebrated way. They don’t give up, even when it feels like no one notices them.

Whether you have intrinsic talent or insurmountable dedication, (some people are even blessed with both) one is not preferable over another, and one is definitely not better than the other. How incredibly blessed you are if it comes innately, but what an inspiration you are if you never give up.

Be Discerning and Humble; Learn from People Who Offer Valuable Constructive Criticisms, But Don’t Let People Who Have Nothing Kind to Say Devalue You.

Some people have your best interests at heart. They can see your dedication and potential, but they can also see fixable things you can tweak to improve the quality of your work. They don’t make suggestions to hurt your feelings; they aren’t viewing your flaws as irrevocable failures, they see them as areas of growth. That’s a great compliment when someone offers you constructive criticism, because that means they believe in you; they believe in your ability to get even better at what you do. It takes a lot of humility to say, “Yes, I see what you’re saying. I will work on improving that.” Humility is a rare and under-appreciated trait that makes you a lot more approachable and a more likable person. The more humble you are, the more people are going to want to help you and see you succeed.

However, you must be perceptive. Not everyone has your best interests at heart; some people—whether jealous of you as a person or jealous of your skill and dedication—want to see you fail. Yes, it can be infuriating, and words spoken from such people can cause you to doubt yourself. But you also have to realize that the majority of those people aren’t genuinely speaking out of a malicious heart; most are simply misguided. You have to understand that, perhaps they never had anyone believe in them like someone believes in you. Maybe they’ve been torn down more than they’ve been encouraged. Maybe no one has ever told them that they have what it takes. It doesn’t justify their cruel words, but it can help you empathize with them. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to be the first person to ever build that person up and give them hope, in spite of how harsh they were to you.

Either way, know which words to take to heart, which ones to forgive and forget, and know when you are speaking to a troll.

Know the Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance.

Getting on a stage is confidence; thinking everyone else should go home because you’ve already won is arrogance. Taking a chance on kicking the winning goal because you know you can make it is confidence; thinking the team won because of you is arrogance. Be appreciative of the efforts of others, and realize how much work they’ve put into their abilities, as well.

Don’t Disregard People Who Are Not Experts.

It’s easy to hear something you don’t want to hear, then discount it by saying, “Well, they don’t know what they’re talking about.” Sometimes, that is very true. However, depending on what your passion is, it’s not always the “experts” who are going to be watching you. As a writer, sure I read up on advice in the industry and learn from fellow writers and editors, but I also need to be intuitive to the preferences of my readers, because besides myself, my readers are the ones I need to make happy.

Sometimes, Even When You Are the Best, You’re Still Going to Lose.

Honestly, this may be one of the hardest lessons to learn. This could also be the most difficult instance to implement humility, even over being told that there’s something on which you need to improve. Sometimes, people with less talent and/or dedication are going to be the first choice of a judge or a crowd over you. It doesn’t necessarily mean anyone is wrong; perhaps it was the judge or crowd’s perception. It also doesn’t always mean that it was an honest victory. The only consolation I have found in occasions like this is, if you really were the best, you will not be the only one who noticed the undeserved loss. Others will have noticed, too, and most of them will tell you so. Most of the time, though, there’s nothing that can be done to change this. All you can take from it is the lesson in humility and be happy for the person who won.

No Matter What, Mommy and Daddy Will Always Be Your Biggest Cheerleaders.

It won’t matter if you hit a sour note, missed the winning game ball, forgot your lines in a play, fell on your face in the middle of a dance or in a gymnastics competition. We will always be proud of you because you tried; because you put yourself out there to be judged when there are so many people who are too scared to do that. We will be proud of you because you are doing what makes you happy; because you inspire others by doing your best. No mortifying mistake would ever make us embarrassed of you or love you less.

It will only mean you’re human.

Start Sophia’s War for Free Today!

Like historical fiction? Like stories that take place during World War II?

Like a little romance?

Like a little suspense and danger?

Like characters you can’t stop thinking about long after you’ve finished reading?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might enjoy my series, Sophia’s War! From now (2-16-2014) until Thursday (2-20-2014), Sophia’s War: The End of Innocence (#1) is available to download for free on Amazon! FOR FREE! Check it out! All I kindly ask in return is for you to leave me a review on either Amazon, GoodReads, or both!

Want to meet the characters in Sophia’s War first?

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Sophia's War: The End of Innocence

A Special Valentine’s Day Post For My Single Friends

As an author—and a romantic—one of my favorite things to write about is love. I love taking two characters and watching them interact, watching the foreshadowing of things to come between them. Sometimes they fall quickly and passionately in love, knowing the instant they see one another that they’re meant to be together. Other times, they fall in love slowly and cautiously, holding back out of circumstances or fear, until barriers are broken and they find themselves in each other’s arms at last.

iStockphoto

Being an author has given me more than just a passion to pursue and an aspiration for a career. As a Christian, it has given me insight to the way I think God must view us. My methods of writing are what most consider to be an obstruction to creativity. I write out timelines and outlines before starting a novel. I know exactly what is going to happen from beginning to end before I even pen the first word. I do an extensive 20-60 page interview with all of my integral characters before I begin writing them. By doing this, I know everything there is to know about who they are, from the trivial favorite color to their most guarded, darkest secrets that sometimes, even my readers never discover.

Putting these characters into the prearranged storyline is like stitching two bright new colors of string in an already completed cross-stitch pattern. I get so much joy seeing their lives materialize the way I see them in my head. Writing well—constructing not only a great story but weaving in an alluring romance—will cause readers to gain an interest in me as an author and seek more of my work in the future.

It is the same way with God.

Single or married, right now, He is writing your romance; He is writing the story of your life. Before you were even born, he already knew every single detail about you, from your favorite color to the secrets that haunt you. He delights in watching the story He crafted transpire; He wants you to see that it points back to Him, to show that the Great Creator has gone to painstaking efforts to shape every aspect of your life for a grand purpose.

Don’t feel sad or miserable this Valentine’s Day, if you’re single for the first time in days or months or years. No matter the circumstances, He is writing your life story—a story conceived by Him to bring Him glory. There is even foreshadowing in your life; little hints He’s dropped along the way of things to come, showing that a great tale is being written by a great God.

Lightstock

Focus on that today. Don’t spend it gorging on pity chocolates and crying by yourself as you watch Noah and Allie smear vanilla ice cream on each others’ faces, or Elizabeth turning down Mr. Darcy’s proposal in the rain, or as Jack lets Rose “fly” on the deck of the Titanic. Spend time with God; that’s what this time is for:

“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” – 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

See? Every Christian couple is a delegator of their time—time spent with their husband or wife, and time spent with God. Your single years are the period of your life where God is setting up your story, developing you as a character—a character who knows and loves Him. This process is not the same as in a great romantic book or movie, though; you are not being prepared for an epic finale of a culminating romance. Your life is a bright string being added into a story that has already been planned out. Perhaps an element of your role will include a significant other character someday, but that is not the purpose of your existence…

God is. Spend today with the One who shaped your heart and spent time getting to know who you are before you were even born. Later, when you’re trying to divvy up time between God, a date night with your spouse and finding a baby sitter, you’ll wish you had used this time a little more wisely.

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If you like this blog post, check out my book series!

Free Book Promotion!

Just giving a heads-up! If you like Historical Fiction, the first book in my World War II series, Sophia’s War: The End of Innocence (#1) will be available to download for FREE February 16 – 20! Sophia’s War: Lies and Allies (#2) will be available for $.99 February 17 (the price will rise by $1 a day until reaching its original price of $4.99).

Thank you!

 

Sophia's War: The End of Innocence

Seven Deadlies Anonymous

I have a horrible habit when it comes to dieting. I am not one of those people who can eat the predetermined villainous foods in moderation. I just can’t. If I have a cheat day, it leads to me making exceptions for one more soda, one more bite of chocolate, one extra slice of pizza until I am so far off course that I don’t even bother to reset my sails:

“How’s the diet going, Steph?”

“Oh, you know. It’s not.”

I have done this and will probably continue to do this for the rest of my life. I am the type of person who can only succeed with dieting if I cut everything bad out without compromising for cravings or holidays. Just being honest.

I was pondering this the other day and discovered a commonality between my dieting failures and life as a Christian. Though all sin is sin in God’s eyes, we as individuals have different thresholds of strength depending on which variant of the Seven Deadly Sins we experience, whether it be lust, gluttony, greed, slothfulness, wrath, envy, or pride. Most of those words you probably skimmed over, but there was at least one that had you readjusting in your seat, wasn’t there?

Wasn’t there? Come on. We’re friends here.

Though I am certain I—as we all have—have struggled with all of these sins at certain points in life, this post is about what I believe is personally my biggest stumbling block—gluttony. My favorite foods are my favorites for a reason. I love soda. I love pizza. If I could drink and eat those every day for every meal and not gain weight, I would absolutely do it.

What I don’t realize in the moment I’m stuffing my “gob” with multiple slices of cheesy, pepperoni deliciousness (I learned that word from Disney’s Brave, by the way), I’m not only breaking my diet, but I’m actually sinning. I am killing two birds with one stone, here. Not only am I canceling out all the hard work I put into losing weight, but I’m not practicing self-control. I’m like a starving lion encountering an unsuspecting heard of impalas in the savanna. Sometimes, I eat so fast I don’t even taste it…

Seriously, though. I stop counting slices and just eat until I feel sick. Why is this wrong, you may ask? Currently, in our society, we have a battle going on between unattainable bodily perfection and unaccountable eating habits in the name of acceptance. Some people are skinny by nature or as a result of medical issues; some people are heavier by nature or as a result of medical issues…

And then some people, like me, are in complete denial and want to eat whatever they want without a side of guilt. That is what makes it wrong. You know who you are.

The bible says, in 2 Timothy (1:7) “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” To me, this is saying that my gluttonous inner lion is in stark contradiction to who I am in Christ. Put it in perspective this way; when I overindulge myself with those extra slices of pizza because I “just can’t help myself,” I am denying Christ, because He has already given me the ability to say no. This is evident in 1 Corinthians 10:13:

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

The question is not whether the temptation is there or not—the question is, “Are you going to fall for it? Are you going to imply to Jesus by your actions that He is not enough to make you turn away?”

It’s hard. I know. Even as I write this, I know there are going to be days ahead of me where I still yield to the want for an extra soda or a couple extra slices of pizza. But here’s the crazy, amazing, unfathomable thing about the future…

GOD HAS ALREADY FORGIVEN US FOR IT! Jesus has already paid the price for not only the sin of yesterday, but for tomorrow, too. When you fall off a bike, you do not have to re-learn how to ride a bike. You simply dust yourself off and get back on. Right? Following Jesus is essentially the same way; it’s not about how many times you fall, it’s about how many times you let Him help you up.

God is constant; God is consistent. We humans are not, but letting our ships go off course tomorrow is no excuse to let it continue in the wrong direction in the days that follow. The beauty of God is that He offers unwearied, unfailing love and forgiveness to us on both our bad days and good days. The beauty of humans is visible when we are willing to repent of our shortcomings, admit responsibility for the direction our ships are going and ask God to be the wind in our sails who redirects our route.

“It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out.” – Proverbs 25:2

That is one of my favorite bible verses. It can be painful to let go of sin, especially this day in age, where society lives by a mantra of “If it feels good, do it! If it’s not hurting anyone else, do it!” Often, it feels like we are basically holding our potential for living a God-filled life hostage unless God lays out the blueprints for the moment (or our entire lives) out before us. Proverbs 25:2 shows that it is okay to ask God, “Why?” but we must ask this while on the journey of seeking out His glory, not like a petulant child who won’t budge unless all of our questions are answered first.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t let yesterday’s sin be an excuse for tomorrow’s. Let yesterday’s forgiveness give you hope for tomorrow, and know that when you accepted Christ as your Savior, it was not under the condition that you would be perfect; on the contrary. It was an agreement to remain imperfect, but a promise to find your strength in Him when you can’t find it in yourself.

That, ultimately, is the greatest loss when falling to the temptation of any of the Seven Deadlies. Not so much that our ship has gone astray, but that we did not use the opportunity to bring glory to God.

New Book Release

I just released the third book in my series, Sophia’s War! Check it out here!

 

Sophia's War: Stalemate (Volume 3)