Michelle DeRusha's Blog, page 3

Arrive at the Ground at Your Feet

Recently, while I was enjoying a quiet summer evening on my back patio, I became aware of a low but persistent thrumming inside me, like a cicada’s relentless buzzing in the background of an otherwise still night. It was anxiety, I realized – not a paralyzing anxiety, but anxiety nonetheless.

I was unnerved, not so much by the anxiety itself, but rather, by the sudden awareness that this anxiety I felt is nearly always there, simmering just under the surface.

For most of us, the temptation w...

I Am Not a Brand

A few weeks ago a good friend admitted to me over lunch that for the last few years, whenever she read something I’d posted on Facebook, it had struck her as “a little off.” “I can’t explain it exactly,” she said. “I knew it was you, obviously, but at the same time it didn’t seem to be totally you.”

I cringed. After all, no one wants to be accused of inauthenticity. Yet it seemed that was exactly what my friend was implying. What I heard her say, in so many words, was that I was not quite th...

Why {and how} I’m Slowly Becoming a Digital Minimalist

It used to be that before I clipped Josie’s leash to her collar and walked out the front door, I made sure to slip my phone into the back pocket of my jeans. I took my phone with me on our afternoon walks, not so I could be reached in the case of an emergency, but so I could snap pictures along the way. I didn’t want to risk missing the perfect Instagram shot.

These days I leave my phone at home when I walk Josie. The habit began back in February, when I gave up all social media for Lent, an...

Church Doesn’t Always Have to Happen in a Church

I skipped church last Sunday. I wasn’t sick or out of town, and I didn’t have a scheduling conflict. I simply decided not to go. Instead, while the kids slept in, I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, slid on my running shoes and slipped out the front door. I jogged down the bike path with the sun warm on the back of my neck and the sound of birdsong in my ears.

Fifteen years ago, when I started attending church regularly again after a two-decade hiatus from both religion and faith, I could...

Anxious? Yeah, Me Too. {5 tips to help alleviate anxiety}

The afternoon unfurled ahead of me as quiet and uncluttered as a deserted country lane. Settling into the sofa, I opened a novel to the first page, eager to immerse myself in rest and relaxation.

Two minutes later, however, I realized I’d read the same paragraph three times without absorbing a single word. Distracted, I picked up my smartphone, scrolled through Facebook, then turned back to the book in my lap, only to repeat the same cycle five minutes later.

My body hummed with restless ener...

How to Live a Satisfying and Reverent Life

I recently came across an intriguing quote from the second century Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius, who asked, “You see how few things you have to do to live a satisfying and reverent life?”

The question got me thinking about what things I would consider necessary for such a life. And so, before I could overthink my answer, I grabbed a pen and jotted a list into my journal:

Spend time in nature.
Move my body.
Enjoy good food.
Read.
Do good work.
Love my people.
Pet my dog.

It’s a remarkably sh...

When Your What’s Next Is What’s Right Now

“So what’s next then?” he asked me, arms crossed, standing at the threshold of the conference room where I set up my laptop, notebook and file folders twice a week. I’d just told my boss about my recent decision to leave book publishing, and his question did not come as a surprise.

It was my answer that surprised him.

“This,” I said to my boss, nodding to my laptop and my file folders on the conference room table. “What I’m doing right now is what’s next.”

I could see surprise in his raised...

A Legacy of Generosity: In Memory of Rachel Held Evans

Bestselling author and speaker Rachel Held Evans died on May 4 after a short illness. She was only 37. I didn’t know Rachel well; I never met her in person. Nonetheless, she had a profound impact on my life, not only because she helped change the trajectory of my writing career, but also because as a questioner and a spiritual wrestler, Rachel was a kindred spirit. Though our spiritual journeys were very different, her story touched me deeply and resonated with me as someone who has struggled...

Why We Need to Feel Our Grief

“You’re going to feel some pressure,” the doctor murmured as he inserted the needle into my elbow. Turns out “some pressure” was the euphemism of the century. What I actually felt during the five-minute platelet injection was teeth-gritting, fist-clenched agony.

By the time the short procedure was over, hot tears were slipping down the sides of my face, along my hairline, over the edge of my jaw and down my neck, where they dripped one at a time, slowly and steadily like fluid in an IV bag,...

Why I’m Quitting Book Writing

I tried to think of softer, more sophisticated title for this post, but the fact is, I’m quitting book writing, and there’s really no other way to say it. Turns out, I wrote a book about the journey toward uncovering your true self, and along the way, I discovered my true self does not align well with my work. This is knowledge I think I’ve understood deep down for a long time, and yet, I’ve held on, clutching and grasping with all my might, unwilling and afraid to let go.

Until now.

The tru...