Michelle Graves's Blog, page 3

Chapter One of See How She Fights

Let me preface this by saying.... this has not been edited yet.  So, please forgive the lack of comma usage, or any weird grammatical stuff you may find!  Enjoy the first chapter!




CHAPTER ONE
 
 
            I awoke drenched in a cold sweat for what seemed the millionth time in the past month.  Every night I closed my eyes with the single hope of a restful night’s sleep only to be greeted with a foul phantom.  Xavier’s visage appeared each night bringing with it nightmares both old and new.  As I lay there, staring at the ceiling, I wondered if he were really dead.  I took a deep breath trying to clear away the remains of his latest taunt.  He couldn’t be real.  I killed him.    
            I looked over at Kennan, lying peacefully in the bed.  I pondered what I would tell him when I woke him up.  I had been trying to hide my nightmares from him for the past month and I knew he was beginning to suspect something was wrong. 
            I took in his face as he rested.  His eyelashes fanned out on his cheeks and his face relaxed as if there were nothing in the world to worry about.  A knot formed in my stomach.  I knew the moment I woke him up and told him everything would change. 
            I gritted my teeth together and tried not to be angry at the universe or whatever kept dragging me into this mess.  Selfishly I wanted things to remain the same.  I longed for my life with Kennan, our wedding, and even someday a family.  I wanted a future that did not include subterfuge, violence, and pain.
            If I were ever going to make that future a reality I had to stop hiding.  I swallowed down the lump and pulled up my big girl panties.  It was time to face the music and find out just what the universe wanted from me.  I couldn’t ignore the not so subtle hints of my nightmares any longer.  Stupid universe, always getting in the way.
            I nudged Kennan’s shoulder trying to wake him up which caused him to sprawl more, almost making me fall off of the bed.  One would think with a California King there would be plenty of room.  Not with his giant self.  Stupid Guardian.  Ugh, I needed coffee to deal with this.
            “Kennan, wake up.  I need to talk to you.”  I said, trying not to giggle as he pulled me against his body nuzzling my neck.
            “Woman, you better be waking me up for a good reason.  You know I don’t do mornings.”  he groused.  Kennan was an even worse morning person than I was.
            “First of all, it is eleven.  So stop grumbling.  Second, I really do need to talk to you.  It is kind of serious.”  As the words left my mouth Kennan’s body grew rigid.
            “What’s happened?”  he asked, fully alert.
            “So, I have sort of been having the nightmares again.  I don’t know why or what they mean, but I have a bad feeling Kennan.  I feel like something wicked this way comes, if you know what I mean.” 
            “How many Izzy?  How many have you had?”  his voice barely masked his anger.  Apparently my jokes were doing nothing to diffuse the situation. 
            “Three or four a week for the past two months.  Originally I thought it was just some sort of Post-Traumatic Stress disorder.  But they just kept coming.  Now I can’t seem to shake this gut wrenching feeling that everything is about to go to hell in a hand basket.  I’m not explaining it right.  Ugh.”  I threw myself back into the pillows exasperated.  Not only was my future about to get jacked but I couldn’t even properly explain what was going on. 
            “What happens in the dreams?  Is it more of what happened back at the lab and the Council?  More importantly, why in the hell didn’t you tell me Izzy?  I could have been helping you instead of wondering what was going on.  I was starting to think you didn’t want to marry me.”  He sat up in bed to stare down at me.  His wickedly tattooed body beckoned me.
            He still took my breath away.  His dark wavy hair was mussed from where he had slept and he had a shadow of growth on his jaw.  I loved when he left just a bit of scruff, it felt amazing against my skin.  I needed to get a hold of myself.  Serious topics needed to be discussed and here I was wanting to climb atop Kennan and ride him like some sort of rodeo bull.  I shook my head to clear the thoughts away and get back on track.
            “I didn’t want to worry you.  I know it was stupid so don’t give me that lecture.  I was just trying to deal with it on my own and not put you through my crazy again.  Besides, I was always aware that it was the dreaming this time.  Even the nightmares were like watered down versions of themselves.  Bah.  This sucks.  I just wanted to get married and have a wonderfully fluffy future with happy rainbows and a unicorn or two.  Is that too much to ask?  Instead I have to be the all powerful Seer, savior of the universe.  I thought that my superhero costume was finally retired.”  I said as I buried my face in the pillow allowing my self-pity to run rampant.
            “Unicorns don’t exist Izzy.  So that future is implausible.”  Kennan said as I glared at him for dashing my imaginary future.  “Izzy, you know you have to call Isadora, right?  There is a reason she gave you that number.  I am pretty sure this was it.” He continued on as if I weren’t giving him a withering glare.  I needed to start practicing these faces in the mirror.  I must be doing them wrong, they never seemed to produce the desired effect. 
            “But I don’t wanna.”  I whined gaining myself an annoyed look from Kennan.  “Fine, I realize I am being petulant.  I just thought that maybe, just maybe our lives would be normal now.  Besides, we have a life here Kennan.  What if she says we have to come back to Illinois?  As much as I would love to see Molly and Ian again, I really don’t want to leave here.  This is our home now.”  I was beginning to resign myself to my reality.  I needed to call her.  I just didn’t want to.  Besides, she had probably already seen everything that was coming. 
            “Call her.”  Kennan said, getting up from the bed.  He walked over to the dresser and grabbed his phone tossing it back at me, sparing me a hard glance before turning to leave the room.  I stared daggers at his back.  Okay, so they were probably more like toothpicks, I didn’t have the angry face down quite yet.  Why did I love his bossy Guardian self again?
            I stared down at the phone waiting for it to magically disappear.  I wanted to remain in my happy bubble of existence.  No matter if the bubble were a figment of my imagination or not.  I swallowed deeply resigning myself to my fate.  If I were being completely honest with myself, I knew it wasn’t over.  When we’d left the Council months ago, I’d had the feeling that it had all been the beginning of something more.  Why did I have to have such a heavy conscience?  I breathed in and out for good measure before finally pressing send on the phone.  It only rang once before Isadora answered.
            “What took you so long?”  Isadora asked smoothly.  She never ceased to creep me out with her all knowing self.  I hoped that I would not be that way when I was her age.  I had about a hundred and twenty years to worry about that yet.
            “I was practicing my repression and avoidance techniques.”  I said snarkily.
            “How did those work out for you last time my dear?”  She asked without a hint of emotion.
            “Fine, okay, I should have called sooner.  I get it.  Moving on.  The nightmares are back.  Which you obviously know since you are getting on me for not reaching out sooner.”  I said rubbing my hand down my face, a gesture I had picked up from Kennan.  He did it whenever he was exasperated, which I was becoming.
            “No need to be snippy young lady.  I did not, in fact, know about the nightmares.  I just knew that you were stressed about something.  I kept seeing you look fretful and upset.  I knew you needed to reach out but that you would do so in your own time.  So, here we are.  Tell me everything.”  She paused patiently, waiting for me to spill the beans.
            “The nightmares started up about two months ago.  I thought all was well and then out of nowhere they showed up again.  The common denominator in every last one is Xavier.  He shows up at the end telling me that it is not over.  He keeps telling me that there is more to come.  In this last one he told me ‘I was nothing compared to what is to come.’  Then I wake up and question my sanity.  I feel like something is coming.  Something bad.  I haven’t seen anything but I can’t deny what my gut is telling me.”  I finished hoping she understood the jumble I had just spit out.
            “Well, this is certainly no good.  Do you have any idea if he is still alive or not?” 
            “No.  That is the part that scares me the most.  I thought that he was finished.  I thought I had watched him die.  It wasn’t until I watched that surveillance video at the Council that I began to doubt it.  I am not sure what to believe where Xavier is concerned.” 
            “I have been seeing some things lately.  Things that are quite disturbing.  I really don’t want to discuss this over the phone.  Do you think that you and your dear Guardian might be persuaded to come back to the Council?  I really would like to clear this all up with you in person, my dear.”  Isadora might have posed it as a question but I knew that it was more an order than a request.  My fears brought to life, we were going back to Illinois.
            “Let me get things arranged with Kennan and I will call you when we are on our way.”  I grumbled, knowing good and well there was no use in fighting it. 
            “That would be lovely dear.  We will set up a room for you.  I expect to see you by week’s end.  Until then, stay safe.  Oh, and have Kennan block your dreams.  I need you well rested when you arrive.”  Isadora hung up the phone before I could even sputter a quick goodbye. 
            I sat there staring at the accursed thing.  In that brief conversation my whole future had shifted.  It looked like the wedding was on hold and my life was back to being a jumbled mess of chaos.  I yelled out and threw the phone on the bed.  I furiously put on my robe and headed downstairs.  I knew it was silly for me to be so upset, but ever since this Seer business started I’d felt like my life was not my own.  I thought that once we brought down Xavier all would be well.  I knew deep down that it wasn’t true but I had disillusioned myself for so long that I had started to believe the lie. 
            I looked in the kitchen and found Kennan cooking breakfast.  I walked up behind him, wrapping my arms as far around him as I could manage.  His butt hit my stomach and my face barely reached the middle of his back.   He was my anchor in this world of chaos.  I knew that I needed to start telling him when the bad stuff happened.  The last time I tried to do it on my own he had almost been killed.  I needed to suck it up and just admit that I had a role to play.  The life I longed to build had to be put to rest for the greater good, at least for the time being.  It didn’t mean I had to be happy about it though.  I buried my face in Kennan’s back and breathed in deeply. 
            “What did she say?”  His voice vibrated against my ear.
            “She says we have to be in Illinois by the end of the week.”  I sounded drawn, even to my own ears.
            “Well we need to make arrangements then.  After breakfast I will call some of the other Guardians and schedule a meeting.  If what you said earlier is right then we need to be prepared for whatever is coming.”
            “But Kennan,” I sighed into his back, “we have things here.  What about my garden?  It will die without me.”  He laughed and the vibration was a comfort to my weary soul.
            He turned around to look at me.  His eyes full of laughter.  “Izzy, your garden is already dead.  I think it will do better without your constant attention.  It is the brownest plot of land I have ever seen in my life.  In fact, I think the local nursery has put your picture up with a ban on any future purchases.  You are a plant murderer my love.” 
            I smacked his arm and moved over to pour myself a huge cup of coffee.  I needed liquid reinforcements.  I glared at him the entire time I fixed it.  Not that he was fazed.  He just went back to cooking and ignored my angry glances.
            “I am not that bad.”  I mumbled as I plopped down in my chair.
            “It doesn’t make me love you any less.  It just means that I will have to do all of the gardening when the end of the world comes.  Otherwise, we may starve.”  He snickered as he brought the bacon and eggs to the table.
            Some days I wondered why I loved him so much.  He really was a giant pain in my rear.  On top of that, he never let me get away with anything.  In all of my romance novels, the men fawned over their women giving them whatever they pleased.  Granted, I probably would not love him as much if he did that.
            I looked out the window at the brown plot of land in question.  Stupid garden.  It wasn’t even my fault.  I grew up in the city where there were no wide open spaces to grow things.  How was I supposed to have picked up that life skill?  I wasn’t hundreds of years old like Kennan, the ridiculous old man.
            We finished breakfast in companionable silence.   Kennan seemed to be trying to form a plan to protect me from my own stupidity while I was trying to form a plan to get out of my inevitable future.  Maybe I had a long lost twin out there that I could pawn the fate of the world off on.  After everything I had seen, it was highly plausible.

Life Lessons with Izzy: Patience

Patience.  It is not a virtue I embody, to be sure.  In fact, I tend to be the very opposite of patient pretty much always.  Yet, life came along and gave me one of the very best lessons in patience I ever could have asked for.  My daughter, the Squish.

Before Squish came along, I tended to rush through everything.  I wanted to get where I was going and be there.  I was unable to slow down and enjoy the ride as much as I should have been doing.  I wanted to know the outcome before I ever took the first steps.  In fact, if I could get to the end without going through the middle, I would. 

Then came Squish.  She is a unique soul that tends to take her time in whatever she is doing.  While some days I would like to speed her up and get her moving, I have learned to step back and watch as she takes in the world.  Recently she started Pre-K and we live close to her school, so we walk every morning.  I have learned to leave the house a little early each day so that she can stop and look at all of the amazing stuff that draws her attention each morning.

This morning, we stopped to marvel at a slug, which she had to touch to show me how it sucks its antennae into its head.  We also got to see and amazing spider web built from the branches of a tree all the way to the ground, some lawn gnomes, a caterpillar, and all sorts of other things.  She reminds me that there is more to life than the destination.  She has taught me to slow down and enjoy the journey.  Instead of rushing her through her life, I have learned to take a deep breath and do my very best to learn patience.

In Izzy's case, she knows that there are people around her who have seen the future.  Isadora, for instance, knows all that is coming her way.  (And since I write what I know.... Izzy is super impatient).  Izzy wants to know what Isadora does.  She wants to see what is coming her way, but Isadora, much like my Squish, is trying to teach Izzy a very important lesson.  Some things take time....

Excerpt:

“I am not at the luxury of doing what is best for the moment my dear, and neither are you.  We are the keepers of the future.  With that comes the gravest of responsibilities.  No matter how much we may want to change things to stop the hurt of the present we can’t.  We must suffer the pain of those around us to ensure that the intended future stays on course.”
“Well that just sucks.”  I said leaning back against the seat.  I was going to make a terrible leader.  Isadora handled it all with such grace and here I was moping.“Indeed.”  She said before sitting next to me.  “It sucks quite a lot.” 

See How She Fights (The Chronicles of Izzy #2)

xoxo,
Michelle

Life Lessons with Izzy: Future

The future.  It something I simultaneously anticipate and fear.  I have no idea where my life will take me, I have no idea where the road may lead me.  Yet, somewhere in my basic makeup, I always long to know of what is in store for my life. 

I look back on what my life has been thus far and realize I would not be where I am today had things happened differently.  I know for certain that every step I have taken in my life has led me to this moment, right now.  Had one thing happened differently I may never have written a book, married my husband, or had my wonderful daughter.  I think back on that and it makes me wonder about my future.  I wonder how the steps I am taking today will affect the life I lead ten years from now, or even twenty.  What will those days hold.

While, I don't have Izzy's talents, I do know that I can control today.  Tomorrow may be out of my grasp, but the actions I take today will lead me to tomorrow.  Whatever I do in my present has a direct effect on the outcome of my future.  So, though I wish I could look into my future and see what the days ahead hold, I am content to live all of my todays as brilliantly as I can. 

 Instead of worrying about what the tomorrows may hold, I am content to live my todays.  Looking to the future isn't a bad thing, but spending all of our time focused on what may come ruins what time we have now. Unfortunately, Izzy does not have the luxury of living only her todays.  She does have a glimpse at what her future may hold.  Both through the visions of others and her own.  She knows that if she doesn't stop what is happening in her present, the future will be abysmal. 


“How can you see me?”  I asked.  She was still very much alive.
“Because we are bound, you and I.  My past shall be your future unless you can fight what is coming.  Now go, before he sees you.”  Cait said pushing me out of the memory.  I was starting to get sick of people doing that to me.
(See How She Fights Excerpt)

xoxo,
Michelle

Blog Tour Info!!!!!

So, I am doing my very first ever blog tour.... I am both thrilled and terrified.  If you have been following along on my author page, you know it starts tomorrow!  Eeeeep!  At any rate.... The link below will take you straight to the schedule page with all of the information.  I hope you all follow along!

xoxo,
Michelle Graves

http://www.bookmonsterpromotions.com/2013/09/michelle-graves-see-how-she-runs-blog.html
 

Life Lessons with Izzy: Honesty

I was recently asked in several of my blog tour interviews what my pet peeves were.  My answer was always the same:  bullying and dishonesty.  I will leave the bullying bit for now.  What I want to focus on is dishonesty. 

I come from a family that holds you to your word.  What I say has weight and if I use my words to hide the truth or cover up for something I am ashamed of, well I am hurting myself more than anyone else.  Honesty is something I have been taught to value.  Yes, there are times when lying would be easier. 

Let me rewind for a second and clarify what I mean by dishonesty.  I am not talking about the white lies we tell everyday, the ones that spare people's feelings.  I am talking about the big ones.  Ones that hide things from people, that could eventually hurt one or more of the people involved.  I am talking about lies of omission.  I am talking about the lies we tell people and turn around and stab them in the back when they least expect it.  I am talking about lies that could well change a person's life.

Whether it be a rumor or something you withhold thinking that you are protecting yourself or someone else....ultimately the lie will out and it will hurt worse than the truth ever would have.  I have been fortunate in my life to only feel the brunt of either form a few times.  Nowadays I don't have to deal with fear of anything like this happening.  I absolutely trust the people closest to me and I know I am doing my best to teach my daughter what it means to be honest.  That her word carries weight.

Unfortunately, for our intrepid heroine, this is not the case.  People keep withholding information.  They are keeping her in the dark for fear of what may happen if she knows the truth.  In the end, the lies hurt her worse than the truth ever could have.  Dishonesty is an overall theme within See How She Fights.  It is something that shapes the story and informs the growth of Izzy.  Her actions could have been completely different had the truth been spoken from the start. 



“Funny.  Listen, I would have told you.  You have to believe that.  I wasn’t trying to keep you in the dark.  I just wanted you to have a few months of peace before everything got shifted again.  I wanted you to be free from this world for a while.  Maybe give you time to adjust.  Hell, maybe I was just being selfish.  Maybe I wanted to keep you to myself for a while.  Whatever the reasons they will never be enough to you.  I know that and I know that Isadora was right, I should have told you the minute she knew.”  He finished, falling to his knees in front of me.  His face was pleading.

Life Lessons with Izzy: Choice

I love this quote from Harry Potter.  It is so relevant to Izzy's life in this book.  And quite frankly, it is relevant to my life as well. 

I posted a Life Lessons with Izzy last time that dealt with choices and making the decision whether to be happy or sad.  I also did a whole section on change.  Well, this post relates back to those a bit. 

I guess I should start off with me, and having to choose between right and easy.  I am sure you want me to get right to the nitty gritty of revealing a snippet from See How She Fights.  Alas, I am going to wax poetic about my life first.  (Fair warning, this one gets a bit dicey.)

Choice.  Some things in this life I have absolute control over, while others are entirely out of my control.  To preface this, just so you have the chance to jump ship if you wish, this post is going to be about how depression has shaped my life and the choices I have had to make to overcome it..... still here?  FANTASTIC!  Let's carry on.  (See, I am totally procrastinating.... just like in the other life Lesson).

My depression is not something I can control.  It is not something that I can magically wave a wand and make it disappear.  It is something that sweeps in out of nowhere and threatens to pull me under.  I have dealt with this never ending ebb and flow since I was a teenager.  Back then, I just thought I was angsty and emo. I had no idea that the feelings I was dealing with were abnormal.  I had an amazing life.  I made great grades, my parents unconditionally loved and supported me, I had great friends.... yet somehow I always felt like I had a darkness pressing down upon me. 

I am one of those rare and strange creatures... I am an optimist that also suffers from depression.  As a coping mechanism I became overly happy about everything.  I would put up a front to protect myself so that no one saw how I was really feeling.  It all came to head when I was in high school and turned to more destructive behaviors to cope with my issues.  (Those of you that know me well know what those were, but I don't want to go there just yet.  I am not quite ready to open that up for the world.)  When my mom found out, she was heart broken.  She had no idea I had been dealing with the pain that depression brings. 

Once I faced up to the problem, things started to get better.  Then, in college, depression reared its ugly head again.  This time I ended up broken out in hives because I felt so overwhelmed by everything going on in my life.  A lot was changing very quickly and I mentally could not cope with it.  I saw the signs.  I knew what was happening.  I was falling back down that dark hole that had trapped me for so much of my adolescence.  I knew I had to make a decision about my future and quickly.

You see, in my case, my choice was simple.  I could choose to let depression rule my life.  I could let it blot out all happiness and hide in shame from my issues for fear of what people might think of me, or I could choose to find help for myself.  I wanted a better life.  I wanted to be able to face the day without worrying about being pulled under.  So I talked to my parents, and then to a doctor and I was put on medicine. 

Through the years I have dealt with mild depression off and on.  I have learned to control my depression now.  I can see the triggers, and know when I am slipping under.  Luckily, these days those times are few and far between.  I have my husband to thank for that.  He helps me keep myself in check.  He can see it coming before I even do, and when it gets too bad, I am not afraid to ask for help.  I don't need it all of the time, but when I do I am no longer afraid to ask. 

So whatever it is that you are putting off, whatever it is that you fear.... sometimes you just have to make a choice.... otherwise the choice may be made for you.  I chose not to let my depression define me. 

In this book Izzy is faced with a huge decision.  She has to choose what her future is going to be, and it isn't an easy choice to make.

Excerpt from See How She Fights:
"... You still have a choice Izzy.”  Kennan said gently.

            “No, I really don’t.  Not if I want to be able to look myself in the mirror everyday.  If I walk away what happens to the Seers?  What happens to the future of the Council?  If this is where I am meant to be, how can I turn my back on that?  No matter how scared I am, I can’t let Seers die if there is something that can be done to stop it.  So no, I don’t have a choice.” 
            “You did just choose, you know?” xoxo,Michelle

Life Lessons with Izzy: Procrastination

So, here is where I will be completely, utterly, and unabashedly honest with all of you.  I am, perhaps, the Queen of Procrastination.  I am pretty sure I need that embroidered on a pillow somewhere, but let's get serious, I would just be putting off the embroidery until later.  My tendency to procrastinate used to drive my type A mother insane.  I would always say "It will get done."  When my mom really wanted it done right then.  Even as an adult I procrastinate about everything. 

I think the only thing I don't procrastinate about is arriving places on time.  With that, I tend to be ridiculously early.  Otherwise, I will put things off until I can't put them off any longer.  In college, I would wait until the day before a paper was due to write it.  In my adult life, I wait until the morning before people come to prepare for their visit.  I just can't seem to do things unless I am backed by a sense of urgency. 

Aside from the everyday tasks, that I am sure everyone puts off, there are more important things that I procrastinate about.  What, you may be asking yourselves, or the computer?  Well, writing See How She Runs is a prime example.  Almost two years ago I started writing the novel.  I put it off for two years before I finally found the courage to finish it.  This is the sort of procrastination I really want to talk about. 

Every last one of us has faced a big decision in our lives.  A crossroads where you must make a decision which way you will go, or what your next step may be.  If you are anything like me, you hesitate as long as you possibly can before committing to anything.  I find myself procrastinating the most when a huge decision is weighing on my shoulders.  If the situation puts me out of my comfort zone at all I ten to put it off as long as possible. 

In the case of writing the first book, I knew that I would eventually have to publish it for the world to read.  I would be putting something that was a huge part of me out into the world to be judged.  What if people hated it?  What if people didn't relate to my characters?  Ultimately, in the grand tradition of self-preservation, I put it off until the characters became insistent.  They began to demand their story be told.

Izzy, being much like me, has a tendency to procrastinate as well.  Whenever there are big decisions to be made, she puts them off as long as possible.  Mostly because she knows that whatever comes next will flip her world upside down.  But, ultimately she learns that procrastinating will do her no good in the long run.  If you wait too long to decide, the decision just may be made for us.  And, really, it is so much better to be in control of your own destiny.  So stop putting off whatever big decisions you have been putting off.... jump into the fray.... and perhaps together we can face our futures bravely.  (Or put it off for another day.)

(And now the part you have all really come here for, the excerpt from See How She Fights)

        I gritted my teeth together and tried not to be angry at the fates or whatever kept dragging me into this mess.  Selfishly I wanted things to remain the same.  I longed for my life with Kennan, our wedding, and even someday a family.  I wanted a future that did not include subterfuge, violence, and pain.
            If I were ever going to make that future a reality I had to stop hiding.  I swallowed down the lump and pulled up my big girl panties.  It was time to face the music and find out just what the universe wanted from me.  The not so subtle hints of the nightmares finally had their way.  Stupid universe.

xoxo,
Michelle

See How She Fights- Prequel- Part 3

Part Three                  It had been an eventful day.  Between the cake tasting, the dress shopping, and Kennan thoroughly ravaging me I was exhausted.  By the end of the day all Kennan wanted to do was sleep.  I didn’t fight him.  I was absolutely done for.  Kennan’s warmth behind me comforted me until I was pulled into a deep slumber.  With him at my side I had nothing to fear.                 I was in the forest and the wolves were tracking me.  I knew this dream.  I had dreamt it back at the lab.  I knew this wasn’t real, but it did not stop the terror from seeping deep into my bones.  I looked around the fog trying to find the comfort that had aided me the past few months.  There was none of it to be found.                  I turned and ran trying to escape the predators.  Knowing that this was just an echo of my past, a remnant of my terror, did nothing to dissuade my fear.  The fear sank deep into my soul until all I could think of was to run.  I had to find an escape.  The memory of the wolves tearing my flesh from my bones fueled my escape.  I couldn’t do it again.  I couldn’t live through this again.                 I came to a stop looking in all directions.  I couldn’t find a way out.  I spun around and came to a stop facing a man I never wanted to see again.                 “You aren’t real!”  I shouted at the phantom.                 “They are coming for you all.”  Xavier wheezed before fading into the fog.                 As soon as he disappeared from sight the wolves descended upon me.  I felt my flesh begin to shred away from my body.  My own scream ripped me from the dreaming.                 Kennan was staring down at me when I awoke.  His eyes were filled with worry.                 “It isn’t over.”  I breathed out as tears filled my eyes.                 “Yes it is my love.  It was just a nightmare.  You haven’t had one in a long time.  Have you ever thought that maybe you are afraid of being happy?  You need to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop, babe.”  Kennan rubbed my back as I tried to calm my breathing.                 Somehow, I knew it was more than just a dream.  It had been real.  The terror was palpable, not a distant echo as it would have been in a mere dream.  I swallowed my fears and set them aside.  Perhaps Kennan was right, maybe it was just a dream and nothing more.                  “You’re probably right.”  I shook my head trying to shake off the last of the fear.  “Let’s try and get some more sleep.”  I smiled weakly at him.  I turned my body to face the wall and breathed out slowly.  I hoped he was right.  I tried not to think of my fears as the dreaming swept me back under.                 “The time is coming when you must face a great burden.”  a man whispered from the fog.  His robe shielded his face, effectively masking his features.                  “Who are you?”  I asked.  His voice seemed so familiar yet so foreign.                 “Soon, perhaps too soon, you will need me and I will come.  For now you must prepare yourself.  Rest Izzy, for soon you shall find no refuge in either the waking or the dreaming.”  his voice was a balm to my weary soul.  Even though his words spoke of great hardships ahead, I felt no fear towards this man.  Just an unsettling sense of familiarity.                 I moved toward him in the fog.  His body was as still as a statue.  I lifted my hands up to the hood of his robe and tilted it back away from his face.  Inhumanly blue eyes gazed down upon me.                  “Who are you?”  I asked with my brows furrowed.  I had this tickling sensation in the back of my brain.  I somehow knew this man, yet I could summon no memories of him.                 He lifted his hand to my cheek in a gesture that seemed so familiar.  His large hand emanated warmth into my chilled soul.                  “Brush me from your mind Izzy, for you will find me sooner than you expect.  Instead remember my warning.  Prepare yourself.  Your burdens will be great and your obstacles many.  Dream now of pleasant things for the nightmares will soon return.”  He whispered pleasant words as my soul gently drifted into a peaceful sleep washing all memories of him aside.                   “Izzy.  Wake up.  It is past noon.”  Kennan was shaking my shoulder trying to pull me out of my pleasant dreams.                 “Ungh.”  I replied.                 “Rise and shine sleepy head.  Molly is on the phone.  She wants to talk to you about Ian and something about dresses.”                 “Ungh.”  I muttered holding my hand out for the phone.                 “Here she is Molly.”  Kennan snickered as he handed me the phone and left the room.                 “Hello?”  I mumbled half into the phone half into the pillow.                 “I am going to kill him.”  Molly screeched into my ear.                 “What did he do now?”  I turned over so my voice could be somewhat audible.  I still refused to open my eyes.                  “What didn’t he do?  He is completely ridiculous Izzy.  You can’t expect me to spend the rest of my very long life with this walking fashion victim in tow.”  Molly fumed.                 This was the same conversation we had been having for months.  It was a never ending circular argument.  Molly would call complaining about how unreasonable Ian was.  Ian would call complaining about how stuffy Molly was.  I would be expected to play the referee in the never ending war.  It was exhausting.  I wished the two of them would just kiss and get it over with.  I knew Ian had feelings for Molly, but instead of acting like an adult he had taken on the persona of an elementary school boy pulling his crush’s pigtails.  With everything Molly was going through I knew that his joking was grating on her already frayed nerves.                 “Molly, I can’t change who he is.  You just need to find a way to cope with him.”  I wasn’t awake enough for this conversation.  I needed coffee.  Just like that Kennan magically appeared with a steaming cup of liquid perfection.   I covered the receiver saying, “I love you so much.”                 “Just talk to him.  Maybe try and convince him to at least wear coordinating colors when we are in public.”                  “I will try.”  I knew it would be pointless.  I still had no real idea why Ian dressed the way he did, but it made him happy.  Who was I to rain on his parade?  “Kennan said you needed to talk to me about a dress?”                 “Yes!  Did you find it?”  Molly’s voice raised and octave with her excitement.                 “Yep.  It is glorious.  I will send you a picture later when Kennan isn’t in the house.  He is going to till up a garden plot for me today.”  I got up and moved to the window to see that he had already started.  He was shirtless and the heat had caused sweat to bead on his body.  I had to walk away from the window so that I could concentrate on what Molly was saying.                 “Wait.  You are going to attempt to grow things?  I foresee this going really well.”  Molly snarked.                 “Did you really See it or are you just being a pest?”                  “You know my visions are offline right now.  So, no, I am just basing this information off of my intimate knowledge of you and your city slickin’ ways.”                 “Hardy har har.  You keep this up and I will put you in the most God awful bridesmaid’s dress you have ever seen.  You will make Ian look positively stylish when I am through with you.”  See what sassy comment she had now.                  “Let’s not get excited.  It is all in good fun.”  Molly used her calming voice.  I knew it all too well.  She had used it on me quite a bit back at the Council when I was such a basket case.  “So, is there anything else going on with your right now?”                 “Nope, why do you ask?”  I hoped that she couldn’t tell from my voice that I’d had another nightmare.                 “Well, let’s see.  You are asleep until noon for one.  For two you seem evasive.  I hear it in your tone.”  I was a fool to think I could pull anything over on Molly.                 “It was just a dream.  I think it is just from the stress of the wedding.  I’ve felt off since that night of restful sleep.  Like someone is watching me, waiting for something.  I don’t know how to explain it.  Maybe I am just not used to things going well.  I think I am probably overthinking everything and freaking myself out.”  I sighed.  I had just talked myself in a huge circle coming back to the same conclusion I’d had last night, I was going insane.                 “It probably is just stress.   Why don’t you have Kennan block the dreaming for a while?  It isn’t going to hurt you to be separated from it.”                 “NO!”  I shouted forcefully.  For some reason the thought of being separated from the dreaming made my stomach turn.                 “Ooooookay.”  Molly drawled.  “I was just trying to help.”                 “Sorry, Molly.  I feel like I need to be there.  I feel like something is coming.  I am probably wrong, but whatever.  We will see.  I better get going.  I have a garden to plant.”                 “Right.  Try not to hurt yourself.  Oh, and talk to Ian.  I am begging you.”  Molly pleaded through the phone.  I could see her down on her knees begging me.                  “If you both keep bugging me, I am going to stick ya’ll in couple’s counseling.  See if I don’t!”                 “Whatever, I will talk to you later.  Oh, and let me know when I need to go to the shop to be fitted.  Love you.”                 “Love you, too, Molly.”  I hung the phone up and threw on some shorts and a tank top.  It was time I got my plant on. *********************************                 It had been two months since the first nightmare.  At first they were few and far between, but the past week I had been struggling with the fear of falling asleep.  It was almost a guarantee that I would face some new horror with Xavier at the center.  I wondered if it would ever end.  I had done my best to hide it from Kennan.  I didn’t want to worry him.  For all I knew, I was suffering from some sort of PTSD.  It was entirely possible.                  “Are you okay, Red?”  Kennan’s voice was laced with concern.  I knew he was starting to suspect something was wrong with me.  I had been secretive, if not downright evasive.                  “I’m fine.  Really.  I think the wedding is just stressing me out.  It is coming up soon.”  I widened my eyes at him before sliding under the covers into bed.                 “We can wait, if you aren’t ready.”  Kennan wrapped his arm behind my head and started to draw lazy circles on my arm.  It broke my heart that he thought my hesitance was caused by him in any way.                 “Absolutely not.  Kennan O’Malley, I cannot wait to be your wife.  Don’t ever think that.”  I smacked his chest before turning my lips toward his.  I kissed him quickly before turning on my side.  I needed to get my crap together before I drove him away.  “I just need sleep.  I love you.”                 “I love you, too.  You better not be keeping anything from me.”  Kennan turned pulling my body against his.                 “Mmmhmmm.”  I pretended to be half asleep.  I didn’t want to lie to him.  I just didn’t understand what was going on.                 I laid there listening to the sounds of his breathing grow heavy.  In moments he was whisked away into a peaceful sleep.  I envied that.  I knew that he would come into the dreaming with me if I asked him, but I could not bring myself to do that to him again.  I had scared him so much after the lab that I was afraid to drag him back into my insanity.  It was time to face the music.                  Oh great.  It was the wolves’ nightmare again.  I really hated this one.  I always felt exhausted by the end of it.  Perhaps I would just let them eat me and get it over with tonight.   Maybe if I didn’t run they wouldn’t chase me.  I stood still listening to the forest around me.                  The fog was a thick blanket moving across the land.  It weaved in and out of the trees obscuring anything that might come for me.  Then I heard it.  The second wolf howl, the signal to attack.  It was time to run or stand fast.  I wasn’t sure I had any run left in me.                 I stood looking out into the fog determined to hold my ground.  “Come and get it you miserable excuse for a phantom.  I am so tired of these games.  Just tell me what you want.”                 Laughter echoed through the trees accompanied by the sounds of the wolves.  I saw their glowing eyes as they stepped through the fog towards me.  With them, the figure of Xavier emerged.  Only this time he looked a bit stronger.  Something had changed.  Perhaps I had finally gone completely mad.                 “It has begun.”  Xavier laughed lifting his hand in the air as the wolves charged me.  “I am coming, Izzy.  Nothing you can do will stop me.”                 “WATCH ME!”  I screamed as I threw myself to the ground.  I curled into the fetal position as a blinding blue light ripped through the dreaming.  I refused to open my eyes.  The wolves would be on me at any moment.                 “You can’t interfere.”  I heard Xavier shout in disgust.                 “Watch me.”  I heard a calm voice reply.                  “It is against the Code.  You are forbidden.”  Xavier was becoming hysterical.  I sort of wanted to open my eyes to see what had his so worked up.  I dared to peek out of my arms and looked up at a tall robed figure.                 “I am not breaking the Code.  I am forbidden from directly interceding.  It does not follow that I may not assist.  Your end draws nigh Betrayer.”  The man turned towards me and reached out a hand to help me to my feet.                 “It doesn’t change what is coming.  She isn’t strong enough to stop it yet.”  Xavier disappeared back into the fog.  His words echoed through my head.                  I looked up into the face of my savior and gasped.  Who was this man?  I felt the strangest sense of déjà vu when I looked at him.                 “Thank you.”  I squeaked, dropping my hand from his in the process.                 “It is time to stop running, Izzy.  You must face what is coming.  Your time of peace has passed, now is the time to fight.  Wake and rise your Guardian.”  the man reached his hand to my face and cupped my cheek.                 “But, what is coming?  And more importantly, who the heck are you?”  I was so over the man of mystery thing.  I wanted to know why I felt like I knew him.                 “Forget me, Izzy.  For in less than a weeks’ time we shall finally meet on your plane.  Until then forget me, for I am not important yet.  All you must remember from this dream is that you must go to the Council.  The time for hiding is through.  Now awaken.”  he brushed his lips across my forehead and I was thrown from the dreaming.                 “It is time to fight.”  was my last thought as reality bled back in. 

Save the Date!

For all of you going through Izzy withdrawals, I thought I would give you some hope.  The schedule above details when the last bit of the prequel will be live on the blog as well as more interesting things to come. 

If you have been following the blog for a while, you might remember a segment called Life Lessons with Izzy that I did before the release of See How She Runs.  Well, I am bringing it back for See How She Fights.  I will post snippets of the story at the end of each post, much like I did the last time.  So, if you want to get to know me better, or just get a little inspiration, make sure to check back in for that!

On October 2nd, I will post the first chapter of See How She Fights for all to read! 

Then, the date you are all really waiting for, the release of See How She Fights will be on Decemeber 12!

Don't miss out on all the great stuff coming!

xoxo,
Michelle Graves

See How She Lives Part 2

Prequel Part 2                    The next few months passed with the same calm that had become ever present in my life.  I no longer feared the dreaming.  I no longer felt haunted by the events of the past year.  I had barely even had a vision.  I was living in a delightful bubble of euphoria.                  “What’s on the agenda for today?”  Kennan asked from the closet.                 “Cake tasting and then dress shopping.”  I waited for the groan I knew would emit from the closet at any moment.  I had been dragging Kennan around for weeks trying to get everything organized for our wedding.  We wanted it to be in the fall so I knew we had to hurry to make it happen.                 “Isn’t it bad luck for me to see the dress?  I think I should sit this one out.  Maybe you could just choose the cake, too?”  he leaned out of the closet to find me standing with my hands on my hips.                 “No way, Kennan O’Malley.  You got out of choosing flowers but you are going with me to taste the cake.  No arguments.”  I narrowed my eyes in his direction.  I would not take no for an answer.                 “You aren’t as scary as you think you are.  You know that, right?”  he smirked at me before disappearing back into the closet.                 “Listen, I don’t have Molly here to help me.  That means you have to go and pretend to be enjoying yourself.  I don’t think I am asking for much here.”  I was starting to get grouchy.                  “Don’t even act like Molly would be enjoying this.” I knew Kennan was right.  Molly would rather be saving the world one vision at a time.  It didn’t mean he would be getting out of the day’s errands.                  “That isn’t the point and you know it.  You are going to go, you are going to act like you are enjoying yourself, and you will make this day fun for me.  Do I make myself clear?”  I stomped my foot as I came to a stop outside of the closet.                  “Yes ma’am!”  Kennan mock saluted.                  I moved around him to grab my clothes from the hanger snapping the bottom part of the hanger from the hook in the process.  I growled and moved towards the bathroom.  Today was not going at all as I had hoped it would.  Was it too much to ask a man to be excited about eating cake and dress shopping?  Okay, the dress shopping I could see, but the free cake.  I mean, come on!  I went into the bathroom and closed the door forcefully, jarring the walls in the process.                 “Easy killer.”  Kennan laughed on the way out of the room.                  It wasn’t that I was really upset about the day.  I had just felt off for the past couple of months.  Everything had been so calm since that first restful night.  I knew enough about the world I now lived in to know that it wouldn’t last.  It put me on edge constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I tried to shake the negativity off and think of the day.                  “Today is going to be great.”  I promised my reflection.  She looked back at me rather skeptically.  I did what any mature adult would do, I stuck my tongue out at her.                  I finished getting ready in a hurry, pulling on a dress so that I didn’t have to take off eight thousand things when trying on wedding gowns.  I was going to buy my dress today if it was the last thing I did.  After all, this was the only shop in a fifty mile radius for me to look.  I looked myself over one more time before heading down to greet the day. *******************                 We arrived at the cake shop ten minutes early.  The sugary confections assaulted my senses as we walked through the door, causing me to instantly drool.  I had been coming here to get cupcakes since we moved.  They were possibly the most delicious cupcakes I had ever eaten.  I was developing an addiction.  When I found out the proprietor also made wedding cakes, well it was a no brainer.                  “Hello Izzy.”  The proprietor greeted brightly.                 “Hey Mrs. Ryan.”  I walked into her hug.  That was one thing I loved about the south, once you knew a person, you became like family.                                “Kennan.  How are you doin’ today?”  she drawled.                 “Fine, Mrs. Ryan.  Looking forward to eating some cake.”  he rubbed his hands together like some sort of mad scientist.                 “Well, let’s get to it then.  Ya’ll have a seat over there and I will go in the back and get the different cakes and icings we can pair.”  Mrs. Ryan moved into the back of the store while Kennan and I settled ourselves at the table.                 “You seem more excited about this now.”  I grumbled at Kennan.                 “Well, I am more awake now.  Plus, have you smelled this place?  I would have to be insane not be excited right now.”                 “Hopefully the sugar will sustain you through dress shopping.”                  “I think I may drop you off and come back to get you.  I really don’t want to see the dress before the big day.”                 “But how will I know if it looks good or not?”  I was terrible at choosing dresses.  My luck, I would pick one that made me look utterly ridiculous.                 “You will be fine.”  Kennan leaned over to place a kiss on my forehead.  I just glared up at him in response.                  “Alright, ya’ll.  All of the cakes are labeled as are the frostings.  Just combine them until you find the perfect mixture and let me know what ya’ll decide on.”  Mrs. Ryan set a tray of cake samples and icings in front of us.  Suddenly all of my fears disappeared when faced with such sugary delights.                 Kennan and I went to town trying the different cakes and icings.  He kept trying to combine really odd flavors while I stuck with the traditional combos.  Ultimately we decided to have a three tiered cake with chocolate and vanilla cakes layered.  Then a simple buttercream frosting to top it all off.  I was seriously surfing a major sugar buzz by the time we left her store.  The woman was a cake genius, maybe even a goddess.                  “Ready to go try on dresses?”  Kennan asked brightly.                 “I feel like I just gained a thousand pounds in there.  I suppose this way I will have plenty of room in my dress.”  I looked down at my suddenly pooched out tummy.                 “You look beautiful, like always.”  Kennan mumbled into my hair before kissing the top of my head.                 “Yeah, yeah.  You are still dropping me off, huh?”                  “Yep, just call me when you are done and I will come get you.  Just make sure that whatever dress you get is in a dark bag so that I can’t see it.”                  “I just hope the sales ladies are honest and tell me whether I look like a taffeta nightmare or not.”                  We arrived at the dress boutique far too quickly.  My stomach was in knots and the previously delicious cake decided to start a rebellion.  What if I chose the wrong dress?  What if Kennan didn’t like it?  When did I become so neurotic?  It was just a dress.                  I looked over to find Kennan looking at me intently.  I sucked in a deep breath and got out of the beat up SUV.                  “Call me when you are done.  More importantly, find the dress you love.”  Kennan hollered after me.                 “Okay.”  I squared my shoulders and headed in to meet with the sales assistant for my appointment.                 As soon as I entered the store, my senses were set into overdrive.  Everywhere I looked there was poufy white and ivory.  Was I really ready to get married?  Until death do us part was an awfully long time for Seers.  I sucked in another calming breath and thought of Kennan.  I was absolutely ready to spend the rest of my life with him.                  “Izzy?”  I heard a chipper sales lady call.  She looked to be about my age and was meticulously coiffed.  She made me look like a ragamuffin.                 “Yes, that’s me.”                  “Is your wedding party with you to help?”  she asked with an air of confusion.                 “Nope, just me, myself, and I.”  I smiled brightly, or maybe it was maniacally.  From the look on the girl’s face, I thought it was probably the latter.                 “Well, we will get you taken care of.  Have no fear.”  She looped her arm through mine and drew me deeper into the store.  “So, tell me, what are your neckline preferences?  What silhouette do you prefer?”                 “Um, wedding dress?”  I replied.  The girl was speaking Greek to me.                 “How about we just take a look at some magazines first and then you can let me know which ones you like?”  I think the panic must have been evident on my face.                 We sat down at a white desk and she pulled out a stack of bridal magazines.  Each with a ridiculously expensive dress gracing the cover.  I knew Kennan said to get what I wanted, but I couldn’t see spending that much on a dress I would just wear once.  It seemed wasteful.                  I sat flipping through the magazines until I came to rest on the most perfect dress I had ever seen.  The bottom had gathers making it look like icing on a cake.  The top had what the clerk dubbed a sweetheart neckline.  It was simple, beautiful, and perfect in every single way.                 “This one.”  I breathed out.  Tears threatened to pool in my eyes.  I couldn’t understand my reaction to the dress.  My Seer senses must have been out of whack.  They seemed to be offline lately.                  “You are in luck.  We have that one here.”  She clapped her hands together and moved away to be swallowed up by the white dresses.                 She came back with several dresses on her arm and motioned for me to follow her back to the fitting rooms.                  “We have several sizes and variations of the dress you liked here.  Let’s get you fitted.”  she said brightly.  I wasn’t sure if her enthusiasm was genuine or not, either way it was contagious.                 We slipped into the dressing room and she helped me get into the first of the dresses.  It was two sizes too big so we scrapped it immediately.  Then came the second of the dresses she had brought in with her.  It was too small.  I was beginning to feel like Goldilocks.  But much like her character, the third dress was just right.                 I stood staring at my reflection in shock.  It was the most perfect dress I had ever seen in my life.  Even better, it fit me like it was made just for me.  There was no way I could leave here today without this dress.  I looked down at the tag and gasped at the price.  So much for not spending a ton on a one day dress.  I was pretty sure if the tag had read a million dollars I would still not be able to leave without it.  Perfect dresses just don’t come along every day.  I had to snap this up before it was too late.                  I turned to the clerk with tears in my eyes and smiled brightly.  “I think we have a winner.”                 “I think you are absolutely right.  This is perfect!”  She clapped her hands together in delight.                  “Alright.”  I sighed, reluctantly returning to the fitting room to get back into my lame sundress.  I wanted to live in that wedding gown, but I didn’t think it would be appropriate attire for going to the garden center.                  “Is there anything else we can get for you today, Izzy?”  she asked as she hung the dress back on its hanger.                 “Is there any way we can put the dress in a dark bag so that my future husband can’t see it?”                  “Absolutely.  I will get it all set.”  She moved out of the dressing room and let me finish getting myself put back together.                 I pulled out my phone to give Kennan a call.  “I’m ready.”  I said brightly.                 “Did you find it?”  he sounded as excited as I was.                  “Yep, and it is perfect!”                  “Well, I am heading in.  I was waiting out in the parking lot.  I still can’t seem to leave you.”  Kennan breathed.  I knew how he felt.  We had not been out of each other’s presence since we left the Council months ago.                   “Meet me at the counter and prepare to spend your entire life savings.”                  I moved out of the stall as Kennan entered the building.   He must have forgotten to mask his true form.  The sales clerks all turned toward him stunned.  I could understand the reaction.  It was the same way I reacted to him.  My stomach started to jump when he headed for me.  I still couldn’t believe he had chosen me.  Out of everyone in the world, he loved me.  He moved toward me with complete focus as if the rest of the world would never matter again.                  “Hey, Red.”  He smiled down at me and I became a pile of goo.                  “Hey, you.  Have I told you lately that I love you?  Because I do.”                 “You can never tell me enough.”  he threw his arm over my shoulder and guided me to the counter to pay for the dress.                 “Umm, it will be, ummmm…..”  the poor sales clerk couldn’t seem to get herself under control.                 “Here, just put it on this.”  Kennan handed her a card never looking away from me.                  “Yep, sure thing.  I am getting right on that.”  she mumbled.                 I looked up into his face and had to smile.  He had no idea the effect he had on people.   One of his smiles could probably bring about world peace, well in a world full of women it could.                  “What?”  he whispered into my ear.                 “Nothing, you are just turning everyone into blubbering idiots because you forgot to disguise yourself again.”  I whispered back so that he was the only one that could hear me.                  “I seem to forget a lot when I am around you.”  he said back.  The heat in his eyes turned me to smoldering ashes.  We couldn’t get home soon enough.                 “You are all set Mr. O’Malley.  Just sign here and we are good to go.” the clerk said.                 “Thank you for taking care of my girl.”  he signed and grabbed the black garment bag from the sales clerk.