Esther Spurrill Jones's Blog, page 15

Thank You

Yesterday, someone replied to a comment I had left on an online article. They made huge, erroneous assumptions about me; insulted me; and swore at me. After my initial horrified, angry reaction where I kinda wanted to yell back, I realized that it just wasn't worth it. So I wrote this instead.

Thank You

Thank you for reminding me
How vile people can be.
How some, no matter what, will choose
To merely shout abuse.

Understanding, compromise,
And kindness they despise.
Also, logic, facts, and proof;
They think they know all truth.

Thank you. I remember now
And I will not allow
Myself to waste my energy.
Blocked. Bye bye.

Love Is...

Love is the beginning and the end:
All the Law and Prophets hang on that.
Without love, it’s all a vast pretend:
Clanging cymbals, nothing, falling flat.

Love is the foundation and the peak:
Never failing, always hoping, sure.
All you need, and everything you seek;
In the arms of love you are secure.

Love was, and is, and is to come again.
Faith and hope abide, but love has won;
Kind and patient, over all love reigns,
Bows its head and whispers, “It is done.”

Love is father, mother, lover, friend;
Love is love and it will never end.

Homeless

John Pavlovitz said something in a recent blog post that really resonated with me. He said that many Christians are finding themselves “homeless” within the church, that “they’ve arrived at a spot where they realize, often with tremendous grief and a fair bit of denial—that they no longer belong where they once did. They no longer fit in American Christianity.” I’m Canadian, so my experience isn’t exactly the same, but lately I have been feeling adrift. I no longer feel at home with fellow Christians.

I am reminded of Rich Mullins’ song “You Did Not have a Home” where he reminds us that Jesus “did not have a home… [and] did not toe the party line… but the hope of the whole world rests on the shoulders of a homeless Man.” Jesus didn’t have a home church. Jesus wandered in the wilderness, preached in the mountains, rode the waves on the open sea, and asked us to follow Him.

There is a tradition in the church that we must attend services. This is mostly based on Hebrews 10: 24-25, which says
And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching. (NKJV)It’s that “not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together” that gets read as a command to go to church every Sunday. But that’s not what it says. All it says is that we should spend time with other Christians.

Now, I love many things about church. I’ve attended all my life, and there are things in services that I just can’t find anywhere else. I love worshipping together with other Christians. I love the sense of community that is found in the best congregations. But I don’t feel that lately in any church I’ve tried. Instead I feel ignored, misunderstood, or shunned.

Maybe it’s time to “shake off the dust from [my] feet” (Matt. 10:14) and find something new. I just wish I knew how to begin.

Never Again

“Never again!” we cry aloud.
We stand before the foe unbowed.
We will not stand idly by
While our brothers and sisters die.
We’ll stand up strong—we’ll not be cowed.

This one thing we all have vowed:
We don’t care if we’re allowed.
We will turn a blind eye
Never again.

Millions strong, we are a crowd,
And in our union, we are proud
To stand with those who testify
Evil you cannot pacify.
Remember those who fell—enshroud.
Never again.

Review of Lead Me Not by Ann Gallagher

Lead Me Not by Ann Gallagher

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Warning for homophobia and homophobic language.

When I started into Lead Me Not, I was hesitant. This is not the first LGBT book I have read, but it is the first Christian LGBT book I have read. And when Isaac is first introduced, his thoughts and actions are harsh and homophobic. This was the protagonist we’re supposed to cheer for? Not likely. But then, Isaac slowly began to grow on me. I realized that he was actually in the closet himself, so deep he couldn’t see his way out, couldn’t see much of anything. He was blind.

Isaac’s family and the environment he grew up in are incredibly toxic. Ann Gallagher paints a masterful picture of the way these so-called Christians twist the Scriptures to condemn homosexuality. Isaac’s brother William is especially hateful, while Isaac himself sincerely just wants to help people—although he is very wrong in how he tries to do so. Isaac’s father has already disowned two of his children for not believing exactly as he does. Scenes with Isaac’s family are not easy to read.

The premise of the plot gave me pause as well. Isaac’s twin sister Ruth suggests that they make a documentary to prove that you can choose to be gay—by Isaac “choosing” to be gay, then “choosing” to be straight again. Of course, the problem is that he is not straight and never has been. And never will be.

Then Colton—a bartender at a gay club—saves Isaac from getting beaten in the alley behind the club, beaten by homophobic thugs who probably believe a lot of the same bs Isaac believes. Colton drives him to the hospital and stays with him and drives him home. That a stranger, a gay stranger, would do that for him shakes Isaac’s worldview to its core. Then Isaac finds out that Colton is a Christian and that he volunteers at a local church helping save LGBT teenagers from the streets, and his world tips on its axis again. There is a crack in his closet door, letting in just a bit of light.

It’s not easy of course. While Isaac “lives the gay lifestyle” for the documentary, telling everyone around him that he is gay, he still very much believes that he is not. The closet door might be ajar, but he is still huddled inside, trying to hide from the light. This changes slowly, but he fights it every step of the way.

Despite the harsh language and rhetoric, this really is a very uplifting book. Isaac’s family is shown clearly to be wrong. There is no insistence on forgiving someone like that either. Sometimes the best thing to do is to put distance between yourself and that toxic relationship. I’m used to romance novels being rather shallow in theme and content, but this one surprised me. I would highly recommend it, and I will likely read it again.



View all my reviews

Thank You, Mom

I lost my mom four years ago;
I miss her still today.
When I think of her this time of year,
I remember…


The smell of fresh-baked bread;
Of apple pies and cookies;
An overdose of colour on the tree;
Mario, Bing, and Elvis sing carols on LP;
Soft and buttery shortbread,
Rolling out and cutting;
Stockings pinned along the couch for we had no fireplace
Filled with oranges, candies, toys, and chocolate,
A tiny house filled up with love;
Eight children crowding ‘round the tree,
Then turkey, mashed potatoes, and homemade apple pie.
We never had much money,
But Mom made Christmas special;
She showed me why she loved this time of year.
And, though I miss her sharply
And wish that she was here,
I am deeply grateful
For every memory.

November 9, 2016

It seems the world has gone insane...
“Make America great again;”
Swap love for hate and peace for war.
This morning, in the darkest hour
My hope’s not faded—it was slain.

Today, a racist holds the reins:
What can profit one so vain?
I spent the night and day in pray’r
For He will save.

Our hope is built on Christ who reigns;
His love and peace will still remain,
And He will keep us through these years
For He will save.

OctPoWriMo 31 - We'll Dance Together

In October of 2012, I first participated in OctPoWriMo. I wrote a few poems that year about how sick my mom was with cancer and how scared I was. In November of 2012, cancer took my mom away from me. I miss her. But I know that some day we will be together again, and nothing will ever part us. Today's prompt is eternity, and we are encouraged to choose a form we tried for the first time this year and really liked, so I wrote a decuain about my mom.

We'll Dance Together

My mother loved Jesus with all her heart;
She taught me how to love by loving me
And, though I wish we never had to part,
I know someday I once again will see
Her in that land where she is fully free.
We’ll dance together on the golden streets,
Singing praise for all eternity.
Although it seemed cancer was a defeat,
To open Heaven’s door she had the key
And now, forever joy and jubilee.

OctPoWriMo 30 - Where We Were

Tomorrow is the last day of OctPoWriMo, and I can hardly believe another one is almost over. Today's prompt is simplicity, and I chose to write a kyrielle about something that has been on my heart and soul a lot lately, especially in light of the current US election and the people who call themselves Christians who think Jesus wants them to hate members of the LGBTQ+ community and deny asylum to refugees. My Jesus is not that Jesus. As a church, we need to go back to the start, to the basic simplicity of "love one another."

Where We Were

Jesus said, “Love one another”;
Everyone sisters and brothers.
We’ve strayed so far, this now my prayer:
Let’s return to where we were.


We’ve complicated everything,
Drifted far from our Wellspring,
Contaminated what was pure.
Let’s return to where we were.


Our fundamental, simple base
Is merely love and joy and faith.
In light of this, now hear me roar,
“Let’s return to where we were.”


Widows, orphans, refugees
Are everyone the “least of these.”
Their troubles should compassion stir.
Let’s return to where we were.


Our Father loves us all the same
No matter if we change our names,
Or who we love, or who we are.
Let’s return to where we were.

OctPoWriMo 29 - Upside Down

Just recently, I watched the Netflix original series Stranger Things where they travel to a sort of alternate reality they call "the upside down." So, when today's prompt was 'upside down', I had to reference the show. I loved the ghazal form I did a few days ago, so here is my second attempt at this fascinating form.

Upside Down

They disappeared into the dark upside down;
A monster lurked deep in the murk—upside down.

Some days it feels my life is great, I have it all together,
But then, something subverts my heart upside down.

Eleven times I took a swing and missed;
It only takes one single hit to turn the work upside down.

When I met you my life was good—I didn’t know
I was kindling you would spark—upside down.

Change can be for good or ill—turn yourself about,
Flood above the watermark and upside down.