K.M. Alexander's Blog, page 6

Raunch Review: The Mandalorian

Raunch Reviews is a series about profanity. Not real profanity, but speculative swearing. Authors often try to incorporate original, innovative forms of profanity into our own fantastical works as a way to expand the worlds we build. Sometimes we’re successful. Often we’re not. In this series, I examine the faux-profanity from various works of sci-fi and fantasy, judge their effectiveness, and rate them on an unscientific and purely subjective scale. This is Raunch Reviews. Welcome.

The Authors: Work in Question: The Mandalorian The Profanity: “Dank ferrik”

Star Wars’ conlangs are a bit of a mess. Some of this is because they weren’t initially developed by a linguist and were instead inventions of series sound designer Ben Burtt. Burtt’s a genius at sound design, and I highly recommend listening to his commentary on the original series. While he did work with a linguist to capture cadence and tone (and some real-world languages are mixed in with the alien one), the goal was never to create languages one could learn. It was to achieve unrecognizable and utterly alien sounds.

That becomes problematic in this age of fandoms and cinematic universes. Not only do languages need to be consistent across feature films and television shows, but fans want to engage with the media more closely. Fictional languages are an excellent medium for understanding an alien culture and expanding the worldbuilding within a franchise, and you can learn much about a culture through its profanity.

So where does all this put us with “dank ferrik?” The phrase was introduced in the Disney+ series The Mandalorian and has begun to spread into other parts of the Star Wars franchise faster than Grogu captured the heart of fandom. (I most recently heard it in the trailer for the upcoming Ubisoft game Star Wars Outlaws.) Mostly uttered as an expletive by Galactic Basic speakers to punctuate when something goes wrong, it’s clear with its rapid spread that we’re going to be hearing this for many years to come.

Like “karabast,” though, “dank ferrik” is devoid of context. Is it an oath? A semantic derogation? Some sort of slur? It’s never explained. We technically don’t even know where it originates. Is it Mando’a? Huttese? Something from the Outer Rim? By reading its use, we can see that it’s used as an expletive, but without context, it becomes nonsense.

Not quite censor-slip, not truly expanding the galaxy’s lore, and, therefore, not going to score high.

Final Score: 2.0 Previous Raunch Reviews “Kark” from Christopher Buehlman’s The Blacktongue Theif “Slag” from Larry DiTillio & Bob Forward’s Beast Wars: Transformers “Critch” from René Echevarria & Travis Beacham’s Carnival Row “Hippikaloric” from L. Frank Baum’s Wizard of Oz (Series) “Stars and Stones” from Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files “Karabast” from Simon Kinberg, Dave Filoni, & Carrie Beck’s Star Wars: Rebels “Pashangwala” from Daniel Abraham, Ty Franck, & Nick Farmer’s The Expanse “Space!” from Isaac Asimov’s Foundation “petaQ” from Gene Roddenberry’s Star Trek “Felgercarb” from Glen A. Larson’s Battlestar Galactica (1978) “Hood’s [Body Part]” from Steven Erikson’s Malazan Book of the Fallen Series “Andreste’s Flaming Knickers” from David Gaider & BioWare’s Dragon Age Series “Fangbanger” from Alan Ball’s True Blood “Mit’ka” from Brad Wright & Jonathan Glassner’s Stargate SG-1 “Merlin’s Beard” from J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series “Drokk” from John Wagner & Carlos Ezquerra’s Judge Dredd “Skin Job” from Hampton Fancher & David Peoples’ Blade Runner “Frag” from J. Michael Straczynski’s Babylon 5 “Gorram” from Joss Whedon’s Firefly “Prawn” from Neill Blomkamp & Terri Tatchell’s District 9 “By the Firsts” from K. M. Alexander’s Bell Forging Cycle “Smurf” from Raja Gosnell & Jordan Kerner’s The Smurfs (2011) “Dren” from Rockne S. O’Bannon’s Farscape “Quiznak” from J. Dos Santos & L. Montgomery’s Voltron: Legendary Defender “Smeg” from Rob Grant and Doug Naylor’s Red Dwarf “Burn Me” from Robert Jordan’s The Wheel of Time “Slitch” from Robert A. Heinlein’s Friday “Yarbles” from Anthony Burgess’ A Clockwork Orange “Cuss” from Wes Anderson’s Fantastic Mr. Fox “Feth” from Dan Abnett’s Gaunt’s Ghosts from Warhammer 40k “Shazbot” from Garry Marshall’s Mork & Mindy and Dynamix’s Starsiege: Tribes “Seven Hells” from George R. R. Martin’s A Song of Ice & Fire/Game of Thrones “Mudblood” from J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series “Frak” from Glen A. Larson’s, Ronald D. Moore’s, & David Eick’s Battlestar Galactica “Jabber” from China Miéville’s Bas-Lag series “Storm it”/”Storms”/”Storming” from Brandon Sanderson’s The Stormlight Archives

Have a suggestion for Raunch Reviews? It can be any made-up slang word from a book, television show, or movie. You can email me directly with your recommendation or leave a comment below. I’ll need to spend time with the property before I’ll feel confident reviewing it, so give me a little time. I have a lot of books to read.

One Thousand

This is the one-thousandth post on this little website. It’s wild to think I’ve gotten to this point at all. Wilder still that it’s been nearly four years since I hit a milestone here. (Previously: 800. 600. 400. 200.) When I was last here, I had just finished draft one of Gleam Upon the Waves, a book that has been out for a few years now, and a work of which I am incredibly proud. (Now, if only people would read it.)

When I started this blog eleven years ago, I had no idea where it would go or how I would grow. It was a place to track my writing and my little corner of the web, but even early on, you can see glimpses of the future. Maps, manuscripts, and concepts I was blogging about have come to fruition—many in recent years. Here I am, still plunking away.

In some ways, I am glad this milestone has arrived. Writing one thousand posts is something to celebrate. Few personal sites like this remain active for so long, and I am proud of what I’ve been doing here. It’s funny that one thousand arrived while I am currently struggling through a difficult creative period. The work I love, writing, has stalled more than I’d like. I won’t moan about writer’s block or The Struggle. It’s been done to death by so many writers. But it’s been happening. I’m working through it and have plans to reengage.

It’s odd to reflect on what has transpired since the last two-hundred-milestone. So much has happened. If you had asked me a few weeks ago, I’d be hard-pressed to answer. But as I wrote this, I took some time to look back, and it made me realize all I’ve done. I released Gleam Upon the Waves, finished another manuscript, and started writing Book V. I began Raunch Reviews, which now sits at thirty-six entries! “Old Haunts” and “Quiet Corners” weren’t a thing a few years ago, and there are now thirty-one videos between the two of them. I launched a Reader’s Resources section. I built a small empire of free fantasy map resources that drive incredible amounts of traffic to this site daily. (I had over forty-five thousand visitors here last year, and I’m on track to beat that this year.) That’s twenty-six brush sets, and together they amass to nearly ten thousand individual brushes.

Looking back, I was stunned to realize how much happened. It’s been a memorable stretch. A lot has changed, but a lot has stayed the same. I am still writing books. I am still looking for ways to expand the world of the Territories. I am still sharing cool Lovecraftian goodies on a yearly basis, talking about travel, sharing quotes, and discussing horror/science fiction/fantasy. This is still a writer’s blog, just an ever-expanding one. But as I pass another milestone, I can see that trail continues ahead. There is a big future ahead and many more stories to tell.

One thousand posts is just getting started.

I’ll see you at twelve-hundred. Who knows what we’ll find in between.

Trip Report: ISNOFRCH

This year Kari-Lise and I will mark our twentieth wedding anniversary. As we are wont to do, we decided to take a vacation as a celebration. Due to circumstances beyond our control—a global pandemic, y’all might remember—we had amassed a significant sum of airline miles with Norwegian Air. Yay! But, Norwegian Air no longer flies out of the States since that global pandemic. Boo! Three years on, those miles were due to expire, and for us to use them, we had to go to Norwegian Air.

After Scotland last year, we discussed heading to Asia for our next major trip, but the siren call of those expiring airline miles tugged us back to Europa’s shores once again. Across the span of three weeks, we revisited a few countries we had in the past (before I started doing these posts), hit up some classic European destinations, and met up with our long-time travel pals Kelcey Rushing and Jim Rushing. While I didn’t have any deep thoughts about Deep Time, I did enjoy myself, and both Kari-Lise and I came away refreshed. The whole experience was delightful and full of fantastic experiences.

Buckle up readers, it’s time for a trip report.

IS – Iceland

Before I did these Trip Reports, we made a trip to Iceland in the Spring of 2015 and spent a solid week driving all over the western side of the country. Back then, we had the brilliant idea to camp, but intense winds and heavy rains quickly dispelled that notion. But the stark otherworld-like beauty was compelling, and Iceland has since haunted me. Even then, I knew going back would always be a part of our future. It also helps that Iceland is an easy seven-hour flight from Seattle, often serves as a connection to Europe, and was an airport where we could meet up with Norwegian Air. So… kismet. I guess.

We were in the country only briefly, just a handful of days. But we spent time hanging out at the Blue Lagoon (something we missed on our first trip) and having an amazing meal at Matur og Drykkur, a restaurant near Reykjavík Harbor. Nature was secondary this time around. We wanted to start this trip relaxed, and it didn’t disappoint. Our lodging—a remote cabin overlooking a fjord with a hot tub—only enhanced that relaxation.

NO – Oslo, Norway

Norway was also a familiar experience for us. We had been there back in 2012 to visit some of Kari-Lise’s family and explore the country. But our time in Oslo on that initial trip had been limited—we managed a few things but never felt like we understood Oslo. We wanted to experience more of the city this time before moving on to our next destination; we had two days.

It was an extensive two days. Our flight into Oslo had been delayed, so we ended up at the Oslo Airport after the buses and trains stopped running. Thankfully we managed to split a cab with two fellow passengers (thank you, Palmi and Spencer!) Our hotel was fantastic, but by the time we got there, it was nearly two A.M. – with sunrise only a few hours around the corner, Kari-Lise convinced me to watch the sunrise and join the Oslo Seniors during Russ (the Norwegian equivalent of Rush.)

Sunrise achieved, we crashed out and woke up just in time to grab breakfast and join in the festivities for Syttende Mai—Norway’s Constitution Day. This begins with an adorable children’s parade, complete with marching bands, and everyone—many of whom are garbed in Bunads (the traditional folk dress of Norway)—gets hammered in the streets. People set up feast tables. Vendors run stalls from the corner selling drinks and pølse (hotdogs). Concerts are set up all over the city. Restaurants opened up temporary clubs, and people were reveling well before mid-afternoon. We had dinner reservations that evening, and by the next day, most of Oslo was closed and/or hungover. But we had fun exploring the city, scoping out public art, eating shockingly delicious ramen, and spending time in the sun. I got sunburned in Oslo. Go figure.

FR – Paris, France

With Oslo and Iceland behind us, we caught a flight to Paris, the centerpiece of this adventure. It’s Paris! It’s our 20th Anniversary! The international city of romance! Ooh la la, ah, oui oui.

This was Kari-Lise and my first time in Paris. It’s hard to compare that city to anywhere else. It’s ancient. It’s dense. It’s sprawling. It’s impossible to fully encapsulate. It’s easy to get around. It’s cheap (to eat and move through), yet it’s somehow expensive (to live and sleep.) We all know it. Yet we know so very little. Paris is a place of contrasts. Things I expected and yet somehow completely different.

“There is never any ending to Paris and the memory of each person who has lived in it differs from that of any other.”

Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

I am not the first foreigner to describe Paris or what it is like to navigate her streets. To say she is overwhelming and chaotic seems like a disservice, yet to add that she is phenomenal and magical seems like an understatement. I loved it. We walked over eighty miles in the seven days we visited. To appericate a city like Paris takes the same skill as appreciating the wilds of a National Park—you need to let the wildness, no matter how it manifests, wash over you. You need to get caught up in the motion and respect it for what it is—if you do that, you might get a glimpse of what makes it unique and beloved, but if you resist, it’ll drown you.

Here we met up with the Rushings and their adorable cavalier, Gnarlie. They had previously lived in Paris for a few years and now reside in Switzerland. (Jim’s excellent novel RADIO is set during jazz-age Paris. Go read it.) The last time we traveled with them was in Amsterdam in 2019, and it was fantastic spending time with them once again. Their knowledge of the city allowed us to experience more than we would have by ourselves. (And their language skills were appreciated.) We hit a few classic tourist sites: the Louvre, the Catacombs, and we spent a day at Versailles. But we also crawled around the stalls in the Marché Aux Puces, picnicked in Parc de Belleville, visited the delightfully weird Musée de la Chasse et de la Nature, lurked among the cafes of the Long Generation, and Jim and I explored Cimetière du Père Lachaise.

Paris’ immensity means there’s always something else we could have seen; another site or museum is always around the corner. Part of the charm and magic of the place is that it leaves you with unfinished business. Hemingway was right when he said Paris has no end. Return visits are guaranteed. The Pompidou and Musée d’Orsay are on the list for the future, and next visit, I want to rent an apartment to take better advantage of the boulangeries, fromageries, and boucheries.

CH – Confoederatio Helvetica (Switzerland)

One four-hour high-speed train later, the five of us found ourselves in Switzerland. Baden served as our home base, but we made many road trips (Thanks, Jim!) to see the sites around the country. Baden is a delightful little city tucked into the hills of northern Switzerland, and it’s got a wonderful hot spring-fed spa, a great little brewery, and a relaxed vibe. I see the charm. From there, we took trips to St. Gallen in Eastern Switzerland to see an incredible 8th-century library. We popped up to Colmar, France, which is a cute little town in Riesling country. We poked around Freiburg, Germany, and saw their incredible old cathedral. We visited the H. R. Giger Museum in the charming walled city of Gruyères. We ate so much German food. It was all wonderful, and we appreciate the Rushings giving so much of their time to show us the sites. But, the nucleus was a long weekend trip to the Lauterbrunnen Valley.

I have been all over the world, and there isn’t a place like the Lauterbrunnen Valley. Nestled in the heart of the Bernese Alps, it reminded me of Yosemite National Park with stunning thousand-foot cliffs and spectacular waterfalls (there are 72 in the whole valley), but it’s Yosemite with Glacier National Park sitting on its shoulders. Massive snow-encased peaks (the Eiger, the Mönch, and the Jungfrau, being notable) rise above the cliffs and falls, crisscrossed with incredible trails—and it’s all accessible. Cable cars will lift you from the valley floor, taking you to the small villages of Mürren or Gimmelwald, nestled on hillsides above. As paragliders descend around you, one can take another three cable cars to the nearly ten-thousand-foot peak Piz Gloria, and the views along the way never quit. Easily one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen, and we made the most of it. We visited the peak, we had lunch overlooking one of the most spectacular views of my life, we took a small hike from Mürren down to Gimmelwald, and we enjoyed some Schwarz Mönch. (Arguably one of the better beers on the trip.) Living in the Pacific Northwest, I thought I was desensitized to gorgeous mountainscapes, but the Lauterbrunnen Valley dissuaded me from that notion. Absolutely breathtaking and easily the centerpiece of our trip to Switzerland.

Advice and TipsFlying East? If your flight gets in early in the morning, book your lodging a day in advance. Your room will be ready, and it makes it much easier to roll in and crash for a bit. (Hotels generally want notice for this—self-check-in AirBnBs don’t usually care.)Spend time in spas. They’re worth it.Don’t be afraid of Paris’ metro, the signage is excellent, and Google Maps is helpful. The system is easy to navigate, and unless you’re up for a lot of walking, it will reduce travel times.That said, walk. (If you can.) If you want to experience the soul of a place, you need to get in the middle of it. Walking puts you in the center, and you learn the current and eddies far sooner than sequestering yourself away in a vehicle. It’s also healthy. So, bonus.If you go to Versaille (and you should, it’s otherworldly) after you finish up with the Palace tour, make your way to Hameau de la Reine first, then work your way back through the Palace Grounds. (Thanks to Jim and Kelcey for this tip.)

The web is awash with travel blogs and reports of this kind, often of the same places and experiences. Half of Paris feels like visitors; they’re all taking similar pictures, going to the same places, and journaling in their journals. Paris has inspired artists, writers, and musicians for thousands of years. It’s no wonder they want to talk about it.

It’s easy to feel pressured to wax poetic on the nature of travel and the experiences therein. I’ve done it before. But this time around, with this trip, it was a little different. This vacation ended up being more of a celebration. A celebration of Kari-Lise and my marriage, yes. But also a celebration of the moment, be those moments of stunning beauty, delicious food, time with good friends, or engaging art. Sometimes that’s what’s needed in a trip. Not some exposure of the soul, but a replenishment. We loved galavanting around Europe, and we came away wishing it could have been longer—sometimes, that is the best thing you can say about a trip.

Want to stay in touch with me? Sign up for Dead Drop, my rare and elusive newsletter. Subscribers get news, previews, and notices on my books before anyone else delivered directly to their inbox. I work hard to ensure it’s not spammy and contains interesting and relevant information. Sign Up Today →

A Good Girl

I have been dreading this post. It’s as if somehow writing it instills a permanence into reality, a permanence I don’t want to acknowledge. Saying goodbye is never easy; somehow, writing about it feels like a culmination. A few weeks ago, we had to say goodbye to our 16-year-old toy poodle, Sugar. We knew it was coming. Suge had been dealing with heart and kidney issues for over a year, but when it finally came, it felt like our world had collapsed. We loved her dearly. She was a good girl.

With her loss, we are now petless for the first time in over sixteen years. The house feels so hollow without her presence. As with Tyrant before her, my brain has been playing tricks on me. I keep expecting to see her marching around the house, coming to greet me when I get home from work, or anticipating her snooting about as I wake up. Habits I formed as a pet owner that grew as we learned to care for an elderly dog aren’t necessary. There’s a Suge shaped hole in my life.

Sugar wasn’t the dog we planned or intended to get. She came to us after her previous owners gave her up. At the time, we thought she’d make an excellent companion to our other toy poodle, Tyrant. (Not sure if he ever fully agreed.) Early on, she was wary and untrusting of me and other large men, but over the years, that mellowed, and it was always a delight when she rushed to greet me after an absence. (There’s a reason she eventually received the nickname “Girlfriend,” Tyrant generally adored his mom, and Suge generally adored me.)

She brought an irreplaceable vibrance to our home, whether hanging out on the couch, joining Kari-Lise in the garden, cuddling in bed, or lying next to me (or at least within eyesight) as I wrote in my office. She was whip-smart, always a little devious, and kept us on our toes. She was bossy and brash and became the defacto leader of our pet brigade, and she believed herself to be a much bigger dog than she was. (An attitude that cost her an eye and never dissipated even after that injury.)

Those who knew her experienced her energy and excitement firsthand. She was quick to greet, scold, play, or snuggle. Even in her advanced years, toothless, deaf, and mostly blind, she behaved like a much younger dog. Eager for walks. Eager for discovery. Eager to be near us. She loved red wine her whole life (don’t give your dogs wine), and specifically hated the song “Happy Birthday,” howling in protest whenever it was sung (sing to your dogs). She was in many ways the gravitational center of our household.

I am so grateful you were in my life Sugar, and I am glad we were able to spend so much time together over these last few years. You were an amazing companion; the lessons I learned from you made me a better person. Thank you for everything. Thank you for spending your life with us. Thank you for loving us and keeping us engaged with the world.

My friend Richie shared a C. S. Lewis quote with me shortly after you left, and I keep thinking about it: “The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That’s the deal.” As ponderous as this pain has felt over these last few weeks, I’d still take that deal a thousand times over. You were worth it. I miss you, girl.

The “Quiet Corners” Collection Has a New Home

I’ve been experimenting with video content for TikTok and Instagram’s Reels for the last few years. No, I’m not doing reaction videos to people cooking or lip-syncing to someone else’s song. I’ve mostly been building off my work with the “Old Haunts” series, aping off the short looping mise en scène style and trying some new stuff that is weird and occasionally creepy. I’ve been calling these experiments “Quiet Corners.”

They’ve been fun to make, and the verticle phone screen is an exciting format, but this work takes time to make. The algorithms tend to favor creators who take weeks or months between posting new content. So it always felt like I was throwing my work into a void. To solve that, I’ve launched a new Reader Resource page specifically for “Quiet Corners.” Check it out here.

From now on, any experimental videos I create will be added there. I don’t totally consider “Quiet Corners” canon the way I do with “Old Haunts,” but they’re all set in Lovat and the world of the Territories, so don’t be surprised if there are hints and details that expand the world a bit more and connect to other stories playing out.

Enjoy the videos, everyone!

It’s a Major Award!

I unlocked an achievement in Grammarly today.

Two-hundred and eighty straight weeks of writing. Well, using Grammarly—which I use all the time. I’ve been waiting on this one for a while, I even made sure to write when I was in Scotland last year to make sure I kept the streak alive, and I’m honestly pretty proud to have hit this mark. It’s a neato milestone sort of thing.

For those wondering, I actually really like Grammarly’s service, and I’d recommend it wholeheartedly. It’s improved a lot over the years, and while it won’t replace an editor anytime soon, it’s good for blogging and first drafts and finds many of my stupid sloppy mistakes. They didn’t pay me to talk about this. Just doing it because I appreciate their product.

Okay, back to writing.

Zuodong: A Free 17th Century Brush Set for Fantasy Maps

When I launched Ishikawa last November, I wrote about how I wanted to diversify my brush sets and expand into techniques that weren’t exclusively European. Following that goal, I am happy to announce the release of Zuodong, a cartography brush set extracted from four woodblock print maps coming from 廣東輿圖 (Map of Guangdong), an atlas and gazetteer depicting the various settlements and locations of the Chinese province of Guangdong during the Qing dynasty. It’s a fantastic collection with mountain-profile signs and symbols rendered in a Chinese-calligraphy aesthetic, but the rough woodblock printing technique gives the whole set a lived-in feel that helps it stand out.

All my Map Tools will always be free. Want to help support this work?
Click here to learn how.

A sample of the settlement brushes you’ll find in Zuodong

The gazetteer this set comes from was first published in 1685 and was compiled by at least four cartographers, two primary Jiang Yi ( 蔣伊), Han Zuodong (韓作棟), with supplemented maps drawn by Lu Shi (盧士) and Liu Ren (劉任). I couldn’t find much information about any of the creators and often found others with the same name that were clearly not these folks. Since all have fairly common names, I chose “Zuodong” on a whim. Though I should stress that he was most likely not responsible for everything included in this set.

More of Zuodong’s brush offerings

With so many creators working on this work, and no unified scale, don’t be surprised to find some of the sizes of the brushes here will vary wildly. The four maps I used were all phenomenal, but they are essentially illustrations of the various locations within the province. As a result, I found Zuodong a little trickier to use than other sets. Especially when trying to create a unified look between the landmasses and rivers and the mountains, floral, and settlements within the brush set. Be willing to take your time here and adjust as necessary.

As with Ishikawa, I removed any of the Hànzì from the signs and symbols; almost everything in the original atlas is named or detailed, so pulling that text out should make it all more versatile. Inside Zuodong, you’ll find over 300 brushes, including…

24 Buildings of various sizes3 Bridges7 Pagodas4 “Forts”25 Regular Cities8 Large Cities2 Huge Cities3 Unique Cities10 Unique Settlements45 Hills50 Mountains2 Unique Landforms24 “Fields”40 “Wilds”20 Regular Forests10 Forests with Villages4 Unique Forests62 Waves4 Cartouches (I’m being generous here.)

But that’s not all!

I’m also making another set available to download separately, something fun to add a little extra historical authenticity to your maps. The Zoudong Bonus Seals and Markers includes some Chinese Seals (often called chop marks or chops) I used in my sample map below. These were extracted from three sources: Night-Shining White by Han Gan, Old Trees, Level Distance by Guo Xi, and Orchids and bamboo by Zheng Xie. While seals spread beyond China, all included in this set came from Chinese sources. Thanks to some help from user nomfood on Reddit, most have been translated. But there are a thousand more examples on the internet, so plenty can be found if you’re wanting something specific.

Some of the various seals you’ll find in the bonus set

Zoudong Bonus Seals and Markers include…

1 Non-Historic Dragon Seal25 Historic seals of various sizes10 Hollow Square Markers10 Solid Square Markers

The button below links to a ZIP file that contains a Photoshop brush set (it’ll also work with GIMP, Affinity Photo, and I’m told Procreate now) as well as a large transparent PNG, Settlements & Landforms (3.3 Mb), Flora & Cartouches (3 Mb), in case you’re using a program that doesn’t support Adobe brush files. They’re black and on a transparent background, so they’ll look broken in some browsers, but trust me, they’re all there. Like this set? Click here to learn how you can support this project.

DOWNLOAD ZUODONG

Download Zuodong Bonus Seals & Markers

As with all of my previous brush sets, Zuodong is free for any use. I distribute my sets with a Creative Common, No Rights Reserved License (CC0), which means you can freely use this and any of my brushes in personal or commercial work and distribute adaptations. No attribution is required. Easy peasy!

Enjoy Zuodong? Feel free to show me what you created by emailing me or finding me on Twitter. I love seeing how these brushes get used, and I’d be happy to share your work with my readers. Let me see what you make!

Zuodong in Use

Want to see how I’ve used this set? You can see the results below. As with Ishikawa, it is a blend of styles, but I am pleased with the end results. There are three versions, a colored, black and white, and a decorated sample. Click on any of the images below to view them larger. Perhaps this will inspire you as you get started on your projects! Feel free to use these for whatever you want. Your next book? A TTRPG campaign? Lots of possibilities.

4000×3000 (12 MB) 4000×3000 (8.2 MB) 1080×1360 (1.6 MB)

Sample Details: Location names were taken from various places and points of interest from China’s Qiannan Buyei and Miao Autonomous Prefecture. The font I used is Brughler Regular, which was licensed from Envato Elements. The paper texture is from True Grit Texture Supply’s Infinite Pulp, and they’re also where I got Atomica, which gives me ink-like effects for the text, the roads, the borders, basically everything—big fan of their tools.

Support this Work

Brushes and tools released through the #NoBadMaps project will always be free and released under a public domain CC0 license. If you’d like to support the project and help me cover the cost of hosting, research, and tool-set development, I’ve put together three ways you can help, and all are detailed below.

Buy My Books→

I’m not just a map enthusiast. I’m also a novelist! The easiest way to support me (and get something in return) is by purchasing one of my cosmic horror urban fantasy novels.

❦

Buy Me a Coffee→

A simple and quick way to support the #NoBadMaps project is through a one-time donation of any amount via ko-fi. Your support helps keep this project going and is appreciated.

❦

Join my Patreon→

If you want to continually support the #NoBadMaps project through a reoccurring monthly contribution, consider joining my Patreon and get sneak peeks into what’s coming.

❦

More Map Brushes

This is just one of many brush sets and map tools I’ve released. You can find it and other free brushes covering a wide variety of historical styles on my Fantasy Map Brushes page. Every set is free, distributed under a CC0 license, and open for personal or commercial use. I’m sure you’ll be able to find something that works for your project. Click the button below to check them out!

view more Fantasy Map Brushes

Want to stay in touch with me? Sign up for Dead Drop, my rare and elusive newsletter. Subscribers get news, previews, and notices on my books before anyone else delivered directly to their inbox. I work hard to ensure it’s not spammy and contains interesting and relevant information. Sign Up Today →

Raunch Review: The Blacktongue Thief

Raunch Reviews is a series about profanity. Not real profanity, but speculative swearing. Authors often try to incorporate original, innovative forms of profanity into our own fantastical works as a way to expand the worlds we build. Sometimes we’re successful. Often we’re not. In this series, I examine the faux-profanity from various works of sci-fi and fantasy, judge their effectiveness, and rate them on an unscientific and purely subjective scale. This is Raunch Reviews. Welcome.

The Authors: Christopher BuehlmanWork in Question: The Blacktongue Thief The Profanity: “Kark”

Language is a funny thing serving not only as communication but as a window into a culture. The language you speak daily reflects your culture, your values, beliefs, and opinions. Without cultural context, a word or phrase may not hit the same way. This is doubly so in the world of profanity. What is profane here isn’t always profane elsewhere. Connotations require foreknowledge to be effective. I’ve discussed before how there are a few Chinese egg-centric curses that don’t translate into anything remotely offensive in Western culture but are often very offensive in China. That is the context we’re talking about, and that context matters.

Enter the fantasy world of Christopher Buehlman’s The Blacktongue Thief and its phenomenal faux-profanity “kark.” Throughout the book, it’s used in a variety of ways as a verb, adjective, and noun. We also see it used alongside more traditional real-world profanity as well. The word would already work well on its own, but it gets the added benefit of being a worldbuilding tool. Buehlman gives us the cultural context that makes it sing.

Within the kingdoms of Galtia and Norholt the word translates as “a wet fart.” On its own, it isn’t all that offensive. It’s mild grade-school bathroom humor. But, within the story, we get to see the cultural context and how “kark” evolved into a more impolite expletive and how it’s wielded by the native speakers. It’s also just fun to say.

While it might not offend English speakers (or mildly offend, if you’re irascible), it clearly strikes harder in the Holt Empire and serves as an excellent way to expand the world of The Blacktongue Thief through language.

Final Score: 5.0 Previous Raunch Reviews “Slag” from Larry DiTillio & Bob Forward’s Beast Wars: Transformers “Critch” from René Echevarria & Travis Beacham’s Carnival Row “Hippikaloric” from L. Frank Baum’s Wizard of Oz (Series) “Stars and Stones” from Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files “Karabast” from Simon Kinberg, Dave Filoni, & Carrie Beck’s Star Wars: Rebels “Pashangwala” from Daniel Abraham, Ty Franck, & Nick Farmer’s The Expanse “Space!” from Isaac Asimov’s Foundation “petaQ” from Gene Roddenberry’s Star Trek “Felgercarb” from Glen A. Larson’s Battlestar Galactica (1978) “Hood’s [Body Part]” from Steven Erikson’s Malazan Book of the Fallen Series “Andreste’s Flaming Knickers” from David Gaider & BioWare’s Dragon Age Series “Fangbanger” from Alan Ball’s True Blood “Mit’ka” from Brad Wright & Jonathan Glassner’s Stargate SG-1 “Merlin’s Beard” from J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series “Drokk” from John Wagner & Carlos Ezquerra’s Judge Dredd “Skin Job” from Hampton Fancher & David Peoples’ Blade Runner “Frag” from J. Michael Straczynski’s Babylon 5 “Gorram” from Joss Whedon’s Firefly “Prawn” from Neill Blomkamp & Terri Tatchell’s District 9 “By the Firsts” from K. M. Alexander’s Bell Forging Cycle “Smurf” from Raja Gosnell & Jordan Kerner’s The Smurfs (2011) “Dren” from Rockne S. O’Bannon’s Farscape “Quiznak” from J. Dos Santos & L. Montgomery’s Voltron: Legendary Defender “Smeg” from Rob Grant and Doug Naylor’s Red Dwarf “Burn Me” from Robert Jordan’s The Wheel of Time “Slitch” from Robert A. Heinlein’s Friday “Yarbles” from Anthony Burgess’ A Clockwork Orange “Cuss” from Wes Anderson’s Fantastic Mr. Fox “Feth” from Dan Abnett’s Gaunt’s Ghosts from Warhammer 40k “Shazbot” from Garry Marshall’s Mork & Mindy and Dynamix’s Starsiege: Tribes “Seven Hells” from George R. R. Martin’s A Song of Ice & Fire/Game of Thrones “Mudblood” from J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series “Frak” from Glen A. Larson’s, Ronald D. Moore’s, & David Eick’s Battlestar Galactica “Jabber” from China Miéville’s Bas-Lag series “Storm it”/”Storms”/”Storming” from Brandon Sanderson’s The Stormlight Archives

Have a suggestion for Raunch Reviews? It can be any made-up slang word from a book, television show, or movie. You can email me directly with your recommendation or leave a comment below. I’ll need to spend time with the property before I’ll feel confident reviewing it, so give me a little time. I have a lot of books to read.

It’s the Writing

“It’s the writing that teaches you.”

Isaac Asimov

Today is Mr. Asimov’s birthday, and I’ve always appreciated this quote and felt like it was a good day to share it. I’ve always been pleasantly surprised how writing, even my pulpy cosmic horror series, has expanded my own personal knowledge. It’s also National Science Fiction Day. To celebrate, I’ll continue reading the sixth book in The Expanse series, and perhaps finish 1899 tonight.

Happy 2023

Good riddance to 2022. Hello, 2023! Thanks for sticking around and being a reader of my blog. I truly appreciate you and hope your year is an excellent one. May you find love and joy and peace, and all that sappy stuff. May you surpass your goals. May your year be bright and full of many excellent things. I have not-so-very-cosmic-horror-y poetry for you!

In the past, I’ve shared H. P. Lovecraft’s silly Christmas poems, and I’ve shared his creepy Christmas poem, and I’ve shared his creepy Halloween poem! But the grandpappy of cosmic horror also wrote a New Year’s Day poem for his pal Munroe to send to his brother-in-law Smith, which I’ve posted below. Enjoy!

Verses Designed to be Sent by a Friend of the Author
to His Brother-in-Law on New-Year’s Day

by H.P. Lovecraft

Respected Smith, to mark the fleeting time,
Munroe salutes you in fraternal rhyme.
An infant year again the old o’erthrows;
Another twelvemonth meets its certain close.
May all your troubles, with the parting year
Depart as well; as surely disappear;
And may the new, with all-pervading peace,
Delight your heart, and ev’ry joy increase.

Happy 2023, dear reader.