Nancy Hale's Blog, page 2

Understanding Grief and Moving Forward

They say that the only things that are sure in life are taxes and death. You cannot leave here without experiencing death. When we experience the death of a loved one, we are faced with grief. Everyone grieves in their own way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Unfortunately, we do not have expiration dates stamped on the bottom of our feet. We never know when death will come, nor do we know how it will take us. There is no way to brace ourselves for the loss of a loved one. Death cuts deeply and leaves us numb and faced with a variety of emotions. There are no wrong emotions.

There are several books written about death and grief; however, until you experience a loss you don’t know what it is like. Each loss is unique. Grief is accumulative. Everyone deals with it and copes in their own way. Kübler-Ross describes the phases of grief. These phases are experienced in individual ways and on a variety of time tables. We all go through the stages at our own pace. Moving forward is a process and cannot be rushed. Getting accustomed to the environment without the loved one in it is often a life-long process. Their favorite song when it plays on the radio can trigger a flood of tears. Their lingering scent on the pillow beside where you last shared dreams together. You may find yourself running to the phone to call and share an exciting event with them, only to remember they are not there. During the grieving process you will experience a whole gamut of emotions. Don’t fight them; lean into them and understand it is all part of the process of grief. Allow yourself all the time you need. The rainbow offers us hope after the storm, so know that eventually, once the storms subside, there will be sunshine and you will feel joy again. Your loved one will always be with you. Your loved one will be like a tattoo on your heart and the memories will always be there to comfort you and give you courage to love again.

 

Reference

Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth. 1969. On Death and Dying. Scribner. Reprint edition.

 

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How to Help Children Adapt to Stepparents

The loss of a loved one is never easy, especially for children. When a parent suddenly passes away, their children are left with a void in their hearts, a gap in their lives that’s hard to fill even when their remaining parent re-marries. Yes, it can be a difficult situation to be in—especially on the children’s part. When new adult figures suddenly enter their lives as their stepparents, the kid’s heads are set abuzz with questions in their minds, such as what names should they call them. They wonder whether to listen to them or not.

Fortunately, the biological parents can help their kids adjust to living with their new stepparents. For starters, the parents need to acknowledge their children’s pain over losing a parent. Some kids worry that the new familial setup won’t last long. To dispel their discomfort, parents must listen to their fears and concerns. Parents should allow them to take things at their own pace so as to not rush things. Never make them feel like they’re alone in dealing with such loss.

Second, they should learn to be patient in dealing with them. Because having a stepparent is a bit hard to swallow for children, it may take time for them to adjust to things. Don’t worry—they’ll learn how to deal with it in their own terms.

Third, biological parents should remember to maintain good relationships with their children. The last thing they want is to make them feel that they’re losing love and affection from their own flesh and blood. To keep connections strong, suggest one-on-one activities with them.

Fourth, both the parent and the stepparent need to be patient. Don’t force or pressure children into getting along with new members of the family right away. However, stepparents can encourage them to form relationships. Allow the kids to develop such bonds naturally.

Fifth, children should be involved in the process of integration. Before making any major decisions, biological parents should talk to their kids first. That way, no feelings of resentment will develop.

Sixth, stepparents should never discipline their new children right away after they start living under the same roof. They should ease themselves into that role instead of nagging right off the bat.

Seventh, stepparents should reach out to their new children and play an important part in their lives. Although this may take some time and effort, it will eventually be worth it.

Lastly, remember that a smooth transition to a well-adjusted blended family life doesn’t happen overnight. Remember to take things slowly, one day at a time.

 

 

References

Mayo Clinic. 2015. “Stepfamilies: How to Help Your Child Adjust.” Accessed November 24, 2016. http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/childrens-health/in-depth/stepfamilies/art-20047046.

KidsHealth. “Living With Stepparents.” Accessed November 24, 2016. https://kidshealth.org/en/kids/blended.html.

Reich, Ashley. 2010. “Blended Families: Tips For Helping Kids Adjust.” The Huffington Post, September 12. Last modified May 25, 2011. Accessed November 24, 2016. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/09/blended-families-tips-for_n_794154.html.

 

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