S.D. Rudd's Blog, page 3

Let’s Talk About Books Baby, Let’s Talk About Ranks For Me

Crazy title for a blog, eh? It got you reading though!

Enough of that, let’s just get right in. I get asked all of the time how many book sales it takes to reach the bestsellers list. You know what? No one can honestly answer that question definitively.

Yeah, I Know, It Sucks, Right?

You thought you would get answers and all you get is the same old stuff you get from other people who don’t know what the devil they’re talking about. I get it. So why this blog posting? Oh…because…I may just have another theory similar to my last one but only a little less believable.

Again, if you have an issue…you know the rest.

Anyway.

I’m Not Going To Waste A Lot Of Time So Here Is My Book Ranking Theory

Amazon legends says that if you sell more than the rest, you become the best. Not rocket science! But, what does it take to become the best?

Quickly, I’ll show you.

This is my niche…

Probably why I like to keep you reading my blog posts…matter of fact, it’s probably why I plan to leave you hanging before the end of this post.

Anyway, my niche…a sub niche of a sub niche of a sub niche. Genius level stuff here.

Now, I want to get ranked for this niche…

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But…this niche has this many books in it…

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Which means it’s harder to get ranked in. In other news, the sub niche has this many books in its niche…

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…and will be a lot easier to rank high for.

So, let’s recap. My book is a “Suspense” novel but I want to rank for “Christian Fiction” but “Christian Fiction” has 15,700+ books I need to beat to get to the top while “Suspense” in the sub category of “Christian Fiction” has only 2600+ books I need to beat out to get to the top.

Following so far?

It’s easier to beat 2000 books than it is to beat 15,000 so I’ll take my chances with it instead. How do we do that?

I need to select this category path in KDP…

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Obviously, if this isn’t your niche, you would locate your own niche and sub niche instead. Now, why do we do this? Because Amazon’s algorithm will rank you for both the sub and main niche/category at the same time.

That’s why a lot of times you’ll see books ranking for 2-4 categories at once. This is because they’ve ranked high enough in the subcategories to be able rank for the main categories.

In other words, they’ve ranked so high in the easy sub niche that they have no choice but to rank higher for the bigger overflow niche since they’re both connected.

Like father like son. Typical. It’s just like having a bunch of glasses stacked up on top of each other like a pyramid.

You want to contain so much water that it fills up the bottom glasses so you keep pouring into the top one until the many bottom glasses have to take on the spillage.

And then you have abundance. Simple.

So How Many Books Does It Take?

I don’t know but I do have some research that I will unveil on the next blog post. You’ll just have to subscribe to my feed if you want to read it. Hey…don’t shoot me for being a good marketer.

What I Learned About Book Marketing and Amazon’s Algorithm

I haven’t been publishing long so I certainly am no expert in the field but one thing I am really good at is research. And that requires extreme testing.

Testing…a word that tastes good rolling over the tongue but doesn’t feel good going down the esophagus. It’s not beyond the norm to bang your head against a wall while testing a system, hoping to knock yourself unconscious before you come to your senses that this really hurts.

I’ve done that before, by the way. Not a very pleasant feeling.

Now I Step Away From The Tangent.

I have a few fictional novels on Amazon’s website and, just like most of you, I didn’t have a clue how to market my books to my targeted niche…and this coming from a 7 year online marketing veteran who does this full time.

Moving right along.

Even if I knew how to market my books to my niche, I still operated on a very abbreviated budget. You know how it is…you have $100 bucks to build a million dollar empire.

Oh…and you had to build it in 13 days because you had a bill due on day 14 that was either life or death or a combo pack. So…I unplugged from the Matrix. That’s right, I located Trinity and took the red pill because I wanted to see how deep the rabbit hole went and…

Thank God For Morpheus. He Taught Me A Lot!

Amazon was the rabbit hole; traditional marketing was the Matrix that I needed to get unplugged from. No more book reviews, pitching literary agents, submitting press releases and then waiting for rejections.

Nope.

Instead of relying on traditional marketing…the Matrix…I started researching how Amazon works. I knew that if I were to get ahead of the game, I needed to know how the Amazon ranking system operated.

Now, I want to say this. I know for a fact that I can’t one-hundred percent prove my theories…but I also know you can’t one-hundred percent disprove my theories either. I also know that here is no official documentation by Amazon that you can read that will tell you what I’ve discovered.

If there was, if Amazon told you exactly how their algorithms worked, it would be the collapse of the system. In addition, as soon as too many people figure it out, like Google, Amazon will change the algorithm pattern to keep relevant content ahead of the curve at all times.

So, the hunt I went on was more important than the books I actually wrote. I went on it…

And That’s When I Learned How Deep The Rabbit Hole Went.

Disclaimer alert! I am in no way saying this is the gospel of Jesus Christ and Amazon Saints. This is just what I’ve found. If you have an issue, hey, I don’t have any tissues…but I’m sure Amazon does if that’s what you want.

So, what makes Amazon’s algorithm work?

Well there are 5 key points you need to be aware of:

Amazon cares about how many paid downloads you have in a day.
Amazon cares about the price of your book.
Amazon cares about the 4 and 5 star rating reviews.
Amazon cares about how many comments Amazon users find helpful.
Amazon cares about how many paid downloads you have over a weekly period.

Simple enough?

So Let’s Jump Down Another Rabbit Hole Right Quick!

Amazon Cares 1: Paid daily downloads.

This should be straightforward but, in case it’s not, Amazon loves good books because good books make them money. Period. You want to hit the best sellers list for your niche or sub niche, sell more books than the others in your category on any given day. Instant bestseller status!

Amazon Cares 2: Price of your book.

Not that it’s obvious, because it’s not, but your book price matters. Again, the more money you make Amazon, the more valuable you are to them. I’ve noticed that Amazon ranks my higher priced books faster than my lower priced books.

I’ve had my $.99 cent books sell more units than my $2.99 priced books, in the same sub niche, but my $2.99 books ranked much higher.

My guess? At $.99 cents and 35% royalty that you earn, you make Amazon $.65 cents per book while your $2.99 book at 70% royalty makes them about $1.10…almost double. Now, we can debate selling more units at $.65 cent per unit earnings versus selling less units at $1.10 per unit earnings all day.

But, at the end of the day, we still don’t know how much it cost Amazon to deliver each download from their cloud servers.

In edition, I personally believe that Amazon wants to encourage you to sell your book higher and at the same volume as your lower priced books. Why? Because it makes them more money.

Simple business sense. So, this is just my theory, but I think higher priced books are ranking higher than lower priced books on Amazon these days. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Shoot me.

Amazon Cares 3: Review star rating.

Ok, obvious? You need good reviews. End of story. Dare I say go the John Locke route and buy a bunch of favorable reviews?

Only if you’re dishonest and only care about short term goals. If your work sucks and you buy a bunch of good reviews, eventually the real ones will come in and tank your book so get real ones and just write well.

The important issue here is value. Amazon sees you with a lot of good 4 and 5 star reviews, they see that it’s valuable on their website, it triggers the algorithms and you rank up. Simple.

Amazon Cares 4: How many comments are deemed helpful.

While it is impossible to determine how many comments need to be found by passerby’s as helpful to trigger the algorithms, just know that they are necessary for ranking up. It goes back to writing well and everything else takes care of itself.

Since we’re pushing that Amazon value button, the books with more positive comments found by users to be helpful tend to rank up faster in the search results. Amazon sees the growing value among its peers and wants to help more people find your book.

Amazon Cares 5: Paid downloads over a weekly period.

Now here is the most important part, so please pay attention!

So, you’ve sold a lot of daily books, right? It pushed up to the top 100 bestsellers for your niche. Awesome! But…that’s just one day. Anyone can be a one hit wonder by telling all of their friends and family to buy it on one day.

However, the successful authors can sell “top 100 in your niche” volume on a consistent basis. If you want to trigger the Amazon algorithms to get you ranked higher, to get more visibility and to get more sales, you have to keep selling day after day.

If you can keep up similar volume for at least a week…or if you hit #1 in your niche…Amazon will put you on the list of bestsellers for the month and do email list blasts promoting your books to the millions of subscribers on their mailing list.

And, you know what this means…money!

The point of all this is, if your marketing budget is non-existent (like mine is most of the time) then you have to milk the Amazon system for all it’s worth. Once the algorithms pick up the variables of your book stats, the rest will take care of itself.

What I Learned About Book Marketing and Amazon’s Algorithm

I haven’t been publishing long so I certainly am no expert in the field but one thing I am really good at is research. And that requires extreme testing.

Testing…a word that tastes good rolling over the tongue but doesn’t feel good going down the esophagus. It’s not beyond the norm to bang your head against a wall while testing a system, hoping to knock yourself unconscious before you come to your senses that this really hurts.

I’ve done that before, by the way. Not a very pleasant feeling.

Now I Step Away From The Tangent.

I have a few fictional novels on Amazon’s website and, just like most of you, I didn’t have a clue how to market my books to my targeted niche…and this coming from a 7 year online marketing veteran who does this full time.

Moving right along.

Even if I knew how to market my books to my niche, I still operated on a very abbreviated budget. You know how it is…you have $100 bucks to build a million dollar empire.

Oh…and you had to build it in 13 days because you had a bill due on day 14 that was either life or death or a combo pack. So…I unplugged from the Matrix. That’s right, I located Trinity and took the red pill because I wanted to see how deep the rabbit hole went and…

Thank God For Morpheus. He Taught Me A Lot!

Amazon was the rabbit hole; traditional marketing was the Matrix that I needed to get unplugged from. No more book reviews, pitching literary agents, submitting press releases and then waiting for rejections.

Nope.

Instead of relying on traditional marketing…the Matrix…I started researching how Amazon works. I knew that if I were to get ahead of the game, I needed to know how the Amazon ranking system operated.

Now, I want to say this. I know for a fact that I can’t one-hundred percent prove my theories…but I also know you can’t one-hundred percent disprove my theories either. I also know that here is no official documentation by Amazon that you can read that will tell you what I’ve discovered.

If there was, if Amazon told you exactly how their algorithms worked, it would be the collapse of the system. In addition, as soon as too many people figure it out, like Google, Amazon will change the algorithm pattern to keep relevant content ahead of the curve at all times.

So, the hunt I went on was more important than the books I actually wrote. I went on it…

And That’s When I Learned How Deep The Rabbit Hole Went.

Disclaimer alert! I am in no way saying this is the gospel of Jesus Christ and Amazon Saints. This is just what I’ve found. If you have an issue, hey, I don’t have any tissues…but I’m sure Amazon does if that’s what you want.

So, what makes Amazon’s algorithm work?

Well there are 5 key points you need to be aware of:

Amazon cares about how many paid downloads you have in a day.
Amazon cares about the price of your book.
Amazon cares about the 4 and 5 star rating reviews.
Amazon cares about how many comments Amazon users find helpful.
Amazon cares about how many paid downloads you have over a weekly period.

Simple enough?

So Let’s Jump Down Another Rabbit Hole Right Quick!

Amazon Cares 1: Paid daily downloads.

This should be straightforward but, in case it’s not, Amazon loves good books because good books make them money. Period. You want to hit the best sellers list for your niche or sub niche, sell more books than the others in your category on any given day. Instant bestseller status!

Amazon Cares 2: Price of your book.

Not that it’s obvious, because it’s not, but your book price matters. Again, the more money you make Amazon, the more valuable you are to them. I’ve noticed that Amazon ranks my higher priced books faster than my lower priced books.

I’ve had my $.99 cent books sell more units than my $2.99 priced books, in the same sub niche, but my $2.99 books ranked much higher.

My guess? At $.99 cents and 35% royalty that you earn, you make Amazon $.65 cents per book while your $2.99 book at 70% royalty makes them about $1.10…almost double. Now, we can debate selling more units at $.65 cent per unit earnings versus selling less units at $1.10 per unit earnings all day.

But, at the end of the day, we still don’t know how much it cost Amazon to deliver each download from their cloud servers.

In edition, I personally believe that Amazon wants to encourage you to sell your book higher and at the same volume as your lower priced books. Why? Because it makes them more money.

Simple business sense. So, this is just my theory, but I think higher priced books are ranking higher than lower priced books on Amazon these days. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Shoot me.

Amazon Cares 3: Review star rating.

Ok, obvious? You need good reviews. End of story. Dare I say go the John Locke route and buy a bunch of favorable reviews?

Only if you’re dishonest and only care about short term goals. If your work sucks and you buy a bunch of good reviews, eventually the real ones will come in and tank your book so get real ones and just write well.

The important issue here is value. Amazon sees you with a lot of good 4 and 5 star reviews, they see that it’s valuable on their website, it triggers the algorithms and you rank up. Simple.

Amazon Cares 4: How many comments are deemed helpful.

While it is impossible to determine how many comments need to be found by passerby’s as helpful to trigger the algorithms, just know that they are necessary for ranking up. It goes back to writing well and everything else takes care of itself.

Since we’re pushing that Amazon value button, the books with more positive comments found by users to be helpful tend to rank up faster in the search results. Amazon sees the growing value among its peers and wants to help more people find your book.

Amazon Cares 5: Paid downloads over a weekly period.

Now here is the most important part, so please pay attention!

So, you’ve sold a lot of daily books, right? It pushed up to the top 100 bestsellers for your niche. Awesome! But…that’s just one day. Anyone can be a one hit wonder by telling all of their friends and family to buy it on one day.

However, the successful authors can sell “top 100 in your niche” volume on a consistent basis. If you want to trigger the Amazon algorithms to get you ranked higher, to get more visibility and to get more sales, you have to keep selling day after day.

If you can keep up similar volume for at least a week…or if you hit #1 in your niche…Amazon will put you on the list of bestsellers for the month and do email list blasts promoting your books to the millions of subscribers on their mailing list.

And, you know what this means…money!

The point of all this is, if your marketing budget is non-existent (like mine is most of the time) then you have to milk the Amazon system for all it’s worth. Once the algorithms pick up the variables of your book stats, the rest will take care of itself.

The Reality Slap

The problem is me.

It always has been me. I just never realized it until much later on. What happens when a man forgets why he started everything in the first place?

He loses his vision and becomes useless. Even worse, he can’t tell you where he veered off course since it happened so long ago. The reality slap is the hardest one to take.

It’s the one that shows you how imperfect you really are, how blind you’ve really been for so long.

The reality slap makes you question your own motivations. Why did I do it this way? What is my real reason for doing it? Who am I doing it for? Reality has slapped me…hard.

Over the years I have tried to be everything to everybody. Everyone had a piece of me but never a whole me and I couldn’t figure out why nothing seemed to work or last for very long. Reality has slapped me hard…

The reality slap will teach you how useless you have been.

The reality slap will show you how much you need to change…now.

I’ve been spread too thin over the years and this has made me useless to any one person or cause. For who can attain true effectiveness while giving only a piece of himself to as many causes as possible?

And for what? To please everyone?

To make them happy?

Funny…the reality slap will teach you that they are never happy with you and, much worse, they can care less how much you sacrified for their benefit. It teaches you that they really didn’t need what they say they needed.

They needed a full you but you’ve altered your “you” to “fit” the demand, yet finding out that the full you was never what they wanted or needed in the first place. Reality has slapped you.

If the whole you wasn’t what they were looking for then the reality slap tells you that you gave yourself to the wrong person or persons.

Family, friend or business associate…it really doesn’t matter. Anytime you break yourself apart to have someone remain a factor in your life, you will be useless to that person and any other aspects of life. True usefulness is being you and letting them accept who you are.

Or keep walking…the reality slap.

It’s time for a change to be made but the only way you will ever see the light so that you can change…is if you allow reality to slap you without you slapping the reality back.

The Reality Slap

The problem is me.

It always has been me. I just never realized it until much later on. What happens when a man forgets why he started everything in the first place?

He loses his vision and becomes useless. Even worse, he can’t tell you where he veered off course since it happened so long ago. The reality slap is the hardest one to take.

It’s the one that shows you how imperfect you really are, how blind you’ve really been for so long.

The reality slap makes you question your own motivations. Why did I do it this way? What is my real reason for doing it? Who am I doing it for? Reality has slapped me…hard.

Over the years I have tried to be everything to everybody. Everyone had a piece of me but never a whole me and I couldn’t figure out why nothing seemed to work or last for very long. Reality has slapped me hard…

The reality slap will teach you how useless you have been.

The reality slap will show you how much you need to change…now.

I’ve been spread too thin over the years and this has made me useless to any one person or cause. For who can attain true effectiveness while giving only a piece of himself to as many causes as possible?

And for what? To please everyone?

To make them happy?

Funny…the reality slap will teach you that they are never happy with you and, much worse, they can care less how much you sacrified for their benefit. It teaches you that they really didn’t need what they say they needed.

They needed a full you but you’ve altered your “you” to “fit” the demand, yet finding out that the full you was never what they wanted or needed in the first place. Reality has slapped you.

If the whole you wasn’t what they were looking for then the reality slap tells you that you gave yourself to the wrong person or persons.

Family, friend or business associate…it really doesn’t matter. Anytime you break yourself apart to have someone remain a factor in your life, you will be useless to that person and any other aspects of life. True usefulness is being you and letting them accept who you are.

Or keep walking…the reality slap.

It’s time for a change to be made but the only way you will ever see the light so that you can change…is if you allow reality to slap you without you slapping the reality back.

Does Faith Need A Reason?

I don’t know why I believe. Most times the things I believe in don’t make sense.

I believe things will happen based on no material evidence; I even believe massive positive changes will occur when clear evidence is there but pointing to the opposite.

This makes me crazy. Or at least blind to reality…that’s what they say.

I’m living a fantasy and reality will hit me soon.

Real faith, they say, is based on tangible and noticeable facts to support it. In other words, faith needs a reason to exist. Does it really?

Does faith need a reason to be?

If there were reasons for it to exist, wouldn’t that mean it wasn’t faith anymore? Wouldn’t that make it a fact? So when someone tells me they’re going to arrive at BWI Airport 11:00am, has it happened yet? No, I’m going on their word that they will show up on time.

I’m going on the flight schedules and assuming no delays or cancellations will occur. Perhaps the person might change plans and take a later flight, call me later. Or the worst…the plane might crash, God forbid.

These are all factors that could change the outcome of the person arriving at 11:00am at BWI Airport. So when someone tells me they’re going to be there around that time, I assume that these mishaps will not occur and trusting that they will arrive on time.

During this period, it’s only speculation that they will actually arrive on time. Until they do, I believe they will be there when they say they will. I have faith.

What happens when they arrive on time?

I don’t have to trust they will be there anymore, they just are. No one has to believe what they already see in front of them. It’s already a fact.

Yet it takes faith to believe for what is supposed to happen but hasn’t yet, or what is hoped to happen but hasn’t happened yet. Now we have to trust that everything will work out alright.

Real faith.

It doesn’t need a reason to exist and as long as it doesn’t…I will continue to look crazy until I get the things hoped for through faith.

Does Faith Need A Reason?

I don’t know why I believe. Most times the things I believe in don’t make sense.

I believe things will happen based on no material evidence; I even believe massive positive changes will occur when clear evidence is there but pointing to the opposite.

This makes me crazy. Or at least blind to reality…that’s what they say.

I’m living a fantasy and reality will hit me soon.

Real faith, they say, is based on tangible and noticeable facts to support it. In other words, faith needs a reason to exist. Does it really?

Does faith need a reason to be?

If there were reasons for it to exist, wouldn’t that mean it wasn’t faith anymore? Wouldn’t that make it a fact? So when someone tells me they’re going to arrive at BWI Airport 11:00am, has it happened yet? No, I’m going on their word that they will show up on time.

I’m going on the flight schedules and assuming no delays or cancellations will occur. Perhaps the person might change plans and take a later flight, call me later. Or the worst…the plane might crash, God forbid.

These are all factors that could change the outcome of the person arriving at 11:00am at BWI Airport. So when someone tells me they’re going to be there around that time, I assume that these mishaps will not occur and trusting that they will arrive on time.

During this period, it’s only speculation that they will actually arrive on time. Until they do, I believe they will be there when they say they will. I have faith.

What happens when they arrive on time?

I don’t have to trust they will be there anymore, they just are. No one has to believe what they already see in front of them. It’s already a fact.

Yet it takes faith to believe for what is supposed to happen but hasn’t yet, or what is hoped to happen but hasn’t happened yet. Now we have to trust that everything will work out alright.

Real faith.

It doesn’t need a reason to exist and as long as it doesn’t…I will continue to look crazy until I get the things hoped for through faith.

Understanding The Price Of Being A True Leader

In life there are leaders and then there are followers. For the most part, followers are those that do the wrong things because society teaches them it’s the norm. Society teaches them that doing anything else is more than different, it’s unacceptable.

Of course, they are never described as “bad” things to do, just as if it’s cultural, natural, what’s common for a man or woman to do in this world and that the alternatives are uptight and boring.

Those who stand up and do something different than the crowd are often demonized, ostracized and criticized.

It just doesn’t seem fair to be different.

This has always been my issue in life. Running from the “fun” things because I held a higher moral code than the people who only threw their life away in the name of entertainment or self indulgence.

You know the type.

The “you only live once” types, the “life is short so do what you want to do without remorse” types…the free for all people who just go with the flow without regards of consequences that could result in the future. I was never any of these types of people; I was always the “think about the results first” type.

I was always boring…at least by their classifications.

Plainly put, I was different. But not by choice. I was different because I was raised differently. My line of reasoning stemmed heavily from the roots of Christianity, morality and the love of other people, which is the same thing. I’d watch everyone have a good time.

The partiers, the drinkers, the sex addicts, just all over the place doing anything and everything without remorse and without thought of what damage is being done to themselves and to those who care about them in their lives. While they “had fun” I would be in church.

While they had fun, I had to give my time to God. My body. My soul. My heart. My life…and it just didn’t seem fair.

It didn’t seem fair to me because with all of these things I’ve done to better myself, and did so by doing them, it seemed most people didn’t accept the goodness that was in me. I became that gentleman, that guy you know will always be there through it all, the one who apologizes for stuff he didn’t do just to save the friendship or the relationship.

I was….the nice guy.

The nice guy.

Always taking the higher road, even rebuilding entire highways when I wasn’t the one who destroyed them. Always being the first to forgive and then have to sit and listen to the forgivee take my words and throw them back at me, along with some new reasons for me to be upset with them.

Then, usually, because I was the nice guy, I’d lose the friendship. Or the relationship. Or even worse…lose it and then have to hear all the lies from third parties about how terrible I’ve been.

And because I was the nice guy, I refused to defend my character. A gentleman doesn’t entangle himself with the snares of rumors, he only keeps walking with his head held high, confident, that the lies don’t make him or describe him and that the truth will come out on its own…in time.

I used to question God about this.

Why did I have to be so different? Why could someone else slip up and take a drink but if I did it even once the world was coming to an end? Why did I have to forgive people who continue to do evil things behind my back with no intent to stop?

One day God answered me. He said “because you are a leader” and that’s when it hit me.

Being the nice guy was really the price of being a true leader in this world.

The leader doesn’t get noticed. The leader doesn’t get the credit when things go right. The leader can’t hold bitterness in his or her heart over anything…the leader can’t be like everyone else in the world. Why?

Because being the leader loses its affect when you blend in with the masses.

You’ll have to go through times where it doesn’t seem fair. You’ll be alone quite often, disappointed, hurt beyond all reason for no reason.

The leader has to work harder, think smarter, stretch longer and take the brunt of any attack that comes their way. The leader will forego perceived fun things for a higher morality, speak up when foolishness is in the building and stand up when no one has a hope left.

The leader is often cast down on a normal basis, so much, that it can often feel as if the weight of the world is on your shoulders and…people won’t respect you. They won’t like you. They won’t call you, they won’t talk to you, they’ll abandon you when you’re in need and call you crazy for not sacrificing your ideals.

So what is the point of being a leader?

For the seasons…

Seasons change.

Truth be told, they only criticized you because they want you to act a fool like them. Yet, they know you are an example and they know how to come to you when they get in trouble. Funny how the ones labeled square, boring or uptight are usually the best people to call when they need help.

After the help, suddenly, you’re not so boring or uptight anymore; suddenly, you just became the coolest person in the world to them.

You’re a leader, that’s why.

So now I embrace the different stance God has me on. When my friends tell me I need to lighten up and go to the strip club with them, it doesn’t phase me because I know that what they are doing is temporal and what I’m doing is eternal.

It doesn’t mean I’m boring. If anything, it just means I understand the price of being a true leader.

Understanding The Price Of Being A True Leader

In life there are leaders and then there are followers. For the most part, followers are those that do the wrong things because society teaches them it’s the norm. Society teaches them that doing anything else is more than different, it’s unacceptable.

Of course, they are never described as “bad” things to do, just as if it’s cultural, natural, what’s common for a man or woman to do in this world and that the alternatives are uptight and boring.

Those who stand up and do something different than the crowd are often demonized, ostracized and criticized.

It just doesn’t seem fair to be different.

This has always been my issue in life. Running from the “fun” things because I held a higher moral code than the people who only threw their life away in the name of entertainment or self indulgence.

You know the type.

The “you only live once” types, the “life is short so do what you want to do without remorse” types…the free for all people who just go with the flow without regards of consequences that could result in the future. I was never any of these types of people; I was always the “think about the results first” type.

I was always boring…at least by their classifications.

Plainly put, I was different. But not by choice. I was different because I was raised differently. My line of reasoning stemmed heavily from the roots of Christianity, morality and the love of other people, which is the same thing. I’d watch everyone have a good time.

The partiers, the drinkers, the sex addicts, just all over the place doing anything and everything without remorse and without thought of what damage is being done to themselves and to those who care about them in their lives. While they “had fun” I would be in church.

While they had fun, I had to give my time to God. My body. My soul. My heart. My life…and it just didn’t seem fair.

It didn’t seem fair to me because with all of these things I’ve done to better myself, and did so by doing them, it seemed most people didn’t accept the goodness that was in me. I became that gentleman, that guy you know will always be there through it all, the one who apologizes for stuff he didn’t do just to save the friendship or the relationship.

I was….the nice guy.

The nice guy.

Always taking the higher road, even rebuilding entire highways when I wasn’t the one who destroyed them. Always being the first to forgive and then have to sit and listen to the forgivee take my words and throw them back at me, along with some new reasons for me to be upset with them.

Then, usually, because I was the nice guy, I’d lose the friendship. Or the relationship. Or even worse…lose it and then have to hear all the lies from third parties about how terrible I’ve been.

And because I was the nice guy, I refused to defend my character. A gentleman doesn’t entangle himself with the snares of rumors, he only keeps walking with his head held high, confident, that the lies don’t make him or describe him and that the truth will come out on its own…in time.

I used to question God about this.

Why did I have to be so different? Why could someone else slip up and take a drink but if I did it even once the world was coming to an end? Why did I have to forgive people who continue to do evil things behind my back with no intent to stop?

One day God answered me. He said “because you are a leader” and that’s when it hit me.

Being the nice guy was really the price of being a true leader in this world.

The leader doesn’t get noticed. The leader doesn’t get the credit when things go right. The leader can’t hold bitterness in his or her heart over anything…the leader can’t be like everyone else in the world. Why?

Because being the leader loses its affect when you blend in with the masses.

You’ll have to go through times where it doesn’t seem fair. You’ll be alone quite often, disappointed, hurt beyond all reason for no reason.

The leader has to work harder, think smarter, stretch longer and take the brunt of any attack that comes their way. The leader will forego perceived fun things for a higher morality, speak up when foolishness is in the building and stand up when no one has a hope left.

The leader is often cast down on a normal basis, so much, that it can often feel as if the weight of the world is on your shoulders and…people won’t respect you. They won’t like you. They won’t call you, they won’t talk to you, they’ll abandon you when you’re in need and call you crazy for not sacrificing your ideals.

So what is the point of being a leader?

For the seasons…

Seasons change.

Truth be told, they only criticized you because they want you to act a fool like them. Yet, they know you are an example and they know how to come to you when they get in trouble. Funny how the ones labeled square, boring or uptight are usually the best people to call when they need help.

After the help, suddenly, you’re not so boring or uptight anymore; suddenly, you just became the coolest person in the world to them.

You’re a leader, that’s why.

So now I embrace the different stance God has me on. When my friends tell me I need to lighten up and go to the strip club with them, it doesn’t phase me because I know that what they are doing is temporal and what I’m doing is eternal.

It doesn’t mean I’m boring. If anything, it just means I understand the price of being a true leader.

To Disprove The Lie Or To Tell The Truth?

I dislike liars.

You could spend time disproving them but why take away their only claim to fame? They made their “fame” by dragging your name all over the place with information they know is incorrect. And they say if you don’t defend it, it must be true but I beg to differ.

My unwillingness to defend a lie only means that I find them too inferior to lay too much of my personal time on.

Only a fool needs to lie, a bigger fool believes what doesn’t add up and I’d be the king of fools if I tried to show 2 fools they are foolish. You have better things to do with your time.

Like continuing to be who you really are.

Do that and let them have fun lying until your consistent walk shows them the truth instead of your excessive words. Just a quick thought.