Michael Gates's Blog, page 63
October 2, 2013
Photo of the Week: Evil Clown
After my Great Aunt Mildred died, I inherited this ancient cast-iron clown/automaton, which I remember her scaring me with as a tot. Press a button on the back and its eyes blink and it sticks its tongue out at you -- which used to make me cry. That she left it to me in her will may have been an act of sheer perversity. Or perhaps a way of making amends for terrifying me with it. The appraised auction value of this weighty little monster is over $2000.
Actually, I just made that up. This is an antique clown-shaped piggy bank I photographed last August at the Bouckeville Antiques fair. Click the pic for a close-up view... if you dare.
October 1, 2013
Much Ado about NOTHING
Free Money
I looked down and there it was: a small, folded piece of green and gray paper on the sidewalk, with the number 20 printed on one corner. The Victorian font made it look like a twenty-dollar bill, but I doubted it. Probably a coupon or an advertisement for some 900-number phone-sex scam, I thought, picking it up (just in case). I unfolded it, and there he was: Andrew Jackson with his shock of wind-swept hair, looking more like a mad scientist than a 19th-century president. A real twenty -- or was it? I held it up to the sun, half expecting it to be counterfeit. The ghostly little hologram of Jackson's face appeared. Genuine. What luck! Right away, as I stuffed it into my pocket, I began to feel guilty. Who had dropped it? Probably some cash-strapped single mom with a squalling baby to feed. I thought about spending it, saving it, donating it to charity, or even dropping it. Surely someone more deserving than middle-class me would find it, someone who regularly stooped to pick up all the lost pennies I was too lazy to retrieve from the sidewalk. Before I could decide, I arrived back home from my walk. Ambivalence, my old enemy, had triumphed again. Only this time I was $20 richer in defeat. For now, the improbable bill resides in my wallet, in my back pocket. I'm sitting on it, warming it, thinking about it, but I'll probably forget about it sooner or later. And it will disappear, like all the others, into some merchant's cash register. Easy go.
I looked down and there it was: a small, folded piece of green and gray paper on the sidewalk, with the number 20 printed on one corner. The Victorian font made it look like a twenty-dollar bill, but I doubted it. Probably a coupon or an advertisement for some 900-number phone-sex scam, I thought, picking it up (just in case). I unfolded it, and there he was: Andrew Jackson with his shock of wind-swept hair, looking more like a mad scientist than a 19th-century president. A real twenty -- or was it? I held it up to the sun, half expecting it to be counterfeit. The ghostly little hologram of Jackson's face appeared. Genuine. What luck! Right away, as I stuffed it into my pocket, I began to feel guilty. Who had dropped it? Probably some cash-strapped single mom with a squalling baby to feed. I thought about spending it, saving it, donating it to charity, or even dropping it. Surely someone more deserving than middle-class me would find it, someone who regularly stooped to pick up all the lost pennies I was too lazy to retrieve from the sidewalk. Before I could decide, I arrived back home from my walk. Ambivalence, my old enemy, had triumphed again. Only this time I was $20 richer in defeat. For now, the improbable bill resides in my wallet, in my back pocket. I'm sitting on it, warming it, thinking about it, but I'll probably forget about it sooner or later. And it will disappear, like all the others, into some merchant's cash register. Easy go.
September 30, 2013
Link Mania: Twitter Litter
Lonely on Twitter? An outfit called Social News Watch, which claims to have been "keeping a close watch over social media since 1874" (huh?), has compiled a list of the Top 237 Twitter Users Who Will Follow You Back. These are power tweeters, with 10,000 to as many as 100,000+ followers, who apparently have a compulsion to follow anyone who follows them. She's not on the list, but have I told you that Yoko Ono follows me?
September 26, 2013
Word of the Day: operose
What's "the word I'm thinking of"? Today, it's....
operose [OP-er-owss](adjective)
Industrious; diligent
Before his morning coffee, Winston was comatose; afterward, he was operose.
operose [OP-er-owss](adjective)
Industrious; diligent
Before his morning coffee, Winston was comatose; afterward, he was operose.
September 25, 2013
Random Sequence
"Uh huh," David said. They were at the door, and he was fumbling in his pocket under his coat. The sleet was stinging his face, and it seemed to take forever to fish the key out. He could feel her looking at him, but when he looked up, expecting to see impatience, she only looked sad.
"Want some coffee?" he asked when they were finally inside. She nodded. While he fixed it, she sat at the kitchen table, resting her face on her hands and letting her hair fall forward. She seemed to be examining the grain of the wooden table, as if her story was recorded there."
--from "Long Lost" (by me), originally published in Think.
"Want some coffee?" he asked when they were finally inside. She nodded. While he fixed it, she sat at the kitchen table, resting her face on her hands and letting her hair fall forward. She seemed to be examining the grain of the wooden table, as if her story was recorded there."
--from "Long Lost" (by me), originally published in Think.
September 24, 2013
Search Party
Here's another collection of recent search queries that brought seekers to this temple of scribomania, featuring the usual mix of obscure enthusiasms, weird obsessions, and trivial pursuits.
You have the vocabulary of an aspidistra in panic
An aspidistra is a flowering plant and also the name for "a British mediumwave radio transmitter used for black propaganda and military deception purposes against Nazi Germany during World War II," according to Wikipedia. I think I'd rather have the vocabulary of the latter, though when panic sets in, I probably sound more like the former.
diving bell and the butterfly
A fascinating French film about a stroke victim. For when you're in an insouciant mood.
rudolph the nasally empowered reindeer
It's a little early for Xmas, politically correct or not.
shoot luke or give up the gun
Give up the gun, I say.
komputery
We are, aren't we?
You have the vocabulary of an aspidistra in panic
An aspidistra is a flowering plant and also the name for "a British mediumwave radio transmitter used for black propaganda and military deception purposes against Nazi Germany during World War II," according to Wikipedia. I think I'd rather have the vocabulary of the latter, though when panic sets in, I probably sound more like the former.
diving bell and the butterfly
A fascinating French film about a stroke victim. For when you're in an insouciant mood.
rudolph the nasally empowered reindeer
It's a little early for Xmas, politically correct or not.
shoot luke or give up the gun
Give up the gun, I say.
komputery
We are, aren't we?
September 23, 2013
Head Rattle
I.My book is entitled The Word I'm Thinking Of, which is a phrase from a Beatles song ("The Word"). I discovered today that there's also a song by Sam Radseresht with the same title. (You can hear a sample from it on iTunes.) Meh. I don't think I'll be making it my theme song.II.I wonder how many Tea Party people actually drink tea, or whether they serve tea at their rallies. They seem much more like Kool-Aid drinkers to me.
III.House flies only live for up to 14 days, I'm told, but I read an interesting article that points out that, to a fly, 14 days might seem like 80 years. They can process nearly seven times as much information in a second as a human -- which is why they are so hard to swat. We seem incredibly slow to them. To a fly, we live as long as giant Sequoias -- trees that thrive for thousands of years. It's all relative, said Professor Einstein. (Fly drawing by me.)
September 19, 2013
Brain Dump
Stop Making Sense
Those who had believed, completely or hypocritically, in the order or its transmissions from the Bay of Nujin, or the movements it inspired in the abnormal garden, counted each brick and nail of the sanatorium. It was no friend of the nations, despite its relative name. It pressed on each humid eye with difficulty, and it seemed to inspire rain for many years. Between the bits and pieces that could be visualized and the agitations of the newcomers, revisions became necessary, if only by example.
Those who had believed, completely or hypocritically, in the order or its transmissions from the Bay of Nujin, or the movements it inspired in the abnormal garden, counted each brick and nail of the sanatorium. It was no friend of the nations, despite its relative name. It pressed on each humid eye with difficulty, and it seemed to inspire rain for many years. Between the bits and pieces that could be visualized and the agitations of the newcomers, revisions became necessary, if only by example.
September 18, 2013
Word of the Day: caitiff
What's "the word I'm thinking of"? Today, it's....
caitiff [KAY-tiff](noun)
A despicable coward; a wretch
When a bear cub wandered into the campsite, Mr. Jones pulled the children in front of himself. "Oh, you caitiff!" cried 10-year-old Penelope, the winner of the school spelling bee.
caitiff [KAY-tiff](noun)
A despicable coward; a wretch
When a bear cub wandered into the campsite, Mr. Jones pulled the children in front of himself. "Oh, you caitiff!" cried 10-year-old Penelope, the winner of the school spelling bee.
September 17, 2013
Link Mania
Words, words, words....
107 Regional Slang Words (YouTube) Frappe? Bubblers? How many do you know?
The True Origin Stories of 7 Happy Words It's "tickety-boo"!
20 awesomely untranslatable words from around the world You know, like mamihlapinatapei: "The wordless, yet meaningful, look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something but are both reluctant to start."
107 Regional Slang Words (YouTube) Frappe? Bubblers? How many do you know?
The True Origin Stories of 7 Happy Words It's "tickety-boo"!
20 awesomely untranslatable words from around the world You know, like mamihlapinatapei: "The wordless, yet meaningful, look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something but are both reluctant to start."
