Sara B. Gauldin's Blog, page 18
May 16, 2013
Parental Responsibility
Upon observing the current crop of young people I see an alarming rate of children who are raising themselves. There are other children who are being fine tuned into rude beasts and near-do-wells. While there are many wonderful parents working every day to improve upon the lives of their children, there are an increasing number of individuals who are not putting forth he needed effort, actions, and follow through to achieve successful results. This observation is not intended to be a purveyor of judgment, but rater at attempt at analyzing the causes and therefore the possibility of improving upon the situation.
The most blatant change I see stems from an evolution in cultural structure and norms. The nuclear family based on a patriarchal structure that was common place one hundred and even fifty years ago is now the exception rather than the common place. Many wonderful children have been raised in non-traditional homes, but I conjecture that having more than one individual who is responsible for children is helpful to be able to more fully focus on the needs of the child. Further, years ago a family could be supported on one income, leaving one parent, usually the mother with more time at home and with the children as an area of focus. Today’s economy demands a dual income family to make the same ends meet. Most two parent families today are dual income families and many women value the opportunity to pursue a career. This does not make them bad mothers by definition, but it does place constraints on time. Many more fortunate families find themselves in a tug-of war between time and money. They may work nonstop and not have time to enjoy the spoils, or they may find themselves under employed and not have the money to enjoy or utilize the time fully. Either scenario has a direct correlation to the child who is not participating in the work world. Many children are faced with a dual income family that leaves them with inadequate parental time or supervision, or in a situation where the parent or parents are underemployed and the child is faced with the very real challenges of poverty that chokes the opportunities for enrichment out of the garden of possibility. There are many variations on this trend. Nontraditional family units such as children raised by gay or lesbian couple are faced with the same challenges of time versus money.
The attached families who are spending all of their energies on making ends meet are generally more fortunate. The alternative is the single parent family. Of course single parents do not love their children any less than any other sub group. They are faced with challenges that attached homes are not. A single parent is obligated to support the child or children involved while simultaneously providing child care, educational support and enrichment. Often parents find themselves in a situation where they make less money at work than they will be obligated to pay in transportation and child care. This situation leads to children who grow up in poverty. When parents have to choose between working constantly for a meager wage while sacrificing time with children or giving up on working and relying on the possibility of child support or welfare it is a sad situation. Either way the child is going with out something they need to ensure the best possibility for success. It may be nutrition, shelter, time, educational support, enrichment, or just the time they need to form a genuine relationship and bond that allows them to learn from the parent.
The expression “It takes a village to raise a child.” comes to mind. We as a society depend less and less on the extended family in a constructive way. Years ago families stayed near one another and helped one another with the child rearing task. Today many families raise their children in isolation. Many people move far from the family of origin for the purpose of pursuing a career. Again the pursuit of financial stability takes a stab at the family structure. This lack of help from grandparents, aunts and uncles means less people to help the child move towards being a productive human being, and less age old wisdom being passed down to the children. There is a flip side to this coin. There are many parents today who do not actively parent at all. Rather their offspring is left to family member or society at large due the original parents being unwilling or unable to properly care for their offspring.
The increase in misplaced children; those who have been moved for the original parents by circumstances or court order is a sad trend in today’s world. Many of these situations are related to substance abuse on the part of the parent or parents. A culture of permissiveness has come to keep company with a culture of strain for financial security. This permissive attitude can lead directly to negative family situations. Persons who are under financial strain, or who have too much free time are more likely to become involved with drugs, be they legal or illicit in an attempt to fill the void of time or to ease the strain of constantly striving forward. More and more this behavior is considered socially acceptable. It is more commonplace. There are other loosenings of the belt that compound the problem. Years ago promiscuity was much less socially acceptable. Of course people have always had a biological urge to propagate the species. Over time is has become more common to propagate out of wedlock, forming more single parent families who face strain. It has become more common to propagate with passing acquaintances who do not keep new familiar ties or financial ones in the form of support. It has also become more acceptable to propagate large groups of children in order to garner financial support from the government. This is a self-perpetuating situation, the more children produced, the more demand for income increases, so that the need in never actually filled despite the increase in benefit.
When all of these factors are put into play, the instance of children who are not being lead down a positive path increases. The acceptance of negative life situations such as drug use and dependence on the welfare system becomes more and more commonplace to each generation. Sadly, even the parents who have managed to properly raise their children are faced with sending them out into the world where deviant behavior is becoming the norm. Peer pressure speaks volumes and many of these children despite the best of situations and parenting skills are being sucked in to a cultural trend that is degrading he futures of our nation’s youth.
Of course other elements are at play. Many will point to an end to corporal punishment. Other will mention the failings of the increasingly overburdened educational system that faces children that have never been raised, children faced with biological damage from drug addiction, and an increasing population of children who have major medical problems, learning disabilities, autism, delays due to premature birth that are resulting from a tandem of new medicines saving children who years ago would not have thrived and an ever changing array of chemical influences in the form of legal and illegal drugs, food additives, pollution and pesticides.
In truth, all of these factors make the difficult task of sculpting a child into a moral and productive member of society, let alone an educated and intelligent one more and more difficult. Perhaps by drawing attention to the root of the problems more people will be inspired to reach out and try to make a difference in these trends. There is much work to be done. Daily there is more and more demand for volunteers, tutors, mentors, religious leaders, substance abuse support. The “family” is no longer the only sort of “village” who must raise a child. We as a society need to step up and be the system of support and enrichment these children need to turn the tide of negatives into a sea of positives. Every child holds unique gifts and the potential for great things. We cannot afford to continue to allow this trend to threaten the children of our community and the citizens of the future.
The most blatant change I see stems from an evolution in cultural structure and norms. The nuclear family based on a patriarchal structure that was common place one hundred and even fifty years ago is now the exception rather than the common place. Many wonderful children have been raised in non-traditional homes, but I conjecture that having more than one individual who is responsible for children is helpful to be able to more fully focus on the needs of the child. Further, years ago a family could be supported on one income, leaving one parent, usually the mother with more time at home and with the children as an area of focus. Today’s economy demands a dual income family to make the same ends meet. Most two parent families today are dual income families and many women value the opportunity to pursue a career. This does not make them bad mothers by definition, but it does place constraints on time. Many more fortunate families find themselves in a tug-of war between time and money. They may work nonstop and not have time to enjoy the spoils, or they may find themselves under employed and not have the money to enjoy or utilize the time fully. Either scenario has a direct correlation to the child who is not participating in the work world. Many children are faced with a dual income family that leaves them with inadequate parental time or supervision, or in a situation where the parent or parents are underemployed and the child is faced with the very real challenges of poverty that chokes the opportunities for enrichment out of the garden of possibility. There are many variations on this trend. Nontraditional family units such as children raised by gay or lesbian couple are faced with the same challenges of time versus money.
The attached families who are spending all of their energies on making ends meet are generally more fortunate. The alternative is the single parent family. Of course single parents do not love their children any less than any other sub group. They are faced with challenges that attached homes are not. A single parent is obligated to support the child or children involved while simultaneously providing child care, educational support and enrichment. Often parents find themselves in a situation where they make less money at work than they will be obligated to pay in transportation and child care. This situation leads to children who grow up in poverty. When parents have to choose between working constantly for a meager wage while sacrificing time with children or giving up on working and relying on the possibility of child support or welfare it is a sad situation. Either way the child is going with out something they need to ensure the best possibility for success. It may be nutrition, shelter, time, educational support, enrichment, or just the time they need to form a genuine relationship and bond that allows them to learn from the parent.
The expression “It takes a village to raise a child.” comes to mind. We as a society depend less and less on the extended family in a constructive way. Years ago families stayed near one another and helped one another with the child rearing task. Today many families raise their children in isolation. Many people move far from the family of origin for the purpose of pursuing a career. Again the pursuit of financial stability takes a stab at the family structure. This lack of help from grandparents, aunts and uncles means less people to help the child move towards being a productive human being, and less age old wisdom being passed down to the children. There is a flip side to this coin. There are many parents today who do not actively parent at all. Rather their offspring is left to family member or society at large due the original parents being unwilling or unable to properly care for their offspring.
The increase in misplaced children; those who have been moved for the original parents by circumstances or court order is a sad trend in today’s world. Many of these situations are related to substance abuse on the part of the parent or parents. A culture of permissiveness has come to keep company with a culture of strain for financial security. This permissive attitude can lead directly to negative family situations. Persons who are under financial strain, or who have too much free time are more likely to become involved with drugs, be they legal or illicit in an attempt to fill the void of time or to ease the strain of constantly striving forward. More and more this behavior is considered socially acceptable. It is more commonplace. There are other loosenings of the belt that compound the problem. Years ago promiscuity was much less socially acceptable. Of course people have always had a biological urge to propagate the species. Over time is has become more common to propagate out of wedlock, forming more single parent families who face strain. It has become more common to propagate with passing acquaintances who do not keep new familiar ties or financial ones in the form of support. It has also become more acceptable to propagate large groups of children in order to garner financial support from the government. This is a self-perpetuating situation, the more children produced, the more demand for income increases, so that the need in never actually filled despite the increase in benefit.
When all of these factors are put into play, the instance of children who are not being lead down a positive path increases. The acceptance of negative life situations such as drug use and dependence on the welfare system becomes more and more commonplace to each generation. Sadly, even the parents who have managed to properly raise their children are faced with sending them out into the world where deviant behavior is becoming the norm. Peer pressure speaks volumes and many of these children despite the best of situations and parenting skills are being sucked in to a cultural trend that is degrading he futures of our nation’s youth.
Of course other elements are at play. Many will point to an end to corporal punishment. Other will mention the failings of the increasingly overburdened educational system that faces children that have never been raised, children faced with biological damage from drug addiction, and an increasing population of children who have major medical problems, learning disabilities, autism, delays due to premature birth that are resulting from a tandem of new medicines saving children who years ago would not have thrived and an ever changing array of chemical influences in the form of legal and illegal drugs, food additives, pollution and pesticides.
In truth, all of these factors make the difficult task of sculpting a child into a moral and productive member of society, let alone an educated and intelligent one more and more difficult. Perhaps by drawing attention to the root of the problems more people will be inspired to reach out and try to make a difference in these trends. There is much work to be done. Daily there is more and more demand for volunteers, tutors, mentors, religious leaders, substance abuse support. The “family” is no longer the only sort of “village” who must raise a child. We as a society need to step up and be the system of support and enrichment these children need to turn the tide of negatives into a sea of positives. Every child holds unique gifts and the potential for great things. We cannot afford to continue to allow this trend to threaten the children of our community and the citizens of the future.
Faith
The concept of faith has been a source of focus for me for much of my life. Some of my earliest and fondest memories are of the sense of spiritual peace I had when attending prayer services at my school as a young child. I recall that I knew with absolute certainty that my prayers were heard and each thought and deed was being accounted for. Truly I tried hard not to vary from this. For my parents faith was a different variation of the same concept. Both of my parents were raised Lutheran and proudly expressed the fondness of being “home Lutherans” meaning that they maintained an affinity with the religions background but did not feel the need to have an intermediary in their relationships with the almighty. Further, my anthropology loving parents encouraged me to learn about and explore the beliefs and customs of any culture that happened to make itself available. There was no sense of rejection of others values, only a curiosity that was inscribed in my mind.
As with most things there are two sides to every coin. The welcoming sense of love and innate curiosity was to be short lived for me. Around the age of nine I was introduced to the concept of using a veil of religious piety to express exclusion and hate. My “home Lutheran” parents lived behind a church. We did not go to church on Sunday. I attended a Catholic school and was receiving a strong Christian education. One Sunday morning I was playing in my garden which ran directly behind a local church. I noticed some children playing outdoors after the service and to be honest I was wishing they could come over and play. As I observed them a few parents came outdoors and called the children to them. The next thing I knew the children was running down the hill towards me. I was elated. The parents had told them to play with me… but that was not the case. As they approached the children began to pick up rocks and dirt clods form the garden and hurl them at me. “Stone the heathen” they shouted. The parents yelled and egged them on. They were invoking a biblical penance for my perceived religious short comings.
The sense of a connection to a greater purpose and the worship of a deity are not new to human kind. Although most people choose to dwell on the details that can be staunchly different I choose to see the many commonalities. Most faiths derive a sense of purpose from faith. They believe that their short human life span has more significance that the physical drive to survive that they will ultimately lose. It is a cheery thought to be firmly convinced that we are not simply awash in a scientific chain of events that allows a brief mortal heyday before snuffing out our very existence. Almost all faiths have a conviction that there are powers greater than themselves that set things into motion and continue to have influence over all that they omnisciently govern. We as Christians call this deity God, as do the Jewish people. The Buddhists refer to Buddha, in Hinduism Shiva is worshiped, the Muslims call their deity God as well, but they do not follow the teachings of Christ. Native Americans make reference to a “Great Spirit”, the Wakan Tanka. Although many contemporary religions mistrust the practice as being dark, the premise of the Wiccan faith is being in tune with nature. All of these systems of beliefs have the secondary purpose of providing a set of moral and ethical guidelines with which one may live a more spiritually correct life in the context of their faith. Truly these tendencies are more alike than different.
So what does this broad presence of a need to find faith and relate oneself to a higher deity come from? In a broader sense it could be said that the presence of common markers of faith across cultures is proof that a higher power does in fact exist. How else could diverse cultures, once isolated from one another in the world come to such similar conclusions and sets of moral mores? Recently a researcher by the name of Dean Hamer did extensive DNA testing to postulate his theory that we as human beings are genetically hard wired to have a sense of faith or religious affiliation. According to his “God Gene” research there are specific genetic markers that contribute directly to the draw organized religions has to a given individual. Of course there in the faith based argument that the creator could also hard wire the tendency to be knowledgeable about the spiritual element of humanity directly into the creations. Either way, the universal need to find faith and belong to a set of religions guidelines cannot be denied.
This brings me to my quandary. The positives of organized religion are tied to a darker element. Religiosity itself seems to hinge on a Yin and Yang effect. I refer back to the people I mentioned at the church earlier. They perpetuated hate and violence in the name of a religion that is based on love and acceptance. They turned that model on its head and used it to be exclusive and intentionally cruel. Could it be that the human need to compete, to crawl towards the top at the expense of others is at direct conflict with the sense of spiritual connection they seek to achieve. We have in this world a multitude of people who do good things and live a virtuous life in the context of their religious beliefs, amongst those who seek to use faith competitively, to exclude others, to set themselves apart, to believe themselves to have transcended the status quo. This darker element is also somewhat universal. I read about a suicide bombing in Pakistan over differences in faith only today. There were the terror attacks on the world trade centers, the murder of the “savages” the Native Americans by the US government for hundreds of years, the attempted genocide of the Jewish people in Nazi Germany, the strange protests held by the extremist of Westboro Baptist Church. These are just some to the extreme cases of people behaving badly based on a misdirected moral compass. It seemed the purity of spiritual morality is easily sullied by human shortcomings and prejudices.
Not all shortcomings are so dramatic. There are multiple churches that firmly believe that their church is the only one who can ensure entry to a positive after life. They believe that the entire rest of the world is doomed to a horrible afterlife or lack thereof merely because of the unfortunate occurrence of not attending church in some specific location. There are those who resent others for having differences in religious affiliation. There are those who share common religious values but put down each other for the perceived lack of devoutness of one another’s faith. I refer to the example of a man who lived his life in India. He worked his entire adult life and gave every penny he had ever earned to charity for the betterment of others. He himself lived a life of poverty. Had he been of the Christian faith his life of generosity and self-sacrifice would have been hailed as a Christ-like life. Truly the man should be canonized. But upon questioning several Christians locally I ascertained that they believed that this man would be doomed to hell, while they themselves enjoyed the reward of heaven.
I intend to continue to raise my children to live a faith based life. As it happens I do consider myself a Christian and adhere to that set of guidelines. As my children mature they will be encouraged to suppress the more base tendencies of those of faith. Too many of this world’s saddest and most savage moments have been carried out in the name of the pious. I encourage all to take a closer look at their faith and ask themselves some difficult questions.
-Is my faith a loving one or is it caustic to others?
-Do I accept the common faith journey of my fellow man as a separate passenger traveling on the same mortal direction, or do I judge other’s progress to make myself feel better about my own shortcomings?
-Do I use my faith for the betterment of the world I live in in honor and respect of my beliefs and those of others or do I seek to squash others I the name of a “loving” deity? Truly if a deity is loving, and the Lord who I choose to believe in is, he would not reject his creations based on cultural deviations or geographic location.
Whatever set of beliefs you choose to accept, or to reject I encourage others to take a perspective of tolerance and of camaraderie in this journey called life.
As with most things there are two sides to every coin. The welcoming sense of love and innate curiosity was to be short lived for me. Around the age of nine I was introduced to the concept of using a veil of religious piety to express exclusion and hate. My “home Lutheran” parents lived behind a church. We did not go to church on Sunday. I attended a Catholic school and was receiving a strong Christian education. One Sunday morning I was playing in my garden which ran directly behind a local church. I noticed some children playing outdoors after the service and to be honest I was wishing they could come over and play. As I observed them a few parents came outdoors and called the children to them. The next thing I knew the children was running down the hill towards me. I was elated. The parents had told them to play with me… but that was not the case. As they approached the children began to pick up rocks and dirt clods form the garden and hurl them at me. “Stone the heathen” they shouted. The parents yelled and egged them on. They were invoking a biblical penance for my perceived religious short comings.
The sense of a connection to a greater purpose and the worship of a deity are not new to human kind. Although most people choose to dwell on the details that can be staunchly different I choose to see the many commonalities. Most faiths derive a sense of purpose from faith. They believe that their short human life span has more significance that the physical drive to survive that they will ultimately lose. It is a cheery thought to be firmly convinced that we are not simply awash in a scientific chain of events that allows a brief mortal heyday before snuffing out our very existence. Almost all faiths have a conviction that there are powers greater than themselves that set things into motion and continue to have influence over all that they omnisciently govern. We as Christians call this deity God, as do the Jewish people. The Buddhists refer to Buddha, in Hinduism Shiva is worshiped, the Muslims call their deity God as well, but they do not follow the teachings of Christ. Native Americans make reference to a “Great Spirit”, the Wakan Tanka. Although many contemporary religions mistrust the practice as being dark, the premise of the Wiccan faith is being in tune with nature. All of these systems of beliefs have the secondary purpose of providing a set of moral and ethical guidelines with which one may live a more spiritually correct life in the context of their faith. Truly these tendencies are more alike than different.
So what does this broad presence of a need to find faith and relate oneself to a higher deity come from? In a broader sense it could be said that the presence of common markers of faith across cultures is proof that a higher power does in fact exist. How else could diverse cultures, once isolated from one another in the world come to such similar conclusions and sets of moral mores? Recently a researcher by the name of Dean Hamer did extensive DNA testing to postulate his theory that we as human beings are genetically hard wired to have a sense of faith or religious affiliation. According to his “God Gene” research there are specific genetic markers that contribute directly to the draw organized religions has to a given individual. Of course there in the faith based argument that the creator could also hard wire the tendency to be knowledgeable about the spiritual element of humanity directly into the creations. Either way, the universal need to find faith and belong to a set of religions guidelines cannot be denied.
This brings me to my quandary. The positives of organized religion are tied to a darker element. Religiosity itself seems to hinge on a Yin and Yang effect. I refer back to the people I mentioned at the church earlier. They perpetuated hate and violence in the name of a religion that is based on love and acceptance. They turned that model on its head and used it to be exclusive and intentionally cruel. Could it be that the human need to compete, to crawl towards the top at the expense of others is at direct conflict with the sense of spiritual connection they seek to achieve. We have in this world a multitude of people who do good things and live a virtuous life in the context of their religious beliefs, amongst those who seek to use faith competitively, to exclude others, to set themselves apart, to believe themselves to have transcended the status quo. This darker element is also somewhat universal. I read about a suicide bombing in Pakistan over differences in faith only today. There were the terror attacks on the world trade centers, the murder of the “savages” the Native Americans by the US government for hundreds of years, the attempted genocide of the Jewish people in Nazi Germany, the strange protests held by the extremist of Westboro Baptist Church. These are just some to the extreme cases of people behaving badly based on a misdirected moral compass. It seemed the purity of spiritual morality is easily sullied by human shortcomings and prejudices.
Not all shortcomings are so dramatic. There are multiple churches that firmly believe that their church is the only one who can ensure entry to a positive after life. They believe that the entire rest of the world is doomed to a horrible afterlife or lack thereof merely because of the unfortunate occurrence of not attending church in some specific location. There are those who resent others for having differences in religious affiliation. There are those who share common religious values but put down each other for the perceived lack of devoutness of one another’s faith. I refer to the example of a man who lived his life in India. He worked his entire adult life and gave every penny he had ever earned to charity for the betterment of others. He himself lived a life of poverty. Had he been of the Christian faith his life of generosity and self-sacrifice would have been hailed as a Christ-like life. Truly the man should be canonized. But upon questioning several Christians locally I ascertained that they believed that this man would be doomed to hell, while they themselves enjoyed the reward of heaven.
I intend to continue to raise my children to live a faith based life. As it happens I do consider myself a Christian and adhere to that set of guidelines. As my children mature they will be encouraged to suppress the more base tendencies of those of faith. Too many of this world’s saddest and most savage moments have been carried out in the name of the pious. I encourage all to take a closer look at their faith and ask themselves some difficult questions.
-Is my faith a loving one or is it caustic to others?
-Do I accept the common faith journey of my fellow man as a separate passenger traveling on the same mortal direction, or do I judge other’s progress to make myself feel better about my own shortcomings?
-Do I use my faith for the betterment of the world I live in in honor and respect of my beliefs and those of others or do I seek to squash others I the name of a “loving” deity? Truly if a deity is loving, and the Lord who I choose to believe in is, he would not reject his creations based on cultural deviations or geographic location.
Whatever set of beliefs you choose to accept, or to reject I encourage others to take a perspective of tolerance and of camaraderie in this journey called life.
A Culture of Violence
Once again, I find myself witnessing acts of destruction and a complete disregard for the sanctity of human life. It has been suggested to me that in some cultural situations, life is not held with the same regards that we in the western world do. Rather, there are societies that live in such a state of violence and continuous flux that they consider their own existence inconsequential.
Of course, all of us would say that no person deserves to die in a horrible bombing, the least deserving of all being the child whose life was snuffed out before it could truly reach fruition. We as a society say that. We sympathize for the injured and for the loss of the families who have been affected. Many of us will offer sincere prayers for the wronged parties long before we know their faces and their stories. And we ask the impossible question; “why?”
But is the question really impossible for us to answer? If we as a society stubbornly refuse to expand our world view, to look outside of ourselves beyond our individual hedonistic tendencies and appreciate one another for our commonality rather than resenting or even hating one-another for the perception of differences then yes, we will never understand why these acts occur.
Essentially, it is an easy thing to feel wronged. It is simple to resent those who have caused others harm. It is tempting to close ourselves to what is unknown, uncomfortable or unfamiliar in case it may be the cause of future violence of pain. However, it this very process of rejection that causes us to isolate ourselves from our fellow man. Rather than allowing ourselves to see others as fellow travelers on the journey of life, we see others as strange, foreign, and something other than what is comfortable for us to accept. I am not making excuses for terrorists by any means; merely suggesting that they regard our society, culture and way of life as something other than what they can deem acceptable, and in some situations, this rejection becomes extreme. This is when violence occurs.
I am sure that many of my readers are now justifying their belief systems to themselves and making a bold proclamation of acceptance. But are you truly willing to accept others as they are, even if they are culturally and religiously different from yourself?
How many of us who profess to be Christians continue to pass judgment on others? Though Christ, who is purported to be the needle for the moral compass of the faith clearly stated, “Let he who has never sinned cast the first stone.” Many among those who profess to follow the teachings of Christ use eclectic bits from scripture to justify hate or exclusion. They endorse separateness and rejection of those around them who seek different belief systems or life styles.
Do not misunderstand. I do not expect us as Americans or as Christians to embrace the cultures of other individuals around the world as our own, but I ask that we respect the traditions and belief systems of others as we would like our own practices to be regarded. We are the first to express indignation when our country, religion or practices are held in disregard by other nations or groups, yet we as a culture view these groups no more favorably than they regard us.
Even on a local level there is a strong tendency to reject those who are different from us. As a county can we afford to forget the grievous error that led parts of our nation to embrace owning our fellow human beings? Can we sweep away the wrongs we have done to the native peoples of our country with the self-justification of civilizing the land? Can we afford to forget the Japanese American citizens who were rounded up like criminals for their nationality during WWII? Yet what have we learned from these transgressions when we persist to cling to a notion of exclusivity? Of course, those wrongs are in the past, but even now groups must strive for equality, although it seems to be guaranteed by the foundation of our nation's laws. In today's world people are harmed because of the perception of who their culture or religion may lead them to be rather than who they are as an individual or as a fellow human being.
This brings me back to the basic question of why? We will never be able to stop or slow the presence of violent behavior while we practice a culture of exclusion. We will see ourselves as the only victims as we isolate and alienate the people and cultures around us, and around the world with the flawed premise that we are somehow the elite in our humanity and morality. We are not. We are as flawed and as cruel as those who seek to harm us. Yet we see our transgressions through rose-colored glasses. We will never understand the why until we can see ourselves and individuals and as a society clearly. The "why" does not justify the violence that has occurred, but it does allow us to understand that we are perceived by outsiders as our society sees them, as something other, soothing that cannot be trusted, something foreign.
If we, as the world’s people could accept one another as human beings, who deserve the respect and dignity befitting fellow man, then much of the violence in our world can be avoided. As long as we attach a stigma to others for race, religion, culture, sexual orientation, or mental illness, we will never be able to see the dynamic we live in a clear fashion. We will never be able to deter a culture of hate and exclusion until we can erase these antiquated judgments of the surface value of others.
Truly, we all were born into this world from a woman. We all were helpless and innocent of the evils of the world. We all were nurtured in some way and educated either formally or through life experience. Somewhere along the line we lose track of this essential commonality and embrace a unique cultural identity. Cultural pride, piousness and patriotism are positive traits if we can learn to pair this ideal with a basic acceptance of our fellow human beings for who they are, not for whom we fear they may be or who we would like for them to become.
Of course, all of us would say that no person deserves to die in a horrible bombing, the least deserving of all being the child whose life was snuffed out before it could truly reach fruition. We as a society say that. We sympathize for the injured and for the loss of the families who have been affected. Many of us will offer sincere prayers for the wronged parties long before we know their faces and their stories. And we ask the impossible question; “why?”
But is the question really impossible for us to answer? If we as a society stubbornly refuse to expand our world view, to look outside of ourselves beyond our individual hedonistic tendencies and appreciate one another for our commonality rather than resenting or even hating one-another for the perception of differences then yes, we will never understand why these acts occur.
Essentially, it is an easy thing to feel wronged. It is simple to resent those who have caused others harm. It is tempting to close ourselves to what is unknown, uncomfortable or unfamiliar in case it may be the cause of future violence of pain. However, it this very process of rejection that causes us to isolate ourselves from our fellow man. Rather than allowing ourselves to see others as fellow travelers on the journey of life, we see others as strange, foreign, and something other than what is comfortable for us to accept. I am not making excuses for terrorists by any means; merely suggesting that they regard our society, culture and way of life as something other than what they can deem acceptable, and in some situations, this rejection becomes extreme. This is when violence occurs.
I am sure that many of my readers are now justifying their belief systems to themselves and making a bold proclamation of acceptance. But are you truly willing to accept others as they are, even if they are culturally and religiously different from yourself?
How many of us who profess to be Christians continue to pass judgment on others? Though Christ, who is purported to be the needle for the moral compass of the faith clearly stated, “Let he who has never sinned cast the first stone.” Many among those who profess to follow the teachings of Christ use eclectic bits from scripture to justify hate or exclusion. They endorse separateness and rejection of those around them who seek different belief systems or life styles.
Do not misunderstand. I do not expect us as Americans or as Christians to embrace the cultures of other individuals around the world as our own, but I ask that we respect the traditions and belief systems of others as we would like our own practices to be regarded. We are the first to express indignation when our country, religion or practices are held in disregard by other nations or groups, yet we as a culture view these groups no more favorably than they regard us.
Even on a local level there is a strong tendency to reject those who are different from us. As a county can we afford to forget the grievous error that led parts of our nation to embrace owning our fellow human beings? Can we sweep away the wrongs we have done to the native peoples of our country with the self-justification of civilizing the land? Can we afford to forget the Japanese American citizens who were rounded up like criminals for their nationality during WWII? Yet what have we learned from these transgressions when we persist to cling to a notion of exclusivity? Of course, those wrongs are in the past, but even now groups must strive for equality, although it seems to be guaranteed by the foundation of our nation's laws. In today's world people are harmed because of the perception of who their culture or religion may lead them to be rather than who they are as an individual or as a fellow human being.
This brings me back to the basic question of why? We will never be able to stop or slow the presence of violent behavior while we practice a culture of exclusion. We will see ourselves as the only victims as we isolate and alienate the people and cultures around us, and around the world with the flawed premise that we are somehow the elite in our humanity and morality. We are not. We are as flawed and as cruel as those who seek to harm us. Yet we see our transgressions through rose-colored glasses. We will never understand the why until we can see ourselves and individuals and as a society clearly. The "why" does not justify the violence that has occurred, but it does allow us to understand that we are perceived by outsiders as our society sees them, as something other, soothing that cannot be trusted, something foreign.
If we, as the world’s people could accept one another as human beings, who deserve the respect and dignity befitting fellow man, then much of the violence in our world can be avoided. As long as we attach a stigma to others for race, religion, culture, sexual orientation, or mental illness, we will never be able to see the dynamic we live in a clear fashion. We will never be able to deter a culture of hate and exclusion until we can erase these antiquated judgments of the surface value of others.
Truly, we all were born into this world from a woman. We all were helpless and innocent of the evils of the world. We all were nurtured in some way and educated either formally or through life experience. Somewhere along the line we lose track of this essential commonality and embrace a unique cultural identity. Cultural pride, piousness and patriotism are positive traits if we can learn to pair this ideal with a basic acceptance of our fellow human beings for who they are, not for whom we fear they may be or who we would like for them to become.
Peeking out
As an introvert, I frequently take time to observe the social patterns and habits of others. I can tell a lot about a person by how they posture themselves. Some individuals place a far greater value on the image that they allow other people to perceive than others. Personally, I tend to fall under the category of less -is- more in terms of public presentation. People’s reactions to one another are the most intriguing part of people watching. All of us; myself included have a public self and a private self. Most of us have more than one version of the person we present to others and the need for the separate genres of an individual’s identity are trained and dictated by society from an early age. As infants we learn what is appropriate and what is allowed in the context of our home and our families. Those of us who are fortunate enough to be raised in industrialized nation learned key social skills, such as potty training and the appropriate way to be fed and to accept food. These practices in the USA are in no way universal, but we think of them as commonplace. As we age, we must learn an entirely new set of standards attached to the institution of education. The rules and expectations at school will natural differ on some points when compared to the standards at home. This is normal and to be expected; yet learning that there is more than one set of appropriate behaviors is a difficult but critical lesson for some children. These lessons in context continue to expand in breadth as an individual ages. The manner in which a professional comports themselves in a business venue will be entirely different that the same individual may behave at a social or family gathering.
While all of the pretenses are normal and natural it can create some issues as we go. There will be times in all of our lives that we come across persons who are fundamentally different from us, not outwardly, but on a deeper intrinsic level. It is this element of differing fundamental framework that I find especially difficult to navigate. It is easy to ascertain the image that an individual wants you to see; but the scaffolding of values, principles, morals, academics and general attitudes about all elements of life lurk beneath this façade like an ever present mine field. When probed by situations beyond an individual’s comfort level specific differences can lead to major rifts between individuals who are not so different in other respects. Being able to see others’ point of view does not give you the background to truly appreciate what the person’s learned behaviors, attitudes and experiences have done to shape the person they are under the mask that they present to the world. Of course there are many individuals more skilled than myself at navigating these mine fields. Personally I am reasonable self-assured that I have tested most of the beliefs I have and tempered them with experience. I feel my beliefs and values are valid. The ironic thing is; so does everybody else. So if we desire a peaceful existence with our fellow man, on either a minute or grade scale we must be willing to accept that people are fundamentally different than us, and that is okay. We are made up of the sum of our experiences, and no two individuals are the same. This being said, I will leave off my thoughts here and attempt to mend fences; fundamental differences of self, when stumbled upon will knock you flat every time.
While all of the pretenses are normal and natural it can create some issues as we go. There will be times in all of our lives that we come across persons who are fundamentally different from us, not outwardly, but on a deeper intrinsic level. It is this element of differing fundamental framework that I find especially difficult to navigate. It is easy to ascertain the image that an individual wants you to see; but the scaffolding of values, principles, morals, academics and general attitudes about all elements of life lurk beneath this façade like an ever present mine field. When probed by situations beyond an individual’s comfort level specific differences can lead to major rifts between individuals who are not so different in other respects. Being able to see others’ point of view does not give you the background to truly appreciate what the person’s learned behaviors, attitudes and experiences have done to shape the person they are under the mask that they present to the world. Of course there are many individuals more skilled than myself at navigating these mine fields. Personally I am reasonable self-assured that I have tested most of the beliefs I have and tempered them with experience. I feel my beliefs and values are valid. The ironic thing is; so does everybody else. So if we desire a peaceful existence with our fellow man, on either a minute or grade scale we must be willing to accept that people are fundamentally different than us, and that is okay. We are made up of the sum of our experiences, and no two individuals are the same. This being said, I will leave off my thoughts here and attempt to mend fences; fundamental differences of self, when stumbled upon will knock you flat every time.
