Nav Logan's Blog, page 21
February 22, 2015
Beauty Knows No Pain
Beauty knows no pain … ha! Who are they kidding?
Some girls have all the luck, but for some of us, it can be tough. Me, let’s just say that I am genetically challenged.
My forefathers gifted me with a thick main of glossy black hair that shines wonderfully in the moonlight, but is a bitch to shave off my legs, arms, lower belly … even my back for crying out load. As for my nails, don’t get me started!
To make matters worse, they decided to hold the debs night on a full moon.
It’s tough being a teenage werewolf.
Some girls have all the luck, but for some of us, it can be tough. Me, let’s just say that I am genetically challenged.
My forefathers gifted me with a thick main of glossy black hair that shines wonderfully in the moonlight, but is a bitch to shave off my legs, arms, lower belly … even my back for crying out load. As for my nails, don’t get me started!
To make matters worse, they decided to hold the debs night on a full moon.
It’s tough being a teenage werewolf.
February 21, 2015
Murder by Meter
A slow and painful death would be too good for her, though a quick divorce would be the humane thing.
Coming home, I was shocked to see it. I could barely speak for the tempest of fury that was boiling up inside me.
I prayed there had been some mistake, but no. My wife was at her Pilates class with her friends. I felt a wave of nausea at the thought of it. She had been gone for at least an hour and could have gone shopping first.
She had left the immersion heater on for hours.
Coming home, I was shocked to see it. I could barely speak for the tempest of fury that was boiling up inside me.
I prayed there had been some mistake, but no. My wife was at her Pilates class with her friends. I felt a wave of nausea at the thought of it. She had been gone for at least an hour and could have gone shopping first.
She had left the immersion heater on for hours.
February 10, 2015
Poker-Faced Jack
I had been getting fleeced at the Thursday night poker sessions. I’d start out well, win a few hands, and then it would all slip away. Every time I got a good hand, the other guys would fold. It’s like they knew I was about to go in for the kill.
I’d read poker books until I could recite them backwards. I’d even studied clips on Ew-tube.
That’s when I had the brilliant idea … And it actually worked.
The following Thursday, I hit it big, cleaning out the other guys.
Of course, it had cost a fortune in Botox.
I’d read poker books until I could recite them backwards. I’d even studied clips on Ew-tube.
That’s when I had the brilliant idea … And it actually worked.
The following Thursday, I hit it big, cleaning out the other guys.
Of course, it had cost a fortune in Botox.
February 7, 2015
Death by a Thousand Cuts
On his way to school, a boy notices a spaceman walking through a corn field. “What is he doing, Mummy?”
“He’s spraying the corn to kill the insects.”
“Why?”
“To prevent them eating all the crop.”
“We eat the crop. Will it kill us too?”
She laughs, “Of course not, honey. It’s perfectly safe.”
Later at science class, he learns about the food chain, and how the eagles are dying out because of the effects of pesticide in their ecosystem, and again he shows concern.
He is hungry when he arrives home, but looking at the steaming corn he hesitates.
“He’s spraying the corn to kill the insects.”
“Why?”
“To prevent them eating all the crop.”
“We eat the crop. Will it kill us too?”
She laughs, “Of course not, honey. It’s perfectly safe.”
Later at science class, he learns about the food chain, and how the eagles are dying out because of the effects of pesticide in their ecosystem, and again he shows concern.
He is hungry when he arrives home, but looking at the steaming corn he hesitates.
February 5, 2015
The Muse
Dipping the quill into the inkwell, Chris paused, not yet touching the parchment. Finally, he began to write his latest novel. It was called Mandy, and was inspired by his current muse, who whimpered piteously from her place on the bed.
His creative urges flowed freely, and soon the inkwell ran dry. With a sigh, he places the quill aside and rose.
Mandy whimpered as he approached, syringe in hand. “Just three more chapters,” he assured as the needle pierced her flesh.
Soon the masterpiece was complete, and sent to the editor, who never asked why Chris used red ink.
His creative urges flowed freely, and soon the inkwell ran dry. With a sigh, he places the quill aside and rose.
Mandy whimpered as he approached, syringe in hand. “Just three more chapters,” he assured as the needle pierced her flesh.
Soon the masterpiece was complete, and sent to the editor, who never asked why Chris used red ink.
A Light in the Darkness
I sit watching the flames fly skyward and disappear into the darkness. I can feel the heat softening the boot polish that masks my features. Lifting a rag, I smear the war paint from my cheeks. I’m sure that much of the blackening remains, but it is no longer needed. My night time adventure is nearly over.
I can hear the sirens wailing in the distance and wonder who will arrive first, the firemen or the police. Either way, it is time for me to get out of there.
Your roof creaks and collapses as I escape into the woods
I can hear the sirens wailing in the distance and wonder who will arrive first, the firemen or the police. Either way, it is time for me to get out of there.
Your roof creaks and collapses as I escape into the woods
February 3, 2015
The 1%
He’d always stood out from the crowd, even when he was small. He couldn’t help it. It wasn’t in his nature to conform.
Of course, they had ridiculed him, but over time he had developed a thick skin and ignored their jibes. He preferred to be the one per cent, the odd one out.
The old saying, ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’, was a load of sheep dung. Be yourself, he decided. So he stopped trying to bleach his hair and just accepted who he was.
The demand for black wool increased and Baba became a hot commodity.
Of course, they had ridiculed him, but over time he had developed a thick skin and ignored their jibes. He preferred to be the one per cent, the odd one out.
The old saying, ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’, was a load of sheep dung. Be yourself, he decided. So he stopped trying to bleach his hair and just accepted who he was.
The demand for black wool increased and Baba became a hot commodity.
January 26, 2015
The Jumper
The wind whistled about me as I stood on the ledge. I’d never been so high up before. I could barely keep my legs from shaking.
Down below, people had begun to gather, attracted by the helicopter spotlight and the blue flashing lights of the emergency vehicles.
They had closed off the street to traffic and were busy cordoning off the area below, so that I wouldn’t land on a pedestrian.
With a gasp from the crowd, I stepped off the ledge and plummeted earthward …
… SPLAT …!
I landed successfully in the pool of warm blancmange and broke the world record.
Down below, people had begun to gather, attracted by the helicopter spotlight and the blue flashing lights of the emergency vehicles.
They had closed off the street to traffic and were busy cordoning off the area below, so that I wouldn’t land on a pedestrian.
With a gasp from the crowd, I stepped off the ledge and plummeted earthward …
… SPLAT …!
I landed successfully in the pool of warm blancmange and broke the world record.
Never Trust the Banks
I never did trust the banks. Fearful of burglars, I weighed up the alternatives. Under the mattress was far too obvious as was the tea caddy. No, I needed something smarter.
I was wandering through a craft fair when I spotted it; a hidden compartment hollowed out of a log. It even had a clever wooden clasp that looked just like the end of a branch. It cost only forty quid, so I bought it.
We never lit the fireplace, so it was perfect, or so I thought until Auntie Mary came visiting.
We came home to a roaring blaze.
I was wandering through a craft fair when I spotted it; a hidden compartment hollowed out of a log. It even had a clever wooden clasp that looked just like the end of a branch. It cost only forty quid, so I bought it.
We never lit the fireplace, so it was perfect, or so I thought until Auntie Mary came visiting.
We came home to a roaring blaze.
January 25, 2015
The Werewolf
Their endless bleating is getting on my nerves. Finally, I’ve had enough and seek some solace. Walking back, I creep into the fold.
“What kept you?” she complains. “I’ve been up all night with these lambs. They’re dropping like flies, and you pop off down to the pub for a game of darts with your mates!”
A growl rumbles from my throat as I leap at the shepherdess. My attack catches her by surprise and we both fall into the straw. My mouth opens and my canines close on her neck.”
She giggles in protest, “Get off, you drunken idiot!”
“What kept you?” she complains. “I’ve been up all night with these lambs. They’re dropping like flies, and you pop off down to the pub for a game of darts with your mates!”
A growl rumbles from my throat as I leap at the shepherdess. My attack catches her by surprise and we both fall into the straw. My mouth opens and my canines close on her neck.”
She giggles in protest, “Get off, you drunken idiot!”
