Amanda M. Lyons's Blog: Inner Voices, page 4

Other Dangers Cover Reveal and Update!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the beautiful cover for Other Dangers: Slipped Through by cover artist Michael Fish Fisher! This book is the first of a series I expect to take an eight book arch to complete over the next few years. To think this all began in the tail end of 1996 only to finally begin release nearly twenty years later! Expect it on the market very soon, within the next week barring any unforeseen delays. I am very excited to bring you this book from J Ellington Ashton Press and happy to say that two other installments are nearly ready to be sent in so the wait should not be bad at all for the next installments! Please keep an eye out for this, its apocalyptic horror with fantasy elements and should appeal to both audiences as well as those seeking brutally dark and moody books featuring psychological elements! 

New Release: Star-Fox: Adventures of Zorro Across Time and Dimension

Star-Fox: Adventures of Zorro Across Time and Dimension is a recent anthology release from the minds of authors Michael Kanuckel, Wes McCloud, Kevin Candela, Kent Hill, C L Fors, Nicholas Day, and yours truly ;) Planned and executed by Mr. Kanuckel himself, who invited a select group of authors to create an anthology to honor the great hero of old with a fresh look through different genres, this  anthology is a labor of love project by fans of the beloved hero who inspired so many stories in television, film, and the written word. 

Who is Zorro? If you're not familiar, he's a legendary righter of wrongs, much like Robin Hood, who stole from the rich and gave to the poor. Zorro, though, is a bit more clever and chooses to do his work with a blend of espionage and masked crusading for the people who live around him in the early days of Mexican California. Here, then, is a heroic man of property and esteem who uses his power to do good for those less fortunate and thumb his nose and raise his rapier against those who would attempt to crush them under their pretentious boots.

Starting out as a pulp series written by Johnston McCulley based on legends about such notable historical figures as Tiburcio Vásquez, Juan Nepomuceno Cortina, and Joaquin Murrieta, Zorro was made a more notable hero through the Disney TV series that aired  on ABC originally and later entered syndication on the company's own station for many years before featuring heavily in European and Mexican films internationally. He was also later featured in two successful films starring Antonio Banderas, who played a man being groomed to take over the mantel of the masked fox and brought Zorro back into the public consciousness in a broader way.

Zorro, clearly, is a hero for the ages, and readily captures the human need for hope in the midst of oppression. What better time, then, than our current chaotic age for there to be further tales about such a hero? As the blurb for Star-Fox: Adventures of Zorro Across Time and Dimension  indicates, justice comes in many forms and adventure knows no bounds, and so each author took it upon themselves to take the Zorro legend and mold it to fit a new world and often a new persona for the masked man, offering us fresh angles on the familiar legend. For a look at the book and a sample of its stories please visit the link at Amazon here: 

​https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075SCZPWN

Updates, Ladies and Gentlemen!

It's hilarious the simple joy you can find in running a spelling and grammar check on a doc you're planning on polishing for submission in the near future. With Other Dangers: Slipped Through headed toward publication (yes, I do indeed have a brand new book on the way very soon!) I thought it would be good to see how much of a polish Other Dangers: This is How the World Ends would take at a glance. Looks like the news is good :) You might just see book two of this series out in the next 6 months barring the typical delays of publishing, editing, and of course, submission and acceptance ;)

I have Other Dangers: Further Down the Spiral just as ready after that and then I have to write brand new material (gulp) for the rest of the series, this one likely being about eight books all told. Its such an elation to have one of the oldest and biggest projects (this one started in 1996!) rolling now! The trick is to get the rest of it done in the coming years- along with the other single story books and at least one more book for the Shades of Midnight series too (for fans of that one, I do think there are more than that in store, just what I know for now.)

If you're wondering exactly what Other Dangers is, especially if you haven't caught past mentions of it in previous blog posts, here is the blurb for the first book, Slipped Through: 


Henry is a man with trouble on his hands. Setting out for this weekend getaway wasn’t even his idea and now he’s woken up from a terrible car crash to find himself in a strange place where nothing is as it seems. Now his whole life has changed and nothing he knew to be true seems to matter, not when the world is filled with horror and still other dangers waiting in the shadows. Worse, his wife is hurt and there’s only one woman who can help them get home, a woman who is more mystery than truth and holds the road map to a world without rules…a map which comes in the form of a book hidden in the depths of the backpack in her possession. A book that calls his name and the woman shows him she would do anything to keep out of anyone else’s hands.


​Keep an eye out for a post about the cover and where things are headed with this new series in the coming months! 

My Editing and Marketing Services

 
Hello, and thanks for considering me for your editing and marketing needs. First, let me tell you a bit about myself and why I'm qualified. I've been an editor at J Ellington Ashton Press since December of 2013, a successful  freelance editor for hire since August of 2014,  and a published author since  August of 2013 meaning that I have a proven record of quality work and a unique perspective on an author's needs.  I also have experience with SEO work and years of experience writing nonfiction articles and author interviews to round out my experience in media.  You can take a look at my job history and  both recommendations and project history  on LinkedIn here: 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/amanda-ly...




Pricing: 

I've made some changes here to better suit myself and authors who might need a tighter story edit in addition to the standard grammar and polish usually offered. My price is based on page count  and is as follows:

Standard Manuscript Editing:

1-150 page manuscripts  are $4 a page

151-400 page manuscripts are $2 a page (to help authors better afford fair editing even with larger manuscripts)

Polishing and Story Development Editing:

1-150 page manuscripts are $5 a page

151-400 page manuscripts are $3 a page

Back Cover Blurb Service:

Not sure how to word the premise of your book so that readers will be hooked and willing to pick it up? I'm familiar with how to use your plot to best effect for marketing purposes through my own experience as both an anthology editor and author. Please feel free to use this service for which I will charge the nominal fee of $2. 

Author Interview Services:

I do very thorough author interviews which engage the reader in both the author and their work, all I need is book cover images, a shot of the author and your willing participation in the interview process. This is shared around across several forms of social media and is a very effective way to market you and your work to potential readers. I charge a flat rate of $5 and work with you to best plan for this interview to be posted and marketed in tandem with your book release plans.



I may be open to negotiation on price, especially for some projects with greater length. I would prefer not to edit anything longer than 600 pages so that I'm not distracted from my work at JEA. Feel free to ask me about larger projects such as blog or novel series edits.



What to Expect from Me as Your Editor: 

I am a very helpful editor and like to give you all the info you need to improve your manuscript. When I edit I look for proper grammar usage, solid plotting, engaging storytelling and areas where the author could use cutting to improve the flow. I don't have a specific preference on genre or whether or not the work is fiction or nonfiction, but I do reserve the right to reject a project if I feel that I would not be the right editor for the work (conflict of interest or projects I find offensive due to topics like sexual abuse of minors utilized in a sexually titillating manner or technical books with which I have little experience for example). I prefer to look at a few pages of the work first, do a sample edit (2-6 pages) if you'd like to see what you'd get with my services, and then make an agreement with the author on how we'd like to proceed.

What I Need from You as an Author: 

 I only work with files that can be opened in Miscrosoft Word because it's much easier to use that program's comments system to note changes and make notes on areas where some work is needed.  Please submit manuscripts in 12 point Times New Roman, as is industry standard, it's easier for both of us to read and doesn’t cause issues if you’re using a program whose font isn’t compatible with my computer. If we are in agreement about all other aspects of the project, we’ll discuss pricing and the length of time that will be needed and/or which you prefer for completion. I prefer to receive half of the agreed upon fee at the beginning of the assignment and the other half on completion, but if you prefer to pay in full on agreement that is fine.  I take payment for my work via Paypal.

If you would be interested in seeking my help with editing or have any questions please e-mail me at nightshade44637@gmail.com with the heading "Editing Inquiry" with your book title. Thanks. 

Update: I'm Not Dead, I Swear!

I've had an eventful year or so, and things being what they were, I wasn't able to update too often. I do have some stories coming out in anthos soon and I should be hearing back about Other Dangers: Slipped Through before long so I can get you an update on that. Otherwise just assume I am diligently writing away on my next novel or short story and generally doing that living thing :P I do have another blog going which you can find here, if you are so inclined as to check it out: 

http://scorpionslabyrinth.weebly.com/...

It is a bit more self discovery and mindfulness than this blog but it might be worth a look for some of you guys that have liked these sort of posts I've posted here in the past.  Feel free to reach out if you have any editing you need done or if you'd like to do an author interview with me as well. Always up for those! 

Guest Post: Andy Peloquin Shares The Last Bucelarii (Book 2): Lament of the Fallen

Andy Peloquin: Lover of All Things Dark and Mysterious

Andy Peloquin--a third culture kid to the core--has loved to read since before he could remember. Sherlock Holmes, the Phantom of the Opera, and Father Brown are just a few of the books that ensnared his imagination as a child.
 
When he discovered science fiction and fantasy through the pages of writers like Edgar Rice Burroughs, J.R.R Tolkien, and Orson Scott Card, he was immediately hooked and hasn't looked back since.
 
Reading—and now writing—is his favorite escape, and it provides him an outlet for his innate creativity. He is an artist; words are his palette.
 
His website (http://www.andypeloquin.com) is a second home for him, a place where he can post his thoughts and feelings--along with reviews of books he finds laying around the internet.


http://andypeloquin.com/
www.linkedin.com/in/andypeloquin/
https://plus.google.com/100885994638914122147/about
https://www.facebook.com/andyqpeloquin
https://twitter.com/AndyPeloquin    


Welcome to Einan…

The world of Einan is home to familiar terrain: arid deserts, rolling hills, towering mountains, plunging canyons, and grasslands that spread as far as the eye can see. The south of Einan is temperate, with the land becoming harsher the farther north you travel. From the Advanat Desert to the Yathi mountain range to the Whispering Wastes to the Empty Mountains, northern Einan is inhospitable.
Yet the cities of the south prosper. Malandria, the City of a Thousand Spires, is the hub through which all commerce flows. Crops from Voramis and Praamis travel north, while spices, wine, and jewelery from Nysl and Drash travel south. The arable land is welcoming to all who would make it their home.
Book 1 finds the Hunter in Voramis, the city he has called home for 50 years. His legend as an immortal, ruthless, relentless assassin is well-known in the city, and he is feared by all. Yet he kills not because he wants to, but because it is the only way to find peace from the voices in his head.
He finds himself at odds with the Bloody Hand, the criminal organization that rules the city in all but name, and the Dark Heresy, the shadowy arm of the law. Saved from death by an unlikely ally, he finds the truth of his heritage: he is a Bucelarii, a half-demon. When faced with the choice to join the demons or fight for humanity, he chooses the side of life. He is forced to kill the demons he faces, and bring down the organizations hunting him.
 
Voramis had been cleansed. The Bloody Hand was no more, the Dark Heresy a thing of the past.
So now what? What does my future hold?
He stared out over the city where he had lived for so many years, but saw only an unfamiliar jungle of buildings and streets. Something beyond the horizon beckoned to him, a pull he could not resist.
Voramis is no longer my home; of that much I am certain.
It had ceased being his home the moment Farida died. He needed to find answers, but something told him he would not find them in Voramis.
He needed to know more about who he was—what he was. He needed answers about the creature within him.
 
Book 2 finds the Hunter journeying north in search of answers into his forgotten past. He remembers the mystery woman who has plagued his dreams for years, and he is driven to search for her. Yet on the road, he finds himself drawn into a conflict between bandits and the last people on Einan he would wish to defend!
Read the book to find out what happens next…


Book Launch Event:https://www.facebook.com/events/1756560507952924/
Join my Thunderclap:  https://www.thunderclap.it/projects/44830-the-hunter-rides-again



Book Blurb:The Last Bucelarii (Book 2): Lament of the Fallen
The Hunter of Voramis is no more.


Alone with the bloodthirsty voices in his head, fleeing the pain of loss, he has one objective: travel north to find Her, the mystery woman who plagues his dreams and haunts his memories.
When he stumbles upon a bandit attack, something within urges him to help. His actions set him at odds with the warrior priests commanded to hunt down the Bucelarii.
Left for dead, the Hunter must travel to Malandria to recover his stolen birthright. There, he is inexorably drawn into direct conflict with the Order of Midas, the faceless, nameless group of magicians that holds the city in a grip of terror. All while struggling to silence the ever-louder voice in his mind that drives him to kill.
From feared assassin to wretched outcast, the Hunter's journey leads him to truths about his forgotten past and the Abiarazi he has pledged to hunt. His discoveries will shed light on who he really is…what he really is.
Fans of Joe Abercrombie, Brandon Sanderson, and Brent Weeks will love the Hunter…


​Reviews:
"Creative, gritty, and beautifully dark...fantasy addicts will love it!" -- Peter Story, author of Things Grak Hates -- http://peterjstory.com/
"The fantasy world has a compelling new antihero…the Hunter will terrify and captivate you." - Eve A Floriste, author of Fresh Cut
"From the first words on the page this fantasy holds the reader spellbound even after the book is finished…his character is very well-defined even if his past is a mystery. Root for an assassin? Oh, yes, one must!" -- Carol Conley, for InDTale Magazine
"Oh the carnage! Fantastic bloodthirsty carnage! The fight scenes in this book were fast-paced, detailed and thrilling. I love a good sword fight and there is plenty of that here." -- Ami L. Hart
"One could get lost in this novel for its twisting plots, seemingly endless imagination, dark yet irresistible characters, or the mind-numbing paradox of its simultaneously dark and romantic world. One could follow the long and winding road of the dusky, fierce protagonist and fight tooth and nail not to sympathize with him. One could dance in the dizzying, intricate circles of Peloquin's neo-mythology, or even basque in the black sunlight of a well-crafted gothic novel that both entertains and enlightens." -- Jesse G. Christiansen


Buy Links:
Amazon Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/Last-Bucelarii-Book-Lament-Fallen-ebook/dp/B01JJ5CKOU/
Amazon Paperback: https://www.amazon.com/Last-Bucelarii-Book-Lament-Fallen/dp/1535388668/
Amazon Canada: https://www.amazon.ca/Last-Bucelarii-Book-Lament-Fallen-ebook/dp/B01JJ5CKOU/
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30973111-lament-of-the-fallen

Interview with Desmond Reddick Author of Mother of Abominations

Bio:

​Desmond Reddick lives on Vancouver Island where he teaches, writes and podcasts. Bred on a steady stream of comics, horror movies and books, he enjoys writing a gruesome, thrilling tale. When not working, he spends time with his indulgent wife, two vicious children and a dog named Kirby.






Links:
Dread Media's website: www.dreadmedia.com
Author website (which isn't up yet, but I'll be doing that this weekend: www.desmondreddick.com
Amazon author page (also has cover images for my other works mentioned) : http://www.amazon.com/Desmond-Reddick/e/B00P1NM9H8/ref=dp_byline_cont_ebooks_1
Awesome Mark Maddox cover for MOTHER OF ABOMINATIONS: http://postimg.org/image/fk8uc8al7/

Your book Mother of Abominations just came out, can you tell us a little bit about it?

Well, the book begins on the morning of April 3rd, 1982 when the British Parliament was meeting in a special session to announce their entry into the Falklands War. Our protagonist, Bree Kenny stands watching from a park across the street as she waits for the bomb her and her IRA associates planted to explode. It would be the biggest act of terrorism in history, and it would be an act of revenge. Her twin brother was captured and imprisoned after killing an MP, so Bree was going to up the ante by killing ALL the MPs. The bomb doesn't go off, though and Bree is arrested.
A British Intelligence officer tells her she has two options: she can refuse to work for the British and rot in jail for the rest of her life, the rest of the world never knowing about what she had tried to do, or she can work with the government and on successful completion of the mission, free her brother and disappear somewhere far away from the Commonwealth. The mission? Go to Boleskine House and stop Aleister Crowley from awakening and harnessing the power of the Loch Ness Monster. From there, Bree has to figure out if the enemy of her enemy is her friend, or if an entirely different opportunity will rear its head. It's a mixture of military intrigue, occult ritual and kaiju action in a world where the world superpowers developed giant monsters as weapons instead of nuclear warheads.

Mother is a kaiju and pulp horror blend featuring Alistair Crowley and a bomb threat on parliament.  What inspired you to write it?

Well, Mother of Abominations is the first novel in the Monster Earth series from Mechanoid Press. There are two anthologies available, but publisher James Palmer and Monster Earth creator Jim Beard really wanted to branch out and have novels set within their shared universe. They asked me to pitch something and, not to try and employ a cliché, but the story sprung almost fully realized from my brain in one moment. They liked my pitch and asked for a plot breakdown of the whole book. They liked that and asked me to write it.
I love films like The Devil Rides Out and other stories about cults. I also have a fascination with my Irish and Scottish heritage. In the 90s, there was a glut of Irish terrorist movies made in Hollywood, among them Blown Away, In the Name of the Father and The Devil's Own. Most of those movies never really looked at things from the Irish side, and, while I don't support terrorist activities, I thought exploring that would be interesting. You're putting the main character behind the eight ball with a lot of readers from the get-go when she starts the book by trying to murder hundreds of people in cold blood, but I felt like I could tell both sides of that kind of conflict in this book, all buried in the framework of a giant monster story. I like to say this book is The Devil's Own meets The Devil Rides Out in a world with giant monsters.

What are your favorite parts of the book? Favorite character or parts of characters?

One of my favourite parts of the book is a practical look at how a government manages the existence of giant monsters. In this world, by 1982, monsters have been around and used by nation-states for almost fifty years. So, I asked myself, what goes into the raising and housing of such a thing? How does the public react to this kind of thing? What kind of government bureaucracy exists around it? So that's when I came up with the British side of things. Her Majesty's Giant Monster existed already in the story bible of the shared universe, but I created the organization that managed her. I won't go too into it so as not to spoil it, but I tried to put a British spin on it and it ended up being a part of what I really liked about the book.
My other favourite thing about it is the general goings-on at Boleskine House. I researched Crowley and the house a lot, and I knew the basic lay of the land, having been to Loch Ness, so I really got into that. The section at Boleskine House started out as a bit of a stopping point along the way in the plot of the novel, but it organically became its own thing while I was writing it. The dissidents and weirdoes there all birthed their own personalities and roles. In particular, Doucette (who I based off of my best friend) is a favourite character. He's a nasty piece of work and was a hell of a lot of fun to write.

Mother of Abominations isn’t your first brush with horror, can you tell us a little about some of your other writing past and future? Favorite topics to write about?

I've had a half dozen short stories published in anthologies over the past few years. Strangely, they are ALL historical horror stories. Three weird westerns and a vikings versus zombies story. I guess I have to say that I liked weird westerns! I do like the iconic imagery present in westerns. It's more all-pervading than other genres. The visual shorthand is so strong that you can get across a lot of meaning in very few words.
The connecting tissue in a lot of these is Lovecraftian fiction. I love the cosmic horror stuff and will definitely be writing more of it. My last short story publication was my first professional one that combined Lovecraft and fairy tales. I wrote a modern day coming of age story for a young First Nations man on the west coast of Vancouver Island who comes across Shub-Niggurath. I'm very proud of it, and it was a feather in my cap to be in the same book as JF Gonzalez and Mary SanGiovanni, both influential writers to me.
My next novel, which I'm only a few thousand words away from finishing, is a superhero noir story. I'm very excited to get the first draft out to my beta readers for feedback. After that, I'll be doing something more traditionally in the horror realm.
While I love horror more than any other genre, I think I come more from the Joe R. Lansdale school of writing. I think it's best to be a genre rather than write within one. It probably means that I'll have a tougher time growing a reader base with such diverse output, but I write what I want to write. I hadn't intended to do a superhero novel, but the idea came to me and I had to jump on it.

Are there any subjects you won’t write about? What are your taboos?

I don't think so. I haven't come across it yet. Though, I have no desire to write explicit rape or animal/child abuse which must be something that a lot of people write about seeing as most submission calls I see say not to submit those kinds of stories.
That all said, I'm not entirely against it. If I write something so brutal and explicit, it would have to be for a reason. Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door comes to mind. It's sickening and hard to read, but it is one of the best and most visceral things I've ever read. 

When did you bridge the gap between horror fan and writer? Was it a good experience?

I've always written. It sounds stupid, but even as a kid. I have a bound book of my terrible stories my grade two teacher put together for me. Most of them are ripoffs of The Monster Squad, Princess Bride and the G.I. Joe cartoon, but I was writing them.
I would have to say I became more serious about it a decade ago when I started writing my column Reel Dread for www.earth-2.net . I wrote mostly about horror cinema, but regularly writing about it re-energized me into writing when I had only really written essays for university or lyrics for my band for several years before that. I wrote fifty Reel Dreads over the span of three years, and I keep meaning to polish them up and publish them all together as an eBook. So, that was mostly fan writing, which I've continued, as I have contributed to two of the three Monster Serial anthologies (essays on horror cinema).
From then on, I have decided to push forward with a career in writing, working up from short stories to short novels. It's a work-in-progress.

You also run the Dread Media podcast, can you tell us a little about putting that together and what sort of subjects you like to tackle there?

I was already writing the column at Earth-2.net and Mike Sims, the webmaster there, offered to publish a podcast of mine if I wanted to do it. Dread Media was already a short-lived segment on his podcast at the time, so I said yes.
I never wanted there to be a set format, and I wanted to cover the whole genre. So, while I review mostly horror films, I also cover comics, literature, music and more. Sometimes I'll have interviews as well with people involved in the genre.
I'm very proud of the community we've built at Dread Media, and we've been going for 444 weeks straight at this point without missing an episode. I don't plan to stop anytime soon.

Do you enjoy working with other authors and reviewing movies and books through the show?

Absolutely! It started as a very solitary experience, but I've since introduced co-reviews with a revolving cast of cohosts and I have regular segments contributed on an almost weekly basis as well. It's become a bit of a crowd-sourced podcast by this point, and I think that's very cool. I even have a spinoff called Dread Media Presents where longer form segments get their due. Though that's been on the backburner as I've been concentrating on the writing. I have a backlog of stuff to get through when I do get the time.
I've made friends with these cohosts and even some authors I previously admired through the show. It's been a lot of hard work in some aspects, but it's incredibly rewarding. Not monetarily, mind you.

Any especially good experiences through Dread Media? Any dream guests you’d love to have on the show?

Dread Media has offered me the opportunity to talk to authors like the aforementioned Joe R. Lansdale and Jack Ketchum and many more. I like to think that I soak in a little bit of their advice or method in every conversation. Authors are fun to interview because they're often very good at talking about themselves, as the length of this interview may attest. I've been able to talk to bestsellers right on down to the indie guys and every single time, I've been able to pull some really cool information or advice or stories out of them. I've also been extremely lucky to chat with other influential people like the late Oderus Urungus (Dave Brockie) from Gwar who did his interview in character. That blew my mind. Talking to legendary comics artist Gene Colan was a completely transformative experience for me as well. I believe that was his last ever interview. I recently talked to Fabio Frizzi who composed music for some of my all-time favourite films, so that was a complete blast. Speaking to young people who are absolutely killing it in their chosen field like The Soska Twins and music video director Phil Mucci among many others is always energizing and powerful for my creative engine. Musicians, filmmakers, authors, artists. It's great company to keep. If you live in an isolated place like I do, I've found it so completely rewarding to be able to pick these peoples' minds for my own process.
As far as dream guests go, I would love to talk to Clive Barker and Stephen King. Both of them were, and continue to be, hugely influential to me. Elvira would be amazing. She was my first crush. Film composer Angelo Badalamenti, Glenn Danzig, Alice Cooper. They would all be amazing.

Do you have any other projects you’d like to mention?

I'm working on a comic book with an artist friend of mine (a weird western...shocker!), but that's in the very early stages. I'm almost finished with my second novel and I'm not sure if I'll self-publish it or try to find a publisher, so keep on the lookout for that. My friend and I made a horror short film called The Killing House one afternoon a few summers ago, so go and check that out on Vimeo: http://player.vimeo.com/video/103446672 . That was fun. I got to star as the killer. I also composed the score and you can buy that here: http://dreadmedia.bandcamp.com/releases .
Basically I'm just getting started with this writing thing, so keep an eye out for me. 

A Peek at Hollow Black Corners of the Soul: Shades of Midnight Book 4

 





​As it says above this is just a quick early peek at some of the plot in Hollow Black Corners of the Soul where we get a better idea of how Mateo wound up where and who he is and how Anton was as absolutely fucked in the head as he was by the time he met Katja. Don't forget you can find books 1-3 on Amazon in both paperback and ebook formats :) Happy reading!  


As he grows, as he learns to be what he has become, Anton draws away from him, watching him with callous eyes from the dark as he hunts, and bitter cruelty when they share their bed. It is as if he sleeps alone and soon they both come to resent each other.
He can feel the hate building with him, the ache of love turned and manipulated to be nothing but regret and damning, dangerous self destruction. He knows that it was he who chose this path and that he ignored Anton’s warning words. Still his anger grows. How could he have known what would come? Was he to take Anton at his word, which had already been so vague and evading? I have changed for him. I have become a monster to be with him and he slips further and further from me each day. Am I to be punished for wanting to be what he needed? I gave him what he needed and still he was not whole, instead the emptiness in him is slipping into me, swallowing me up.
He looks up to the mirror again, watches as the warm almond flesh of his body begins to slip, decay and horror overshadowing the soul that still-impossibly- lives in his eyes no matter how dusty and dead they become. Over and over, he watches this change deepen, the contours of his face growing gaunt and ripping open to show the white bones of his skull beneath, the wormy masses that would now be devouring his flesh mottling the flesh that clings to him in that mirror image. He should not smell it, but he can detect the distinct and overpowering stench of death. It’s a horrid magic as true as the pain that eats at him now and as awful as the ache of abandoned love in his heart.
“What good does it do to sit here and watch what has been denied to time? Would you fester in death and decay when they no longer hold such power over you? Would you feed the last of your humanity to it?”
Rage slides like daggers down Mateo’s arms and then the large mirror is in his hands and soon thrown across the room to shatter. “What humanity? What is left but a monster you made-no-a monster I made because you let me! You made me into this! You took away my happiness and my pride! Ripped them from me bit by bit! Why? To feed yourself, to fill a hole within your being which has instead sought a new home in me! You speak so about your sadness and the depths to which you’ve descended as if I could save you! As if you would let me near enough! Why would I not mourn what has been taken from me? Why would you not allow me it, if you know it so well?”
Anton’s eyes sparkle in the candlelight, bright blue jewels flickering with something Mateo can’t quite name. His voice when it comes is low and nearly inaudible. “I never wanted this. I never wanted to create another. I swore I would leave all hope of companionship in my past, but there you were. It was you who sought me out and you who stayed with me when I warned you away. I should have devoured you that night, taken only what I needed and left you the corpse you have grown so enamored with! Instead I was weak! I saw you and all the life within you. You were a light in my darkness, an antidote to the past and so very appealing to a starving man.” His quiet laughter is thick with irony. “Now I-”
Mateo hears a sound, a low painful mewling and soon he traces it to his own chest. It’s a mournful sound, but deep under it and growing is the sound of rage. “You would tell me what I meant now? You would hold that from me until I am this?” Rage burns through his veins, the pain of it eating him up sending him across the room to Anton, still leaning there against the wall, heedless and unknowable.
His fists pound into the soft white of Anton’s chest over and over and then up into his throat, an eye, that smug mouth, and then it isn’t enough. His hands wrap around his throat and he squeezes, the agony of his compressing windpipe making Anton gasp, his eyes thick with tears and bitterness. His hands are wrapped tight around Mateo’s arms, trying to pull them away as he gasps, red blood coloring his face, and soon the flaming blue of his eyes. “I loved you. I wanted to be with you, to heal your pain and make something that could stand the test of time! I tried to be what you needed. You gave me no sign of your love, no clue that we were more than bedmates. How dare you drop this on my head when I am so far removed from what I wanted to be for you!”
Anton’s hands fall away from him and through the pain he looks up at Mateo, pleading as he lifts his throat, offering it to him. Mateo is not so far gone in his anger to miss his meaning. Take my life. End my suffering. Rage is overridden by a new emotion, choked away by horror and disgust.
His fingers and hands slowly unwind themselves from Anton’s throat and he lets him fall to the floor. “I will never offer you that. I will not be your monster.”
A horse gasp escapes Anton, his head heavy on his neck as he laughs. “Of course not. It would be too easy, too good for me after all that has come with the intent to tear me apart. How could I expect you to give me what I want? Go now. Get away from me while you still can. Find a place in this world where I am not!”
“You threaten me? Now? I have spared your life and so you will have no more to do with me?” Fear blooms in his chest. He knows so little about what he is and he can never go back to his old life now. His mother, decadent and open-minded creature that she is, would never understand.
Anton rises from the floor, sweeping away blood and spit. Even now the bruises and wounds are healing, slipping away into his flesh as if they’d never come to be. “I told you to go! I spare you! I let you live, Mateo, I let you seek some place where you might grow and even blossom away from my destruction, but if you would leave, I bid you do it now, before I come to another decision. I have killed before and I would do it again to regain my solitude! You can offer me nothing more and I would not be so forgiving given the chance.”
Tired, feeling lost and disoriented, he looked at Anton, there against the wall, and he took in the place they had called home for so long. He was surprised to feel something rising up in him that was not bound up in anger and realized that it was a certain sort of hope. He had been a prisoner in these rooms and in Anton’s arms. He had never thought to leave, to take the freedom he didn’t know he wanted. Regret and hope were a strange mix in his heart as he took Anton at his word and walked away.

Time is a Funny Thing and so are Memories

Some weeks back I started doing counseling. In some ways it was a spur of the moment thing, but in others it was something that was honestly long overdue. I've written some blog posts that talked about my battles with self doubt, loss, my anxiety and the overthinking tied into all of it, if you've read into any of those you get what I mean about it being something I should've tried sooner. I honestly did, to be fair, but I was not as invested then and I had a counselor that didn't mesh well with me just as in high school I tackled guidance counselors who meant well but who weren't really equipped to tackle the crud I had running in my funny little anxious mind. This time its working out and I think I just hit the point at which I know it is because I'm processing things on a much deeper level than I had been before. 

If you've ever done solid counseling you'll know what I mean when I say I've been dealing with a roller-coaster of  thoughts and feelings, digging into the meat of the beast and trying to figure out out how to start tackling all of my layers. By no means is that easy and the weirdest little bits will lead to self-discovery and a pathway of thinking that's been causing issues for you and the people in your life as a result. I am very intuitive about a lot of things, and my counselor appreciates that, it helps us both figure out the bugs and me to put things into words so that he gets them - but, well, I really really suck at accepting myself, its my biggest weakness. 

Why? Well, I was always the girl who stood out anyway, but I also tackled a lot of loss and upheaval in my life, much of it in big drowning stretches and, rather than ever learning it wasn't me, I took on the blame. It must be something with me, it must be that I was selfish in some way, if I did this thing differently, if I was just this much more of this other thing, If I was less of whatever it was that must make me different and unworthy. I got to where I was dumping a good two thirds of my being into every single relationship in my life, familial, friend, acquaintance, lover they all got huge swaths of me without me ever really expecting anything in return. I wondered why it was that I was always needing, I was always searching for some ephemeral thing, why I had this sense that I was failing everything.  If I was only ever enough, if I was enough I could do so much.

Except I was never enough, no matter what effort I put in, no matter how nice I was even when I was hurting, I was always that weird girl, the unworthy one.  I did get better, I did shift and change and grow, but those core things remained, still marked my thinking, the way I coped. And the loss just kept happening, I even nearly faced losing my own life twice when I had kids and lost a baby only a few years after tackling untreated post-partum and losing my mother in law far too early. I was running on fumes and trying to be better without trying to actually fix the core structure problems with my thinking, fixing the things in my life that left me feeling less than whole. I still thought I was doing the right thing, I still thought I was doing ok. I didn't get that I was still that same teenage girl with all of the baggage and fear of being left behind, I didn't see I threw my needs under the bus when it came to fulfilling the needs of the people in my life, that I was last in my own consideration.  

Then I started to really think about the things I was talking about in counseling, the little lines between this thing and another, the fact that  after a while he made  learning to take that I was accepted for who I was for granted the first major goal, and I really started to understand where I stood. How far I had to go.

I  opened some stored away writing and correspondence from those high school days today after Roo got into it and scattered some of it around. Looking at it gave me pause. I discovered old pieces I didn't remember writing and I found that old self to be not all that different, her fears much the same as my own. I didn't get any better these lat many years, not really. What I got better at was surviving and avoiding, at not addressing things and changing them for the better. I've been hobbling along on a broken leg hoping it'd get better if I left it alone and just kept walking. 

I've spent a lot of today looking at that old stuff and trying to think exactly what it is I need to do to make whatever time I get meaningful for me as much as it is for everyone else in my life. How it is I have failed to ask for my needs to be fulfilled so that I am nourishing myself before everyone else instead of after.This piece in particular grabbed my attention, as much because I  had forgotten I'd written as because it spoke to the things that still eat me up about how I connect to others. It was written in my sophomore year, long before I ever met any of the people I am close with now and when the one friend I had then, a girl named April, left.  I am still always waiting for you all to leave, to find me inferior and faulty, never enough. 

The One Left Behind

It was an ordinary ring, a bit tarnished, the strange green colored stone broken, cracked, marked by time, but an ordinary ring just the same. As she looked at it she wondered what it had been through, where it had come from, and looked it over. There were no initials, no sign of its previous owner, no scent of her baby powder and perfume. 

"Here, take this, She'd said, and put it on her pinky.

It had been several months since she had seen her glowing face, looked into her sad childlike eyes mumbling about one thing or another, a long time. Passing down the hallways at school, avoiding one person or another, he would think about her and feel depressed again. She wasn't exactly all that happy when she had been here, if she'd ever been happy, but it was a deeper pain this time. 

None of the faces in the hallway bore any concern for her, not even when she was jumbled among them in the classroom. She was a piece of the wall or maybe the floor would be closer. Most of the time it didn't matter, the more they ignored her the less ridicule she faced, right? But sometimes she wanted to sit down and talk to somebody, release the burden of thoughts repeatedly puzzled over, just to know someone was a little closer to her understanding. She had other friends, well, something close to friends anyway. 

Somewhere miles away she lived in a town where she could see her twin again and be happy. Without me, the girl thought. 

She'd called her friend's previous foster mother and asked about her one sad and windy night while she'd waited for her family to come back from shopping.  "she's ok in her new home." Without me, she thought and half choked on tars as she hung up.

It was odd, the ring, it wasn't a mood ring, no possible way to could be, but it seemed to darken when she was feeling especially  down or lighten when she had a fair day. As she looked at it for a moment she wondered about the strange occurrence, but gave it up a second later. There were stranger things. She turned on her headset and walked off down the lane to wait for her bus.

 "She'll be staying with me in the summer. I'll tell her to call." the ex-foster mother had said.

"Maybe," the girl whispered to herself, thinking about the conversation. "Or maybe I'm as forgotten by her as I am by them."

The ring represented the friendship, was supposed to anyway. Old marks chipped into th metal band were like reminders of the hardest parts this friendship had been through. Maybe I should ditch this, she thought taking it off. No, better to keep it just in case. 

She put an envelope in the mail, a letter to her cousin, her only real conversation now. Chill out, she wrote, when you were thirteen you weren't this down. Show people you aren't just you, but a child of God. She'd say that, had said that, maybe she should try the church or just the bible, she'd given her one. No, I don't have the patience. I don't have the trust. I don't have the faith. 

She looked at the ring. "I wonder what you're doing." She whispered and took it off to wash off the sweat marks and grime. "Do you miss me? Do you remember me?"

She sat down one night and tried to write an essay about what the world needed to fix its problems. It looked okay, so she put in her notebook. Glancing at the ring she fell asleep. "I miss you," She whispered. 

A week later she put down the essay, disgusted and unsure of its value. She picked up her novel and read.  She'll give it to someone to read over, maybe its just the mood she's in. 

When she gets the letter about it back she reads, puzzled, and her heart sinks. She signs the library sign out sheet and finished the letter in the library. 

Sighing she looks at the sign she's posted. Labyrinth Society of Storytellers meets this Friday. She doubts anyone will show up but it's a chance. When she gives the computer teacher the sheet of notebook paper talking about her band (their band) the teacher takes it and says she'll put it in the newsletter, the girl nods and twists her ring for luck. 

​No one showed for the Labyrinth Society nad no one's called ot join the band. She turns on her headeset and turns the volume full blast. Trent Reznor screaming "Happiness in Slavery" over her thoughts, she falls asleep five minutes later, clinging to the hope her friend will call this summer. Her sister plays in the makeup she never uses. 

​In the library she walks through the aisles looking for a book she hasn't read. There's too many drams, she would love those. She looks at the ring when sh reaches up to get a book, missing her friend again, her only friend. 

In time she forgets her friend a little and moves on, talking to her cousin by letter, reading, and writing to forget a little of the numbness. In computer class her partner approaches her about her band, asking if it's still going. "Yeah," she says. The other girl becomes one of the singers and she works on song lyrics while her partner looks for musicians. 

After a week or so their eagerness dies. So far there is no one and the band may never be. And so the girl takes the ring and starts to wash and polish it as she used to, clinging to a friendship which is no longer there. The ring has new chips she didn't notice before, and she descends into her old melancholy mood like an old familiar coat. 

Shades of Midnight Book 3: Cool Green Waters is OUT!

The long awaited sequel to Eyes Like Blue Fire and Water Like Crimson Sorrow has been released!


After the events of the gothic horror novels Eyes Like Blue Fire and Water Like Crimson Sorrow, the vampire Katja finds herself tackling a great deal. Having destroyed many of the revenant undead and occult relics left behind in the wake of her battle with Marie Gaston, she is exhausted and left with many questions about the master who made her his fledgling and the only other remaining vampire who can tell her more of his secrets, Mateo. 

Raven, the writer and poet she met one night and soon found herself bound to by blood despite all of her doubts and fears, has been left mentally and emotionally scarred by his experiences. Tortured, beaten, and left nearly lifeless by Marie’s hand, he is now trapped between his own identity and that of Anton, whose spirit still lives in his very being. Hoping to heal that damage on her own in their castle, she sends Zero and Michael to find Mateo in New Orleans where he is the owner of a very dark and sadistic bondage club where the broken and misguided members of the BDSM community converge to meet out their twisted desires. 

Dark forces are shifting and changing the world in which they find themselves, not all is as it seems and the past is far from buried.

Also Check out these recent anthologies which are also new releases: 

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