Heather McCarthy's Blog, page 2
June 4, 2013
Giveaway
My giveaway for an autographed paperback ends in 2 days, so take a chance.
http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/sho...
http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/sho...
May 31, 2013
The link to amazon
My novel is on kindle and in paperback
http://www.amazon.com/Mummy-Why-Heath...
http://www.amazon.com/Mummy-Why-Heath...
May 10, 2013
Chapter One Mummy Why
THE FUNERAL
“Thank God she’s dead!” A harsh realism, but one I still felt, none-the-less, and continued to dwell on as I drove pass the white gas tanks down route 93 from Boston to Braintree on my way to the funeral parlor. My adoptive father Dino was burying his wife Natalie, my adoptive mother.
....On July 26, 2002, my husband, Bill, got the call Natalie passed away. Passed away, how I hated that term and what does it mean anyway. Where did she pass? I thought maybe over a broken yellow line the kind you see painted on the street.
....I always seem to cry at weddings and everyone knew I never controlled my emotions. Bill knew not to call me at work because friends and family were aware that my relationship with Natalie was a pathetic excuse for love.
....Even after a harsh childhood, I managed to do the right thing by earning a degree in nursing to better myself. I rode the subway to Boston City Hospital for 23 years caring for the patients on a geriatric floor.
....Granted I had not spoken to Natalie for about two years, but thought it inconsiderate no one called me about the cancer until three weeks before her death. No one told me until Dino rushed her to the hospital with pneumonia. I called her every day, sometimes twice a day, but she was too sick or too spiteful to spend her last remaining days talking to me.
....Natalie and Dino moved to Florida 20 years before her death, but because the family still lived here, Dino flew Natalie’s body to Boston for the funeral. Bill, who I have been happily married to for 11 years, did not attend the funeral. Dino forbid him from showing his face and I always held Natalie responsible because she never hid the fact how much she disliked Bill, but now the evil she caused will lay buried with her forever. It was a chance, finally, for me to spend quality time with Dino without Natalie’s manipulating influence and it meant the world to me to mend what Natalie tried so hard to destroy.
....Because of heavy traffic, I showed up five minutes late for the Morning Prayer, I sat in a cold hard wooden chair staring at the face in the casket for 20 minutes not feeling a smidgeon of remorse. There was nothing left inside for me to feel. I existed as an entity with my soul apart from my body. As they closed the lid of Natalie’s casket I knew I was finally free. Before I knew it, I was sitting next to Dino in the back of the limo on my way to the cemetery.
....I stood at the grave site staring at the casket in front of me when it happened. The earliest of memories came crashing in like a bolt of thunder and lightning. The tears kept flowing no matter how hard I tried to stop them. I only thought about the years of abuse. How did it all start? When did it go badly or perhaps it was destined to go badly from the beginning? As Natalie’s mourners turned, trampling over graves of loved ones long lost, and approaching their cars, I remained beside Dino unable to move away. Dino hugged me and I floundered lost in the moment unable to grasp reality. Asking myself, “Mummy why?” I drifted further back to a day, a summer day long ago before I was adopted.
....It was the summer of 1958, Eisenhower was president, and I lived with my natural family. It was a blistering humid Saturday in June. I was playing in the backyard of my home, my olive colored body, clothed only in white panties as the sprinkler soaked my long dark Indian hair. As I stood in the yard, I smelled dry stale air somewhere in the distance and turned to look at the long dark trails of black smoke emanating from the factory stacks. A smoky gray silhouette typical of industrial cities like Lawrence permeated the sky.
....However, I was a happy child with no cares and nothing in the world could tear me from the excitement of jumping through the cold spray of water splashing up and out of the sprinkler. As I laughed and giggled, I caught a glimpse of a girl sitting on the steps of the back porch. Stopping suddenly without a second thought, I ran to the young girl. Out of breath from huffing and puffing, I plopped down next to the girl almost crashing into her.
....“Wha’ cha’ doin?,” I asked.
....“What do you want?” she asked.
....“Come, play with me!” I said.
....The girl on the steps started to cry and gave me a dirty look. She wanted nothing to do with me. She shouted, “Go away! You’re just a little brat!”
....Somehow upset, not understanding why, I started to speak again; she stood, looked down at me, and gave me a push. The push sent me tumbling down the steps and into the dirt. I got up as a tear started to fall from my eye due to the scrapes on my knee and chin.
....The next several months passed quickly. What do little girls really know or understand about the world. I remember waking early one cold snowy February morning and realized my Dad and the girl who pushed me did not live with mummy and me anymore. I never remembered them being around anyway.
....Phyllis, my natural mother, entered my room after the snow stopped falling, “Heather it’s time to get up and get dressed.”
....“Why?” I asked
....“Because I said so,” she replied.
....“Okay, what wear?” I asked
....“I left your clothes on the chair. Just put them on and let’s make it snappy Miss.”
....“Why?” I asked.
....“Heather!” in a tone that hurt my ears, “Just do what you’re told and stop asking so many damn questions! Now let’s go. Speed it up, Missy.”
....My mother turned and left the room as abruptly as she entered it. I flung back the thin white sheet which covered me and sat up in bed. Clad in a long white tee shirt, the kind my dad wore, I swung my legs over the side of the cot.
....As I shifted my body, I heard the squeal and creak of the springs beneath me. I stood up, raised my arms above my head, gave out a sigh, and a stretch making me feel tall enough to touch the ceiling. I walked over to the only window in the room, stood there for a moment and gazed out. There was nothing to see except the same old trails of smoke coming from the smelly factories. I turned and leaned my head against the cool white wall staring into the coldest looking room I ever remember. The only shred of warmth in the room came from the yellow glow of the sun’s rays through the window. A bright sun, the kind that always follows a winter snowstorm.
....I grabbed the pink flowered blouse and pants that had been slung carelessly over the back of the chair. I finished dressing and walked over to the door, which shed small white jagged-shaped pieces of chipped paint onto the floor. I opened the door and walked into the kitchen.
....The first thing I saw was the fridge where Mum kept the milk and popsicles. In front of the brown rusty fridge stood a silver trimmed table and four matching chairs with shiny legs. I strolled over to one chair, pulled it from the table by one of its legs, and climbed up on the plastic red and white cushion. While I sat there, fidgeting and waited for something to eat, I watched my mother standing at the sink with her back facing me.
....She turned, looked at me, and slid a bowl of lumpy oatmeal across the table. She pulled out one chair, sat down, and smiled at me, “Hurry now and finish your breakfast. We need to drive down to the welfare office in Boston and ask the people there for some money.”
....“Why mon’y?” asking between the spoonfuls of oatmeal.
....“Because money buys food, clothes, and other things we need,” my mother told me.
....“Oh boy, food!” I thought to myself, I hope it’s better than this stuff.
....“Now come on, hurry and finish your breakfast. No dilly-dallying either, we need to leave soon. Let’s make it quick Missy!” she said.
....After breakfast, Mum, my baby brothers and I, jumped into the broken down 1947 Chevy Fleet master and drove to the welfare office.
....I walked into one of the very tall buildings holding my brother Sean’s hand. My mother walked closely behind us holding my infant brother Joseph. We walked into the office directly to the left of the front door, which had only three chairs. My mother sat down first. I lovingly pushed Sean into the last chair and snuggled in the middle chair between Sean and my mother. After a few minutes, two women entered the room. The first woman walked behind the desk and sat in a big leather chair. She picked up the file on her desk and opened it without ever looking at me. The second woman walked over to Joseph and took him from my mothers’ arms. She then gazed down at me and said, “Why don’t you and Sean come with me for a little while.”
....I looked at my mother curiously for some sign of approval.
“Go on, Heather, take Sean, and go with the nice lady. It will only be for a little while. Watch out for your brothers and do not take your eyes off Sean. I will see you in a little while,” my mother said.
....I looked back up at the woman and then back to Sean. I took Sean by the hand, stood up, and followed the woman out of the room. We walked across the hall to a large room with more toys and dolls than I had ever seen before.
....I do not remember the details, but that was the last time I ever saw my natural mother. I did not realize it then but my life was about to change forever. During the next 11 months, I was shuffled from foster home to foster home until I met Dino and Natalie. They would be the couple who would teach me, coddle me, and mold me into that which I was to become.
“Thank God she’s dead!” A harsh realism, but one I still felt, none-the-less, and continued to dwell on as I drove pass the white gas tanks down route 93 from Boston to Braintree on my way to the funeral parlor. My adoptive father Dino was burying his wife Natalie, my adoptive mother.
....On July 26, 2002, my husband, Bill, got the call Natalie passed away. Passed away, how I hated that term and what does it mean anyway. Where did she pass? I thought maybe over a broken yellow line the kind you see painted on the street.
....I always seem to cry at weddings and everyone knew I never controlled my emotions. Bill knew not to call me at work because friends and family were aware that my relationship with Natalie was a pathetic excuse for love.
....Even after a harsh childhood, I managed to do the right thing by earning a degree in nursing to better myself. I rode the subway to Boston City Hospital for 23 years caring for the patients on a geriatric floor.
....Granted I had not spoken to Natalie for about two years, but thought it inconsiderate no one called me about the cancer until three weeks before her death. No one told me until Dino rushed her to the hospital with pneumonia. I called her every day, sometimes twice a day, but she was too sick or too spiteful to spend her last remaining days talking to me.
....Natalie and Dino moved to Florida 20 years before her death, but because the family still lived here, Dino flew Natalie’s body to Boston for the funeral. Bill, who I have been happily married to for 11 years, did not attend the funeral. Dino forbid him from showing his face and I always held Natalie responsible because she never hid the fact how much she disliked Bill, but now the evil she caused will lay buried with her forever. It was a chance, finally, for me to spend quality time with Dino without Natalie’s manipulating influence and it meant the world to me to mend what Natalie tried so hard to destroy.
....Because of heavy traffic, I showed up five minutes late for the Morning Prayer, I sat in a cold hard wooden chair staring at the face in the casket for 20 minutes not feeling a smidgeon of remorse. There was nothing left inside for me to feel. I existed as an entity with my soul apart from my body. As they closed the lid of Natalie’s casket I knew I was finally free. Before I knew it, I was sitting next to Dino in the back of the limo on my way to the cemetery.
....I stood at the grave site staring at the casket in front of me when it happened. The earliest of memories came crashing in like a bolt of thunder and lightning. The tears kept flowing no matter how hard I tried to stop them. I only thought about the years of abuse. How did it all start? When did it go badly or perhaps it was destined to go badly from the beginning? As Natalie’s mourners turned, trampling over graves of loved ones long lost, and approaching their cars, I remained beside Dino unable to move away. Dino hugged me and I floundered lost in the moment unable to grasp reality. Asking myself, “Mummy why?” I drifted further back to a day, a summer day long ago before I was adopted.
....It was the summer of 1958, Eisenhower was president, and I lived with my natural family. It was a blistering humid Saturday in June. I was playing in the backyard of my home, my olive colored body, clothed only in white panties as the sprinkler soaked my long dark Indian hair. As I stood in the yard, I smelled dry stale air somewhere in the distance and turned to look at the long dark trails of black smoke emanating from the factory stacks. A smoky gray silhouette typical of industrial cities like Lawrence permeated the sky.
....However, I was a happy child with no cares and nothing in the world could tear me from the excitement of jumping through the cold spray of water splashing up and out of the sprinkler. As I laughed and giggled, I caught a glimpse of a girl sitting on the steps of the back porch. Stopping suddenly without a second thought, I ran to the young girl. Out of breath from huffing and puffing, I plopped down next to the girl almost crashing into her.
....“Wha’ cha’ doin?,” I asked.
....“What do you want?” she asked.
....“Come, play with me!” I said.
....The girl on the steps started to cry and gave me a dirty look. She wanted nothing to do with me. She shouted, “Go away! You’re just a little brat!”
....Somehow upset, not understanding why, I started to speak again; she stood, looked down at me, and gave me a push. The push sent me tumbling down the steps and into the dirt. I got up as a tear started to fall from my eye due to the scrapes on my knee and chin.
....The next several months passed quickly. What do little girls really know or understand about the world. I remember waking early one cold snowy February morning and realized my Dad and the girl who pushed me did not live with mummy and me anymore. I never remembered them being around anyway.
....Phyllis, my natural mother, entered my room after the snow stopped falling, “Heather it’s time to get up and get dressed.”
....“Why?” I asked
....“Because I said so,” she replied.
....“Okay, what wear?” I asked
....“I left your clothes on the chair. Just put them on and let’s make it snappy Miss.”
....“Why?” I asked.
....“Heather!” in a tone that hurt my ears, “Just do what you’re told and stop asking so many damn questions! Now let’s go. Speed it up, Missy.”
....My mother turned and left the room as abruptly as she entered it. I flung back the thin white sheet which covered me and sat up in bed. Clad in a long white tee shirt, the kind my dad wore, I swung my legs over the side of the cot.
....As I shifted my body, I heard the squeal and creak of the springs beneath me. I stood up, raised my arms above my head, gave out a sigh, and a stretch making me feel tall enough to touch the ceiling. I walked over to the only window in the room, stood there for a moment and gazed out. There was nothing to see except the same old trails of smoke coming from the smelly factories. I turned and leaned my head against the cool white wall staring into the coldest looking room I ever remember. The only shred of warmth in the room came from the yellow glow of the sun’s rays through the window. A bright sun, the kind that always follows a winter snowstorm.
....I grabbed the pink flowered blouse and pants that had been slung carelessly over the back of the chair. I finished dressing and walked over to the door, which shed small white jagged-shaped pieces of chipped paint onto the floor. I opened the door and walked into the kitchen.
....The first thing I saw was the fridge where Mum kept the milk and popsicles. In front of the brown rusty fridge stood a silver trimmed table and four matching chairs with shiny legs. I strolled over to one chair, pulled it from the table by one of its legs, and climbed up on the plastic red and white cushion. While I sat there, fidgeting and waited for something to eat, I watched my mother standing at the sink with her back facing me.
....She turned, looked at me, and slid a bowl of lumpy oatmeal across the table. She pulled out one chair, sat down, and smiled at me, “Hurry now and finish your breakfast. We need to drive down to the welfare office in Boston and ask the people there for some money.”
....“Why mon’y?” asking between the spoonfuls of oatmeal.
....“Because money buys food, clothes, and other things we need,” my mother told me.
....“Oh boy, food!” I thought to myself, I hope it’s better than this stuff.
....“Now come on, hurry and finish your breakfast. No dilly-dallying either, we need to leave soon. Let’s make it quick Missy!” she said.
....After breakfast, Mum, my baby brothers and I, jumped into the broken down 1947 Chevy Fleet master and drove to the welfare office.
....I walked into one of the very tall buildings holding my brother Sean’s hand. My mother walked closely behind us holding my infant brother Joseph. We walked into the office directly to the left of the front door, which had only three chairs. My mother sat down first. I lovingly pushed Sean into the last chair and snuggled in the middle chair between Sean and my mother. After a few minutes, two women entered the room. The first woman walked behind the desk and sat in a big leather chair. She picked up the file on her desk and opened it without ever looking at me. The second woman walked over to Joseph and took him from my mothers’ arms. She then gazed down at me and said, “Why don’t you and Sean come with me for a little while.”
....I looked at my mother curiously for some sign of approval.
“Go on, Heather, take Sean, and go with the nice lady. It will only be for a little while. Watch out for your brothers and do not take your eyes off Sean. I will see you in a little while,” my mother said.
....I looked back up at the woman and then back to Sean. I took Sean by the hand, stood up, and followed the woman out of the room. We walked across the hall to a large room with more toys and dolls than I had ever seen before.
....I do not remember the details, but that was the last time I ever saw my natural mother. I did not realize it then but my life was about to change forever. During the next 11 months, I was shuffled from foster home to foster home until I met Dino and Natalie. They would be the couple who would teach me, coddle me, and mold me into that which I was to become.
Chapter 2 Mummy Why
ADOPTIVE PARENTS
.....Most of the details, which follow, were unbeknownst to me and told to me by various friends and family members, which I have compiled and recalled to the best of my knowledge.
.....Preceding my birth, Dino and Natalie married shortly after the close of World War II and like most couples during those days; they had next to nothing. They accepted a small drafty attic apartment in the home of Natalie’s older sister Nina.
.....Dino, the oldest of a large first generation Italian family consisted of four sisters and five brothers. He inherited a natural instinct for family devotion, responsibility, and loyalty. Therefore, at age 14 when his father died of a massive heart attack, he left high school before graduating and found a job.
.....Dino worked on the streets of Boston’s North End doing almost anything he could to support his ailing, frail mother, not to mention his eight siblings.
.....Natalie, on the other hand, a beautiful redhead with green hazel eyes and bore a striking resemblance to the classic actor Maureen O’Hara without the Irish brogue. Because of striking beauty and an atypical Italian facade, all the boys desired her. A woman who never thought twice about what she could have because she always got just what she wanted. Natalie, the youngest of 12, raised differently from Dino, had two sisters and nine tormenting brothers who usually annoyed her.
.....She did not appreciate the joys of childhood. Instead, she filled her Saturdays with scrubbing the hardwood floors in her home and cleaning up after her brothers. On Sundays, she occupied her time with church and cooking lessons. She never enjoyed the pleasures of dating or spending time with friends.
.....Eventually Natalie came of age realizing she did not need the constant supervision of her mother and brothers. This is when she met Dino and he would be her ticket out. She observed Dino’s charisma, mannerisms, and style, realizing how he acquired the reputation for being a womanizer. She heard many rumors of his conquests and realized she needed to try something unique to peak his interest in her direction. Little did she know Dino fell in love with her on first sight like a coconut from a Florida palm tree.
.....At their first meeting in the home of Dino’s cousin, he showed his audacity and confidence by declaring she would be the women he would marry. Natalie, who lived with nine brothers, only heard a macho line.
.....Natalie confident in the ways of persuasion to lure most men planned to attract the right kind of man. The man in question needed to love her more than she loved him.
.....On September 3, 1945, they were married. Six months later, Natalie became pregnant with a first child. In those economically tight days, Natalie recalled how overjoyed starting a family meant to them until Natalie suddenly past out on the floor with severe abdominal cramping. Dino rushed her to the hospital unfortunately too late and the baby stillborn.
.....Natalie and Dino learned to accept tragedy because within the next five years it would be their misfortune to lose six more babies. Natalie never carried her own children because her babies suffered from a condition known as ‘Hemolytic Disease of the Newborn’. After her last child had been stillborn due to severe hemorrhaging, she underwent an almost fatal total hysterectomy. She realized she would never be a mother and revealed to me the desire to adopt.
.....On a cold morning in February of 1951, after her hysterectomy, Natalie eagerly awaited her discharge from the hospital. Heidi, the head nurse on her maternity floor, came to her room to wish her well. Heidi and Natalie became good friends and developed a strong bond because Natalie spent many hours on this floor in the past several years.
.....“Good morning, Natalie. How are you getting along this morning? Ready to go home?” Heidi asked.
.....Natalie replied, “As well as can be expected, I guess. I will be very happy to get out of here and back into my own bed.
.....“Natalie, I am so sorry things worked out so badly for you and Dino.”
.....“Thank you very much, Heidi, I just do not understand why God has done this to me! What have I ever done to deserve this? My mother gave birth to 12 children without as much as a blink of an eye. What can possibly be wrong with me?”
.....Heidi gave her a big hug and said, “Well Natalie, maybe there is something I can do to help. There is a sixteen-year-old girl in the next room who just gave birth to a baby boy...”
.....“Forget it!” Natalie harshly interrupted.
.....“But Natalie this is an ideal situation for you and Kelly, the young girl I am talking about, to come to an arrangement. It will help both of you at this emotionally difficult time. She cannot care for her baby and you should go home with a child in your arms.”
.....“I said forget it! Dino will never agree! He is a proud man and would never accept a child that is not his by birth.”
.....“I know you, Natalie! You can persuade him of anything.”
.....“No. I would not even try.”
.....“Okay, whatever, but just let me introduce you to Kelly. Maybe the two of you could sit and talk.”
.....“No Heidi! There would be no point it. Please just get away from me. It’s a ridiculous notion and a waste of my time.”
.....Heidi turned away leaving the room with an unrelenting sigh. She did not forget the matter and contemplated another way to get Natalie and Kelly together.
.....After Natalie finished her breakfast and waited for Dino, she ran out of patience and decided to take a walk. She wandered the halls of the hospital growing increasingly tired; after all, she lost a lot of blood from this last delivery. In her fatigue, she became lost and in a struggle to find a familiar face or even a familiar hallway, she heard someone call her name from somewhere behind her. Turning around she saw Heidi walking fast towards her.
.....“Natalie. Natalie.” Heidi called to her. “Where have you been? You should know better, not to walk around in your condition. You need to rest quietly. I have been looking all over for you.”
.....In a slightly frightened voice, Natalie replied, “It seems I got lost, thank God you found me.”
.....“Well, I am glad I did. Let’s get you back to your room.”
.....As Heidi helped Natalie back to her room, she made a detour by the nursery window. As Natalie approached the window, she became increasingly agitated.
“Why in God’s name did you bring me this way?” she asked.
.....“Well, it is the fastest way back to your room and I thought we could see the little baby boy in the last bassinet.”
.....“Yeah, So what, for Pete’s sake, let’s get out of here.” As Natalie turned away from the window, she caught a glimpse of Kelly’s baby. She could not resist the temptation to turn away and as she did, she slowly placed her hand on the warm shiny glass. She shuffled across the floor until she stood directly in front of the baby. Natalie looked at the bassinet with tears rolling down her face and dripping off her chin remarking, “Oh God! He is so beautiful. Why God, why?”
.....“That’s right Natalie!” Heidi replied, “Why can’t he be yours?”
.....“No! No!” she said. “She could never give up a baby so beautiful.”
.....Heidi took Natalie with a strong hold by the shoulders and said, “Well that is the best part Natalie. Kelly’s father has not allowed her to see or hold the child. It would be tragic to put this child in the hands of the state not knowing what end he may come to. This is your chance. You must decide to do this or all will be lost for you and the child. Come with me now, Natalie, and we will visit Kelly and talk awhile. We can persuade her to speak to her father and her boyfriend.”
.....Heidi took Natalie by the hand and walked her to Kelly’s room. When they approached the open door with a wooden plaque numbered 203, Natalie let go of Heidi’s hand and stepped backward away from the open door, too afraid to pass through and ultimately into the room itself.
.....Heidi took Natalie by the hand and held on tight. “Kelly, I want you to meet someone. This is Natalie.”
.....Kelly did not turn or show any sign of acknowledgement. Natalie saw a beautiful petite girl rocking back and forth in an aged brown wooden rocking chair staring blankly out the window.
.....“Kelly!” Heidi repeated.
.....Remaining motionless, Kelly continued to stare out the window without a response. Natalie a comfortable distance from Kelly noticed every detail. Unlike her beautiful room, she noticed four beds each with steel bedposts, white sheets cover the mattresses and pink blankets turned half way down the length of the bed.
.....Kelly appeared barely 16. She wore a yellow hospital Johnnie and pushed her bare feet on the shiny cold linoleum floor as she rocked back and forth. Natalie could not see her eyes. Her long beautiful blonde hair flowed over the back of the chair and wisp through the air as her head rocked back and forth in unison with the rocker. Natalie saw an angel waiting to save someone’s life and for just an instant, in less time than it takes to blink an eye, she said why not me?
.....Heidi spoke again, “Kelly, I want you to meet my friend, Natalie.”
.....Natalie pitied Kelly and because she remained still and unresponsive, Heidi grabbed Natalie by the hand and walked her farther in to the room slowly approaching the rocking chair. When they reached Kelly, Heidi placed her right hand firmly on the arm of the rocking chair to stop it from rocking.
.....Heidi began first. Turning and looking at Natalie with a smile and a wink, “Kelly, this is my friend Natalie, she lost her baby boy, and the doctors told her she can never have any more children.”
.....Heidi took her hand off the arm of the chair, placed it directly on top of Kelly’s hand, and in a slow sympathetic tone whispered, “Kelly, if it’s okay with you, Natalie and her husband want to take care of your baby like it is their own child. We know you can give him a mother’s love, but you will not be able to give him the financial advantages he needs.”
.....Looking back at Natalie and then again at Kelly, she continued, “Natalie and her husband can give your boy so much more. If you truly love your baby, you want to make sure he has the best of everything life has to offer. Your father wants to hand him over to the state and we all know that would be a life far worse than even you could give him. They have a beautiful new home and he will reap all the advantages money can buy. The only problem is we need you to speak to your father before he makes final arrangements. What do think?”
.....Kelly turned her head away from the window, looked directly at Natalie and said, “You’re so pretty. What’s your hubby’s name?”
.....Natalie looking surprised and somewhat taken off guard simply replied, “Dino.”
.....Kelly then responded, “Natalie and Dino, What are you, Italian, or something?”
.....Natalie replied in a persuasive tone, “Yes. We may not be able to raise him as Irish, but I can promise you, we will love him and give him a better life.”
Kelly then looked right into Natalie’s eyes and said, “Okay, but on one condition, I don’t wanna give up my baby, so please make sure he knows it wasn’t my idea, okay? It might be cool if he ever asks ‘bout me, yah should tell ‘em. That okay with yah?”
.....Natalie realized Kelly’s illiteracy and just put her head down, stared at her feet, and humbly whispered, “Okay.”
She now had what she envisioned impossible, a son to call her own. “Oh God,” she thought. “What to do about Dino?”
.....She realized her biggest hurdle now would be how to convince Dino. When she returned to her room, she devised a deliberate plan of action. She changed the simple black and white dress she wore to a pretty blue and white floral linen dress, always a favorite of Dino’s. She tried forming words in her mind, which eventually became full sentences, hoping to make sense to Dino.
.....When Dino arrived at her room, two hours late no less, it could not have been better than if she planned it herself.
.....In a firm and slightly raised voice she proclaimed, “Dino! My God, how could you be so late? How could you possibly have done this to me?”
.....“Oh honey, I am sorry, but I had a problem at the store. Please forgive me, honey.”
.....“Forgive you,” she angrily said, “For leaving me in the awkward position of watching the nurses wheeling bassinets of newborns back and forth. How can you be so insensitive? I do not think I will ever be able to forgive you for being so cruel.”
.....“Oh, Natalie, baby, I am so sorry, I did not mean it, honest, please forgive me. Please. You know, you look beautiful in that dress and I bought you some flowers, your favorites, lilies. What more can I do to make it up to you?” he sweetly asked her.
.....He put his arms around her, hugged her, and kissed her cheek still wet from tears. He saw her as if for the first time and just fell in love with her all over again. He would have given her anything she asked.
.....Natalie instantly seized the moment knowing there would never be another chance like this one.
.....She softly and affectionately said, “Dino since you mentioned it, there is something you can do.”
“What is it, baby?” “Anything, anything you want, I will be happy to do it for you, I love you so very much.”
.....“Well there is a 16 year old girl down the hall from here who just gave birth to a baby boy.”
.....“Yeah. Poor girl. So what do you want me to do? Find her a job at the store?”
.....“Well, actually her father...”
.....Dino cut her off, “Oh, you want me to find some work for her father?” .....Natalie replied with a slightly raised voice, “No! Will you stop for one minute and let me get a word in edge wise. Now, please listen to me; it is important. Her father is forcing her to give up her child for adoption.”
.....“Oh NO, NO Natalie!” he said firmly. “I can’t do that, I just can’t. Just forget it.”
.....Natalie responded back in a sweet, but firm voice. “But Dino you said anything! This baby is going to child services and you know as well as I do the child will have no chance in hell at a good start in life. This is a great opportunity for us to change his life in a positive way. If we walk out of here today with him in our arms, no one will ever have to know my baby died. Everyone will just assume I gave birth to him. We will not have to say another word. We will never even have to tell the child. He will always know we are his true parents and we will be, because we will be the ones who care for him for the rest of his life.”
.....Dino just stood there shaking his head back and forth.
.....“Please Dino! Please! This is all I have ever wanted and I will never ask you for anything else again. Please!” Natalie begged.
.....Dino stood they’re still shaking his head from side to side. He did not say anything right away. He looked at Natalie and saw how beautiful she looked and watched the tears as they rolled down her cheeks. I cannot do this, but she is so beautiful and suffered so much more than any woman could possibly endure. How can I say no? She does have a point though; we could walk out of here with the baby pretending he belong to us. When you really think about it, it is only just a swap. We swap the dead child for the living child.
.....Dino looked at Natalie’s red swollen eyes, and said, “Well Natalie maybe we should see the baby and meet the girl first before we make any decisions. You know you never can tell about these kinds of things. I mean what kind of people are these? Is she on drugs, booze, or maybe something worse? What kind of family or genes are we really getting along with this child? I mean, come on Natalie, do we really know what we are getting into?”
.....“Oh Dino, stop that! He is a beautiful cuddly little boy and besides, he is young enough where we can mold him into whatever we want him to be,” replied Natalie.
.....“Oh really, and how do you know?” Dino commented with a suspicious look in his eyes.
.....“Well, you know my nurse, Heidi?” she asked.
.....“Yeah,” Dino replied still suspicious, “Go on.”
.....“She has already shown me the baby. She took me to meet Kelly. That’s the mother’s name, Kelly.”
.....“Uh Ah,” as Dino shook his head. “So I see, it appears I have been hoodwinked; you’ve played me for the fool, shame on me. You had this all planned and ready to go as soon as I walked in here and it is my unfortunate mistake to be an hour late.”
.....“No it is not like that at all, and you were two hours late, not one. Heidi knew she did the right thing and I can’t blame her for wanting to help. Just come with me, see the baby, and meet Kelly. You will see for yourself. It will be fine.”
.....Heidi stood just outside the door eavesdropping and lying in wait to seize the opportunity. She walked into the room and not surprisingly, she held Kelly’s baby in her arms.
.....“Hello Natalie, Dino,” Heidi said as she placed the child directly into Dino’s arms.
.....Dino willingly held the child. To his amazement, all doubts, he could possibly have had to argue away this child, simply melted away.
.....“Oh he’s so beautiful. And small!” replied Dino.
.....Heidi replied, “And he’s all yours if you want him, but we must hurry.”
.....Most of the details, which follow, were unbeknownst to me and told to me by various friends and family members, which I have compiled and recalled to the best of my knowledge.
.....Preceding my birth, Dino and Natalie married shortly after the close of World War II and like most couples during those days; they had next to nothing. They accepted a small drafty attic apartment in the home of Natalie’s older sister Nina.
.....Dino, the oldest of a large first generation Italian family consisted of four sisters and five brothers. He inherited a natural instinct for family devotion, responsibility, and loyalty. Therefore, at age 14 when his father died of a massive heart attack, he left high school before graduating and found a job.
.....Dino worked on the streets of Boston’s North End doing almost anything he could to support his ailing, frail mother, not to mention his eight siblings.
.....Natalie, on the other hand, a beautiful redhead with green hazel eyes and bore a striking resemblance to the classic actor Maureen O’Hara without the Irish brogue. Because of striking beauty and an atypical Italian facade, all the boys desired her. A woman who never thought twice about what she could have because she always got just what she wanted. Natalie, the youngest of 12, raised differently from Dino, had two sisters and nine tormenting brothers who usually annoyed her.
.....She did not appreciate the joys of childhood. Instead, she filled her Saturdays with scrubbing the hardwood floors in her home and cleaning up after her brothers. On Sundays, she occupied her time with church and cooking lessons. She never enjoyed the pleasures of dating or spending time with friends.
.....Eventually Natalie came of age realizing she did not need the constant supervision of her mother and brothers. This is when she met Dino and he would be her ticket out. She observed Dino’s charisma, mannerisms, and style, realizing how he acquired the reputation for being a womanizer. She heard many rumors of his conquests and realized she needed to try something unique to peak his interest in her direction. Little did she know Dino fell in love with her on first sight like a coconut from a Florida palm tree.
.....At their first meeting in the home of Dino’s cousin, he showed his audacity and confidence by declaring she would be the women he would marry. Natalie, who lived with nine brothers, only heard a macho line.
.....Natalie confident in the ways of persuasion to lure most men planned to attract the right kind of man. The man in question needed to love her more than she loved him.
.....On September 3, 1945, they were married. Six months later, Natalie became pregnant with a first child. In those economically tight days, Natalie recalled how overjoyed starting a family meant to them until Natalie suddenly past out on the floor with severe abdominal cramping. Dino rushed her to the hospital unfortunately too late and the baby stillborn.
.....Natalie and Dino learned to accept tragedy because within the next five years it would be their misfortune to lose six more babies. Natalie never carried her own children because her babies suffered from a condition known as ‘Hemolytic Disease of the Newborn’. After her last child had been stillborn due to severe hemorrhaging, she underwent an almost fatal total hysterectomy. She realized she would never be a mother and revealed to me the desire to adopt.
.....On a cold morning in February of 1951, after her hysterectomy, Natalie eagerly awaited her discharge from the hospital. Heidi, the head nurse on her maternity floor, came to her room to wish her well. Heidi and Natalie became good friends and developed a strong bond because Natalie spent many hours on this floor in the past several years.
.....“Good morning, Natalie. How are you getting along this morning? Ready to go home?” Heidi asked.
.....Natalie replied, “As well as can be expected, I guess. I will be very happy to get out of here and back into my own bed.
.....“Natalie, I am so sorry things worked out so badly for you and Dino.”
.....“Thank you very much, Heidi, I just do not understand why God has done this to me! What have I ever done to deserve this? My mother gave birth to 12 children without as much as a blink of an eye. What can possibly be wrong with me?”
.....Heidi gave her a big hug and said, “Well Natalie, maybe there is something I can do to help. There is a sixteen-year-old girl in the next room who just gave birth to a baby boy...”
.....“Forget it!” Natalie harshly interrupted.
.....“But Natalie this is an ideal situation for you and Kelly, the young girl I am talking about, to come to an arrangement. It will help both of you at this emotionally difficult time. She cannot care for her baby and you should go home with a child in your arms.”
.....“I said forget it! Dino will never agree! He is a proud man and would never accept a child that is not his by birth.”
.....“I know you, Natalie! You can persuade him of anything.”
.....“No. I would not even try.”
.....“Okay, whatever, but just let me introduce you to Kelly. Maybe the two of you could sit and talk.”
.....“No Heidi! There would be no point it. Please just get away from me. It’s a ridiculous notion and a waste of my time.”
.....Heidi turned away leaving the room with an unrelenting sigh. She did not forget the matter and contemplated another way to get Natalie and Kelly together.
.....After Natalie finished her breakfast and waited for Dino, she ran out of patience and decided to take a walk. She wandered the halls of the hospital growing increasingly tired; after all, she lost a lot of blood from this last delivery. In her fatigue, she became lost and in a struggle to find a familiar face or even a familiar hallway, she heard someone call her name from somewhere behind her. Turning around she saw Heidi walking fast towards her.
.....“Natalie. Natalie.” Heidi called to her. “Where have you been? You should know better, not to walk around in your condition. You need to rest quietly. I have been looking all over for you.”
.....In a slightly frightened voice, Natalie replied, “It seems I got lost, thank God you found me.”
.....“Well, I am glad I did. Let’s get you back to your room.”
.....As Heidi helped Natalie back to her room, she made a detour by the nursery window. As Natalie approached the window, she became increasingly agitated.
“Why in God’s name did you bring me this way?” she asked.
.....“Well, it is the fastest way back to your room and I thought we could see the little baby boy in the last bassinet.”
.....“Yeah, So what, for Pete’s sake, let’s get out of here.” As Natalie turned away from the window, she caught a glimpse of Kelly’s baby. She could not resist the temptation to turn away and as she did, she slowly placed her hand on the warm shiny glass. She shuffled across the floor until she stood directly in front of the baby. Natalie looked at the bassinet with tears rolling down her face and dripping off her chin remarking, “Oh God! He is so beautiful. Why God, why?”
.....“That’s right Natalie!” Heidi replied, “Why can’t he be yours?”
.....“No! No!” she said. “She could never give up a baby so beautiful.”
.....Heidi took Natalie with a strong hold by the shoulders and said, “Well that is the best part Natalie. Kelly’s father has not allowed her to see or hold the child. It would be tragic to put this child in the hands of the state not knowing what end he may come to. This is your chance. You must decide to do this or all will be lost for you and the child. Come with me now, Natalie, and we will visit Kelly and talk awhile. We can persuade her to speak to her father and her boyfriend.”
.....Heidi took Natalie by the hand and walked her to Kelly’s room. When they approached the open door with a wooden plaque numbered 203, Natalie let go of Heidi’s hand and stepped backward away from the open door, too afraid to pass through and ultimately into the room itself.
.....Heidi took Natalie by the hand and held on tight. “Kelly, I want you to meet someone. This is Natalie.”
.....Kelly did not turn or show any sign of acknowledgement. Natalie saw a beautiful petite girl rocking back and forth in an aged brown wooden rocking chair staring blankly out the window.
.....“Kelly!” Heidi repeated.
.....Remaining motionless, Kelly continued to stare out the window without a response. Natalie a comfortable distance from Kelly noticed every detail. Unlike her beautiful room, she noticed four beds each with steel bedposts, white sheets cover the mattresses and pink blankets turned half way down the length of the bed.
.....Kelly appeared barely 16. She wore a yellow hospital Johnnie and pushed her bare feet on the shiny cold linoleum floor as she rocked back and forth. Natalie could not see her eyes. Her long beautiful blonde hair flowed over the back of the chair and wisp through the air as her head rocked back and forth in unison with the rocker. Natalie saw an angel waiting to save someone’s life and for just an instant, in less time than it takes to blink an eye, she said why not me?
.....Heidi spoke again, “Kelly, I want you to meet my friend, Natalie.”
.....Natalie pitied Kelly and because she remained still and unresponsive, Heidi grabbed Natalie by the hand and walked her farther in to the room slowly approaching the rocking chair. When they reached Kelly, Heidi placed her right hand firmly on the arm of the rocking chair to stop it from rocking.
.....Heidi began first. Turning and looking at Natalie with a smile and a wink, “Kelly, this is my friend Natalie, she lost her baby boy, and the doctors told her she can never have any more children.”
.....Heidi took her hand off the arm of the chair, placed it directly on top of Kelly’s hand, and in a slow sympathetic tone whispered, “Kelly, if it’s okay with you, Natalie and her husband want to take care of your baby like it is their own child. We know you can give him a mother’s love, but you will not be able to give him the financial advantages he needs.”
.....Looking back at Natalie and then again at Kelly, she continued, “Natalie and her husband can give your boy so much more. If you truly love your baby, you want to make sure he has the best of everything life has to offer. Your father wants to hand him over to the state and we all know that would be a life far worse than even you could give him. They have a beautiful new home and he will reap all the advantages money can buy. The only problem is we need you to speak to your father before he makes final arrangements. What do think?”
.....Kelly turned her head away from the window, looked directly at Natalie and said, “You’re so pretty. What’s your hubby’s name?”
.....Natalie looking surprised and somewhat taken off guard simply replied, “Dino.”
.....Kelly then responded, “Natalie and Dino, What are you, Italian, or something?”
.....Natalie replied in a persuasive tone, “Yes. We may not be able to raise him as Irish, but I can promise you, we will love him and give him a better life.”
Kelly then looked right into Natalie’s eyes and said, “Okay, but on one condition, I don’t wanna give up my baby, so please make sure he knows it wasn’t my idea, okay? It might be cool if he ever asks ‘bout me, yah should tell ‘em. That okay with yah?”
.....Natalie realized Kelly’s illiteracy and just put her head down, stared at her feet, and humbly whispered, “Okay.”
She now had what she envisioned impossible, a son to call her own. “Oh God,” she thought. “What to do about Dino?”
.....She realized her biggest hurdle now would be how to convince Dino. When she returned to her room, she devised a deliberate plan of action. She changed the simple black and white dress she wore to a pretty blue and white floral linen dress, always a favorite of Dino’s. She tried forming words in her mind, which eventually became full sentences, hoping to make sense to Dino.
.....When Dino arrived at her room, two hours late no less, it could not have been better than if she planned it herself.
.....In a firm and slightly raised voice she proclaimed, “Dino! My God, how could you be so late? How could you possibly have done this to me?”
.....“Oh honey, I am sorry, but I had a problem at the store. Please forgive me, honey.”
.....“Forgive you,” she angrily said, “For leaving me in the awkward position of watching the nurses wheeling bassinets of newborns back and forth. How can you be so insensitive? I do not think I will ever be able to forgive you for being so cruel.”
.....“Oh, Natalie, baby, I am so sorry, I did not mean it, honest, please forgive me. Please. You know, you look beautiful in that dress and I bought you some flowers, your favorites, lilies. What more can I do to make it up to you?” he sweetly asked her.
.....He put his arms around her, hugged her, and kissed her cheek still wet from tears. He saw her as if for the first time and just fell in love with her all over again. He would have given her anything she asked.
.....Natalie instantly seized the moment knowing there would never be another chance like this one.
.....She softly and affectionately said, “Dino since you mentioned it, there is something you can do.”
“What is it, baby?” “Anything, anything you want, I will be happy to do it for you, I love you so very much.”
.....“Well there is a 16 year old girl down the hall from here who just gave birth to a baby boy.”
.....“Yeah. Poor girl. So what do you want me to do? Find her a job at the store?”
.....“Well, actually her father...”
.....Dino cut her off, “Oh, you want me to find some work for her father?” .....Natalie replied with a slightly raised voice, “No! Will you stop for one minute and let me get a word in edge wise. Now, please listen to me; it is important. Her father is forcing her to give up her child for adoption.”
.....“Oh NO, NO Natalie!” he said firmly. “I can’t do that, I just can’t. Just forget it.”
.....Natalie responded back in a sweet, but firm voice. “But Dino you said anything! This baby is going to child services and you know as well as I do the child will have no chance in hell at a good start in life. This is a great opportunity for us to change his life in a positive way. If we walk out of here today with him in our arms, no one will ever have to know my baby died. Everyone will just assume I gave birth to him. We will not have to say another word. We will never even have to tell the child. He will always know we are his true parents and we will be, because we will be the ones who care for him for the rest of his life.”
.....Dino just stood there shaking his head back and forth.
.....“Please Dino! Please! This is all I have ever wanted and I will never ask you for anything else again. Please!” Natalie begged.
.....Dino stood they’re still shaking his head from side to side. He did not say anything right away. He looked at Natalie and saw how beautiful she looked and watched the tears as they rolled down her cheeks. I cannot do this, but she is so beautiful and suffered so much more than any woman could possibly endure. How can I say no? She does have a point though; we could walk out of here with the baby pretending he belong to us. When you really think about it, it is only just a swap. We swap the dead child for the living child.
.....Dino looked at Natalie’s red swollen eyes, and said, “Well Natalie maybe we should see the baby and meet the girl first before we make any decisions. You know you never can tell about these kinds of things. I mean what kind of people are these? Is she on drugs, booze, or maybe something worse? What kind of family or genes are we really getting along with this child? I mean, come on Natalie, do we really know what we are getting into?”
.....“Oh Dino, stop that! He is a beautiful cuddly little boy and besides, he is young enough where we can mold him into whatever we want him to be,” replied Natalie.
.....“Oh really, and how do you know?” Dino commented with a suspicious look in his eyes.
.....“Well, you know my nurse, Heidi?” she asked.
.....“Yeah,” Dino replied still suspicious, “Go on.”
.....“She has already shown me the baby. She took me to meet Kelly. That’s the mother’s name, Kelly.”
.....“Uh Ah,” as Dino shook his head. “So I see, it appears I have been hoodwinked; you’ve played me for the fool, shame on me. You had this all planned and ready to go as soon as I walked in here and it is my unfortunate mistake to be an hour late.”
.....“No it is not like that at all, and you were two hours late, not one. Heidi knew she did the right thing and I can’t blame her for wanting to help. Just come with me, see the baby, and meet Kelly. You will see for yourself. It will be fine.”
.....Heidi stood just outside the door eavesdropping and lying in wait to seize the opportunity. She walked into the room and not surprisingly, she held Kelly’s baby in her arms.
.....“Hello Natalie, Dino,” Heidi said as she placed the child directly into Dino’s arms.
.....Dino willingly held the child. To his amazement, all doubts, he could possibly have had to argue away this child, simply melted away.
.....“Oh he’s so beautiful. And small!” replied Dino.
.....Heidi replied, “And he’s all yours if you want him, but we must hurry.”
May 5, 2013
Mummy Why
Plain and Simple? No! Follow a unique story of searching and uncovering a biological family. A different twist on adoption with a shocking revelation. A journey which leads me to Bill who truly loves; will I learn to love myself. A life which touches you forever, a life you will never be able to forget. A Once In A Lifetime story. You've never read anything like it and never will again.
