Zoe Aarsen's Blog, page 4
August 27, 2013
5 Things I Did Not Know When I Moved to New York
I’ve been here a while now, so it’s okay to admit these things. I am pretty sure I am not alone in these rather humbling experiences. Correction: I really hope I am not alone in these experiences, because if I am, I am a far greater nerd than I thought.
1. I did not know about wasabi. In my defense, I also had never had sushi before moving to New York, so I was a victim of the oldest trick in the book (which is the one where your sushi expert friend tells you to eat a big gob of wasabi straight up, because they insist it is delicious, and then fire comes out of your eyes and nostrils and you pray to Jesus for sweet relief and can’t wait to try that trick on some other unsuspecting doofus).
2. I didn’t know that you’re supposed to pronounce Houston Street like Howston Street. Naturally, now when I hear tourists repeat my mistake, I become enraged.
3. Drugs are everywhere. Growing up in the Midwest, I honestly thought drugs were like, super duper hush-hush items of secrecy and that police wearing riot gear with giant German Shepherd dogs were lurking around every corner in the big city just waiting to bust people with drugs. I did not know that approximately 97% of New Yorkers keep marijuana stashed away somewhere in their kitchen. I could not have imagined the possibility of a drug dealer riding his bicycle to your apartment at any hour of the day or not. The 14-year-old Vanessa Huxtable tattletale that still lives inside me wants to say “awwwwww” in a you’re-gonna-get-it voice every time I smell ganja on the sidewalk.
4. Midtown is not cool. I was under the impression that, thanks to pretty much every single movie I saw as a kid set in New York, all the action was in Midtown. As it turns out, Splash!, Tootsie, Working Girl, and Kramer vs. Kramer were all liars. As it also turns out, my parents probably should not have let me seen a lot of movies I was allowed to see at an impressionable young age. True fact: Kramer vs. Kramer was almost directed by Francois Truffaut. Imagine.
5. There are no secret underground nightclubs featuring magic shows, like the one in Desperately Seeking Susan. Trust me, I’ve searched. This, to me, is a serious failure on behalf of every nightclub owner in this city. I’m sick of fake burlesque shows and “speak-easies” (people, there was this thing called the 21st Amendment, which repealed the 18th Amendment, and it’s been legal to drink alcohol in this country for 80 years, so enjoy that $17 “secret” martini). If you want to really buy an alcoholic beverage and consume it illegally, buy a Tecate and drink it in the alley behind my apartment building with all the other dudes who hang out at the taco stand downstairs. And let me know if you know how to do any magic tricks or if Rosanna Arquette stops by.
August 6, 2013
5 Cool Dudes
A list, in nonsensical order, of some seriously cool dudes that I was thinking about today while waiting for the F train. Pointless? Yeah, but so what? This is my blog and I can make lists of whatever I want!
1) Barack Obama. The dude is like ice. Just cool.
2) Kurt Russell. Seriously, this guy is crazy chill. If I were on a sinking ocean liner, stranded on an island, dealing with some serious BS in Chinatown involving magic, managing a mini-golf in Oregon… pretty much in any situation, Kurt Russell has things covered. Also, I really like this picture of him with like, a time warp effect coming out from behind his head.
3. Shane Black. This dude wrote almost every good action movie you’ve ever seen, and directed Iron Man. Bow down.
4) Jeff Bridges. No explanation needed.
3. Shane Black. This dude wrote almost every good action movie you’ve ever seen, and directed Iron Man. Bow down.
5) Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. This dude was named NBA MVP 6 times. He was in Airplane! He kicked it with Bruce Lee! He is all-around awesome.
July 27, 2013
Light as a Feather… let’s play a game
My paranormal YA book is being featured on Wattpad right now, and as part of the feature we’re playing a little online game of Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board. As much as I loved the role of storyteller within the game when I was a kid, it’s a challenge coming up with more than twenty weird ways for someone to die every day. I try to stay away from predictions that are a little too possible. Back in the days when my friends and I would play the game at slumber parties, half of the fun of the game was that the storyteller would always try to crack everyone up with the absurdity of the death prediction. Killer clowns, angry bears, law mower accidents… these were the ways in which as middle-graders we all predicted we’d go. I found this really cool site that details 350 actual, horrible ways to die. I am a Tycho Brahe fan and had no idea that his bladder had burst! I feel for him, as I feel for the poor gent who laughed himself to death watching The Goodies.
If you loved the game, check out the ongoing fun happening at Wattpad. If you dare, you can ask Hannah Simmons to play the game with you, and enter to win a pair of new pajamas from Victoria’s Secret, a pizza, some Netflix, and a scary book – all the makings of a great slumber party.
July 18, 2013
5 Things that are Simply Not OK About This Heat
Back in the day (when I was in college) it was not uncommon during the months of July and August for my friends and I, trapped like roaches in stifling New York City apartments without air conditioning, to call each other and have conversations like this:
“I’m totally naked standing in front of the fridge, and my head is in the freezer.” – friend
“Me, too.” – me
We would resort to barbaric techniques like standing under a cold stream of water in the shower in our pajamas, then lie down atop our cheap futon mattresses with fans blowing on us until our clothes were dry. Repeat. We would avoid certain subway stations with extra-stultifying platforms. And my friends, I tell you, back in those days, it was NOT EVEN THIS HOT.
Here are 5 things that truly extra-suck about the 90+ degree temperatures in New York City this week.
1) When you realize that it’s cooler on the subway platform than it is on the street. That is like some kind of backwards-world/opposite-day scenario and it seriously messes with your mind.
2) When you get an iced coffee at Starbucks and before you even walk one block, all of the ice has melted and you’re basically drinking brown water.
3) Everyone takes the subway. Everyone. All those sporty people who sometimes walk or ride bikes abandon their athleticism and hog up more space on your train when you least want warm bodies in close proximity to you.
4) There are no available cabs, anywhere. No one will stop for you. I pity any woman going into labor on the streets of New York this week, because there ain’t no way anyone’s giving up their cool, air-conditioned ride to help a stranger.
5) Brown-outs. There was a minor one in my neighborhood in the wee hours of the morning today. Nothing is more heartbreaking than hearing your air-conditioner struggling to do its job on reduced power. Unless, of course, that’s happening at the same time as your fan won’t run, your cable modem has no juice, and your laptop battery is drained.
July 2, 2013
Stuff that really ought to stop
These are things in life that I would like to cease.
1) The commercial for The Conjuring coming on TV when I’m home alone. Not cool, for real.
2) Neighbors shooting off fireworks in advance of July 4. During daylight hours. On weekdays.
3) This humidity.
4) Justin Bieber with the pet monkeys. Come on, man.
5) Men in my apartment building leaving excessive lint in the laundry room dryer lint traps. Lint causes fires, gentlemen. We all know that drying clothes creates lint and it’s not like women protect the secret of how to clean the trap like it’s the lost ark or something. Don’t play dumb. I’m tired of touching your lint!
June 23, 2013
Movies I Seriously Cannot Wait to See
This is looking like it’s going to be a pretty great summer for movies. On my must-see list:
1.) The Bling Ring. I adore Emma Watson and I think Sofia Coppola is a genius, so I have high expectations for this one even though the subject matter in the hands of another director would probably be trite and annoying.
2) Man of Steel. Henry Cavill. Wowza.
3) White House Down. This movie looks like a giant turd-burger and the trailer is like, 70 minutes long, but I will pay to see Channing Tatum in just about anything.
4) Insidious Chapter 2. After seeing this movie, I will probably be too scared to ever sleep again.
5) The Heat. Melissa McCarthy is the funniest woman who ever lived and this movie is just going to be awesome.
6) R.I.P.D. Hello, Ryan Reynolds. I love you.
7) The Wolverine. I want this movie to be my life. Or, rather, I want to live inside this movie and be BFF with the Wolverine.
8) We’re the Millers.
9) Paranoia, starring Liam Hemsworth, Harrison Ford, and Garry Oldman. There is no possible way this movie could be bad. I don’t even know what it’s about and I want to see it.
10) The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. I have very high expectations for this movie in that I expect it to be way better than Twilight and Blade combined. And I think it will be.
June 3, 2013
Top 5 Chocolate Bars
This has been on my mind for a while, so I needed to post it and move on with my life.
5) Chunky Kit Kat. Once you’ve had one of these bulkier treats from England, your regular American Kit Kat bar from the office vending machine will simply no longer suffice.
4) Whatchamacallit. An oldie but a goodie. This candy bar really takes me back to the Halloweens of my childhood.
3) Lindt Milk Chocolate Pistachio Bar. This is the kind of chocolate bar that you need on hand when your pet is sick or when you’re in the middle of an emotionally charged break-up. This is the description from the Lindt website: Experience the luxury of whole pistachio nuts, covered in a smooth white almond creme and enrobed in Lindt’s finest Swiss milk chocolate. Is this really merely a chocolate bar? Because that description reads like a vacation I’d like to take.
2) Cadbury Dairy Milk Bar. Simplicity, sometimes, is perfection. This is the man, I’ve had a crappy day at work but I’m not going to mess up my chocolate with any caramel or nougat-y stuff kind of bar. For the purist. Keeping dentists in business.
1) Ritter Sport Cornflakes bar. When other candy bars see that yellow wrapper, they pack up and go home. Game over. The king is in the house.
Whew. Now on to more pressing matters, like catching up on The Mindy Project on hulu.
May 9, 2013
Free today on Amazon!
Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board is FREE today and tomorrow, Fri 5/10 on Amazon for Kindle readers!
http://amzn.to/192xyzj
Enjoy, and please review and let me know your thoughts if you read it. I'm hard at work on the second book in the Weeping Willow series and would love your honest feedback.
- Zoe
March 26, 2013
I understand Icelandic
Often, when I’m listening to Sigur Ros, I like to imagine that I kind of understand what they’re singing about.
Last night at Madison Square Garden, I was reminded that I really don’t understand a word of Icelandic.
Not a word.
March 7, 2013
Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board - FREE today!
to clear up confusion - the preview on Goodreads is just the first few chapters. If you're already hooked - the whole book is FREE today on Amazon!
http://www.amazon.com/Light-Feather-W...
