Rachel Smith's Blog: Guinea Pigs and Books, page 17

“What was the source of the malignant power by which she drew them into an endless night of unearthly horror?”

17. Skinners – John Gordon

It was a little hard to tell when this was taking place, which was disorienting. They had cars and computers, clearly early computers, but it also seemed antiquated, like the streets were lit by gaslight or something. Their diction had a heavy hand in how oddly situated this was as well. When you can’t get oriented in a story and you notice odds and ends that make it confusing, it’s hard to get into the plot. And I liked the idea of the plot – weird cult people who use skin and reanimate corpses or something along those lines. They revealed themselves to a horror writer and also our narrator, a newspaper reporter, and want the horror writer for themselves and I do not entirely recall if why they want the horror writer was spelled out or if they’re just not happy with his horrified reaction to what they were doing. Anyway, the horror writer has gone into hiding with his editor, who just happens to be the newspaper reporter’s dad. And because one of the cult’s number is his sexy former English teacher, some creepy seduction will make it pretty clear where the horror writer is…

 

Thorfy is looking for cults who eat skin in this pastel rainbow fleece blanket. He might not find any.

 

Thorfy with Folk Horror Thorfy, instead of eating skin, he’s eating his little blood red ice cream.
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If they moved the stone circle and built the factory, it would be sooo haunted.

140. Sun God, Moon Witch – Welwyn Wilton Katz

Thorny (Hawthorn, girl edition) has come from Canada to Wychwood Mount because her dad is a selfish manipulator and sent her there. Also, he is on his honeymoon with his new wife. Anyway, in Wychwood Mount there is a situation with the town stone circle, Awen-Un, where this rich manipulative dude in the local giant house wants to get rid of the stone circle so they can build a factory on the site. This leads to protests and academics and a folklorist who can dowse getting involved and also ancient spirit energies getting mad and inviting Thorny to murder the rich dude so her stone circle stays right where it is. For some reason, the rich dude also seems to be hitting on Thorny every time he talks to her, when she is like 14ish, maybe? Yuck.

Anyway, Thorny and her cousin Patrick are trying to save the circle, locate the earth force energies that are powering it and work out exactly what that means after talking to the dowser dude, and negotiate with the Moon goddess who keeps visiting Thorny and trying to influence her at night while the rich dude hits on her from atop his horsey during the day, essentially doing the same thing, like if she likes him she’ll suddenly hate ancient monuments. Patrick thinks Thorny is definitely gullible and is a little upset she has talents with dowsing and is being courted by ancient spirits while he just lives there. Wait till he finds out what girls are really thinking about manipulative men on horseys.

 

Hen Wen is in the sun and way willing to tell the Sun God what she thinks of him.

 

Hen Wen’s calling her own shots like the deity that she is.
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“Two hours of European history, I’m going to the pool!”

23. The Empty Frame – Ann Pilling

It was in the afterword of this book that I found out Ann Pilling and Ann Cheetham are the same person, which explains why a young weirdo (Magnus) and a brother and sister (Sam and Floss) are on vacation somewhere that has an old mystery that Magnus, being a loner and super intelligent, will be most likely to figure out. All the Dark Powers mysteries (which will be covered in this summer of YA and yet more paintings from me) are also like this, so I’m not sure why it was necessary to change the characters’ names. Anyway, it wasn’t bad or anything, I just noticed the format was essentially the same with different names and hair complaints and fewer parents.

At Bisham Abbey for the summer holidays, Magnus notices that the portrait of Alice Neale is very cold, like she’s making the room cold and she’s got an iced over anger in her face. There’s also a portrait of a little boy who everyone calls William but no one can find information on next to her. And somebody’s crying in the night while wandering around the abbey. Magnus and Floss are interested in exploring the mystery and Magnus keeps seeing Alice Neale’s ghost. Sam, a thoroughly modern boy, doesn’t think ghosts are real and so he’s not that keen on mystery solving, but he’ll help with the practicalities of getting into an old tunnel under the river to find super old copy books and stuff like that.

 

For Ozma to escape her frame, first they’d have to make a frame that could contain her. Her cuteness knows no perimeter.

 

She also cannot be contained by the parameters of perspective, not when she’s witching out on her version of Coffin Rock anyway. She’s waiting to be documented, if Peregrine, Salem, and Thorfy can get their 1990s shit together.
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Cursed wood and a scold’s bridle

9. The Haunting – Alex Bell

From the Red Eye series, a Waterwitch haunting, as in the Waterwitch ship which became the Waterwitch Inn and is now super haunted. The ghosts include a pretty angry witch and the guy who commissioned the ship in the first place and the sailors who were lost on it before the boards were taken and built into an inn. I mean, really, recycling has its limits.

Emma has returned to Cornwall to see her grandma before she passes after an accident at the very same Waterwitch Inn put her in a wheelchair. She has a very, very awesome service dog Bailey to accompany her and a tricked out car and the main thing her grandma tells her is not to stay at the Waterwitch, even though it would be free since her grandma owns it. So she stays across the street. Where she can see a light moving through the top floor of the Waterwitch, which is not worrisome at all.

However, she runs into a friend, Jem, who was with her in the Waterwitch basement at the time of her accident who she basically hasn’t spoken to since and… he’s staying at the Waterwitch as the caretaker (unofficially) with his sister because of their abusive father and because the keys and a note suspiciously showed up at a time when they really needed somewhere to go. And his sister, Shell, is convinced not only that she’s a witch who comes from a long line of witches, she’s also very aware of the Waterwitch ghosts, super effected by them, and having some serious trouble.

It works pretty nicely, incorporates the history of accused witches and some teen magic and Emma’s accident and the changes it caused her life well. And the witch ghost is super angry and a very formidable foe, but still a better housemate (inn-mate? No.) than Jem and Shell’s dad.

 

Salem would rather go up against a dinosaur than an angry sea witch.

“But wait a minute, young lady. How did you get into this picture? You see, we’re trying to prove a point about nature and beauty and… you’re not exactly helping, you know. Look at your hair. Look at that blouse. And the way that skirt hangs. And those soc

21. Water Shall Refuse Them – Lucie McKnight Hardy

A nice little month away in a small cottage in a small village in Wales to reconnect as a family, that’s what Nif’s parents (at least her dad, who isn’t regularly catatonic on Valium) think they need to get a new start after the death of Nif’s little sister Petra. But they seemingly only get into more weird and hazy trouble during the heat wave.

Nif is who we follow and she takes care of her brother Lorry (Petra’s twin) more so than either of her parents, at least until she meets Mally, the dude who lives next door and is an outsider in the small village as well as being a townie. His family has history there of being accused as witches who brought the plague to town back in the day. Also his mom is an alcoholic, so, the churchgoers of the community like to pretend no one else is an alcoholic and that they run the village. They also shake leaves in the direction of Mally and his mom’s house.

Nif also is following a creed she essentially made up to determine her morality and actions because her mom has decided no more church for them since Petra died and Nif likes ritual and balance. She’s murdered birds or hastened their deaths to get her relics, which is disturbing, and then turns out Mally is even more of a bird murderer than she is. That was very unpleasant to read about. Just finding skulls in the woods should be enough, that’s like an offering from nature to your oddity shelf, kids.

Anyway, Mally’s mom and Nif’s parents get entangled weirdly and Nif’s mom at least starts to come out of her fugue somewhat because of Mally’s mom’s potions and ideas about Petra’s ghost being there. And they’re all rejected by the churchies anyway, so they may as well hang out during the heat wave. It gets worse and sad and Nif figures out several things that are really offputting.

 

Mortemer lost one of his daughters when she was 11 months old and lived in a very warm, very humid place without resorting to bird murder for his creed, so it’s very possible.

You know how the villain loses his menace when you see him too often or he won’t stop talking?

113. Devilday – Angus Hall

This 1969 “unique novel of Black Magic and Gothic suspense” has a pretty iconic paperback cover – a taxidermied goat’s head with a black candle between its horns, a frog below sitting on its beard, and a cord draped over it, plus some leaves and moss for garnish. It sort of makes you think there might be more to this “high-tension thriller” than a libertine American actor coming to the UK to restart his career, drinking and injecting and sexing his way through society and becoming really popular and then busted and the engaged journalist assigned to be his personal assistant who is both trying to be rid of him and just sort of accepting all of his terrible behavior with a wry smile and staring at his tremendous amount of body hair. Apparently the body hair is a “foetal coat”…which sounds terrible when describing a grown man. He also has some “sex ointment” that he puts all over himself all the time which totally smells weird, even the journalist guy’s fiancée, who is a totally liberated lady says it smells weird in a bad way.

Anyhow, there is a pretty extensive scene of occult worship which involves not-metaphorical ass kissing of said ointment smeared American actor and it seems like it will end in sacrifice…but then it doesn’t…but then the woman who was to be the sacrifice is found decapitated and it seems like there should be some tension ratcheting, but I just didn’t feel it. Perhaps it was all the British reserve on display. I kept wondering when the scary was going to kick in or the suspense because it didn’t have any change of pace and it wasn’t a relentless pace to begin with. Personal assistant stress was the main level of tension reached. That’s not really hyphenate worthy “high-tension.” I mean, they didn’t even try to sacrifice the journalist guy or his fiancée even when they were kind of obviously a threat to future occult activities. I don’t get it.

 

Like all guinea pigs, Belvedere was born with all his hair and his eyes open; he did not use these advantages for occult worship or an acting career despite his butt being covered with obviously natural little white pants.

“Let’s get moving before some other monster decides to get bratty.”

31. Nurse in London – Jane Converse

Holly, Los Angeles nurse, is the only person and the only nurse at the hospital who can tolerate Lee Watson, the English mega rock star who injured himself riding a motorcycle on amphetamines and had to have one leg amputated while the other was hopelessly crushed. There’s A LOT in here about the rock star ego, treating the whole patient so he can regain his gigantic confidence and can learn to manage the rest of his life, as well as him randomly telling Holly they’re getting married. Holly has not agreed to marry Lee or even date him. However, even after he whisks her away to London to still be his nurse and he doesn’t listen to her and won’t get off the hypo (morphine) and just hides that he’s still getting narcotic injections from Maxine, who solely serves that purpose and dresses like she identifies as Native American despite being English with much unfortunate descriptive phrasing, Holly seems to entertain the idea that Lee really loves her a little bit. He keeps saying he loves her, but, he won’t show her. He just tells her over and over again. He also does not love Maxine, he’s just addicted to drugs, which causes a hotel hallway catfight between Holly and Maxine that was unseemly.

Getting the drugs away from Lee by fighting with Maxine is deemed stupid by Lee’s real doctor, Dr. Glenn Raymond, who Holly does say she’s in love with after meeting him once and being insulted. This meeting is followed by her further being insulted by Dr. Raymond several times and then it turns out he’s just so stubborn and rude because he believes the tabloid rumours about Lee and Holly. He’s been regularly talking to one of his patients who always keeps up with the gossip about them like a schoolchild at lunch. When she reaches out to him, he’s a jerk. Then he tells her he’s loved her since he first saw her and, seriously? I know Holly doesn’t like the rock star lifestyle, but, dating someone with such volatile moods doesn’t seem that different. I mean, both dudes have significantly volatile moods, one just seems a lot quieter than the other. And Lee still hasn’t been told she’s not marrying him before the big free show where Holly and Glenn have to pretend they’re not dating already while Lee sends her a humongous bouquet. They’re medical professionals. They’re there in a professional watching and bouquet receiving capacity.

 

Wisting and Snuffy demonstrate the kind of communication skills prevalent in Nurse in London.

 

The cult in here is outsourcing its research needs.

41. The Lucifer Chord – F.G. Cottam

Martin Mear, awesome imaginary 1970s musician, has an occult background and then goes missing unexpectedly at age 27, leaving behind some super mysterious records that sound like darker versions of that Twink “Think Pink” record (maybe with fewer breathy interludes… or more breathy interludes…), droning sounds, ceremonial sounding lyrics, you know, all the cool shit that makes a one man musical spell writing legend even if he wasn’t mysteriously missing and presumed raptured by the devil. So, of course, “Carter Fucking Melville,” as he is called frequently, is putting out a box set of his old friend’s work. The definitive word on Martin Mear, which will include a well-researched essay and this is where we come in.

I love stories like this, even though they use a lot of the same words for how mythic and awesome their musician subjects usually are. And really, writing the kind of essay where the research makes you a point of interest to a satanic cult is always interesting to me. This cult has a ghost with a stalking Morris Minor vehicle too. There was also an archive of cool shit Mear owned, guitars, religious artifacts, capes… I only wish there had been a library scene. London has tons of little strange libraries and the music library in the Barbican is quite nice and extensive and suited to researching spooky records and the men responsible for them who usually turn out to be linked to the Druids.

 

Horace and Danger Crumples are very willing and able to solve ominous musical disappearances.

 

 

“Death by DIY”

60. Dark Sister – Graham Joyce

Maggie and Alex find a dead blackbird and a diary in their house’s original fireplace. So, as you do, Maggie gets into reading the diary and starts to get in over her head with the herbal lore and witchcraft presented within. She also realizes that maybe the life she’s been presented with as a housewife is not exactly the right place for her… And quite a fight ensues since Alex kind of sucked to begin with and has, um, ideas, about who Maggie’s supposed to be. He’s also doing an archaeological dig that has some interestingly intertwined with his house renovation results. I really liked this one. It’s like a novel length version of the BBC’s A Ghost Story for Christmas that is my favorite and one of the least ghosty, The Stigma, but with Maggie having more knowledge about what’s going on as opposed to the poor mom in The Stigma who is just forced into reenacting an execution ritual.

 

Peregrine will be making sure Finny knows who exactly is in charge of renovations and career moves.

A sad sack in England.

10. Bitter Orange – Claire Fuller

This is the kind of book that is listed as a psychological thriller, but it isn’t thrilling at all. Unless you’re Frances, naive 39 year old who wears her mother’s underwear and tells you about it a lot (I got the impression it was because she didn’t have her own girdle or something to tame her being overweight, yet wanted to), used to take care of the same mother who is now deceased, and somehow got a cool job related to architectural details at an estate that is now owned by an American who isn’t going to show up while she’s making her attempts to be voyeuristic at Peter, the other person hired by the American, and his girlfriend Cara, who is like a manic pixie dream girl with depression and delusions…but, there isn’t anything to see. Peter and Cara have a really dysfunctional relationship, in part because Peter is still married and Cara is his delusional mistress and Frances is the weird lady in the attic who thinks she’s in love with Peter because he was nice to her a couple of times, which is just depressing. Even more depressing, Frances appears to be telling this story to someone who actually was interested in being her friend instead of her being his audience, the vicar.

Apparently, Frances is now on her deathbed in a hospital because through some weird and boring accidents after a lot of weird and boring conversations and some insubordination with the antiques, Peter and Cara do not make it, and Frances is okay with the reader and the vicar thinking she killed them because that makes her sound like she didn’t waste away in a boring life of doing nothing and feeling bitter about it – oh wait, no, she’s okay with being accused of murder because she made one pass at Peter because she super misinterpreted a nice looking man being nice to her. And, maybe, she’s killed before! To get some very important underwear, apparently. Bloody hell.

Frances is the kind of character I wish hadn’t been invented because even if I like a psycho-hag, and it seems like she wants to be seen as one, I feel sorry for her. She’s so passive and incapable when it comes to pretending she murdered Cara and Peter that she’s not a psycho-hag at all. She’s just has a case of the envies in isolation. And Fuller makes sure you know she’s such a clear horrible stereotype of an overweight envious woman who is stuck with a gorgeous, mysterious couple that it’s just shitty. Why can’t she have agency? Or at least make fun of Cara and Peter? They’re ridiculous people.

 

Snuffy, surrounded by her beautiful things on her estate, doesn’t understand envy or jealousy and always has agency.