Tre Miller Rodriguez's Blog, page 16

Happy New Year from the Happy Pig! (at...

Happy New Year from the Happy Pig! (at Amsterdam)

https://www.instagram.com/p/B6yA7VtHNrAHzJdQUilRr98kVD8qpsigBZS0Ik0/?igshid=uuqxckuocswi

Bringing in the New Year with a silent disco, illegal fireworks,...

Bringing in the New Year with a silent disco, illegal fireworks, and my favorite human. (at The Hoxton, Amsterdam)

https://www.instagram.com/p/B6xx1P8n8j1vSJWXuYzTCk58AY_mkDn3IehKn40/?igshid=1dz03yijo9ecx

Rogue fireworks at New Year’s dinner. (at Canals of...

Rogue fireworks at New Year’s dinner. (at Canals of Amsterdam)

https://www.instagram.com/p/B6v5TyXnB1YUuw8UcUDZV22MJbuXRL8Eb5q1pQ0/?igshid=1qlwql8e2ufvq

Fiercely festive. (at Dyker Heights,...

Fiercely festive. (at Dyker Heights, Brooklyn)

https://www.instagram.com/p/B6Z_HAUHY9phFimX0C3AuedBeKkx5_KXZv7igg0/?igshid=4iusdqb449rj

This is Twenty-Five

Even 25 years later, the Phil-shaped space in our family looms large. The loss of my 18-year-old brother still hangs in the air of my parents’ home, in the ellipses of our conversations, and on the fringe of my thoughts every June (his birthday) and November (his deathiversary).

While my brain no longer grapples on the daily with his loss, I still find myself gutted every November Tenth. How are there no new photos of Phil to frame? No new Phil music to put in rotation? No new shenanigans to share about him?

Despite the lack of new Phil activity, my grief still seems to evolve and change. As in, whenever a new life chapter unfolds—graduation, move, marriage, career change, parenthood—or when I experience another death, I newly encounter my old grief. I can’t help wishing Phil could’ve attended X or Y or Z celebration or supported me through the challenges, frustrations, and disappointments that have come with the past two-and-a-half decades.

If you’re on healthy, self-aware terms with yourself, you’ll likely encounter your grief every time you encounter a new life chapter—whether it’s for the better or the worse. And while I’d give anything to watch my brother evolve and change instead of my stupid grief…maybe it’s the next best thing? Maybe by acknowledging our grief, we’re paying homage to our late loved ones and keeping ourselves effing sane.

NYC’s Halloween forecast brought to you by Terrible Tornado and...

NYC’s Halloween forecast brought to you by Terrible Tornado and One-Punch Man.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4XZ1O4n306yo6FAr51xwN15jmWWvEnsQ683Ao0/?igshid=mjrg993gr7uu

Celebrating completion of our first half-marathon with bagels +...

Celebrating completion of our first half-marathon with bagels + bourbon! #wemissedyouwhiskey #samewithyoucarbs (at Prospect Park)

https://www.instagram.com/p/B32KcxaHQRLYp-hVHuOHpCHXxa4s4JC5R7N6u80/?igshid=7r491t20mhco

Me and my Jolly Roger, moments after we encountered a Captain...

Me and my Jolly Roger, moments after we encountered a Captain Morgan brass band that invited us to party hearty with them at pirate-themed events in the Village. After five years of being the only pirates in NYC on September 19, we may have finally made fetch happen. (at West Village)

https://www.instagram.com/p/B2uMc2GnRa–vek81jIdahIAI0xsIjWk-VysvY0/?igshid=8xiatl0ipaps

Xiéxié China for the ancient-modern-stunning-smoggy memories. ...

Xiéxié China for the ancient-modern-stunning-smoggy memories. (at Mutianyu Great Wall Of China)

https://www.instagram.com/p/B2mG2g6Hu3r06B4Z17z5clHWAWuCFqHLnjy1E00/?igshid=1cya0gbkqb7si

When you stop at a Nike pop-up for FIBA and your husband gets...

When you stop at a Nike pop-up for FIBA and your husband gets recruited to play in the basketball challenge. (at Beijing, China)

https://www.instagram.com/p/B2jo9QHHhuZWdUHPdjVpH8yeOfb0jjtmw6btf00/?igshid=16gbpr1cathex