Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 97

“Everyone is at war, except for me. One uncle is fighting with...

“Everyone is at war, except for me.  One uncle is fighting with the other.  My aunt’s not talking to Grandma.  Grandma isn’t talking to anyone.  She said that nobody’s coming to her house this year.  Christmas is cancelled.  I guess it’s always been like this.  But now everyone’s old enough that they don’t have to pretend for the kids anymore.  All of it’s out in the open.  I miss the ignorance of childhood.  When we’d all go to church, cook a big dinner, gather in a circle to read the Polar Express, and I wouldn’t notice that the adults were talking to the children more than each other.” 

“I was working as a prep cook at a BBQ joint in Harlem. I got...

“I was working as a prep cook at a BBQ joint in Harlem.  I got off work early one day, and I discovered my wife with another man.  That was the beginning of all this.  I’d been with her for twenty-one years.  I was devastated.  I got right back on the bus and headed back to the city.  I went straight to the bars on 42nd Street. I got wasted every day.  I lost my wallet, my phone, my contacts.  I didn’t want to do nothing.  I just said ‘F it.’  I’ve been out on the streets for eight months.  When it’s time to rest, I find a place to sleep.  But I spend most of my time here on this block.  These are the best people on this block.  I’ve never experienced so many good people in my life.  Some of them help me out every single day.  They say: ‘What are you doing out here?  We’ve never met anyone like you.’  Lily and her daughter brought the whole family to meet me on Thanksgiving.  I felt like a celebrity.  Then there’s Cheryl with the glasses who just walked by a couple minutes ago.  Love her.  John and his wife, love them too.  David and Michael are the best.  And what’s up to my man Sean from the beauty parlor.  Shout out to T and Marianne.  So many good friends on this block.  But they aren’t going to see me much longer because I found a program that’s going to give me a place to stay, and a job cleaning the streets.  I’m done with this life.  I don’t belong here.  And I know my grandkids miss Grandpa.  So if you don’t see me here soon, you can say: ‘He’s done it!  He’s gone!’  But I’m going to shock everybody.  Cause I’m coming back with Christmas cards.”

“Back in college they called me Mailbox Head. Because my head...

“Back in college they called me Mailbox Head.  Because my head was pretty big.  Mailbox Head was a little bit reckless.  I didn’t really have a plan in life back then.  I drank too much.  I threw illegal parties on campus.  I climbed abandoned bridges.  One time I broke my tailbone because I thought it’d be fun to make a toboggan out of a beer banner.  The wild behavior carried over into the first few years of my marriage.  But when I was 27, my daughter was born.  Three months later I went hiking with my buddies, and I started to climb a cliff without ropes.  And I got about eighty feet up, and I couldn’t get any higher.  But I also couldn’t get down.  I was so desperate that I was about to jump.  I kept thinking about my daughter.  Somehow my friend talked me down, and I ended up surviving.  But that was the end of Mailbox Head.”

“When my kid was twelve years old, I told him: ‘There are three...

“When my kid was twelve years old, I told him: ‘There are three things that are bullshit in this world: Santa Claus, professional wrestling, and politics.’  Yet people get so emotional about politics.  They’re always spouting sound bites from their favorite cable channel.  It’s so boring.  There’s no creativity.  Nothing but sound bites.  Then on Election Day, my newsfeed is filled with people posting smug pictures about how they voted.  Like it really matters.  In the end, the people with money are still going to be calling the shots.  Nothing matters.  But I guess it makes people feel like their life isn’t meaningless if they’re spouting off on Facebook.  I hardly ever post anything.  My profile picture is Uncle Sam and my cover image is an eagle shitting on him.”

“There was a permanent dark cloud in the house. It was abuse in...

“There was a permanent dark cloud in the house.  It was abuse in every way.  Mental.  Physical.  Sexual.  It was permanent fear.  Whenever my father was home, I just locked myself in my room and tried to be as quiet as possible.  My mother and I finally escaped when I was six, but the abuse stayed with me.  I didn’t make any friends at school.  I couldn’t trust anyone.  It was an open wound.  But when I was fourteen, my mom told me that we could do something about it.  She asked me if I’d be willing to testify.  And I agreed.  The trial happened two years later at my father’s military base.  I hadn’t seen him in ten years.  The lawyers told me I didn’t have to be in the courtroom when I testified, but I felt like I needed to face him.  Just to show that I wasn’t afraid anymore.  He was already seated when I walked in the room.  I put my hand on the Bible and looked right at him.  For a moment, I felt a stroke of fear wash over me.  Like I was a kid again.  But I set it aside and gave my testimony.  It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  He was sentenced to ten years in prison.  I’ve moved on with my life.  I don’t think about him.  I’ve grown to look like him, but I’m not him.  Even if someone tells me I’m him, I’m not him.  I’m me.  I’ve lived my entire life to not be him.”

“It’s our anniversary today. We always talk about how lucky we...

“It’s our anniversary today.  We always talk about how lucky we are to have found our person.  I wasn’t even supposed to go to the bar that night.  My friends and I were going to a golf tournament the next morning, so we wanted to get some sleep.  But at the last minute we decided to grab a quick drink.  My buddies were doing their thing, so I decided to take a lap around the bar.  And I noticed one girl that was just glowing.  I’m pretty sure that she was sitting right under one of the bar lights.  I just had to go for it.  I walked right up to her.  I said something like: ‘I want to take this opportunity to introduce myself to you.”  After that I was grasping at straws.  I kept trying to find a common denominator.  But the best I could come up with was that she was in the same sorority as my friend’s cousin.  Somehow we ended up talking for the next fifteen minutes. The bar was so loud that we had to lean in to talk to each other.  At one point we actually touched cheeks.  And my buddies are gonna tear me apart for this, but I just remember thinking that she had the softest face.  I gave her my number at the end of the conversation.  I wasn’t really expecting to hear from her.  But the next day she told her mom the story, and her mom said: ‘Give him a call.  You don’t have to marry him.’”

“My dad does two jobs. Sometimes he does fire fighter. And...

“My dad does two jobs.  Sometimes he does fire fighter.  And sometimes he does police officer and fights crimes for the city by using smarts and helping people.  He says that the bad guys don’t always mean to steal, but they feel like they have to because their families are poor.  But if they sell drugs and make people sick then my dad will have to really arrest them for real.  I had an idea that one day I’m going to send notes to the bad guys and tell them not to do crimes anymore.  Then my dad can hand out the notes every time he fights a crime.  I’m going to say: ‘Dear bad guys, if you stop doing crimes, then you’ll have a better life and a better family.  And people will start to notice that you’re being a good guy and you’ll have a lot more friends.  And then everyone will help you and come visit you and you’ll start to feel really proud of yourself for being nice and having a nice family.’”

“We moved from Brazil three years ago. We love Thanksgiving....

“We moved from Brazil three years ago.  We love Thanksgiving.  We cook everything.  But we’re still learning many things about the American culture.  Back home everyone likes to hug and kiss on the cheek.  It communicates that you care about someone.  But here it is different.  My friend tried to give me a Thanksgiving handshake at the gym today.  But I went in for a Thanksgiving hug.  And he only gave me a Thanksgiving half-hug.  A few months ago I was called into Human Resources, and they said: ‘Mr. Mauricio, no more hugging at the office.  It is making people uncomfortable.’  So I learned my lesson that day.  I came home and told the children: ‘Be careful not to touch your classmates.’”

“We’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend for just over two months....

“We’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend for just over two months.  We met at camp.  We didn’t talk to each other much at camp.  But then we decided to talk more after camp.  I go to boarding school, so this is the first time we’ve seen each other for five weeks.  But we talk a lot on the phone.  And we’ll help each other if we’re having a rough day.  This week I had an AP US History Exam.  I studied all the wrong stuff.  I thought there’d be a lot more questions on the War of 1812.  But instead there were a ton of questions about The American Revolution.  So I was pretty depressed. But she texted me and said: ‘You tried your best.  It’s all you can do.’  Then we talked about it all night until I went to bed.  And it just felt really nice to have somebody to make you feel better.”

“My wife urged me to take this little trip to New York so that...

“My wife urged me to take this little trip to New York so that I can clear my head.  It’s just for two days.  But my leash has been so short lately that it feels like an eternity.  Part of me definitely died when our daughter was born.  I was always a free spirited person.  I traveled a lot.  I never had a boss.  I had all the choices in the world.  But a lot of that disappeared in order to make things possible for my daughter.  I watch her during the day. And I’m not mad about it.  This is the happiest time of my life.  It would be great if my daughter was here right now.  It’d be so fun to watch her run around the park.  But I’d also be worried about her safety.  And the diaper bag.  And the car seat.  And the stroller.  And our next meal.  And our next place to stay.  There’s always a flickering flame of worry that doesn’t go away.  Back home we live by the beach.  And if my wife ever senses that I’m getting overwhelmed, she tells me to go jump in the ocean.  And that resets me for a few days.  It’s all I need.  I just need a little space to be me.  Because it can be so easy to get lost in helping a new person become someone.”