Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 316

"It’s hard for me to materialize things into form....

"It’s hard for me to materialize things into form. I’m full of regrets, I’ve got poor self-esteem. Every time I start doing something, I get down on myself and quit. I wasn’t a leader when I was young, and I fell into all the wrong things. Eventually I got into doing drugs, then selling drugs, and I ended up going to prison."
"How’d it all end?"
"I was one robbed one night, and learned who did it, so I decided to get back at the guy. I wasn’t really thinking at the time. I was high out of my head, we were listening to Metallica, smoking PCP, and all my friends were yelling at me to do something. So we found the guy and I slashed him with a box cutter and hit him with the shaft of a steering wheel. I went home and told my mother that if the cops come, to tell them I was home all night. Then I took off down Ditmars Boulevard, and after I drove a few miles, cop cars started coming at me from everywhere."

"I’ve got one of those bucket lists. I want to drive a...

"I’ve got one of those bucket lists. I want to drive a race car. I wanted to join the Air Force, but that was just so I could jump out of an airplane, with a parachute— but not from too high though. Just medium high. I also want to go up in a balloon, because that looks fun. And also I want to do that thing where you’re holding onto that kite-looking-thing while it goes through the air. Then I want to catch one of those big fish with the thing coming out of its nose, where they have to strap you to a chair so you can reel it in. My friend says I’m too old for that, but I think I can do it."

"What’s your greatest struggle right now?""I’m...

"What’s your greatest struggle right now?"
"I’m trying to work with a broken elbow. I do wrestling on the weekends, and during my last match I got thrown out of the ring by The Latin Lover— who’s actually my best friend. But he’s 6’2" and 290 lbs. I’m just a buck twenty five. He lifted me over his head and threw me clear over the ropes and I didn’t land very well. But even with a broken elbow, I got back into the ring and executed my finish move— I held onto his head and did a back flip off the ropes. But at the last moment he caught me and put me into a tombstone piledriver. But I got him back when the match was over, because I pretended to shake his hand, and my partner jumped him from behind. I do that kind of tricky stuff. Because I’m a bad guy."
"What’s your wrestling name?"
"The Superstar of All Superstars."

“I’ve stopped trying to fix my father. He’s in poor health, and...

“I’ve stopped trying to fix my father. He’s in poor health, and I’ve been trying to get him to exercise more and eat right. Every time I would visit him, I’d suggest improvements to his diet and routine. He’d never listen, I’d get frustrated, he’d get angry, and it would always end in tension. So I’ve decided to let it go, and spend our remaining time together on his terms.”

"I have a hard time figuring out relationships. The girls...

"I have a hard time figuring out relationships. The girls I’ve dated haven’t exactly told me when they were upset. They just started acting strangely, but telling me they were fine. So I thought: ‘Well, everything must be fine. I’ll just keep doing my thing.’ Turns out everything wasn’t fine."

“I think one of the neighbors had beef with my mother. Because...

“I think one of the neighbors had beef with my mother. Because one day when my mom went to the store, and left us alone for just a few minutes, child services came and took us away. My sister and I got split up. I got sent to a group home. It was like a prison— everybody there was looking out for themselves. I’d call my mother and cry on the phone but she’d just say she was sorry, and there was nothing she could do, and she was trying. After a few months, my sister and I got moved into a foster home. Our foster mother was this old lady named Ms. Elizabeth. She let our mother come visit us even though she wasn’t supposed to. And she took us to church and prayed with us, and every Sunday she’d cook us a huge dinner and completely deck out the table like it was Thanksgiving. It was like some movie shit. We’d never had anything like that before. Even when we moved back with our mother, we would alway visit Ms. Elizabeth up until the time she passed away.”

“I’ve written so many stories and novellas that nobody will look...

“I’ve written so many stories and novellas that nobody will look at, plays that I can’t get produced, screenplays that will never be made. Everything is so branded these days in the art world, it’s so hard for an outsider to get work.”

“In what way would you consider yourself an ‘outsider?’”

“I’m interested in failure, so those are the themes that I like to explore. But we live in a society that celebrates triumphalism. A society wants art that reaffirms itself. We want to read about characters that win.” 
“What was your lowest moment as an artist?”
“I worked on a screenplay for two years, and it had just been turned down by the fifth theater in a month, and I remember walking down 5th avenue in the middle of winter, tossing the pages one by one into the slush, vowing never to do it again. It was just a few blocks from here, actually.”

"We’ve been trying for a few years. We both want it very...

"We’ve been trying for a few years. We both want it very badly, but it’s probably been hardest on my wife. It’s her body and she’s been the one that’s had to go through all the treatments, so I think the failure hits her hardest. It seems especially unfair because she’s the sweetest and most liked person I know. Sometimes it’s hard to keep our frustration from becoming the focus of the relationship, but it’s also brought us closer together and given us a shared goal. We’ve got another treatment in a couple weeks. It’s a very advanced procedure and we’re very hopeful about this one."
"Will you be OK whatever the outcome?"
“‘OK’ might be too strong a word, but we’ll definitely survive.”

"He’s a counselor, so he’s always putting everyone...

"He’s a counselor, so he’s always putting everyone else’s problems before his own. Including mine."

"I’m five!""Does it feel any different than four?""It...

"I’m five!"
"Does it feel any different than four?"
"It feels less smaller."