Andrew J. Morgan's Blog: Aspiration Keeps Me Alive, page 5

Chapter 25

I didn’t realise I’d said it until I awoke. I don’t know how long I’d been asleep for, but Emily was propped up on one arm, reading, while I rested on her lap with her other arm draped over me. I sat upright so suddenly it startled her, but I barely noticed.

‘I’m sorry I said that,’ I said, almost breathless.

‘Said what?’ she said, holding her chest, a flustered grin on her face. She didn’t remember? She must do . . . Now I wasn’t even sure if I’d said it all. I remembered a response, but had I...

Chapter 24

I sat motionless for a long time after Jason departed. Semi-comatose in a state of self-pity and self-loathing, I aggregated my situation, took a breath and stood. The room teetered, a dizzy haze washing it vague, and then my mind was made up. It had already been made up for me buy Jason’s ultimatum, but at least now I felt I had some control over what I was doing. I had to do it. I needed to do it. For the others. For everyone. In my head, the lies sounded almost plausible.

He was strapped to...

Chapter 23

Usually, at the one month stage, we would begin countdown preparations for the landing and subsequent planetary operations. We would work to a drill, laid out almost step by step, but this time our mission had changed. It was also customary for the beginning of the final month to be marked with a celebration—another activity we would forego. Instead we assembled together—minus Byron, of course—after what felt like forever since our last gathering, and the animosity in the room seemed almost l...

Chapter 22

‘He’s under a lot of stress,’ Sophia said as we walked back to the rec room together. Her tone did not match the sympathy of her sentiment.

‘We all are,’ I said.

Sophia didn’t respond. As we reached the rec room, I sat down with Emily, who was still looking shaken. Sophia marched on—to the bunk or to Byron, I didn’t know.

‘Are you okay?’ I asked, rubbing her back to soothe her. It seemed to have no effect; she continued staring vaguely at the far wall. Clip and Grant—Grant was conscious now, and...

Chapter 21

‘What are you going to do when you get back to Earth?’

Emily’s eyes lingered on mine while she waited for me to answer. I knew the question held more meaning to me than it would have appeared to others, and it took me a little by surprise. Fortunately, the only other person with us was Byron. Sophia and Jason were sleeping (for the first time in a long time, it seemed) and Grant and Clip were manning the cockpit together, despite their differences. Although they didn’t see eye to eye, they wer...

Chapter 20

Among the many things playing on my mind (playing seems far too light a word—torturing is much more apt), potential death was not as high as I would have thought. Perhaps the immediacy and unexpectedness of the deaths of James, Brendan and Sadie came as something of a comfort, a release from the pent up agony of being stuck on board the Athena. Whatever it was, it played second fiddle—or third, fourth, or perhaps it was just at the back on the triangle—to the other things that ate away at me...

Chapter 19

I think, in delicate situations like this, the word is compromised. I was compromised. The mission was compromised. I hadn’t spoke to anyone about my father for decades; perhaps not even since it had happened. My mother, bless her, was a strong woman and had kept her tears to the times when I could not see her. I had heard her crying through the walls, but somehow, even at that age, I knew she was trying to protect me. We had been close—are close—and what happened on that unassuming November...

Chapter 18

The next week was very quiet. The ship, for the loss of one person, seemed disproportionately empty. Conversations sorely missed Sadie’s trill, her laugh and her wit, and the air missed her sweet joy that brightened up any space she cared to be in. Something more than just a person had gone out, been extinguished—something in all of us had. Byron took it especially hard, his reflexive introversion kicking in almost immediately. We finished the calcs in record time, still, but the achievement...

Chapter 17

Later on in my bunk I got back around to thinking over Sadie’s reaction. The rest of the briefing had continued as if we’d said nothing, and dinner and the proceeding evening was spent as normal, with plenty of laughter and jokery, mainly thanks to Clip’s wicked sense of humour. Sadie was sleeping now, as soundly as you like, but me—I couldn’t let go.

I tried not to talk much to Emily during the evening, and thankfully a shift change took care of the problem for me as the evening rolled on. I...

Chapter 16

My mind was so numb, all I could manage was a quiet, ‘What?’

Jason shrugged, as though what he’d said was nothing more than a passing comment. ‘Sorry,’ he said.

‘But . . .’ I managed, choking on my own disbelief, ‘but you’d be killing all of us . . . you’d be killing yourself . . .’

Jason stiffened, and Sophia folded her arms. She had gone an odd shade of grey and her cheeks were blotchy.

‘That’s a risk I’m willing to take,’ Jason said at a whisper.

I was shaking my head. I couldn’t believe it. I...