T.C. Slonaker's Blog, page 5

I'm Not REALLY a Cheapskate

It was a such a natural moment in Sunday school. Ten-year-olds are hardly transparent and innocent like they used to be. But the question came up out of nowhere, agreed upon by all the kids in class, and it deserved an answer.

"Why do adults always fight over who's going to pay?"

The girl who posed the question, and had the attention of the whole class, added to her query. "I mean, if it was me, I would just be like, 'Sure, you can pay. Thanks!'"

I could answer her question. 

"Pride, my dear, pride."

I know the kids couldn't understand, but they hung on my words. They didn't get it because money isn't a definer for them yet. They are accustomed to someone always paying for them. They are never expected to pay. All their lunches are free, to their knowledge.

Here's what they don't get: What goes through an adult's mind when the bill comes and she is with company.

Reaction #1: Panic
"Here it comes! I remembered my wallet, right? I have enough money, right? Right? Right? I don't want to look like a beggar."

Reaction #2: Brain-wracking
"What was the purpose of us going out? Is it my friend's birthday? Did I invite her? Is it a special occasion? Did my friend pay the last time we went out? Is there a reason I would be responsible to pay and look stupid if I didn't?"

Reaction #3: Planning
"What if my friend wants to split the check? How do I avoid looking stupid dividing this up? What is half of $17.50? I forget how to divide! What if I mistakenly make her pay more, and she catches it and gets mad?"

Reaction #4: Defeat
"The only way to avoid all of the above and not look like a cheapskate is to offer to pay the whole bill."

In the meantime, the same exact thoughts are going through your friend's mind. The entire thought process lasts from the moment the waitress lays down the bill until someone picks it up - not more than about 4 seconds.

Thus, an argument ensues. You have already made up your mind that you are paying the check. Even if it is your birthday, your mother, or your last dollar. 

However, I have found this argument tedious. Essentially, it is a disagreement about who is nicer. I don't want to fight about that. Why is that even a question?

So, some time ago, I've boycotted the argument. You win. You're nicer. And I will believe that every day of the week, too.

So here's how the conversation goes when I go out to eat. (Unless I have a firm reason, such as you have paid for my coffee for the last 4 outings, or we have a standing agreement that we will always split the check and we're okay looking dumb about it together.)

Me: "I've got this one."
You: "No, no, I do."
Me: "Okay. Thank you."

At this point, I imagine you are astonished that I don't continue insisting. And yes, through your mind, I'm sure, wafts the smallest indication that I am always looking for the cheap way out.

But, really, I just don't want to fight. It's a superficial waste of words. We've only a limited amount of time together, so let's put it to good use.

Wow, why aren't more people doing this? Why do the fights continue?

In order to give up the battle, you are conceding defeat. You must be willing to look cheap, when everyone knows you have enough. You must be willing to look like a taker in a place where it's preferable to be the giver. 

The one who pays is generous; he's the good guy. The one who takes is the weaker damsel in distress. The taker gives up the right to be the hero. It's almost a gift the receiver can give to the giver- glory.

My chance always comes back around. It may not be seen by those who keep paying my way, but I do get my opportunities. 

After all, I do have children... 

God's Purpose for Death

I hate death.

That's such an obvious thought that it's almost absurd, don't you think?

And I don't even feel like I have as much of a right to feel that way as so many others. I've known people who were there one day and gone the next, but never a close friend or family member. The closest I have come were my cats that had to be put to sleep. 

That was horrible.

Since I have had such a small taste of it, I can only have the tiniest idea of what loss is like.

Anytime I am given "the small picture," I am reminded of how God has the bigger picture. So, the question becomes, not "Why do we have death?" but rather, "What purpose does God have for death?"

Isn't that the same thing? 

No. The former question asks how death fits into our world, while the latter question seeks to know an answer from God's view.

How does God experience human death? Does He? 

I believe part of the reason God gave us death was as a way to get a glimpse into His experience with the human race. Here is how I get to that point, step by step:


1. Before man sinned, he walked and LIVED with God (Gen. 2). There was no death, anywhere, in the animal kingdom. I'm sure this was a wonderful time that both God and Adam enjoyed.

They could be together.



2. When he sinned, man could no longer walk with God and be in His physical presence. (Gen. 3:24) God is perfect, and can't commune with imperfection. Their relationship changed. 

Sin caused a separation.



3. Even though God knew man would sin, I think He was torn up by it in a way that felt like He was being ripped apart. (Luke 15:7, Psalm 31) When sin entered man's life, it became a part of who he was. He would ALWAYS be a sinner. 

Sin caused a PERMANENT separation.



4. Death was the curse placed upon man as a result of man's sin (Gen. 3:19). What is death? A PERMANENT end of life. That may sound obvious, but look at the connection between the offense and the punishment: 

The offense: A means of keeping God PERMANENTLY away.

The punishment: Being put PERMANENTLY away from the life man was in.



5. It is important to remember that there are two deaths: the first death, that every almost every human will experience, when he is removed from life on earth, and the second death that not everyone has to experience, when man could be removed from God's eternal presence. The first death is more of a change in status and is not a permanent state, but the second death changes everything. The second death IS permanent. (Is. 13:9, Rev. 20:6)

So in other words, God provided an answer and room for GRACE after the punishment.



6. God knew what the effect of sin was. (Ps. 37:38) I don't think man could ever grasp it. In order to understand it, man would have had to have known a life without God. And God had always been there. He suffered the first loss.

And He knew the PAIN of the SEPARATION.




7. So man was given life and death. When experiencing the death of other people, man would experience a seperation. Someone would be there one day, the next, and so on. Then one day, the person would not be there. Death meant never coming back. 

There was PAIN in knowing the PERMANENCE. Of course, the pain was proportional to the depth of the relationship, helping us understand both at the same time God's sorrow at our sin and His love for us.




7b. Can we beat it?  Can we choose not to create relationships, and thereby avoid the pain of separation in death? Yes, but in doing so we will never experience love either. What is worse? Experiencing love and having it taken away? Or never experiencing it at all? God chose to love us, and love us deeply. (Rom 5:8)



8. After Jesus died on the cross, He LIVED, proving that death (permanent separation from God) can be supernaturally overcome. (John 11:25) The permanence was undone by God's love. It was the ONLY thing that could. 


See how it comes full circle? Even though we have sinned and experience death, we will live and walk with God again, just as Adam did before sin entered the world. And through the experience, we are drawn a little closer to God by seeing what it's like to be separated from a loved one.


Is there hope in this message? Yes! Will we see it when we are mourning? Probably not, but here it is. God knows your pain when you lose a loved one. He loses them every day. 


Also, it is important to remember that I have given one reason for death that answers one question. God has ALL the answers. Therefore, there are more answers, more perfectly explained than I could ever speak, to give a complete justification for this difficult experience. I'm glad God has all the answers. Sometimes, I'd like to know more of them, but a part of me is glad that I don't have to have that responsibility. I just have to know there is a reason, and we are not lost.







Other PERMANENT experiences God has given us: Marriage and Parenthood. I'd like to address these in later blogs. Stay tuned!

If you are looking for fiction writing that shows the love of God, please check out my books from the Angelmen series here. 

Why Do We Lie Down When We Sleep?

I have no more blissful feeling than the moment I slide between the sheets on my bed and settle my head on my pillow. My winter sheets are plush, so they are never cold in the winter. Honestly, sometimes the only way I can motivate myself to stop what I am doing at night and go to bed, is by thinking about my awesome bed. It's the first thing for which I give thanks in my evening prayers.

The very second I am under the covers, I can feel my muscles relax. It's usually accompanied by a soft exhale of contentment. After that moment of recognition, I spend the next few minutes getting my position just right - completely sprawled out, but allowing my husband enough room to stay on the bed too.

It rarely takes me more than a few minutes to completely surrender to sleep, and I almost always sleep well.

I realize that not too many of you can relate to that. Putting aside any biological difficulties you might have and I do not, the reason could be because I have learned to embrace that concept of "surrender."

I am blessed to have few worries that consume me. Yes, blessed. In realizing that, I feel free to let go of the more trivial thoughts at night. When I relax my body at night, I am also relaxing my mind.

"Now I lay me down to sleep... body, spirit, and mind."

In the Bible, those who were most desperate for the Lord's favor laid themselves prostrate, or flat out, face to the ground. To me, that always seemed to be a way of bowing to the recognition of God's supremacy.

He can't be everything until we are nothing. We need to relax our grip on everything we control. Our relationship with God can only total 100%. How much is us, and how much is God? Are you giving up 100% of yourself to allow 100% of Him in? Or are you keeping back, say 20% of yourself and only allowing 80% of Him in? Is there 20% of you that thinks you can do it on your own, not needing God's help?

Let's get back to the sleeping idea.

There have been times when I have been so dog tired that I have fallen asleep in a sitting position. It doesn't work well; that's a terrible way to sleep. But, the more reclined I am, the better I will sleep.

You see, to stay in an upright position, you have to retain some control over your muscles. The more upright you are, the more muscles you use. Standing, or even sitting, is your body saying, "I got this. I can do it."

However, when you surrender every muscle you have to sleep, you allow yourself the consequence of whatever your body will do without your conscious assent. Often times, our brain wants to take over that control as well and not allow complete surrender. 

I wonder if God made our bodies to sleep best when lying down just for that specific purpose - so that we can practice giving up 100% every night. 

I pray we can surrender 100% to Him every day, as yes, just as we wake up, stand up, and get out of bed every day, taking back control of our bodies, each day we also need to relax our control back to his guardianship. 

Doesn't it feel better to relax anyway? 

So, good night to you! Sleep loose... 

Is It Okay to Like My Work?

We do what we like. So why can't we like what we do?

When my first book came out, I went right on Goodreads and gave it a 5-star rating. 

"Hmm. Really, Tracy, you think you're that good?" 

I don't remember who offered that sentiment, but as you can see, it stuck with me. My finished, published book came from much toil. Writing was fun! Finding the right publisher and getting it accepted was less fun. Going through the editing process - wow. Talk about work. First word written to book in hand took about a year and a half, two editors, and more re-reads than I can count. A lot of work went into the final product. Of course, I like it!

But is my own favorable opinion conceited?

I've spent some time thinking about it. Here's what I've decided.

There is a place for humility, and there is a place for recognizing God's gifts. Humility is simply recognizing that God is greater. If you recall, the purpose of man is give God glory. How do we do that? By praising Him for who He is and what He has done or created.

He created each one of us. Beyond that, He has blessed us with gifts and talents that can be creatively and uniquely used to draw man's attention to Him.

Do you remember the parable of the talents? (Matthew 25:14-30). A master was going away, so he gave his money to his servants to care for while he was away. One was given 5 talents, one was given 2, and one was given 1. (Talents were a form of money.) The one with 5 worked with it to gain 5 more; the one with 2 worked to gain 2 more; the one with 1 took his and hid it until the master returned. The worker who buried his talent was chastised by the master. The two servants who worked hard with their talents were told the words we all long to hear someday - "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."

You were given a talent too. You were meant to use it, not shamefully bury your head and hide it. When you use the talent God has given you and then deny it - "No, no, it's not that good. Really, I stink." - that's what you are doing. Burying your talent.

What are the rules, then? What are you supposed to think about your work?

1. Recognize the source of your talent
All I can give you here is my story.

So, I wrote some books. To be honest, I feel like the ideas came to me as an answer to prayer. 

I started writing many years ago, and I really liked it. Then, I was inspired by the Chronicles of Narnia. I loved the idea of a modern re-telling of Christ's sacrifice in a way that was appealing to kids and adults. I loved that C.S. Lewis could almost bring to life creatures not found in reality. I wanted to do that too. 

So, while I was out running, the wheels in my mind were turning. The first thing I wanted to come up with was the un-real creature to be central in my story. Almost instantly, something from the Bible came to mind - the Nephilim. The Nephilim were the result of fallen angels intermingling with human women. What if they still existed today? (They don't, but that's why it's fiction.) And since these Nephilim (who I renamed "angelmen," for the sake of ease) were not part of the human race, they did not have the same salvation plan as humans and needed a new one if they were to have any hope of making it to heaven. And that salvation plan would require a sacrifice.

Boom. We have the basis for my books, as I feel was given to me as an answer to prayer with a principle from the Bible.

2. Think how you can use it to give God glory
Writing is an easy one. I use my writing to bring focus on God. God is a major part of my stories. Song-writing or performing is likewise easy to use for God's glory. Taking pictures of God's creation is a wonderful way to use His general revelation.

But what if you are good at math or sports? You make jewelry or scrapbooks? You sell cars? This is where you need to use your creativity. And yes, even if you don't think you have any, it's there. God would not have called you to something that He doesn't plan to use to further His kingdom.

Here are a couple of examples from my life. I am very good at remembering dates. Seriously, give me just about any friend, family member, or child in church (don't worry - I'm the Sunday school director, so I have a reason for the last one) and I could tell you their birthday. How does this glorify God? Everyone needs encouragement on their birthday. Although I have given up the easy little "Happy Birthday" on Facebook, (it just creates more work for that person) I'll pray a blessing for that person.

Or how about this one? I can bathe my children, even washing their hair, without them crying. I must say, this isn't always a treat, since the kids always need me to be the bath person. But it is a chance for my kids to learn trust. Something that will be essential to their faith.

If you can take a minute, I would love to read about your interesting gifts in the comment section below.

3. What if your talent is difficult to use for God?
First of all, make sure your talent IS something God-given. The world has a lot to offer. I don't think God is calling too many people to the likes of gambling or other sins. If you are Rain Man, you better find a better way to use that genius than running off to the casino to count cards. If you can't come up with a way for your talent to glorify God, then what you have is not a God-given talent.

4. When should you be humble?
Always. Humility in promoting your talent just means using the right words so that people aren't thinking about you. Humility is lifting God up, not putting yourself down. Simply recognize God's rightful place above you (and your work).

5. At what point are you bragging?
Easy. The very minute you take credit for anything for which God is responsible. When you find yourself saying any of these sentences, you're in trouble.

"I knew I could do it. I believed in myself."
"I never doubted my ability."
"I expect to put up a lot of sales because of how hard I work."
"I did it my way." 

(See why I don't like Frank Sinatra?)

6. Does this mean you don't need to work hard? 
Of course not. The parable of the talents is a great example of how God urges us to use what He has given us. The servant given 5 talents worked to turn it into 10. But James 1:17 reminds us that every good and perfect gift comes from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights. The work you do shows God that you are thankful for what He has done for you. But always remember Who got you started.

The bottom line is if God gave you something good, it's okay to like it. If you like it, it's okay to say so. It's possible someone else might like it too. 

By the way, if you would like more information on my books, go here: http://protectthecause.weebly.com/about-the-angelmen-series.html

My Son Gave Me a Lollipop

We were getting ready for Valentine's Day on one of our many snow days this winter. My youngest child has overachiever tendencies, and so she had already gone gung-ho in getting her seed packets stapled to the cards on the day I let her at that stapler. 

I was proud of the cards I had come up with for my son. Minecraft is the obsession du jour, so I printed out cards that simply said "Be Mine" with a picture from the game. Now, of course, these days a solitary piece of paper is not enough to show your classmates you have fake feelings for them one day of the year. With allergies and diet restrictions all over the place, my brain gets taxed coming up with ideas for the little extra to be included. It had nothing to do with the Minecraft theme, but whatever - I picked up an easy bag of heart-shaped lollipops. 

As my son opened the lollipop bag, he noticed there were actually generic little "To:/ From:" cards in the bag with the candy. He had a little laugh, since he had already put names on all the Minecraft cards. But then he took one pop and attached it to a card. He didn't write my name or do anything other than put a pop in the assigned spot on the card. Then he looked at me and said something to the effect of, "But I'm so glad you made me cards that I liked instead."

The compliment slid right off my back. Of course, I did something for my son that would make him happy. It was pretty easy and cost nothing. 

To him, it was apparently something else. To him, it was another brick solidifying our relationship. I knew what he liked and didn't think twice about doing it. That meant a lot to him. My boy isn't a typical boy, at least not in this day and age. He has somehow managed to hold on to a sweet innocence that could easily be muddied with every step through the school hallways. At 9 years old, he still holds my hand and smiles at me.

He handed me the card and said, "Mom - don't ever throw it away."

The lollipop was sweet, but his commission has taken a hold of me. Its importance has strengthened since he issued it. 

Ever. That's the word sticking with me. 

I'll be honest. I get a lot of papers and pictures and crafts from the kids. They don't ALL make it into the box of things I keep each year. I have come to the realization that sometimes I am the convenient excuse for the kids to not throw away their crafts. 

"Here, Mom. It's for you," actually translates to:

"Mom, I don't know what to do with this thing the teacher had the whole class make, but I know you treasure every single thing I do, so here's a reminder that I want to make you proud."

In other dialects, it could also mean:
"If I go near the trash can with this, you might ask me to take the trash out, so I'm going to play cute and make you do it."

How do I know these are accurate? Because seldom am I asked, "Mom, what did you do with my picture?"

This lollipop was different. The word "ever" caught my attention. That word said, "I mean it, and I'm going to check up on you."

OK, son. It's just a lollipop. I can hang onto it. It won't get in the way.

It sits next to my computer station in the kitchen. The kitchen is one of my busiest places. I spend a lot of time there, cooking, cleaning, and getting life into a more organized chaos. (My writing is more concentrated and done in the living room, so my kitchen work station is a place I only visit for a short time, but I do it frequently.)

Truly, I don't think I could have put that lollipop in any better place.

The lollipop sits right by my medicine dispenser. I see it when I need to take my pills, and I suddenly remember why it's important for me to stay at my best. I'm not doing it just for me.

At night, I'll stop by the area to pick up a drying towel after I wash the dishes- the dishes no one else volunteered to do, but I do without a second thought. Everyone else in the family comes along as I am washing and dump more dishes in the sink. No "thank you's" or any other kind of acknowledgment from the children. If I'm lucky, the water won't splash up into my face.

Then, I wipe my hands dry. I see the pop, and it says, "I might not tell you I care that you do the dishes, but I tell you that I care about you."

Maybe on another day, I'll prop the computer on the counter with the Pinterest recipe I need to use to cook dinner. 

Dinner is a hard time for my family and me. Tastes are so specific and varied, that it's all but impossible to come up with a meal everyone will eat. I'll think I've found one, and it will be met with resounding complaints that make me want to scream. I try so hard! And no one cares. To them, I am still the evil mom forcing disgusting nutrients into their bodies. How dare I take claim on their lives in such a way?

But the lollipop is there. It has been there through all the complaints. Even if one of the complainers is my son, his sentiment remains on the counter. His words say, "I'm mad," but his lollipop says, "Don't give up on me. Ever."

In the kitchen, we keep the containers that hold everyone's shoes. My son's box is right next to my work station. In the box are the basketball sneakers that my son dreads putting on. Two months ago, we bought him good shoes for the season. He tried them on and they were fine. I think it was a day later that he put them on and they were a size too small.

He's growing. 

Day by day, those feet will grow until they are bigger than mine. 

But that lollipop will never change. It won't grow up, it won't move out. It won't need bigger shoes or money to go out with friends. It won't get a driver's license, it won't go to college. 
The lollipop will always stand in its spot by my work station saying, "I love you, Mom." 

Pieces might crumble from it if it gets knocked around, but it won't be thrown away. Never.

Ever.

That lollipop will stay on my counter forever. 

One day, my boy won't let me hold his hand. He'll be holding someone else's hand. I'll have to hold the lollipop instead. I hope he comes home one day, maybe with his wife and kids, and asks me, "Mom, do you remember the lollipop I gave you when I was in 4th grade?" 

Because I will have it. I'll get it out and show him that I never threw it out. 

Ever. 

He will smile again because we both know that the sentiment still stands true. My boy loves me.

Gen. Xers - "Just Say No," Remember?

Nancy Reagan drilled it into our minds so hard it became a joke. Once the War on Drugs started, we were in it. Soldiers, dutifully wielding the only weapon given to us - our words.

We grew up and never lost our mantra. At times, it is still a joke. "Step away from the chocolate. Just say no."

Exhausted multi-taskers are re-learning the thought in a trickier fashion. We have to say "no" to nice people instead of drug dealers. The people who ask us to take on one more scoop of potatoes (or activity) when our plate (or life) is already full.

I think the tide may even be turning for those nice people, now too. There has been an upswing in the current that flows with the banner, "Make sure you take time for yourself." Many folks are stopping for coffee and going to the gym instead of signing up for for the volunteer activities that are pursuing us. Or maybe that's just me.

But now, we need to bring back the "Just Say No" battle cry one more time - for the sake our own kids. Wake Nancy up - she'd be on the same page, I'm sure.

We need to just say "no" to our kids.

No to stuff they don't need.
No to stuff they didn't earn.
No to one. more. thing.

We've got the peer pressure problem all over again, only we think we're doing something good for our kids by helping them fit in. This isn't news. Just as it made no sense to jump off a bridge when everyone else was doing it before, it still makes just as little sense to push our kids off the bridge when all the other moms are doing that today.

Why do we need to?
I, for one, would like my kids to grow up as unspoiled as possible. If we give them everything their hearts desire, I don't believe they will appreciate what it's like to get something you truly want. Even beyond that, if we make our kids work to get something they truly want, they can better understand the value and purpose of work. How awful would it be for us to give our children everything during their childhood, then to throw them into the adult world where it really doesn't work that way?

I had to teach my daughter this lesson just this week. She agreed to take care of a friend's dog for a day. But later that day, she had the opportunity to go out for a fun activity with her other friends, missing a feeding/walking time for the pup. I covered her responsibility for her, but when the friend came over to reward my daughter's effort with a candy bar, I did demand my share of that candy bar. Not because I wanted the candy or even because I didn't want her to have the candy. Just because I wanted her to understand that she made a choice to not fulfill her duty, and so she did not earn the full reward. 

Harsh, huh?

Why is it so hard for us to say "no" when we know it is the right thing? 
Why are we not recognizing the "kid pressure" as the same circumstance we were in when we faced "peer pressure?"

When we were teens, maybe we stood up pretty well to those offering us cigarettes (or worse). But maybe it was hard for you. Maybe you had visions of the "cool" people making fun of you, in those awful days when we had no idea what cool really was.

And now, as adults, what are we afraid of? We're afraid, essentially of the same thing, that our kids won't see us as "cool parents." Or possibly we are afraid that our own children will suffer our fear - that their friends will tease them for not being "cool."

Since it seems every kid has to have the newest toy.
Or video game.
Or see the latest movie.
Or stay up to a certain bed time.
Or have the exact same lunch as their friends.
Right?

Keeping it in perspective, we find the same rule applies: No two kids are the same, and therefore, no two kids have the same needs. We must keep that in mind. And sometimes that explanation helps ease the disappointment.

And remind them that even though we say no some of the time, they have probably had more than enough yeses to make up for it all.

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful...

I know you remember that commercial from years ago. But what do we remember it for? Hating that woman anyway.

Let me start off by saying I am not a size-0 model, not a size-2 model, not even a plus size model. Hey, I'm not a model! But people still look at me, even if I'm not in a magazine. People look at you too, no matter what you think. We're people. We look at other people. Go figure.

But while we are looking, we are making judgments too. About each other and ourselves. And we are assuming that when it comes to the way we look, the same rules apply to everyone.

They don't.

Don't listen to everyone else. (But since that includes me, finish this post at least before you stop listening to me.)

I'm a firm believer that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You may not think you are beautiful, but someone else might. Someone else is not staring at your face or body LOOKING for problems, like you are when you look in the mirror. So if someone pays you a compliment, don't tell them that they are wrong. They do not see what you see. 

That is nothing new; you've heard it before. Now for the flip side of the coin.

I've been cringing lately at all the "just be yourself" jargon. Plenty of well-meaning do-gooders are out there to tell you that being overweight is just as good as being super-skinny. (You'll notice I said, "good" and not "beautiful." I already addressed beauty above, and I don't want to go back to it.) Women are shunned for wearing make up or treating acne and lauded for rolling out of bed into some sweats.

People go on "secret" diets. They sneak shamefully into drug store aisles to look at weight loss and beauty products. They hide in the corners at the gym so that no one will notice that they aren't perfect. Or that they almost are.

We have done that to them. 

I like to run and ride my bike for many reasons. And yes, one of the reasons is because exercise helps me look my best. Do you know, I have had people shame me for adopting that reason? People tell me I should be happy with the way I am. 

To an extent those can be helpful words. God made me a brunette. It isn't a punishment, so I don't need to repent of it. I will stay a brunette. God made me a woman. I will stay a woman. However, I do not have a thyroid problem, I have a problem saying no to sweets. So God is not the one who made me overweight.

Here's the fact. At times, I have overindulged in sweets, and the consequence was that I became less than the healthy person God intended me to be. My consequences were: gained weight, lower energy, and poorer complexion. But that was how I made me, not how God made me.
 
Here's what I am saying. Don't be yourself. Be who God created you to be. You make mistakes. We all do, and that's a fact. Some of our mistakes affect how we look. Don't shrug them off, FIX them!*

What does the Bible say?

Song of Solomon- 
A love story between a man and his new bride. It was all about the joy they each took in one another's bodies. So, if I want to naturally bring my body to look the best it can for the purpose pleasing the husband God gave me, it seems to me that God tells us by way of this too-often overlooked book, that He's okay with that.

Esther- 
The book of Esther was about a woman who saved the Jewish nation because the king found her beautiful. Yes, her courage to approach the king was the most noteworthy aspect of her character, but she would never have reached the king's presence to do so unless she had the king not seen her as attractive in the first place.

Outward Beauty IS Secondary to Inward Beauty- 
I can't completely put those do-gooders down. A lot of times their message, which gets lost in interpretation, is a good one. Groom your character before you worry about your face. People definitely see others as ugly if they are mean-spririted, greedy, haughty, and so on. However, the trick is to improve your character BEFORE you work on your outer beauty, not necessarily INSTEAD of it.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. (I Peter 3:3-4)

Don't be vain-
This one is VERY important. 

What is vanity? Thinking about yourself, plain and simple.

Go ahead and fix the way you look, because once you've done the best you can with what you have, YOU STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT. 

After I had my children, I was sad about the weight I had put on (in addition to just the baby-weight). I thought every day about how much I wanted to lose weight. So finally, I did. I lost about 30 pounds. 

Now, I rarely think about how much I weigh. My weight might go up a little, it might go down a little, but I do not think about it every day. And that is one less time in the day that I am thinking about myself instead of thinking about God.**

Don't let anything come between you and your relationship with God.

      Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off
      everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. (Hebrews 12:1)

And that's the bottom line. Throw off everything that distracts you from God. If not looking your best makes you depressed and keeps you from freely worshiping God, do something about it. You do not have to accept the way you are because someone keeps saying you should be happy that way no matter what. Fix the issue and move on.

Do what it takes to be a person full of thanksgiving and giving glory to God.



*Note that I am not saying to go about this in an unnatural way. I don't believe in weight loss pills - I believe in diet and exercise. I don't believe in cosmetic surgery, but I see nothing wrong with a little make up to draw attention to the beautiful features God did indeed give you.

**Even though I don't think about my weight everyday, there are other things I do that keep me from thinking about God all day. I had to make this note so that you did not think I am perfect and have got this all covered. I, by no means, do!

No More Christmas!

Yep, I mean it. 

Yes, I was the former Miss Kringle. My lights are up on my house before anyone else in neighborhood, and I shop and wrap Christmas presents all throughout the year.

But there's a reason I have those lights down by the day after New Year's - and that reason is because my husband won't let me take them down the day after Christmas. Christmas music stops at my house on December 26th. Many of you want to know why.

Christmas depresses me. Christmas Day, itself, that is. It isn't "society," or the retail businesses, or non-Christians that make me feel this way. And you might not even feel the way I do, either because you are just fine with how you celebrate, or because you do a better job of doing it "right." It is how I, myself, have fallen away from remembering why we celebrate. I feel like I'm doing it wrong.
We spend a month or so with enchanting music, mesmerizing lights, and whimsical decorations. It's such a beautiful season. 

But no matter how hard we try, that day comes, and it's always the same. Presents and food. Sure, the night before, we go to church and remind ourselves about the birth of Jesus. We sing, we pray, we teach from the Bible. But for the kids, that is just the last obstacle standing between them and the toys they have been hoping for all year.

Alright, that sounds harsh. I mean, who can blame them? I was the same was as a child, and even, to some degree, as an adult. 

For adults, our attention usually turns a different direction. Appeasing extended family and serving food - the right food, the right kind of food, the right amount of food, and so on. Maybe this isn't you, but it sure is me. Jesus is the last thought on my mind while I am setting the table for Christmas dinner, and I hate that.

The problem isn't how excited the kids get about the presents, or how anxious the adults get about which family members are visited when, or who is eating what and when. The problem is that our celebrating is interfering with our worshipping.

We should celebrate the birth of Christ. But can we celebrate without the celebration itself becoming the focus of the celebration? (Did you follow that?)

God has blessed us. My family is blessed richly, as are many in America. We have the means to buy our children presents and prepare and eat multi-course meals. We should be thankful for that too. 

But here's what I wish. I wish we could celebrate Christmas in a different way. 

Jesus was born in the humblest manner that could even be imagined for a God to set foot on earth. He was born in a dirty barn, among animals, to peasant parents. I feel like our Christmas celebration should reflect that. 

I would love it if Christmas were just a day where nothing was expected except a quiet worship. Maybe your church could decide on a way to lead that worship, or maybe it would be led by your own family. Work and school would be cancelled for that day, but not so we could cook or play with toys, but so we could spend the whole day understanding that God came to earth to save us. Heaven knows, it would take at least that long to comprehend that.

Then, I feel we might actually be celebrating the Savior and not ourselves or our children.

Maybe we could still have an exciting day that involves presents and family and eating. But let it be a different day. We can still thank God for His provision. Then maybe I wouldn't feel like I have missed the boat in teaching my kids about the reason for celebrating.

He has given us good things - many good gifts - and we can thank Him for what we've been given. But something tells me He doesn't need such a grand display as we have made Christmas to be.

My favorite shop at the shore still is, and always will be, the Christmas store. I guess no matter what this Christmas brings, there's always hope that the next one will be different.

Jesus, the Baby, and Why Everyone Loves Him

It's all about control.

When a child is a baby, you hold him. You control when he is fed, when he is changed, when he is laid down. You practically make every move for him. Maybe that's why we all love to hold new babies. 

But even from infancy, children are trying to grow up. THEY control whether or not they actually will eat. (You can lead a horse to water...) THEY control when they actually will sleep or not sleep, and THEY control the amount of noise in the house.

We as parents tend to fight this growth for the entire time span of childhood. We control as much as we can for our kids, because we know best. Don't we?

As a child grows, they take more and more control until they eventually have full control of their lives and move out from our house.

In the case of Jesus, the grown Messiah wants to have control of our lives as well. We adults aren't always comfortable with that.

At Christmas time, we see the harmless baby Jesus, being held by his mother, rocking no boats. Don't we all want a turn holding that placid baby? He never seems to cry. We can do with Him whatever we want, right?

But the baby grew up.

Mary and Joseph got a shock, when Jesus was 12 years old and took control of his own life to wander away from his family and go teach in the temple. His parents thought they had it under control. "Jesus, you will come with us and stay with your family."

But He turned it back to them, asking, "Didn't you know I would be here?" His parents couldn't go as they pleased, they had to do as Jesus directed.

When that baby grew up, He did the same to us. We could continue holding the baby, but then we haven't given Him our life as He has asked. We have to make a choice. We can give Him back when He starts to move and squirm out of our grip, or we can let Him grow and let Him take a hold of our lives.

My Children Survived

Every time I think of the killings at Sandy Hook Elementary, I break down in tears again. Not the lonely tear that happens to escape my eye, but the heaving tears that I force out, hoping the pain in my heart will go with them. Even living hundreds of miles away, this one hurt me more than most because most of the victims were 6 years old - just like my precious youngest baby.

I haven't known what to do about my dilemma - do I continue to dwell on the tragedy, hoping to sensitize myself to it? Or do I put it aside and ignore it, knowing that it happened far away?

I am choosing something else. I am choosing to celebrate life in honor of the One Who made it. 

The mamas of those babies can't say this, but I can. Hopefully, those mamas will find something else to be thankful for - and believe me, I know it can't be easy for them to look for it! But we were created to give God glory, and so I, for one, would like to do my part.

Miscarriage
I know way too many moms or moms-to-be that were swept with the joy of finding out they were pregnant, only to have their dreams slip away in just a moment for reasons none of them could even figure out. So I, too, worried for the first 13 weeks of my pregnancies, and then just a little less after that, that the unknown reason for little babies' lives to end wouldn't find me. It never did.

I had three healthy children, and they all survived miscarriage.

SIDS
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. The terror that grips the heart of every new mom. Even if you do everything right, they might just stop breathing. Hearing silence on the other end of the baby monitor sent me running into their rooms so many nights. When each of my children turned one, I finally breathed a heavy sigh and slept through the night myself. Many moms could not do that. 

I had three healthy children, and they all survived SIDS.

Cancer
This one will hit some of you hard. We are finding many of our friends - FRIENDS, people we actually know and care about! - struck by this indiscriminate hater. Or we follow the stories on Facebook or blogs about the 4 and 5 year old children who one day aren't feeling well, and the next are sent to CHOP for blood transfusions. Children are getting cancer. Not because of where they live, what they have eaten, or bad choices they have made. Just because they do. 

I have three healthy children, who to this point, have not been dealt cancer.

School Shootings
They are happening more and more. Not just in big cities, but in little towns that seem too safe for armored guards. Heroes are being made of teachers, parents, principals, and custodians. But lives are still lost. Sometimes there just isn't anything that can be done when the trigger snaps in a crazy man's brain. That's what scares me the most. You just don't know who, and you never know when. But if you spent all your time protecting against it, nothing would be learned at school. Not joy, not friendship, not recess fun. And you can't survive without those either.

The "Columbine" years and the "Virginia Tech" years are still ahead for them, but up until now, I have three beautiful children who have come home from school every day that they have gone.

There are plenty more that will plague us through the years with which we have been given at home with these children. Accidents, abductions, the list goes on.

My little boy is terrified of fire. His biggest fear is our house going down in flames. At least once a week, we need to reassure him why our house is safe and he won't die in a fire. (It would have helped greatly if we hadn't been completely doused by the fire sprinklers in an accident at the mall one day when he was little.) Both of us know the possibility is still there, but we are doing everything we can to keep the probability to a minimum. 

Sometimes, we need to do that for ourselves too. We aren't through the woods yet. Risks remain. But we have to remember that the probability is low, and not to let worry eclipse the present joy.

And that, in all things, good or evil, God reigns sovereign over it all.